It’s almost the end of the year and I am already on the train to Seoul when I decide to call Jeonghan.

I am anxiously waiting for Jeonghan to pick up the phone while still deciding on what I want to tell him. He doesn’t pick up my call and this delay further stresses me out.

My parents were more supportive than I expected them to be and that is brilliant, an absolute blessing. When I told them that I was planning on returning to Seoul earlier than planned they weren’t thrilled, of course. We have always spent New Year’s together but I knew I just had to meet Jeonghan before the year ended. And what’s more? As if to further cement my decision, Joshua called to invite me (more like threaten me) for his birthday party which will be followed by the New Year’s party. I did try to ask him about Jeonghan to which he only said, “You guys need to talk. I know you are not a jerk and I know there is more to this situation so just … talk to him.”

And that’s what I am trying to do.

I continue looking out of the window while fidgeting with my cardigan when I receive a call.

It’s Jeonghan.

I pick up the call without fully realizing what I am doing.

“Hello?” he asks because I forgot to greet him in the rush of receiving the call.

Why so stupid, Seungcheol?

“Yes -  Hello, Jeonghan.”

“I saw your missed call so I … called.” He says sounding more confused than I am right now.

“Yes, I wanted to speak to you.”

“About?”

“Well, about – uh… Can we meet? Somewhere?”

Please, say yes.

“Look, Seungcheol. If this is about what happened before Christmas, I am sure you probably had your reasons but –” he sighs, “I just want us to move on. I am trying to get over it because I really want us to be friends so let’s not push it.”

My heart breaks all over again. I have missed this boy so much. I have missed his voice so much and hearing him say this with a broken voice is too much to handle.

“Seungcheol? Are you there?”

“Yes, Yes. I – ” I clear my throat and wipe my eyes I didn’t realise were b with tears, “ I respect your wish, Jeonghan, I do. But can we at least meet once and talk about this? Can I get at least one chance to give you my reason?”

He doesn’t reply for a while and I am starting to think that our call got disconnected when, “Okay. You can just text me when you are coming back to Seoul. We can probably meet on campus or somewhere – ”

“Can we meet today?”

“Today?  Are you back in Seoul?”

“Well, kinda.”

“I just got back to my apartment. I was planning on returning to my parent’s place by this evening so do you want to meet over lunch?”

“Sure, that would be great.” I sigh with relief flooding my mind.

“Okay, I’ll text you in a bit to let you know where we are meeting.”

And with that I am left with uncontrollable anticipation for the rest of the journey.

It seems hardly any time has passed since our talk when I receive a text from Jeonghan.

Yoon Jeonghan: Can’t leave house for lunch, stuck with laundry. Would lunch at my place do? In like, half an hour?

I can’t help but smile. If Jeonghan is inviting me at his place, certainly he is willing to listen to me and is probably not that pissed. Probably.

Me: Sure, that would do. Should I get something on my way?

Yoon Jeonghan: No I have already ordered take-away. I hope you are okay with Jajangmyeon.

Me: I am okay with anything.

Yoon Jeonghan: Okay. See ya.

I grin at Jeonghan’s last text. I can almost pretend that everything is alright and we are just deciding lunch. I can almost ignore the uncomfortable knots in my stomach as I finally reach Seoul.

Even though I am nervous I have no patience left. Next stop, Jeonghan’s place.

Yoon Jeonghan: Forgot to order drinks. Please get some on your way.

Okay, first stop a convenient store, then directly to Jeonghan.

I reach Jeonghan’s apartment building just in time. I roll my carry-on bag to Jeonghan’s door and take a deep breath before ringing the bell.

“Just a minute!” I hear Jeonghan yell from somewhere on the other side of the door.

“Hi.” he says, finally opening the door, looking a little out of breath.

Was he always  this beautiful?

“Hello” is all I manage to say. I have spent so much time thinking about seeing him again that this just feels like a dream.

“What is all this?” Jeonghan asks, eyeing my backpack and carry-on, “Did you buy the whole store?”

“No, I – uh came directly from the train station.”

“Wait. Did you just get here?” Jeonghan asks in bewilderment.

“Yup.”

“You are insane, do you kn