" The feeling of my body which was floating gradually sinking to the floor of the deep ocean as if I swallowed a brick. Nowadays, I'm like that. "
- Tablo

Jonghyun lay himself on the thin mattress on the floor not really sure of what to do right now.
He didn't know what's the use of living anymore.
He felt as though he doesn't matter anything to anyone anymore.
He was not needed in any context or any way.
He had always felt that way but it was only tonight when he felt so useless and not needed.
It killed him but he just kept quiet.

Photo credits to @gginseoulrp.tumblr.com

He couldn't say it out, what kind of person would that make him be?
So he did what he did best, to bottle it all inside him.
It's been a long time that he's been like this but nowadays, it's getting out of hand.
There've been times when he even felt as though he could die from what he was doing to himself.
Maybe even lose his mind but really, what else could he do?
It's not like he had anyone to talk to or tell his pain to.

Even if he had, he would never take that blessing for granted and share his sorrow.

Jonghyun was not just a valedictorian but he was also the student body president.
Behind all that, he wasn't perfect though, not really.
He had always been chasing over the world's opportunity that came his way, not because he was greedy but because he didn't have anything at all.

He had no family, no nothing but he keeps himself alive like this, with the world pacing by his side.
Girls like him because they say guys like him who's gorgeous and studious is hard to find.
Sure, but will they like him still if he were to say that he was not what they think he is?

To feed himself, he does dirty things.
His mother died shortly after he was born and his father passed a few years following that leaving him a brothel that his father used to ran.
Now, that sinful brothel was his source of income and stress reliever.
The girls in there knew him far too well and Jonghyun, unlike the nerd people take him to be, is the caretaker of all the s he owns. 

He has stress from school and now, from the brothel as well.
He's not cruel, he listens to his girls.
When they are unhappy he tries to make them feel better. In school too, if anyone is uncomfortable, he would try all his might to make things better.
All to an extend where even his own needs are pushed aside. It's sad. 

And as he hurts like this, he has no one to turn to.