Song #15

No matter where you are, you are my best place

I’m probably the only guy good enough to be by your side

As long as you’ll always be by my side, you’re my best place

No other person by your side

Could love you as much as I do – Best Place.

On the way home, silence reigned over us like a thick fog.

I drove in silence as we continued to listen to the radio, an interview that SHINee had two days ago. Even though having you home like this had been your father's idea, I couldn't help but feel like we set you up to come back to me, because it seemed like that's not what you wanted, but something you had to do because you didn't have no choice. It hurt me to think that you'd rather be with Sam or Danni than be home with me now that your dad was in Japan closing some deal while you healed, but even though I wanted you close, his words kept ringing in my head when he said this had to work.

"I'm glad I have good news for you then, son." He hadn't waited for me to respond this morning, and taking a short breath, he continued speaking. "Juliette will be leaving the clinic this afternoon and to her good luck, I had to go on a last minute trip."

At that time, I did not understand his master plan.

"I don't understand–"

“Juliette asked to stay home with me, you know, in the house that she and I share when she moved to Korea, but there are some company issues that I have to take care of in Japan since she can't do it right now, so I won't be able to stay with her at home: fortunately, we have you to take care of her.”

My smile had faded from my face when I finally understood what that meant: it meant that you would come home with me, have dinner with me, sleep with me if you wanted to, but I would respect your decision if it wasn't.

“Do you think it's okay to do that to Juliette, sir? I mean… of course I'm dying to have her back home, but forcing her to be with me… I don't know if it's the right thing to do.”

“Oh, son…” Your dad sighed heavily through the phone. "Believe me I've been thinking about this all day, but I'll ask you one question. Do you love her?"

"More than anything in my life, sir."

“Then we have to do what we can to get her back to you. I'm not saying we force her, but she'll never come back to you if you don't come back to her life first. Do you know what I mean? Juls hasn't stopped thinking about the damage she did to you and it's killing her, but I also know that she wants to see you, she just doesn't know how to approach you first. She misses you, son, I know. I can tell by the way she looks at me every time I mentioned your name, or every time she asked if you went to see her at the hospital after that day when she woke up. Her face lights up, but the memories that keep coming are very painful for her. It will be very difficult to make her understand that everything is fine despite the pain you had, but I know that she wants to be with you. Now the question is: do you want to be with her?"

"Yes, I do, of course I do."

"Then get up from wherever you are and go pick her up from the clinic, she's leaving in 2 hours, okay?"

I my parched lips as my heart sped up.

“Okay, sir. Thank you."

"No, son, thanks to you."

But was this really the right thing to do? I thought deeply if putting you through that was the right thing to do and a part of my conscience screamed no. The point of this plan was to do whatever it took to make you feel back home where you belonged, angel. Because you belonged at home with us, the 4 of us together. Many things passed through my mind, including many memories that we created together and that were the best of my life, but I had to trust that life would allow us to create better ones when you came back to me, when you accepted that my love for you was unconditional. I tried to put myself in your place and see things from your point of view, but I also wanted you to forget about everything bad, I wanted a miracle to happen so that at the end of the day, you would realize that I would still be here despite everything.

"As i was saying..." My voice coming from the radio caught my attention. “During the breaks between our recent comebacks, the boys and I take time off for ourselves like we never have before. They have been learning new things from their side, but personally since I got married I have found that I like being a full time husband: in fact my wife and I used to joke that she would be the one to work and I would keep the house clean for her when she gets back.” I chuckled in the interview, because even though those days had been hard without you, angel, what I said was true: I wanted to be the husband who was there for you at the end of the day. “I like the idea of learning to cook for us, although I must admit that the house gets lonely when she's not around, but I hope now we can take time for ourselves and be happier together.”

When I realized what was coming next, I tried to change the station.

“Maybe we should listen to some songs–” As my hand stopped on the buttons, your hand met mine halfway to stop me, but when you realized how close we were, you pulled your hand away before speaking.

"No, please, I want to hear you all."

Your voice was soft, almost shy, and I couldn't help but blush at what was to come next.

“…She often calls me Mr. Idol when we talk about fame. I love my fans and I thanks for the support they have been giving me, but I am glad that I gave my wife peace of mind on this issue, she knows that I love her and that I want to be with her forever. Our love is a little different from what I feel for the people who have loved SHINee all this time, but I'm glad to see that the fans are starting to love my wife too… but not as much as I love her.”

"To finish this, is there anything you want to say to your wife?"

The question took me by surprise again, because the things I wanted to tell you, I wanted to say them to you in person.

“That I love her with all my heart perhaps? I know we've kept our marriage private all this time, but honestly, I also like to tell the world how much I love my wife. We've known each other since we were kids and I feel like the luckiest man in the world now that she's by my side. I thank you for being with me, angel, always supporting me as an artist and as a person. You make me want to be a better person every day and I know every day we will be even happier."

The radio program ended after saying goodbye, giving way to a music program.

"That was very nice." You said before looking at me for a second that seemed like forever, before turning your gaze forward.

"Thank you, angel."

You were silent for a moment before speaking again.

“I saw you at Music Back this week. Congratulations on winning first place again. Jong did a great job with Tell me what to do.”

I tried to smile.

“Honestly, I wasn't going to perform on music shows, but the boys talked me into it. I haven't felt very energetic since I was sleeping at home alone all this time.” I regretted my words the moment I saw your expression of sadness. "I'm sorry, angel, I didn't mean to make you feel sad, it's just that… I got used to being with you that I don't know how to be without you anymore."

Now, it was your turn to try to smile, but since you couldn't find the words to express what you felt, I realized that this wouldn't be as easy as I thought.

15 minutes later, we got home.

By the time we got home and I opened the door, I was met with the surprise that Gahul seemed to have been waiting for us since I left. He jumped in excitement to see you again, because he didn't seem happy with the idea of being away from you either as he tried to your face now. Your laughter and your words of love for Gahul were natural as you held him in your arms for a moment, taking all of him while he remained in his place, letting you hold him because he too had missed you so much.

With him by your side, you walked from the living room to the dining room, entering the kitchen of salmon-colored walls to stop there for a few seconds to have a glass of water.

"Are you hungry? I can make you something if you want…” I said, ignoring that you seemed to look at the counter, the place where we made love that last day together.

"No thanks, I'm not really that hungry... do you mind if we sleep for a while?"

"You know the way." I said, one hand extended in the direction of the stairs.

We left the kitchen and Gahul followed you all the way to the stairs, going up to reach our room that was to the right, down the hall. When you entered, you observed the place for a moment before getting on the bed, Gahul lying at your feet, as you lay on your pillow that still had the smell of apples from your hair.

“Can you… lie down with me?”

"I was hoping you would ask me." I smiled, and walked over to my side of the bed to lie down on it.

I lay on my left side, one arm under my pillow as we look at each other in silence for a few seconds before you closed your eyes to sleep for a while. I was dying to touch you, but I was afraid that if I got too close to you, you would reject me out of fear or guilt, so I stayed where I was, close to you because that was enough for me. I closed my eyes for a while, and without realizing it, I fell asleep too.

About two hours passed when I woke up to the vibrating of my phone in my pocket. I groaned under my breath and rubbed my eyes before taking the call. It was Kibum.

"Hello?"

“Hyung, hi! Sam told Minho that you were going to pick up Juls from the clinic today. Is she with you? How is she? Have you already talked? Have you reconciled yet? If you already did you know what, I don't want to know more details."

As I took a look at you, I saw that you were still sleeping. With the phone between my ear and my shoulder, I pulled the blanket at our feet to cover you.

"No, Kibum, not yet, but she's fine, she's sleeping here next to me."

"Are you sure nothing has happened yet?"

That was what I wanted the most.

"Not yet."

“Can we go see her, hyung? The boys and I really wanted to see Juliette, you know we limited visits when she was hospitalized because we thought that seeing us would only remind her of you, but now that you're together, can we go to your house. Pleaseeee?”

It was hard for me to say no to him when he begged like that, but I wasn't sure if you wanted to have people home right now. However, a part of me thought that being with your friends would make it easier for the two of us to be together, so I said yes.

“Okay, Kibum, you can come. But please try not to mention anything about the accident or anything related to it. Just come to her and show her that you love her very much."

"With all our hearts, hyung, we'll be there in a couple of hours to cook dinner then."

Right when we hung up, it looked like you were starting to have a nightmare. Your closed eyelids moved slightly, but something seemed to bother you and not let you sleep peacefully. For a moment I didn't know what to do. I felt that waking you up would be too abrupt, so all I did was get closer to you, pulling you to me with my free hand. In your dreams, you accepted it without problem, leaning against my chest as that bad dream dissipated.

"Please come back to me." I whispered against your hair as I stayed awake to protect you.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

An hour ago, when you woke up, you calmly accepted how close I was to you, and when you found out that our friends were coming home, I saw in your eyes how happy you felt with the news. Seeing all our friends was really what you needed to feel better, or at least it seemed like you looked happier with their arrival. You seemed more relaxed, though you spoke little, offered to help Kibum cook, and though he sent you back to the living room, I could see that you felt right at home with their presence around you.

"Why are you smiling, you ert?" Kibum asked, and it was as if he could read my mind.

"What are you taking about?" I tried to act natural as I kept helping him in the kitchen, passing over and over again the place where we made love that morning before your accident. He had no idea, and I wasn't going to tell him, even though I was sure if I told him he was going to kill me.

"Nothing. Help me put these plates on the table so we can have dinner."

I nodded as I walked out of the kitchen with plates in hand, placing them on the dining room table before gathering around it.

"Babies, the food is ready."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I said babies, hyung, it's not time for your jealousy.”

He brushed past me as he put the dinner on the table as we all sat around it. Not knowing if they did it on purpose, everyone sat down so that the only space available to me was a chair next to you, so I sat there and you smiled at me before turning your attention back to the amazing food he made. Everyone took their plates and began to fill them with the different dishes that Kibum had made, making him look proud of his work.

"Congratulations on winning first place in Musica bank, guys." Sam said with a smile on her face. "You still have one more week of promotions left, right?"

"That's right." Minho replied. "After that we can take a break, sleep late and do whatever we want."

The others nodded because, although it was fun to be on stage, it was also very exhausting when everything came together: promotions, fan meetings, concerts, TV and radio programs and so on.

“Have you thought about what you are going to do or are you just going to take a break?” Danny asked.

"I'm going to sleep as long as I want." Kibum said. "I need my beauty sleep back."

The others chuckled.

“I still have to continue promoting as a solo artist.” Said Taemin. “Jonghyun hyung is going to help me write some of the songs for my next album.”

Jong nodded without stopping eating.

"And you, Jinki?" You asked, looking at me shyly, while the others tried not to look so surprised.

"I thought we could take some time to do whatever you want to do, angel."

"That sounds good, doesn't it, Juls?" Sam smiled at you, trying not to let anyone fall into silence. “Isn't it Julian's birthday the other week? Maybe you and Jinki can go together."

"Oh yes, I was about to tell you." You answered, looking at me.

“That sounds good, angel. I would love to go with you.” I smiled.

"I can take care of Gahul so you don't have to worry about him." Jong said. "It seems that Roo misses his adoptive son anyway."

You smiled.

"Thank you, Jong."

Two hours later, at 8 p.m., everyone had gone home. Luckily, some of their company stayed with us and I could see that you weren't so uncomfortable being alone with me anymore, so when I finished putting the dishes on the shelves and went up the stairs to our room, I stopped at the door of our baby's room when I saw you standing in front of his closet: you already had your pajamas on, and you were looking at some pieces of clothing that we had already bought for him. The lamp that drew rabbit shapes was on and it projected the images on the walls, drawing shapes on you.

You were already 14 weeks pregnant and your belly was starting to show every day, but even so, the t-shirt you were wearing was still a little big on you.

"Is the baby sleeping yet?"

You chuckled, placing a hand on your belly.

"It seems so, he has been very calm today."

The doctor had told us that during this time the baby would begin to have slight moments, but we liked to believe that he was already a little person.

"Are you tired? Don't you want to go to sleep yet?"

You nodded as you put the baby clothes back before walking out of the room.

“Yeah, I think we should go to sleep now. You have to get up early tomorrow, don't you?"

"I just need a few more days, angel, then I'll be all yours."

You chuckled as you sat up in bed, though you seemed to like the idea. On the other side of the bed, I lay down in my spot when you did the same, pulling the blanket up to your shoulders, lying on your right side, hugging your pillow. For a moment, you stared at an empty spot in the room before looking back at me.

"Can I ask you a question?" You asked quietly, and my heart clenched when I saw the look on your face. Honestly, I didn't like that you looked so sad all of a sudden.

"Of course, angel."

It seemed like you wanted to ask the question right away, but something made you wait a moment, perhaps debating whether or not you should ask.

“Isn't it hard to have me here… next to you? I mean, the memories keep coming to my mind and I try to be okay with them…” Your voice trailed off little by little, as if you didn't have the strength to keep talking about it. "But it was you who could remember me all this time."

As I used my left arm as a pillow to look back at you, I was glad to find that I was able to smile even through the pain.

“If I can be completely honest with you, angel, I'm dying to hold you, I'm dying to touch you and kiss you and go as far as you let me, but it's enough for me that you're here with me now. When I told you in the afternoon that I no longer know how to live without you, I meant it, angel: I only needed one year with you to forget what it was like to live so many years without you. Somehow, having you back with me, I have forgotten what loneliness feels like, I don't think about those moments anymore because I knew that I could create better moments with you in the present. Please, I ask you to try to forget that you hurt me because you don't: you do the opposite by being here with me. You saved me and I love you for it." You were brave to meet my gaze, but I saw your eyes fill with tears, and my expression changed when I saw what I had done to you. “I'm sorry, angel, please forgive me. I didn't mean to make you cry..."

As you dried a tear, you chuckled.

"It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong." You said, and sighed heavily before continuing to speak. "I hope you know, that I want to be with you, in every possible way, it's just… it's hard."

I got a little closer to you, slowly so as not to scare you.

"I know, angel, and I understand." Gently, I approached my hand to your face and caressed your soft cheek. “I know you're doing the best you can and I appreciate it. For me, this is enough, okay?" You tried to smile as I pulled my hand away. "Let's go to sleep so you can rest."

It looked like you wanted to say something else, but silently, you nodded softly before snuggling into your side and closing your eyes. A moment later, when you were already sleeping, I decided to stay awake a little longer to protect your sleep.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

I hope you liked this chapter! And please check "Angel Eyes" if you want to know about Jinki, Juliette and their baby.

Please give it a try too.
Thank you! ♥ X O X O - V.