Song #17

The sky is beautifully spread
In the ocean, time is in a bottle
I dream of peacefully walking (by my side)
Whatever it is you imagined, I’ll show you everything - View.

The moment I took a step back to the dressing room, I saw you there, stunning as always.

You were absorbed in the screen within the four walls that showed our most recent presentation with Countless, too focused on it to notice my presence. Your profile was adorable, and from where I was standing I could see your belly under your tulle skirt. You were wearing a white button-down sweater that made you look cute, and tall black leather boots that made you look y and dangerous. I approached carefully until I was behind you, not caring that the makeup and wardrobe girls were watching us, and without you realizing it, I s my arms around your body.

There was a small reaction on your part, but you relaxed when you knew it was me.

“I didn't expect to see you here, angel, but it's a nice surprise. Visit for me?”

You chuckled.

“Yes, for you and because Sam asked me to bring her some things she really needed, but let's say I came for you.”

“AHHH! JULIETTE!” The moment Kibum entered the room followed by the members, he dared to push me aside to hug you. He held you in his arms for a moment that seemed eternal to me, only to then place his hands on your belly, speaking lovingly to my baby. "Hi babe! It’s your uncle Kibum, can you hear me?”

“Kibum, hurry up! We all want our turn.” Jong said, and he really seemed to be in a hurry.

Taemin was behind him, laughing. Minho was busy greeting his girlfriend now that they had made it public.

“Hey, get your own baby!” I tried to push Kibum away, playfully, but he clung to you as if his life depended on it.

You thought the scene was funny, but inside I was suffering. The people around him also found it funny.

“Hyung, don’t be selfish.” Tae laughed. “We all want to enjoy this stage.”

You chuckled.

“Take advantage of it because in a week I will say goodbye to this belly.”

“And we will have a baby!” Jong smiled. "The first of many."

But you didn't find it funny how you frowned at him.

In the end everyone had their turn to hug you and place their hands on your belly, they even got to feel the baby's kicks. I had to admit that it bothered me a little that they interrupted my moment with you, but it warmed my heart when I saw their silly faces full of happiness.

After changing my clothes, we left the set on the way to my car. Your hand on mine gave me courage, a lot of warmth, and a great desire to meet our baby. We were already a week away from meeting Jae, his body was already ready and I felt like I was too. I was scared to death, but that wasn't going to stop me from being the best dad he deserved.

“I don't want you to take a taxi alone again, especially not in your condition.” I told you when we got into the car.

In a few seconds, we headed to the doctor's office for one last checkup before the big day.

“It's no big deal, Jinki, I've taken a taxi for a long time. It’s not much different now.”

"It doesn't matter. We can get someone to take you where you need to go if I can't do it, but I don't like you traveling alone a few weeks before giving birth.”

You chuckled.

“Okay, my general.”

I chuckled.

“Yah. I’m trying to be a good husband and take care of you and you make it difficult.”

You smiled trying to hide your laughter, but this situation made you giggle.

“It's not my fault that our pregnancy made you neurotic.”

“I'm not neurotic.” I complained. “I’m just trying to take care of you.”

My comment made you smile.

“I know, and I appreciate it very much, but I don't want you to be worried about me all day when we're not together.” You paused. But it was too late for that. I was anguished every time we were apart. “It's enough with me worrying about whether I'm going to do a good job as a mom.”

I frowned in confusion.

“Are you really afraid that you won't be a good mom?”

You shrugged.

“I try not to do it too much, but I have to admit that it keeps me up at night sometimes. I'm not afraid of being like my mom or anything, but I'm afraid that I won't know how to hold my own child, or that I won't be able to control his crying."

I took a quick look at you before looking forward again. It hurt me a lot that you had those fears with you.

“I didn't know you felt that way, angel, why didn't you talk to me about it?”

“Uh… I think you have enough worries already. Or am I wrong?"

Now that we said it out loud, I was worried just like you, but I felt that my fear was a thousand times worse than yours. Since my accident with that little dog, I was afraid of not being a good owner for Gahul, and now I was worried about being a bad father for my son. The thought that I wasn't ready made me want to cry. But I knew I had to be brave, and that everything would be okay once I met him.

“Yes, but, I don't want you to keep things to yourself that you can share with me, okay? It was you who told me one day that the sad things we think lose weight when we say them out loud.”

"I said that?" You teased, your hands on your belly. “Sometimes I can be so smart that I even surprise myself.”

I started to laugh.

"Do you feel better?" I placed a hand on your bare leg, and I felt that my warmth gave you strength to endure everything that was to come.

"Better. Thank you."

According to the map, we arrived at the doctor's office in 16 minutes. I got out of the car, went to your door and opened it, but your expression was that of someone thoughtful, and if I could read you correctly, someone anxious.

“Are you okay, angel?”

You bit your lips before speaking.

"There's just one week left."

"I know."

“One week, and life as we know it will never be the same again.”

"I know." I smiled, and waited for my courage to come through you. “And I can't wait to see what things are going to change.”

You smiled, your hands still on your belly.

“The baby hasn't stopped moving and it makes everything more real.”

“I bet he knows that we are about to meet him.”

You got out of the car and I closed the door, and when I turned around, you were there, waiting to take my hand to start walking towards the doctor's office. We walked side by side all the way, through the automatic doors, down the hallway to the receptionist's desk. Dr. Jo, Jinwoo's uncle, greeted us as cheerful as ever, ushering us into his office for a final ultrasound.

You got on the stretcher.

“Pull your shirt up and let's see that baby.” Doctor Jo smiled. After applying the gel and sliding the machine's hand over your belly, the doctor found the baby. “There he is. See him move. Jae is very awake today.”

At that moment I couldn't articulate any words, because I was so absorbed in watching my baby move inside you. I thought the idea of seeing him through a monitor was fantastic, knowing that next week I could hold him in my arms. My hand found yours and I held it firmly, and your warmth and love made the experience even more extraordinary. I could see Jae's profile on the machine. As if you both shared the same nose, I could see a lot of him reflected in you, angel.

I didn't realize I shed a tear until I felt you squeeze my hand a little tighter.

“He hit you too with the force of a train, right?”

I couldn't take my eyes off the screen.

"Yeah."

I heard the doctor laugh.

"It is a wonderful experience." You said, but like me, you had your eyes on the screen.

"Yes it is."

As if it were a joke, for a second, I felt like none of this was real. Was I really going to be a father? Was I really going to have a child? Thousands of questions flooded my mind.

“Let's get you cleaned up, Juliette.”

The doctor removed the machine from your belly, but Jae's image remained paused on the monitor. His hand was balled into a fist, and his profile was identical to yours.

When you were ready, the doctor invited us to sit with him at his desk.

“I would like to start by saying that the baby is healthy and ready to enter this world next week, but as a recommendation, I ask that you refrain from having to avoid problems.”

You and I look into each other's eyes and chuckled. We hadn't done it in weeks and that was fine with me, although I had to admit that I missed the warmth of your body against mine. When you laughed shyly, I laughed with you.

"No problem, uncle." You said carefully. “We are being careful with that issue. Don't worry".

"Everything is perfect. We plan for the baby to be born naturally so we hope he has a peaceful birth. But you know that, if you don't delay what you should, we will have to do a cesarean section.”

I saw that you bit your lip before speaking.

"Yes, I know. I just want the best for the baby, but I can't help but worry about it. It's another thing that keeps me up at night sometimes."

My hand found yours and held it against your knee.

“Don't worry, Juls. You are a brave woman: you have endured equally painful things with the accident and your brother. You'll see that's nothing, darling. I know you can handle what is to come.”

You squeeze my hand.

"Thanks uncle."

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

Time seemed to run backwards now.

Now that we were reaching the finish line, time seemed to be running backwards and I could count the days, hours and minutes. As I rolled over in bed, it made me feel helpless watching you struggle to find a comfortable sleeping position after trying to fall asleep for a long time, because at this point in our pregnancy, that seemed impossible for you. You couldn't sleep on your stomach like me anymore, and sleeping on your side was also annoying with the big belly you were now carrying.

I didn't know how to help you, I didn't know if it was possible to do anything to make you feel better.

“Do you need another pillow, angel?”

You shook your head before giving up.

“Sorry, this must be annoying for you.”

I blinked in confusion. I couldn't believe that you felt bad for me.

“I'm sorry I can't do more for you. Is there anything I can help you with to help you sleep better?

Lying on your side, you sighed to let your entire body weight fall onto the bed.

“If my mom could have twins, I think I can handle a baby.”

“Do you think we should have twins too?” I joked, but my words made you frown.

“Are you going to carry them in your belly?”

I laughed with fear.

"No."

“Then think twice, Lee Jinki.”

You straightened your pillow before looking at me under the dim light of the only lamp on.

“Well…” I said, trying to joke again. Although part of that was serious. “I read that people who are twins are more likely to have twins. You know that?"

You pouted as you thought about it for a few seconds.

“Then I have no choice but to close the factory after this baby. I can’t risk going through that.”

"Whyyyy?" I complain. “I want more babies.”

“You'll have to find another wife then.”

“I don't want another wife. I want more babies with you. Also…” I raised my eyebrows to joke with you. “You can't deny that we have had a lot of fun at night, and in the afternoons... and in the mornings whenever we could.”

You laughed.

“It was precisely that fun that got us into this beautiful problem.” You said, caressing your belly with one hand.

I put my hand on your hand for a moment.

“Do you regret it?”

"Never."

I smiled at you.

“I don't regret anything either. In fact, I would do it all over again if I had to.”

You looked at me curiously, your eyes fixed on me.

“Would you really do it? Would you go through that whole ordeal again?”

I looked into your eyes, more determined than ever.

“I would do it all over again just so I could be with you just like now.”

I smiled as you caressed my cheek with one hand.

“Forgive me for not realizing it sooner. I think I was so blinded by the accident and everything that happened afterward that I never stopped to think that we really could have had a life together. I feel like we wasted a lot of time because of me.”

I knew how hard it had been for both of us, but more so for you, the consequences of the accident and the rest, but that did not stop me from loving you as I always did, sincerely and with all my heart.

“It's okay, angel, please don't apologize. You did not do anything wrong. You had the right to distrust me, because, in any case, I was a stranger in your eyes. You had the right to test me and double check that my love for you was sincere, and that I wasn't going to hurt you like life did. I love you, I loved you, and I know I will love you forever for as long as God gives me life.”

My words penetrated deep into my heart, because without realizing it, you were about to cry.

"I love you too."

It was 12 in the morning when we tried to go back to sleep, but it was difficult for you. Moving from side to side, it seemed impossible to find a comfortable position.

It was 1 in the morning when you spoke again.

“Can we watch TV?” you asked with your eyes closed.

I laughed softly.

“You can't even keep your eyes open, angel, I think we should go to sleep.”

You complained.

"It's early. Let’s watch TV.”

I wasn't going to convince you otherwise.

I the TV and scanned the channels for something uninteresting that would bore you to sleep, but when we watched EXO's Beatles Code 2 rerun, you took the controller out of my hands to watch them. I sighed, because if we kept this up, this was going to be a very long night. However, I really liked hearing your laugh with every joke they made, with every comment. The boys were fun to watch, but I was falling back asleep when I heard your voice asking me to help you go to the bathroom. It was 2 in the morning when I got up and went around the bed to help you.

I helped you stand up, but when liquid ran down your leg, I laughed thinking it was anything but that.

“Angel, you really needed to go to the bathroom.”

“It's not that, silly!” You whined, still clinging to my arms because standing was difficult for you. “I think this means the baby is coming.”

My smile disappeared and my expression was replaced with one of surprise.

"Really?"

"Really." You bit your lip, waiting for me to react.

I closed my mouth and opened it a few times, but nothing intelligent came out until after a moment.

"Okay, okay. Don't be afraid, okay? Everything is okay, we will be okay, everything will be okay. Don't be nervous, we can..."

“Are you talking to me or yourself?”

I felt my heart rush against my chest. My thoughts were disordered, and for a moment, I even forgot who I was and where we were.

"With me."

“We'll be fine, Jinki…” you said, and closed your eyes as pain seemingly shot through you. “But I really need to go to the hospital.”

"Sure, sure". I took a second between fear and kissed your cheek.

Two people left the house, but when they returned, there would be three of us.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

““Daddy, I love you, please forgive me for everything.”

Your dad laughed and kissed your forehead.

Lying in the hospital bed and dressed in a robe, you accepted your dad's love when you felt, perhaps, what was the worst pain of your life, angel. The pain seemed to be at its peak and the baby wasn't ready to meet us yet. We had been here for a while, and although you had made progress in dilation, it was not yet time for you to give birth. I was on the other side of the bed, holding your hand when you squeezed mine hard. I didn't know if it was giving birth to our son, but I had to admit that suddenly, you had gained surprising strength. However, I remained silent and accepted everything you gave me: it was the least I could do.

This was a test that you had to face alone, even if I was by your side the entire way.

My heart was racing, and it was as if a wild animal was seeking freedom. Like fireworks in the watercolor sky, I felt something infinite in my stomach.

“I don't think I can do this.” You looked me in the eyes hoping that I would help you in some way, and although it hurt my soul not to be able to do so, I knew that we could no longer back out. We had to be strong and brave, especially you, the person who was going through indescribable pain. "Please…"

“I'm sorry, angel, but you can do it…” I held your hand firmly, looking directly into your eyes. “Think about the baby, about his first cry and the way he will calm down when he hears your voice because Jae will know the second who you are. You are his mother and now you have to help him get into this world. Alright?"

Still with great pain tearing through you, you nodded.

I wiped away the sweat that began to form on your forehead, noticing that it was reaching your hair.

“Breathe, angel. Let me tie your hair.”

For a few days now I was wearing a scrunchie on my wrist without knowing the reason, but at this moment, I was glad to have it with me.

“Breathe, baby.” Your dad said lovingly. "Just breathe."

Your dad being here seemed to give you strength too, and it made me happy to know that he was here to give you a kind of love that I couldn't give you. I realized that your father-daughter relationship had not broken despite everything that had happened between you.

A few minutes later the doctor came in to check you, but a thought had overcome you.

“Can I walk, doctor? “I really need to get up.”

That was the signal to vacate the room, so that only we would stay. The doctor called two nurses, ready to help you bring Jae into this new world. I stood up and stayed by your side, still holding your hand, reminding you to breathe when the doctor said it was time to push.

It was 7:48 in the morning when you started pushing.

I will never know how much it hurt to give birth. I can never know what you went through at that moment, but I saw in your eyes a kind of determination despite the pain that consumed you. You squeezed my hand with every push, exchanging glances with me from time to time as I told you how brave you were being. It took a few minutes, perhaps the longest of your life, but in the end, you did it, you gave birth to our baby despite the fears and pain. You were brave, as you always have been, and in the end, you successfully made it so we met our baby. Lee Jaeyoung was born at 8:24 in the morning, with a cry that only showed me his desire to live. His cry was the most beautiful melody I had ever heard, a kind of music I heard for the first time in my life.

"He's perfect." I whispered when I saw him lying on your chest, covered in blood residue, but the most surprising thing was when Jae stopped crying when he heard your voice calling his name. “You did it, angel. I knew you could do it.”

I kissed you on the lips briefly before Jae was taken away to cover him with a small blanket. When they took him away from you, he cried again, because he knew who the woman was who spoke to him every day, every hour when he was in his mother's womb. The nurses cleaned him, covered him, and after weighing him, placed him back on your chest.

You were crying, and when you saw him, you kissed his forehead while holding him against you. I knew that you loved him with all your heart, and that you had discovered a new type of love, the most beautiful in the world: mother's love. Jae could barely open his eyes, and although the doctor said they couldn't see very far, I knew he could hear us well. I got as close as I could and whispered to him that I was his father, that the man who sang to him every night was me.

It was I who loved him, it was I who waited for him with all the love in the world.

“Do you want to hold it, Jinki?” You asked, and I knew by the way you looked, that you could see through my fears.

I was afraid, yes, but that didn't stop me from loving my son madly.

"Yeah."

You helped me hold him correctly, placing him on my arm to support his small head, using the other arm to support his small body. It was wonderful, the kind of love I discovered when he looked into my eyes, so at peace now that he had met his parents. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the heat on my cheeks, but that was just proof that everything I was going through was real, that everything I had gone through had been worth it, totally.

“Hello, baby, I'm your dad. Could you hear me singing for you?”

I realized that during the time we were apart, angel, I lived in fear of not having you by my side again, and I had to admit that this felt so perfect that it didn't seem real. As if it were an illusion, but all those fears vanished when Jae took my finger in his hands and pressed it.

At that moment I was filled with dreams, with desires, with dying to share the whole world with him.

The doctor congratulated us and let everyone in, your dad, my parents, your best friends and the members of my group. They all gathered around, admiring the beauty that was Lee Jaeyoung. They sighed for him, they were dying to hold him, to feel him against their chests and feel his warmth. Everyone congratulated us. Kibum and Minho even kissed you on the forehead, telling you what a good job you had done.

And me? I was the happiest man in the world for being able to live this moment. I thanked God for allowing me to live this life by your side. While they took turns carrying it, I sat next to you and kissed you on the lips again to let you rest for a moment. Part of your body had been torn apart, and yet, you were the happiest woman in the world.

“It all seems like a dream, right?”

I held your hand.

“If this is a dream, I never want to wake up, angel.”

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

Hello! It's been a while but here I leave you a new chapter of this story that is almost over :c thanks to the people who read this story, I will always be grateful. I hope you like it. (Sorry for some grammatical errors, I will try to fix them) XOXO - V.