If I only had one wish to be granted, I would wish for nothing except for my own death. I wished I would never woke up. I wished Baekhyun would not send me to the hospital. I wished he would just throw me into the water and let me drown, just how I did to my poor baby girl. Sera must hate me a lot. Yeah, she deserved to be mad. This careless woman did not deserve to be her mother. I should just, die.

The guilt in me, that raging guilt, took over my rational mind. I walked out of the room, letting my pitiful self being dragged by my own legs. As if I was enchanted, my gaze was blank,my mind went vacant and I did not even know where my legs were taking me. I just walked and walked until it dawned to me I had reached the rooftop of the hospital I was admitted into. Fear crept in me but the desire to die forced me to climb onto the edge. One step forward, I would fall.

Again, I could hear Sera's cheeky giggle, her giddy squealing when I blew into her tummy, her loud cry when she was mad, I just heard my daughter everywhere. This was just, too hard for me to take. I could not live in this guilt. How could I live when I kept imagining Sera, smiling as if everything was fine? Or would she still be able to smile if she met me? She probably not, right? I killed her. Her own mother killed her. For the nth time, tears streamed down my cheeks. I closed my eyes, ready to fall.

Sera my dear, I'm sorry...

"Yoora!" I felt a grip on my wrist, pulling me down from the edge. Sehun came into my sight. Sweat was trickling down his sideburn and his collar was already wet with sweats, indicating how fast he ran. His heavy breathing was very clear to my hearing. But, I did not care less. I just wanted to end everything and nobody could stop me. Even my own husband!

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Sehun held me by my arms, shaking my body as he tried to bring out my sanity.

"Let me go!! Let me die!" I tried to shove him away but his strength was too prominent, surpassing mine. His grip on my arms was just too tight.

"Please. Let me go!" I fought back. Futile, because the harder I tried to push him away, the stronger his grasp. Sehun pulled me into his embrace, hugging me tight. I squirmed in his arms.

"Let me go!!" I hit his chest repeatedly, wishing desperately that he would let go. I cried even harder as my effort was in vain. Why was it too hard for me to die? Why didn't these people just let me go? Being adamant, I kept pushing Sehun away. 

"Go away! Just go! Let me die! I--"

"You die and then what?! And then what Yoora?!" Sehun raised a tone. He let me go and held me by my arms again. His gaze was looking straight into my eyes.

"This is why I don't want to tell you the truth! I know you'll kill yourself! Do you think all the things I did before this, pretending to be your secretary when I'm your husband, hiding everything from you when they're so painful I thought I can die, bearing the pain all alone, do you think I did all those just to see you--die?" Sehun's voice lowered..

"Do you--want to leave me alone?" Sehun's lips began to quiver. His eyes were glistened with tears.

"Do you think our daughter will be happy if she knows her mother kills herself because of her?" Tears rolled down Sehun's cheeks.

"I ki--killed her, I--I'm the one who kill her" I muffled in my cry. The image of Sera, smiling, appeared before my eyes making me cried even harder. My shoulder moved up and down as I began to sob. Sehun pulled me into his arms. Placing my head against his chest, Sehun my hair gently.

"Yoora-ya, it's her destiny. No matter what, she would die at that age. You can't change her fate. It beyond your control" Sehun whispered softly. He then pressed his lips against my forehead, long. 

"Please, I'm begging you. Don't you ever leave me. Just stay. I need you" Sehun murmured with quavering voice, softening my heart. He hugged me closer and kissed my forehead again.

"I love you, honey. I love you..."

...

"Just one more spoon, uhm? You don't even finish half of your food" Sehun brought the spoon closer to my lips which was sealed tight. I turned my head sideway, refusing food. I just lost my appetite. I heard Sehun sighed.

"Alright. But make sure you drink your milk, okay? I put it here" Sehun placed a glass of milk on the nightstand. 

"I'll come back later" Sehun dropped a kiss on my forehead before making his way out. For the umpteenth times, a sigh slipped from my lips. Bringing my knees up high, I hugged my knees. Resting my head on it, I threw my gaze outside.

Again, I saw my daughter, smiling happily. Tears began to form at the corner of my eyes, ready to fall down my cheeks. These days, crying became a habit of mine. Since I went back at my parents' house, nothing felt the same anymore. I felt lonely. It was as if there was a black hole in my heart. I lost my spirit. I did not want anything but my daughter. But, it was futile because she would never come back. 

My gaze then dropped to Gege beside me. The image of Sera playing with Gege appeared before my eyes. Sera who used to bite Gege's ears, Sera who would bring Gege anywhere with her. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I reminisced those memories. Bringing Gege closer to my chest, I hugged Gege tight as if I was hugging Sera. Her scent was there. It made me feel she was here, with me. Without Gege, I could not afford a sleep. 

Sera, I miss you....

...

A gentle touch on my cheeks woke me up. I opened my eyes just to find myself in that strange white place again. It had been a long time since I last been here. I turned my head to be greeted by the sight of that little girl. Her round eyes were fixed at me. Slowly, the corner of her lips curled upward, forming a smile. It then struck me, that this girl was someone who I knew. No, she was someone who I gave birth to.

"Se--Sera ya" I stammered out. Tears began to swell in my eyes. The girl smiled sweetly. She moved closer to me and cupped my cheeks, caressing it gently.

"Mom..." Tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Oh gosh Sera. It's really you!" I pulled her into my embrace, hugging her small body tight. My hand traveled from her hair to her back, them lovingly.

"I'm sorry I can't recognize you my dear. I--I'm really sorry" I cried even harder, realizing how fool I was for not recognizing my own daughter when she came to my dreams almost every night, accompanying me in this lonely white place.

"Mom....please.." Sera pulled away and wiped my tears with her little thumb. 

"It's not your fault. It's not like you did it intentionally. Now see? You know it's me right away when your memories are back" Sera creased a smile, soothing me.

"Sera honey" Again, I pulled her into a hug. Sera snuggled in my arms, allowing me to satisfy my longing for her. After a few moments, I let her go and held her by her arms. My eyes traveled from her head down to her feet. It then dawned to me that she was not my one year old Sera. She had grown up a lot.

"Sera my dear, how can you be this big? You're one--" I halted. In instant, my chest was tightened. I took off my hand from her.

"Se--Sera. I--I'm sorry. It's m--my fault. Because of me..because of me, y--you, I--" I could not finish my sentence as I began to tear up. I had my head lowered, could not even bear to look into my daughter's eyes. Sera lifted my chin up, giving me a warm smile of hers.

"Mom, I never blame you. It's my fate to have a short life. So, please mom. Don't blame yourself again. I hate to see you crying, uhm?" Sera wiped my tears.

"I beg the Deity to see you before I left for the afterlife. So they let me. I want to see you happy before I go. If you keep crying, how can I go with a peaceful heart?" Sera muttered. She then stood up and swirled around.

"What do you think? Am I pretty?" She let out a chuckle.

"I ask the Deity to show myself in this age. So you're seeing the five years old Sera. Am I still cute? Am I pretty?" Sera swirled around again, showing me her grown-up-self. A chuckle slipped from my lips, amused by my daughter's cute act. Hearing me chuckled, Sera smiled.

"You smiled! Promise me, from now onward, you're going to smile like that too" Sera pulled out her pinky finger. Hesitated, I stared at her small finger.

"Ahhhh mom! Promise me okay?" She pulled out my pinky finger and linked hers with mine. I blinked a few times, stunned.

"Okay you promise" Giggling, Sera pecked me on my cheeks. Sitting on my laps, she placed her arms around my neck.

"Mom, am I cute? Who do you think I resemble with the most? You or dad?" Sera batted her eyelashes. I could not help but to let out a laugh. I placed an arm around her small waist and my another hand, caressing her cheeks. My eyes wandered around my daughter's face. I slowly creased a smile.

"Your eyebrows and your nose are your dad's" I touched her eyebrows and nuzzled her nose with mine, causing Sera to giggle.

"Your eyes and your lips are mine" My index finger touched her eyes and her small pink lips.

"So am I pretty? Prettier than you?" Sera chuckled.

"Yes my dear. Prettier than me. The prettiest on earth" I pinched her nose lightly. Amused, we both burst out laughing. Smiling, Sera gazed into my eyes.

"Mom, there are a few things I'm not able to tell you before. So I want to tell you now" Sera said with her soft tone. She took a lungful of air before she continued.

"Thank you for giving birth to me. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made for me. Thank you for taking care of me and loving me with all your heart. I just want to let you know that I never hate you. I love you so much mom" Sera bumped her head against my chest.

"So please be happy so that I can be happy too. Take care of dad for me and please tell him that I miss him so much and I love him as much as I love you. I'll be watching both of you from above" Sera pulled away and kissed me on the cheeks.

"Sera, please don't go..I miss you" I hugged her tight, refused to let her go. Again, tears trickled down my cheeks as the thought of parting dawned to me. 

"I love you, mom" Sera gave me the last peck on the lips before her figure fading away.

"Sera!!"

Say hi to Sera my dear readers! Okay since my new semester is going to start soon, I can't drag this story anymore TT Oh my God, why my semester break end so fast? Thank you for reading this story! I really appreciate it XOXO if you have an ending that you wish to read, tell me. I'll give it a think. I'm pondering what ending should I write anyway XD