Seungcheol flops face-down on the bed. His mind is in a mess. What’s he supposed to do now? Was storming off really the best option? Was leaving Jeonghan to face his death alone the true him? He lets out a breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. Seungcheol closes his eyes and waits for sleep to take him. He doesn’t want to think anymore. He lets his mind go blank, but when it does, the silence is too deafening. His mind wanders by itself, thinking about things he wishes he had never thought about. Until finally, he’s had enough. 

Jeonghan. He needs Jeonghan. 

Seungcheol has never known that he’s this dependent on the younger. He holds Seungcheol down to reality when he needs it, but he makes Seungcheol feel as if he’s floating above the clouds at other times. The effect Jeonghan has on him scares Seungcheol, but at the same time he knows he’s weak in front of him. He would willingly trade his life for Jeonghan’s, he would do anything for him. 

Every night sky needs its own stars, every star needs the moon to fill the empty space in the night sky. 

Jeonghan is the star to his sky, and the moon to his emptiness. He’s everything one could ever be and everything Seungcheol would ever need. 

Seungcheol flings himself off the bed and hopes that Jeonghan is still outside. Sure enough, the younger is still lying on his back. He sees Seungcheol coming but doesn’t give any reaction. 

“Han-ah.” Seungcheol calls softly. Jeonghan still doesn’t respond. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked off like that. I was just- so angry.” When the younger still lies there motionlessly, he takes a few steps closer. “I won’t leave you alone. Not now, not ever.” 

“You just did, didn’t you?” Jeonghan says, barely a whisper. He gets up but doesn’t face Seungcheol. 

“You left me to die. Alone.” He turns his head sharply. His red eyes make Seungcheol wonder just how much he’s cried. How much he’s been through. How much he’s hurting.  

“Han, that’s not what I-“ 

“That’s not what you meant?” Jeonghan cuts him off, glaring at him. 

“I was just angry. I was angry at myself for being useless, knowing that you’re... and I can’t do anything about it. It hurts, Jeonghan.” 

“I know how much it hurts, Cheol. But you just made it hurt even more.” Jeonghan’s words cut him like a knife, and he’s suddenly even more desperate to have Jeonghan back by his side again. 

“It only hurts when the person you love is hurting.” Seungcheol stares into those eyes that hold the entire galaxy in them. Those eyes that have saved him from falling into darkness so many times but yet made him fall so hard for this man in front of him. 

“I love you, Jeonghan.” 

Jeonghan stares back but doesn’t react. Did I say something wrong? Seungcheol thinks back on the words he’s said. He’s growing more and more scared with each passing second that Jeonghan doesn’t give a reply. 

“Jeonghan?” He asks softly, to check if he had even heard him in the first place. 

“I-“ The younger starts but stumbles forward, his words cut off. Seungcheol is right there to catch him. He supports Jeonghan back to the house. The walk there is silent, because they don’t need words. 

“Wait here, I’ll go get a wet cloth.” Seungcheol orders. He brings a cloth back like promised. 

“I...was going to say.” Seungcheol cuts him off. 

“I know, I know. Shhh, you need rest. Don’t talk, okay?” 

“I was going to say I love you too.” Seungcheol freezes. Then he smiles, his features softening. 

“I love you more.” He responds with a kiss on the younger’s forehead. “Now rest.” Jeonghan shuts his eyes and drifts off. 

—————————— 

“Hello? Jihoon?” Seungcheol says when he picks up. 

“Yes?” 

“I-It’s Jeonghan. He’s...” Seungcheol can’t get the word “dying” out. 

“Jeonghan-hyung? What happened to him?” 

“He...he’s dying.” 

“What?!” Jihoon demands. “How is that possible?! He-he’s healthy, isn’t he? He’s recovered, right?” 

“N-No...” 

“Cheol, please tell me you’re kidding. Jeonghan-hyung can’t die! Cheol, please...” Jihoon’s voice pleads on the other side of the phone, he’s as desperate as Seungcheol is. 

That’s not possible. Jeonghan can’t die. He’s too young. Jihoon prays that it’s not real. That this was all a dream. 

“I-I’m not kidding. I’m so sorry Hoonie, but it’s true. He told me himself.” Seungcheol hates that he has to be the one to tell Jihoon this. 

“. I’m coming over now.” Jihoon is too shocked to even tell Seungcheol not to call him Hoonie. He hangs up before Seungcheol can tell him that Jeonghan is sick. Again. 

Jihoon pounds on the door. Seungcheol opens it and Jihoon rushes inside. 

“Why is he sick again?” Jihoon asks worriedly. 

“I don’t know. He just suddenly stumbled so I told him to rest.” Seungcheol looks helplessly at the younger. Jihoon sighs. 

“Wait.” He freezes at the idea. Slowly, he turns to look at Seungcheol, his face lit up. 

“You’re a vampire, aren’t you?” 

“Yeah...why?” 

“Don’t you get it? Jeonghan-hyung’s dying. You can save him, Cheol! He doesn’t have to die!” Jihoon exclaims, grinning widely. 

“I...” Seungcheol doesn’t understand at first, but he finally gets it. “I can! He’ll live! Oh my God Jihoon, you’re a genius! Why didn’t I think of this before?” He hugs the shorter man as tight as he can, his smile never once faltering. 

Jeonghan is woken up by the excited voices of Seungcheol and Jihoon. He walks out of the room to find the two hugging each other. Well, Seungcheol hugging Jihoon and Jihoon trying to push him away. 

“Cheol...I can’t breathe...Get off me!” He finally manages to push the older off him, panting slightly. He sees Jeonghan and rushes forward, engulfing him in possibly the tightest hug Jeonghan has ever received. 

“Hannie-hyung!” 

“I thought you didn’t like hugs?” Jeonghan questions but hugs him back anyways. 

“I haven’t seen you for a long time. I heard about...” He trails off. 

“You heard that I’m dying?” Jeonghan finishes for him. Death is a familiar word by now. Jihoon nods wordlessly. 

“It’s okay, Jihoonie. We all die, I’m just the lucky one who gets to end his misery earlier than all of you.” Jeonghan laughs an empty laugh, ruffling Jihoon’s hair fondly. He was like a younger brother to him, after all. 

“Hey! How dare you have a group hug without me?” A loud voice calls from outside the door. 

“Oh. I told Seungkwan about it. I’m sorry if you wanted to keep this a secret, hyung. It’s just...I thought he deserved to know.” 

“It’s fine, Seungkwan’s our friend, he does deserve to know.” Jeonghan pulls Seungkwan into the hug after Seungcheol opens the door followed by Seungkwan pulling Seungcheol in so all 4 of them are squeezed together. The warmth of the hug makes Jeonghan feel loved, it makes his heart fill with warmth. He doesn’t even realise that tears have silently slipped down his cheeks. 

“Hyung, why are you crying?” The hug breaks and Seungkwan brushes the tears off his cheeks gently. “Don’t cry, we’re all finally together again! It’s a happy occasion!” Seungkwan says cheerfully. Jeonghan knows he’s trying his best to lighten the mood, to pretend that everything’s fine and nothing has changed, or is going to change. It was Seungkwan, after all. 

But all these kind words and gestures just make the tears fall quicker. The weight of what’s really going to happen to him sinks in, the stress that has accumulated over the past few months is finally released, resulting in a breakdown. Jeonghan wraps Seungkwan in a fierce hug, the tears pouring out his sorrows. He wishes they didn’t have to see this, see him breaking after so long of bending. He knows they’re worried, so he’s been pretending to be fine. 

But we all break sometimes. 

For once, Seungkwan doesn’t say anything else. He just lets the older cling on to him like his life depends on it. He puts his arms around his hyung’s waist and lets him cry. 

If you’re crying, it means you’ve been strong for too long. 

Jeonghan cries for what feels like an eternity. He cries until he has no more tears left to cry, he cries till his throat is hoarse. He cries till he feels so broken inside that he can barely stand. 

Gingerly, he pulls away from Seungkwan, sniffling. He almost falls forward again but Seungcheol and Jihoon grab him just in time. 

“It’s okay, hyung. I’ll be here for you whenever you need me to. We all will.” Seungkwan pats his shoulder comfortingly. Jeonghan nods and Seungcheol brings him back into the room. 

“Sleep.” Is all he says, placing a kiss on the younger’s forehead. He nods and waits for Seungcheol to leave the room.

But he can’t sleep knowing that he might not ever wake up again once he closes his eyes. The monsters hiding in the dark surround him once he does, not letting him escape. Jeonghan stays lying motionless on the bed, staring at the ceiling. For the thousandth time, he begs for his eyes to just close gradually so he doesn’t have to see darkness. Not yet, at least. But again, how could one ever see darkness? If you couldn’t see in the darkness, there was no way you could see darkness itself. 

Jeonghan’s mind is filled with too many thoughts. He used to see colours. Bright, happy colours back when Seungcheol was still around, back when he was still ignorant. Then it slowly faded to grey, and eventually turned black. For 3 months, all he saw was black. Not even a speck of another colour. But when he thought it couldn’t get worse, now he just sees nothing. Not even black, it’s just emptiness. 

And that emptiness gnaws at him from the inside out. He’s breaking inside, until today when he finally breaks outside, too. He realises now that he’s not breaking anymore. No, he’s not breaking. Because he’s already broken. Broken to the point that he doesn’t really care what happens to him anymore. So broken that he wishes he didn’t have another week to live. 

For the thousandth time that he begs for sleep to take him away, away from this terrible nightmare that’s called reality. Away from himself, maybe. For the thousandth time, it refuses to let him sleep. Wow, it’s like the whole world has something against me. He thinks. 

Then he laughs at himself quietly. How crazy he’s gone to think that even sleep is a living thing in the world. 

Just one more reason for him to die. 

It’s fate. 

A/N: heyy nsjdsn this took quite long but here’s a longer chapter to make up for the previous short ones! i hope y’all enjoyed it because i really wrote this chapter with my heart, especially the dark parts when jeonghan is broken because i was feeling the same way for quite a while before this but it’s all good now(: and i’m sorry for making it so depressing aaaa i try not to let my mood affect my writing but it can’t be helped sometimes >.< if you liked it pls remember to subscribe/comment/upvote, but really, just reading this is more than enough :” your comments really do make my day, and every read means a lot, so thank you guys for sticking around to this fanfic!! oh and i co own a fanacc for chan on ig, it’s @svtchanland so give it a follow bc channie deserves everything<3 (follow my jeonghan one if you want even though i’m not very active there, @yoon_hans) okay i’ll stop self promoting now😂

thank you allll and i love you guys so much i really do <333