Chanyeol lied down on his back, eyeing the calendar hanging on the wall across his bed. 

Tomorrow will be the fourteenth. He should really go and visit her this time. 

"You're so obsessed with winning, right?"

"You're so obsessed with winning! Are you really like that?!"

"You're so obsessed with winning you forget you're working with a human being!"

"Come on Yeol. We're not grade schoolers anymore. We're already 27 years old."

He scoffed remembering all the judgements thrown at him. He turned his body to his right, facing his favorite decoration of the room because whenever he does, a smile would instantly grace his lips. Only, this time, the decoration failed to put a smile on his face. 

"Well, easy for you to say. You don't know where I'm coming from..."

He said to no one in particular, eventually forcing sleep to take over his exhausted body and soul. 

The photo of a young him on his mother's lap the last he remembered before dozing off. 

--

Mrs Adachi passed by the living room seeing Hana staring out the window. The old lady frowned, "staying in?" 

This successfully caught the girl's attention and she turned to smile at the woman. "Yep, I'm taking a day off."

It was subtle but Mrs Adachi noticed it. "Did you and your boyfriend had a fight?" 

The younger was quick to groan upon hearing how she labeled the guy as her daughter's boyfriend. "He's not my boyfriend. And we didn't fight. We simply decided to back out from the competition."

"Really? Then why are your smiles not as bright as before? If you really didn't fought, that is." Hana noted how her foster parent seemed to be more concerned about her relationship with the guy than her dropping off of the contest, her ticket to finding who she was. 

It's true though. There was a faint sadness in the smile she offered the old woman and she knew immediately that something was wrong. Goodness gracious, she wasn't born yesterday. 

Instead of answering, the younger returned to looking out of the window, not entertaining anymore questions from the old lady, frowning ever so slightly. She was more than grateful when the old lady finally decided to drop the topic and let her be. 

Let her drown in misery, that is.

She looked down on her bruised wrist, nursing it before letting out a sigh. 

For more than a hundred times that day, the house hears sighs every once in a while from the girl who used to be so bright and bubbly.

--

The fourteenth, Park Chanyeol went home to his hometown to visit his mother. He knew she was probably mad at him because he always break his promises with her. But oh well, he's here now. Yet without a promise to fulfill. 

He actually felt a little awkward visiting her when he's at his lowest, he can't even brag anything about him right now. He should've visited her six years ago. 

"Omma, annyeong."

Arriving at his destination, the guy placed the bouquet of flowers he bought along the way on her grave before sitting in front of it. For a long while, Chanyeol just closed his eyes, feeling the cold breeze of the place hitting his skin. It was as if she was here with her. 

The cemetery was unusually unpacked today. Or maybe he's just not used to being alone because after all, people always flock around him. "I'm sorry it took me this long to visit you," he mumbled as he went to caress her tomb after opening his eyes. "How have you been? Is Yoora-Noona visiting you regularly?" 

He speak as if she was still alive, smiling a little when the wind brushed the dried petals off her tomb. "Omma, I've won. Several times. But didn't visit you, I'm sorry." He started, feeling tears b at the side of his eyes. "Right now, I'm a loser. I lost. Take note, that's only an amateur contest. But still, I lost. I'm sorry." He ended. 

"Chanyeol?" The last time he heard her voice was seven years ago, sounding so broken as she told him about their mother's death. Hearing it six years later, she doesn't sound so broken anymore. There was a tinge of hope in her voice right now. As if, she was being hopeful that it was really him. 

He turned his head to see his older sister shedding tears witnessing him in front of their mother's grave. The little baby she's holding also didn't go unnoticed by him. So she finally married?

"How...how you been?" 

"Noona..."

--

Winter, 2000

"Mom, what are those drawings for?" Eight year old Park Chanyeol asked his mom when he noticed pages of ripped notebooks stacked on the storage box beneath their bed as they were busy looking for winter clothes that would suit him as he was very small for his age. But those ripped pages weren't only trashes, there were actually drawings of faceless slim girls (this he assumed because of the body shape) wearing different dresses and clothes and the young child actually found interest in them. 

At that time, his family weren't very well off and his gather works at a construction site and his mother accepts laundry to survive their everyday expenses. Buying new set of winter clothes isn't considered as a priority with their current status.  It he never complained, he was more than happy just to see his family happy.

"Ah," his mother started after inspecting what he was looking at. "Those were my old passion." She chuckled when she noticed her youngest giving her a bewildered look. "Omma used to enjoy designing clothes for my friends. It was actually one of my dream to create and design my own dresses. That's actually a nice thing to do, Yeolie."

His head tilted a little, "Can me and noona design our own clothes too?" He asked innocently and he was answered with a boisterous laugh, followed by a pat on the crown from her. "Of course you can, Chanyeol."

"You can be and do anything and everything you want."

--

"Eat up, eat up. Stuff yourselves." 

Mr Park announced as he pushed the dishes closer to his children who sat awkwardly side by side. 

"T-thanks," Chanyeol answered rather awkwardly, reaching for the orange juice on his right instead. 

"Why the heavy atmosphere? Come on, eat!" Once again, the head of the family hollered then started digging on his food. 

"Eat up," his sister squeaked before she too took hold of a dish then started eating. 

Not knowing what to do, the youngest of the Park just nodded at his sister before starting to place food in his plate. "W-where is your..." He trailed off. Why was it so awkward talking to her?

"Her daughter?" Chanyeol flinch lightly hearing his father's voice then immediately nodded his head. 

"Ah," she started. "She's at the room, sleeping."

"How about her father?" 

"He's still at work until late today, the law firm's handling too many cases right now."

He nodded in understanding. When his eyes landed on his father finally, he felt awkward seeing the old man smiling fondly at him. He opened his mouth to ask 'what' but Mr Park has already beaten him to it. 

"We missed you." 

"Ah," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

"But you still have some explaining to do! We heard the news you punk!" His change of tone from soft to sharp startled Chanyeol and he could only gulp at his father. 

--

The father and son were sitting side by side on the porch a few hours after they finished eating dinner. The only girl in the family was in the room, tending to her baby's needs. 

For a few hours since they stepped out of the house, nobody uttered a word at all. The older chose to break the silence though. 

"Thought of visiting her just now, huh? Why have you won already? You're not bringing anything so I know that's not the case." He asked seriously, causing Chanyeol to lower down his head in embarrassment. 

"I didnt—"

"I know. How about the news? Cheating? I know I can't give you everything you want before but I can't remember teaching you to become a womanizer. Have you ever thought of your mom? How she would react?" 

He shook his head lightly. "T-the news. It's not real."

The old man looked at him, "then why not tell them? Why not clear your name?" 

Chanyeol huffed before answering. "It's a long story. But I'm out of it already, so there's actually no point talking about that." He looked at his father this time, "I'm fine. So don't worry." He whispered. 

"As for the reason of my visit," he released a huge sigh. " I just feel like visiting. I know I promised to visit her after I won, but I got busy. And no matter how hard I try, the schedules are not working, but you know, actually this time. I don't won. I lost. But I got the chance to visit her, maybe I was bound to be a loser actually," he chuckled mirthless and one of his father's hand landed on his shoulder, rubbing it comfortingly. 

"Well, here's the thing, son. Whether you loose, or win, you wouldn't hear anything about your mother. She wouldn't complain." 

"Uhhh, because she's dead already—"

He was met with a pointed look. "Sorry," he mumbled. 

"So whenever you want to come back here, please do. Your noona probably is also missing you but couldn't tell you that's why she's so awkward earlier." He nodded.

"Always remember. Not everything's about winning. It's also about the friendship and relationship build along the way. If you acquired one of the two, then, you already won."

~end of chapter 14~

A/N: I'm crying, ladies and gentlemen. I've written a new story (breathes deeply) and it's already seven chapters far!!! But an editor deleted it in one go! (Yep, he app you're thinking of eight now, that's it. When you typed it offline, then turn your data on, then poof! ) huhuhuhu. I dont know where to go from her now actually T.T

But I do hope that my laziness will not kick in once I've decided to rewrite the story. 

Anyways, how is this update? It's a whole lot messier than I thought it would be, I know. ~