Haru lay on her bed, imagining her future. She wasn't the type of girl to really think about things like this but after all that had gone on in her short life she realized she should put more thought into it. She looked at her phone, reading the mail again and again.

Her mother used to say, “Be grateful for all the closed doors, they protect you against all the paths that wasn’t meant for you. If it is not meant to be, it will never be.”

She walked away from her bed, to her kitchen, and poured her some hot coffee to ease her migraine. She sipped on her coffee and glanced the white mug on the table. Bits and pieces of what happened yesterday are slowly clicking back into place. Her cheeks went red with embarrassment.

Haru buried head under her arms, her fingers ruffling her messy hair, “I shouldn’t have done that,”Her eyes widen up a bit, putting a bit of a pout on.

 “He is very thin,” Haru pointed out in an unsure tone, her hands spread in front of her, as if she was hugging an invisible person. Seconds later, she shot up in her spot, blinking and trying to adjust to the disorienting thought.

“What am I thinking,” She said, and her voice cracked, incredibly parched. Haru heaves a wary sigh, trying to even her breathing and reclaim control of her mind. "Stop it." She chides at herself. “I need to find a job now and everything will go back to normal."

//

“Let’s meet.”

Yoona pressed send and waited for a response. She doesn't know how long she's been staring at it, but it was long enough to make her mind wander off a bit.

Yoona thought about her life. So much had happened in the last few years.

She walked and sat by the window, feeling the night air kiss her skin. It was cold, but she didn't mind; she could see the stars. Looking at the stars, she wished Sehun had the same affection she had for him. She wished he too will be excited to meet her as how she is when meeting him. She wished he would reply to her message sooner and she wished that he at least smile at her lovingly.

She had no doubt that Sehun was the one she was meant to be with forever although his actions made her falter sometimes. She remembered her encounter with a particular girl this afternoon and scoffed at the thought of that plain girl stealing him from her. How can someone named Haru take him away from her? It’s impossible.

It’s been a year, she recalled. She sighed, let her head down and grimaced at the bounce and subsequent pangs of pain remembering her past. She couldn't deny that she missed the feeling of being wanted and loved. Thinking back on her tumultuous relationship with Tao, she began see just how firm she had over his heart even from the beginning of their acquaintance.

Tao loved her.

Had he fallen for her so soon after their first meeting?  And if so could she have meant more to him than he let on even then? It couldn't be? Could it? Is that why she couldn't get the look of agony that had appeared on his face when she told that she was not in love with him anymore?

She shook her head to clear out the images that surfaced. She still hated herself for hurting him.

Was it all worth it? She asked herself.

When she'd first received  the calls and texts from her family about the marriage, she was against it. She didn't want to marry someone she don't even know.

But she understood the necessity of the marriage between her and Sehun. She understood the idea of merging her family’s business with his. She wanted to see Tao even after she’s married to Sehun. That was the plan.

She remembered meeting Sehun for the first time.

It was at his father’s 53th birthday party. He was wearing a handsome black suit, with a matching tie. Unlike the sons of other business magnate who socialize with every women attended, Sehun kept to himself, brooding at the corner, looking like he’ll flee the party at any minute. He said nothing, but his silence went unnoticed with the riot of noise that erupted around him. It was hard not to notice him. She could remember standing there in that room staring up at him. It was like she was completely transfixed just by his presence alone.She just could not explain the strange pull she felt with him. She was drawn to him in a way that she had never felt before and it confused her greatly.

Falling in love with him wasn’t what she intended. Not even in her wildest dreams.

She often find herself waking up in the middle of the night, thinking all the horrible things she’s done and all the pain she caused Tao. He wasn't healed, per se, but she assumed he was recovering. 

Her phone vibrated and she jolted out suddenly, rushing to the nightstand, to grab it. She grinned widely looking at the simply reply from him.

//

The automated car stopped in front of her. Her smirk seemed to widen as her cheeks heated all over again, and she casually walked towards the car. 

“Hi,” she greeted, as she step inside the car.

“Hi,” he returned, his voice a little hoarse. Stirring at the sound of his voice, she awkwardly smiled and started to make a conversation.

“Do you want to grab dinner?” She asked, hopefully. “There’s a place I know, but it’s quite far from here.” She trailed off, ignoring the weird air between them. The silence between them was loaded when Sehun didn’t answer her. He kept his grip firm on the steering wheel.

The smile that was on her face quickly turned downwards and faded completely.

She struggled a bit more, and finally settled on, “Sehun?” she called him.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. His hoarse voice now is laced with a tiny bit of guilt and she shut her eyes close, guessing where is this conversation turning too.

She hadn't been wrong.

“What are you sorry for?” Yoona asked, her voice shaky, and felt strangely raw.

“I’m calling off the engagement,”

“You can't ,”she whimpered, her face growing hot with embarrassment. “Why?” she asked, seconds later, giving up the last bit of her pride, “Is it because of her?” she asked, as if she was referring to a disease.

“Yes,” he answered promptly, and Yoona visibly flinched.

She scoffed at the notion, “You think you’re in love with her?” She crosses her arm across her chest, wanting to look unfazed.

Sehun hesitated, but didn't answer. To her shame, Yoona felt tears burning behind her eyes at his silence. With anyone else, she might have blinked them away, but this was him, so she let them fall.

“You don’t love her.” She said, shaking her head a bit, trying to clear her thoughts, “You just felt lonely and talking to her makes you think your life is less miserable, but you don’t love her, Sehun.”

His eyes flicked up to hers, his lips thinning a bit.

“She’s a commoner.” She shrugged, “A girl like that, will never fit in into our lifestyle. What does she have to offer you?”

“Stop,” he said, softly. “Stop trying to make rationalizations where there are none. I don't want to lie to you – not because I think it's morally repugnant, but because I don’t want both of us to be forced into living lives we don’t want.” He said quietly, “Loveless marriages are horrible. I don’t want to end up like my parents.”

The simplicity of his response left her head reeling. She swallowed, feeling a lump in . It grew like a bruise. He had that hounded look, and he glanced away from her glassy eyes. She felt her curls brushing her neck and her face, and shoved them out of her face. She felt claustrophobic. The bruised feeling in grow stronger.

“I love you. You’re in my veins, you !” She cursed out loudly, finally exploding her anger.

Sehun's nose wrinkled down the middle at her vulgarity, but he didn't particularly care. His head hung low, and he was unsure on what to say next.

Yoona chewed her lip, looking down at her hands, “You’re cruel.” she whispered.

“I’m sorry,”

She burst out laughing through her tears and pulled few pieces of tissue and used it to dab her wet cheek. She hesitated a beat, and croaked,“I'm pathetic." She said coldly, "I guess this is goodbye?”

//

The second time she saw him was at the convenience store. She wandered aimlessly around the store looking for things to buy when she ran into him. She was surprised to see him shop for groceries items.

“We meet again,” Luhan tells her matter-of-factly and Haru can’t help but smile at that a bit.

She feels awkward because she doesn’t know what to talk to him, and he seems like he is not interested in chatting with her either.

She stood at the side of the aisle, hurriedly grabbing the things nearest to her, and her eyes finally darted on him to look what he was doing.

Luhan on the other hand, was shoving a lot of canned foods into his cart. She looks away and walked towards the cashier to bill her items. She didn’t know what she took but she had three bags full of stuffs.

“Can you carry that?”

She turns around and looked at him and he was extending his hand. She stood still for a moment, debating whether or not to accept his help.

“Thanks,” She said, while passing him one of the lighest bag after seeing he was carrying a lot on his own.

Start a conversation, she thinks wryly, trying to ignore the fact that they have to walk a distance to reach their apartment.

“You live alone?” She asked him.

“Yes,” He replied. A bit of a dry tone creeps into his voice. She looked baffled at his answer. She thought he must be living with his family, after seeing the amount of food he bought. It was enough to feed at least 4 members.

“Where is your family?” she asks.

He raises his eyebrows at the question, “Far from here,” he replies simply. “We lived together before I moved out.”

She was expecting him to talk more about him or his family, but he opted to be quiet.

“You don’t talk very much,” She said, looking at him, this time.

“I don’t have a lot to talk about,” he shoots back.

“Oh, I doubt that,” she smiled,  “You simply don’t want to say what’s really on your mind, so you think it’s better that you don’t say anything at all.”

“Then I suppose our conversation’s over.”

She looked at him, puzzled at his sudden defensiveness, “Sorry, I don’t mean to offend you,”

He looked at her, his face grown a little softer, “No. You didn’t.” He said quietly.

“My father was a clerk,” He said suddenly, “He didn’t earn much. My family lived in a one room apartment until I was 18.” He looked straight, as if he was reminiscing his childhood, “When my friends had brand new clothes for Christmas, I had to wear clothing donated by our relatives. I hated that. I hated being poor.”

Haru nodded silently and looked at his grocery bag in confusion. He caught her gaze by accident. “We always ran out of food back in the day.” He chuckled, slightly lifting his grocery bag, “It’s just an insecurity of mine. I like to cook and pile up food a lot.”

It seemed to her that he was schooled by bitter experience when he was growing up. Before she could say anything, she noticed that he stopped walking suddenly and Haru looked up to see who it was.

“Hi.”

Haru knew the voice before her eyes fell on his face, but she was still just as excited to see it.

Sehun was there, standing at least 100 meters away, smiling at her. His eyes fell briefly at Luhan, and he nodded at him slightly, before looking at Haru again.

Luhan responded by nodding at him back, but he looked like he was trying hard to remember something. His face were hard, brows furrowed together and his mouth were open slightly.

“That’s Sehun.” Haru helped Luhan, “My friend from college.”She said.

“Sehun?” Luhan repeated, as if he was eerily familiar with the name but could not pointedly recalled how.

//

Sehun was at the couch, holding the kittens close to his chest. He took the book on the table, and examined it curiously, "A house in the sky.” He read the title out aloud, “What is this book about?” he asked her.

She was in the kitchen, organizing all the things she bought from the store in to the cupboard. “It’s about a teenager, traveling the world,” She said, “I like reading books,” she smiled, “ But I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. “

“What is it you want?” he asked her, his eyes lighten up listening to her.

“I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of experience possible in my life. It’s a beautiful world, and most people live and die at the same corner where they were born and they never get to see any if it.  I don’t want to be like that. I want to see the world.”

“I”ll take you,” he said, “Wherever you want.”

She laughed at his proposition.

"I' m serious." He chuckled. "Paris? Rome? Tokyo? Just say the word, Kim Haru."

She don’t know what time it was but they were talking about everything and anything.

She looked at him, feeling extremely ease and comfortable with him sharing the same space with her.

She doesn’t know what direction their heading in or what the future holds for them. But she can’t deny how she feels about or how she’s felt closer to him than she has anyone else in a long time.

What she does know is that she likes him. She likes the way he talks, the way he smiled like he knew things that no one else in the world does. She can’t remember the last time she had enjoyed just talking to someone so much. She likes him.

rationality, just say it, her heart screamed.

Ichigo ichiae, once in a lifetime.

“Sehun,” she called him. He turns to look at her, his eyes crinkled with smile adorably.

“I like you.”