It's spring once again. That time of the year wherein the flowers are blooming and the sun is shining just right. People have always loved spring, co'z as they would say, the season would always bring the feeling of delight and warm fuzzies along with it.

 

It was supposed to be like that.

 

Umji wishes it would be like that for every person, but she knows it's not. The past few weeks are taking a toll on her. With the group's very active promotions and her studies all lined up at the same time, she's definitely having a hard time balancing out everything.

 

But nevertheless, Umji still works hard and diligent for both, she's a girl like that, yet in the process, she sometimes neglects her sleep.

 

And it was all too noticeable.

 

"Umji-ah." Their choreographer calls out in the middle of their dance practice. Everyone stops on their tracks, getting nervous and frozen, including Umji. 

 

"Ne?" The girl who was called out asks, both her hands politely clasped together.

 

Everyone in the room would agree that their choreographer is already beyond the point of irritated, and they all fear of their maknae getting scolded, but they all know they can do nothing but listen.

 

Their choreographer huffs in annoyance and defeat and crosses her arms. "Okay, so you're getting the moves right, but if you'll just dance sleazily like that... Then just get out."

 

The whole room turned quiet with their choreographer's harsh words making Umji hung her head low in clear embarrassment and hurt, biting her lips in the process, not wanting any tears to fall from her eyes. She doesn't want to look weak in front of her members, no, not like this.

 

With her two hands clasped together tightly, Umji tries her best to answer without stuttering on her words. "Mi-mianhayeo... It's just because—"

 

"She has exams coming up that's why. Please don't be too harsh on her." Sowon cuts Umji's explanation, surprising the other girls and Umji herself, making her look at their leader with a grateful expression.

 

Yet, their choreographer didn't even yield and looked even more irritated. "So what? She's in the same year and school as SinB isn't she? Then why is SinB doing better?"

 

The second retaliation was even worse for Umji when she was compared to her same aged friend SinB. It would always shatter her confidence whenever she's compared to the girl, co'z she would always think that they're right. That she doesn't have any excuse to be anything less than SinB...

 

...That she's a failure compared to her.

 

But she's never hated the girl. Instead, Umji have always admired Sinb. In her opinion, the same aged member is good at doing anything. SinB can sing beautifully and dance gracefully. Umji would always try her best whether it may be in dancing or singing. Yet even so with her constant practice and admiration for the other girl, it seems like it isn't enough to be able to even be on the same level as her.

 

"Jinjja mianhaeyeo..." Umji quietly replies, now clenching her fists hard on her oversized shirt, trying her best not to let the others hear her choking up because of her tears threatening to fall.

 

But even without hearing her, the members know all too well. 

 

Their choreographer heavily sighs in defeat, knowing that pushing the tired girl further won't lead to anything. "You know what, you can just rest for the day Umji-ah. The rest of you girls remain."

 

Not wanting to anger their choreographer even further, Sowon replies a very hesitant "Ne." to their choreographer. Not wanting Umji to get scolded even more and also caring for her dongsaeng's health is what lead her to just agree.

 

Hearing this, Umji looks at their leader once, and when she saw her unnie's apologizing look towards her, she knew that she has to go back for now. With an understanding nod, Umji takes her leave with her head hung low, not realizing how one of her members was sadly looking at her as she left.

 

---

 

"1... 2... 3... 4..." Umji counts the beats, timing it along with their song as she rehearses their choreography inside their practice room.

 

"Why am I not getting the timing right?!" The girl, clearly annoyed at herself for not being able to get the choreo perfectly, stomps her way towards the music player and stops the song, straightaway slumping onto the floor with her back against the practice room's mirrored wall.

 

She's been cooped up inside the practice room all alone for hours as she wants to perfect their choreo, yet nothing is going her way.

 

She wants to say something, something to herself that would make her stop feeling like this. But nothing comes out of except quiet sobbing that she didn't know she was holding.

 

It might not have been that long since they've debuted but she's already like this. Stressed, depressed, and on the verge of quitting.

 

Of course she doesn't want to feel like this. This is her dream after all, yet with all that she's going through right now, she can't help but feel like everything is just falling through for her. And it's not just because she can't perfectly get the timings for their choreography. 

 

Few months after their debut, a lot of people had started to notice their group, including her, but not in a good way. During their 3rd comeback, netizens have been bashing her on her looks and lack of skills as a singer, and the issue blew up so bad that tons of articles were published about her 'lacking' as an idol. 

 

She would always try to be positive about things but of course, she's human too and she just can't help but get affected and hurt. Which is why she would always try her hardest in every performance. She would always practice and give it her all in hopes that people would acknowledge her and not just see her as a 'filler member' in the group, but in the end, all that people could see is how she doesn't have the looks and how she can't even keep up to her members' skills.

 

Umji can't help but tear up from all those thoughts that kept lingering in her mind from the past weeks. It would be easy if she could just open up to her members, but she just can't, knowing that they all have their own fair share of problems and that hers might seem something trivial to her unnies.

 

Amidst her sentiments and tears, knocks on the practice room's door were suddenly heard.

 

"Hello? Is anyone there?" An all too familiar voice came from the other side of the door. 

 

Quickly, Umji tries her best to calm down. She first exhales deeply to try get rid of the raspiness that might come out in her voice before she replies. 

 

"Yeah, I'm here. What is it Eunbi-ah? Need anything?" She asks SinB while walking towards the door. 

 

SinB doesn't answer for a while and Umji contemplates if she should face the girl or not. 

 

"It's just..." The voice on the other side pauses again before answering and shattering the pressing silence. "A-ah! I was just planning on practicing! Yeah, that's why."

 

Umji was about to reply to SinB when suddenly the latter speaks once again, this time with a tone that's more serious and sincere.

 

"Yewon-ah..." SinB calls. "Is.. Is s-something wrong?"

 

Umji was suddenly flustered with her friend's question. She doesn't know why SinB would think that as she definitely hasn't said anything nor has been transparent to the other members regarding her inner thoughts and wretched feelings. Not wanting the other girl to get even more suspicious, Umji wipes any traces of her tears and proceeds to open the door for SinB

 

"Mianhae." Umji states and flashes a small smile as soon as she saw the other girl. "I-I was spa-spacing out. You know me." The girl fakes out a small chuckle just to not make SinB suspicious, yet the latter just stares at her with something she can't quite comprehend.

 

Now looking at her friend, it was the first time that Umji saw a very serious  SinB, and it flustered her to be honest. 

 

"W-wae?" Umji asks, yet eventually continues, wanting to dismiss whatever SinB is thinking as of now. "There's nothing wrong Eunbi-ah. I'm done using the practice room. You can now use it."

 

Not able to hold her pretensions in front of her groupmate any more longer than she already have, Umji immediately walks out of the room.

 

But even before she could go any further, a hand, so warm and gentle, opted to stop her and held her by her wrist.

 

"Yewon-ah, wae—"

 

But even before SinB could finish what she was about to say, Umji gently releases herself from her groupmate's hold. 

 

"I'm fine." Umji feigns a smile as she said those words and quickly leaves SinB thereafter.

 

---

 

It's spring, yet the sun isn't out and was instead covered by a mass of gray clouds, making the weather too gloomy, the same as how Umji feels.

 

As soon as she knew that she was out of SinB's sight she ran, not really knowing where to go, but she kept going with her head hung low. Apologies kept flowing out from her as she would accidentally bump with strangers along the sidewalk while those said people would just either be angry at her or look at her weirdly.   Eventually she arrives at a certain playground quite far from their agency and decides to just sit there. 

 

No one was in sight, not even a single kid, and Umji thinks it might be because of the overcast weather. With the thought, she felt even more glum. The girl wishes that she was just as positive as she was when she was a kid.

 

A kid with no problems and just smiling brightly.

 

What am I even thinking?

 

Umji wants to laugh at her own thoughts but she just can't. And what frustrates her the most is that this is supposed to be her dream, yet it continues to hurt her and bring her down as well.

 

And people say being an idol is easy.

 

If she was to be honest, she wants to escape, even just for a while, to think things through, because with everything that's happening, Umji just wants to just quit from everything, but at the same time it frustrates her on how she couldn't even be tough and brave through her own problems.

 

She thought her tears were already dry but Umji was surprised when she felt them slowly falling from her eyes once again. And as if the skies were on her side, raindrops started falling from the sky, joining her tears.

 

"I hate this." Umji says, her hand clenching hard on the bench she's sitting on. "I hate this! I hate myself!"

 

The slowly growing raindrops continued to fall on her the same time her heart continues to clench and grow cold. She doesn't want to even bother in shielding herself from the pouring rain as her tears also poured along with it.

 

At least no one could tell that I'm crying, right?

 

Her head was hung low and she doesn't really care if people passing by would give her looks as her confidence was already shattered into pieces. They've always done that anyways. Criticizing her, judging her. 

She wants her feelings to grow numb but alas, because every raindrop felt like harsh criticisms piercing her, until all of a sudden, she felt the rain abruptly stop. The phenomenon confused her and made her look up.

 

"Y-yewon ah."

 

Why is she here? How did she even find her? Umji doesn't know the answer and it shocked her seeing the girl standing behind her holding an umbrella, covering the both of them from the harsh raindrops that were falling amidst the spring season.

 

"What're you—"

 

"I looked for you! You pabo!"

 

In an instant, the drenched and shivering Umji was immediately filled with warmth when SinB pulled her in a tight hug.

 

The gesture flustered her to be honest. As for what Umji knows, her same aged friend is the kind of person who can be quite tough and inexpressive of her feelings, so seeing her like this confused her. Yet more to the confusion that she felt, SinB hugging her also suddenly stirred her emotions in a very nice yet unexplainable way. 

 

"Eu-Eunbi-ah." Umji's voice calls, and with this, SinB hugs her even tighter.

 

"You had me so worried Yewon-ah!" 

 

SinB's words came out strong and loud, but for Umji, it was the softest thing SinB had said to her, and like the sun during spring, it chased away the rain that the grey clouds bought to her heart.

 

Even though they are of the same age, they aren't really that close to each other, which is why Umji felt really special because of the gesture. 

 

SinB actually didn't like her at first when they were trainees but eventually the latter started to like Umji as she slowly got to know her. For SinB, Umji is a very kind hearted, considerate, and hardworking person, which is why it hurts her to see Umji like this. 

 

"H-how?" Was the only thing that Umji managed to say.

 

"It's because after everything that I've put you up with during our trainee days, you were still so kind to me. I felt too guilty back then so I changed. And after knowing you even better, Yewon-ah, ah-I-I started t-to c-care for you." With embarrassment sinking in, SinB hung her head low. "I can't help but notice Yewon-ah. How these past few days you would hide your face from the cameras on stage, how you seem to talk less, and h-how your usual bright s-smi-smile f-faded."

 

Umji didn't realize when her tears started falling again, but one thing is for sure, that her tears aren't because of sadness anymore. With her tears continuously falling just like the rain that won't let up, Umji eventually breaks down and let's herself be vulnerable for once. Falling onto SinB's arms and hiding by the crook of her neck, Umji sobs even harder and hugs SinB back, and it pained the latter even more when Umji did so.

 

She may always seem so carefree, but when it comes to Umji, SinB can't lie to herself about how she cares for the girl, even if often times she can't  properly show it. Ever since they all started living in a dorm together, with Umji being her roommate, SinB would always find herself carefully watching over the girl. Because of this, she knows all too well about how Umji is struggling yet still working so hard, and it makes her sad that not a lot of people acknowledge that.

 

With Umji's unceasing tears, SinB, quite hesitant at first, cautiously caressed the other girl's back to calm her down. "You seem to try to be always cheerful and bright in front of the unnies Yewon-ah, and I know why you try to carry a lot of your problems by yourself, but starting today... Please don't do that anymore. If things get too heavy... Y-you k-know I'll a-al-always be here." 

 

It wasn't the most flawless kind of speech to comfort a crying friend, but it's fine by Umji because she thinks it's the most sincere. Even with SinB stuttering at the latter part, and Umji thinks it must be because the other girl has become embarrassed by her choice of words again. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Umji composes herself and wipes her tears before slightly backing away to face SinB, this time with a smile on her face. The quite smaller girl bites her lip in embarrassment because of the sudden realization that they're still hugging all this time, but nonetheless, she doesn't move away.

 

"Gomawo Eunbi-ah. For noticing, for reaching out..."

 

Seeing how Umji can now smile much brighter than before, SinB can't help but also reciprocate that smile, Umji's smile that's brighter than the sunshine, and SinB ultimately thinks it's because of it that it actually stopped raining.

 

Neither of them knew when did the sun started shining again, but soon as SinB did notice, she folded her umbrella back and the two of them broke away from the hug, with Umji settling by holding SinB's hand in hers.

 

"Oh. It stopped raining?" Umji says in confusion while holding her free hand up, trying to feel if there really aren't any raindrops pouring.

 

"Looks like it." SinB states, gaining Umji's attention back. "Meaning we could go home now. I'm sure the unnies miss you already."

 

SinB, quick on her feet, already started walking back. But before she could go any further, she stops when she felt Umji still holding her yet not budging from where she stands.

 

"Wae—"

 

And before she could even finish what she has to say, SinB became very flustered when Umji suddenly decided to give her a kiss on her cheek. "Tsundere."

 

---

 

It's spring once again. That time of the year wherein the flowers are blooming and the sun is shining just right. People love spring, and so does Umji. Yet today, the sun is nowhere to be found. Grey clouds hover above and the rain had been drizzling since early this morning. 

 

But it's fine by Umji, spring rain has this special warmth that it brings to her ever since that day. The memory made Umji smile as she continued to gaze at the small droplets of water that ceaselessly falls. 

 

Who would've thought that it would only take a Hwang Eunbi to get her confidence back? 

 

After that rainy spring day, SinB became a great source of strength  for her. SinB would always help her with things like singing techniques and specially choreography. They became very close and the same aged girl kept supporting her from the sidelines, and even if she would try to be nonchalant about it, Umji knows and feels SinB's concern and care to her. 

 

Eventually, this lead their relationship to something more.

 

Specifically, SinB confessing her love to Umji and Umji reciprocating it.

 

Whenever Umji grazes back on the memory of how SinB took a lot of effort and practically dragged all their members to cooperate and help her confess, she would always feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

 

Who would've thought that the tough, charismatic girl SinB would go soft because and for her.

 

And speaking of SinB. "Where is she?" Umji asks to no one in particular, looking back through their company building's glass doors. As if on cue, Umji immediately saw the other girl running towards her from the inside of the building and she can't help but chuckle at the sight. Knowing that the other girl wouldn't want her to know how it took her to practically sprint so hard just to not make her wait any longer, Umji turns back and decides to continue what she was previously doing. And not a moment later, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

 

Behind her stood SinB, looking calm as ever, as if she didn't ran all the way there, but the bullets of sweat that ran down her face gave it away. Genuinely concerned for the other girl, Umji reaches out to wipe SinB's forhead using the end of her sleeve. "You're sweating hard Eunbi-ah. Did you ran? You okay?"

 

"A-aniya! You know I just easily sweat." SinB immensely denies. "Here. W-we can share one." The girl smiles at her as she hands her an umbrella.

 

Due to SinB's antics, Umji couldn't help but let out a chuckle. The action made SinB raise an eyebrow out of curiosity. "Yah. Wae?"

 

"Nothing nothing!"

 

"You've gotten weird Yewon-ah." SinB teases the other as she unfolds the umbrella for the two of them to share. Umji laughs at this and tries to walk ahead of SinB, not really minding the light drizzle. 

 

Umji's actions baffled SinB, making her ran to the other as quickly as she can. "Yewon-ah! You're going to get yourself sick!" SinB scolds Umji as soon as she reached her and quickly covers her with the umbrella to shield her from the rain.

 

Umji's heart can't help but swell by the act, and the butterflies in her stomach just wouldn't stop fluttering inside. 

 

"Aish this tsundere." Umji teases the other by also pinching her cheeks in the process. "Gomawo."

 

No words were exchanged between them after that, only shy smiles that both of them already knew the meaning of. 

 

The two maknaes then proceeded on their way to their dorm, hand in hand as they did so, knowing that even in the years to come they will still pave through everything with each other's support.