Song #4

I can't handle the love memories and feelings alone

I can't start this; I can only miss you secretly in my heart

My heart only left your body fragrance

That I missed and always loved – The name I loved.

"Hyung, answer the phone!"

The fists against the door made me open my eyes, while Key's voice pierced my ears even when he let me sleep in his room. The hours of sleep made me lose track of time, and I didn't know if it was still night or it was beginning to dawn. On the nightstand, my phone continued to ring, forcing me to roll over my right side to reach it. Sam's name on the screen made my senses come back to me, and the hour on top brought me back to the complete reality so I slid my finger over the screen to respond and I placed the phone against my ear.

We almost had it, angel, after a week together, she was a few days from being near you again.

"Hi, Sam."

"Onew... did I wake you up?"

I laughed lightly sitting on the bed, but even she realized.

"It's okay, don't worry. I sent the last papers to your email. Here at the agency everything is ready, so you just need to get to Korea."

"I know. I read them and..." She paused, but I heard the joy in her voice. "You don't know how much I appreciate what you're doing. Being close to Juliette will be possible thanks to you."

The anticipation for your happiness filled me completely, angel. I just wanted to see you happy, and I knew this was what you wanted most. However the success of your best friend was what ended up securing the close reunion between the two of you: it was due to Sam that this would come true too.

"I know this is what Juliette wants most, Sam, and I just want her to be happy."

"I know." She said thoughtfully. "I'm sorry what happened to you two, Onew, about the accident and the consequences after that... your story shouldn't have been like that."

She really was sorry. It was her soft way of speaking and in her words that reflected the same feeling of impotence that I felt for a long time, in addition to the frustration of not being able to change the events of our history.

"I wondered for a long time why this happened to us but I never understood, but I want to believe that things happened for a reason. But she's here now... and that's all I need."

"Awww." She laughed making me laugh too. "I know there is no trust between us, Onew, but... all that is just adorable. Your love for my sister melts me completely."

The love that existed between you both captivated me completely, and listening to her words made me aware of the strong bond that existed between you two.

"It's okay. In a month you will be my sister-in-law."

"I know! Wait for me to arrive: Uncle John gave me all the means to plan the wedding and I have a clear idea of ​​what Juliette and you deserve."

"That's sweet, Sam, but you know Juliette doesn't like extravagant things. Besides... Juliette doesn't... she doesn't feel anything for me yet-"

"Yet." She interrupted me, speaking in a firm tone. "Don't let that make you sad, Onew. You are a good person so we must believe that this is going to work. She is a bit reserved but if Juliette knows your feelings are sincere she will let you in... but of course you already know that. I'm sorry. I know you know her as well as I do."

Though the weariness covered me like a shadow, the positive words were always comforting.

"Thanks, Sam. I know this will work."

"It will. I'm sure... Juliette is at work?"

"She's in the living room with the boys. They are preparing for a video game competition."

Sam grunted slightly.

"Don't let Juliette be interested in play 1 if you have it in your dorm. No one in her family could beat her in that racing game with a name I don't remember."

To hear her say that increased the odds of a victory.

"Was she good?"

"She was the best." She chuckled. "I must leave you, Onew. I am in my last days of work so they have increased until I officially leave."

"Keep working then. Have a good night."

"You too." She said, and hung up.

In the seven days you were with us, angel, talking to the right people in the company assured Sam a job close to you. I just hoped you wouldn't believe that I was doing this with ulterior motives because my only purpose was that part of the life you had in Manhattan be the same here again.

I got out of bed putting the phone in my pocket and walked out of the room, where the noise of laughter filled my ears as I walked into the living room until I stopped against the back wall. The boys gathered around to witness what they called the duel of the week that had already begun, because if Minho lost or won, he would soon be asking for a rematch or crowning himself as the winner. Either way it was very extremist. Sitting on the wooden floor, you pushed your black-rimmed glasses over the bridge of your little nose, watching the television screen with the control in your hands, but that gesture was too much for my emotions.

Stop looking at her. Jong's annoying voice echoed in my head making fun of me for looking at you a lot, but I couldn't stop myself, and the truth was that I didn't want to either.

"And we're betting something? I still don't know which side I am on." Jong said from the couch, rubbing his fingers against his chin. "We don't know Juliette's abilities but she is doing well, but Minho is very good at video games."

Key snorted at his side.

"Let's not forget that Taemin beat him once."

Leaning back on the L-shaped couch, Taemin chuckled.

"You're going to remind me forever, aren't you?" Minho asked, his words harsh as he continued to stare at the screen. "If I win, Juliette will make me a chocolate cake."

The anticipation for a cake made Jong's mood brighten.

"For all of us?"

"No."

"I'm on Juliette's side then."

"What if Juliette wins?" I asked, and my voice surprised everyone, even you.

"I'll tie my hair in a bun on the top of my head."

Key's laughter rose more than usual.

Your tiger-shaped avatar toured first the field that appeared to be a Go Kart circuit, guiding the way for the other avatars while the polar bear from Minho followed you closely. The emotion covered everyone when your avatar crossed the starting line for the last time and a suspense music was heard on the final lap. Although the others were not playing, the boys began to shout instructions, almost getting off the couch. My own heart was racing and I watched the screen holding my breath. The tiger and polar bear were first in line, surpassing each other near the finish line.

But among those missiles and bombs with skulls, the music of victory covered the room and the emotion covered them all but one.

Sam was right.

The tiger won.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

"Minho, what happened to your head?!"

Leeteuk hyung went through the door of the dance room, laughing at the sight of Minho who was putting his things on his backpack in front of the large mirror next to Taemin. Sitting beside me on the wooden floor, Key laughed with him, catching Jong in the mockery we finally left behind since this afternoon. Surprisingly Minho endured the jokes of the others, but when the mockery started again, he tried to remove the garter that tied his hair.

"No!" Key yelled at him, lifting a finger so Minho could stop. "You lost. Accept it."

Minho grunted, turning his attention to the things in his backpack.

"Minho lost a video game bet against Juliette, hyung." Jong said. "Now he must pay."

Leeteuk hyung laughed in surprise.

"It's a joke? Amazing! Juliette must be very good if she beat Minho."

"Taemin beat him once." Key sneered, gaining a menacing look from Minho through the mirror. "But Juliette did very well too."

"You seem to be getting along with Juliette." Leeteuk smirked at me. "And what about you, Jinki? How about living with your fiancee?"

Like a fool because of the surprise, I opened my mouth a couple of times not knowing what to say.

"It's good. I'm happy to have Juliette with me."

"I'm sure so." He said, waggling his eyebrows.

I had already heard the double entender jokes of those who believed that you and I really had a normal relationship, angel, and I took them normally. I even laughed a few times to pretend, but they always took me off guard.

For their part, the boys laughed at my awkwardness as we stood up.

"Hyung!" Key complained. "Don't say those things."

Leeteuk hyung laughed raising his hands as we walked toward the exit. I held the leash off my backpack as we went out, while hyung stopped to walk beside me at the end of the line.

"Okay, okay. I just went on to congratulate Jinki because it has already made news that his fiance and he are finally together. Marriage is a big step and you know I'm happy for you..." He smiled at me, patting my shoulder affectionately as we walked down the aisles to the elevator at the back of the building. "From now I wish you all the happiness of the world. You deserve it. And I hope you bring Juliette to tell her personally."

Despite the jokes, Leeteuk hyung and the others were the best people. Part of our history that was real, few people like him knew it well because since I was just an trainee his advices helped me to continue, in all aspects of my life.

"Thank you, hyung."

Leading the way, Minho didn't have time to press the elevator button when the elevator door opened in front of us, showing its blue walls and 3 EXO members.

"Hyung!" Baekhyun said cheerfully and walked out of the elevator, and just when I thought it wasn't me he was talking to, I noticed that his gaze never left mine. "Onew hyung, why didn't Juliette come to see us yet?"

Beside him, Chanyeol nodded sadly as Suho chuckled at his behavior.

"Wow." Key said. "Juliette comes into our lives and now we are popular."

"Don't pretend you don't like it." Jonghyun laughed and looked at the others. "Yah! Juliette belongs to our family now, kids."

Working as a photographer secretly was something that didn't surprise me at all, but that you were friends with EXO was something that did. Their desire to see you made me realize the appreciation they had for you, and their voices that asked for you made me endearing because on your own, you won the affection and appreciation of the people close to me.

"She'll come, guys, don't worry." I said as Taemin called the elevator. "Just... don't try to steal her from me, okay?"

As the elevator door opened, the boys stepped aside laughing as we walked in, leaving Leeteuk hyung with them. They bowed in farewell as the metal door interposed between us, and the small bucket descended to the first floor quickly. The cool night air came in as the door opened, only to be greeted by the guards who guarded the door day and night. The van was already here, and we walked down the stairs to it while our manager slipped open the door for us. One by one, the guys got into the van leaving one of the individual seats for me. I sat on the seat and our manager closed the door to surround the car, and seconds later he drove away from the building.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

"Are you saying you've googled me, angel?"

I was about to release the hose from the gas pump at the gas station, and you, leaning against the door of the car with my black sweatshirt protecting you from the cold while the late night fell on us, you found the calm to look at me through your own laughter, not knowing that looking at me made me feel too much too. I really loved your laughter and the way your eyes smiled too, the way a dimple appeared on your cheek when you smiled sideways, and the way your lip curled up into a shy smile. Although your past didn't let you remember, that word that meant the world to me began to like you.

"I'm going to buy something from the store." You said fixing my sweatshirt against your body, my bracelet falling against your left wrist before walking toward the store behind us. "Do you want something?"

"I want you to tell me if you have googled me." My insistence made you laugh, but you ignored my comment and waited. "Okay. I want a bottle of water, please. "

I saw you walk away, leaving me here with a feeling that tickled my stomach. My desires to know grew because of the secret you hid behind your smile, and although my insistence was no greater than your stubbornness, I would not give up. You came back  few minutes later when the car was ready to leave, extending your hand with the bottle of water to me, and in the other, an oreo ice cream sandwich that you held against your mouth.

"Thank you, angel..." I took the bottle but for a second that was eternal, I saw in your eyes the girl that you were once. "Is not too late for you to eat ice cream? You could get sick."

You chuckled walking around the car to get inside.

"I'll be fine, dad."

I got into the car as well and put the bottle down beside the seat. The image of your innocence was tempting, and all I wanted at this moment was to be able to lean toward you to taste the ice cream on your lips.

"I want ice cream too." I said, understanding that I actually said it out loud.

To my surprise, you extended your arm to me, a few inches from my face.

"Just a little. I don't think it's good for your throat."

Your concern for me filled my heart completely, and I couldn't resist touching you a little. My fingers closed around your wrist gently, feeling my bracelet below the sleeve of my sweatshirt, and I drew the ice cream towards me. The indirect contact made you hold your breath, following my actions with your eyes until I let your wrist go. You looked away when it was all over, clearing your throat and then putting on your seat belt. I did the same on my side and drove the car back home. We passed through the streets of Seoul in a complete silence, going through some places that I hadn't yet had the time to take you. However, we went through places we did visit during our childhood, and while we did it, I wished you could remember, to see again our memories, because even though you were young, you understood well how the traditions and customs of this country worked.

"Do you want to listen to music, angel?"

You moved in your seat, suddenly attentive to the sound of my voice.

"You should sing."

Like a reflex, I squeezed the steering wheel for a second. I wanted to believe that my voice was one of the few qualities I had, but your request to listen to me made me feel like the richest person in this world.

"Do you want me to sing?"

"Yeah... Why not? I like it when you sing."

The natural way the words left your lips surprised me completely, but then something clicked into my head, surprising me even more.

"Is that what you searched for on google? Did you look for me singing?"

But you just laughed.

"Forget it because I'm not going to tell you."

My expression dropped completely.

"You are very bad with your future husband, angel." It was not my intention to make you feel as I thought you felt, because your expression changed completely. Something was lost in front of your eyes, something suddenly disappeared without you being able to hide it. My worst fear was that you hate me as much as you hated the idea of ​​marriage, but it was a consequence that I had to accept since this began. "You really hate the idea of ​​marriage, don't you?"

The circumstances that led us to this moment were unfair to us, two people who were paying the price for something that I didn't know what it was.

"My problem with this marriage is not about you. I don't hate you... I don't really believe in that feeling. It's just... it bothers me not to have had control of my own life all this time, especially in a decision like this. Doesn't it bother you that your parents have decided for you?"

I could 't explain why it didn't bother me, and I wasn't smart enough to create a convincing story of why it didn't, so I just shrugged, and although what I was about to say would take me too far to expose my love for you, there were certain limits that I dared to cross only so that my feelings would live outside of me before they died inside.

"I want to believe that the right time for us will come, angel, and then in that moment, we will be able to love each other sincerely."

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

I closed the door of the dorm and I walked in the dark, silent place at 11 o'clock in the night through the hallway to the amber light that shone from the kitchen. However when I entered, I noticed the chocolate cake in the middle of the table that was missing several pieces, while the boys ate in a complete silence sitting around the table.

"Hyung!" Minho said cheerfully, stopping the full spoon of cake near his mouth. "Look what Juliette did for me. She made me a cake even though she won the bet. Juliette is really cool."

"And this cake is very good." Jonghyun said, trying not to open his mouth that was full of it. "I think I'm in love."

My frown deepened quickly.

"Yah!"

"With the cake, hyung!" He grunted as he chewed.

Taemin and Key were too immersed in the taste of the chocolate to speak, and for a second they all seemed to be in a happy place under the spell of the taste. I sat in the empty seat next to Minho, noticing with pride the kind of person you always were, angel: a person so simple as to make a cake to Minho even though he didn't win.

"Why did she make a cake if Minho didn't win?" I asked.

"Noona said Minho was kind to her when she won." Taemin said. "He congratulated her, so Minho hyung deserved his cake anyway."

"Do you think Juliette will make me such a cake for my birthday?" Jong asked.

I chuckled.

"I think she'll make you two if you ask her."

"Yes!" He said, raising a fist of victory. "You're lucky to have her, hyung."

His casual comment had a deep feeling for the tone of his voice, and I felt myself smiling in appreciation, plus a small action like this caught the guys completely even without trying.

"Wait..." I said, that happiness disappearing momentarily. "Is Juliette here?"

Key nodded, too busy to look at me.

"She was here when we arrived."

I got up from the seat without them noticing and walked out of the kitchen, down the dark hallway to my room that was now yours, only to confirm that for the first time, unlike the previous nights, you were home before 12. But the door was half open and the night light came in through the window from the left side of the room, shining on your profile. I entered in silence and I approached you, and between the darkness, the shadows and the light of the night and the light of your laptop on my desk, I saw you sleeping with your arms folded under you.

"Angel?" I whispered, kneeling beside you. The responsibilities between the company and the university continued to accumulate on you, leaving you so tired that you couldn't continue tonight with the work you were doing. "Let's go to bed, okay? You're too tired to continue."

Your long lashes fluttered when you opened your eyes, straightened yourself in the seat and rubbed your eyes closed with your fists, not realizing that all these things you were doing were affecting your health.

"Not yet. I must finish this before."

However, you finished talking and you lay back on the desk, falling asleep quickly again. The previous days your entrance to the house was after 12, and today, the first time you were here before that time, you looked tired and still wanted to continue. I watched the papers next to you that you copied in the Word of your laptop, a lot of words and numbers that maybe I could do for you.

"I'll do it for you then." I said, and my voice made you wake up, just to shake your head. "I will do it. You go to sleep."

The weight of weariness fell on your shoulders as you straightened up, your eyes half-closed looking down to avoid the annoying brightness of the screen.

"Can I sleep here for a moment then? I'll make you a space in the chair."

Your little girl voice was endearing, although your tiredness was so much that you were not able to walk to the bed that was a couple of steps behind us. I risked to frighten you without wanting, to surprise you to the point of bothering you, and although no one would believe me, there was no selfish intention in what I was about to do.

"Let me help you, okay? Come here..." I wanted to believe that the heavy fatigue faded your limitations towards me, but it was the same tiredness that let you cling to my neck when I lifted you in my arms, my hands away from the contact. The smell of apples in your hair and the nearness of your face consumed me completely, turning my control into a little boy who doesn't receive a sweet. "You're killing me, you know that?"

I walked to the bed and laid you there gently, your black and pink hair falling on the pillow, while in dreams, you lay down on your right side and pushed your loose-fisted hands near your mouth, just the way you did it since you were a child according to your grandfather. I covered you with the blanket up to your shoulders and I pushed the edges of the blanket inward like a small caterpillar in case air currents were very cold at dawn. The pain of nostalgia completely covered me by being able to see you this way, without you looking back at me because your eyes was my greatest weakness. The total calm in your face appeared when you slept, far from the gossip of the people, in a deep sleep where nobody could hurt you. It was every part of you that I loved, from the cautious look in your eyes that didn't recognize me and that made me miss you secretly, to the letters of your name: it was everything about you that I loved.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

As Leeteuk hyung walked out of the rehearsal room, waving at you while he left, I realized that the rumor that you were here spread quickly around the company. Like Heechul who begged to host the party after the wedding - promising to be super fun - Krystal offered to sing for us just like all the members of EXO, and although I thought Luna would offer to do it, I could see that the casual encounter with Krystal offered a good friendship for you in the future, considering how well you two got along when she was here.

"I can not believe you've met EXO without us." Key said sitting on the wooden floor, while you, sitting on the sofa with your laptop on your legs crossed, laughed cautiously. "Everyone here seems to love you already, especially Baekyun and Chanyeol."

Through the reflection of the mirror, Minho chuckled at my reaction to the word love. As innocent as that love was, I didn't like that word to be next to the word you.

"It was for a little while..." You shrugged, just not to give importance to something that was really important to you. "I met good people, famous and not famous and I made good friends. With the EXO members... it was more of a casual friendship I think."

"But your name does not appear in magazines, noona." Taemin said in confusion. "They didn't give you the credit you deserved for your work."

Jonghyun nodded in agreement with Tae.

"We were very surprised to know that the photographer was you."

You laughed shyly, because the opportunity to be a photographer couldn't be given to the president of the Hamilton companies. However, to downplay the situation, you made a signal for them to approach you, as if you were sharing a secret. And they, as obedient children, leaned forward.

"It's a secret." You pressed a finger against your lips, making that shhhh sound as they pulled away laughing. "Don't tell anyone."

Between a joke and joke about a job that I knew you wanted to keep, the boys stood up to return to rehearsal. As we danced the song Jonghyun wrote, I realized that being in front of a sea of ​​looks was not as intimidating as being in front of you, even when your eyes moved between us and back to the laptop. I tried to be professional and keep up with the guys, but even though I knew you, your way of looking at me was new, captivating, and intimidating at the same time.

However, after the song ended and you walked out to answer a message, there was a time when the distance between us didn't feel right, and that was then when we heard a pitiful cry that heard close to where we were. That sound alerted everyone as Key was the first to leave the room, finding the place only to be the one who approached you first.

"What happened here?!" He looked at you from head to toe, as if Luna, who was the only person here with you, could have done something to you. "Are you okay, Juliette? Are you hurt?"

The girls of F(x) appearing behind me, pausing next to their member, who was the only one who had an expression that anyone would worry about.

"Oppa!" Luna's hurt voice sounded sad to everyone as she approached me. "Juliette unnie brought me here and told me not to approach you."

"That's not true." You tried to defend yourself from Luna's direct words, looking with courage at the others to defend your position. "I was here when you came in, Luna, and I said nothing."

"Luna..." Victoria called to her, a serious but suspicious look in her eyes. "Tell us what really happened."

"That's a lie." She shook her head, and her eyes began to fill with tears. "She even hurt me."

Luna lifted the sleeve of her sweater, showing the red mark that contrasted with her skin. I didn't want to believe it at that moment, but maybe what people said about you these years did change who you were, and even though it was not your fault, it was not fair for others to pay for the frustration you kept inside yourself.

"What's wrong with you, Juliette?" I said. "You can not do that."

"I didn't mean it. I didn't..."

"You didn't...?" I asked. "Say you're sorry, Juliette."

My voice came out harder than I wanted, and a reprimand became - or so I felt - in words that judged you in front of the others, and that was when you realized what was happening, so you decided to play the best move you had in this life.

"Yes, of course I will." You said sarcastically, with a tough voice that I never heard. "I did what she did to me, so I don't see why I have to."

"That's not true, unnie. I didn't do anything to you."

Luna's words made you look at her in frustration.

“Don’t be spoiled, Juliette.” I said, feeling sorry for the way Luna's personality tried to defend herself. “Apologize to Luna.”

That word stopped you, drawing an expression on your face with a bittersweet feeling.

“No.” You said firmly, while the feeling of frustration disappeared completely from your gaze. “Is this what I have to endure? Because I have respect for myself to know this will continue. I’ve seen a lot of Lunew…” You made a pause, filling your chest with courage. “And I don’t have to endure this.”

Your gaze drifted away from mine for a second, just before Minho spoke.

"Juliette..." He said softly, pronouncing your name carefully, very different from the way I did it.

“I don’t want to marry you.” You said, your eyes cold as ice.

That hard expression I took without wanting faded completely when your words struck me directly, surprising the others in the room.

"Juliette..." I said your name finally as I tried to walk close to you; with a feeling of fear I didn't want to feel.

But you walked away as if I were going to hurt you - more than I did with my words - and you shook your head before leaving the room. The world felt strange, giving me a feeling that made my heart race, but even before I could think about following you, Minho closed his wrist around my arm, shaking his head in disapproval before running down the path you followed. Key's face became an expression of displeasure, too sincere with his feelings towards Luna to hide it.

Just as I felt closer to you, our nearness fell through into the vast abyss that lay between us again. The sadness after the accident appeared like a shadow over me again, but this time it was not the fault of the cruel fate: this time it was completely my fault.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU. ––––––

Hi. New chapter here and I hope you all like it c:
Sorry for the possible grammar mistakes, i will try to fix them as soon as possible.
Thank you all for reading!