Thank you for singing with all your heart.
If there is a heaven, I hope God takes good care of your soul.
You deserve it.
Rest in peace, Kim Jonghyun.

Song #5

It seemed like I got closer so I called you with a fluttering heart

But there’s no answer

Though I extend my hand, though I extend it with all my strength

I can’t reach you (yet) – Selene 6.23

FLASHBACK - (THE NIGHT IN WHICH THE MOON SHONE ON BOTH)

Christmas lights gleamed on an autumn night, colored lights embellished the porch as two small children sat on a blue blanket under the wooden floor and fluffy pillows scattered everywhere. Her younger version, who loved reading and didn't know what adult fears were, continued to read a book in English that she held on her flexed legs: an ancient love story between the moon and the sun. Sitting both against the wall of his house, Jinki observed the moon drawn in the book, listened attentively, and wondered why I love you was one of the few words in English that he knew. 

He was concentrating on listening to her read, loving how those words sounded that were strange to him at times.

"There's only one moon." She said when she finished. The closed book rested on her legs while Juliette held up a finger, only to emphasize that there was one moon in the world. "And there is only one sun."

Although when he didn't understand everything she wanted to tell him, Jinki understood the meaning of being one in the world. In his innocence, Jinki believed that Juliette was unique in the world as the sun or the moon, any of the two that she wanted to be.

"Sun? Or moon?"

Juliette understood the question immediately and took a look of the night sky. She would choose between an astronomical body and a star, both that shone with their own light, both that guided the path of people with their light. Juliette didn't know many things at her young age, but she was good to relate one thing to another, like seeing the moon with her grandfather before going to sleep, stories that said that in the midst of darkness, the moon shone to show the people the way back home.

To her, moon meant kindness.

"Moon." She said, looking back at him.

Jinki smiled just because she did it, and she smiled because she compared him to the sun: always as bright as the daylight, as kind as the warmth of the sun.

That night the moon that shone in the highest part of the sky shed its light on those children made them felt unique and special, as if only the two of them were looking at it.

FLASHBACK ENDS.

Sitting on the steps of the porch of my home, I realized that Mom's garden was the same since I had memory.

The most beautiful flowers were planted around the porch, the colors of the petals still shone with the sunlight, and they still framed the backyard like a photograph. The grass was as green like when you were 10 years old and played with me under the shadow of the tree next to the house, the hours passing by without us noticing it until night fell, and when the shadows covered the city, the fort of pillows that we put together on the porch was my favorite place to hear you read, even though at that moment I didn't understand most of the words in english that you pronounce.

After you came back to your home, studying English in our little place was my favorite hobby when I was a little kid.

"The garden looks good, mom."

Sitting next to me, mom smiled with a thoughtful expression, as if she was making her own trip to the past like her son.

"The flowers on the right side are new. Juliette helped me plant them."

Your name on her lips was said with so much love, but I let it go because of the surprise to know that you were here without me. Mom looked at me calmly, as if your visit was something as casual as natural, and she smiled at the thought of you.

"Juliette came a few days ago and brought us a small cake that she prepared herself. Then she helped me plant some flowers. I like the way she held them: very carefully and delicately. She said she would come back another day, that's why I was surprised to see that you came alone."

I didn't want to worry mom because of my clumsiness, but after seeing you go away because of me, I wanted to go back to the times where I was clumsy because I was stumbling on my own feet and not because I hurt you the way I did it. Knowing that you were safe was the most important thing for me, but although Jinwoo didn't ask for explanations when I called him, being with him was the beginning of my own punishment for having reacted the way I did. I was dying of jealousy but I couldn't say it out loud, besides, I deserved it for not trusting you.

"She has a lot of work lately."

"I know. My poor Juliette has to do it all by herself." Mom sighed sadly, and although it was sad that her words were truth, it was endearing that she continued to treat you like her own daughter. "But she said it was thanks to you that she was able to finish her project... she said you were very sweet to help her."

"She said that?"

The emotion in my voice was so obvious that mom laughed happily, her smile that was the same accentuated innocently because she didn't see the guilt that I carried inside.

"Juliette said you were very, very sweet."

I felt doubly guilty - but I didn't say it out loud even though I deserved to be scolded for my behavior. I was a fool and because of that I became one of the many people who judged you without knowing you, one of those people who didn't bother to know your side of the story. How could I be so dumb and blind at the same time? I should have trusted you, that's what a good husband would do.

I became one of those people who hurt you.

"Mom, I think Juliette can remember me." She lost her breath for the moment like I did this morning, but her next reaction was normal: her expression became a kind one that tried to tell me without words and without hurting me that it wasn't possible. "I know it sounds impossible. This morning when I went to wake her up she was dreaming something; it was some memory about her and me."

Mom looked away and watched the flowers you helped her plant, the memories of you occupying her mind. They were not forgotten memories, but hidden ones in the darkest part of your mind. False hopes wouldn't help me at all, but I was sure of what I heard. However, at this moment the memories couldn't comfort me, and I looked at my mother who taught me to apologize and correct my mistakes: And that was exactly what I should do now. 

So with that in mind, I said goodbye to my parents and went back home.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

"The boys and I have something to do outside. Do not leave this room until you know more about the other. I warn you, I want to see some progress when I return. And take care of the baby."

Only thus, Key closed the door of the room. Fate turned things around and now it was I who received the hard looks from my members before they left and left us here. Key was too honest not to show his displeasure, Jonghyun seemed disappointed in me for not trusting you, Minho was worried about you, and Taemin was just confused.

With Commedes in your arms, you walked to the bed and left the puppy in it, where his little paws stretched out on the bed while he played with the bone in his mouth as you watched him. I sat on the other end of the bed, thinking that since you arrived at the apartment, you really loved to look at that little creature that was perfect, because he, like Garcons, seemed to change your mood, it seemed they made you feel better no matter how bad you could feel.

Following the order of Key to know us better, I expected that asking would really make you tell me something what I already knew about you.

"Just one thing. Tell me something I should know about you."

You searched your mind for something you could tell me, something that might not be so profound because you didn't trust me to confess your thoughts.

"I'm someone that people call cold."

Of all the lies you could have told me, that was so false that it made me laugh.

"You are not that even if you wanted to. And only the people who think they know you have that concept of you." But I sighed in shame, for not having supported you as I said I would, for having forgotten who you really were and for having looked at you like those who didn't know you at all. "Just one thing, angel."

Your gaze strayed from mine as you sighed; too tired to fight those people who thought they knew you. But you stood up as if you were finally willing to take the first step towards me, to share with me something that you kept only for yourself. You stopped in front of the shelf on my desk that now was yours, the one that was finally full of the books you brought, and you took one that was thicker, with a brown cover and a red ribbon that separated the pages.

You went back to bed and sat down just to push the book gently towards me.

For a moment, I thought it wasn't real.

"Really, angel?"

You nodded, but even you were as nervous doing that as I was because I was about to see something that seemed important to you.

I opened the brown cover and discovered photographs that you took around the world, between America and Europe, up here in Asia while you divided your life between learning to manage your father's businesses and being who you really were when you had a camera in hand. The natural beauty that you learned to see in silence was reflected in each photograph, and I hoped that one day, everyone could see that beauty that you kept quiet in your interior.

"These are beautiful, angel. You have so much talent."

You were not used to listening about the talent that you couldn't put into practice, you couldn't make it your lifestyle because your life was already decided by your parents: what they thought was right for your life was wrong for you.

The section of your best friends were full of photos of Samantha, and I couldn't wait for you to see her tomorrow, not because that would make you forget what I did, but because her stay in Korea would make you sleep in peace at night, because you would know that someone who loved you was very close to you. There were photos of Jinwoo too, but I couldn't blame him for loving you even though I would have liked to. Everyone but you knew the pain for hiding a love that deserved to be heard. And although it was hard for me to admit it, Jinwoo and I were in the same position: so close to you and so far away at the same time, impossible to tell you the truth about the love that we had to hide. Although our reasons were different, silence was the same result for both.

Jason, your older brother, had his own section, always holding his little baby, the one you were looking at with so much love because there was an ocean that separated you all right now. The memories were the only thing that made you feel close to them right now.

However, it was the photographs that others took of you that made the flame of memories melt my reservations towards you. At this very moment, I asked God  again to grant me the same miracle that I asked Him every day I wake up and before going to sleep. I asked him to wake you up from that deep sleep, and I promised him that I would give him everything I had, just so that he would make you come back to me even if it was only for a day.

When you extended your hand to flip the pages that showed you, my hand finally took yours, and the warmth of your hand tickled my fingers as a sign that this was real.

"The day of our wedding, I'll kiss you, angel." It was curious how the right words made you hold your breath. You were so close to me, a kiss away, but I didn't want to challenge fate or my good luck. My hand caressed your cheek the way I wanted to do it since we met. Soft, as delicate as your skin. "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but at some point in our lives, I'll make you fall in love with me."

The warmth of your cheek remained in my hand even after I pulled it away to look at the album again, to give you time to clear up your most confused thoughts, and to give myself some time, to calm the beating of my heart .

Jeremy was on the next page; his kitty smile was identical to yours. In the cartoons we saw as children, cats that could talk smiled and the corners of their lips used to curve upwards all the time, just like your lips did when you smiled. However, not even your brother's face could allow you to do it again.

"You know he's my twin. Right?"

"I know." I whispered watching his photos with you, in the times when you were really happy at his side. "You two have the same kitty smile."

The comment made you chuckle, probably because you had already heard it.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

But you shook your head.

Until this second, I still didn't understand why life had put you in the middle of this test that was so difficult to overcome. It seemed that fate was still testing your courage, but I never understood why you. You, who were so innocent, a complete person. You lost a lot, but I wanted to believe that one day life would give you back what was yours, and it would even give you something else.

While you were looking at Commedes again with the same peace with which Mom used to look at her flowers, I understood that maybe having a puppy around could be the beginning for something better.

"Do you think our children will want a dog someday?"

Your nervous laugh was one of my favorites because it used to show your true self.

Fortunately for you, Key's singing voice saying your name went around the apartment when they returned. With some doubts, you were the first to get up and leave the room because Key kept calling your name, not noticing that Commedes followed your movements all the time. My wrist watch indicated that an hour had passed since they left, and this was the first time I questioned where they had gone without telling me anything. I left the room as well and walked down the hallway back to the living room, where the rest of my band members and Jinwoo were.

"I just came here to leave someone. After that I'm leaving, but this is for you."Jinwoo smiled at you and his gaze softened, looking at you with the love he hid from you. Then his gaze drifted to the door. "You can come in now."

This was the first time I saw Samantha in person. Her hair was as brown as in the photos of your album and in the few called videos that we did to plan her arrival to Korea. Her arms closed around you in a hug as strong as the love you had for the other. Neither you nor I could believe it because you never suspected that she would come to you, and I because I didn't expect to see her here today. 

You were so happy to see her that your happiness became my happiness. Despite the surprise, I was able to feel your happiness just like everyone else. I wished I could make you happy like this every day, and at the same time, I hoped I wouldn't hurt you anymore, never again.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

"How much longer are you going to look at me like that?"

While cleaning the remains of food from the kitchen table, Key's eyes returned to take that look of displeasure, as if my mistake of the day had become a smell that only he could feel. Still sitting around the table, the others chuckled while he turned to do the dishes, while very close to me, you rested in your room with the person you considered a sister. Now that Sam was here with you, in the same country, I trusted that everything would be better from now on with her by your side.

"I'll look at you this way as long as I want. You're lucky Juliette is not spiteful. If you would do that to me, it would be the end of our friendship."

"Friends? I thought we were family, Kibum."

"Right now we are just people, Lee Jinki."

Jonghyun's mouth fell with false surprise while Minho laughed with joy at the funny and actually good joke, even though it was an offense to our brotherhood.

"The good news is that you knew how to solve the situation, hyung." Minho said. At the end of the day the situation was resolved in the way it should have, leaving everyone at peace before going to sleep. "It could finish differently but everything ended well."

"Technically we did it." Jonghyun said proudly. "Well... Key did it. It was he who called Jinwoo to ask about Juliette. If not only Jinwoo would have taken all the credit."

"But it was Jinki hyung who brought Sam noona." Taemin said, luckily for me, always on my side.

"Technically, Sam did it." Key answered without bothering to look at us. "You should thank her she came a day earlier."

"I'll thank her for the rest of my life."

At bedtime they went to their rooms, waiting for tomorrow to start the day with a new member in the company. They couldn't be as happy with Sam's arrival as you were, angel, but it was their desire to feel close to you, that's why they felt happy for you. Thanking them all for defending you even though that means they were against me wasn't enough to show them my gratitude, but I was sure they already knew how much I loved them for the things they did for you.

Being the last one in the kitchen, I got up to turn off the light and walk down the hall to the bathroom, inside an apartment where voices and laughter were no longer heard. But then, a voice that seemed to be a whisper in my ear brought me to the door of your room, a voice that took me to a special time of my life.

When you finished reading, Sam asked you the same question that I made you once.

"Sun? Or moon?" That innocent child had asked you after listening to you read.

My little angel looked at the night sky in that passage of my life, deciding whether to choose between a bright sun, or a moon whose light guided people through darkness.

In the present, inside a room that was like a fort for you, you became the girl I met once.

"Moon." You said again.

Although I couldn't look your eyes like that time, I pictured you smiling while you said it now and when you were just a little girl, as beautiful as you always were.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

Hello everyone. I hope you like this little chapter c: I hope it makes you smile even if it's a little.
Thank you all for the love you have given to this story and to the others. I will never forget it!
I will do my best to continue them.
I'm sorry for the possible grammatical errors but as always, I will fix them.
But as always, thanks for reading. XOXO -V.