Okay guys... firstly thank you for all the comments and the subs and the love. And secondly just a quick WARNING. This chapter is Jin centric and there's some talk about the loss of a baby. If that's something you don't want to read then you can skip this chapter, it isn't integral to the main plot so the next chapter will still make sense I promise.

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Jin was standing outside the door to Yoongi’s studio debating whether or not to make his presence known. He’d arrived five minutes ago but it was an argument he’d been having with himself ever since he’d left the dorm. Yoongi was working and he when he was working he really didn’t appreciate distractions. Whenever he was in the studio he switched off totally from the outside world, he didn’t answer the phone and he didn’t answer your messages, not unless it was an emergency. So if he wouldn't even answer a text then why would he want him there in person?

But t on the other hand… Jin had really needed to get out of the dorm and this was the first place he’d thought of to go.

And that was something he felt conflicted about too. His need to just get out. He knew there was nothing wrong with needing some space but at the same time he couldn’t help feeling guilty about feeling that way. Jungkook was showing now, he’d started to feel the baby move too, that was what had brought it on, his need to just escape. Because yes Jin understood that it was all new and exciting, and he knew that was why Jungkook wanted to talk about it and to share his experiences with people. He got that. He just wished it wasn’t so relentless. The baby was all Jungkook talked about now and while Jin was happy for him that didn’t stop the little voice in the back of his head telling him that if he’d just been more sensible, if he’d just owned up to what was happening to him back then, well that could have been him. If he hadn’t tried to ignore it, if he hadn’t kept on working he might have got to that point. But he hadn’t. He’d never got that far. By the time he’d decided he could do it, decided that even though he’d messed up his baby deserved a chance and he was going to do his best at being a parent there was no baby. It had all happened so fast, the time between accepting his new future as a parent to him grieving for that future being lost, it had been a matter of days. And while it had been hard at the time he’d thought he’d come to terms with it. Time was a healer or so people said and it had happened so long ago. There was no point on dwelling on the past when it obviously just wasn’t meant to be. That was what he'd tried to tell himself.

Then they’d found out Jungkook was pregnant. And at first Jin had been so focussed on making sure his friend was okay that he hadn’t had time to think about what had happened to him, not really. And then things had quietened down and it had all come flooding back. And while it hadn't been pleasant that hadn’t worried him too much at first. He’d been expecting it to happen but he’d thought that even though Jungkook being pregnant had brought back memories he’d be able to cope. He'd coped well so far, hadn't he? What had happened, it was never going to leave him but he’d got past the point of thinking about it every day. It was no longer constantly at the forefront of his mind. Sometimes he'd hear or see something that would bring those memories back again, that stab of grief, but he’d always been able to rationalise, acknowledge it was something he was always going to be sad about and then store those memories away again. He’d though it would be the same this time too. But it turned out it was a lot more difficult to do that when he was living with a constant reminder of what could have been.

Jungkook’s scan had been particularly hard. He’d thought he’d prepared himself. He'd told himself what was going to happen beforehand and convinced himself he'd be able to handle it, told himself he'd be okay. But when he’d seen Jungkook’s baby it had been like a punch in the gut and getting to hear the heartbeat had been a punch on top of a punch. There was Jungkook, all smiles, eyes full of wonder and Jin had wanted to hug him, he looked so happy. But he’d also wanted to curl up in a ball and cry because after seeing the baby and hearing its heartbeat he'd found himself grieving for what he’d lost all over again.  He’d never had that. He’d never got to see his own son or daughter, he’d never heard is baby’s heartbeat, he’d hadn’t left the hospital with a picture to keep. It wasn't fair. 

And with every milestone Jungkook reached it was yet another punch in the gut. As Jungkook bemoaned the fact he couldn’t fit into his jeans and he was going to end up with stretch marks Jin was hit with the realisation that there was no evidence there at all that he had ever been pregnant. No ultrasound picture, no stretchmarks showing he’d had to make room for a baby. There was no physical reminder in the world to say his baby had ever existed. He’d nodded and sympathised as Jungkook had sighed and complained but he’d been struck with a wave of sadness so acute he’d spent the  rest of the day in his room, pretending to read a book so he didn’t have to talk to anyone.

And now the baby was moving. It had been moving all along, Jin knew that but now he or she was big enough that Jungkook could feel it. And understandably that was something Jungkook couldn’t stop bragging about. But every time Jungkook told him about it that feeling of loss came crashing down again. It had been easy to guide Jungkook through the morning sickness and the tiredness and the mood swings. He’d gone through all that too. But that was all he’d had. He’d never got as far as feeling his baby move inside him. He’d never felt that wonder or that joy. He’d never seen his baby on an ultrasound screen, he’d never felt those first flutters of movement but that was only the start. As he read up on how to help Jungkook as his pregnancy progressed he came across more and more things he’d never got to experience. He’d never got to feel his baby kick hard enough you could feel it from the outside, he’d never experienced his baby getting hiccups or experienced the shortness of breath or lack of appetite that would have come as his baby grew and took up more space.  And that had him in