WARNING: Contains many curse words

Hoya stared at me emotionlessly.

“Sanghee-ya,” He called me quietly. “Do you realize what you said just now?”

“About what?” I replied lifelessly, still slumped down on the couch. “If you asked me about the divorcement thing… Then, yeah,” I closed my eyes. “Yeah, I’m fully aware about what I said.”

Hoya stayed silent for a while before asked me again, “Why do you want to divorce with me?”

I frowned.

Is he seriously that stupid? Can’t he figure the reason immediately?

“Because I’m sick of all this drama,” Nevertheless, I answer his question. “I’m sick of keep on holding you, while you apparently don’t want to be held by me. I’m sick of trying to fix our relationship, while clearly you don’t want to be with me anymore. I’m,” I choked on my tears, “… I’m done with it, Hoya. I’m not going to cling on this sick relationship anymore. I’m done fighting for us. You can be with… her for all I care. Just,” I inhaled deeply and opened my eyes, staring straight at him, “…let me go. Let me out of this suffocated feeling. Let me be away from… you.”

I tried so hard to keep myself calm.

Hoya looked at me back with unreadable expression.

“Have you thought about the consequences, ‘though?” He tore his gaze on the floor. “Divorcement isn’t a small issue… Especially, after twenty years of marriage life.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not an irrational woman who throws a divorcement issue without thinking of its aftermaths,” I laughed cynically. “I did think of it. So many ing times.” I glared at him. “What has been holding me back then from confronted you about this was the thought that you’re willing to change,” The hurt and pain in my eyes must be affect him, because he quickly looking at anywhere but me. “I thought if I can knock some sense on your head, we can work together to fix this marriage. But I guess, I was too naïve to even think like that.”

I let out sad chuckle.

“But what about everyone around us?” He argued. “How about our parents, our relatives, when they heard about our divorcement? What about the societies we live today? Minwoo? Heeyoun?”

My eyes turned into a slit.

“Oh… So, at the situation like this, you finally uttered your concern towards Heeyoun?” I continued to narrow my eyes. “What happened about your statement to call her a disgraceful daughter? You finally worry about your disgraceful daughter now? Touché,” I mocked him.

Explicitly, I was fuming madly.

He used to despise our daughter and called her names ever since he found her pregnancy.

He used to accuse her as a disgrace to our family.

After all insults he threw to Heeyoun…

How dare he rolling her name out of his tongue so casually like that?

Hoya sighed.

“Sanghee-ya–“

“No, Lee Howon. Let me speak,” I cut him rudely. He shot me a look, obviously didn’t like the tone in my voice.

Like I care.

 I didn’t care anymore if I shouldn’t talk to him like that, nor whether I hurt him or not.

He hurt me very badly for many times before this. Why can’t I do that too?

“Let me answer your question,” I sent him a look, beckoning him to not cut my next sentences. “First, about our parents and relatives. I don’t know about yours, it’s your responsibility to tell them. But I’m pretty sure, my parents will understand my decision if I told them about all that happened in our marriage. My parents, so do my whole family in general, were never against my decision before, as long as I have brief explanation and strong reasons about my action, hence I doubt they will against this decision too if they know how badly I was hurt lately… because of you,” I gritted my teeth, prevented myself to throw unnecessary insults when I remember his treatment towards me recently.

“Second, about our children,” I continued my words. “I’m sure they are old enough to understand this. Take a notice here: You’re not only treating me badly nowadays, but also them. To be specific, Heeyoun,” I scoffed when he avoided my gaze, looking uneasy and a bit guilty. “That’s why, I can assure you that they will agree to me once they know about this. Don’t waste your time to worry about their reaction, Lee Howon,” I said coldly.

Hoya looked like he was going to say something, but my cold gaze shut him up right away.

“Last, about our societies,” I let out deep breath. “Do you seriously think I care about them, Lee Howon?” I stared at him emotionlessly. “It’s my life, not them. They are never going to live my life. They will never be able to put themselves in my shoe. Then, why should I bother to think about them?” I wore my cold expression. “Let them think, badmouthing, or gossiping about me. I’m not giving a ing damn care.”

“But I care,” Hoya spoke softly. I just stared at him in surprise. “I care about how the societies think about me, about us. If you happen to forget it, let me remind you again. I do just turn to be the heiress of my father company a year ago. As the CEO, I have an image to take care of. And I can let a divorcement issue take me down.”

My look turned to be disbelief.

“So, that’s all what you care about? Your image?” I asked him bitterly. “You’re afraid that they would look down at you once they found about our divorcement?”

“Not just that, actually,” He muttered. “You know, my parents are really excited about our marriage. They may still have Jieun as their daughter. But, I’m the oldest child in our family. I am the only son in my family. They really hang their hope in our marriage. How,” He looked really troubled. “How am I supposed to tell them that I’m going to divorce you?”

I snorted.

“Is it my business? No. At least, not now,” There was anger laid in my tone. “It’s your problem. You are the one who created this messed. You are the one who is cheating on me with Jung Eunji. So you have to think about a way out yourselves.”

He took a deep breath. When he lifted his head, I saw the same determination in his eyes.

“I’m not letting you go.”

His following words froze me automatically.

“What did you say?” I helplessly hoped that I heard his words wrong.

“I said,” Hoya took a deep breath, “I’m not going to divorce you.”

“Why?” My tone shook with misery. “Is it because of the societies’ judgement? Your parent’s judgement?”

He stayed still.

“LEE HOWON, YOU’RE JERK!!” I stood up and yelled at him, finally lost my patience.

Hoya stood up from his seat too.

“Curse me all you want, Sanghee,” he said calmly. “But it won’t change my decision.”

I. Have. Enough.

I strode towards him furiously.

“YOU BASTARD! RASCAL! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME, HUH?!” I continued shouting at him while punched and slapping his chest. Hoya let me going berserk for a while, before he pulled my body and hugged me tightly, stopped me from harming him.

“LET ME GO! YOU ROGUE! LET GO OFF ME!” I struggled in his embrace. I continued to scream and punch his back, but Hoya held me tightly that it was impossible for me to pull away.

Not so long, my loud yell was replaced by soft sniffles. Slowly, he pulled off his hug.

“Why?” I looked down at the floor, my voice was shaking badly. “Why do you have to do this?”

Hoya reached out his hands, but I slapped them and shrieked, “DON’T TOUCH ME!!”

He dropped his hands on sides. Hoya, too, stared at the floor, refused to answer me. I brought my arms to hug myself in attempt to be calm.

“You told me you love her,” I tried to speak between my sobs. “You weren’t able to tell me that you still love me… But you could say confidently that you love her,” I choked on my tears.

I could portrait an imaginary heart that full of scratch started to crack.

My heart.

“It hurt me, Hoya. It hurt me so much. But if that what you want, I let you. I let you go to her,” My cracking voice was almost inaudible. “I just asked you to free me, Hoya. Let me go from you and find my own happiness. Is it really too much?” More tears were flowing down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” Hoya said shakily.

“I don’t need your apologize!” I snapped. I glared at him with resentment slowly filled my body. “I just want my freedom! Now after I know that our marriage can’t be fix again, all I wanna do is to find the source of my blessedness, who obviously isn’t you, and will never be found if I stuck here with you,” I jabbed my finger to his chest angrily.

I scowled when Hoya still locked his gaze to the floor.

“Do me a favor, Hoya,” Instead of a request, my sentences came as a command. “Do me a favor and divorce me. Then, we can live our life in the way we chose. Just please,” I tried to overcome the suffocated feeling that started to built inside me, “Let me go.”

Hoya let out another sigh.

“I can’t, Sanghee. I can’t!” His voice sounded frustrated. “I already explained to you, I have an image to take care! Beside, I can’t bear the disappointment feeling my parents will face when they hear this news–“

“And you choose to sacrifice me instead?” I cut his blabbering. “So is it okay to keep hurting me as long as your parents feel contents with you? Is it okay to keep ripping my heart as far as the societies we live look at you proudly and compliment you? Have you ever thought of my feel? AM I JUST AN EMOTIONLESS LIVING DOLL TO YOU?!” I started to howl again.

This guy is really unbelievable.

“Enough, Sanghee,” Hoya closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, trying to control his temper.

“No, it’s not!” I retorted. “It’s far from enough! I haven’t done yet, Lee Howon!” I was raging. “Don’t you think that you’re selfish, Lee Howon?! You wanna be with Jung Eunji, to get your own happiness, while you refuse to let me go and find my own joy! You can’t have all in your hand, Lee Howon! You can’t go to her and tie me here for the sake of our societies! You can’t–“

“YES, I CAN!!” Hoya unexpectedly roared.

His glare at me flinched me slightly.

“I can’t tie you in this marriage? I can’t go with Eunji while I left you here? Bull!” Hoya scowled. “I can, Lee Sanghee! I can do that! So what if I’m selfish? I don’t care! As long as nothing will ruined my life and my reputation, I can do it!” He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t underestimate me, Lee Sanghee.”

For a moment, we just stood there, looked at each other.

Me, with my numbly look.

And him, with his menacing glare.

“You’re so unfair,” I finally found my voice. “You’re really really unfair, Hoya.”

“What can I say?” Hoya talked back to me. “Life is unfair. Face it, Sanghee.”

With that words, he stomped out of the house, left me alone in daze.

I snapped out my thoughts when I heard the sound of his car went away from our yard, only to find myself have been lying on the couch in fetal position. I didn’t bother to think of how or when I laid myself there. All I wanted to do at the moment was crying my agony, regretting and mourning about my fate.

So I did it. I cried my heart out all nights on the couch.

“Life is so unfair, Sanghee. Face it.”

Hoya’s words were the last thing rang in my head before I slept tiredly.

*****

I woke up when I felt someone caressed my hair. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes and faced a very concerned Minwoo.

“Morning, Minwoo,” I greeted him with a hoarse voice.

Minwoo smiled softly, “Morning, Eomma.”

Urgh… My voice sounds horrible.

I cleared my throat and pulled myself to sit. Minwoo quietly sat beside me.

“What time is it, Minwoo? Shouldn’t you be at school?” I tried to act normal, silently wished that my observant son didn’t notice anything from me.

“It’s about 8 AM,” Minwoo answered me. He suddenly laid his head on my shoulder. “And it’s Saturday, Eomma. I don’t need to go to school.”

“Is that so?” I patted his head lovingly. Minwoo nodded his head, his hair tickled my nape slightly.

I continued patting his head gently while we sat there in a comfortable silent.

“What happened yesterday, Eomma?” I froze when he asked me that.

Minwoo lifted his head and scrutinizing my eyes.

“What were you and Appa talking about?”

I fidget in my seat, avoiding his gaze.

Should I tell him? Or should I give him so-called ‘white lie’?

“Yes, you should tell me, Eomma,” I goggled at him in surprise. “And no, don’t ever think to lie to me, Eomma. Eventually, I’ll find out.”

How in the world does he know about what I think?

“It’s because you’re as easy as open book to read, Eomma,” Minwoo giggled amusedly. “Now, stop looking at me as if I suddenly growing extra heads. Tell me, will you?”

I was contemplating for a moment. But in the end, I told him everything.

About his father mistress, Jung Eunji.

About our arguments.

And finally, about him walked away after he told me that he’d rather be selfish than to let me go.

At the moment I finalized my story, I found my self being embraced tightly by my son. I wiped my fingers in my cheeks when I felt something wet rolling down there.

And I thought I already drained my tears. I smiled bitterly.

“That son of a ,” I heard Minwoo hissed.

“Don’t call your father like that, Minwoo,” I chided him halfheartedly.

Because, actually, a part of me is agree with him.

“I’d rather don’t have a father like him, Eomma,” Anger was evident in his voice. He hugged me tighter, continue to curse under his breath.

“There, there, Minwoo,” I pulled of his hugged and patted his cheeks softly. “You seriously need to stop cursing over your father, ok? It’s impolite, you know?” I straightened his hair.

Minwoo was scanning me with unreadable expression.

“Why do you still defend him, Eomma?” He still stared at me with that poker face of him. “He is practically despising you, stomping over your heart, breaking it until it lost its shape,” He took a deep breath. “Still, you aren’t allowing me to badmouth him.”

I smiled softly at his statement.

“Because, it’s our problem, Minwoo,” I answered him calmly. “It’s my problem with him. And you shouldn’t be involved in it. I know,” I cut him when he opened his mouth to dispute me. “You are our son. You may think that you have every right to get involving since we are your parents. But, believe me, Minnie,” I giggled when he scrunched his nose, unpleasant with my nickname for him when he was little, “It’s the thing that only us can solve it. So, you shouldn’t be bitter towards your father because of my problem with him.”

Minwoo pouted. Palpably, he was unsatisfied with my explanation.

“Beside, Minwoo-ya,” I grabbed his hand and intertwined it with me. “He is your father. He may acts like jerk and all, but no matter what, he is still your father. Pay a respect to him, will you?”

“Yeah, pay a respect towards a crook who hurt my mother. What is life?” He grunted his discontented in a low voice. But for me, who still could hear it, I was feeling touché with his fidelty for me. I pulled him in a really tight hug.

“Eomma! Let go off me!” Minwoo tried to push me gently. “I can’t breath!”

I laughed and pulled off the hug, kissed his forehead in the process.

“Now, Minwoo,” My eyes glinted. “Since it’s Saturday, why don’t we visit Heeyoun?”

Minwoo smiled widely, “I’d love to!”

He stood up and ran to his room to get changing almost immediately. I chuckled and shook my head.

Someone is delighted to meet his Noona.

I walked to my room and changed my clothes too.

“Eomma! Are you done now? What takes you so long?” I heard Minwoo shouted outside my room.

That son of mine. I giggled and went outside my room. Right after Minwoo saw me, he pulled me towards my car excitedly.

That’s right. I thought to myself while let myself being dragged by my eager son into my car. I smiled in content while listening Minwoo blabbered about his football club activity in our way to meet Heeyoun.

As long as I have my children beside me, nothing can break me down.

A/N: Another long depressed chapter is here! :p Still hope you like it, ‘though! xD

I’m sorry for you all who have been eager to see Hoya and Sanghee divorce…

But, do you really think that Hoya in this story will let Sanghee off easily? :o

Nu-uh~ :p *wiggling my fingers*

xDDDDDD *running away from the readers who probably want to kill me*

But don’t worry… Hoya will learn his lesson. :)

Very, very soon. ;) *insert a sadist BGM here* #winks