The next morning, Haru woke up early, as usual.

Unusually, though, Sehun was awake and watching her. Jolting a bit at the realization, she blinked at him, awkwardly smiling at the serious look on his face.

“Morning, love,” he murmured.

“Good morning,” she returned, her voice a little hoarse from sleep. “It is early, isn't it? What time is it?”

“Half six,” he assured her.

Her nose wrinkled instantly and he laughed. They shifted and fidgeted around until they were lying side-by-side, facing each other with their noses barely an inch apart. His knee was between her legs, and her leg was thrown over the top of it, and she felt his hand caressing her hand with what was almost a sense of familiarity. For the moment, they just laid there, quietly, content to just be in each other's company. 

His eyes searched hers – she didn't know what he was looking for – and she returned his gaze with a slight, amused smile. She felt herself grow drowsy again, though, and soon her blinks were getting longer and longer. 

“Suppose if I ask you to marry me, what would you say?” Sehun asked her out of the blue. Stunned, feeling as if all the drowsiness just seeped away, Haru just stared at him, “What?”

“Let's get married,”

She shifted a bit, looking up at her bedroom ceiling as she pretended to think about. “You're joking, right?” she asked, in an innocent tone.

“Seriously,” he pushed.

“Marriage,” she muttered. Eventually, she sighed, turning to face him. He looked a little wistful, but almost resigned; he'd known how this conversation was going to go, but he'd stubbornly set about starting it up, anyway.

She shifted on the bed, fiddling. “I don't think I’m ready for marriage,” she finally said, haltingly, feeling a twinge of guilt.

Sehun looked a little shocked, like a deer caught in headlights. But there was a sort of coyness to his expression, beneath the shock, and she grit her teeth together when she saw it. So he'd known that this conversation would happen eventually. He knew precisely what he was doing. 

“I want to live with you,” he said flatly. “I want to see you when you get home from work. I want to talk about your day, I want- I want a family.”

 “I'm not saying it's never going to happen,” she defended. “But this whole thing has happened really quickly.”

“No, it’s not”

“Yes, it is,”

“Nothing happened too quickly. If we were going any slower, we'll be moving backwards!” He snapped. He sat up, gesturing wildly. “What? You don’t like me enough to get married to me?”

Haru drew back from him, her eyebrows drawing together sharply as the words penetrated.

“No,” he said hastily. Then gently, “I just think- When you’ve decided to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want it to start as soon as possible. And can't that be okay? Can't we just do what we want without adhering to your rigid standards? For what reason are you deciding that it's 'too early' to do anything, except because you'd decided a long time ago that all relationships had to follow that schedule?”

“There's a reason for that schedule,” she huffed, growing annoyed. “You can't rush into sharing your life with someone. You have to get to know them really well before you take that leap.”

“We've known each other for almost a year!” he exclaimed, throwing the blankets off of him to slip out of bed. “Or does all that time not count because we weren't dating. No, actually, on second thought: Don't answer. It doesn't matter.” He picked his shirt and start yanking on it angrily.  “I may have let you having your own way with me, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy with it. I’m not playing along anymore. If this goes on, then I expect you to put a ring on my finger,” he punctuated his words. 

She steeled her spine, trying to force herself to calm down. “Sehun,”

“Is it a yes or a no?”

Tell him yes. Even if you are dying of fear, even if you are sorry later, because whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life if you say no.

"No" she said, slowly. She had to force herself to talk slow, because if she went too fast, she would say something she'd later wished she hadn't. "Marriage is forever. I don’t want to rush into it."

He didn't look appeased, ‘You're refusing it because you think we're moving fast or you’re refusing it because of me?”

Haru stared at him. A small part of her was desperately screaming at herself to stop, and not say any more. But looking at his chilling expression, she found that it wasn't guilt or regret or even anxiety that she was feeling. No, she was angry. Angry at his presumption. Angry that he'd just wedged himself into her life without sparing a thought as to whether or not she wanted that as much as he did. She found herself grinding her teeth, “We are not getting married. Not anytime soon,”

He was openly seething as she spoke. “Why can’t you be more understanding?” he groaned out. 

"Oh, I’m not being understanding?" she huffed, incredulous. "So you're quite understanding, are you? You know precisely where I'm coming from? Know my emotional state? But you haven't even figured out that I don't want you here every second of the day."

It came out harsher than she intended, and as soon as it was out, she inhaled sharply – almost as if she could it back if she did it right. 

He was staring at her like he'd been slapped.

"Sehun," she tried, slowly, keeping her voice calm, but he was already shaking his head.

"Alright," he said, lips thinning as he looked away from her. "If you don’t like me being here with you, all you had to do was say so, you know. I'm not a bloody mind-reader, am I? Just a person who was unfortunate enough to want to spend time with you." He glared at her, and for a second she felt a chill go up her spine. It didn't look like the Sehun she'd come to know over the past year. When he spoke again, his voice was unmistakably frosty, and his expression was a blank mask. “You saying no doesn't have a damn thing to do with your self-imposed schedule or some crap that we don't know each other well enough.”

He glared at her after he buttoned up his shirt. He'd missed a button, leaving the entire thing lopsided. Normally, she would have pointed it out, but at the moment, she didn't find it particularly funny. “You're scared,” he said, flatly, his index finger aimed squarely at her stunned face. “You're scared of this, and you're scared of me. You're scared of how you feel about me. And this?” He gestured at her flat. “This space of yours? This 'having a little hidey-hole' for when you feel suffocated? That's not going to work, for me.”

She glared at him incredulously, struggling with the blankets and throwing them off of her so she could follow him as he stormed out of the bedroom. 

“I'm not scared. It's just ridiculous to make such a huge commitment this early in a relationship. It's stupid.”

“And you're afraid of being stupid,” he snapped. “You're so afraid of not making the perfect decision every single time that you just stall out and don't make one, at all.”

“I'm making a decision! I made it when I said no!” She could hear her voice growing shrill.

He took his phone and wallet from the nightstand. A muscle in his jaw ticks as he regarded her. 

 “Sehun, don't leave like this,” she sighed, when he headed for the door. “Why don't we talk about it?”

“I have a better idea: Take some time and sort yourself out,” he snapped, turning back to her as he opened the door. “You want your space? You've got it.”

Then he was gone. She flinched a bit as the door slammed shut.

**

Two days passed, and – true to his threat – he hadn't come to see her. And she really didn't want to come crawling back to him begging for forgiveness, mostly because he was being so ridiculous. All this because she didn't want to get married?

 Absurd.

But she wasn't prepared for how lonely the flat would feel, without the air being full of his sarcastic remarks and caustic sense of humor.

Stubbornly, she ate dinner alone at her table. Being alone had never bothered her before, and damned if she was going to let it bother her now. After catching herself imagining his little remarks, Haru finally groaned and grabbed a book to sink into bed with. She was pathetic.

After feeling her eyes grow heavy, she nestled under the blankets, expecting to feel relieved that she had the whole bed to herself, again. She had only slept next to him for a week, but the mattress felt different without his weight. She felt a little chilly too. The moist breaths against the back of her neck usually bothered her, but now their absence made her feel fidgety and restless. She missed having his arm wrapped around her middle. She missed his otherworldly body heat.

And she really missed the version of herself that had existed only a year. She didn’t text him after the fight. It was just that she wanted to give herself some time to be alone, and cool off. And honestly, she thought Sehun could use the time off, too.

//

“Nearly 72 hours and she didn’t even text me,” Sehun said, a little bitterly, looking at his phone. He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Maybe she’s grown sick of you,” Kai chided in, teasingly. “No girl likes a short tempered man,”

Sehun went a little rigid, his eyes avoiding contact, “Well I don’t care if she’s gotten sick of me or not. I’m Oh Sehun, for ’s sake,” he said, trying too hard not to sound bothered. He reached for the bottle of whiskey in front of him and pulled out the cork. 

Kyungsoo scratched his eyebrows after catching Sehun started to gulp down the entire bottle of whiskey. “So do you still like her?”

“Of course I do. Four minutes of fighting doesn’t mean it’s all over,”

“But you lost your temper and yelled at her? You know, you shouldn’t do that if you’re going to regret it. Not too bright, now is it?”

“Save your breath,” Sehun replied, growing annoyed. “I had enough of terrible days already, I don’t need one of your stupid lectures,”

“You always do that don’t you? You lash out at people when you’re upset,” Chen said, grabbing the bottle from Sehun’s hand. “Friends see most of each other’s flaws, but partners see every awful last bit,”

A frown tugging at Sehun’s lips as he sat back, crossing his arms a bit. Chanyeol blinked at him, registering dimly that he looked almost hurt. “You do realize, that if you actually dated her, saw her on a regular basis, lived with her, that she would find some fault with you, right? That she would find some things about you that drove her crazy. That she'd make demands of you that you wouldn't like. That she'd get angry at you,” Chanyeol said promptly, “That’s what living together is all about,”

Sehun looked resigned, his eyes going distant before he spoke, “I felt like my heart is being ripped apart when I had to stay away from her, I just don’t want to go through it again,” His gaze dropped to his ring on his finger, “Call me old fashioned,  but I still believe marriage is the answer for a happy life. Important people don’t show up often but when they do, you got to hold on to them. That’s something I’ve always known,”

The boys sat back, staring at Sehun with wide eyes. He seemed to realize what he'd said, and snapped his mouth shut, his jaw working slightly as he inhaled carefully.

“You sound a lot better when you’re honest,” Xiumin smiled up at him, “You're deep person, Sehun. Who knew?”

“Shut up,” Sehun rolled his eyes, getting to his feet to stand up. “Anyway, where’s Baekhyun?” 

//

Baekhyun crouched on the floor of his bedroom, trying to tame his wild mind to no avail. Wicked, anxious thoughts nibbled at him as he stared at the wall.

Thoughts of her. 

“Baekhyun!” Chanyeol bellowed from the bottom of his lungs, as he ascended the stairs to his room. “Where the bloody hell are you?”

Baekhyun howled, and his frown deepened, “Go away, Chan,” he yelled back behind the closed door, “I don’t want to see anyone now,” he sighed deeply and whispered to himself, “Not while I’m in this mess,”

“No way,” Chanyeol opened the door to the room and was at loss for words for a few moments when he entered, “What happened in here?” he asked, his eyes widen, taking the situation of the room. Clothes scattered everywhere, few bottles of hard liquor on the floor. “Care to explain?” he asked a minute later, his eyebrows raised silently. 

“Nothing happened,” Baekhyun replied nonchalantly. “Drink?” he asked, as he walked towards the table, lifting the bottles to check whether anything's left. “I’m afraid I finished the good stuff,” he muttered, “I think some are left in the kitchen. Help yourself,”

Chanyeol felt as if he’s looking at a brand new person. The Baekhyun, he knew were never the one to over indulge in alcohol, he's always chirpy and certainly not the one who spend most of his time confined in a room. A slight discomfort arose in Chanyeol’s heart as he regarded his friend. “Baek? Is everything okay?” he asked, unable to mask the worry in his voice. 

“Everything's fine,” Baekhyun smiled, although his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “Came here to check up on me, dear friend?” His eyes closed, and he rubbed his face with his hands, trying to wipe away some of his exhaustion.

He cast him a wary glance, “I had to, since you went missing for a couple of days,” Chanyeol folded his arms, “A lot of things happened.”

“Spill,”

“We called Lay last week, he said he’s doing fine. He said he’s able to cope with the weather and he’s getting used to the environment there. And,” he paused, scoffing lightly, “Sehun asked Haru marry him,”

Baekhyun was instantly on guard, stiffening, his eyes going hard. "What did she said?" he asked, jaw clenching a bit.

"She said no, of course," he sighed.

"Then, what happened?"

Chanyeol’s eyebrows raised incredulously.  “They're yet to figure it out,” he said slowly, ‘Since when are you interested in knowing about her?” he asked, lines forming between his brows, “Is there something I need to know?”

Baekhyun chuckled lightly, “Haru's not someone you can put a lock on,” he smiled fondly, “She's brave, fearless. There’s a difference between loving someone and loving the idea of her. Some women are not meant to be caged. Sehun’s an idiot if he think he can put the cuffs soon,”

Chanyeol froze a bit where he was, casting him an uncertain, almost stony look.

“Saying her name stabbed my heart, like someone had ripped through my carefully stitched up wound  that I thought was healing,” he paused, feeling the bile up in his throat, “I’ve broken many hearts. It to get mine broken this time,”

Chanyeol slowly stiffened, his jaw hardens slightly as Baekhyun’s words really sank in, “Baek-“

“I love her and it's painful. Loving someone from far, watching them from the outside.” His palms balled into a fist, “I’m not doing fine, Chan. I’m not fine,”

Chanyeol fell silent before expression quickly morphed into anger, “What the hell are you talking about?” he snapped, his tone condescending, " Are you drunk?,”

Baekhyun didn’t reply him, instead he looked at the walls of his room, his gaze lost faraway. Chanyeol stared at him, speechless, and then his mouth snapped shut with an audible click, “She's Sehun’s girlfriend. What do you mean you love her?” he asked, slowly, “Did something happened in Japan?”

“I've never been lonely. I've been in a room – and I've felt alone. I've been depressed. I've felt awful -- awful beyond all -- but I never felt that one other person could enter that room and cure what was bothering me, but I was wrong. Those days I spent with her is when I was the happiest,’

Shocked silence filled the room.

Chanyeol folded his arms around himself, feeling so miserably guilty. He’s the one who proposed Baekhyun to accompany Haru to Japan. Little he knew that he invited this entire mess, “Don't do this. She’s your best friend's girlfriend. Having feelings for her is not okay,”

“Did you say the same to Sehun when he wanted take her from Lay?” he glared at him. “I bet you didn’t. It’s always been Sehun, isn’t it?” he asked, anger pooling at his voice. “For you, for her and for everyone. It’s always him. You treat him like he’s some special snowflake. Why can’t it be me this time? Why can’t you have my back for a change?’

Chanyeol’s jaw was set, “Do you hear yourself right now?”  he said, his voice trembling with contained fury, “You sound like a jealous kid craving for attention. You were the one wanted him to steer clear from her. Because you were worried about him, because you cared for him. You didn’t want him to get hurt,’ Chanyeol’s voice exploded, “He was your friend!” 

Baekhyun went silent, and realized a painful twist of his insides recalling his past actions, “He still is,” he whispered.

“Then don’t do this,”

Baekhyun looked at him, emotionless, “Without love, I can live fine,” his voice conflicted, “It's not like I've always had what I wanted. I was never selfish or greedy for once in my life. I can live fine without love. I will find a way to survive,” he swallowed hard, “Dying suppose to be hell. But why is living is hell now for me? Why do I want to be selfish this time?” he muttered, his eyes starting to tear up, “Why whenever I thought I had the world, somethings just managed to slip away?”

Chanyeol didn't say a word the entire time.

 “You're crying,” he shake his head sharply in disbelief,  noticing the tear at the corner of the eyes, “For a girl,”

‘Yes. I’m crying,” Baekhyun didn’t even bother to wipe his tears away, “ I'm crying pathetically for a girl,”