Johnny, promise me you’ll stay.

Promise me you won’t ever leave.

I have something to show you.

Give me a kiss, Dana.

Happy? I’m glad you’re happy.

Arm pillow.

“Dana? Dana! Dana—” Luhan’s voice rang out and I jolted up, my heart pounding in my chest. Oh, why did it hurt so much? My hair was plastered against my forehead and my face was wet from my tears. I felt Luhan’s hands grab my shoulders, the bed indenting from his weight. I was still trying to process my thoughts, my hands shaking as Luhan began to speak.

“Dana.” His voice was smooth and calming, my head lolling forward, my emotions suddenly disappearing. I closed my eyes and suddenly it was like I forgot what Johnny’s face looked like. Luhan’s hand patted my back and I sniffled, wiping away the tears when began to feel numb. If Luhan was a safe space, why was it that I always felt nothing when I was with him?

“Bad dream?” he asked and I swallowed, allowing him to push me back onto the bed. The mattress was soft and I turned to my side, seeing his figure in the dark. I saw him blink and I nodded and a warm hand was pressed against my forehead. “You’re burning up.”

“I feel fine,” I croaked and Luhan chuckled.

“Well, you’re burning up. Let me get a fever patch,” he said, standing up. He came back five minutes later, a fever patch in hand. He sat down, opening it up and sticking it against my forehead. He was silent for a while and I wondered what he was doing when he spoke. “You want to talk about it?”

Silence.

I pressed my lips together, not understanding what was happening to me.

“I dreamt of Johnny,” was all I said and he couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice.

“Johnny?” he paused. “You mean, Youngho?”

I nodded, pushing myself up. I had enough sleep but my eyes burned, Luhan still studying me from where he sat by the edge of the bed.

“Are you dating him?” he asked almost carefully and I was about to answered when there was a clang and a yell from the hallways. A wail could be heard and I didn’t have to go look to know it was One.

“BROTHER!” a screech from the six-year-old and footsteps barreling down the hallway. “Brother leave again!”

“Shut up, One!” Sungchan bellowed from his room.

“I’m here!” Luhan said and the footsteps stopped in front of my already open door, the young child toddling towards the bed. He searched the dark, stepping forward and climbing up onto the bed before looking at me. “One—Let’s go back to the room…”

But One had already laid his head down on the pillow, rolling against me and yawning. Luhan froze and One mumbled something, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Oh no. I’m so sorry,” Luhan whispered and I blinked. Why was he sorry? “Uh… well, how awkward. One falls asleep very easily. I should—No, I can’t. He might throw a tantrum.”

What was he talking about? I blinked at him and my gaze went down to One who was talking in his sleep.

“It’s alright, Luhan.”

“No, you don’t understand,” he began. “I have to be in the room when he wakes up. I’ll go get a floor cot, be right back—”

“It’s fine. Lie down,” I said simply, shifting to the side. The whole building was quiet and poor Luhan looked like a deer in headlights. “It’s fine, really. It’s not like I want to be alone, anyway. I would go to Jaemin and Jeno but every time I’m with them I feel like I’m third-wheeling… or fourth-wheeling. And Jisung and Chenle stick together so I rather have you here with me than be alone.”

Luhan chuckled. “You’re very honest.”

“I try to be,” I replied, dragging the blanket over One’s body. “Some things don’t change.”

“What changed?” he asked and I frowned.

“You know one of my biggest problems in SM was which guy to choose between?” I told him. “And also, if I was getting grilled cheese for lunch or not.”

“Wow, sounds like a very Gen-Z problem,” Luhan said, fluffing the pillow up and laying down on the bed. The bed creaked from the weight and he turned to look at me. “So, who did you choose?”

“Jisung,” I said and his eyes widened. “No! I mean, not like that. Not romantically. Oh my god, I can’t imagine how weird that must be. Clean your ears!”

Luhan’s laughter rang out into the darkness. “Alright, cleaning my ears.” He paused and I felt One move a hand going over my body. “Do you miss Johnny?”

“Not when you’re around,” I admitted, taking in a deep breath. “When you’re around, I feel calm. Like nothing is ever going to hurt me and all you have to do is speak. I know I feel something, it’s just not intense. Does it make sense?”

“You make me feel special,” Luhan said and I smiled at him.

“It’s the drug, Luhan. Your voice was the first—”

“Alright, don’t burst my bubble.” He raised a hand and I laughed. “Is it the same for Johnny?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged, pulling the blanket to tuck it under my chin. “When I was with Johnny, it was more of—I couldn’t live without him. But then again, it also may be because of the drug. It was more desperate, more intense. I had to be holding and touching him all the time. But now that he’s not here and you are, I don’t feel anything.”

“A drug is still just a drug, Dana,” Luhan finally said. “One way or another, those emotions will arise. I’m glad I’m your safe space and that to me, means a lot. You can come to me if ever you need me, I promise I won’t leave.”

Promise me you won’t leave, Johnny.

Promise me you’ll stay.

I blinked back the tears that was threatening to fall, I turned to him to see him smiling at me. Even Johnny couldn’t promise me such a thing, Luhan reaching out to adjust the fever patch on my forehead. The moment his finger brushed against my skin, the feeling of sadness disappeared and he dragged a finger across my cheek.

“You should sleep.” He told me and I nodded.

“Six is a high five and a thumbs up….” One mumbled. “Seven is a peace sign and a high five…. Brother Nana, pink… Brother Renjeon, black…”

“What is he doing?”

“That’s how his brain processes things,” Luhan told me. “Wait for yours.”

“Sister Dana, blue…”

“Blue?”

“He’s been staying with Sungchan a lot. They fight, but they actually do adore each other,” Luhan said when One suddenly reached out and grabbed my hair and I squealed, his small fist yanking on the strands of my hair. “Oh, goodness. Dana….”

“Ow, Ow, Ow!” I yelped. “Luhan!”

“Okay, okay, calm down. We need to cut your hair.”

“What?”

“I’m serious. If you don’t, you might end up with a bald spot—”

“Luhan, just wake him up!”

“He might yank it when you wake him up and your head might go flying off!”

“Oh my god, I had long hair for the longest time! You can’t expect me to—Where in the world did you get a scissor from?” Luhan already had a scissor in hand and was trying to move One away. “Luhan!”

“I keep one with me at all times. One has a knack of getting caught up in strings and stuff. Don’t ask me… Okay, don’t move, Dana,” Luhan said but I could see that his shoulders were shaking and I glared at him.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Very much so,” he answered and I reached out to push his shoulder, Luhan quick in dodging. “Okay, stay very still. Here goes.”

Snip.

And with that, a part of my long hair was gone and I sat up, Luhan showing it to me like a lunatic he was. I was about to tell him that I wasn’t very happy when Luhan offered me his hand and I automatically took it, Luhan leading me away from the bed to a chair.

“I’ll just make it all the same length and we can ask Boa to cut it nicely for you when she comes back,” he said, gathering my hair up, snipping the ends. “You know, I bet you look beautiful either way.”

“Are you usually this sweet to women or are you trying to hit on me?” I asked, Luhan freezing at how blunt I was. He sighed and I turned to see him look taken aback. I caught his gaze and he smiled, shaking his head.

“Wow, woman. I will never get used to how blunt you are.” He turned my head forward and continued to cut my hair. “Do you want me to?”

“Doesn’t hurt to try, Luhan,” I told him, shrugging. “But no promises.”

“I don’t need any,” he replied. “Promises are always broken, anyway.”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[Jaemin's personal hair dresser]

I heard a crash and I woke up groggily to see a small figure shoot into the room, One checking to see if I was awake before he dropped onto his knees and bowed down on the floor. I blinked, the small child speaking with a lot of remorse.

“One is very sorry. Sister Dana short hair now because One.” One snuck a look at me before his eyes darted back onto the ground. “One like Sister Dana long hair…”

“Good morning, beautiful.” A voice sounded by the door way and I saw Luhan greet me, his eyes turning into crescent moons. I smiled back, a hand going to feel how light my head was from the haircut. “Come and get some breakfast. Xiaozhan is cooking since Boa isn’t around. One, get off the floor and go wake up your brothers.”

“One saying sorry,” One mumbled, hanging his head low before exiting the room.

Cute kid.

I stood up and went to freshen up, making my way to the kitchen when I saw Jaemin skid to a stop in front of me. His beady eyes ran through my features, his hand going to fiddle with the strands of my hair.

“You cut your hair,” he observed, straightening up.

“Oh, Luhan said Boa will cut my hair for me. Properly,” I told Jaemin whose face lit up, the male beaming at me. “What?”

“I can do it!” he said a little bit too loudly, lowering his voice quickly. “I always cut Renjun’s hair for him.”

He beamed.

“Uh… well. Sure, I guess.” And with that, Jaemin grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen. He let go to find a pair of scissors and when he did, he sat me down. He fluffed my hair up and I chewed on my bottom lip, asking him if he really knew what he was doing. “Oh, of course. I’m practically an expert, Dana! I would get a license if I could but, you know—”

“Na Jaemin, what are you doing?” Renjun emerged from the hall, the male pushing his eyeglasses up his nose. “Oh, Dana. Your hair—Na Jaemin, put the scissors down!”

“What? What? He said he knows what he’s doing!” I panicked, moving away from Jaemin who was staring at my hair, his eyes wide and his tongue sticking out the side of his lip. “NA JAEMIN! You told me you cut Renjun’s hair!”

“More like, the other way around.”

“I just wanted to try it out! One time, just one time!” Jaemin wailed, pouting at Renjun who grabbed the scissors from him. “Let me cut one strand—”

“You said one swan when we were in suspension and we ended up with 1,200 swans.” Renjun pointed out, pushing Jaemin away who stuck his tongue out to Renjun. “Don’t trust Jaemin, Dana. He has the 'too-much gene'. He would have made you bald.”

And with that, Renjun patted my shoulders and I relaxed, Renjun beginning to cut my hair for me. Luhan walked in with One, Sungchan and Shotaro also bounding into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Xiaozhan greeted us, the male placing toasted bread on the table. Sungchan had only a plate of rice and nothing else and when I asked him, he told me that he could eat only bland food.

“Or I get a headache,” he told me, chewing on the grains when his forehead furrowed and he sniffed the air. “Sounds like wind. Dark blue. Tastes like sand…”

Xiaozhan looked up from the newspaper he was reading. “What’s wrong, Sungchan?”

“Someone is here,” was all Sungchan said when there was a crash from outside and voices could be heard. “Yep. Told you.”

Jaemin shot up, energetically running out of the building to see who it was when Jeno just arrived. He rubbed his wet hair with a towel, his gaze following Jaemin.

“What’s with him?”

“Apparently someone is here,” Renjun replied, finishing up with my hair when all of us stood up to go see who it was. “I hope it’s not the government.”

He said it so casually and I realized that we had gone through so much at this point; whenever something happened, it didn’t take us by surprise anymore. I followed everyone out, hearing Jaemin’s yell out from the side of the beach.

“Will you look at that? Look how you converted!” he said and when we went closer, we saw that it was the people we met on the streets. Stray boys? Stray kids? “Talk about hating the government, yet you brought the government to us!”

“We’re not the government!” A familiar voice said and my eyes widened when I saw who it was. My best friend’s exhausted body climbed out of a boat and my jaw dropped open. “ the government! Oh, I’m so tired—”

“JEFFREY!” I screamed, lunging forward. “JEFFREY! Oh my god, Jeffrey!”

With the sound of my voice, Jaehyun froze, his body swaying on the sand. I ran up to him, my arms wrapping around his body as Jaehyun patted my back gently. I reached up and kissed him on the cheek, hugging him again. I was so glad he was safe—Jaehyun murmuring something under his breath.

“Dana, I’m going…” Jaehyun said, shaking his head. “Dana, I’m going. I’m going, Dana—”

Going? Going where?

“Jeffrey—”

“Bye, Dana,” Jaehyun said, his body falling down onto the sand. Jisung squeaked at the sight of Jaehyun’s limp body. Kyungsoo had flopped face down, Jaemin pointing to a Kyungsoo who was also dead on the sand.

“They’re dead! Stray Kids, what did you do?” Jaemin demanded. Jeno, Renjun and Xiaojun were quick to check on Kyungsoo.

“They passed out from exhaustion,” Xiaozhan concluded, motioning to Jeno, Renjun and Xiaojun to help with Kyungsoo while Sungchan and Shotaro came to look down at a passed out Jaehyun. Sungchan muttered a “neon blue” and Shotaro nudged Jaehyun with his foot like he was an unknown creature. I looked worriedly at them, Xiaozhan turning to greet the ones who had escorted them to the island. “You brought them here?”

“Uh, yeah,” the one named Bangchan said. “We do have to go back. Lee Know has—”

“My finals. I know,” one of them who I do not recognize said. Xiaozhan chuckled, nodding.

“You work on the streets?” Xiaozhan asked. “I’m in the process of trying to find associates on the streets. We have a revolution coming, we need all the help we can get.”

“Oh, sorry, man. We don’t do associates anymore. We do, however, do things for hire,” Bangchan replied. “It’s just money, you know? Quite tight. We have bills to pay, stationary to buy, a restaurant to run....”

“Ah, I understand. How about I hire you by case?” Xiaozhan asked, Bangchan’s face lighting up with the sound of a deal.

“How much?”

Xiaozhan leaned forward, whispering a digit into Bangchan’s ear and he broke into a smile, turning to Lee Know.

“Guess who can afford Masters for you, Lee Know!” he chirped and Lee Know whooped, jumping and pumping his fist into the air. “Not for you though, I.N. We’re still pretty poor.”

“What? Only for Lee Know? That’s not fair—”

“Is it a deal?” Xiaozhan asked, Bangchan nodding and shaking hands with Xiaozhan. “Stay right here, we’ll give you a personalized laptop so we can contact each other. Then you can be on your way.”

“We get a free laptop too? This is the best day of the entire year! I know I didn’t steal that boat for nothing! Talking about that… we still have to give it back…” their voices droned on.

“Dana.” Sungchan’s voice floated into my ear and I turned to see him and Shotaro struggling with a very heavy Jaehyun. “Help?”

“Oh. Sorry.” And with that, I grabbed Jaehyun’s arm, heaving him up as we walked back into the buildings.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jaehyun was asleep.

So, I stared at him.

It had been more than a few hours but I couldn’t make myself get up and leave him alone. I was still buzzing from the fact that Jaehyun was alive and not dead like I thought he was. I gripped his hand, my head dropping down to lay on the elevated mattress when I felt his fingers move.

“Ow, Dana. Ow,” Jaehyun’s said and I shot up, seeing him move slowly. He reached up to press a hand against his forehead. “Why do you hate me? And what did you do to your hair?”

“What? I cut it,” I managed to say, Jaehyun motioning to his hand that had turned white from the lack of blood flow. “Oh, sorry. How are you feeling? Do you want food? Should I make you oatmeal? Whatever you want, Jeffrey. Whatever you want.”

“How about let go of my hand?”

“Oh,” I mumbled, awkwardly letting go of his hand as Jaehyun struggled to get up. I helped him up, another hand grabbing a glass of water and filling it with the water dispenser in the room. I turned to see him massaging his shoulder. “What’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“Other than surviving a blast, I had to butcher meat for an hour straight,” Jaehyun told me and I frowned. “Don’t ask. It was a restaurant. How’ve you been?”

“Other than worried? Pretty much staying afloat.”

“Jeez, even the way you talk is different,” Jeffrey observed, a hand going up to knock on my forehead. “The Marvel-U drug changed you.”

“Yeah, it’s still a wonder why my body could take it,” I found myself saying, sitting beside Jeffrey and grabbing his hand once more. I looked up to see his eyes on me, Jaehyun blinking. And just like that, I felt the slightest twitch of his hand in mine. “What… What are you hiding?”

Jaehyun was never a liar, at least not to me. I knew him well enough to know that if he knew he had to lie, he rather not say anything. His ears turned red and he would make the weirdest expressions. He pressed his lips together, Jaehyun placing a hand on top of my hand that was holding his.

“I have something to tell you,” he said solemnly. “And yes, I really am Jaehyun.”

“Right.” I quickly closed my mouth, Jaehyun chuckling at his on-point foreshadowing of me asking if he really was Jaehyun. I was beginning to have trust issues and it showed. “What is it?”

And that was when Jaehyun begin to tell me about the Marvel drug being injected to me since I was a fetus. A very little amount because I was born with a part of my brain not working. He told me about his parents and how they told him to keep an eye on me and that was why he approached me in the first place and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t offended.

“So, you’re saying that you befriended me because your parents told you to?” I asked Jaehyun, squeezing his fingers. Jaehyun turned bright red, looking scared as he nodded slowly. “And not because you actually wanted to—”

“Dana, you’re crazy,” Jaehyun pointed out. “Ow! Dana! To be fair, I was ready to die for you!”

“Right. So, years of our friendship was fabricated just so you can keep an eye on me?!”

“Only the first three…” Jaehyun blinked. “Okay, the first four—”

“We’ve been friends for ten years, Jeffrey!”

“A little more than that— Ow, Dana!” Jaehyun shoved my hand away, massaging his fingers. “You crazy woman! Is surviving an explosion and handling your crazy almost every day for a little more than a decade not enough for you? I’m the one who needs therapy!”

I glared at him, Jaehyun reaching forward to grab my hand but I slapped it away. He pinched my waist and I grabbed the glass, holding it above my head—Jaehyun raising a finger at me warningly as he ordered me to put it down.

I slammed it against the headboard aggressively and Jaehyun tsk-ed.

“You promise you’re my friend because you want to be?” I asked and Jaehyun pretended to think. “Jung Jaehyun!”

“Woah, alright. I promise. You’ve been calling me Jeffrey so much these days, I forgot how it feels like to be called Jaehyun by you,” he said and I settled on the bed, crossing my legs in front of my best friend. “But beyond that, how have you been? Must be hard that Johnny isn’t around.”

I blinked, my thoughts going to the dream I had of Johnny the night before.

“Nah, not really,” I mumbled under my breath. “I have Luhan. His voice was the first thing I heard when the I injected the drug in. It’s funny, you know, because with him I feel safe but I don’t feel anything at all. My body hurts physically because I relax and… safe space. But I don’t feel emotions. Not like when I was with Johnny.”

Jaehyun frowned. “So, you’re saying that Luhan makes you void of emotions unlike when you were with Johnny? The defense system when you’re with Luhan reacts differently when you’re with Johnny?”

I nodded, shrugging. “I haven’t thought of Johnny much. Luhan’s always around. I guess it’s a good thing. I do dream of him though.”

“Hmm… You have two safe spaces then,” Jaehyun pointed out and I froze. I didn’t think of it that way. “But you haven’t seen Johnny for a while, the drug might have settled and maybe if you see him again, you’ll realize that it’s the same as when you’re with Luhan. Or…”

“Or?”

“Your brain sees Luhan as the safer alternative and even if Johnny is your safe space, he is considered a weakness. He makes you emotionally vulnerable so it blocks everything out when you’re with Luhan.”

“Why would Johnny be a weakness?”

“A week ago, you were smooching him—”

“Ew, Jeffrey!” I smacked his arm, pushing myself off the bed. “I can’t—”

“What? You can talk about one-night stands to me but when it comes to Johnny, you can’t?”

“I di