***I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE POST, I WAS SO BUSY WITH MY COLLEGE. I PROMISE TO UPLOAD OFTENLY****

Haru felt the low rumble in her very bones, and her eyes opened as her heart rate quickened in a matter of seconds. She turned to the side, blinking in fear as lightning flashed across the sky.  She hoped for a moment it was but a nightmare, but as she became more aware, and her heart continued to pound in her chest, she realized it wasn’t just a dream as she’d wished. Haru breathed in and out carefully until thunder once again reached her ears, doing her best not to flinch at the sound. It was a silly fear, she knew that.  But no matter how much she tried, she just couldn’t push her fear aside. The fire and light had scared her, yes, but it was the sound that really caused her to panic.

Think about something else.  She tries hard to imagine if her being in a different place, in a different way. And sometimes it miraculously worked. But no matter how much she tried, she just couldn’t push her fear aside.

Baekhyun ran towards the stairs, up to the first floor of the mansion and knocked on her ornated door, panting breathlessly.

No sound.

He tried knocking harder this time, hoping for a response but still none was given. Sighing deeply, he opened the door and went inside her room.

She looked pathetic, he thought. She was wrapped in a blanket, her body curled like a ball. Every time a thunder strike, she trembled visibly, letting out a small prayer.

When his hand settled atop her shoulder, Haru couldn’t hide the flinch that wracked her body. She felt shaky and off balance, but the warmth if his hand comforted her enough that she was finally able to take a deep breath. 

Frustration coils inside him, his muscles tighten and he groans silently, sitting down on the bed. “Its okay, you’re safe. It’s okay,” he said curtly but not ungently. The two listened to the storm together for a few minutes as the thunder rumbled languidly in the distance.  Lightning still flashed periodically in the sky, but it was less visible, less striking as it moved out of reach of his eyes.

Haru breathed in and out carefully until thunder once again reached her ears, doing her best not to flinch at the sound. Baekhyun paled slightly as another flash lit up the surrounding area.  It lasted for just a moment, but in that moment he could see what felt like the entire world, and Haru held in a gasp as her fingers tightened in her blanket.

This storm isn’t going to end tonight, Baekhyun concluded. He was incredibly still, eyes staring out at the distance without a single blink. After a moment of silence, his eyes turned towards the bed, looking at her. He wanted to leave this room, leave her alone to stand up against her fears and to get back to his room. Why should he care?

But somehow his feet directed him to the large sofa at the corner of the room.

Another sleepless night for him.

//

Baekhyun was already at the breakfast table when she arrived. His hair looked messy and unruly. There were 2 small pools of dark circle under his eyes. He was reading the newspaper and is completely oblivious to the surroundings. Haru sat down quietly and tucked her hair behind her ears. She slouches ungainly in a chair across the table from him, drawing patterns in her miso with a chopstick. She chewed slowly on a piece of tofu before speaking.

“Thank you,” she began softy. “It was really-“

“I thought we agreed on ignoring each other,” he said irritably, still not taking his eyes off the paper. “Its best that we are not on speaking terms,”

Haru’s forehead furrowed, her eyebrows knitted close, “I was grateful of what you did  yesterday.”

“You can keep your gratitude to yourself,” He snapped. Her eyebrow winged up as she matched him stare for stare, and Baekhyun left the implied insult to hang in the air for a ripe moment before adding willingly, “I don’t trust you. And I don’t like the people I don’t trust,”

Haru scoffed off a laugh, feeling incredibly ridiculed by the way he’s treating her. Her hands gripped on the chopsticks tightly, to keep her from hurling the bowl of miso at his face.

In all the days she's been there he has never looked at her with anything but his customary irritated expression, he has never talked to her unless she asks something first, and he never once acknowledge her as a person.

It sounded so overdramatic even to her but it was true if she thought about it enough. Haru hated the arguments that sparked between her and Baekhyun but he was always the one to start it even if she did absolutely nothing to anger him. It was him who picked and prodded at her mistakes just so he offer his sarcastic remarks in a fit of anger because it was an excuse to let him vent out in the most chaotic way.

Haru’s mouth opens, the intention to speak there, but definitely crushed by shock as no reply comes out. A minute passes by, two minutes pass by and, when she eventually is successful in organizing her thoughts, all she can do is hesitantly whisper timidly,  "Why do you always have to be so hateful?”

Baekhyun looked up at her, as if he was unsure of what she said. He raised his eyebrows at her, mildly confused, “What?”

Haru tossed her head back and signed dramatically. “What is wrong with you Byun Baekhyun?” She asked, her nostrils flared with anger. “Why do you always have to be so hateful? Why do you always do your best in keeping people out? That you can’t trust anyone? What is wrong with you?”

Baekhyun refused to be sidetracked, wanting to say something in return, but nothing reaches his tongue. There’s nothing wrong in me, he kept repeating inaudibly. Haru’s bare toes sunk into the deep plush of the rug as she stood back up to her feet.

“Thanks anyway.” She stated plainly with a sneer caught in after his uneasy silence. Nothing came out from him. No protest. No apology. No words. Just absolute silence. He was frozen, stoic and unmoved, not with fear but with anything other than that. Pride. Anger. Disappointment. But mostly shocked. His eyes watched closely as she turned away, a look of disgust on her face. That’s the look, he recalled. The look he'd always receive from her.

//

Two days. It had been two days since Haru left the place. It was different this time, though. Tonight, per usual, he had been lying on his bed, mulling over his old life, his old freedom. He missed her house, her cats, her neatly organized room with a bookshelf full of books to spend his evenings. He missed the sunlight, how its warmth seeped through the fibers of his body. But above all, he missed her.

This time, Sehun wasn’t afraid that she may not come back. He knew that he would be seeing her again, and as often as possible.

Sehun was now a part of her life. And she is a part is his. He can't really pinpoint when or how things started to change between them exactly, he cannot find that moment when his heart unknowingly resolved it was time to fall in love with her. Perhaps it happened long before Haru burst her way into his life like the ray of bubbly sunlight she is, perhaps it happened after. It's difficult to say since he just now realized he’s a wreck without her.

He sat on his bed, staring at the wall. Empty. Dark.

 Sehun was used to longing for things he couldn’t have: more hours with family, the spicy rice cake his mother used to make, the sound of the ice cream truck from his childhood. The hardest of all to ignore was the quiet voice deep inside of him that ached for someone - some particular someone - to be with him with more than the casualness Sehun ever allowed.

He sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes and inhaling sharply and the same question he’d ask himself over the course of the days crossed his mind. Did he did the right thing? He did something that he convinced himself to be right. Last time he checked, provoking his father didn’t make it to his to do list.

 Sehun needed to be in control, but he didn’t know how. He had been on his own from 12 years old, and there was no help forthcoming from his strict father. He's always been alone in the world, and he couldn’t remember what it felt like to have the safety net of someone’s love to fall back on. He had taken care of himself for so long that he feared dropping his guard to let anyone get too close. He touched the ring on his finger, sighing deeply.

Everything was a destruction and chaos in his life and Haru’s presence is a breath of fresh air. She was the one person who could read him so well, make him smile so wide, and have him laughing so hard that his sides ached. She had started to become his home that he truly wanted.

 He never thought his sweet world will turn sour so quickly.

//

“Humans are jealous creatures, every time they see someone perfect, they always want to find a flaw,”

Baekhyun laid down on the wet green grass, his hands forming a diamond shape, capturing a few night stars. His phone was right next to him, and Chanyeol’s voice beamed from the speakers. Judging the high pitched voice of his, it sounded as if he was very amused with Baekhyun’s and Haru’s interaction.

“Don’t write checks your can't cash,” Chanyeol chuckled.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, before replying dryily, “Will it kill you just to side me on this one?,” he asked rhetorically. He can sense the excitement contained in Chanyeol’s voice. The bastard is enjoying this, he thought.

“Only 3 days more,” Chanyeol retorted, “You're doing this for Sehun,” he reminded. Baekhyun rubbed his eyes wearily with his thumb and forefinger, and his tone was defeated when he replied, “I know,”

He ended the conversation and lit a cigarette in his hand and a song he had been listening to a few minutes before playing in his head, he laid down on the dimly lit garden of the forsaken mansion that was honestly the definition of nowhere.

Pieces of the puzzle fell into place in Baekhyun’s mind, recalling the conversation, and he mumbled, “There's nothing wrong in me,” 

What others may perceive as cruel and evil is just his response to the unjust and unfair world. They may not understand him, and that’s fine.

Something in him breaks then. Too intimate, too overwhelming, too close, too much. Pathetic, he knows he sounds pathetic when he opens his mouth, but he can only endure so much without realizing how broken he really is.

Conceal. Don’t feel. Don’t let anyone know.

//

Haru toasted 2 breads for her, as she put down a bottle of raspberry jam and butter on the table. She even brewed herself coffee, humming delicately to a soft tone.

She looked at the clock, and it shows 2 am. She sat on the chair, spreading a large cloth on her lap, and started to spread butter and jam into the toasted bread. She cursed herself for skipping lunch, because she wanted to avoid Baekhyun at all cost, but her stomach gave in to the hunger.

Why should she starve anyway?

She was still humming the tone when he walked in, his hair looked wet and slick, and his face plush red. He glanced at Haru and her stomach turned ice at his sight. He walked towards the refrigerator, and grabbed a bottle on whiskey.

Haru tried to ignore him, but her soft tender heart might not. She wasn’t someone who eats without sharing, and definitely not a person who treat someone else horribly even when she's treated like that so. She was ready for all the possible insults that were about hurled at her. “Do you want some coffee?” she asked timidly. Baekhyun watched her warily, and she could sense a snappy comment coming any time soon.

Only that it never came.

“It's 2 o'clock in the morning,” he said, looking at the wall clock.

“Yeah, but do you want coffee?”

“Who drinks coffee at 2?”

“Sehun doe-“ she stopped midway. She remembered how wrongly it rubbed him when she mentioned it last time.

His sneer faded, and his cocky attitude dimmed. His tone was more moderate as he replied, “Sehun does,” he completed the sentence for her. He reached for a piece of toasted bread from her plate and took a large bite, his other hand pouring the hard liquor into a glass. Haru was intrigued by his casualness, and that pissed her off, too. Showing interest in him and his life would lead to unnecessary responsibility, and she was not down for that. However, there is a point in wondering why the cocky looked differently than his usual self.

He noticed her staring at him, as he brought the glass close to his mouth. “Go on, call me all nasty names you can think off,” he said airily.  

Haru’s cheeks began to pinken with temper, and she replied icily, “Why? Did I hurt your feelings?”

He barked a laugh and exclaimed, “If you’re thinking that you hurt my feelings, then I’m sorry to disappoint you. I don’t have any,”

Haru inspected her nails, with apparent disinterest, and said, “Those who hide their feelings are the ones that cares the most,”

He didn’t shout, this was more scary, there was more than a hint of his sociopath side showing, but that was tinged with fear, he didn’t like being vulnerable, she knew that feeling well. She just stared at him, trying to make sense of what she saw. He fumed and created distance between the two of them.

“I don't like having feelings," Baekhyun said coldly, leaping to his feet. Haru nodded seriously, her black eyes wide staring at him as his features went from proud to offended.

His entire demeanor changes instantly. He poured on the amber liquid into his glass and tossed it back in one large swallow before putting it back for a refill.

**

Baekhyun is drunk. He twisted the glass between his fingers and replied nonchalantly, “Sometimes I do feel like my soul is lost. Parts of me get chipped away,” He raised his glass up in the air, “For Baekhyun,” he said drunkenly before taking a measured sip of the whiskey.

“I think you’re drunk,” Haru said, staring bemusedly at the large glass of dirty amber liquid, and even though she understands the concept, she isn’t entirely sure why she’s there in the first place.

“You,” Baekhyun says, watching a drop of condensation drip off the edge of his glass. And then he pauses, “Get you some while the getting is good, because it will always go bad in the end.”

“What?”

“You and Sehun. It’ll never work out for both of you,” he said, “Do yourselves a little favor. End it before it gets serious,”

Haru take a deep breath before releasing it out soundly. “Are we doing this again?”

Baekhyun poured the remaining alcohol into his glass until the amber liquid quivered at the lip. He leaned down to away the excess before lifting the full glass to his lips and taking a healthy swallow. He grimaced and gasped, “Okay, I can do this. I can be supportive and all that bull.” He straightened on his stool and regarded Haru through hazy, unfocused eyes. “Let’s have it. Tell me all about how your love will save him from being the tragic, tortured hero. Explain to me why you think you can make him change his ways, and reform him into a family man.”

Haru had a feeling that she was going to pay for this later, but she wasn’t too worried about it, “There's no need for a reason to fall in love,” She said as a matter of factly. She wanted to convince him but taking in his drunken state, she concluded it would be useless. “You wouldn’t understand,”

Baekhyun blinks slowly and downs a good third of his own glass, “Sometimes love is not enough. If love were the only thing, I would gladly support it. But is love the only thing? I know people write and talk as if it were. Perhaps, for some, yes. And I wished I was one of them,”

Haru flinched at his honest view of love. It was the most honest and vulnerable glimpse Haru had ever gotten into the heart of the man, and it broke her heart. Byun Baekhyun was just another lonely soul who was afraid of allowing anyone to get too close. Haru understood that, because Sehun was the same.

“You might be completely different from what I imagined you to be, Baekhyun,” she smiled timidly up at him.