00.15

“Maybe we should...”
“Sure. We should. Go home.”
“Yes.”
“Sure.”

And that was all. Then Jungkook had stood up and Jimin had no choice but to follow him out.
The atmosphere in the car was tense and neither of them seemed inclined to say something first. But Jimin was the oldest between the two and it was his duty to take the lead and start the discussion.
He couldn’t go home and pretend none of this had happened.
“Hyung.”
“Jungkook.”
They both said at the same instant. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one that feared that. The temptation of stopping the car, park sideways just so he could watch Jungkook in the face, was very strong, but Jimin swept away those thoughts. There was no need to make the process even more difficult.
“You first,” said Jimin. He saw the hands of Jungkook squirming in his lap.
“What happened was something I wanted. I’m not sure what this implies, though.” The younger admitted. Jimin smiled ruefully. He had promised himself to remain calm, but he could not repress a touch of disappointment make its way inside him.
“It can mean nothing if you want,” he finally said. He could accept it, it would have been terrible for him, but he could accept it for Jungkook.
“No. It’s not like that. It’s true that nothing changes on many things, but there is indeed something. I just need to think about it before I can talk to you.”
Jimin bit his lip. He couldn’t see his face since he was driving, but his tone sounded sincere.
“All right. As many times as you want Kookie. I think I need it too. “Jimin finally granted. Jungkook’s answer wasn’t really unpleasant. It was a sincere and mature reply.

They could make it work.

No one felt the need to say anything after that.
Jimin soon found himself driving along streets he recognised. Jungkook’s house was around the corner.
“Then, goodnight Hyung,” said Jungkook once the car stopped at the gate of his apartment block.
“Good night,” whispered Jimin. The younger opened the door and for a moment, he seemed uncertain, one foot out of the car as his hand held the door like it was his anchor.
Now. Said a voice in Jimin’s head.
“I wanted to kiss you too, by the way. It’s been a while actually. “Jimin confessed. It was an understatement because there was so much more he wanted from Jungkook and his kisses were the most superficial part. His respect for one thing. His love.
Jungkook looked into his eyes, which seemed to light up for a moment, but he said nothing and slid silently out of the car.
Jimin sat behind the wheel and watched his back disappear into the distance.
Time. Jimin repeated to himself. Time was a good thing, but for how long?

The following days Jimin tried to not dwell too much. If the younger needed time to think, Jimin needed time to prepare. For whatever Jungkook would decide.
All this, in a sense, shouted passive in capital letters, but Jimin disagreed. Jungkook was not someone to conquer and persuade. Such tactics would be useless and would have driven him away. Jimin had understood that right away.
Jungkook would feel something or he would not.
It was, in fact, the biggest risk that Jimin had decided to run when he tried to shorten their distance.

I will stand along your side and perhaps you will decide to love me or maybe not.

Jimin had admired Jungkook for his courage, suffered for his disappointments and put effort into trying to alleviate his pains. He had told Seokjin he liked him more than he was allowed to, but during the years he had built a distorted idea of love and this was what prevented him from recognising his feelings for what they were. He had done for Jungkook more than what he did for Min Yoongi then, and instead of destroying him, it made him happy. So kissing had only unveiled what he had been suspecting for a long time.
And now every time he closed his eyes, at home, while washing cutlery and sighing on soaped dishes, or in the office like now, Jimin relived that moment and it was as if Jungkook was kissing him again. He could feel the touch of his cold and wet lips over his. He had felt like burning.
Jimin nervously drummed his fingers on the desk, displeased.
It had been aeons since he had felt that shiver of excitement, this emotional chaos that was both vertigo and euphoria. He saw Jungkook other times after Sunday's events and it was less strange than Jimin had anticipated. Jungkook had hinted a smile and Jimin had gladly agreed to behave for the moment as if nothing had happened. If he had noticed that the eyes of Jungkook had settled on him several times during the lesson, he tried not to show it. After all, nothing suggested that the younger was ready to talk.
Even though Jimin was able to act normally in front of the other number zero, the morning after the lesson, he felt more tired than the day before, resulting in him being distracted for the rest of the day.
He wished for time to pass quickly so he could know whether to continue to maintain a foolish hope or abandon his every wish.
He would have given anything to be able to read Jungkook’s and anticipate the answer, but Jungkook was not an obvious person. There was so much to be seized and not all the doors were left open.
Jimin looked at the clock on his desk. He still had half an hour before the end of his workday. Maybe he could not enter inside Jungkook’s head but someone could enlighten him a little bit about it. Or, at least, console his poor heart.

He took the phone from his pocket and wrote the message quickly and nervously, hoping that his childhood friend would respond immediately.
The answer as hoped was quick to the point that in two minutes Hoseok was already proposing a time and a place. He wanted to scream in joy, but there were still twenty minutes of work and he could not make a scene in the midst of his colleagues. When at last the clock struck the end of the day, Jimin quickly gathered up his things, turned off the computer and darted into the parking lot.
Had he been more intimate with Taehyung, he would have asked of him, or maybe not. He didn’t want to put Taehyung in an awkward position. Hoseok seemed the best solution and Jimin couldn’t be more thankful for how fate had adjusted things, making him regain his long lost friend.

Hoseok was sitting at the table of a coffee shop nearby. He was texting on the phone as he waited for Jimin and judging by his huge smile, it was his soul mate on the other end. Sometimes Jimin wondered how it was living as a number two if it was really as wonderful as the world made you think. Once he would have said yes with a touch of bitterness but without a trace of doubt. However, in light of Namjoon’s story, he was no longer sure.
Maybe we're all trapped in the cage. It could be just a matter of luck.

If so, then Hoseok was the luckiest man on earth because you could not fake that degree of complete adoration.

“Jiminnie!” called Hoseok loudly as soon as he saw him. Jimin smiled back. Smiling had always come naturally to him, it was something he had never had to force, and perhaps that was why everyone had believed him a number two more than knowing him with Yoongi. However, Hoseok was one of those people that made it even easier to do so.

“Hobi, how are you? Are you all right? “Jimin asked, sitting.
“Dead tired, I haven’t had a decent night's sleep in months. It's worth it of course!! I wish I could see Taehyung more often, though,”he concluded sulking a bit.
“I bet. Once you start the specialisation it’ll get better, I guess.”Hoseok nodded.
“And you Jiminnie, how are you?”
“Ah, if you knew,” Jimin said, but at that moment the waitress came to bring them what Hoseok had ordered upon his arrival and the conversation was interrupted.
“I know that something has happened.” Hoseok resumed shortly after. “I don’t know what because Taehyung didn’t tell me, he said that it was for Jungkook to say, but he looked pretty relied on so I made some assumptions. I guess you've called me for this, “he said with a smile.
“I did not call you for that alone. You know I'm always glad to see you,” replied Jimin defensive.
“I know. I was just kidding. But it must be something big if you don’t recognise jokes anymore,” Hoseok added with amusement as he sipped his coffee.
“All right. Maybe I'm a bit nervous. I’m in the middle of a crisis here! Jungkook kissed me and I don’t know what to expect now.” Hoseok choked on the coffee he was drinking and he found himself coughing and laughing simultaneously. Jimin glared at him over his cup.
“I know. I know. Sorry, I am unforgivable. You know I'm bad with surprises. When I had to tell Taehyung I was going to study abroad for one year, I burst out laughing due to nervousness. Let's just say I didn’t improve my situation.”
Hoseok said, wiping his eyes.
“Even when you told me that you were moving you laughed like crazy.”
“My bad. Sorry again,”Hoseok said, smiling sheepishly. “Anyway, I can understand what all this means for you, for Jungkook. But tell me, what's the problem? “
“I think now it is clear that I have feelings for Jungkook” Jimin spat. Hoseok nodded. “The kiss certainly has not silenced my feelings, indeed. While Jungkook didn’t look regretful if we consider the awful circumstances in which all this happened, as if the misfortune of our status wasn’t enough, the situation doesn’t seem to have a solution. I do not want for him to change, there is nothing wrong with Jungkook ambitions, they make him who he is. At the same time, however, I wish he would take into account the idea of us. Do you think I’m being selfish?”

“No. You're not. When you like a person it’s normal to have the desire to be near him. I wanted to stand alongside Taehyung the first moment I saw him, so what you're saying to me it makes sense. Of course, I will never understand that feeling of fear and loss that a number zero experiences with regard to love. The courage takes for you to go further and try. “Hoseok said the last words with admiration in his tone. “I know Jungkook,” he continued, “I can’t say I understand him completely but to some extent, I can imagine the workings of his mind. Jungkook is very direct, terribly stubborn, determined, too honest. It’s not easy to change for anyone, especially for him. And Jimin, I know what it's like to change the path, take a way that you had never considered before. I know what it means to try to come to terms with everything and, at the same time, seek forgiveness.”

“You are talking about your choice to become a doctor,” Jimin commented with trepidation.

“Yes. Certainly, you remember that I have not always wanted to be a doctor. My dream was to become a professional dancer. When I was at the peak of my happiness, having just met my soul mate, tragedy struck my family. My father became very ill. He was my most avid supporter and was happy with my choice of career, as I was. But when his health got worse, I didn’t feel so sure anymore. I felt useless. I wanted to do something and I could not. It had nothing to do with my parents, they were happy with my choice like I said. I was not. So I started studying to try to be admitted to medical school. Nothing had changed, though; I could not prevent the inevitable. However, I found my purpose in life. I discovered something else about me that I did not think I could want. I love dancing but it is not the only thing I came to love. Therefore, Jimin, change is possible, sometimes we find happiness in the most unlikely places. It’s not a simple process. Taehyung says that it takes courage to resist but even more to change. So if you have feelings for Jungkook that goes beyond a childish feeling like I think you have, please stay by his side. If anyone can do this it’s you. I'm glad you two met.”
“I'm sorry for what you've gone through. I know it hadn’t been easy for you.”
“In no way. I had Taehyung with me though and that made the difference. Every so often even numbers two lose their way,” Jimin sighed. Didn’t Namjon say something similar?
“Thanks for your words. For believing in me.”
Jimin said a little touched. Hoseok gifted him with one of his brightest smiles.
“In any case, you didn’t come here just to hear me talk. So let’s put aside this topic and let’s move to more serious matters!” Hoseok said looking Jimin directly in the eyes. Jimin felt taken aback but waited for whatever his friend had to say.
“Tell me, is our Jungkookie a good kisser?”
“Jung Hoseok! I thought you said seriously!”

Considering the situation Jungkook congratulated with himself for not having run out screaming.
He had been rational and everything he had told Jimin that night was true. He had wanted to kiss him and it hadn’t been the spur of the moment. In fact, he wanted to do it again.
Very often he wondered what would have happened if this arranged marriage would not have fallen on his head. But despite everything, it had been thanks to his parents that he had met Jimin. Of course, the fact that he was a nice person was not their merit. They served their purpose, though.

Maybe he would meet Jimin in any case through Hoseok and their lives would cross the same and Jungkook’s feelings would come to the same conclusion. Considering the circumstances Jungkook was sad it didn’t go that way. He could not change the reality no matter how much he wished. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be so difficult for numbers zero to live, fall in love and be happy.
No. He was locked in this spectrum of reality and he had no escape and no solution because his magnificent life plan was leaking from all sides: first the government, then his parents, and now this.

Not even in his wildest dreams, he had thought to end up feeling something. So what to do?
What to do.
“Taehyung what do I do?” Jungkook bounced the question to his best friend. It had been a couple of days since the last time Jungook had called him in mental breakdown, because he had just kissed Park Jimin.
Taehyung was strangely cheerful and was being of little help.
“Oh does this mean that I have to cancel the dinner? It’s a pity, Hoseokkie had the Friday night free and so Namjoon. It was basically a miracle.”
Jungkook snorted because only Taehyung could come up with those comments at a time like this.
“Of course, you can still do the gathering, idiot. We didn’t have a fight and we just have, more like I have, to reconsider some things.”
“I like Jimin. I didn’t have anything against him even in high school, whatever you thought. But now that I know him better I like him even more. It’s the first person who can get you.”
“Get me how?”
“Just get you. You usually keep your guard up with people and I don’t blame you because you have the right to defend yourself from this ty world. With Hoseok it took you a while before you opened yourself, instead with Jimin Hyung it was so easy! He managed to make you do things that you had been neglecting yourself for years. You changed. You're changing. And it's nice.”
Jungkook didn’t know how to answer. It was true, he was changing. Yet Jungkook believed he mostly did the opposite, grabbing with all his might on his convictions.
Yet here I am reconsidering what a couple of months ago I considered unacceptable.
“I don’t want to change. They have already mutilated me enough. I won’t leave this part of me.”
“One thing does not exclude the other. Dream big! I know what you're capable of.”
Jungkook sighed. It would not be easy.
“You need to come here, Kookie? You know you're always welcome, you're pretty much our mascot.”
“You can use the word son! Thanks anyway, but I won’t come. I have to decide this for himself.”
Taehyung had muttered something to the phone which sounded something like “so mature” but he didn’t press further.
Jungkook then ended the call. He looked around for a long moment. He had put in order the whole house as it happened when he had too much stuff and too important that buzzed in his head. He needed air. He needed to understand.
So he grabbed the cell phone, some money and the iPod that he had loaded with all the songs from the first mixtape of Gloss and prepared himself to got out.
He knew there was something unhealthy about his actions, but Jungkook believed there was something he had to dig. Taehyung had told him that the first album of Gloss was different and Jungkook believed to know why.

His questions about the producer had not ceased to exist only because he had kissed Jimin. Even though it was a great kiss.
Was is pathetic, to listen to the words of Jimin first and only love?
Jungkook shook his head. As bizarre as it was, it made sense to him. So without further adieu, he went out into the warm afternoon sun. And he ran. He ran until his legs began to hurt him but did not stop.

Dream. Wherever you might be, it will be lenient. Dream. You will fully bloom after all the hardships.

Jimin had returned home pensive and brooding. He was sorry to hear that Hoseok had to experience that kind of pain. But he seemed happy with his choice, of how things had worked for him. Maybe a person actually didn’t know what they really wanted it was revealed to them. The change wasn’t always bad. He himself had changed.
Years ago he would have sworn that he would never get to move one foot out of the hole that had been his love for Yoongi. Yet it happened. And years later he fell in love even deeper than before.
Once back at home, he decided to prepare dinner, watch something on television, take a well-deserved shower and go to sleep early. There was nothing he could do.
So when the doorbell rang Jimin jumped two meters. He wasn’t waiting for anyone, unless.
He looked for his slippers forgotten in a corner, because he liked to move around barefoot in his apartment, before going toward the intercom to go and see who it was. However before he could take a step, the cell phone vibrated in the pocket of his jeans and when Jimin took it out, he saw that someone had texted him.
It's me.
Trying to collect himself, Jimin went to the intercom to press the button and open the door at the entrance. He heard the sound of the door opening.
He rested his forehead on the front door and waited. He felt thrilled and his heart was beating loudly.
Then he heard footsteps approaching and he opened the door before they had the chance to knock.
Jungkook was breathing hard and looked like someone who had just finished a marathon, it probably was so, judging from the sportswear and the earphones that protruded from the pocket of his tracksuit.

“Jungkook,” said Jimin. He wanted to ask him how he was but something in Jungkook’s eyes kept him from doing so.
“I’ve been thinking. For days. But then I couldn’t take it anymore and I went running and before I knew it I had run across the city twice, and when I stopped I realised that running was useless because basically I already know. You know. Our circumstances won’t change Hyung, I am Jeon Jungkook and you're Park Jimin and we are both numbers zero. “He paused as if he was searching the right words to continue and Jimin trembled.

“Jimin Hyung I do not think I know how to love, because I never thought to need it, to want it and even when in the past I have come close, everything collapsed like a house of cards. Yet I found myself thinking, that if I could stop time and make disappear all, I would still want you there. And without realising it, I ran here. To tell you that I don’t know how to love and that my friendship will always be better than whatever I can offer as something else. But when we are able to have more clarity, when, finally, we will know what will happen to us and things will go as you hoped, then maybe I could. Maybe we could if you want... “Jungkook said, his voice cracking at the end.
“You feel something for me?” asked Jimin with an equally broken voice.
“Yes,” said Jungkook, closing his eyes, “but I cannot think about it now. Not under these circumstances. “
Jimin was silent for a long time and Jungkook felt the need to say something, to know if everything made sense and if it was in his head. “And you Hyung, do you feel something?” He asked in a whisper as if he was afraid to know.
“From day one,” Jimin said and, looking the younger into his eyes, he saw him implode.
Jimin then stepped in Jungkook’s space and seeing that the younger wasn’t stopping him, he hugged him. Jungkook then did something that broke him, he hugged Jimin back, bringing him close to his chest nuzzling his neck and holding him like he was precious and with all the desire, the desperation and the fear threatening to spill out and destroy him but still not letting Jimin go.

It was not for numbers zero to love, it was not the numbers zero to have happiness.
This was just a moment stolen from a cruel world.

“Tomorrow. From tomorrow, we will behave well and we will wait for our fate to be revealed to us, and whatever it is, whatever you decide I'll always be by your side, in whichever form you’ll let me. But for today, for today stay with me.” Jimin said on his shoulder, holding back tears.
Jungkook didn’t need to be told twice, he took Jimin’s face in his hands and kissed him as if tomorrow was never going to come.