"Yoora-ya! What happened to your eyes?!" I covered my precious ears as my mom let out her piercing shriek early in the morning.

My mom rounded her eyes at me, completely taken aback by her daughter's state. I did not need a mirror to know how did I look like. My eyes were swollen, my face was pale and my hair was a mess. I only had compact powder and lipstick on which I forced myself to apply to at least made myself looked alive but I guessed I failed.

"I could not sleep last night" I mumbled, almost incoherent.

It was not a total lie though. I really did not have a sleep last night. Just that, I left the bawling-my-eyes-out part. The conversation I heard last night really wrenched my heart. My reasonable mind could not accept the fact that the person who I liked was already married and had kids of his own? Was it really true? Did he get married when he left me for 3 months?

The thought of him made my eyes teary again. I did not know why it hurt so much. I guessed I already fell hard for him. I thought he kept some feelings for me. I thought the concern he had for me because he liked me more than his CEO. But I guessed I was wrong. Fake hope really hurt huh?

"So that's why you're very early this morning?" My mom let out a chuckle, did not even bother to ask her daughter why. She continued setting up the table for breakfast together with our maids.

"Mom, is Sehun already married?" I asked. My mom stopped doing her work.

"What do you mean?" My mom shifted her attention to me.

"When I had the accident, he left me for 3 months, didn't he? Did he probably left to get married?" I reconstructed my question. Somehow I did not want to hear the answer yes.

"What's wrong if he is really married? You said you don't like him as a man" My mom quirked a brow, mocking me.

"Mom! I'm serious here" my mom really pissed me off. I was not in a good mood and my mom really made the situation even worse.

"You ask a lot of questions lately. Is there anything wrong honey?" My mom's voice softened. But somehow I felt that she just wanted to avoid the question which made me think that my assumption was indeed true. Okay, I needed to go before I burst into tears again.

"It's okay mom. I got to go. See you later" without taking my breakfast, I left for work. This was the first time I went to the company without Sehun but I did not care anymore. I could not see his face. It hurt.

Very much.

...

A knock on the door made me flinched in surprise. Did not even bother to lift my head, I already knew it was Sehun. I heard his foot steps, making their way to me. Pretending to be busy, I fixed my gaze to the computer in front of me. Sehun placed a few folders on my desk.

"Those are the reports from our branch in China and Japan" Sehun informed. I gave a hum as a reply.

"CEO Kang, you don't have any schedule after lunch so may I have my leave early today?" Sehun asked for a permission. I turned my head to look at him.

"Where are you going?" I asked with a stern tone in my voice even though I already knew where was Sehun heading to. 

"A personal matter, CEO Kang" Sehun answered. I snorted, totally pissed off. So he really wanted to keep this from me?

"Alright" I said with indifferent tone of mine. Without asking any further, I averted my gaze to my computer screen.

"Thank you CEO Kang" Sehun gave me a bow and made his leave. When I heard the door was closed, I shifted my gaze to the door. I bit my lower lips refraining the urge to cry.

He did not even ask me whether I had taken my breakfast or not...

...

The biggest mistake I made today was to step out from my office for lunch. I thought I should at least had a walk outside to calm my mind during the lunch hour but I should just stay in my office. I should just locked myself in there so that I did not have to hurt my painful heart by witnessing the thing I should not see. Not in my current state.

With my own eyes, I saw Sehun. But he was not alone. I saw him with a woman, a very beautiful woman. Her arm locked in Sehun's. I hated to admit but Sehun looked very happy to be by her side. The fact that Sehun smiled because of other woman really hit me hard. I thought that smile was only for me to see. 

As if it did not enough to break my heart into pieces, I saw a boy and a girl, prancing towards them. Sehun immediately lifted both of them and kissed them on the cheeks. My ears caught it clearly that the kids were calling him 'appa' which pierced my heart even more. They were really his children huh?

Hurt, I decided to not go back to company. Instead, I went home.

I want to be alone..

...

I felt a pair of tiny hands shaking my arm, waking me up. I opened my eyes to find that little girl again, sitting beside me with a smile on her face. The usual melody was filling the air, reminding me that I was in that strange white place again. Accustomed by the dream, I did not feel peculiar anymore. Instead, I felt glad to be there. I just wanted to escape the reality.

"Thank you for bringing me here little girl" I pinched the girl's cheeks playfully. Even though this girl only appeared in my dream, I found her comfortable to be with. And I could not deny that I was fond of her as if I had known her for years. The girl let out a chuckle.

"Is there anything wrong?" The little girl asked. Sighing, I shifted my gaze forward.

"Everything is wrong.." I muttered. After a brief silence, I turned my head to the girl.

"Can I stay here?" I asked. The girl flashed me a smile. Instead of answering, the girl hugged me.

"There's someone who needs you more than me" the girl  whispered to my ears. She let me go, still keeping that assuring smile on her face. The melody ended, indicating that the dream was going to end. Slowly, the girl's silhouette faded away.

My eyes fluttered open. I turned my head to the digital clock on my nightstand. It read 11 pm. Sitting up, I rubbed my face. I still had my work attire on. After I reached home this afternoon, I dragged myself directly to my room and threw myself on my bed. I remembered crying my eyes out before I knocked out. 

There's someone who needs you more than me

The little girl's voice rang at the back of my mind. She did it again, leaving me all baffled. I guessed it was just her habit. Even though I liked her, I felt hesitated to trust the girl's words. She only appeared in dreams and dream did not necessarily real. I let out a sigh. It was not only my heart that hurt now, my head was hurting as well. I massaged my temple to alleviate the pain.

Deciding to take a shower, I got down from my bed. I swore my head was throbbing like crazy. I felt like the whole world was spinning. I needed to lean against the wall to support my body for a few seconds to regain my stability. After I was sure I was fine, I had my shower and headed out of my room. I needed to take some medication or else I could not go to work the next morning.

"What are you looking for?" My ear caught Sehun's voice from behind. My hand stopped rummaging the cabinet for some pills.

"It's not your business" I continued to look for a medicine to alleviate my headache, did not even bother to look at Sehun.

"If you're looking for a pain killer, it's on the left" Sehun informed as if he could read my mind. My hand immediately traveled to the left side of the cabinet. As usual, Sehun was right.

"But you have to eat first before you take that" Sehun showed his concern again which pissed me off because my weak heart began to waver for him again.

"You didn't have your dinner, right? And you skip your breakfast this morning. I bet you skip your lunch as well that's why you're having a headache" my nails burried into my palm as Sehun whined about my meal.

"Come, let me cook you something" Sehun reached for my arm but I shoved his hand away. 

"Yoora-ya, what's wrong uhm?" Surprised, Sehun asked. The gentle tone he used really made me even more upset than I already was.

"It's not me! But you! You--what's wrong with you?!" I raised my tone.

"Me?" Sehun creased his forehead, forming a frown.

"Yes you!" I pointed my index finger at him. Running my fingers through my hair, I took a lungful of air.

"Can you please stop worrying about me? Can you just leave me alone?! It's my business whether I have my meal or skip it! You don't need to worry about me! Just stop!" I sputtered out.

"How can I not worry about you? I--" 

"Stop wavering my heart!" My lips quavered as I began to cry.

"Wh--what?" Sehun asked.

"Yes, I like you! Do you know how fluttered I am when you're always worried about me? Do you know how happy I am when you smile at me? Do you know how my heart always skip a beat when you touch me?" My voice began to soften.

"I thought--I thought you have the same feelings for me. I thought you care for me because you like me. Do you know I even broke up with Jongin because of you?" I scoffed. Sehun remained silence so I continued.

"At first I admit I deny my feelings for you but when I was with Jongin, I realized I love you more. Do you know I even have a series of dejavu of you?" I asked.

"Deja--"

"Yes dejavu! Those stupid dejavu! I saw you! I saw you whenever I was with Jongin! I saw us holding hands, I saw you cook for me, I saw us walking together, I saw you lying beside me, I saw you--you kiss me.." my voice began to trail off. I took a lungful of air before I continued.

"Those stupid dejavu felt so real as if they were telling me you're the one for me. So this foolish me believe those dejavu and decide to love you! But--" Sehun held me by my shoulder, stopping me. His face was tight as if he was afraid of something.

"Yoora-ya, listen to me" Sehun heaved a deep breath before he finished his sentence.

"Don't like me. You can't like me" Sehun said with a stern tone in his voice. His face was very serious which annoyed me. I snorted to his request. I shoved his hands away.

"Yes I know and don't worry, Secretary Oh. I'll handle this stupid feelings" I bumped my shoulder with his and walked a few steps ahead before turning around.

"Oh yes. Don't call me Yoora anymore because I'm afraid my heart will be fluttered. From now onward, call me CEO Kang. In the company and at home. Because you're only a secretary for me" I swirled around and tried to step away but my head was throbbing so hard I barely stood.

"Yoora-ya!" Sehun rushed towards me. His arm aroud my waist, supporting me.

"Just get your hands off me, okay?!" I shoved him harsh. 

I stomped to my room and slammed my door hard. Sliding against the door, I buried my face inside my knees. For the nth time, I began to cry. The image of Sehun kept appearing in my mind, making me cried even harder. I never thought love would make me hurt this much.

Like, very much..
 

I swear if a man said something like "You can't like me" after making my heart wavered, I'll kill that man LOL. It did happened to me though. Okay, this chapter is half of my experience actually LOL. Whatever. Sorry I rant about my  pathetic love life. Anyway, thank you for reading and subscribing! Don't forget to leave your thoughts! XOXO