Song #2

"Hello, the times you spent by my side

Can no more compare to any other happiness

I can’t express myself to you

If you hold my hand, I’ll never let you go." – Hello. 

I knew you before life broke your heart, before you decided to change and harden your personality, before you changed the things you kept inside you, but even so, seeing your eyes again in this moment, I really wanted to know the new things that were born within you, your likes and dislikes, the things you loved most and the things you didn't, your strengths and weaknesses, your thoughts, even if they were the most terrible thoughts you could think of.

"Hey... what are you doing here?" You asked calmly through the surprise you might have been feeling right now. In your mind, you were probably getting your own conclusions as to why I was here tonight. "And my dad? I thought he was going to pick me up."

"He's waiting for us somewhere else, so I came for you." I smiled through my own nerves.

At this point in my life, I could not have been happier to see you again.

"Really?" You complained with that slightly frowned frown, like a little girl who didn't get what she wanted.

"Why?" I complained too. To get to you I had to dodge your most negative responses. My special sense of humor as you called it once would be what I would use to approach to you. "Is not that cute?"

"No." You said taking a step back to whoever had been your trusted person all this time.

I looked over at Jinwoo and he nodded once at me, like a greeting after years.

"I think we should leave." I said, but my good intentions only made you get closer to him for protection.

I met Jinwoo a few years ago, and I discovered that behind his sincere love for you, there was a deeper feeling but just as sincere. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't try anything with you, but unfortunately, that didn't make me feel better.

"I can take her." He said, and although I knew he did it to take the pressure out from you, I could not help frowning in confusion.

"It's okay." You said calmly as you looked at him. After that your eyes met mine. "Let's go."

"I'll call you later." His hand closed around your wrist, and I could see that the contact with his warmth was comforting to you.

He and I never came to a good agreement because of the unnecessary test we were putting you through. With no expression on his face as he looked at me, he re-entered the library.

"So..." You said awkwardly. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere if you don't walk, angel." I giggled, pushing myself aside to let you walk first. "Should we go now?"

"Yes." Your voice was soft, calm, as if you were talking to yourself. "Yes. We should."

Finally your boots made a slight sound in the concrete floor as you walked towards me. You held the strap of your brown backpack over your shoulder and got down the two steps to walk next to me. I would have liked you to be able to tell me what you thought at the time were, even if they weren't the words I wanted to hear. I knew that you were scared and confused, and I decided to give you the time that was necessary so that it would be you who began to speak if that was what you wanted to do. I didn't mean to look at you any more than a normal person would, but the ribbon tied to your half ponytail was like a magnet, or like a little time machine that took me back to the past. Almost half of your hair was dyed pink, and it contrasted with your nails painted black.

I wished you could tell me what it was going on your mind. I could have listened to you for hours, for days, or for the rest of the life we would live together if you would give me the opportunity. I would like to be able to tell you the new things I learned during these years, to tell you that you have made me a person who loves poetry because you have always loved to read, that was the reason why I used to search the pages of books for the perfect words that rhyme with you. Fire, a tempest, but never selfishness. I think I was the selfish one because everything i am is because of you. Because you grew up with me when we were kids, even if that time was short. Because you listened to me. Because you motivated me to continue the dream of being a singer. Because you inspired me to write letters that I never sent you. Because you taught me to be stubborn.

That's why I dared to choose for you and me.

We got to my car that was parked near the big black gates of the main entrance of your university. I approached the passenger door to open it for you, and that's when I heard your voice again.

"Thank you." You said without looking directly at me. Your voice was soft, sweet as a peach, but insecure as well.

I closed the door and walked around the car. Despite the warm night I felt the cold from my own anxiety creep up to my bones, and I entered the car closing the door so that the warmth of the small place remained between us. I drove to the gates that the friendly porter opened for us. He said goodbye and we did it too, to then go out into the street and enter the light traffic of tonight. Across the street were shops with colorful signs, a coffee shop, a candy shop. I imagined you sitting in a quiet cafe, accompanied by a book, enjoying your own silence.

Your gaze never stopped staring out the window as the stars glowed in the sky. Were you tired of waiting for something, even if you didn't know what that something was? It was more than the loss of your brother and the emptiness he left inside you. A space that his presence would never fill, because that little place in your heart had my name everywhere. But you were like a child who had not yet learned to read.

I parked the car on the side of the road when I saw you move your hands in your lap, and leaned back to search for my black jacket in the backseat. I put it on your lap to hide your hands in it, and I took the opportunity to take them in mine. For now, I would just have to wait for the day when I could take your hand just because I wanted to.

And then you could no longer hide your gaze in the brightness of the stars.

Your attention had to be on me, if only for a few seconds.

Innocent and confused, but you had to look into my eyes.

"Do you feel better?" I asked.

You nodded.

The time our hands touched ended too quickly and I pulled away when you left to take your phone. I felt an itch in my palms that were in contact with your skin, and I straightened in my place to start the car again while you answered the call. My English was not perfect but I knew you were talking to your dad, I knew you were not happy because it wasn't him who picked you up at the university, and I waited for your reaction when you knew the reason why we would meet tonight.

Even if you wanted to stay calm, you were not like that. Your emotions made you clear. You were more than flowing water; you were like a strong storm in the middle of the ocean. Strong and powerful, even if you didn't feel that way now, even if those feelings slipped out of your hands and you didn't know what to do with them. That was why you used to get into trouble. Maybe, because you lost control of your own emotions, you decided to live without any emotion at all.

"Are you alright there, angel?"

The word slipped between my lips before I could think about stopping it. I'm sorry if I confused you, but I just couldn't help it.

"Yes... I think so." You answered, but your voice sounded unsecure.

"I mean, if all is okay in your mind. You've been quiet all the way."

"I didn't think we should talk about something."

"Well..." I chuckled. "How will we know each other if we do not talk?"

"But... after all, we are going to get married, right?"

I moved my hands on the steering wheel. There was no emotion in your voice, as if you had only resigned yourself to the idea of ​​marriage.

"You're right. But would it be better to marry someone you knew at least his favorite food?"

When you thought, or pretended to do it because that question that was very obvious, you wrinkled your nose before answering.

"I'll say chicken... although I think it's risky."

I just wanted to ask you the things I already knew about you, I wanted to hear you say what you loved the most: like reading, the rainy days, the way you enjoyed the winter days... how much you loved your family and friends. But in addition, I wanted to discover the things that had changed inside you, to know what your eyes had seen in previous years, the experiences you had lived while we were not together.

"Have you had a boyfriend?" I asked.

My dumbest side emerged when I asked if you had shared your life with someone else, if you decided to give something of your time to someone who was not me.

"No." You answered quietly, as if the question had made you wonder why not. "You?"

"I never had a boyfriend."

Your laughter when you were surprised was the most beautiful of all, because it was spontaneous and natural.

"So?"

I sighed. Technically your answer was not the right one.

"It was a long time ago, when we were kids."

You and I were a couple. Maybe it was something small and even insignificant in other people's eyes, but it was like a new world to me. Holding your hand was all I did. But It was something I wanted to do right now.

"And what happened?"

I exhaled before looking at you for a second. Just a look at you to prove that you were here.

"She moved out. Her name was Joohee and we lived in the same neighborhood, we went together everywhere."

I knew that my answer confused you. Maybe in one way or another, it made you question about me.

"Sorry."

"You don't have to, angel. It's okay."

I stopped myself too late and realized that the word I used so much when we were kids was going to stay alive in me while we were together. I was convinced of what I should do to keep you close to me, to follow the plan so as not to expose myself, that way you wouldn't doubt me, but fighting against that word seemed to be useless. So I decided to play with fire and dare to say it without thinking of the consequences, and I hoped that, instead of questioning why I did it, you would only think that I was doing it to give you some of my love even if you didn't understand and never knew why.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

"It's nice to meet you, too, dear." My mom's voice shook slightly as she let your hand go through the restaurant table. You looked at her with slight confusion, as if you had done something wrong, but she pushed aside any thought you might have with a smile. "Let's sit down. You must be hungry."

Between your dad and me, you took a seat holding a nervous smile while my mom couldn't stop looking at you. You were no longer the girl they met during the few holidays you spent in Korea, and you grew up to become a woman. My parents could not be as happy as I was, but the affection they had for you was sincere as well.

"Well..." Your dad cleared his throat before he spoke, glaring at me before doing so. "I think it would be good to clarify the reasons why we are here tonight."

"The main dish before the appetizer. Excellent..." You laughed gently, sharing a joke that had some sarcasm that only your dad and I could notice.

Your dad chuckled, pinching your cheek. I realized that despite being the businessman he always was, you were the only one you could intimidate him. Being me the only one who knew the real reasons behind his nervousness, your dad straightened up in his chair.

"Before I begin I would like to say again that this union was planned long ago. Since Jinki and my little Juliette was, well... little." Your dad smiled lovingly at you, an expression that seemed to surprise you completely even though you didn't let him see. "Jeongsoo and I have known each other for a long time. I like to believe that we are more than friends, and that is why, because of the brotherhood we have shared for so long, we have trusted, since Juliette was born, that our children should marry someday. It is not a decision that emerged from the moment; it is not something that we take lightly: it was a decision that was born of a true friendship."

Your attention was completely focused on every word your dad said, and even though you might not agree with the reasons for this marriage, you knew how to understand the kind of friendship our parents had when you smiled at my dad. I knew the subject of friendship was important to you, I knew it in the way you supported Jinwoo as he did the same with you.

"We wish you two could find the way to be friends." My dad said, and he looked in your direction. "We know our son. We raise him to be a good man, honest, kind, generous, to be a good person. We not only know what your dad said about you, but also my wife and I are impressed with the work you are doing in the company. You are so young and so responsible, independent. We would really like to see you married to our son. I think you guys are alike, and I'm sure you'll have a happy marriage."

The next hour was easier as the conversation moved away from the marriage issue. Although you were still confused by what was happening, you were not absent and you could be yourself when talking about the things that you liked, things that hadn't changed since you were a girl, about the trips you had to do for your family company, about your friends and your wishes for the future, but you didn't talk about your younger brother or about how you couldn't become a photographer. However, you spoke with pride about your older brother, with a renewed gleam in your eyes while you mentioned that he was a great writer, and that everything he had achieved did it with his own effort. His talent was what spoke for him, not his last name.

"And what are the plans after you graduate, Juliette?" My dad asked. "It must be difficult to study and be the next president of the company."

You thought about it for a few seconds before answering.

"It's sometimes difficult, in some cases when company meetings intersect with my classes, or during exams, but I want to believe that I have managed to make it work, and I must thank the people who have worked with us." You looked at your dad because you used the word us. "We've been thinking about opening a program for first year architecture students, not just for those who already have some experience."

"Really?" Your dad asked, unable to hide the surprise in his voice.

"Really." You said calmly, with all the confidence of who was in charge.

"Ah..." He didn't know what else to say because of the confidence you showed, and showing that he was totally surprised, so he just put a hand on yours kindly and smiled. "She's the boss now."

Although I couldn't say it out loud, I liked the confidence you showed because although this wasn't the future you wanted for yourself, you knew how to make it work, and you were responsible not only for you but for the people who work with you. I was proud of you although I couldn't tell you. My parents couldn't show too much pride without this seeming suspicious, but they were always attentive to your achievements, because like your brother, you got what you had with your own effort, even though they imposed that work on you.

"We know you're busy just like Jinki." Your dad said. "That's why we hire someone who will make it all possible in a month."

The glass of water almost slipped from your hand when you heard that the date of the marriage was closer than you ever thought. You tried not to look very surprised by the news, and cleared your throat before speaking, perhaps so that your voice wouldn't be heard anxious, or tremble.

"A month? Oh, my..." You giggled in surprise, but you tried to be polite. "That's a surprise."

"I know it looks very fast." My mom said sweetly. "But we thought it was not necessary to wait that long. Do you have any doubts about marriage, dear?"

You tried to say something, but your lips closed again as if the question was not appropriate. Or maybe you had too many questions in your head to pick one. Finally and after all night, you looked at me. Even in the most confused expression you could have, it realized of the effect your gaze had on me. In the future, if you asked me to do something for you, I would definitely do it, without questioning anything.

"That's not going to affect your career, is it?" You pulled your gaze away before it became a topic too deep. "I just... I do not want this to interfere with anything."

"You're so kind, darling." My mom smiled. "We will do our best to keep it on track."

After that, you heard what our parents had to say, knew how to smile and answer questions, but those small spaces of time that you had for yourself, your gaze was lost in an empty spot while you tried to answer your own doubts. I wanted to help you but I didn't know how, you wouldn't talk to me in front of other people, you wouldn't share your doubts with me because you didn't know me. Almost at the end of the dinner, your dad released another piece of news that surely wouldn't let you sleep tonight.

"So..." He said. "I have to travel tomorrow to Japan, and since there is no one to take care of you, we think it would be nice if you moved to Jinki's department."

I scratched my hair with sudden shame. This was getting bigger and more serious, and I expected you to have a positive attitude even though the surprises kept piling up in front of you.

"Your members agreed with this?"

Was that your biggest worry? Of all the things you could have asked me, you first thought was about the comfort of my members before yours.

"Of course." I smiled. "They want to meet you."

"My son will take good care of you, honey." My mom smiled, trying to convince you that everything was fine. "He will take good care of you as a good husband."

"I know it's very fast, Juliette," My dad added. "But you will see that coexistence becomes enjoyable. We are happy that your father gave you to our son."

Through all your confusion, you smiled at them kindly, though you seemed to restrain yourself from asking any questions. With so many new things that were happening so fast, I pushed your hand with mine, softly just to attract your attention, just so you knew you were not alone, thinking 'Hey, I'm here for you.' You looked at me trying to find something in me, and you finally smiled at me for the first time after all. It was natural, timid but sincere, the best thing that had happened to me in a long time.

"But look at what time it is." Your dad looked at his wristwatch and he smiled at me, like an accomplice as he took your hand on the table. "It's a bit late and Juliette have to get up early tomorrow. Could you take her home, son? Your parents and I will stay a while longer."

I nodded toward him.

"Yes, of course."

For a second, you smiled with a silent thank you before standing up.

"If you excuse me for a moment..."

As you walked away, the weight of my body fell on the chair and I rubbed my face with my hands. It didn't feel right to make you go through all this that seemed to be so cold and planned, and it might even feel like a punishment, but I hoped the future would improve for us.

"It will get better, son." Mom my back, making me feel like the child who needed her comfort. "If this is meant to work, then it will work. You just have to try. We trust you."

The word trust crossed my ears so fast that for a moment I thought I had heard wrong. I looked at her, thanking her silently because she said we trusted, and I saw, in the smiles of our parents, that they really trusted me. Finally, they trusted my words. From now on, everything that comes would only depend on me.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

I entered a quiet street in a quiet neighborhood where all the houses had nice front gardens. Illuminated only by streetlights, I parked the car in front of a two-story house that had a wooden driveway to the front door. This was not the house you lived in during your childhood vacation, but even though it looked nice, having moved here was an obligation and I didn't know if you considered it your new home. You watched it for a few seconds as if you couldn't recognize it as yours, or as if you didn't want to go in. Your body fell when you exhaled while you took off your seat belt.

"Something happens?"

You took your backpack from the floor of the car and you looked at me.

"All the lights are off." You laughed quickly and without much humor before shaking your head saying no. "Thank you for bringing me."

I looked at the house and you were right, everything was dark. But then I realized that you were afraid of the dark.

"Juliette..." I called your name and you stopped your hand before opening the door. You stopped there, looking at me, waiting. It was not the fear that children have, you didn't think a monster was going to come out of somewhere. But that's what you found when you woke up in the middle of that accident, right? A complete darkness. "Would you give me a bottle of water for the road?"

You blinked at me, at the silly excuse I had just invented, but even so, you nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Do you want to come in?"

I nodded. We got out of the car and you waited for me before walking towards the door. It was not an irrational fear if you thought about it a little. It was more complicated than just stepping into the darkness before turning on the lights. It made you feel lost, it took you back to that tragic moment of your life. You found your keys inside your backpack and you opened the door. The little light that entered, or perhaps my company, led you in and you the light that was against the wall on the right, taking the room in an amber light. I closed the door behind me and watched the house I visited a couple of times: the dining room was behind the living room, the staircase to the second floor was to the left, and finally the kitchen was behind it.

"You can sit." You pointed to the sofas. "I'll bring the water."

You walked into the kitchen and your pink hair moved against you gently, and you disappeared behind the door as I walked to the sofa. I sat there and watched the only family photo your dad had placed on the glass table. Sitting on a green grass that glowed in the sun, you smiled at your twin brother, who rested his head on your legs, both completely ignoring that someone else was taking that picture. I could see you loved him.

"That picture was taken at my grandfather's house." I straightened up in my place quickly and saw you standing at the kitchen door. You chuckled, and you walked into the living room to sit on the couch in front of me with the water bottle in your hands. "At his lake house in California. Two years before that... each of us take a different path."

I heard the indifference in your voice, as if you didn't care that your family split up after the accident. That's why you hid all the light that was in you, angel, to not be hurt again.

"I'm sorry."

You moved your hand in the air as if the subject was not important. You gave me the water, and your sweater showed me for a few seconds, the bracelet I gave you when we were kids. I took the bottle in my hands that was at room temperature, and even before I thought about it, my fingers brushed yours before you took your hand away.

You pushed your hair behind your ear with your left hand looking away for a moment.

"I figured the cold water was not good for your throat."

It made me happy that you thought of me, but my attention was on the silver bracelet you had. You still had it with you, and I wondered if you would tell me the story behind it.

"May I ask who gave you that bracelet?"

Your left wrist had only a watch and the bracelet, and you instinctively touched it above your sweater with your other hand, so you knew what I was talking about. You doubted whether you should tell me or not, and although the story you knew was not real, it was a gift for you. That false story that your grandfather invented was just to give you a reason of why you had that bracelet that you didn't remember having, and you believed it completely, taking it with you everywhere.

"My grandfather gave it to me... when I was a child. I've had it all my life, I think. I've never taken it off."

Although you didn't know it was my gift to you, it made me eternally happy to know that it was always with you.

"I'm sure it's really important to you."

"It is." You answered with confidence. "It's the most important thing I have."

Something mine was the most important thing you had. I was going to smile all the way home, but I had to go before you thought that was weird.

"I'd better go now." I stood up and you did too. "Thank you for the water, angel."

You walked with me to the door and I realized that word seemed to have an effect on you, and for a second you let me see how vulnerable you were as you listened that sweet word. Not because you were weak, because I thought you were the bravest person to continue living without your brother who was your other half, but because you showed yourself as a real person, brave to let me see your insecurity. You stopped at the door, and although you could come in and close it when I was out, you waited at the entrance.

"I'll come for you tomorrow then." I said in the middle of the way to my car.

You looked at me in silence, curious about my simple way of having accepted an arranged marriage.

"Good night, Onew. Drive carefully."

So far, this was going in the right direction, so I got in my car and drove to my dorm.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

"I can not believe you didn't tell us what happened last night." Key complained again, falling on the sofa in our living room. It was the same since this morning, before and after presenting ourselves in a musical program. "Un-believable."

The others laughed tiredly, though they wanted to know too. This afternoon seemed brighter than usual, all thanks to how well this was turning out so far. Although the long road to our new life together was just beginning, the good start we had led me to think that this really was going to work. It made me feel happier than usual, with more energy to meet the schedules we had during this comeback.

"I told you what happened, what else do you want from me?" I asked exaggeratedly, sitting down next to him, raising my arms in the air so that he would see that I had nothing more to hide.

"Details, hyung, I need details to survive."

I smiled.

"The details are just for me."

The boys laughed just like our manager before he left, and they made silly sounds and sang some love songs. Their jokes were nice and made the environment even better around us, so I followed the game all the way back home until now. They were just as excited because they were finally going to meet you after just hearing stories about you and that made me feel anxious. I wanted you all to have a good meeting, to get along well, and that in time you consider them a family.

"I'd better leave before the jokes start over again." Choi Jin, our manager, laughed as he walked to the door. "I hope everything goes well tonight, guys. I hope I can meet Juliette soon."

"You will!" I replied with joy.

He waved his hand in the air and left.

"Now we just have to wait to meet Juliette." Jonghyun leaned back on the L-shaped couch, on his back, sighing tiredly after a long day of work. "Wake me up before she comes. I need to be ready for her."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Why would you have to be ready for her?"

Jonghyun chuckled, still with his eyes closed.

"First impressions are important, hyung."

"Not just you." Key rolled his eyes, and for a second I thought he would agree with me. "We all have to be ready. I want to look good for her."

"I should be ready too." Taemin said to them.

I closed my mouth because there would be no point in arguing with them about it. Minho chuckled and shook his head at me. We enjoyed the momentary silence after a long day, until my phone rang in the pocket of my jacket. I pulled out the phone and looked at the number that I didn't recognize, so I slid my finger across the screen to accept the call and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

The person on the other line waited a few seconds.

"Hi. Uh, it's me... Juliette." You said softly.

I straightened in my place at the sound of your voice, totally confused by a call I never expected. Then I wondered why I didn't ask for your phone number last night.

"Angel..." I answered, but the word sounded a little louder than usual, and that caused everyone to look at me intently. "Are you okay? something happened?"

"Actually, yes. Uhm... are you busy right now?"

"No, I was waiting to pick you up. What happened?"

"Well..." You laughed softly, but you sounded ashamed. "My dad left this morning and I don't have anyone else to call... I had a problem at the university and I need you to come. If you can come of course."

"Yes, of course. Right now I'm on my way."

It sounded like you didn't want to tell me the problem on the phone, and of course I would go, but that didn't stop me from worrying about what might have happened to you. I got up from the couch, walked towards the entrance after telling my members that I would be back, and took my car keys from the table before I left my dorm. The last thing I wanted to imagine was that you had hurt yourself in some way, and I hoped this was not something serious.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

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