After the kid left, N and Hyuk are left alone. Hyuk doesn't dare look up at the leader. 

"Can I? "N suddenly asks. 

Since Hyuk have no idea what he's asking about, he have no choice but to look at him. "What? "

"Can I... touch you? "N doesn't want to make the younger disgusted by his touch so he had to ask first. He knows that among the members, Hyuk, Hongbin and Leo are more likely to avoid skinship with him compared to Ravi and Ken. So that's why he didn't hesitate much when he's trying to help Ken and Ravi. 

Hyuk can only nod. He wonders what makes N think he needs permission. 

N grabs Hyuk's hand and holds it tightly before tugging it as a signal for him to stand up. Hyuk just follows as N take him back to Ken's ward. 

"Jaehwan, I have your ice cream. "N announces only to see a sleeping Ken with Hongbin by his side. 

"He just fall asleep, hyung. "Hongbin informs. 

"Ah... too bad. This ice cream will melt. "N sighs. "Here, take yours.  Look after him for a while, okay? I'm going out to get some fresh air with Hyuk. I'll take his ice cream first. I'll buy him another one when he wake up."

Leaving the ward, N and Hyuk walk to the rooftop. Hyuk was just following N's step, actually, since the leader is still holding his hand. 

Once they arrived, N takes out the ice cream, opened it and offers it to Hyuk. 

Hyuk shakes his head. 

"Since when? "N asks quietly. He seriously wonders what causes Hyuk to be suicidal. 

"After you left... "Hyuk lies. He had never actually thought about killing himself before but if this reason can make N care for him, then lie he will. 

"Why? "

Hyuk opens his mouth to answer but then a spoonful of ice cream landed on his lip. He let N feed him. "I'm lonely. "

"Lonely? How  come? "

Another spoonful. "I've no one to talk to. "

"Hongbin? Jaehwan? "

"They don't have time for me. Everyone was busy. "

Guilt is eating N from the inside.  He was supposed to care for s but why was he so selfish? 

But they did hurt him a lot. 

'Isn't he supposed to be strong? '

He have been strong for too long and now his strength is no more. 

'He's the oldest so he should just it up. '

Oldest? But isn''t Leo the same age as him? 

'Leo's sensitive. He's very fragile. '

Then why can't he be fragile too? He's sensitive, isn't he? 

"Are you still mad at us, hyung? "Hyuk's question startled him from his internal war. 

He doesn't answer. 

"Hongbin-hyung and I bought a new diary for you but we never had the chance to give it to you. "Hyuk confess. "We know it isn't the same but--"

"Lets go see the doctor, Hyuk. "

"Dont want to. "Because I'm not suicidal, hyung. 

"You need help. "

"I don't. I need you. You're a doctor enough. You always heal us."

N laughs. It sound so genuine and Hyuk feels warm all of sudden. It has been so long since he last heard that beautiful melody. 

"Alright then. But we still need to see a doctor. Your elbows need to be treated. Hurry, finish this ice cream. "