n o v e m b e r
OPERATION: LOVE
Gripping the steering wheel of his parked car, Jinyoung puffed his cheeks, exhaling one last time before coming out. Except a last huff of breath wasn’t enough to ready his nerves. There’s no reason for Jinyoung to be nervous, though, he’d done this many times before. It should be easy by now, except it’s not.
Looking over to his right, he could clearly see Mark’s jet-black Infiniti chillin’ as if mocking the raven-haired agent's master plan. Mark always come home earlier than Jinyoung since the E.C.I. doesn’t have much to do except for tedious paperworks. That’s why dinner was always ready whenever Jinyoung comes home.
“Welcome home, sweetheart,” Mark greeted like he usually does and pecked Jinyoung’s cheek. As much as Jinyoung wanted to return the kiss, he remained unfazed and gave Mark a curt nod instead. Mark was still smiling, “dinner’s ready. I’ll wait for you.”
Jinyoung casually waltzed pass his husband and made his way upstairs. Before he even reached his bed, Jinyoung had already started shedding off his clothes, throwing them somewhere on the floor, knowing that Mark's probably going to pick them up anyway. He didn’t shower for long despite his reluctant desire of avoiding seeing Mark’s ridiculously handsome face.
When Jinyoung was done and walking downstairs, Mark was already seated and, of course, waiting patiently. Jinyoung did not return Mark’s smile. The younger isn’t going to break character now. He needs to stick to the plan. And so, they eat in silence. Jinyoung lowkey wanted Mark to just say something, anything; he was aching to ask Mark the usual, “how was your day, baby?” But he didn’t because reasons.
After they were done, Jinyoung helped Mark cleaned up without opening his mouth once. And then, Jinyoung opted to sit on the couch, curling up against it with a blanket warmly draped over his tall form. Normally, he’ll be curling up in Mark’s lap. But not today because reasons.
Jinyoung watched Mark doing the dishes and thought about how nice that back would feel pressing up against his chest right now. God, Youngjae’s ing right. Jinyoung is pathetic. It hasn’t even been long and Jinyoung already wants to give in. And it does not help one bit that Mark is now approaching him with a smug smile and bedroom eyes. . Youngjae is also right on this one, too; Mark is a natural seducer.
“Jinyoungie,” Mark softly called. The said male shivered a bit under the comfort of his blanket. Of course, nothing goes unnoticed by the Mark Tuan. “Wanna go to bed?”
Jinyoung looked up at Mark, badly trying to maintain a cold stare, desperately trying to prove that he’s not wavered by how low and y that simple question sounded in his ears. But Jinyoung gulped because reasons. Unavoidable reasons. Yet he didn’t uttered a single word.
Mark’s eyes were still soft and gentle as the older male leaned down, placing his face perfectly couple of inches away from Jinyoung’s. In a calming voice, he said, “fine. Let us see how long can you last knowing that I’ll be lying up there, in bed, waiting for you.” Mark offered a smile, half-teasing, half-predatoric, “, baby. I’ll be waiting with absolute nothing on.” Jinyoung’s eyes widen uncontrollably. Mark smirked, “that’s right. Let’s see how long can you hold yourself off from ing me all night.”
And with that Mark walked off, heading upstairs, but didn’t miss the chance to unnecessarily took off his shirt and threw it over the railing of the staircase, leaving Jinyoung to stare hungrily at the exposed flesh.
Jinyoung tugged his blanket closer up to his chin. He tried so hard to calm down, but he’s very much right now and it’s just not fair! Everything that left Mark’s mouth went straight to his southern region. All he wanted to do at the moment was to fly up the stairs and punish Mark in all the worse ways possible. Not that Jinyoung was having fantasies or anything like that… Or maybe he did… Well, like, it’s pretty hot to have Mark unfolds underneath him so… Mark usually tops, so, of course, Jinyoung would be greedy whenever he’s been given a chance to-
Shaking his head, Jinyoung determinedly sat still on the couch. I. WILL. NOT. MOVE. FROM. HERE. NO MATTER HOW ING INSANELY RIDICULOUSLY ABLE MARK LOOKS. NO MATTER HOW ING BEAUTIFUL HE LOOKS IN THAT ED HAIR. OH MY GOD HOW THE DID HE MANAGED TO DO THAT ANYWAYS. GOD HAVE MERCY. I DON’T DESERVE THIS. PLEASE GIVE ME THE STRENGTH. I CANNOT-
Ripping the blanket off of him, Jinyoung frustratedly paced upstairs. Mark was reading a book when Jinyoung bursted open the door of their bedroom. And he was, indeed, . Well, Mark was covered, except for his torso, but it’s pretty obvious that those were his pants that’s been abandoned on the floor. Jinyoung wasted no time and hopped onto Mark’s lap, straddling him. The raven-haired hastily, but carefully, bookmarked the page his husband was reading and set the book on top of the nightstand. Jinyoung looked down at Mark, whose eyes were looking up expectantly but not without a bit of arrogance.
“I hate you,” Jinyoung pouted.
Mark smiled as he pecked Jinyoung’s lips, “Mmmhmm, love you, too, baby.”
Leaning down Jinyoung captured Mark’s inviting lips, “I hate you,” he murmured against them. “Hate you,” Jinyoung whispered after another kiss. “Hate you so much,” Jinyoung said as he bit down on his husband’s bottom lip, causing the male to hiss in surprise. “You lied to me and I should be mad at you. I should hate you. I ing hate you but God I want to you so bad. So ing bad. Let me you, please.”
Can’t wait for Mark’s reply, Jinyoung’s hand had already slipped under the blanket and grabbed harshly onto Mark’s hard member, beginning to slowly as his mouth swallowed Mark’s little moans.
“I’m yours, Jinyoung,” Mark barely said through hitched breaths, “do whatever you want.”
and possessively gazing his teeth on the flesh of his husband’s neck, Jinyoung gently pulled Mark down, allowing the older’s back to lie comfortably on the fluffy mattress. Jinyoung continues leaving kisses as he travels downwards, worshiping every inch of Mark’s smooth skin. The sounds that escaped Mark’s lips worked wonders to Jinyoung’s ego. Especially that desperate whine that Mark makes when Jinyoung suddenly stops, his lips ghosting over Mark’s .
“Goddamn it, Jinyoung. Get on with it,” Mark squirmed, the burning impatience and excitement build up inside him. “Such a ing tease.”
Jinyoung his lips, smirking confidently as he firmly held down his husband’s eager hips, “liars should be punished, don’t you agree, babe?”
*
*
*
Jaebum could only assumes two things: Mark’s phone was dead, or he’s busy ing Jinyoung. The Captain decided to go with the latter since Mark always have his phone on full charge and because at this hour, it’s safe to say that they’re busy ‘making love’ and whatnot. Jaebum sighed, what a healthy love life.
He wanted to call Mark so the agent could come back and help him finish up these paperworks. Jaebum did try calling Jinyoung, but again, ing usually involves two people, so, not much progress there.
Hungry and slightly grumpy, Jaebum left his office and headed down to the building’s cafeteria, hoping to find some ramen or something and make himself a cup of coffee. Knowing he’ll probably be staying a bit late, Jaebum had called and Youngjae and apologized that they have to cancel their dinner date tonight. Obviously, Youngjae just waved it off, saying it’s fine and that Jaebum should focus on finishing his work, which is an understatement because all Jaebum could think about today was how sincere those words sounded as they slipped out between Youngjae’s lips. And bonus being they slept together, all cuddled up and . Jaebum smiled happily to himself. Youngjae was so cute.
As he waited for his coffee to brew, Jaebum looked around, finally noticing how empty the place was. He realized it’s must have been really late. Most people have already left. Well, except for him, maybe a few other agents, and the night-shift security guards.
“I’m so tired,” Jaebum sighed, again, for what seems like the millionth time. All the agent wanted to do was to go home and sleep, preferably next to a certain doctor, but people don’t need to know that.
Rubbing his eyes with his hand, Jaebum’s patience slowly drops. “Why the hell does it take so ing long?!” Frustrated with the slow coffee machine, Jaebum clicked his tongue in annoyance and turned it off by pulling the plug right off the plugger.
Coming to the final conclusion that life officially , Jaebum decided to head back to his office empty-handed. On his way, though, his sharp hearing picked up distant chatterings. One out of the two was a bit above the inside voice, sounded like a suppressed shout. Jaebum halted and puts his hand on the handle of his gun, which is secured tightly in the holster that hung around to his back on the belt made specially for hanging or holding weapons. Taking light steps, Jaebum headed towards the directions of the voices. He was expecting some thieves who’s trying to break in, but what he was greeted with was the last thing Jaebum wanted to witness.
Standing face-to-face was Youngjae and Suzy. Why the hell is Youngjae here? What the hell is he doing here? Is he here to see Suzy? Part of Jaebum panics because he didn’t expected this. And the other part of him was just growling with pure possessiveness and unexplainable anger.
They seemed to be in a very serious conversation. Youngjae looked tired and something else that Jaebum couldn’t possible point out. Suzy, on the other hand, regret and sadness were written all over her face; it doesn’t take a fool to know that she was relived to see Youngjae; it also doesn’t take an idiot to know that she wants him to take her back.
Now, Im Jaebum was never the type to eavesdrop. However, it’s hard not to when one, it involves Choi Youngjae, and two, Jaebum’s heart clenched painfully when he clearly heard the pent up frustration and brokenness as the doctor shouted through his strained voice and dried tears,
“YOU ING LEFT ME AT THE ALTAR!”
*
*
*
If there was anything in this world that could be compared to the way Choi Youngjae was feeling right now, it would be nothing. This is it. Today is the day. There’s no words to describe how long Youngjae has been waiting for this day.
Standing in front of the huge mirror of the groom’s room, Youngjae’s shaking hands attempted to fix his navy tie for the fourth time. The doctor-in-training stared at his reflection. He was outrageously handsome today. The stylish had done an amazing job. Dressed in a white button-up, black slacks, deep blue tuxedo jacket, and a navy tie, Youngjae smiled at how much the outfit matches his style so much.
“Youngjae!” Entered an excited voice of none other than his best friend, Park Jinyoung. Youngjae spun around and flashed a smile to which Jinyoung softly responded with a fatherly smile. “Well, look at you. So captivating.”
“Thanks,” Youngjae scratched his nape.
Jinyoung made his way over and had his hands steadily working on straightened out his best friend’s tie. Youngjae sighed as he stood still. “Hyung, I… I don’t think I can do this…”
“Don’t say that,” Jinyoung cooed, although there’s a bit of an edge in the newly promoted agent’s voice. “You’ll do fine. You’ve always wanted this, remember?”
“I-I-I know, but oh, my God, I’ve been trying to calm down during the past hours and it’s not working!”
“It’s normal to feel this way at your own wedding, Youngjae-ah,” Jinyoung smiled. “I would, too.”
Youngjae looked at Jinyoung and said, “You would, too. Get married, I mean.”
Jinyoung laughed, “I can’t believe my baby brother is getting married before me!”
“Mark is here, right?” Youngjae playfully laced a doubting tone in his question.
“Of course, he’s here,” Jinyoung glared. “Why wouldn’t he be?”
“I don’t know,” Youngjae shrugged, “just thought he was tired of your clingy .”
“Excuse me, I’m not clingy. I’m affectionate. Mark is the clingy one.”
“Whatever. Same thing. Y’all both clingy.”
Jinyoung pouted. Youngjae smirked, feeling a bit less nervous than before. Youngjae has always been grateful to Jinyoung through and through. And now, Mark, too. Since the day he found out about the two’s blossoming love life, Youngjae included Mark as part of the family, too. Youngjae had never seen Jinyoung smile so much before Mark. Nothing could have possibly made the stubborn, extremely-hard-to-pleased, Park Group’s Chairman that happy, but Mark Tuan, of course.
“You know, now that I’m married, we won’t be spending much time with each other. I’ve got a family to take care of,” Youngjae frowned.
“Oh, honey, don’t worry. I’ll be too busy with Mark to be bothered with you.”
Youngjae scoffed, pretended to be hurt by Jinyoung’s sarcastic remark, “wow, our friendship just flew out the window because of one guy? Come on, Mark can’t be more important than me. Bros before hoes.”
“Except Mark isn’t a hoe, and yes, in all honesty, he is somewhat a bit more important than you are. Besides, you got Suzy, so it’s all good.”
“You right,” Youngjae smiled.
A soothing silence took hold of the room. Jinyoung was patiently waiting as he watched Youngjae practicing breathing exercises. It’s a big day for Youngjae. And no matter how much Jinyoung opposed to it, he didn’t say. He knows his Youngjae deserves all the happiness in the world, and if Suzy was the one who could give that to Youngjae, then so be it. The agent would just stand back and bitterly swallow the disapproval.
“Okay,” Youngjae finally said, “I’m ready. Let’s do this.”
Smiling a half-faked smile, Jinyoung gave his best friend a bone-crushing hug, “good luck.”
Youngjae hugged back, appreciative of whatever Jinyoung has ever done for him. And partially regret that he didn’t do much to repay his Best Man’s welcoming kindness. After being released by Jinyoung, Youngjae exited the groom’s room with heavy steps despite his dying nervousness. But the nerves sprung back to life again as Youngjae reached the reception room. He smiled and waved at everyone who stood up and applaud him as Youngjae made his way down the aisle. Once he was up there, his hands clasped together, waiting for the magic moment happen, Youngjae caught Mark’s eyes down at one of the closest table to the stage. Mark immediately grinned proudly and playfully winked, lending the fidgety groom some courage.
Internally freaking out, Youngjae’s eyes ever left Mark’s calm and reassuring ones. Mark, of course, held a steady gaze at Youngjae, knowing perfectly well how nerve-wrecking it is for Youngjae. “You can do it,” Mark mouthed and offered a kind smile afterwards. Youngjae only nodded his head slowly in reply, the color gradually drained from his face.
Mark only broke the eye contact when Jinyoung put a hand on his arm, lightly tapping to get his boyfriend’s attention. Youngjae observed the couple and, inevitably, smiling fondly. Choi Youngjae had never witnessed any love as pure and true as those two.
“And now, ladies and gentlemen,” the MC’s voice boomed throughout the huge room, “before the majestic entrance of the bride, how about we raise glass for the groom’s beautiful night?”
Everyone cheered and stood up, glasses in their hands. In the midst of all that, Youngjae had no idea how he’s now holding a glass, too. He was too nervous to care for anything else, but still politely smiled and raised his glass. The smooth texture of the wine slid down Youngjae’s throat, allowing himself to let go of his stiff shoulders and relax his anxious eyes.
“Here we all present at the lovely wedding of Choi Youngjae and Bae Suzy. They have been in love since the beginning of time; since the sun and moon were created; since the stars learned how to sparkle; since Fate had tied them together; since Destiny had drawn out plans for them. And now, these two lovebirds will finally tie the knot and walk to the end of life together.”
Normally,Youngjae would cringe at how cheesy all of that sounded, but now wasn’t the time. He kept on hearing his the obnoxiously loud beating of his excited heart. Other than that, every noises drowned out. This is it. It’s going to happen. It’s finally going to happen.
“Enter the bride-“
A loud thumped of the doubled doors being forced open startled everyone. The MC was confused for a moment at the sudden interruption, because he hasn’t finish his signal. Nonetheless, people thought it was a change of plans. Except no one expected that it was, indeed, a change of plans.
One of the bridesmaid, Im Nayeon, came rushing in, an envelope in her hands, she was pretty, but her eyes were screaming for help, “the bride… Suzy.. She’s.. She’s GONE! She’s not in her room, and her dress was just lying there, and this-this was on the table.”
Gasps and whispers exploded from all corners. Mark immediately left Jinyoung’s side to go check on the bride’s room and maybe on more places. Jinyoung started his way towards a very terrified groom.
Nayeon handed Youngjae the envelope. He looked at her with bewildered eyes and with shaking hands, he accepted the envelope. Youngjae gulped. Inside the envelope was a letter and the ring that Youngjae had proposed to Suzy with. He opened the letter, wishing the explanation that’s written inside could somehow fixed this. Suzy wrote:
I’m sorry.
At that hour, at that minute, at that second, at that vey moment, the heart that was beating stopped beating completely. The feeling of it shattered pierced through Youngjae’s soul. He stood there, on the aisle, alone, frozen in his place, wondering if real love existed. Wondering if he’ll ever be able to mend his heart ever again. Wondering if he’ll ever be strong enough to step forward when everything he had believed in betrayed him in just two simple words.
“Youngjae-ah,” Jinyoung’s soft voice barely reached the young groom’s ears.
“Why?” Youngjae said, voice cracking painfully. His throat felt dry and itchy. Itchy to scream. “W-why? What did I-I-I do?”
Pulling the broken male into a hug, Jinyoung didn’t say anything. Somehow, the agent knew this was going to happen. He just hoped that it wouldn’t. But it did. And if there’s anyone, besides Youngjae, who felt as much as pain, it’s Jinyoung. He regretted not being brave and confronted his best friend about Suzy before things started to get serious between them. He regretted not sitting down with Suzy and talk to her before anything started happening between them. He regretted deciding not to meddle in with their relationship when he was the one who could have saved them both. He regretted it. He regretted all of it.
“I want to get out,” Youngjae whispered, his face buried in his Best Man’s shoulder, “I want to get out of here. I can’t breathe. Please, please, take me out of here.”
“Of course. Let’s get you out,” Jinyoung sighed softly, his voice shaking uncontrollably, “Mark probably has the car ready, so let’s go. You need to get out of here.”
*
*
*
“Why,” Youngjae asked, ignoring the itchy feeling in his throat. “Why would you do that?”
“I,” Suzy started, her head hung low, “I’m sorry-“
“Stop it. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want you to say sorry and not ing mean it!”
“I do mean it! I’m sorry! , I could say sorry for a million times and mean it every single time!” Suzy stared up at the man that was once someone who she loved so dearly.
“I don’t want to hear it when you can’t even give me a proper explanation,” Youngjae said, voice softer, but heart still snapping in pieces all over again.
Suzy didn’t say anything. And Youngjae just knew. He just knew that she’ll never tell him why, because even she, herself, doesn’t know why. She probably just left because that’s what she does best, leaving.
“You disappeared after that,” Youngjae said, heart clenching and head hurting, “I tried to look for you. I was desperate. I wanted you to come back and said that something urgent happened and you just had to run out. I wanted to hear you say that despite your actions, you still loves me.”
“The time we’ve been together, Youngjae-ah,” Suzy said, holding back tears, “it was real. I’ve loved every moment of it. I loved you. I wasn’t perfect and had my flaws, but you’ve overlooked it and treasured me. You’ve loved me, and I loved you, too. I’ve loved you so much. There was no one I could bring myself to love more than how I love you.”
The words that came flowing out of Suzy’s mouth were like knives stabbing through Youngjae’s fragile body. He gathered up the rest of his remaining courage and control, “then, you shouldn’t have left me. Suzy, I loved you so ing much. My whole life was devoted to you. To loving you. To make you happy. I did everything I could just to see you smile. I spent every second of my life occupied in thoughts of you and ways to make you happy. I ing worshipped you like you’re some kind of goddess. The moments I’ve spent with you were surreal. I thought I was dreaming because there’s no way someone like you, someone as perfect and beautiful as you, could ever love someone like me who’s stumbles on my words when I’m nervous and s up just by opening my mouth. Yet you accepted me. And I gave you my everything. EVERYTHING. I ING GAVE YOU EVERYTHING THAT I HAD. And you took them, all right. You took them and left me with nothing. I went overseas because of you. Because I just wanted to forget. Forget everything that had happened. Did you know that there are times that I just wanted to walk into the crossfire so they can shoot me? So they can ing shoot me dead. I didn’t want to live anymore. I didn’t want to live with the weighting reality that you left me standing down the aisle alone on the day we’re supposed to be married. You were my everything. There was nothing, NOTHING, in this entire goddamned world that I loved more than you. God, ing hell, I loved you. You were my world. I never wanted to let you go. I wanted to keep holding on; holding onto that little hope of seeing you again. You hurt me. You hurt me so ing much. I was in so much pain. I was blaming myself. I thought I had did something that made you hate me. I thought it was my fault. I-“
“Youngjae,” Suzy interrupted, her voice breaking, “it wasn’t your fault. I was stupid. I didn’t know what I was doing. Youngjae, you’re amazing. And I would do anything to turn back time and put on that dress and walk down the aisle to you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m sorry, but I loved you. And I still do,” tears ran freely down Suzy’s beautiful face. “If you could give us a chance again, I swear-“
“No, stop,” Youngjae reached out and wiped away Suzy’s tears with his thumb, “after what had happened, there’s no us anymore. This was all I needed; this closure. I needed this closure so I could finally move on to another chapter of my life instead of agonizing over the past. And you should, too.”
Grabbing Youngjae’s hand, Suzy tried to crack a smile, but failed, “Youngjae-ah, please, I-“
“Suzy-ah, I loved you. You’re part of my past. The past that I wanted to remember and forget at the same time. But you’re my first love. It’s hard to forget first love. I won’t forget you. I could never forget you,” bringing Suzy’s trembling hands up to his lips, Youngjae placed a tender kiss. “Let me go, Suzy-ah. Right now, I am willing to let you go.”
“No, Youngjae, please, don’t do this, I can’t-Youngjae, please, give me a second chance, I still love you!” Suzy gripped tightly onto Youngjae’s much larger hands, head shaking in denial and tears continued streaming down her face.
Youngjae watched Suzy desperately crying and begging for him. His heart wrenched at the sight. He had seen Suzy at her very worse, and he’d never liked it. He loved it when she smiles. However, Youngjae was telling the truth; he had moved on at that very moment.
“I’ve moved on, and I don’t want you to hold me back,” Youngjae softly said, eyes strained painfully on Suzy’s sorrowed face full of tears. The next sentence took him all every ounce of energy he had left, “someone walked into my life… And they love me more than you could ever can. I-I’m.. I’m giving myself a chance to love. I want to try, Suzy. Let me go.”
Slowly and carefully removed Suzy’s hands in a caring manner, Youngjae took one last look at the, once, love of his life before he turned his back, trying to drown out Suzy’s cries.
*
*
*
Jaebum watched as Suzy’s knees gave out, and she slumped down to the cold floor. Her head dropped low, her hand grabbing the fabric in front of her chest, her tears won’t stop flowing, her cries echoed throughout the hall. Youngjae was gone.
Jaebum walked towards his best agent, he’ll be a horrible person if he didn’t feel pity on the poor girl. He crouched down and put an arm around Suzy’s shaking form. Jaebum pulled Suzy closer to his comforting chest, his hand patting lightly and rubbing softly against her shoulder. She leaned into his embrace, still sobbing uncontrollably.
“I-I-I… I just..” Suzy managed to choke out through tears.
“Don’t,” Jaebum shushed her softly, “it’s okay. Cry, let it out.”
And that was all the cues Suzy needed. She moved her hands and gripped onto Jaebum’s blazer, crying in pain, misery, regret, anger, and disgust of herself. There weren’t much for Jaebum to do except lending her a shoulder to cry on. He could imagine how painful it is for her. He’ll feel the same, too, if he was in her place; if he was the one begging for a second chance and was brokenly turned down by the love of his life. He would feel the same, too, if his first love couldn’t give him the love he wants.
Sighing softly, Jaebum said something that Youngjae couldn’t bring himself to say,
“I’m sorry."
Comments