00.9

Jimin had always admired Namjoon.

They had met the first year of college thanks to group work on a business plan to be presented in class. Namjoon was smart, spoke really well, and he was one of those people who seemed to hide a world behind simple words.

Jimin had met his soulmate Seokjin only the following year, the year in which Namjoon had abandoned the faculty of economics to enroll in a famous school of music composition. Jimin was surprised then and only years later, after the three of them had become inseparable, Jimin found out why. Seokjin didn’t like to talk about his family and the difficulties they had faced and Namjoon and Jimin both respected his decision.

But even when he had not known the details, a look was enough for Jimin to understand that the love between them was cemented on the battles won remaining together. No matter how hard, how difficult it had been, and often when Seokjin got lost looking in the distance Jimin had thought he understood, neither of them had thought of giving up.

Well, they are soulmates. Yoongi had said once when Jimin had raised the issue. Yoongi didn’t say it as a compliment but more to emphasize the inevitability of their bond, the little choice it left them. Maybe that was the case, perhaps soulmates shared the good and the bad, always, and this inevitability to abandon each other was what made number twos of another level.

They have a sense of belonging that we zeroes cannot understand, Jimin used to think.

The painful end of his relationship with Yoongi, and all the subsequent failed stories, had almost made Jimin think that Yoongi had been right, that the love between number twos was the one never destined to fail—not because of merit but merely because of a matter of category.

However, after many years, perhaps Jimin had discovered a different answer.

"Sorry to bother you Namjoon,” said Jimin on the way home.

Namjoon had just gone to pick him up from Hoseok and Taehyung’s, on his face the traces of sleepless nights of work.

"Don’t worry Jimin. You are hurt, this is the minimum I can do. Take it as a thank you for all the times that you came to rescue me during all these years, including the time that I broke your bathroom door,” replied Namjoon, smiling.

"If you put it like this I should ask you the interest for everything!" Jimin joked, trying to hold back a yawn. Namjoon laughed.

"You and Jungkook seem to get along," said Namjoon after a while with one of his wide smiles; those who made dimples appear on his cheeks.

"More or less. In fact, today I must say he was very kind to me. He even insisted to have me visited by a doctor! Hoseok—you know my childhood friend—is in the last year of medicine,” Jimin said.

"The world is so small. Promise me you’ll tell Seokjin as soon as possible, I bet he’ll be happier than you,” Namjoon said with an affectionate note in his voice. It was Jimin’s turn to laugh. His hyung sometimes was so adorably childish.

"It would be so Jin hyung,” Jimin concluded.

For a while no one said anything, but many things had happened that day and his injured ankle, in Jimin’s opinion was the least interesting thing that had happened.

Jimin looked out of the window, wondering if he could ask this question before arriving at home, because he had an idea in mind but only Namjoon could confirm it.

"Namjoon I trust you, and if anyone can give me a logical answer, it’s you. You know that this whole engagement thing would never be suggested if it weren’t for the upcoming referendum. Jungkook is behaving too well, because God only knows what I would have done at twenty-three…" Jimin stopped for a moment trying to put the words in order. It was long past the acceptable time for dinner, he felt his ankle throbbing and he was tired. Namjoon probably was more because he was in the middle of the preparations for a new album. But Jimin had to know.

"Jimin, sometimes circumstances seem bigger than us but there is always a way out,” Namjoon said. Jimin recognized the streets near his home.

"Exactly, and I thought who better than you can answer? With regard to the referendum… what do you think? Do you think the 'yes' will win? I'm scared. We are scared. Yet as far as we are different, we zeroes cannot understand the number twos and vice versa, I want to believe that there might be a common ground,” Jimin concluded, sighing. Lately, Jimin had intensively thought about how a single event had managed to flip his life, Jungkook’s life, and certainly that of many zeroes. Yet, his parents were number twos. His brother was, Namjoon and Seokjin were and Jimin could not believe that any of them would vote yes.

Namjoon stopped the car right in front of his house, but although he had turned off the engine neither of them started to get up. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he said:

"I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this but I think it's fair for you to know, if this serves you to reassure you,” Namjoon said, looking Jimin in the eyes.

"I'm going to tell you a story Jimin".

"Mom, Dad,” Jungkook nervously got out of the car along with Jimin went to meet his parents.
The latter had taken note of the presence of Jimin with genuine surprise. His father's lips were tight, so narrow as to form a single line. Jungkook was sure that he was doing a great effort to restrain himself and the fact that Jungkook wasn’t alone, it was probably the only reason why the avalanche wasn’t over him yet. His mother looked at him and Jungkook had to look away because there was nothing that upset him more than seeing his mother worried.

"Mr and Mrs. Jeon, it's a pleasure to meet you. I’m Park Jimin,” the number zero greeted his parents who replied back politely. Whatever they came to discuss with their son, Jungkook knew that they were feeling taken aback. Because despite all the evidence that had rightly pointed to the fact that Jungkook didn’t want anything to do with the engagement, Jimin was there, along with their son. It didn’t escape the watchful eye of his mother either, the familiarity with which Jungkook and Jimin moved next to each other and this suggested that that meeting was not the first one to happen.

The short ride in the elevator, the lift could barely hold four people at once, was one of the most unnerving of all his life. Jungkook felt the sweat trickling from his neck and he was sure he wasn’t screaming only because of a miracle. He felt Jimin tugging his jacket at his wrist like he wanted to remember him that he would think about it. Jimin had practically asked him to jump off and at the same time he promised that they would fall together. Even though it was a poor consolation Jungkook decided to hang on to it.

He held Jimin’s hand for a breath of a moment, then the door of the elevator opened.

They entered his apartment in silence, Jimin got in last and Jungkook realized it was the first time for Jimin saw where he lived. Instead of sitting on the couch, his parents opted for the kitchen and once they were there, seated on stiff chairs, Jungkook did not know what else to do.

"Jungkookie we didn’t come to scold you,” his mother began dropping his shoulders.

"We were just worried because we did not hear from you anymore. Your father and I decided we should try to discuss the matter with you and that's why we came,” she concluded, trying to smile at Jungkook. it had always been like that in his family. His mother often took on the role of mediator between them, the parents and Jungkook, always trying to make clear to their child why certain decisions were taken. However, despite the affection with which both had always submerged Jungkook, in his eyes they had always lacked of real understanding. They had always explained their point of view so that it would create a good bond between them but they had never sought the opinion of Jungkook.

Jungkook squirmed in his chair.

His father had his arms folded but he did not seem to disagree with his mother.

“Jimin, we are pleasantly surprised to find you here. We never met you before but your parents have talked such good things about you," continued his mother welcoming Jimin with a big smile.

"We are very happy. In fact, we had come to talk to Jungkook about the engagement, but now we see you here and we feel reassured,” said his father looking between the two of them, half expecting a confirmation. Jungkook wanted to laugh.

"We might have been too hasty? Kookie dear, if by ‘time’ you meant more time to get to know your partner, you know that in that case we would not oppose,” his mother said, sincerely sorry for having misunderstood their son.

Jungkook wanted to scream in frustration, but was afraid that by opening his mouth he would say unforgivable words. Why did his family not seem to understand? Ironically, it was their love, their eagerness to pursue what they thought was best for Jungkook that ended up ruining him. They did it with kindness and guided by love and sincere concern without realizing that with their actions, they were chaining who they believed they were protecting.

"I'm also glad to meet you,” intervened Jimin smiling back. "But in fact, my presence here is totally random. Jungkook and I attended…" Jungkook looked alarmed. They didn’t know that he had begun to dance and there was no need to tell them that now. “…the same activity. We train in the gym together,” said Jimin, saving the situation. "We had decided to take some time to reflect, but by chance we found ourselves in the same place and now we are here. This had allowed us to know each other better, but this has nothing to do with the rest,” Jimin said.

"From what you say I assume that you have spent time together, but also you affirm that your presence here is random?" asked Jungkook’s father, confused.

“Yes,” Jimin said.

His father sighed as her mother stiffened.

"You are adults now. Jungkook son, you are twenty-three, soon you will graduate and begin to look for a job to earn a living. Jimin, you work already, you have your own home pay your expenses. We parents have not proposed to unite our families because we liked to mess up your life. We would have liked for you another future, a future in which your happiness is assured. But sometimes fate works against us and although we parents have only this as a task—ensure our children the best—we saw that possibility being taken from us. Being a number zero is difficult, but so is for us to know what this means for our children. You read the papers, you have seen the television. We have no time. Try to understand. We care about your future,” His father said with passion and as he said this he turned mainly to Jungkook who felt trapped.

"Dad you know how I feel,” Jungkook said brokenly.

"Yes I know."

"You didn’t choose to give birth to a zero and I didn’t choose to be born like one either. Yet I’m still a number zero. I was born and I will die number zero, Dad, and there's nothing I can do or that you can do to change this. But why does this have to decide every step of my life? Isn’t it enough to be considered a second class citizen, now I have to give up the little free will that still I have left? It is not my selfishness and I’ve been repeating this for years, but you do not understand. You don’t want to understand. And discussing this with you is impossible because every word is mistaken for stubbornness and I’m diminished due to my lack of experience. What is so difficult to understand that I want to try to live on my own terms? I can do a million things that do not require having someone by my side. I can be an astronaut, find the cure for an incurable disease, I can come up with something brilliant, I can simply live my life as I have decided, and still make you proud of me! I am not alone, I have no fear of being alone, I have you, my friends, my work, I have myself. Is it really so hard to understand?"

“Jungkook, sweetheart we are already proud of you…but,” his mother tried to intervene.

"We think of you! You prefer that the laws and the government decide for you? Do you want to be paired by force with a complete stranger and truly experience what it's like to have your free will taken away?” His father said with vehemence. "That 's what you want?"

Jungkook deflated in his chair, holding his head in his hands. It was all wrong.

It was all damn wrong.

Then he felt the hand of Jimin squeeze his arm.

“Sir," Jimin began in a trembling voice, "I am a number zero as well, and I sincerely admire Jungkook for his strength. People like him are rare, I do not think you realize it and it's not your fault, I know, but as a number zero I’m saying to you that Jungkook is special. Because it is too easy to succumb to this system. It's too easy to fall and don’t stand up again and fail to find reasons to live this life, and choose to fly off a roof.” Jungkook dared not look up, but he felt his mother hold your breath.

"I agreed to this because I don’t have Jungkook’s passion,” Jimin continued, "I have no mountains to climb, goals to achieve. My days seem too long and devoid of purpose, and I thought it would be nice to have someone to share my life, trying to keep company to each other. Even if this person is not my soul mate.” Jungkook wanted to raise his head and see Jimin’s face, but failed and chose instead to hear his voice. He wondered why Jimin agreed to the engagement and now he knew.

"You are saying though, that you agree with this engagement,” said his father.

"I used to. But I do not want to deprive Jungkook of his hope. And at the same time I'd like to make his choice, my own. Before you reply, yes, I know this does not change the vote of May 10. However…"

“Jimin, if this does not change the vote of May 10th, you understand why we are insisting so much?" His mother interjected softly.

"I understand that the only big issue is what would happen if the referendum passed,” Jimin retorted.

"If?"

"But if for some reason the referendum doesn’t pass…would this change anything?" Jungkook lifted his head. Jimin was staring at his parents, he seemed determined to accomplish a task.

His idea.

"If what we fear won’t actually happen would this engagement be really necessary?"

His parents seemed taken by surprise and Jungkook himself seemed unable to tear his gaze from the figure of Jimin.

Promise me, promise me that you will trust me.

"Well probably, but the chances of this happening…"

"Why not? I’m asking you this and I’ll my parents myself, but I don’t think they will have any objections if you don’t have them. If the vote does not pass, I would like for our commitment to be considered dissolved. "

“We…we should think about it,” said his father, warily.

"I apologize if I will pass for rude but you have to answer me now. We cannot discuss this forever. We need to know,” Jimin said forcefully.

"Let’s admit, however, that the vote instead passes. Are you telling me that suddenly the engagement would proceed? You heard my son, Jimin."

"Those fears only then would become a solid reality,” Jimin said in a grave voice, "that reality can change things,” Jimin said, keeping his eyes shut for a moment.

Jungkook at the beginning didn’t catch the implications of this response, because Jimin could not, Jungkook had entrusted Jimin with his life.

He felt as if his parents and Jimin were discussing business and he was just a passive spectator of the tragedy of his life.

Jungkook squeezed Jimin’s leg, probably too hard, but Jimin continued undeterred and seemed unaffected by the pain.

His father was silent thinking about what was said. While his mother seemed too surprised, as Jungkook, to add another.

Jungkook felt his heart hammering in his ears and wondered if this was, what it was like when you were betrayed by someone you trusted, if that thunder in his ears was the sound of a heart breaking.

Jungkook’s parents had been gone for a while, but not after they gave their word that they would have waited for the outcome of the vote before re-discussing the issue. Until then no pressure and no more words about the engagement.

They made it, it was what Jimin had hoped, to gain a possibility to free them both. Yet it didn’t look like a victory and neither was he exulting. In all this, Jungkook seemed too shocked to say even a word and Jimin felt his heart clenching.

Jungkook had not moved from his chair, he probably didn’t notice when his parents bid him farewell or the kiss of his mother on his cheek. He had his hands clasped under his chin as he kept staring into space.

"Jungkook I…"

Jungkook didn’t spare him a glance.

"Do you think this is a game Jimin? Get to bet with my father about my life as if this was a game of Blackjack?"asked Jungkook, sounding amused but there was no sign of joy in his voice; only an obscure bitterness.

"Jungkook I told you that,” Jungkook only then decided to acknowledge his presence and Jimin’s blood froze in his veins. Jungkook had never looked like that and there was so much in his eyes, that Jimin felt his heart sank.

"I want to be alone. Jimin hyung I understand and I know, believe me I know, what you tried to do. But right now I cannot look at you without feeling a great rage, so before I say something that I regret, please, get out of here."

Jimin wanted to say that it was not good for Jungkook to stay alone with his thoughts and yet he did not succeed to utter a word. Perhaps Jungkook had really understood what Jimin had tried to do, a stupid proposed idea in an attempt to gain freedom, but Jimin also knew that it had been too much for him. Just because he understood that did not mean he liked it, or that he was grateful. Quite the contrary. Jimin therefore decided to not say anything but before leaving, he got near him and although Jungkook was stiff as a pole, Jimin hugged him from behind his trembling arms encircling Jungkook’s frame, desperately trying to convey everything his words would have failed.

I'm sorry. I tried.

Trust me. Forgive me.

I love you.

Then without further ado he broke away from him and fled.

They had come with Jungkook’s car, but he did not care. He paced frantically then he found himself running.

Hoseok would be glad to know that his ankle was completely healed.

He ran for what seemed like hours. But he did not know where to go because the only person he wanted to see was probably still at work and Jimin did not want to disturb him.

Without realizing, his feet took him to a place that had not seen for years, but after stopping in front of the impressive building of the record company, Jimin wondered what he was doing. Perhaps Seokjin was not even in there, perhaps his photo shoot was outdoors and if not there was no chance that the receptionist would let him in or call Seokjin for him.

Of course, Jimin thought, fate had to be ironic, because right there, leaning against a column of the building entry, he saw the red light of a lit cigarette. And before Jimin was able to leave undetected, Yoongi called his name.

author's note:To quote my beta Mintsugakookies about the chapter: it hit me like a train and left me to die. I agree (crying). I promise, there's always the Sun after the storm!!!
come shout at me at http://iwaslookingforhope.tumblr.com/