Song #3

"You’re already the center of (my) whole world, my focus
You play me all day, and even if you push me, pull me, and I fall down
I follow your scent that embraces my body again
I can’t stop, so take all of my heart and my breath." – Juliette.

Sitting on the porch in the backyard of your house and looking lost in a place far away from here, you ignored the fact that the wind brought to your feet the pink leaves that fell from the cherry tree near you. My worries danced around my mind, and I hoped that being alone with me would give you the freedom to speak and tell me what was on your mind, so that you finally shared the reason for the problem in your university, but your independence was stronger than my good intentions, angel, and that moment never came because you decided to hide the reason for yourself.

I walked out of the double glass doors and the evening light fell upon you, shining beautifully, angel, but my presence caught your attention and you turned to me. The small red wound on your lower lip shone before my eyes as the proof that you really got hurt this afternoon.

"Everything is ready, angel." I sat beside you on the stairs to give you some time before we left. "You're okay?"

Your eyes shone in confusion again before the word that I used a lot during our childhood, but you decided to look away to not give too much importance to a word that apparently had no meaning for you.

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

You didn't seem very sad to leave your house, however, it was tiring to leave it behind because what was coming was another beginning.

"My members are excited to meet you."

I tried to start a conversation that would take you away from the thoughts that were in your mind, and for a few seconds at least, you forgot how annoying it was to move out.

"They look... really nice on TV."

With so many years living together, I began to fear for their behaviors when they meet you.

"They are really great, but... don't pay attention to the jokes they can make."

You chuckled, completely calm at the slight pressure of living with kids you didn't know at all.

"And are they fun? The jokes, I mean."

"Most of them."

At least you didn't seem intimidated by them and that was a relief to me.

"Sounds like fun."

But it seemed that your thoughts were too interesting to let them go, and you pushed your hair back with a tired expression on your beautiful but hurt face, angel, and you slid a finger over the wound on your lip. I knew that I should stop insisting until you were ready to speak, and I wished you were at some point, but my concern for you exceeded the distance I had to keep.

"Are you sure you're all right, angel? You can talk with me."

"I'm fine... really." You didn't stop looking forward, but your gaze fell for a moment. "I'm sorry you had to go to my university. It's just that now... I only have you."

I shouldn't have rejoiced to hear that you had no one else, but my selfishness was more powerful, and I found myself smiling internally because you thought of me. However, I couldn't fool myself because I knew what you were talking about: you didn't just have me, but now I was the person closest to you because of the marriage.

"Don't say you're sorry." I tried to be firm, but my voice faltered like last night when I tried to berate you for throwing the soda at that girl. "It doesn't matter if I have to go every day. I will do it because I want to do it, not because I have to. Everything about you is important to me now."

You looked at me for a few seconds before your own shame beat you. You were not a troublemaker, angel, but I knew that this new life at my side could bring you problems with people, because many of them disagreed with this marriage. I also knew that whatever was the reason for the discussion between that girl and you, you would never tell me, and you would only take the guilt, although that brought consequences only for you.

"You're never going to tell me, are you? The reason why you fought with your college partner."

You blinked at me with a thoughtful expression on your face.

"Look, I ..." You looked away as if you were thinking how to say what you wanted to say, and your lips frowned in frustration like your thick eyebrows, but in the end you sighed deeply, giving up on a situation that was difficult to change. "I don't do these things on purpose. I don't go around looking for problems, but it's really difficult just pretend not to listen to people mutter. I think it's cowardly of them not to say aloud what they think, especially if they have a wrong opinion about one."

The cold reality hit me hard.

This was due to the accident and the consequences after that. It hurt me to think of how powerless you could feel, of how alone you could feel without your brother, without someone supporting you because you learned to fix your problems on your own. The coldness of the people towards you made me so angry that it surprised me, and I wished that somehow, I could take the blows that life sent to you.

"I'm so sorry, angel," I said, but I was ashamed that that was all I could tell you. I feared you would walk away if I approached you to try to comfort you even if you didn't want to, so I just kept my distance until one day you were the one who took the first step towards me. "I don't know what I can do to make you feel better."

The confusion in your face disappeared a few seconds later when you finished processing my words, and you smiled, softly with that wound on your lip.

"You don't have to do anything, Onew. But I thank you sincerely because you were there when I called you."

I wasn't satisfied with myself, but nod was the only thing I could do. The day didn't end yet but suddenly it seemed really long. The way to repair your heart could be long, angel, or maybe it would be shorter than I thought. It all depended on whether you let me in into your life. But only in the moment you trusted me, I could do something better than nothing for you.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

"Are you going to let me help you at some point?"

"Thanks. I can."

I snorted without bothering to hide my annoyance because of your distance to me, and though your rebelliousness was unnecessary, I had to admit that it was really attractive. I breathed the cold air from the basement parking lot of the building I lived as we walked to the elevator, and I watched that image of you holding the box in your arms and a poker face to hide the discomfort in your ankle. I could see that you had experience in making those faces that hid your most intense emotions, angel, but because you used to hide them inside a cage, I knew that I had to approach slowly.

"I have strong arms..." ​​I said as we pulled up in front of the elevator, trying to be fun. "Do you want to see them, angel?"

My silly joke made your patience turn into a calm wave, angel, and your laughter made me miss that sound.

"Okay."

It was easy to make you give up the little things, and you extended the box for me to take it.

"That wasn't so hard. Right?" I placed the box under my left arm. "Now... can you let me help you with the other situation?"

Right there, you understood that I knew it but you decided not to show me your surprise.

"I'm fine."

Suddenly, our closeness was too much for you and you tried to take a step back, where your ankle gave in under the pain, but before you stumbled, I surrounded you with my free arm and took you closer to me than I expected. How close to you would you let me be, angel? I was as close to the contact with your lips as I wanted to be a thousand times, and if I just leaned a bit during this short-lived state of surprise... but the sound of the elevator brought you back to reality and you separated from me.

In a blink, Luna stepped out of the elevator and her arms tightened around me as the girls followed her out of the small place.

"Oppa, where were you? The boys said you didn't answer the phone. Are you okay?"

Luna was my closest friend in the company, but she didn't give me time to breathe again.

"Luna..." Victoria scolded her because I was not alone. "It's a pleasure to meet you finally, Juliette! Onew talks a lot about you."

Luna parted as she held the same confused expression as you, angel, but you still bowed in courtesy.

"It's nice to meet you too."

The girls bowed too, because they loved our love story.

"Nice to meet you, Unnie." Krystal said in English. "I'm from San Francisco. And you?"

Her calm personality made you smile.

"Manhattan."

"Unnie..." Sully said. "Onew Oppa talks a lot about you. I'm glad you're finally together."

"I'm glad too." I giggled calling the elevator. "Sorry, girls, but my little angel must be exhausted, so I'd like her to rest. But she will go with us to rehearsal. Take care, girls."

We entered the elevator, and was pleased to see that the girls were being polite, smiling and waving their hands in farewell until the silver doors closed in front of us, showing our blurred reflection.

"They look nice too."

I blinked at you, a little confused by Luna's silence.

"Yes. They are."

The elevator beeped on our floor and the doors opened. Being in unfamiliar territory, you waited for me to lead the way from the hallway to my dorm, walking in silence to the end of this floor toward the white door with a small board with numbers for the access code.

"8802." I said, but I only made you look at me with confusion. "The code: 8802."

"Ah..." You turned to the screen, but you stopped before pressing the first button. "Is it right for you to tell me?"

Your question confused me completely.

"Of course. Now you live here, don't you?" I looked at you with a funny expression. "Unless you want me to pick you up every day to come home together... as a real couple."

It didn't seem to be a tantalizing idea for you, and you pressed the numbers on the screen to activate the access where a green light shone. I opened the door for you and you took the first step into your new home, angel, squeezing the sleeves of your sweater in anticipation. I closed the door and we walked down the hall, but it was me who was nervous to see how excited my members were to see you. And this time, your smile was more sincere.

You were all beating me at my own game.

"Guys, she's Juliette."

Key was always the most open to new situations, a little cheeky maybe, and he came up to you to hold you as if you were lifelong friends.

"It's a pleasure to meet you finally, Juliette. You can call me Key or Kibum." You chuckled against his shoulder in surprise, until he finally parted. "I know we'll be good friends."

You blinked at him, noticing his attitude that went beyond the limits of your personal space, but you didn't care.

"I hope so."

Standing next to Minho, Jonghyun raised his hand.

"Does it mean we can all hug her?"

"No!"

Key's voice became one with mine, but Taemin didn't care much and he approached you too.

"Noona, it's nice to meet you." His arms tightened slightly on your shoulders and he pulled away, smiling like a child, though he wasn't as sweet as he thought he was.

But you smiled at him, because the maknae line caught you completely.

"It's a pleasure, Taemin."

"Well... we don't need any more presentations," Minho said, feigning an emotionless expression. "Taemin just won us."

You liked Minho's attitude, and you chuckled making your eyes look adorably full of life.

"With hugs or without them, it's a pleasure to meet you all, guys."

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

I pushed open the glass door of the store for you and the cool air whistled in the night as you descended the steps back to the street, with your pink ponytail bobbing side to side at your pace. I held the bag of groceries and went down the steps to where you waited for me, because you let me guide you in a street that still didn't feel familiar to you. However, it seemed to be me who felt that invisible pain in your ankle every time your foot touched the ground, because I learned to see through your poker face. Every step you took, I could see that you were in pain.

I went down the last step and decided that I would do what it was best for you, even at times like this when you didn't, so I knelt by your side smiling like a fool.

"Do you want a piggyback ride, angel?"

Your gaze took me back to our childhood and to your confused little girl expressions.

"What?" You tilted your head, and then you looked at the place and the loneliness of the street. "Can you get up? Someone could see us."

Your voice sounded anxious, as if the fact of being caught was as bad as you thought it would be.

"If you go up now I will stand."

In the game of being stubborn, I was winning, and I was proud of myself when I saw you walk towards my back. Your arms wrapped around my neck slightly, and the sweet vanilla scent of your perfume caught me completely as I stood with my arms under your knees as I walked back home. At this time, we were two hearts beating for different reasons. You, because of the sudden closeness with a stranger. And I, because I was the one who kept the memories of our love.

"I know why you do this..." You cleared your throat shyly, and that was the reason why you weren't able to hold you closer to me. "And I don't like it at all."

You were like fire and ice, angel: so cold before the unknown, and yet you kept hidden within you a little of that warm that one day you showed me, the same you used now not to fade out.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, angel."

"Yeah, right." You said sarcastically. "You don't have to do this. I can take care of myself."

I knew you had taken care of yourself for a long time. Without Jeremy here, you learned to heal your wounds for yourself, angel, but the greatest ones, those deep in your soul, were still open, hurting you every day.

"I'll take care of you until you prove you can really take care of yourself."

Through your deep breathing that let me hear your frustration, you found the strength to take my words with humor.

"You're not talking to a 10-year-old girl, Onew."

The most ironic part of those words was that you were the 10 years old girl I fell in love with. Of all your years of life, you had to choose that number, as a coincidence, or a proof that indirectly, your memories were present.

"The bad news is you don't weigh like a 10-year-old girl."

"Ugh! Put me down."

"It was just a joke, angel." I chuckled and I settled you on my back when you moved from your place. You lay against my back, and you stayed close to me where I loved having you. Your wonderful being took me completely, in the same way you did it as when we were children. "Why don't you tell me something about yourself?"

"About me?" You asked in surprise.

"Yes. You could tell me about the things you like, or your friends, whatever you want."

I saw you play with the sleeves of your sweater, in a discreet way that another person would never have noticed.

"Well... Jinwoo is my closest friend here. Uh... Sam, and Dani... they are far away now."

I knew your friends were your family too, and being away from them was like torture.

"Maybe they could get a job here. So you might be back together."

I heard you smile through that breath, and you loved to hear that: to hear about being able to be with them again. With a little luck and maybe a few calls, the life you had in Manhattan could come back to you, here in Korea.

"With a little luck perhaps..." You answered. "Even though I just... I'd settle for them taking a break."

Your worries flowed through you easily, towards me, and although you could choose not to tell me anything, you decided to trust me to tell me your deepest thoughts, because you, being who you were, you always cared about your family. Their lives were busy: Samantha was a fashion designer and Danielle was a model, but among the jobs that separated you all, you only cared about them.

"You work as much as they do. When will you take a break?"

You chuckled, as if the rest you needed was not important.

"It's different. I don't just work for myself: I work for all my workers."

It felt like too much responsibility for someone so young, angel, but you found the balance between your responsibilities because you had to, but you proved to yourself that you could do it.

"With everything you've done, you deserve a vacation." I leaned over to let you down when we got to the building. Although I would have liked to have you so close, I knew that you wouldn't want the doorman to see you like this. "You could come with us during our next trip."

With the look on your sweater while you fixed it, you hid a smile that I could feel.

"Sounds good ... but I don't think that's appropriate."

You walked to the entrance where the doorman was holding the door open for us, and I crossed the entrance bowing in gratitude before following you to the elevators.

"Why not?"

You shrugged as the elevator doors opened. When we entered, you kept your eyes on the numbers on the board.

"I'll tell you the reason when I can find one."

This time, it was me who laughed sarcastically just to make you laugh.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

Sitting on the wooden floor of the living room, I felt good to notice how well you seemed to be with my members: you knew how to laugh at their jokes and respond ingeniously so as not to be left behind, you let them see how natural you could be and who you really were, even if you didn't tell them all about yourself. In the same way, they were delighted with you while they realized that even if you changed, part of you was still the same, just as I told them that you were. The way you smiled at them it was something beautiful to see.

"Of course I know how to cook!" You defended yourself when Jonghyun was surprised just like the others. They were not underestimating you, they just didn't understand how you had time to do other things that weren't work and college. "Don't be surprised by this: but I also know how to use a washing machine."

You made fun of them, and they laughed.

"And what about video games?" Minho asked, leaning slightly sitting on the floor, as a detective in an interrogation. "You play videogames?"

You thought about it for a few seconds.

"I used to play Crash Team Racing, Metal Slug. You know... video games for Play 1. After that..." You laughed with shame. "I'm completely lost."

Minho nodded seriously.

"We'll check your skills tomorrow then."

Beside him, Taemin laughed.

"I'll have the console ready tonight."

You were enjoying the conversation, and even a subject as simple as video games seemed to elevate your good mood. The night passed normally and although many things happened today, you looked fresh and relaxed in the new environment that would be your new home, angel. It felt unreal to have you by my side, so close to me, a few inches away that I could close if I approached a little. Although I tried to pay attention to the TV, I couldn't avoid catching every little movement you did: the way you pushed your hair behind your ear, as the corner of your lip curved into a smile, as your presence that was the proof that you were here. You had to become another person to survive, angel, but when the walls around you finally fell, I was sure that I would find the real Juliette.

"Well, well, we should go to sleep." Key rose from the sofa and stretched his arms over his head when it was late at night.

"Hyung, i still want to spend time with noona." Taemin said, looking up from his spot on the floor.

"We still have time, Minnie." Key responded like a mother. "Juliette must be tired. She needs to sleep too."

"Why don't you invite her to sleep in your room, Minnie?" Minho laughed, just to make fun of me and Jonghyun because he would have to leave his room.

"Nobody is goin to sleep with anyone." I shook my head as I stood up and stretched my hand out to you. If someone slept with you in the same room, it would be over my dead body. "Not while I live. Come on, angel, I'll show you our- I mean, the room."

Your hand closed around mine and I helped you to stand up.

"Get some rest, Juliette." Minho smiled. "I promise it will be fun to be here."

When you smiled at him, I knew that Minho would be the first to approach you.

"Sleep well." Jonghyun said.

"Good night, noona." Taemin smiled.

"I'm glad you're here." Key said, to officially end this first day. "It's nice to have a girl in the dorm. Have a good night, and welcome to the family."

You tried to see beyond your own confession, angel, perhaps wondering why they seemed so happy with a marriage that was forced.

"Thank you all." You smiled kindly. "Goodnight, everyone."

We walked together outside the living room and into the hallway towards my room that would now be yours. I reached the door and opened it for you, and I hoped that as the days passed, you could feel it as your own space: comfortable and warm so that you could do your thing by day and sleep at night. You entered the place carefully, noting that your things were already here, just like your box of books. The moonlight entered through the window on the left of the place, giving light to the flowerpot that was yours, on my brown desk.

Finally, your gaze stopped beside it where there was a pile of stuffed animals.

"Come here." My hand closed around your wrist over your sweater, gently so as not to be invasive, and you let yourself be guided to them.

"They are all adorable." You said smiling.

I knew how much you liked stuffed animals, and you took a rabbit with big ears in your hands.

"They have much meaning. And they are all special."

You caressed the rabbit's ears and smiled before putting it in its place.

"That's nice. Really, I can see you treasure this." You took a different one: a siberian dog leaning on his stretched legs like Levy, your stuffed dog.

"Each gift always came with words of love and encouragement, so I really appreciate them."

You caressed the back of the stuffed animal.

"I guess your favorite is the chicken leg."

I laughed at joy because I could carry that leg everywhere with me.

"Am I that obvious?" I took it in my arms and pressed him to my chest. "You can have that if you want, that way Levy will have a friend."

"Thank you, Onew." You stood up, and I knew it was time to go.

"Well..." I stood up wanting to stay with you a little longer, just a few minutes I didn't have. "Tomorrow start new day in your new home." Unable to avoid it or before my brain shouted at me that I shouldn't do it, I closed the short distance between us and pressed my lips gently against your forehead. "Good night, angel."

And then, without saying anything else, I walked out of the room and closed the door behind me. I'm sorry if I confused you, angel, but I didn't regret what I did, and took a deep breath before walking back into the room. The heat on my face could set my soul in flames, enough to keep me awake all night. When I got to the living room I found the boys cleaning up the place: picking up the candy wrappers, the soda cans and the snacks. One of them had already brought a blanket, a pillow and my pajama to the couch for me.

"We didn't embarrass you. Did we?" Minho asked.

I sighed in false defeat and fell on the couch.

"I think you are winning. You all get along with her better than I do."

"Don't say that, hyung." Taemin sat down beside me. "I think it will be easier for noona to be with us because..."

Taemin looked ashamed suddenly, and he looked away. But I understood what he meant. In your eyes, your dad was forcing you to marry me, which only created a huge gap between us and without a bridge in sight. However, while I worked for you to let me get close to you, it was comforting to think you had them.

"Because she is not marrying any of you, Tae." I chuckled at his expression and patted his back. "I told you that you could tell me whatever you want, but I'm glad she has you all."

"But I think Minho is winning us." Key complained. "I think Juliette likes him more."

With false pride, Minho pretended to take the invisible dust off his shoulder.

"It's not my fault to be so great."

Before a fight between Minho and Key began, to which Jonghyun would join at any moment, I clapped once to attract their attention.

"Let's go to sleep, guys, it's late."

Taemin was about to rise, but he looked at me with a confused expression.

"Are you sure you don't want to sleep with us, hyung?"

Although I felt grateful, I didn't want to invade anyone's room, so I preferred to be in the living room where I could still have my own place.

"Thank you, Taemin, but I'll be fine here." I smiled in appreciation and looked at my members. "You better go to bed now."

"All right." They said in unison.

On their way out of the room, everyone wished me good night. Once alone, I changed into loose trousers and a black T-shirt. Beyond the noise of the street, nothing was heard in the dorm, only a comfortable silence inside our little home. I walked to the bathroom and went through the door that separated us, but I just washed before going to sleep. My body felt heavy after the long day of work, but at the same time I felt so relaxed with your presence near me, angel, because you were always my reason to work so hard.

Back in the living room, I turned off the lights and wrapped myself in the blanket that covered my whole body, lying on the sofa that took all the weight of my tiredness. I wanted to believe that your memories of me were hidden deep in your eyes, waiting in the dark for a door, for a window or a small crack so they could come out into the light. 

From time to time I checked my phone and the brightness blinded my eyes for a moment, but the hours passed until it was almost 1:30 at night. I stood up and walked to the kitchen to follow my mother's advice again and drink some milk to sleep. The amber light from the kitchen glowed over me as I sat on the wooden chair with the full glass in front of me.

But It was a big surprise that you showed up a few minutes later, stopping at the door because you didn't expect me to be here like I didn't expect to see you.

"You can't sleep either?" I smiled slightly. "You can sit if you want to, angel."

You considered if you had to, but in the end you walked in silence towards the chair in front of me and you sat on it. You looked around as if you were seeing the place for the first time, inside this little moment when neither of us could sleep.

I pushed the glass at you, sharing Mom's advice.

"I still remember the first time I moved." I said as you took the glass and drank a little, wiping the rest of your lip with your tongue. "I was very nervous and scared. I didn't want to leave my home or my parents. The first night I couldn't sleep... neither the night after that. But when I began to share my fears with my members, I realized I wasn't the only one who kept those insecurities. What is new is always something that intimidates us, but when you have someone who supports you, you know that it isn't something hard to beat. I hope you can see me as that person, angel. And we can do this until you feel this place as your home. Until you feel part of the SHINee family."

Your confused eyes never left mine, but you nodded as you pushed the glass of milk back toward me.

All I wanted was for you to feel comfortable with us, angel, that you could find your place among us. Like our song, you were the center of my whole world. Now that I had you so close to me, I realized that I didn't want to stop trying to be together again, I couldn't stop myself either. I wanted to be with you as long as life allowed me to breathe. Life brought you to me as a miracle, angel, a beautiful miracle that took shape in your smile, in your laughter and in the way your eyes looked so alive when you looked at me with curiosity. When the clock hands pointed to 2:10 in the morning, you smiled once more time, you said goodbye wishing me a good night, and then you walked out of the kitchen.

Sleep well, my little angel; I will be here to protect you while you dream.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

Hi. Hope you like this chapter! Thank you ^-^