Sehun looked down at the cake the boys bought, looking bemused. It is a 3 tier basketball themed cake, with a heavy coat of sugar icing. Lay walked towards him and put his arm around Sehun’s shoulder, drinking booze from a plastic cup. Sehun stood mutely. He glanced at Lay and looked like he wanted to ask something.

“Lay, I want to-”

“Hey, cut the cake!” Baekhyun said cheerfully, interrupting both of them. He handed a plastic knife to Sehun, chuckling playfully.

“Am I a kid?” Sehun asked, grabbing the knife from Baekhyun’s hand, and cuts the cake into improper sizes.

Sehun sipped in his vodka as the boys sang him the birthday song. He sat alone in the dining area, while the boys were playing video games in the living room of Lay’s penthouse. He had been a little too quiet since the night before and Chanyeol was worried, that maybe in any moment he would just get up, bid his farewells and leave the party.

But he didn’t.

“You’re very quiet,” Chanyeol murmured to Sehun, walking up to him, leaving the group behind to their games.

He shot him a wan smile, “I don’t want to ruin the mood,” Sehun said.

“That’s more like it,” Chanyeol said approvingly. But he did notice, Sehun wasn’t up to his usual spirit today. “Your father wished you?” he asked lowly.

“He sent me a gift. Actually he send his secretary to send me a gift,”

“What is it?”

“I didn’t bother to see.” He said, sipping in his drink.

“Don’t you think you’re drinking too much?” Chanyeol said, pushing the glass away from Sehun’s mouth.

“Shut up, it’s my birthday.” He smiled.

Chanyeol shot him a pained look, “You know you can talk to me right?” he said gently. Sehun looked at him but didn’t argue. “I’m doing fine.” he assured.

“You think I didn’t notice, the way you look at Lay like you want to ask him something, and then suddenly changing your mind not to. And how you’re always looking at your phone. Are you waiting for someone to text you?”

Sehun said nothing for a few moments, then turned to Chanyeol, “You know, I’ve never held a girl’s hand before or dated them. I have no memories of Valentines or Christmas.” he sighed long, “Its my birthday today, but I feel like I’m missing something.”

“Well, there is no cure for being lovesick,” Chanyeol snickered after a pregnant pause, “I really shouldn’t be saying this. Baek's gonna kill me if he knows,” He paused trying to brush away the guilt feeling, “But Sehun, the feelings you have, will not be known unless you voice them.” He said seriously, “To want something, and being quiet about it, it the greatest punishment you could do to yourself.”

Sehun draw his eyebrows sharply together, as he read between the lines. Chanyeol nodded at him, as if he is assuring him it is the right thing to do.

Sehun fell silent again, considering the advise, before taking his glass and gulping down till the last drop.

///

Haru spent Saturday night cleaning her flat. It didn't particularly need it, but she did. She was going to go crazy, remembering about her awkward encounter with Lay. So she'd spent the night dusting under all the furniture and the tops of the bookshelves to distract herself. She'd re-arranged the books by color, and then re-arranged them back by subject and publication date. Then she re-arranged her closet by color. She almost put it back, but then stopped, deciding to keep it that way.

It was just her and her thoughts, repeating in her mind like an endless loop.

Her door bell rang and it jolted her. She looked at it, wondering who might it be visiting her at that hour. She walked and peeked a little, not opening the door chain. She straightened her back after seeing the familiar figure and released the door chain quietly.

“Sehun?” she called him. He looked down, his jet black hair covering his eyes. “Haru,” he called her back, in a voice she was completely unfamiliar with.

“What happened?” she asked worriedly, after seeing his strange stance. “Are you-”  she widen her eyes and inched closer to him, sniffing in his smell, “Oh my god, are you drunk?” she asked, incredulously.

“Don’t sniff me,” he giggled drunkenly. “You liar, you told me you’re going to see me today, but you didn’t,” he stuttered incoherently.

“Well, I’m seeing you now, aren’t I?” she said, earning another drunk chuckle from him. “I wanted to ask you something.” she started, “I went out with-” she stopped, taking in his condition. He looked a bit too drunk to listen to her, and so she decided not to ask him anything.

“Lay. You went out with Lay,” he completed her sentence, his left eyebrow shooting up, his mouth parting a bit.

He looked down again, stifling a groan, looking grumpy. “Don’t you see me?” he asked her. He looked like he was drunk out of his mind, but at that moment, he looked serious, as if he was demanding an answer when he lifted his head to meet her eyes, “I think I’m being very obvious. All these time, I’m standing right in front of you. Why can’t you see me?” he asked.  

Haru was taken aback by his question. She didn’t exactly understand what he meant, but he looked sad, and his expressions were unexplainable.

He leaned towards her, resting his forehead on her shoulder. “I’m sleepy,” he breathed, losing all his balance, completely collapsing on her.

“You got to be kidding me.” she gritted her teeth, as she hosted the tall figure inside her house. It wasn’t easy, to drag him to her bed, considering he is much taller and stronger than her. She sighed when she pulled his arms from her shoulder, putting him on her bed.

He went to a deep slumber apparently, when he didn’t flinch when she took of his shoes. “You must be good to me for at least for 10 years, after all I’ve done for you,” she panted breathlessly.

She shut her lips tight when she looked at his face. He looked peaceful, slightly smiling even when he’s asleep. He looked adorable, she thought.

She covered him with her blanket and stared at him a while before walking towards the toilet.

**

She brushed her teeth slowly, her mind picking up to the conversation that happened a while ago.

“What did he meant by that?” she asked herself.

She her head slightly, thinking about everything that happened right after she knew him. He started visiting the library frequently, talking to her as if they know each other for a long time, telling all his secrets, and his friends interrogating about him to her. She started putting the incidents piece by piece, and gasped, “Does he like me?” she asked herself again .

She immediately looks up at herself at the mirror, studying closely about her appearance, wondering if her conclusion seem sensible and what possibly could he have seen in her. All she could see is her post acne marks, and an angry pimple forming at her cheek.

She looked flawed.

 “I must have lost my mind,” she chuckled dismissing her conclusion, “There is no way in hell. How can I even derive that thought?”

///

Sehun stretched out his body, lazily turning around the bed. Its been a long time he had a sleep like this.

But something  was out of place.

The smell was eerily familiar but this wasn’t the one he’s used to every single morning. He smell pears and slowly opened his eyes.

Haru was looking at him closely, her face only inches away from his, her wet hair was left untied, observing him closely.

“Ah!” he yelled in surprise, jerking from the bed. “What are you doing here!”

She rolled her eyes, “Isn’t that my line?” she asked sarcastically. “You’ve been sleeping for so long, I thought you were dead.” she said casually, taking the towel and patting her hair dry.

Sehun snapped out from his reverie and looked around, “This is your house,” he said horrifically, “I came here last night?”

“Do you think my house is a hotel?” she asked, filing the kettle with water, “Do you want coffee or you’re heading back to your home?”

He still looked shocked, and mortified, “Where did you sleep yesterday?” he asked.

“There.” she pointed at the living area. She ducked to take 2 coffee sachets and poured them into 2 different cups. “Why were you drunk?” she asked.

He turned at looked at her. She was clad in her green pajamas, her hair still wet from the shower. The pear scent he smelled was probably her shampoo.

She looked pretty, he thought.

“It was my birthday,” he said lowly.

She put down the mug loudly on the table, “Your what?” She asked surprised.

“My birthday,” he repeated slowly, smiling.

“Oh my god, happy birthday.” She said, blinking rapidly, “I don’t have anything now,” She said, searching her kitchen cupboard. She tiptoed and grabbed the last packet of ramen. “Do you want this?” She showed him, “I know, this is no where near to a birthday meal, but I’ll add cheese and egg in for you.”

He nods his head, smiling. “That will do.”

He watches her as she prepares the ramen. Her hands were moving quick, from peeling the cheese to breaking the egg. She was always been a fast worker.

She took the pot and put it front of him and handed him a pair of chopsticks and a spoon. She then sat down across him.

He nodded slightly and began blowing the steam from the noodles. She smiled and sipped in her coffee, “So how’s birthday celebration?” she asked.

“Nothing new,” he said, slurping in his noodles. “My father,” he stops to chew his noodles, “didn’t even see me. He doesn't give a about me. No one does.”

“That’s not true!” she defended, “I care about you, your friends ca-”

“I’m an important part of someone’s life?” he cuts her off. “You told me that remember, you matter to someone, you’re important to someone’s life.” he mimicked her voice. She laughs at him, “You remember,”

“Do you recognize the small talks we had?” he asked her, looking directly at her, “There’s a chance, yes, but I bet, you won’t remember it the way I did. Every moments we shared together, just the two of us or with a couple of others, I have it memorized so I could replay it on my mind over and over again.” He whispered.

Haru’s mouth went dry and she looked at her hands, not knowing how to answer.

Feelings are not known unless you voice them.

“I like you, Haru. I like you a lot,” he confessed.

She stared at him, aware that the noise of the street had faded away to almost nothing. She could barely even hear him over the rapid-fire thudding of her heart, and she realized that she didn't know what to do with this confession. She had no auxiliary plans for this moment.

“I like Lay. ” she finally managed to stammer, painfully aware that her heart rate had increased embarrassingly, “You know I like Lay,”

He winced, “Does he tell you that you’re all he thinks about? That he want to see you every damn moment? Does he tell you any of that?’ He pauses to look at her and she try to keep a blank face. ‘No, I didn’t think so,’ he says quietly.

She swallowed again. She had no romantic feelings at all for Sehun, but something about him confessing so directly to her made her nervous.

“I don’t like seeing you with him. I don't like you getting excited for him, ” He said, his eyes finding hers again, “The truth is, its painful to see you with him. Wanting to do this, and wanting to do that, thinking if Lay wasn’t there, I'm able to do it all with you. The guy you like is my best friend, and I don’t want to feel jealous of him but I’m  here, being so pathetic and I can’t help but to feel sorry for myself.”

Her inhale was shaky. They fell silent, and for a while – 10 minutes, or maybe longer.

“I need to think about this,” she said, breaking the silence. She clasped her hands on her mug so that he wouldn't see them shaking.