I entered my house absentmindedly. The conversation with Sunggyu before still haunted me.

“I’m not trying to be a busybody who infiltrated the other’s marriage’s life, Hee-ya,” Sunggyu said soothingly. “But you’re my beloved sister. I can’t stand to see you being hurt badly by Hoya. You’re too precious for me to let that happen, Hee-ya.”

I knew… I knew that Sunggyu was suggesting this for my sake.

“I won’t deny it, Hee-ya. Sure, divorcing is a big issue. But please, think of it from the other perspective. What’s the point of being committed with him in the name of the holy marriage, when he is clearly shrugging you off?”

He really had the point here.

“If you are thinking about the disappointment that Eomma and Appa will endure later, then you should worry over nothing. Maybe they will be shocked when they find out for the first time. But remember, they are our parents. They want nothing but us to be happy. And if your happiness was to be away from him, even if it hurts, I’m sure they’ll understand. Just... Talk to them warily, okay?”

He was right about that too.

I ruffled my hair in frustration.

Is divorcing with Hoya the only way to fix this all?

But what about Minwoo? Heeyoun?

All of sudden, another words flashing on my head.

“If you worry about Minwoo and Heeyoun, don’t. They are old enough to understand your situation, Hee-ya. You know yourselves that Hoya was changing not only in front of you, but also in front of your children. Hence, I’m very sure, they’ll understand your decision if you ever getting divorced with Hoya,” Sunggyu patted my head lovingly. “They are good kids, Hee-ya. For sure, they want their parents to be happy. And if being away from Hoya can give you happiness, then I’m sure they’ll respect you.”

Again, he was right about that.

But is it I what I really want?

I sighed deeply before went into my bedroom –our bedroom I corrected myself bitterly. Hoya wasn’t there when I entered it. In fact, he wasn’t at home at all, even when the digital clock in the nightstand showed the number “12.00”.

Well, what did you expect, Sanghee? I chuckled sourly. For sure, he’d rather spend the night in Jung Eunji’s house than with you. Again, my insecurity kicked out.

I laid on my bed and closed my eyes, still felt languished about my husband who was cheating on me with his so-called first love.

If only I knew that our marriage will turn like this, I’d rather be a rebel back then and eloped with Sungyeol Oppa. I thought sadly, remember my first love and my first boyfriend who I was forced to break up with because of this whole arrange marriage issue.

Memories of Lee Sungyeol suddenly filled my thoughts. I smiled bitterly, remembered all the happy times we spent together as a couple, and the painful time when we have to break up.

Where are you now, Yeollie Oppa? I smiled fondly. But I froze once I realized what I thought. Wait… Sanghee, you shouldn’t thinking of Sungyeol again. You’re someone’s wife now. You are only allowed to think about your husband.

But again, the thought of Hoya ditched me, his legal wife, to be with his mistress angered me.

I let out another sigh.

I really need to have a talk with Hoya. Soon.

*****

I spent the next day by doing my duty as a wife: cleaning the house, prepared lunch for myself and Minwoo, and then prepared the dinner for me plus Hoya. Yeah, you read it right. Plus Hoya.

I decided that we have to talk as soon as possible, or I would go crazy because of all stress I felt at that moment. So I sent text message to Hoya this morning, asked him to go home for dinner. I didn’t know whether Hoya already knew my intention or that day wasn’t a ‘busy’ day for him –yeah, I said ‘busy’ (with the quotation marks), because only God and him knew whether he was really busy with his works these days, or maybe busy with his mistress– but he agreed to come home at 8 pm.

I knew that it wasn’t a wise way to have Minwoo here while we were talking about our relationship. So, I already asked Minwoo to pay a visit to his Auntie and his cousins. I haven’t said anything to Sangeun about sending Minwoo to her house this afternoon, and maybe sleeping over for a night. But knowing her and her family, they would welcome Minwoo anytime for sure -although, I knew that I had to prepare myself for her bombarded questions later.

Here I was, sitting on the couch in my living room while waiting for my husband to go home. I tried to pay attention to the TV in front of me, but that easy task seemed too hard for me. After all, I knew that what we were going to talk could change our whole relationship.

Maybe it would be a better change –he would apologize, promise me to leave his mistress, we made up, and we were working out this relationship once again.

But there was a high possibility that it would make our relationship messed more.

And then, the worst thing that could be appeared tonight…

Was a talk about divorcement.

I shook my head, trying to shoo the negative thoughts.

Calm down, Sanghee… I told myself. Get a grab of hold of yourselves, please.

As in cue, I heard the sound of Hoya’s car entered our yard. Unconsciously, I straightened my sit position. I exhaled and inhaled deeply as I heard his steps towards our home.

This is it. Sanghee, be calm, ok? Let have a ‘cool’ talk with him. Don’t let your emotional side get on the way. I reminded myself.

Finally, Hoya stood in front of me. We stared at each other for a while, feeling lost at what we should do. It has been a long time since the last time we see each other in a proper way, hence we didn’t know what to say to each other.

I coughed in attempt to break the awkward atmosphere around us.

“Welcome home,” I smiled lightly. “Do you wanna eat now?”

He scratched his head hesitantly.

“Ehm… Actually, I have eaten dinner with my colleagues just now.” His answer hurt me a little.

I already told him that we’ll have dinner together. Didn’t he get it that I wanna eat with him? I thought disappointedly. But I tried my best to mask my disappointment and flashed him a little smile. But he still go home even after he had dinner… Does that mean, he already knew my intention, then?

“Oh, well… In that case, can you sit down? I have something to say to you,” I gestured him to sit on the couch beside me. He followed my request to sit, but he sat across of me instead. Another disappointment punched my heart.

Keep it cool, Sanghee. Once again, I calmed myself.

A moment of silence engulfed us. Eventually, Hoya broke it.

“So… What is it?” He asked me while looking down to the floor.

I mustered all my courage before answered him, “It’s about us. It’s about our family.” I was looking straight at him. “It includes your relationship with Jung Eunji.”

He let out a deep sigh.

“I knew it,” he said softly.

“Excuse me?” I asked him, surprised with his answer.

“As soon as I got your text this morning, I knew that you are going to talk about this,” Hoya replied me. He lifted his eyes and stared at me back. “Eunji has told me about your meeting with her yesterday.”

That information slightly made my face change.

“Oh,” was my simple response to him. “Then, how do you see it?”

Hoya was quiet after for a moment.

“What did she tell you?” He asked me back.

It was my turn to be quiet. I was contemplated to tell him about all details of our emotional meeting, before decided to tell him just the important points.

“Basically, she told me about her life, and about you guys in her perspective,” I answered him, still in deep thought. “She told me about the moment you guys had to break up, the following days of how she struggled to find her right man, until you guys met up again in a meeting.”

I inhaled deeply before continued.

“She told me about your agreement –yes, Hoya. I know that you’ve agreed to her condition in exchange of the bailout for your company,” I said to him when he widened his eyes, clearly shocked with my words. “But the most important part is,” I looked directly at his eyes, “she told me that she won’t back off your relationship. That she won’t leave you. Not again.”

I chuckled bitterly and looked away.

“What a…” I gulped the urge to call Eunji as a shameless woman. “…stubborn woman, eh? She knew that I’m your legal wife, but she still said that things right onto my face bravely,” I shook my head in disapproval. I looked at Hoya again when he said nothing after that.

“So… What do you think?” I asked him again, tried to act casually. “Will you let her stay true to her words? Or will you leave her?”

Hoya continued to stare at the floor. Almost reluctantly, he lifted his head and stared at me back.

“Sanghee-ya,” he started, “I’m sorry. But I don’t think I can let her go.”

I stared at him with wide eyes.

“Say what?” I had to make it sure that I heard things right.

“I said,” Hoya took a deep exhale. “I’m not going to leave Eunji.”

I continue to stare at him, feeling dumbfounded.

“Hoya,” I called him cautiously. “You still remember that you have a legal wife, right?” I asked him in an astonished tone. “And what do you think your wife feeling, when you declared to her, that you won’t leave your mistress? Have you ever thought of my feeling at all?” Tears started to brim in my eyes.

Clearly, I was hurt. What kind of woman wouldn’t be hurt when her husband told her that?

Hoya looked away, refused to meet eyes with me.

“You can’t be with her,” I stated shakily. “You can’t be with her, Hoya…” Unconsciously, my tone turned to plead. “You have your own wife Hoya… You have me. And you have your own children to take care with me… Please,” I choked on my tears, “leave her… Leave her and come back to me, to our family… We still can make it work. Think about Heeyoun and Minwoo. I’m willing to forget about everything and starting over with you… Just, please… Leave Jung Eunji… Please, Hoya…” I was in the verge of breaking down.

Hoya shifted in his seat and glanced at me uneasily, before gave his fully gaze to me.

“I’ll be honest with you, Sanghee-ya. Actually, I doubt our marriage from the start,” His sudden statement shook me badly. I grabbed the edge of the couch I was sitting at, trying so hard to hold my self.

Hoya’s eyes showed me pain and sorry, before he continued his words.

“Both of us know that our marriage isn’t based of love. But believe me, when I said back then that I would learn to love you, I really did try it.” His tone seemed to convince me. “Beside, you’re so easy to be loved, Sanghee. You’re basically everything that every man wishes to find on his spouse. So, I convinced myself, falling in love with you will be a piece of a cake. And I did it successfully. I did fall in love with you to some extent. And I was happy when I realized that the feeling was mutual, that you loved me as well. I thought, our marriage could work out, because since then, we loved each other and we tried our best to give our all in this marriage genuinely, without any force. And that was how Heeyoun and Minwoo born. They were made from our love towards each other.”

Hoya took a deep breath.

“But even so, Sanghee… There’s always this… ‘hole’ inside my heart,” Hoya said uncertainly. “I didn’t know what it was either. I mean, how could I feel empty when I already have everything in me? I have a perfect wife, adorable children, happy family life, and a promising carrier. What else did I need?” His eyes looked wander. “Still, the ‘hole’ was laying there. It still occupied some corner of my heart no mater how hard I tried to fill it. Eventually, I gave up. I told myself to just ignore it. I convinced myself that eventually, that ‘hole’ will fill itself someday. So I continued to live my life happily and forget about that unknown hole in the corner of my heart.”

Hoya sighed again before shook his head, as if he was trying to snap out off his trance.

“But a year ago, when I met Eunji again, I finally knew it.” He shot me an apologizing look. “The reason why I always feel the ‘hole’ inside my heart, the answer that finally filled the emptiness in my heart… It’s her.” He torn his eyes away from mine. Good thing, because by then, tears already fell rapidly down my cheeks. “It’s Eunji, Sanghee… It’s because no matter I tried hard to move on with you, deep inside my heart, I still love her. In my unconsciousness, I still hoped to be back with her again. Hence, I’m sorry, Sanghee… I’m truly sorry… But, If you asked me to leave her,” He stared at me with such a determination in his eyes. “I can’t do it.”

At this moment, I was emotionally wrecked. Tears continued to fall endlessly from my eyes.

Hurt.

Surprised.

Disbelieved.

Betrayed.

Hurt again…

My feeling was in total mess.

But by the time I spoke to him, I tried my best to control my voice.

“Then, what about me?” My voice wavered from the flood of my emotion. “What about me, Lee Howon?”

Hoya uttered no words.

“Tell me,” I demanded. “Do you still love me now?”

Again, Hoya stayed still.

I let out a hysterical laugh between my tears, slightly losing my self’s control.

“Lee Howon,” I called him again. “If you have to choose between her and me, what’s your answer?”

At this question, Hoya finally gave a response.

“Sanghee-ya,” His voice sounded pleading. “Sanghee-ya, please don’t be like this.”

“No,” I shook my head firmly. “It’s you who shouldn’t be like this.” I glared at him. “If my previous question was too difficult to you, I’m going to ask the simpler one. If you have to leave Jung Eunji, will you or will you not?”

Hoya opened his mouth. But before he could voice his answer, I cut him off.

“Think again before you answer it,” I slightly commanded. “Think again about our once happy family, about our children, about us,” I said sternly to him. “Remember that your answer could change everything, Hoya. So, please… Make a wise decision.”

There was a momentary silent when Hoya seemed to think about all the possibilities seriously. When he finally opened his mouth again, I tensed in my seat because of anticipation.

“I…” He started. He seemed hesitant for a moment when his eyes met mine, but I saw the same determination flashed in his eyes not so long after that. “I can’t leave Eunji. I’m sorry, Sanghee-ya.”

With his words, the last tiny hope inside me was totally extinct. I let my self slumped down on the back of the couch.

So, this is it? More tears were dropping while I stayed silent. After the twenty years of our marriage, he still chose his mistress over his family? Over me?

I felt the urged to scream the agony inside my heart, to curse at both of Hoya and Eunji and crying my heart out at the moment. But fortunately, my sanity was still there. And my dignity obviously restrained me to do so. So, I forced myself to stay composed, to not break down… At least, not in front of Hoya.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in attempt to calm myself. When I re-opened them, I muster all the things that leaved in me to continue my talk with Hoya.

“If you are so eager to be with her,” I said tiredly, felt the energy drained from my body, “if you are so stubbornly hold into her and can’t let her go,” I toughened myself, “…then let me go.”

Hoya seemed stunned with my words.

“Lee Howon,” I let my next words rolling out of my tongue smoothly.

“Let’s get divorced.”

A/N: Guuuyyyyyssssssss~ >.< *hug you all*

How are you, lovely readers? :D *hug you again*

As you can see here, finally! I’m able to update this ff again! :’D *put a dramatic song here*

And finally, the is come~ But, be prepared! There’s more drama to come~ :D *drum rolls*

Oh, btw… My final exams result will be announced at this Friday! >.< And although I’m dying to know my results, when I remembered that I messed up in my Mathematic’s exam… All of sudden, Friday the December 14^th, 2012 becomes my dreading day .___. *bend over in my blanket, depressed* /in drama queen mode/

Anyway, wish me luck for the results, guys! >.<

And how is this long chapter? :3 I hope it make it up the long hiatus I took! :)