Song #12

I’m love sick, girl

Why is this? I still hurt when I see you

Love grows deeper, it’s crazy

I need a doctor

Or spill it on my lips that sweet syrup called you – Love Sick.

“Are you nauseous, sleepy and ravenously hungry?” The doctor asked.

"Yes, yes, and definitely yes."

"Onew... I think your wife is pregnant."

I checked the time on my phone as my nerves grew with each passing minute and the van drew closer to what was once your home. 4:30 a.m. 3 weeks in Japan had been the longest time we had been apart, angel, and although it was also three weeks in which I missed you terribly, (the days became infinite and some nights, despite the exhaustion, impossible for me to conceive sleep until we were finally about to meet) was also 3 weeks where I experienced strange symptoms that were totally new to me.

"Hyung, can I be there when you tell Juliette that she's pregnant?" Key asked, and even though he was sitting behind me, I could imagine the joy on his face despite the sleep and exhaustion. "I was going to ask you if you would let me tell her, but surely you were going to say no."

"You think so?" Beside me, Minho glanced at him. "This is their time, not ours."

"I want to be there too when Juliette finds out." Jonghyun cut in with a small voice.

"Can't we all be there?" Taemin asked.

"I think the first thing is for Jinki and Juliette to confirm that they are expecting a baby, boys." Our manager chuckled.

But as the van turned the corner in a quiet neighborhood that slept at this hour of the morning, a smile came to my face when I saw you in the distance, standing in the doorway of your house as you hugged yourself to protect yourself of the December cold while you waited for me, wearing one of my sweatshirts that, although it was a little big on you, made you look adorable and hot at the same time. However, the words of the doctor I visited during my stay in Japan kept echoing in my head. Would you really be pregnant, angel? Something had definitely changed in you since we had returned from visiting your grandfather's house, and although at first glance I related it to the fact that the university had already finished and you were relieved by that, I saw something in your eyes, like a different kind of happiness that I had never seen before since we got married.

"Have a good night, Jinki." My manager chuckled as he finally brought the car to a stop in front of the house.

“Good night, hyung. Good night, kids." I grabbed my backpack and phone and opened the car door, ready to meet you after the longest and most difficult weeks of my life.

I closed the door behind me and went to meet you, who welcomed me with open arms, silently asking me to pick you up in mine to hold you tight as I heard the voices of the members acting childishly behind me through the window. But since I heard the car drive away, I picked you up in my arms when I felt the warmth of your body against mine, and it was as if happiness didn't fit in my chest when I had you against me. We stayed like that for a moment, together as if we never had to part again, and since you held your cheek against my shoulder like a baby, I reminisced about the times we'd talked about having a baby the past few weeks during our short vacation in America.

"Are you okay, angel?" When you finally looked at me, the pout on your lips was adorable and a temptation, but even with that distraction, I could see the expression on your face. “You look a bit sad. Aren't you happy to see me?"

You shook your head before speaking.

"It's because I missed you that I'm like this." You tried to smile, and finally the shine came to your eyes. "Should we go inside?"

You used that sweet voice that I liked to hear, the same one that made me obey you instantly, but since you tried to go down, I held you against me.

"I think you're forgetting something." I pouted, and it took you only a second to realize it.

Smiling slightly, you pressed your sweet lips against mine, and with a tiny drop of a kiss, my desire for you instantly awoke, wishing this moment would last forever.

"Are you going to put me down?" You asked the moment we parted ways and I walked with you still in my arms towards the house, closing the door behind me without making the slightest noise so as not to disturb your grandfather and your father who were sleeping upstairs.

"No, I like having you against me." Although my words weren't meant to sound dirty, they made you raise an eyebrow. "That's not what I meant."

"If you say so." You chuckled as I walked across the room towards the staircase that led us to the second floor.

On the way to your old room, you rested your cheek against my shoulder again, sighing as you recognized the warmth that my body gave you. At the end of the hall, the light from the bedside lamp was on when we entered the room, slightly illuminating the place as it gave a warm touch to the 4 walls that were now empty since you moved in with me. Behind me, I closed the door with my foot and when I got to the bed, I set my backpack on the floor before leaning you back on it, using my arm to support myself over you, connecting our lips in a kiss that made you gasp.

My free hand caressed your warm cheek as yours roamed over my body, urging me to remove the black sweater I was wearing.

"Are you sure you want to do it now, angel?" I whispered against your lips, moving to your neck.

"You are very tired?"

"I'm never tired when it comes to you."

Your hands tangled in my hair as I descended, kissing every inch of your body, down to the place where my tongue did wonders for you. With the sounds you made, drowned out because we weren't alone, I understood how stormy it had been to be away from you, because from the second we said goodbye, my body had done nothing but miss you.

The clock struck 5:47 in the morning when I had you sleeping next to me, finally next to me. As I fell asleep, I thought about how much I wished you were pregnant with our first baby. Although it felt like a second, when I opened my eyes again it was past noon and we made love again before going down to the dining room where your father and grandfather were serving the last dishes he had prepared for lunch. Behind him, the huge glass partitions that connected the dining room to the patio were closed due to the December cold, enveloping us in a homely warmth that you enjoyed after a long time.

"I'm glad you guys are here, I thought we were going to have lunch by ourselves." Your grandfather smiled the moment he saw us coming down the stairs, and he invited us to sit in the chairs across from him. “How was your flight, Jinki? I imagine you are still tired.”

"Yes, sir, very tired." I lied, and I heard how you stifled a small laugh.

“But there's nothing a good home cooked meal can't make better.” He sat across from us with his father next to him, proud of how well the online recipes we saw during our visit to America had worked out. "Bon Appetite."

"Thank you Grandpa." You smiled before taking a plate.

I remember well what happened next, angel, I think I did it because it was the strangest thing I've seen you do since we met. I still remember that first morning in the dorm when we had breakfast together for the first time, and the moment when Kibum tried to share with you some of the sea food that I had made, but that I had refused for you, because I was still sure that you didn't like it as much as when you were a child, but you were here now, after almost 10 months of marriage, poking it with your fork to take it to your mouth as if it were the most delicious thing you had ever tasted in your entire life.

Your grandfather and your father looked at me with the same surprise that seemed to not fit on their faces, as if the world was suddenly going to end, as if the idea of ​​you doing this did not fit in their minds, even when their eyes were seeing it in the front row. Maybe we even looked like fools trying to give each other an explanation using only our minds, urging each other to do something to stop you.

"Juliette, honey..." Your grandfather called you gently. “Could you please bring your grandfather his morning pills? They are in the bathroom cabinet.”

"Of course." You smiled warmly at him, setting your fork down on your plate as you stood up and walked over to the stairs.

The moment you disappeared, your grandfather leaned across the table to whisper.

"What's going on?! Am I going crazy or did I see my granddaughter eat seafood for the first time in her life? I think age is starting to get to me.”

As he patted his head and began to gently tug at his white hair, an idea came to mind.

“Sir…” I leaned over the table as well, feeling my heart beating really fast. "I think Juliette is pregnant."

To my surprise, your dad and grandpa relaxed in their seats as they kept looking at me, thinking for a few seconds before speaking again.

"That would make a lot of sense actually, because the other option is that Juls totally lost her mind." Your dad said, and narrowed his eyes at me. "Are you having her pregnancy symptoms, son?"

"How did you know?" I asked innocently.

A small smile flitted across your grandfather's lips.

“My son here went through the same thing when Juliette's mom was pregnant with the twins. He was the one throwing up every day, he was always hungry and slept like a bear during the winter. But if you ask us that means you have already considered it. Have you seen a doctor?”

"Yes, and in fact he was pretty sure my wife was pregnant."

"Oh! I didn't think it would happen so fast, but it looks like you guys don't waste time." I knew your grandfather was joking with me, but that didn't stop my cheeks from burning from the sudden shyness I felt. He leaned back against the chair, and I could clearly see his eyes get that sparkle that comes with happiness as he patted your dad's shoulder. “I think you will give them their wedding gift sooner than expected.”

"Wedding gift?" I whispered.

Your dad shrugged like it was no big deal, but I could see a certain joy in his eyes.

"It's something I've been preparing for you..."

But before he could continue, we heard small footsteps coming from the second floor.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

Jinwoo's farewell party went smoothly, at least for a moment. Tomorrow at noon, he was flying to Paris to start a new chapter in his life, and I must admit I was relieved to have patched things up with him before he left. Although the main reason had been you, angel. I knew well that Jinwoo had been a friend and a brother during the time he lived with you in Manhattan, and although I tried not to let the monster of jealousy consume me, a part of me kept that ugly feeling deep in my heart, but, still, I thanked him for everything he did for you all that time.

"Oh no. Is the monster of jealousy attacking again?" Chuckling, Minho said sitting next to me.

I mumbled a yes as in the distance, I saw Jinwoo hug you before you both walked over to where we were: Minho, Sam, Danny, Jonghyun (who was in high spirits chatting with your best friend), and Krystal.

“Onew…” Jinwoo said a way of greeting, and, being neutral like we were used to being, I nodded. “Thanks for coming, guys. And if you don't mind, I would like to take this young lady with me."

I straightened up in my place thinking he was talking about you, until I saw him extend her hand to Krystal, who, nervous but happy, took it before leaving.

“Nice bracelet.” I said, and I didn't mean for my voice to sound as cold as I thought it would.

Quickly, you pulled down the sleeve of your jacket.

"Please don't do that."

"Was it necessary to hug him?"

"Yes." You answered honestly, but I could hear the sadness in your voice.

"Come with me to the bathroom, Juliette?" Sam stood up, urging you to do the same.

As you both made your way away from us, Minho put a hand on my shoulder.

“Calm down, hyung. What's going on with you? I thought you weren't mad at Jinwoo anymore for what happened. Juliette is with you now. Everything's fine."

My face twisted into a worried expression as I imagined your reaction to my behavior, and my stomach sank with the feeling that I had hurt you with my words.

“I think it's me who's pregnant, Minho. These mood swings of mine are not normal. Are they? Have I behaved like this before? I don't even remember now."

To my surprise, Minho laughed.

"Not really, but your mental pregnancy would explain your behavior."

As I thought about it some more, a growing anxiety settled in my chest.

"I'd better apologize to Juliette." I stood up, with Minho behind me.

"I will go with you."

We both walked away from the dance floor as we made our way through the people gathered there, and all the way to meeting you, I felt like my own nerves were nothing more than proof that something strange was happening to my body. The next thing I saw, though, was something I couldn't control. I recognized the girl from your college, the one you doused with the soda you had in your hand the first time we met. She was Jinwoo's ex-girlfriend. The same one that, standing in front of you, slapped you across the face. Although I believed in you when you told me that fighting was not something you started, it was something you knew how to end, so, afraid that you would get hurt even more, I wrapped my hands around your waist to prevent you from jumping on that girl.

"Go away, Hyorin." Sam stepped forward, advising the girl to get away from you before you caught her in your hands.

Giving you a cold look, she left. I never met anyone so mean.

"Can you let me go now, please?" Your hand rested on mine, wanting to push my arm from your belly.

"You should teach that girl a lesson." Sam said. "She needs a lesson... or maybe I should teach her one."

"That doesn't help, Sammy." Minho said next to her before looking at you. "Are you okay, Julie?"

"No." You said through clenched teeth, still looking at the place that girl left. "Yes, thank you."

“Angel…” I called softly to you to attract your attention.

"What?"

“You should stop fighting…” I used one finger to pull your chin towards me, caressing the cheek Hyorin had dared to hit with my other hand. "That could hurt our baby." 

You looked at me with surprise, although your brow furrowed.

"Don't say things like that." You groaned, taking a step back to get a better look at me. "That's not funny now."

“It is you who have been behaving strangely these weeks, angel, and you have been feeling very tired. I mean, really tired, and that's a symptom of pregnancy."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"Angel... now you eat sea food."

Well, this definitely wasn't the way or the place I thought of telling you, but once the truth was out and I said it out loud, it actually made more sense to me. As I waited for your answer, Jinwoo's farewell party went on its way as you looked at me with a frown, confused and slightly annoyed with my choice of words that seemed to be so random.

"Tell her, hyung." Minho chuckled next to me.

“This is awkward, but I'm the one experiencing your pregnancy symptoms, angel: it's called Couvade syndrome. I don't know how many times I ran to the bathroom while filming our music video because I felt sick, I spend most of my time sleeping, and now I'm hungrier than I've ever been in my life. I mean, I know the baby is inside you because of me, but–”

"Yah!" You tried to silence me with one hand, your cheeks turning pink.

“I think we made the baby during the time we were in America. That explains why we feel so tired these weeks. Also… your grandfather told me that your father went through the same thing with his twins.”

Staring off into space, I found you giggling nervously.

“Yes, but…” Your pretty eyes met mine again, and it was then that I saw the seriousness on your face. "Guess you got me with the seafood."

"Let's go." I took your hand and hoped that the warmth of mine would be comforting to you. "Let's go outside to get some air."

Minho and Sam stayed behind as we walked through a throng of people, making our way to get outside and get some cold air, which would help us put our thoughts in order. Luckily my car was parked near the entrance, and you sat on the hood as some winter season snowflakes began to fall.

"You know? My dad was always proud that he was the one who experienced the symptoms of my mom's pregnancy. He always said that he, in a way, helped with the formation of their babies.”

I couldn't help but be able to hear the melancholy in your voice, like you longed to have your dad around after all they'd been through.

“He loves you very much, angel. You know that, right?"

You nodded.

"I know. I know he does."

It made me happy to know that you knew.

“This morning when we had lunch, even your dad and grandpa agreed that something strange was going on with you. They had never seen you eating seafood. If you think about it… Is this your first time doing it?”

You blinked, thinking deeply as you searched the corners of your memory.

"I think not. Those weeks when you were not here, now that I think about it, I ate a lot in the company and sometimes I asked to be served different dishes like those, but I never realized it. I was always so busy that I forgot what I was eating. I never really thought about it."

I tried to ignore the idea of ​​you eating alone and I tried to focus on the facts.

"Do you think there's a chance you're pregnant, angel?"

"I don't know. I guess we should do a test to find out. But… how could I not feel it. I had to feel it.” Suddenly, you sighed so deeply, that I was afraid you were going to cry at that moment. "I'm sorry."

"Angel, no... please look at me." I said softly, I took your face in my hands and kissed your lips because despite having been together all day, I felt that I had not done it enough. "Why are you sorry for? The thought that you are pregnant is the best thing that could have happened to me since we got married. If we have a baby, it means life has decided that we are ready to have one.”

My words made you smile, at least a little bit.

"We would be very lucky; don't you think?"

"The luckiest couple in the world." I smiled, remembering your dad and his promise to get us a special house. "And I think we should start looking for a house."

“A big house for the baby and Gahul.”

“A house where they can both grow.”

With happiness in your eyes, you searched for the watch on my wrist. 12:15 after midnight.

"Happy birthday to you, Jinki."

I smiled.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

"Congratulations to both of you, because you are expecting a baby."

A few hours had passed since we finally got home, but even though Dr. Jo had said it out loud, twice for us to understand correctly, his words still sounded unreal all the way back, from the clinic to the dorm, until we opened the door and everyone was there: our family, waiting for news that we didn't dare to give them over the phone. Life seemed to be a wonderful dream despite the cold season, but the warmth in their hearts and the happiness they felt for us was enough to melt everything.

"Well? Are we expecting a baby or not?" Key was the first to dare to speak, giving us an anxious look as the rest waited for an answer.

"Yes, Kibum, we are expecting one." You answered, without let him see if with that we you meant everyone or just the two of us.

Well played, angel, I thought as he was the first to engulf you in a hug. Mom was the first to hug me, congratulating me on being a good husband and from now on, a father-to-be. My dad was proud of me too, and I didn't need his words for me to realize how he felt about the news. Everyone congratulated us, your dad and grandpa, your best friends and my members: the joy overflowed the brim of their honest hearts.

All. Only one person was missing.

“Onew…” Jinwoo greeted as soon as he walked through the door and our eyes met.

“Jinwoo.”

He had a present in his hands, and I figured he would be excited to see you too.

“Wow. I can feel the tension.” Jonghyun muttered from where he was on the couch, though maybe he was just doing it to break the awkwardness and bad memories a bit.

"I'll tell Juliette you're here."

"Thank you." I heard him say as I walked down the hall to the bedroom.

I knew a part of me would always be embarrassed by the things I said on the phone when the pictures of him kissing you surfaced, and even though you had forgiven me for that, the guilt still lived inside of me. Small but alive. But as I reached for the knob and gently pushed the door ajar, your tired but loving eyes lingered on me, silently telling me that you didn't care at all about the mistakes I've made in the past.

"Am I interrupting your conversation?"

"No honey." My mother said sweetly.

I walked over to you and squatted in front.

"There's someone here to see you, angel."

"Who?"

"Jinwoo."

You felt more than happy, I knew it by your look, just like when you told him on the phone, believing that he couldn't come to see you because his flight was today.

"Don't pout." You pinched my cheek gently and I giggled as I rose.

"I'll tell him to come. You may want to talk before he flies to Paris."

"But you don't have to say that with that look, son." My mother patted my low waist and she laughed. "It almost seems like you're suffering."

"Mom." I complained, but you found it funny.

"Okay. Okay..." My mother gently patted your knee, got up and walked toward the door. "Come on, son. Let's give the kids a little privacy."

"Mom, please, they don't need privacy." I grumbled. My mother stood in the doorway while I took your hand and kissed it. "You have not slept since yesterday. After you talk to him I need you to rest, even for few hours."

"Okay, captain." You saluted with your free hand and smiled.

I laughed too like my mother and left the room.

Although my mom didn't know everything that had happened between the three of us, she couldn't help but congratulate me on good my behavior, because I suppose there are things that one cannot hide. Since I told Jinwoo that it was okay for him to see you, he walked into the room while I listened to the giggles of my members, who seemed to enjoy my suffering. For that same reason, I decided to go to the kitchen with my mom, to the place where my dad, yours and your grandfather were talking animatedly.

“I think Juliette will love it…” Your grandfather was saying, answering the question your dad had just asked him. “Jinki, we were talking, and my son and I think we have found the perfect house for you two.”

My face lit up at the thought of moving into our own home, with a garden for Gahul and a place to raise our baby.

"Yeah, well, I still don't know if it's a good idea for you." Your dad looked at me with some concern, wary of his words. “Look, son, there are many houses available to you two, but none like this one. I always considered it very special because that was where you and Juliette used to play when you were children, do you remember?"

I couldn't help but feel a pang in my chest, because he was talking about the house where you spent your vacations here in Seoul when you were a child, the same one where we used to play together many times before you left for a long time.

“I remember that house, it is very beautiful. Juliette always found it very warm.”

That was true, you always said that the color and the way it was built, you thought the house was very warm, like a second home. Maybe that's why you adapted so well. I hadn't seen that house from the inside since the last time we played together, and I wondered how big the tree we planted in the garden had grown.

“Would you like to have it? Because it's yours if you want it."

The house was close to my parents' house, it was close to the playground where we used to play every day, it was there that we made many memories together, the same ones that only I kept in my mind. I wondered if you would like to have that house, if somewhere in your sleeping memories, you could feel that you had been there before. I also thought about the new memories that we could both make, take our things to settle down and make that house a home for the 4 of us, if we only counted us, the baby and Gahul.

"I would like to try. If Juliette likes the idea of ​​moving there, I would be happy to accept it, sir.”

Your dad nodded.

“Then so be it. Tomorrow you could go and have a look at it.”

“Thank you, sir.”

A few minutes later, Jinwoo appeared from the kitchen empty-handed and not quite ready to leave, but after saying goodbye to everyone, it was I who walked him to the door.

“Thank you for coming Jinwoo, I know it means a lot to her.”

He nodded.

“Thank you for…” Jinwoo thought about his next words for a moment. “For loving her so much. Please keep taking care of her like you've been doing. You are doing a really good job.”

Jinwoo extended his hand to me, and I took it, and I felt like we were finally able to move forward in peace with each other.

"Have a good trip."

Without saying anything, because it seemed that there was no need to say anything more, he left. I closed the door behind me and excused myself from the others to go see you, only to find you curled up on the bed with an elephant shaped pillow against your chest. I entered the room and closed the door, walking to the bed to lie down next to you.

"I like that pillow."

You opened your eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes." I chuckled as I felt your doubt. "It's a nice gift for the baby."

"Yes, it is." You held it against you, smiling. "I have something for you too."

"Yeah?" I smiled. "A kiss? You have not kissed me in all day."

"Don't lie. I did kiss you."

"No, you didn't." I pouted, so you would press your lips against mine. "So what is it?"

"A gift for your birthday... another gift, actually. But you have to close your eyes."

"Okay."

You got out of the bed and walked around the room for a moment as I felt you, that was until you returned and sat back down.

"You have to sit down, but don't open your eyes." You said. I chuckled but did as you asked, feeling something you pushed toward me. "Now you can open your eyes."

I blinked confused when I saw a photo album in front of me. "Our adventure book" was written on it.

"I started it the night you found my bracelet." You said as I reviewed the first page. "That night I understood... that you would do anything for me."

"Anything." I said looking at a photograph.

There were a lot of photos of you and me, photos that you had taken without me noticing, photos with the members, alone too, and some together.

"There's something written there."

I pulled out a random photograph and turned it.

I was in love with you but I was too cowardly to say it out loud, however, I hoped that in my eyes you could see what my lips were afraid to say. After all, you discovered what my heart had afraid to accept. - SEOUL, March 20.

In the silence of the room, I think reality hit me hard and I couldn't stop a tear from running down the corner of my cheek. We were expecting a baby, angel, it was really happening, and although I was very scared to make a mistake, I felt that happiness suddenly didn't fit in my heart.

"Please don’t cry. It wasn't my intention to make you feel sad."

"It's not that." I smiled, but my voice came out shaky. "Come here, angel, please."

My hand found yours and I led you towards me until you were sitting on my lap with your legs around my waist.

"I think now I understand that we will be parents. Now he or she is growing inside you. It's happening, angel, we are months to meet our baby. And I'm so happy now."

You caught a tear that ran down my cheek, and with your thumbs in my cheeks, you kissed me softly, and I really loved you for it.

–––––– TO THE BEAUTIFUL YOU ––––––

Hope you liked it. As always, thank youuu♥XOXO - V.