Originally posted by kimtaehyungstongue

’what are you doing right now?'

In the middle of the street, I have to snicker when Jungkook sends me a photo of himself with a sad pout on his face the caption reading. ’I miss you'

I tell him that the feeling is mutual and that I’m meeting up with Lee. ‘we’re having a date'

’date? I’m not here and you’re having a date?'

’don’t be jealous, I did visit you in Japan'

’I’m not' 

Absentmindedly walking up the steps to Lee’s apartment complex, I almost trip when he sends me a video. I watch it and he looks really cute with his round eyes but he is saying something, I hold the speaker of the phone to my ear and a smile spreads. “________-ah, please go on a date with me.”

I’m about to respond that we’ll see when he is back but stop when I feel someone approaching me from the back. Expecting it to be Lee, I turn around with a smile but then drop it when I see an unfamiliar girl standing behind me.

“Oh, I apologize.” I must have been blocking the way, no wonder she looks upset. But even after I have stepped to the side, she still follows me with her eyes. Maybe she doesn’t know the way. “Do you need anything?”

She raises her eyebrow. “Ya, you’re really shameless.”

“Excuse me?” I am more than just taken aback by her use of informal language. She might be older than me but it’s still rude because we didn’t know each other.

“I said,” she pushes against my shoulder harshly, making me stagger because I hadn’t expected it. “That you’re a shameless .”

“Y-ya,” I push her hand away, the adrenaline in my blood causing me to act braver. “Don’t touch me, who are you even?”

“You don’t need to know who I am.” Her menacing eyes are directed at me and only at me. “I warned you, I warned you multiple times but you just won’t give in.”

“Warning? What warning? What are you talking about?” She was creeping me out with her cryptic words and her aggravated stance. “D-do I know you?”

“You,” suddenly her eyes glaze over, anger taking over as she grabs my arm forcefully, pulling me up against her so I have no other choice but to stare at her face. “You have the nerve to be so impudent and naive. I’m going to ruin you, don’t even think for one second that you’ll have a happy moment with him ever again.”

Realization hits hard. The stalker who had been sending me all these creepy and weird notes, it’s her. “Let me go, you’re hurting me.” For a girl, she was surprisingly strong.

“You’re not even denying it. I hate people like you. Only thinking about yourself, so selfish, what does he see in you?” She spits out and I can’t help but get irritated, even though I should be frightened and not provoke her any more.

“Will you let go now? This is assault, if you don’t let go I will—”

“Are you threatening me? I gave you fair warning to back off.” Her eyes, as if possible get even bigger and wilder as she lifts her hand getting ready to strike. “How dare you, you trash.”

I cower away and flinch, my eyes shutting out of reflex but before her hand can hit me I hear Lee’s voice right next to me.

“Are you crazy?!” I open my eyes to find Lee having caught the girls hand, preventing it from hurting me. “How dare you come to someone else's home with the intention to harm them?”

“Get out of my way!” The girl erupts and in one swift motion swings Lee away towards the steps.

“Lee!” My heart drops when I see Lee tumbling down the steps. “Lee?”

The sasaeng grabs my shoulders when I move to get to Lee’s lifeless form. “Listen, and listen well, if you keep insisting on being with him, your friend won’t be the only one getting hurt.”

The worry and angst exploding within me, I scream and push her away. “Get away from us!”

I fall to the ground next to Lee who wasn’t moving and take my phone out to call an ambulance, remembering in my hysterical condition not to touch her as I might make it worse. Sobbing into my hands, I pray.

Please, God, just this once help me.

~ ~ ~

Hours later, I find myself sitting next to Joon and Lee’s parents outside the emergency hall waiting for any news. They had asked us to wait outside as today seemed like a busy day for them and we would only be in the way. When the doctor emerges calling out Lee's full name we all spring to our feet. “Are you her family?”

“We are her family.” Lee’s mother stands up in an instant. “How is my daughter?”

“We have good news and bad news.” My heart sinks. No, please, not Lee.

“She is awake and it seems like the minor concussion hasn’t caused any damage, that’s the good news. The bad news is when she fell, her hand got fractured, a vital nerve got clamped. We still have to undertake more tests but her hand might never work as efficiently as it used to anymore. Only time will tell.”

“What does that mean only time will tell?” I ask at the thought of her never being able to play the violin again.

“She will have to undergo therapy, it’s a half-half situation. But for now, she needs rest. We’ll be bringing her to her room in a moment.”

“Can we see her today?” Lee’s father questions, his hand on his wife’s shoulder who is crying silently.

“Yes, of course. She’s been asking for you.” The doctor surprisingly looks at me. “You’re her best friend, right?”

Lee had asked for me? The person who is responsible for all of this? Tears fill my vision as I think of how I’ve ruined her life.

My phone vibrates in my hand again. It’s Jungkook. The urge to answer the call is overwhelming, wanting, no, needing more than anything to hear the comfort of his voice. But that seemed like such a dangerous idea now, even the sheer thought of him seemed like it will be known by the stalker.

Your friend won’t be the only one getting hurt.

My heart stops a beat as this one terrifying threat keeps replaying over and over again. I can see my hands trembling through my blurred vision.

“Aren’t you going to answer?” I jump when Joon’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

“Huh?” I look up at him, a tear escapes, my vision clears but my mind doesn’t. Even less so my conscience.

Joon looks at me for a second then frowns and pulls me into his arms. I feel terrible because these are not the arms I wanted around me. Then I feel ashamed for thinking that because Joon was trying to comfort me and here I am selfishly thinking of Jungkook.

She’s right. I really am shameless and selfish.

~ ~ ~

I stand up from my seat when Lee's mother comes out with an unreadable expression. “How is she?” Joon asks when I’m too guilty to do so.

Lee’s mother glances at him and then gestures towards the door. “She is asking for you.” When Joon goes to walk in, I follow him but her mother speaks up. “________, can I have a word with you?”

Joon turns to look at me, I nod for him to go on in and once he is gone I can feel the anger rolling off from Lee’s mother. I lower my head, ashamed.

“I want you to stay away from my daughter.” My gaze shoots to her in shock. I had expected for her to scream at me, to cry and blame it on me but not for her to demand this. I didn’t even know what to say, I was speechless. “She will never be able to play the violin again.”

The tears sting as they gather behind my eyes at the news. Never again? Playing the violin is Lee’s passion ever since she was little.

“I don’t care why this happened.” I look at her briefly but then drop my eyes when I see the animosity coming from her eyes. “All I know is that ever since you joined SOPA, Lee’s academic values have been getting worse.”
I lower my head feeling at fault as Lee had indeed spent hours just being with me because I had found it so hard to cope with school.
“I’ve tried tolerating you.” The next words make the tears fall. “Especially because of your mother. But this is too much. Your mother should have taught you not to drag other people down with you unlike her.”

It feels like she was physically stabbing a knife into my heart. “I don’t care if you insult me but don’t you dare talk like that about my mother,” I say firmly trying not to choke on my words. “She is already dead, there is no need to even mention her in this conversation. My mother was an admiring woman, I’d be lucky if I turn out half as wonderful as she was.”

She is silent for a long moment, she sighs. “I beg of you, please, at least until the school year is over, this could ruin her life forever, please understand from a mother’s perspective.”

She sounded desperate now, and all of a sudden I could understand her. 

Ruin her life forever. Yeah, I guess that’s what I do to people in my life.

Turning around I walk away without saying a thing or a second glance, instead, I round the corner and start to run until I feel like I’m running away from life.

* * * * *

“Yes, I’m alright, just tired.”

“Why are you tired? You don’t have work nor school.” My brother yawns through the line.

“I’m always tired. Just like you.” My voice sounded rough and my throat felt sore. I had been crying a lot lately.

“Are you sure you’re alright.” I hear my brother sighing. “Just give me the word and I’m back on the plane.”

For a second, I consider the option, but then shake my head and feel like hitting myself for even thinking about it. Lee’s mother is right, I am dragging other people down with me. “No. I’m good, just nervous for school to start.”

I’d locked myself in for so many days that it was getting anxious to even think of school and Lee and Joon... and Jungkook.

“Don’t worry you have your friends. They have your back.”

Not too sure about that anymore. Lee had stopped calling me two days ago. It had broken my heart to ignore her knowing very well that she probably needed me, but the guilt had drowned out every rational thought.

I am such a coward.

“Yeah,” I remember to respond before my brother realizes something isn’t right. “I need to go now. Need to get some groceries.” It’s the first time for me to lie in years. I felt terrible doing so but the longer I talked to him the more I felt like crying and revealing everything right on the spot.

“Alright, then, Baby Sister. And don’t even think of having your boyfriend over without me.”

I know he was kidding, but instead of a smile, I feel a sharp pain in the pit of my heart because having Jungkook here right now sounded like such an impossible thing. “Don’t worry, I won’t.”

“Alright then, I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I sigh in relief when he hangs up, at least I was able to not pull him into this mess I had created. My brother’s success was not going to suffer because of me. I was going to make sure of that.

I’m not going to ruin any more lives.

Brrr. Brrr. Brrr.

With a dreadful feeling, I glance at the screen. Jungkook.

Brrr. Brrr. Brrr.

My fingers longingly reach out for my phone but then I snap out of it and pull my fingers back. Tears brim my eyes, as the caller ID photo continues to flash. His face, his smile, his eyes.

He’s probably worried sick because just like Lee I had ignored his calls as well. Once you ignore someone’s call it’s hard not to the next time they call.
Every time he does, the memories of the stalker come flashing in my mind, her words making me shiver as cold sweat would run down my spine. One time turns into a second time and then a third and a fourth, because how do you explain? I didn’t want to lie to him. And now, I don’t know how many times I’ve ignored his calls.

Even not doing anything, I’m affecting people in a negative way. My existence seems to be enough to cause that domino effect. I’ve become such a failure. Hopeless and useless.

I look away from the phone heaving silently and see Kookie Bear next to me. Another set of memories flash before me. They’re brighter and are filled with the sound of his laughter. I press my hand against my mouth when I hear myself sobbing.

Pulling the cover over my head, the only comfort I can find is in Kookie Bear as I squeeze him to myself and cry myself into exhaustion. Will I ever be able to create happy memories with him again? Or maybe the question to ask is, should I even?

* * * * *

The next days were spend convincing myself to get out of this sanctuary I’ve created for myself. Joon had stopped by every day to check up on me and had even dragged me out to get some fresh air. We had ended up at the hospital, visiting Lee while her mother was at work. That visit was filled with tears and hugs, she hadn’t been angry at me at all, more worried knowing how I am.

Jungkook? He too had stopped calling me, knowing that I won’t answer. I wonder what he thinks of me? I, myself, have driven us to be this distant. Only I could be blamed. I was the sole perpetrator. I did this to myself.

School had started too and without Lee, it felt like I was battling the world. Stepping into school had been nerve wrecking, I hadn’t thought of other people finding out about our relationship until I had already set foot on the campus.

What if the entire school treats me the same way the stalker did?

With my head lowered, I had maneuvered myself through the students and met up with Joon. “You know, I haven’t heard a thing,” Joon says suddenly after giving me a quick hug.

“No?” I glance around expecting people to be looking at me with distaste but they were all just minding their own business.

“No, I guess it was only that one crazy person.” I shudder involuntarily at the mention of her. “Jungkook is here by the way.”

“What?” He is here? At school? Everything in me freezes. Joon nods. “I-I need to go.”

“Where are you going? He’s at the administrative office. He will be back in a second.”

“Please?” I beg him. “Don’t tell him that you saw me.” For some reason, tears well up and I feel myself returning into that hole that I had secluded myself into the past week. Why am I reacting like that? It’s just Jungkook. Why am I so scared to come face to face with him?

I could tell that Joon wanted to reassure me that everything is alright. But for me it isn’t, nothing ever will be, that’s the problem and nothing could ever mend that. Someone I love suffered the consequences of my actions.

Paranoid, I look around me fearing to find that one face in the crowd of students. I never thought about the possibility of her being a student here. Horror fills my mind, this is all just a disaster. I was too careless all this time.

“See you later,” I say and then rush away, avoiding everything and everyone.

~ ~ ~

I’m about to step on the bus when someone pulls me back by my arm. My immediate reaction is to recoil expecting it to be the girl but when nothing happens I open my eyes to find Jungkook standing in front of me.

“________-ie, why are you—?” He stops when he raises his hand to my face and I flinch away. His shoulders drop. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m sorry,” I say timidly, unable to come up with an excuse.

I hear him sigh. “Will you at least look at me?” It takes me a moment to lift my gaze from his chest up to his eyes but then lower it again when I remember her. 
Frustrated, Jungkook steps back. “Lee told me what happened. Do you know how worried I was?”

My heart constricts. He sounds so bewildered and hurt at the same time and it’s all just because of me. “I’m sorry.”

Jungkook runs his fingers through his hair like he never does. It shows how frustrated he is. “You know I always hated how you keep apologizing.”
The word 'hate’ makes my heart drop. It almost makes me think that he hates me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I-I…” Nothing will be able to justify my actions but he deserves an explanation at least. “I didn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.”

“No one will.” He tries to reassure me but I laugh with no trace of humor left.

“How can you know, Oppa? Lee was hurt because of me.” My hand balls into fists at the memory engraved into my brain of Lee lifelessly collapsed on the floor. “My relationship with you caused this reaction from someone who should be supporting you. But they end up harming my friend instead. It’s something that will never heal again.”

“I wish you would have told me sooner so—”

“So what?” I’m far too emotional to see that I’m starting to put the blame on him. My own selfishness disguising the fact that I’m being unreasonable. “There is nothing that you can do. You cannot protect me and I cannot protect the few people I have left in my life. This is out of our control.”

“Don’t worry about this now, I—” Jungkook tries to take my hands but I shake him off, close to hysterics.

“How can I not? Every second that I’m in public with you, I worry that someone will see or worse, what if the same stalker sees and goes crazy again. What if she stalks you instead of me?” I burst out, the words flowing freely now. “I don’t want to avoid you, I wish I could run into your arms like I always do but I just can’t have you or anyone get hurt because of me.'' My eyes are filled with unspilled tears as I pour my heart out.
"I’m sorry that I’m acting like this and I’m sorry that it sounds like I’m putting the blame on you and making you feel guilty because I’m not trying to. I’ve never felt so scared and paranoid before in my life and I keep worrying people, dragging them with me into this, and all of this is making me hate myself for that. I just—” I break off sobbing into my hand unable to look at him. The emotions and words I’ve been keeping in for the last week making me experience a breakdown.

I take a deep shaky breathe and look around again. It’s a subconscious thing now, I can’t even control myself.

“________,” my gaze moves over to him with hesitation. “Let’s break up.”

I blink slowly feeling like I was in a trance, taken aback completely. I look at my feet when I see his beaten expression. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Anyone else would see me and turn away, I should have expected this. For him to have any interest in me was a miracle in itself. I had driven us to this.

“Ok.” I almost whisper.

From this angle, I see his fingers curling into fists, clenching tightly. “That’s all you have to say?” I press my lips shut and try to keep it together because no, I wanted to beg but wouldn’t that make him feel even more burdensome towards me? I’d already done enough.

I nod, a sob escaping and flinch when Jungkook turns away from me and slams his fist against the glass. The impact causing the whole box to vibrate. Seeing his shoulders heave up and down in anger, I move to go to him but he turns his head making me halt right there.

Jungkook’s eyes, I’d never seen them like this, the resentment in them was unmistakable, and I was taken aback to see them directed at me. It made me hate myself, having put that look into someone who always looks so radiant with joy when he smiled and laughed. I sure deserve all the hate.

Tears gather in my eyes when he turns and walks away without a second glance.

Slowly, without any reserve left in me, I sink to the ground not caring about anything else but the fact that I had just hurt him intentionally, even though I had wanted to protect him from any harm.

So that’s how it ends.

It’s true when people say that happiness always finds an ending. Because at the end of the day someone always messes up.

* * * * * *

 

a few months later…

 

“Don’t go!” Lee’s arms are wrapped around me tightly. “Don’t leave me alone with him!”

I laugh at Joon’s expression when she says that. “He’s your boyfriend, you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, be careful what you say, Lee. That boyfriend can make your life terrible.”

I glare at him. “If I hear anything bad coming from Lee about you I’ll fly right back to beat you up.”

He is amused at my 'scary’ threat. “You do that.”

“All passengers of Flight 901 to Tokyo,…”

“Nooo!” Lee cries, making other people look at us.

I wrap my arms around her. “I won’t be gone forever. I’ll visit.”

“You better.” She pouts at me. “I’ll come hunting you down if you don’t.”

“You’re always welcome to Lee.” Dropping her arms, she then nods at Joon.

“I want a hug, too.” Smiling, I step into his arms. “I’ll make sure to get the letter to him.” He says lowly and squeezes me tight.

Something tugs at my heart at the mention of him. “Thank you, Joon. For everything.”

Joon pats my back. “Don’t worry about it, that’s what friends are here for.”

I’m not sure simple friends would take care of you like that. What I know for sure though is that these two are like family I wouldn’t want to exchange for anything in the world. They had helped me heal, even though they had some healing to do on their own.

“________-ie, we need to go now.” My brother who had been watching silently interrupts our moment.

“One last hug,” I say and pull Lee into the circle of arms. “I love you two.”

“Ya, don’t say that, Idiot. You’ll make me cry.” Lee was already sniffling slightly. “But yeah, I love you, too.”

After a few seconds, Lee and I look up at Joon simultaneously.

“What?” He asks when we glare at him. “Ok, ok, I love you, too.”

I snicker and hug them tighter then let go and join my brother. “Take care, you two, and if you happen to get married please invite me.”

“What the, you’ll be gone for a few years only not a decade.”

“Still,” I wave at them. “Just keep me informed.”

Seeing them together makes my heart tighten, but I shake my head not letting my thoughts drift to him. Because we had both decided to go our own ways, taking our own paths. I hope he knows that I will always love him.

No one knows what the future brings but whatever happens Jungkook will forever have a very special place in my heart.

 

THE END

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~~~~~
.....eh hehe sorry?

So, I wanted to post the ending before I leave for vacation which got me all stressed because EVERYONE SUDDENLY WANTS ME TO BRING STUFF FOR THEM WHEN THEY HAD THEIR OWN LUGGAGE *HEAVY BREATHING* anyway.... I'm going to be gone from tomorrow on, I mean I will still be on tumblr if anyone wants to contact me or maybe check out the bonus parts for this fanfic. I unfortunately didn't have enough time to post these here too....
I know this ending probably is going to make you sad but please if you haven't noticed, click on the question mark, I attached a link to a post I made earlier about my thoughts and feelings about this ending and hopefully it can cheer you up if you read between the lines hehe ^^

Thank you for reading until now! I will post more fanfics once I'm back!!! ~K

(idk if I should mark this as complete bc of the bonus chapters... I guess this is pretty complete..?)