00.21

The phone kept ringing and ringing. It seemed like nobody was waiting on the other side of the line.

“C’mon hyung.”

I miss you too.

The line went dead. Jungkook bit his bottom lip. Hard.

“Jimin.”

He had heard that voice calling his name so many times before. He had heard him calling his name with such an undisguised softness. He had heard him calling him in the outburst of passion and then in the deep pit of sorrow. But that was a long, long time ago and that time would never come back and it was fine. It was fine. He didn’t need that voice anymore. He hadn’t needed it for a while now.

“Jimin, are you alright?” said the soft and raspy voice from the other side of the door. He didn’t answer, he just stared at the light coming from his phone as if he was hypnotized. He could go back inside his house, ignore that voice and answer Jungkook, pretending there wasn’t anybody waiting outside. He could, but he wouldn’t. Because he wouldn’t be able to lie and Jungkook would have realized that something was wrong and God knew how much he wanted Min Yoongi to stay as far as possible from his Jungkook.

He couldn’t bring himself to open the door either. If he opened that door, he would punch Yoongi in the face. Maybe, that was an alternative to take into consideration.

“I know you are there.” A long pause. “Fine don’t open the door. I will still talk from here.”

If Yoongi had added anything else, Jimin couldn’t really tell. He had tuned him out as soon as his phone stopped vibrating. He wanted Jungkook. Why was Min Yoongi at his door?

He stood up abruptly and then proceeded to yank the front door open.

“What do you want. You have two minutes then I will close this door and won’t re-open it again.” Jimin exclaimed glaring at the blond standing in front of him. Yoongi seemed startled, his newly dyed blond hair making him look more fragile. It wasn’t helping his case, because Jimin wanted to punch him for the unlucky choice of dye. Blonde Yoongi triggered bad memories.

“Hm, okay. Well, how are you?” Yoongi blurted out. Jimin arched a brow.

“Did you seriously came all this way just to ask me that? Geez, Yoongi. You are the one who has been pestering me lately. One would think you’d have your speech ready.”

“You know I at feelings. It’s not easy for me,” the other replied.

“I’m going to close this door,” Jimin sighed. He didn’t have time for this crap. He had to call Jungkook back and pray that the younger hadn’t misunderstood. He knew Yoongi had something to get off of his chest and maybe he himself had something too. And it was the only reason that had prevented him from ignoring him, even though he would have been excused, if he had done so. But even if that was the case, he wasn’t going to make it easy for the blonde.

“No, wait. Jimin!” Yoongi seemed to want to step in and stop Jimin from shutting the door, but he managed to control himself, aware that the number zero wouldn’t hesitate to slam the door on his face if he had thought he was a threat. And he really needed to say this. Jimin hesitated and Yoongi knew this was his cue to say it. He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. For everything. I’m sorry,” he said, looking the number zero straight into the eyes. Jimin eyes widened in shock, because Min Yoongi had been a lot of things, had done a lot of things, had loved him and then he had walked away and even when he had admitted that he had ed up he had never, not even once in ten years, never said anything akin to an apology.

That was why after a moment of astonishment, he kicked him in the groin.

Yoongi doubled on himself dropping one knee to the floor, hissing in pain.

“You’re sorry? You are sorry? After all this time you come here to bother me in my house and you say you are sorry? Does your wife even know that you’re here? Or did you just seriously think I would welcome you with open arms and tell you that I forgive you?” Jimin exclaimed, trying so hard not to shout because he didn’t want to disturb his neighbors. He took a deep breath. He said it. He finally, finally, had managed to take these words out of his chest. Because when he was 22, he was too broken to try to speak and get back at Min Yoongi.

“I’m sorry. Yes, I’m sorry and I’m not here just to ask for forgiveness or try to mend things, it would be impossible since I know I hurt you too deeply and that you moved forward. You love someone else. And yes, my wife knows that I’m here,” he said through his teeth, crouched on the floor. Jimin shook his head because her knowing didn’t make things magically better. But he decided not to voice it out, he wanted nothing to do with the blonde’s marriage. Never again.

“Even if I weren’t in love with someone else, it would still be a giant no Yoongi.”

“I know.”

Jimin sighed.

“I can’t forgive you Yoongi. I can’t say it. What I can say is that it has stopped hurting. It has stopped hurting a long time ago. We were young and reckless and it was my fault as much as it was yours, because I could have left you but I chose not to. More than anything I stopped hating you and I stopped hating myself. It belongs to the past. Stop tormenting yourself and stop tormenting me,” Jimin said. “It’s fine now.”

“I really did love you, Jimin. A lot. You were the only number zero I knew aside from my twisted family, the only one I cared about. I loved you but I still treated you badly.”

Jimin shrugged.

“You did. But you shouldn’t be here trying to fix it. There’s really no point on that.”

Yoongi stood up. He seemed a bit beaten up, but maybe also like there was less weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I met your Jeon Jungkook. Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t do or say anything dangerous to him. You’d be happy to know that he almost beat me up and he didn’t just because he wanted to leave the honor for you—and you fulfilled the task gracefully, I’d dare to say.” Yoongi said, lifting his hands in surrender. “He seems alright.” He added then, shrugging his shoulders.

“He’s a force of nature,” the other said smiling for the first time. Yoongi smiled back, sadly. He still loved Jimin. He would love him forever because he had come to terms with the fact that he had a split soul as well as a split heart. He couldn’t say that to Jimin, though. He would never say that to him because he finally got it. After all that time, he finally understood the words of Kim Seokjin.

“Sometimes love is about letting things go, Yoongi.”

Anyways, he had to look with his eyes that Jimin was going to be fine, that he hadn’t ruined the only number zero he had ever held dear to his heart.

“Will you be happy?”

“I guess. We are working on it actually,” he replied with another brilliant smile that was not meant for him. Every smile Jimin was flashing him, belonged to Jeon Jungkook.

“Good.”

Yoongi said relieved. He closed his eyes and looked at Jimin one last time before finally being able to tear his gaze apart and retreat back on his steps. There was nothing left to say.

“I hope you’ll be a good father,” Jimin shouted at him before he went too far, and he seemed sincere, almost the ghost of a Jimin who once used to care for him. Yoongi froze mid-step.

“How…?” Then he remembered a beautiful warm afternoon of May and two teenagers in love, talking about a big house with a garden, a dozen dogs and a family.

“I hope so too. I hope the world will be gentle with her, and I hope I’ll be able to be by her side from the beginning to the end.”

Yoongi had loved so much, he still loved so much but everything he wished for, everything they had wished for, had never happened.

There was a time he had dedicated those lyrics to a number zero when time and space had made clear that he wouldn’t be able to be with him and so he had wished those words could.

Now, after all those years, maybe those same words would help another number zero.

“Tell me...Tell me! Aren’t you going to tell your best friend?”

“Absolutely not.”

Jungkook passed by the Jung-Kim house just to take some medicine from the never empty drawer of the soon-to-be-doctor Hoseok. Maybe waiting outside in the pouring rain hadn’t been his smartest idea but he thought that watching Jimin’s face light up deserved a light cold.

What he didn’t deserve was a pestering Taehyung who wanted to know what Jungkook’s plans were and why he hadn’t told him anything about his plans. Apparently, Jimin had told Seokjin, who had told Hoseok who had told his soulmate.

Jungkook, however, had a series of reasons why he wanted to be secretive.

His hyungs would have likely tried to help him, but he didn’t want that. Even though it sounded selfish, he wanted to be the one making Jimin happy, he wanted to pamper him, to grant his every wish, to mend every harsh word Jungkook had said since their first meeting and that weird conversation with Yoongi had made this feeling stronger. He felt like Jimin was kind to everyone without asking for nothing in return, to his friends and to Jungkook since the beginning for some unknown reasons, even though he was sure he had been far from being lovable.

They had been a mess and they still kind of were, but Jungkook wanted to fix everything. More than anything, for the first time, he felt like wanting to take care of someone.

All my life I was taken care by Taehyung, then by Hoseok and ultimately by Jimin.

He needed to do this.

He needed to do it alone and in the distance. Like all his little gestures could remind Jimin that he would try to be there regardless.

Don't you think it would be nice to be able to share at least a bit of this burden with someone?

“Taehyung, what did I tell you yesterday? You promised you would let Kookie do it by himself,” Hoseok said, stepping into the living room with a big mug of hot tea with honey. Jungkook smiled gratefully.

“Fine. Don’t tell me,” Taehyung huffed, storming out of the kitchen. Jungkook, feeling a bit puzzled because it was unlike of Taehyung to be so sensitive, arched an eyebrow and looked at Hoseok quizzically. If he knew well his best friend, then something was bothering him.

“Sorry about that. I think it’s my fault. I might have told him not to pry too much in you love life. I know you are childhood friends, but I kind of got the feeling that you wanted to do this alone. He didn’t take it well,” Hoseok said, shaking his head.

“Thanks, hyung. You were right. Taehyung is my best friend, but this is my real first attempt at romance and even though I don’t know where to start from, I still feel like I have to try to do my best. For Jimin hyung,” Jungkook said, scratching his nape embarrassed.

“Ah, our Kookie is all grown up now!” he chirped.

“Hyung I’m 23. I’m not so much younger than you.”

“Still a baby to my eyes. You will always be mine and Taehyung's adopted son.” Jungkook laughed and Hoseok smiled back. But after a while he noticed that his hyung’s smile didn’t reach his eyes and stopped sipping from the mug to look at Hoseok. That was kind of rare.

His friend looked tired, it was understandable because since they had put him in the emergency unit, his shifts at the hospital had been awful. There was something else in there, though. And Jungkook had the feeling that maybe not even Taehyung, Hoseok’s precious Taehyung, had noticed.

“Hyung, are you alright?”

“Hmm? Peachy.”

“Are you sure? Is there anything bothering you?”

“Why would you ask that? Kookie I’m fine, don’t worry,” he replied waving a hand.

Jungkook tilted his back. For years Jungkook had lived his bond with Taehyung without worrying about overstepping boundaries. He and Taehyung were a given—something that didn’t need questions or explanations, and he still thought like that. But maybe, once again, he had been so focused on himself that he had missed, or choose to miss, something.

Then again, he could have never understood back then, because there was nothing he was afraid to lose. Now it was different, though. Very much different.

“You know he loves you right?” Jungkook blurted out. He didn’t know if it was that. He didn’t know if it was his place to tell his hyung something like that, but he felt like he could finally understand. Like him, Hoseok needed to hear those words, not matter how ridiculous it could seem from the outside to assure a soulmate about the love of his number one.

Hoseok looked at him being surprised, but Jungkook looked so serious that his gaze softened.

“I know. I know. But I’m not so nice like you or like Tae picture me. I too can be petty. Selfish.”

“You are the nicest person I have ever known hyung. Well, after Jimin.” Hoseok laughed at that.

“I’m flattered. It’s just… love sometimes can make you do weird things,” the older replied, brushing his fringe.

Ah. those same words Taehyung had said. Yes, definitely love could make people do weird things.

“Mmm you’re a bit warm Kookie. When you’re done drinking your tea, lie down a bit on the couch, ok? You don’t want for a cold to stop your wooing plans. I’ll go take a blanket for you,” he said, standing up. But before stepping away he squeezed Jungkook’s shoulder in a silent ‘thank you’. Hoseok was so nice.

Jungkook hoped that whatever was bothering Taehyung and Hoseok could be resolved easily.

It was Saturday night and he was exhausted. Luckily, the slight cold ended up being just that, a light cold indeed and after a good sleep and some drugs, he was back on his feet. He had been busy all week, studying hard for his finals, going to the last dance lessons and at the same time trying to plan what he could do next for Jimin. The day before he had made coffee delivered into his office, his hyung wasn’t one for coffee unless it was in the morning, or he had some hard project to do but he thought that if Jimin felt tired for the week much as much as he felt, maybe he would appreciate an energizer. He did and Jungkook received a text with a thank you and an emoticon some minutes after the delivery. He smiled like a high school girl.

No, love doesn’t make you do weird things. It makes you a fool.

Jungkook shook his head, trying to not doze off on the couch again. He came back from work had warmed up some pizza and then laid down on the couch with the tv as background sound. He had probably fallen asleep in the middle of an episode of his favorite series he and ended up crushing the remote control since the tv now was on 24 hours news channel. He blinked a couple of times trying to wake up and find the will to get up and go to sleep on an actual bed. Then the pictures on the tv distracted him.

“Breaking News: rough face off between two committees parades.” Jungkook felt suddenly awake.

He raised the volume and started to listen to the reporter. Apparently there were some disorders in the city center between the committee for the No and the one for the Yes.

On May 10th vote Yes.

He looked frantically for his phone and lightened up the screen. Less than two weeks to go.

He had forgotten. He had completely and absolutely forgotten. For months it was all that he could think about but now it was gone. He had forgotten. A part of him wanted to be upset about it but he wasn’t. Of course he still thought it was criminal even suggesting the referendum, to begin with, but he waited for his blood to boil and it didn’t Yes he still didn’t want to get married. He was still against the referendum and yes he definitively disagree with his parents. But that didn’t change his love for Jimin.

All along he had feared Jimin would ruin anything and in some way he did but for the better. He hadn’t lost himself. He still had his beliefs, but he loved Jimin and he didn’t felt like it was wrong.

He laughed.

It was all so messed up, so upside down, the world had moved on and Jungkook did too. And what he thought would bring him down, was, in fact, elevating, piecing him together.

Jungkook had wanted a life for himself, it was his choice his last stronghold against this sick society. It was his purpose in life and he thought he would be happy if he fulfilled it. Even if it meant being eaten alive by the weight of loneliness. He thought it was a life worth living and he didn’t see wrong in that. There wasn’t.

Then he met Jimin. And maybe that didn’t suddenly turn him in a marriage machine, but it did make him feel less lonely, like he didn’t necessarily need to fight his battles alone. That maybe he could do it hand in hand with someone.

I will show you how a number zero can be happy.

With a smile on his lips, Jungkook turned off the tv. He took his phone and rearranged the cushions, and while he was at it, he browsed on his phone for flower shops open on Sunday. He then set his alarm earlier because he wanted to do something for Jimin before his shift and then, finally, he fell asleep. He had never slept better.

Jimin closed the door.

Yoongi had never looked back and Jimin was glad. It was true he couldn’t forgive him however he still wished he could find some peace on his own.

He had closed a door but it felt as if he had just closed his past too. He sighed leaning his forehead on the wood.

Jimin waited to feel some sort of emptiness or any other emotion, but there was nothing left and he felt relieved. There had been a tiny part of him that had been tied to Yoongi, but now it was gone and everything Jimin was now was just his and, of course, of Jungkook. If he would like to.

Speaking of the younger, he took out his phone from his back pocket to check the situation.

There was only one missed call and no texts. The older slightly panicked. It made sense, he said to himself. Jungkook probably thought Jimin didn’t want to talk.

He moved towards the kitchen to take a glass of water and sit down. Trying to calm himself down maybe.

Once he did all those things exactly in that order, he took one last breath and proceeded in pressing the button call.

Jungkook answered on the fourth ring.

“Hyung?” came the voice of the younger from the other part. It felt raspy and unsure, but so him.

“Jungkook,” Jimin said, unable to articulate further. He wanted to shout I miss you and I want to see you, but somehow he felt the need to explain himself.

“Hyung is everything alright? I tried to call you before but…” Jungkook’s voice became a whisper.

“Sorry about that. Something came up suddenly and I couldn’t’ answer. Even I was dying to take your call.” He scolded himself though. He had to be honest, he didn’t want to start something with Jungkook by lying.

“Actually, someone came up. More like Min Yoongi came up. But it was the last time. He won't’ come again. I sorted everything out.”

A heavy silence followed his words and Jimin nibbled his lips nervously. What if Jungkook vented on him like that day of the showcase. Namjoon had said to trust him in this, but Jungkook was so young and it was ok for him to be scared. Jimin would be too.

“Just—did you kick his ?”

Jimin felt taken aback.

“I kicked him in the groin. Does it count?”

“Good. Then it’s fine,” Jungkook said, suddenly giddy.

Jimin laughed.

“I even slammed the door on his face if it makes you feel any better.”

“Am I bad person of I say yes?”

“Min Yoongi has this effect on people. Go ask Jin hyung. So no.”

“I bet. Jokes aside hyung, I hope you cleared up what you had to. He was an important part of your life, and even if he makes me angry you have every right to straighten out things and talk to him. Besides, he called me out and he told he was going to talk to you eventually,” Jungkook concluded sighing.

“Please don’t worry about that. You’re right, he was an important person—but in the past. I hope I made myself clear enough for you to understand I have someone else who is important to me now.

“Who?”

“It’s you, brat. Or did you want so much to hear me say it?”

It was Jungkook’s turn to laugh.

“I got caught. And thanks, hyung. Thanks for being honest with me. To say the truth I’m kind of relieved. For a moment when you didn’t’ answer, I thought you changed your mind.”

“I would never. I was the one who texted you. I really miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Jungkook said. Jimin sighed contently, and then he said what he had been wanting to say for days.

“I want to see you Jungkook. I really want to see you”

“I want to see you too. I’m sorry if it took me so long to come around. Then I wanted to do things the right way and so even more time passed. But yes, let’s meet. Actually, let me rephrase that. Hyung would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Yes,” Jimin said in a one go without even waiting for the younger to articulate his last syllable.

“Good. Then let’s meet. Tomorrow. After your work.”

“Let’s meet tomorrow. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too. Goodnight Jimin,” Jungkook whispered sweetly.

“Goodnight.”

Maybe, just maybe tomorrow could be a new beginning.

Author's note: will our protagonists be able to meet? ;)

Some lasts words about Yoongi (he won't appear again, don't worry). Jimin kept citing the words Yoongi told him that afternoon about having a crisis if he'd ever happen to be a father. Yoongi is going to be the father of  baby girl, a number zero. Yoongi said: you were the only number zero I held dear yet I hurt you, from there it stems his doubt and crisis. Jungkook had listened to Gloss album, Faraway was the track Yoongi dedicated to Jimin. Now he hopes those words can be a  good omen for his daughter too, another number zero. She would likely be the love of his life ( he can't have Jimin and he'll have to live with that, but he still got a happy ending, somehow).