After the game of truth or dare last night, neither Jeno nor Jaemin had been able to sleep, for varying reasons. Jeno knew why he was awake, his stomach burning with nerves. Jaemin was sort of a mystery, although Jeno figured he was nervous too, excited but nervous. But maybe it was due to this stomach ache Jeno was pretending to have. Jaemin seemed to think it was serious. 

They had both spent hours trying to get some rest, Jeno laying on his back and Jaemin on his side, rubbing Jeno's stomach. 

"Does it feel better?" He whispered, trying not to disturb their cabinmates. 

"Yes," Jeno answered. It was the bazillionth time last night he had told Jaemin that. But Jaemin must have picked up on his anxiety or something because all he did was hum and keep on rubbing Jeno's stomach in circles. 

Jaemin started speaking slowly. "How do you feel about tomorrow? Are you feeling okay about it? Are you excited? Are you ready?" 

Jeno took in a deep sigh. Somehow, Jaemin had asked this question even more times than he'd asked about Jeno's stomach that night. And Jeno couldn't take it; it was just making him more anxious. 

"I'm fine, Jaemin. I'm fine. I swear to god," he whispered and exhaled. Immediately he felt guilty; Jeno had been really stern with Jaemin. They had never spoken like that to each other before. 

Jaemin swallowed and tensed, but didn't stop rubbing Jeno's stomach. Now he just felt worse; he knew Jaemin was just looking out for him. 

"A-are you sure?" Jaemin stuttered. 

Jeno sighed, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice. "I'm sure," he said, his voice sickly sweet with how much he was trying to control it. "Now we should probably try to sleep." 

"Okay," Jaemin said softly. But as hard as they tried, neither of them could. 

~~~~~~~~~~

It was the next day and minus Jaemin of course, everyone had cleared out of Jeno's cabin for the day. The pool is locked up; no counselors or campers allowed inside. And Jeno is so anxious he could cry. 

To his dismay his cabinmates (Mark, Donghyuck, Yukhei, Jungwoo, and Yangyang) followed through their promise from the previous evening to give Jaemin and Jeno the cabin to themselves. Jeno couldn't escape this no matter how much he wanted to. It was the day for him to lose his ity. 

He still was not sure why he didn't want to but just thinking about it made him nervous, and not in the good, excited way it should. But how could he do that to Jaemin after all of these years of lying? How could Jeno break his heart like that? 

Deep in his heart, Jeno knew Jaemin's heart would not be broken, especially after the way he acted last night, asking so much if he felt okay, if he was ready. But he knew no matter how understanding Jaemin was he would still be hurt, just a little. Jeno couldn't do that to Jaemin; he just couldn't. 

He was standing outside of their cabin trembling. He had spent hours finding different things to do to procrastinate but there was nothing now, especially after Doyoung and Jaehyun insisted he go back, that Jaemin was waiting for him. He had to just do it. He had to get it over with. 

With a grimace he pushed he way inside to find Jaemin laying down in the bed shirtless, scrolling through his phone. Jeno flushed; not just because it was hot in there but god was Jaemin pretty. That didn't make this any better though; it didn't make it any easier. 

Jaemin finally noticed Jeno and smiled slowly, tossing his phone into his bag. "Hi baby," Jaemin said, his voice low. 

"Hey," Jeno answered, staring down at the floor. 

"Are you alright? Are you ready?" Jaemin asked. 

Jeno chuckled. "Stop asking me that." 

Jaemin smirked and slid out of bed, just in his pastel pink boxers, and Jeno flushed and looked away. Why couldn't he just feel comfortable? Jaemin was so pretty and perfect. Without a moment's pause Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno and kissed him, in that languid way Jeno was obsessed with. 

But almost as soon as Jaemin started he stopped, and when Jeno opened his eyes he saw Jaemin looking at him with the utmost concern. Oh god oh god oh god. 

"You're not ready," Jaemin said flatly. 

. Jeno snorted and faked a chuckle. "Babe, what are you talking about? You keep saying this but listen to me, I am! I swear." 

Jaemin began to slowly shake his head. "You're not. I know you're not." 

"Come on-" 

"Jeno don't do this. I've known you for six years and I've been dating you for five. Wh-why didn't you tell me? I gave you so many outs..." Jaemin gave the floor a pained stare. 

Jeno froze, trying so, so hard to keep up this act any more but he couldn't do it, the tears starting to spill from his eyes. Jaemin gasped and threw on a shirt before pulling Jeno into his arms. 

"I just didn't want to seem lame or stupid, I just wanted to make you happy..." Jeno cried into Jaemin's shoulder. 

"Come here," Jaemin mumbled, leading Jeno to the bed so they could sit down next to each other. Jaemin ran his fingers through Jeno's hair, petting him softly. He used his other hand to entangle his fingers with Jeno's, both of their hands shaking. Jeno kept crying, softer now because of Jaemin's soft and pure touch. "I'm so stupid...I knew something was wrong, I should've trusted my gut but I wanted to listen to what you were saying, you know? I just, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry... I-I hope you know that your happiness and comfort means far more to me than . I mean, I would hope you'd know that, after five years..." 

"I was just afraid," Jeno choked out, "I was just afraid you'd be so angry and disappointed that you'd leave me..." 

Jaemin's fingers froze in Jeno's hair and slowly, he put them back in his lap. "You...you thought I would leave you?" 

Jeno hiccuped and nodded. "Or that you'd be angry, or-" 

He paused at the sound of Jaemin taking in a deep breath. "You really thought that...after five years, you really thought that..." 

Jeno could feel Jaemin tense and he started trembling again; now something was really wrong. "I just-" 

"You think that lowly of me?" Jaemin interrupted, looking at Jeno sternly. "You think I'm the kind of person who would leave their boyfriend of five years just because they're not ready to have ?" 

Jeno looked at his lap. It was true. Jaemin wasn't that kind of person. 

"Is something I want someday? Well, yes. Only with you though. Only if you would want to. But is it something at all important to me? No! no. What's important to me is you Jeno, and your happiness, and your comfort. I don't care. I don't care! I would have waited forever if you wanted. If you never wanted to, I would have been okay with that too." 

Jeno looked up at Jaemin with furrowed brows. "Would have?" 

Jaemin sighed. "I trust you in whatever you want, and I love you with every part of myself. And I am always honest with you. I don't think I even could lie to you at all, let alone for years on end." Jeno winced and stared at his lap. "Why did you lie to me for so long? Why?" 

"I was just afraid," Jeno answered after a long pause. 

Jaemin began to shake his head. "I can't believe you think so low of me. I can't believe you think I'm that type of guy, after so long. After so many years. How could you even want to be with me if you don't trust me enough to respect you? How could you be with a guy who would be mad for not having ?" 

Jeno watched Jaemin's eyes flash with fire, his breaths loud and heavy and his whole body tense. He sighed. "Jaemin, this is why I didn't want to admit I wasn't ready, because I knew you would be angry." 

Jaemin stood up. "That's not why I'm angry and you know it. I'm angry because you don't trust me and you've secretly thought I was an . For years! Jeno, I'm angry because you don't trust me and maybe don't even love me!" 

"Wait, what?" Jeno cried, but Jaemin was already storming out of the cabin, slamming the door behind him. In that empty room, the sound of Jaemin's yelling ringing in his ears, the first time he had ever heard him yell like that, Jeno felt frozen. 

Jeno's face fell into his palms, tears starting anew. It wasn't at all in the way he'd expected. But Jeno's worst fear, that Jaemin would leave him over this, had come true.