Sehun is doing a lot of things he never thought of doing in his life. 

When he’s with her, it is unexplainable; they finish each other’s sentence, ate ice cream out of the carton on the kitchen floor sloppily, drinking coffee at 2 o'clock in the morning, finishing an entire season of Game of Thrones within a night. 

It’s kind of ridiculous, really, how easy it is to be around her, especially since they’ve only really known each other since last year. One would think that they would have nothing in common, being from two different lifestyles, but their talks could literally last for hours. It surprises him even more that he’s grown needy of her even when he sees her almost everyday.

He stands near his glass window reminiscing the past. The first time he met her, she rubbed him off in the wrong way. Or maybe he was just surprised by the way she treated him. They didn’t get along very well. 

But that’s how it works, doesn’t it? There is no loud screeching halt inside your heart, there is no neon bulb that suddenly lights up, there is no background music on cue when you found your favorite person. It’s quieter, calmer. Even when he’s sitting across her, listening to the same story for over twenty times and yet he feels excited watching her lips curl when she smiles or the way her eyes sparkles when she talk. 

He realized how much he has changed. In his eyes he looked younger than ever. No longer were they dull or absent of light or hope. He knew there was more than the mask now and although he sometimes still believed he didn't deserve such love and affection surrounding him, he knew he had to embrace it to continue being better at what he does. Part of him still felt trying to have it all was a setup for failure and further heartache, but he was wise enough to know that trying in itself was worth it. If she'd once brought him to the edge with the excitement of her company, she's since learned to be with him with a control and deliberateness that's sometimes frightening to Sehun who tries not to need anyone. But even if she doesn't need him, he knows that he needs her.

His room door creaked opened and the secretary stepped inside. He holds a red file and he place it on the table. 

“We got what you asked for.” The secretary spoke softly.

Sehun raised his eyebrows at him, looking confused. “What?” He asked.

Mr Han nodded awkwardly then exchanges a pointed look with Sehun. “We found your mother.”

//

Sehun clears his throat for what feels like the twentieth time then stares out into the sea of faces. Silence seemed to engulf as he stood there in the cafe watching her.

In his mind, thousands of questions ignited but in the end it drifted all away in one small yet nerve-wrecking moment, as if it solidified something. He walked closer to her, his own body trembled so hardly and his chest tightens. 

His mother has aged. The once black silly hair she own is now greying. Wrinkles and fine lines are more visible on her beautiful face. Her steps are slower, but her smile still remains the same as how he remembers it.

She seem to notice him too, her breath hitching slightly as she stood up, staring back at him. 

“Sehun,” she called him out, in a tone he vaguely remember. Tears pricked his eyes, his heart felt too heavy with guilt of not finding her sooner. She inched closer but he remained still. She reaches out to caress his cheek but he flinches away violently. 

“You forgot me,” he accused, goading and cynical. “You forgot everything about me,”

“I never did,” she smiled sadly, her eyes glistening with tears. “There wasn’t a day I didn’t think of you.”

 Just another thing to add to the all the promises and pledges and hearts that are there in the world right now, poised to shatter and crumble and likewise refusing to endure. Not that it really matters; not really. 

“Yet you never come to see me,” he replied, his tone sharper than he expected. He wanted to show that he was unaffected but his voice gave away. He's aware of the bitterness that suddenly rears up in him, real and ugly, and the strangely familiar stab of loneliness. Sehun was little more than a child who saw things mostly in black and white - he had been spectacularly resentful and simplistic in his grief and coping when she left him. 

“I’m so sorry,” she took his hand in hers, apologizing for abandoning him. She knew it was useless. In the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, every prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is hole in your life where that somebody that you cared about used to be.

“If you remember me, I don’t care if anyone else forgets.” quirked into a hopeful smile, “Do you miss me?”

His eyes reach hers, looking guarded and hesitant suddenly before tears rolled, his entire face turning red, “Everyday.” He whispered.

 
She gave his hand a gentle squeeze before letting it go. She brushed his hair back from his forehead, “You gotten a lot taller,” she said softly, masking the urge to cry.

She spoke as he stepped back from her. "Come and see me whenever you're free. I’ll be waiting for you."

His voice was a low promise. "I will. " Giving her one last glassy look, he turned and headed away.

He kept his footsteps fast and controlled as he made his way back in the direction of Haru’s apartment. He needed to get there and talk to her.

//

The bell rang right as she pulled the frozen pizza from the refrigerator. Placing everything on the kitchen table, she moved to the door and opened it.

She smiled up upon seeing him, but his head were hung low and he refused to meet her eyes.

He did not make himself seem vulnerable and inviting but it cracked. Beneath that masculine and quiet exterior, his insides were crumbling.

He was just inches away from bursting. He walked past her and sat on her bed. She sat across him. Haru chewed her lips, wanting to speak but no words came out of . 

“I met her, my mother,” he starts, and his voice is so choked, he doesn't even recognize it. He keeps his face devoid of expression and his thoughts.

But they're likely on the same page. She studies him, looking very unsure, “And?”

“I missed everything,” he croaked. “I’ve even forgotten her sc-,” he begins to say, but she cuts him off by hugging him. She understands what' s he’s trying to tell her but she ignores it. 

“It's fine. Everything's going to be fine,” she says quietly, rubbing the length of his back. His arm snakes behind her as he hugs her back tightly. He leaned onto her, closing his eyes as his tears dampened her blouse. She felt like she could almost see the terrified teenager he'd been.

Haru wondered if hugging her made him feel better. God, she hoped so. 

People were all different. She'd always felt as if she require space when she is upset but Sehun was someone who seeks for comfort.

She sat there with him as his deep breathing filled the space around them. She had a lot of thinking to do, but one thing was certain; it seemed that Sehun needed her just as much as she needed him. He had personal demons that he might not ever be willing to talk about, but she wanted to help him learn to share more of himself with her.

He was worth the effort, and she was looking forward to trying.

//

Haru keyed in the code to let herself into her apartment, leaving her shopping bags by the door and moving to drop down onto her sofa with a sigh. For the sake of her sanity, if nothing else, she needed to unwind, and she had a pretty good idea of how she wanted to do it.

Her latest week had been a productive one, and she felt a deep sense of accomplishment. She’s joining Zeus Company next week and she’s been saving money to buy her some formal office clothes. The busy schedule she'd been adhering to had kept things exciting, and she already had plans for later in the evening. A wiser, more self-controlled version of herself would shop at a thrift store.

Lately, she'd found self-control to be increasingly overrated. She felt it’s okay to splurge money on herself every once in a while. 

A knock on the door woke her up from her thoughts.

It was a bouquet of flowers, white at that. Haru bends down to pick them, looking around for whoever rang the doorbell but no one was there. She looked at the flowers and found a card attached, 

Dinner tomorrow at 8?
Lay

Her lips curved into a soft smile as she read that card. 

//

Sehun ordered takeout dinner at a fancy restaurant located on one of the more recently powered up sections of Seoul. He'd been able to spend quite a bit of time with her recently, but he always felt the days were gone very quickly.

As soon as she heard the bell, she felt warmth spread through her chest. She knew exactly who it was. 

"Sehun,” she said in greeting, his name sounding incredibly sweet as it fell from her lips. She looked lovely. Her dark hair floated loose around her shoulders, her clothing consisted of the casual loose pants, and plain top she favored. He, naturally, was in his signature black attire, and he felt a derisive smile when he realized how inadequate she made him feel, she looked good in everything she wore.

Her eyes fell on the plastic bags he was carrying, “You know I’m on a diet!” She swatted him on the arm, watching as the smirk returned to his lips. It was the closest thing she'd ever gotten to a smile, the closest thing she knew she'd ever get to one, but it was acceptable.

“Just remind me the next time." He laughs, kissing her forehead, and then admits, "You look pretty." 

He discovered just how much he enjoyed spending his credits on her, despite her objections. She wanted to prove that she was capable of taking care of herself. He refrained from telling her that taking care of her was something he absolutely needed. Haru narrowed her eyes at Sehun in contemplation, but a slow smile crossed her lips before it broke out into a full-out grin. 

That's the little smile, the one she does when nobody but Sehun is looking. It softens her entire face, just this tiny curl of her lip. It’s such a small thing, but it makes so much difference. Those feelings, those very specific feelings that he was afraid of, they were erse. He'd had them only a handful of times for only one person.

He briefly looked at the flowers on the kitchen table and then to her. 

“Lay,” she answered without him asking, “We’re invited for dinner tomorrow at 8,” she said, as she arranged the plates on the table. 
Sehun smiled and nodded at her. He walked towards the table to join her but he stopped suddenly.

His smile evaporated and it is now replaced by a serious look. 

He felt antsy. His gaze was direct and probing, like he was searching for questions when he clearly doesn't want the answers. His mind dulled, feeling heavy and dazed. A particular scene struck his mind.

“If I like a girl, I would give her white flowers. They mean secret love,”

He felt the nervous energy flow through him as he turned his head around to look at white gardenia flowers on the table.