00.19

A world for two

00.19

 

Once upon a time Jimin thought he knew what love was.

Love was having someone who greets you in the morning and before you went to sleep. Love were the shoulders you could lean your head on to take a nap.

Love was Yoongi waiting for his dance lessons to finish to go home together.

He lately found out, love was none of that.

 

 

 

 

 

In retrospect, Jimin should have expected something like this.

He saw him waiting inside a parked car outside his house and that should have been enough of a warning. However, if he expected some type of confrontation, he surely hadn’t anticipated this. Maybe should have. He had awfully perfect timing when it came to him, like he was waiting for Jimin to be well to just sneak out on his life again. It used to be his favorite hobby back then.

But this time it was different. This time Jimin wasn’t just fine, he was happy.

“Are you Park Jimin?”

A young man, probably a volunteer, addressed him while he was still chattering with his friends. The conversation was halted by the surprise appearance and Jimin nodded to the guy, not quite believing when the man said, “Then this is for you,” before being handed a beautiful bouquet—his favorite flowers to top it all. Jimin thanked him, while the others started to fuss around him when it was clear none of them was the responsible of the present. For a moment—for a brief moment—Jimin wished that Jungkook was behind this, that he went out because he was being his shy self and couldn’t bear seeing the scene of Jimin with his flowers. He knew it was too much of a wishful thinking because they were so far from that, even though he intimately hoped that today had marked a turning point between them.

The feeling of his lips on his own was still fresh and tangible, but they still had to talk, still have to confront each other.

Then, he saw the note.

It was attached messily on one of the laces that tightened together the flowers and it could be passed unobserved if it weren’t for the content.

“The lights still get brighter. M.Y.”

I can ’t get enough of watching you dance Jimin. When you dance it seems like the lights get brighter.

Jimin tossed the bouquet away and Seokjin had to react quickly otherwise they would have landed harshly on the ground—which would be a pity, at least for the beauty of the flowers.

“Jimin, what..?” Seokjin started, but he was interrupted by the most scary words Jimin has heard in a while.

“Funny, your dance partner had a similar reaction,” the guy commented a bit surprised. Jimin’s blood froze in his veins.

“Where is he?”

“He also asked me the same question!” the guy exclaimed, shocked. Jimin gulped at the information even though he knew he wasn’t asking about the same he, the younger had referred. Because he, for sure, had meant Jungkook and him only.

“Where is he?” he repeated, stopping himself for a mere miracle from shouting.

“In the atrium.”

Jimin sprinted away deaf to his friends' protests. They would soon find out, and if possible, Seokjin would sprint faster than him.

Jungkook. His mind screamed.

How much time had passed between Jungkook finding out and he receiving the bouquet? How much? And what connection had the younger made to have run after the other as soon as he found out he was there.

Please. Please.

He didn’t know what he was asking, he just knew he had to protect Jungkook.

The lights of the atrium blinded him for a moment. The first thing he noticed was Jungkook’s back. He was standing a couple of lengths from him and he exhaled a bit relieved. He was still there, he was on time maybe. But he also noticed his posture was rigid and that he was clenching his fists.

Then, even though he didn’t want to, his gaze moved from him.

Yoongi was standing there, frozen in his spot too, clothed in a probably expensive suit but still Jimin found him messy, disheveled, his jacket open and as well as some buttons, his hair not perfectly done and above all, his gaze quivering. Yoongi didn’t have any right to have that gaze and it wasn’t fair for Jimin to be able to get those details even after all those years.

But none of that mattered. Even if Jimin would have been able to read Yoongi so well in another ten, twenty years it didn’t necessarily have to mean something. Just that Jimin was a good observer. The person that mattered and that had his attention was the one on his side.

“Yoongi,” Jimin said trying to regain his breath, his eyes however worriedly went back to Jungkook, but the younger didn’t seem to notice.

“Jimin.” It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t. Jimin wanted to kick him or punch him in the face.

It was like those words had unfrozen the scene and in the blink of the eye he saw Jungkook regain life and step back. Jimin tried to move fast and managed to grab Jungkook’s wrist before the younger could bolt away. Jungkook seemed surprise by Jimin’s gesture, like he wasn’t expecting it at all. And that, more than everything else, hurt him the most.

“Aren’t you going to greet an old friend properly?” Yoongi asked from his spot. Jimin snorted as he unwillingly faced him again.

“Drop it. This is not the place to have this conversation. I don’t know what you were thinking, coming here, giving me flowers.”

“I probably wasn’t thinking at all. I wanted to see you dancing again at least once, though,” Yoongi said chuckling, but he was sincere and Jimin knew that. The words more than the show Yoongi had tried to put up was what got through him—along with that sense of finality.

Suddenly the words of a young Yoongi echoed in his head.

Believe me, if it ever happens I would probably freak out and do something extremely stupid.

But Jimin couldn’t dwell on those words for too long because he felt Jungkook freeing his wrist.

“I’m going back,” he said with a flat tone, with the tone someone would use to read a shopping list.

He didn’t wait for Jimin’s reply and just turned back towards the hallway.

“Wait, I’m coming with you,” the older said because he couldn’t give a about Yoongi.

“Jimin hyung. You can stay,” he said gently, but more than anything, he said it with pain.

It was like someone had knocked out the air from his lungs, the familiar sensation of having something slip through your fingers and Jimin wouldn’t allow for that to happen again, not this time, not with Jungkook. But he couldn’t move, he couldn’t ing move, he was glued to his spot as he saw Jungkook’s back getting farther away.

“Why are you here,” Jimin said after a while, like that question was costing him a lot. He shouldn’t be here, he should have ran after Jungkook.

“I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to see you.”

Without him realizing it, Yoongi had covered the distance between them and was now in front of him.

Had he always looked so small and frail? He had seen Yoongi not even a month before, but at that time he hadn’t paid attention not like now, that Yoongi was occupying his personal space.

“Well I didn’t.”

And without adding anything else, Jimin finally regained some strength and had all the intention to leave Yoongi there.

“That guy, Jungkook. What is he to you?” The older asked searching Jimin’s gaze. Jimin thought Yoongi didn’t ing have any right to ask something like that but he took the chance nonetheless.

“He’s someone whom I’m in love with.”

Jimin said and without further ado, not even a glance, left a stunned Yoongi in the atrium.

 

 

 

 

Jungkook knew he had just done the only thing he shouldn’t had done. But he could not bear to stay there a minute more, even if it meant losing to that bastard. He was feeling too much and he was hurting too much, because what was he to Jimin when compared to the one who had been pretty much the love of his life? He could not even behave as if Jimin were his because he was not.

It was Jungkook’s own decision that made it so.

Jungkook bitterly shook his head, because his dreams always ended costing him so much.Besides Jimin was only of himself and he would have been any better than Min Yoongi if he started to act and think like that. The only one who had the right to put Yoongi into place it was Jimin. Or decide to take him back and Jungkook would have to accept it.

Was it a possibility? For Jimin to go back to his past lover?

Somehow in all his pondering he never considered that eventuality, it seemed so ridiculous, so foreign. Still Yoongi was there, acting like he had been all along.

Min Yoongi. everything.

He felt his heart tighten. It hurt so bad.
In the present time Jungkook had two options : run to the toilet and hide in thre forever and hope that Jimin had the good sense not to follow him; or return from their group of friends, who probably would have had a lot of questions and wanted to know what had happened, and ask them to take it home.
Returning home seemed the most painless solution, but he knew it would had been the behavior of a moody teenager instead of the one of an adult, a man. Part of him wanted to be this for Jimin.

There’s nothing wrong, in running from the things that scare us, Kookie.

Finally he went to the bathroom. After all, he had business to do, and maybe if he was lucky he could to drown himself in the sink. He could at least try.


After finishing, he closed the door of the cabin strongly behind him and walked slowly toward the sinks. He could not help but look at his reflection in the mirror. He had been so happy. Not even a quarter of an hour before he had been so happy. And look at me now. I have the look of a man on the gridiron.

He washed his face with the cold water.

Don’t fool yourself Jungkook, you could never achieve love.

Was this love? Were these confusing feelings love?

Love was supposed to feel empowering and not something that can shatter you at any moment.

Do I love him? He asked himself, observing the drops of water falling from his face like tears.

 

Of course he should have known he was going to be right. When he looked up he could see Jimin in the reflection. He was standing at the door like he was afraid to get near.

Jungkook could, sadly, understand the feeling.

“Are we ok Jungkook?” Jimin asked tentatively.

Jungkook didn’t know what to reply. He opted for saying something else.

“Did you know he was there that night, waiting inside his car, parked outside your house. And that he was still there the morning after?”

Jimin seemed taken aback.

“I knew about the night.”

Jungkook shook his head.

He couldn’t stay there. He felt stuffed, like having Jimin there was going to make him crazy. He had to get out. He tried to pass by Jimin, but the older didn’t let him.

“What’s going on Jungkook? I can’t understand. I thought we were fine. Just minutes before we…”

“Yes I kissed you. I kissed you, but then this happened and what the heck are we doing? Don’t you see that we are running towards a dead end, no matter how much we try to make it right? This can’t work, our friendship can’t work."Jungkook said desperately, because it was true that being friends was a title too tight even if he couldn’t admit it aloud. He knew deep down that it wasn’t him talking but his fear.

“I know you don’t think like that. Not really. If Yoongi had never showed up we wouldn’t have had this conversation.

“Maybe, Who knows. But he came so we’ll never know.”

“It’s not my fault! I didn’t call him!”

“You didn’t exactly throw him out either!” Jungkook replied back.

“Are we really having this conversation? Jungkook do you hear yourself?”

“I can’t do this now hyung, let me go out!”

“No. If I let you go out now I’m afraid it would be the last.”

Jungkook felt like being pierced part to part. He would never. Three months ago he would had been happy to get rid of Jimin, he would had been delighted.

“Don’t you remember, hyung? Didn’t’ I tell you that even if I could stop time and erase everything I would still want you in my life? You should had understood then." Jungkook said in a trembling voice.
That was enough to make Jimin hesitate and Jungkook used that moment to stomp out the toilet and go back the backstage. He had to find Taehyung, but he wasn’t able to do more than two steps into the hallway.

“I love you. Jungkook, I love you. That time I told you I cared about you—I was lying. Because ‘care’ is too much of an understatement to define what I feel for you. I love you. Everything. The best and the worst, because it’s still you; the brave young man I fell in love with.”

Jungkook stopped, not knowing if run or turn and hug Jimin and never let him go.

Love. Someone loved him. Jimin loved him.

“Jimin. I…” but he wasn’t able to finish. He couldn’t get his words out. He felt terrified—scared to death. Because love wasn’t for zeroes. Love wasn’t for him. Love makes you lose your mind. Love makes you fall off a building. Love makes you die.

He felt like he was thirteen once again hiding in his closet.

“Do you love me?” Jimin whispered taking a step towards him, then two, until his hand was touching tenderly Jungkook’s cheek. He shook all over, the touch burning him to the core.

“Possibly. Probably. But I don’t know if it’ll be enough to make it right.” To save us, to make us happy. Love wasn’t just enough.

He didn’t wait for Jimin’s reply, he just ran back stage, he didn’t care any more about facing his friends, he needed to get back home.

He completely ignored Seokjin’s questions when he entered the room. He just focused on his best friend, Taehyung had to understand. He did. Because his features turned hard. He ran towards him, Hoseok tailing after him.

“I’m sorry guys, you went so far to come here, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to stay for dinner.”

Jungkook blurted out. Seokjin and Namjoon smiled sadly. Jungkook for a moment thought the blond would have lashed at him. Instead, when he passed by his side in the entrance, he squeezed gently his shoulder.

“He’s still in the toilet. Please, hyung, take care of him.” For me. Jungkook said. Seokjin nodded. As soon as the couple went out of the room, Jungkook felt his knees wobble and ended up collapsing on Taehyung.

“It’s going to be all right, Kookie. It’s going to be all right. I’m taking you home,” Taehyung whispered gently into his ear. Jungkook nodded on his shoulder. Hoseok patted his head even more gently. Together they dragged him out of there.

Possibly. Probably.

Too much.

 

 

 

 

 

It was like emerging from a very bad dream, the borders borders of reality unclear.
Jungkook woke up three days later still weak fort the remains of the fever.
Apparently he had been lying in bed semi-conscious for days. He hadn’t heard from Jimin since then. He felt so stupid. He felt such a failure. Jimin surely hated him, Seokjin and Namjoon probably hated him too. He could almost imagine the satisfied smile on the face of Min Yoongi.

After he had time to marinate his emotions and had long hours to devote to reflection, he felt worse every time he went back to the events of that day.
He realized that he probably had reacted in the worst way possible in front of one of the most common feelings related to love feelings: jealousy. He had been jealous and a coward to top it all. Although the meeting had finally pushed him to admit his feelings, he had not been able to keep his ground and he had ruined his declaration.

Jungkook remembered Taehyung had whispered a few words to him, while his hair in an attempt to calm him down from the nightmares and the fever.

"You're like a puppy. So eager, restless, yet so inexperienced. You will learn. That’s what life for in the end."

Jungkook looked at the lunch container resting on the kitchen counter with the soup of the day. Taehyung had left it there for him. Jungkook had thought it was probably Hoseok who cooked it for him because Taehyung couldn’t even cook to save his life. Then he remembered seeing this same purple container with chipped edges in one of Jimin’s shelves. When he asked if that was indeed Jimin’s doing, his best friend didn’t deny it.

Jungkook cried in silence over it, embracing the lunch box as if he wanted to absorb its heat. He did not deserve it. He did not deserve Jimin nor his love.

How do you overcome fear, hyung?

Jungkook had wanted to call and beg for forgiveness so many times, but every single time he had thought of doing it, he stopped in shame. Jimin didn’t need just words or empty promises. Jungkook had to overcome his fear before taking a step.

Once he recovered from the fever, he went back to lessons and work but for a week he did n’t go back to dancing. He didn’t want to meet Jimin, not yet. Not until he had a plan to fix it all somehow. What are you doing Jungkook. What the hell are you doing?
A few days later, he received a call from Teacher Lee who basically requested his presence in the classroom.

"I've already lost one of my best students. I do not intend to lose you too. There are only a few lessons left, you can’t miss them."

"Jimin didn’t come?" Jungkook asked alarmed because the only other top student could be Jimin and him alone.

"I thought you knew already Jeon. Anyway, are you coming or not?"

Jungkook came back just to see if what Master Lee had said was true because he could not believe it. Jimin had insisted on coming here, he was the one with talent. He had to be there. But he was not. Jungkook continued to stare at the empty spot on his right.

The younger didn’t understand why Jimin cared about him enough to cook him some soup, but apparently not well enough to see Jungkook. You can’t exactly blame him, his brain suggested.

When the dance lesson ended, Jungkook ran to the front desk hoping to talk to Seokjin.
Luckily he was still there. He was clearing the desk, but he was still there.


"Hyung. Hyung I need to talk to you." Seokjin raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t look threatening. He just looked tired.

"Jungkookie. Tell me."

"Is Jimin Hyung all right?" He asked. The face of Seokjin turned funny, more like the picture of exasperation.

"He is fine."

"Thank God," Jungkook sighed. Seokjin didn’t use words like kind of, or none of your business, then probably Jimin was really good. Jungkook wanted nothing more than knowing his hyung was fine.

"And you Jungkook. Are you okay?"

"Me?"

" Yes, you. There's a certain someone who continues to ask me about you. I'm going to tell you what I told him. Why don’t you ask him in person?"

"Jimin asked about me?"

"No Namjoon."

"Oh.."

"Of course it was Jimin, silly. For being two people fond of each other, really, you are doing everything to make things as difficult as possible.
Jungkook deflated on the desk.

"That is mostly my fault."

Seokjin sighed.

"Honestly Jungkook I’m not even mad at you. And I can tell you that Jimin had stopped to be mad too. Nobody expected you to do everything right on your first try even though we kind of hoped so, no offense. Plus, the circumstances have been ruined by... "

He paused to frown.

“Although we will never know how it would have ended, I know you care about Jimin. I also know how difficult it is to win your fears. Love can scare you to death, I know that so well. That said, if you care for him, it’s up to you to find a way to make it work Jungkook, because god knows if Jimin has done his part. Find a way, or the best thing that ever happened to you in life, would slip through your fingers and all this suffering would be pointless. "

"I'm trying. With all my might. I want to come back to stay this time." Jungkook replied, finally realizing that maybe Jimin had disappeared to do him, once again, a favor: to give him time to heal his wounds and find the answers.

"Don’t waste too much time in figuring it out." Jungkook nodded.

"I won’t. I love him, hyung. I love Jimin."

"Finally." Seokjin exclaimed slapping his nape. Jungkook did not complain, he thought he deserved worse. "And don’t cry. You are an ugly crier, kid."

The younger nodded sniffing.

"Good." Seokjin said and his slap turned into an affectionate caress.

He should have said it from the start.
At that moment Jungkook swore that never again he would let his fears speak for him, that he would become stronger, so that there was a day when no one would have to comfort him.

He inhaled. Yes, admitting the truth had made him feel better, free.

Like a bird that can finally spread his wings.

He loved Jimin. Perhaps he had done it from the start but his atrophied himself, still locked up in the cupboard to stem the world, had failed to recognize the feeling. Jimin had set him free. And now a myriad of sensations, those that he had killed for years to survive to his own tragedy, jealousy, desire, envy, anger, affection, sense of belonging, love, were finally tipping out timidly on the ruins of his once dead heart.
Free. It would have been so simple to say it right away but perhaps he needed to destroy to understand. Feeling was not a weakness, loving someone was not the end of the world. But the beginning.

At last he could run in the world with open eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

“It’s kind of creepy, you know. First I found you outside of Jimin hyung’s apartment and now this. This is seriously stalking material,” Jungkook said, arms crossed as he sat rigidly on the park bench.God, how much he hated him. Since he had opened the box were he had secluded his feelings, he now liked to let his emotions run.

“Well. First, I wasn’t there for you. And second, I had to beg on my knees to have your number so I think we are even. My dignity for your time.” The other said exhaling a puff of smoke.

“Should I be flattered?”

The older man shrugged.

“Do you really have to smoke?” Jungkook said flapping his hand to disperse the smell.

“Sorry bad habit. I’m just nervous and smoking helps me.”

Jungkook didn’t say anything for a while. Then he sighed.

“Just tell me. I don’t want to stay here more than necessary.”

“I thought you wanted to talk to me too.”

“Yes. That was before. Now, I don’t care so much. I can always ask you later though.”

The man finally threw the cigarette away and turned to look at Jungkook.

He had no longer grey hair but it was blond, the same color Jungkook remembered him having during high school.

He still couldn’t believe he was seated on a park bench talking with none other than Min Yoongi.

 

 

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
selena32197
41 streak #1
Chapter 35: Wow, it's amazing how you created such a beautiful and unique fanfic from your friend's comment. And the fact that you dreamed about it and remembered it too. This was a great journey that I'm glad I was able to be a part of :')
selena32197
41 streak #2
Chapter 34: I live for Jimin sassily correcting the cashier
selena32197
41 streak #3
Chapter 33: It's sad how their meeting wasn't as perfect as it ahould've been and that they might not even be each other's soulmates :( but I'm glad their relationship's healthy and loving now!!
selena32197
41 streak #4
Chapter 32: Ahh, this chapter was really cute with vhope!! :')
selena32197
41 streak #5
Chapter 30: A split soul and heart sounds hard to deal with :( but I'm glad things are finally sorted now!!
selena32197
41 streak #6
Chapter 29: I was so ready for things to be all fluffy between Jungkook and Jimin, but with you as the author, I'm not too surprised from the cliffhangers anymore : ) Oops I Did It Again is one of my favorite songs by her though :')
selena32197
41 streak #7
Chapter 28: This was a sad and beautiful chapter. The details to Yoongi's and yoonmin's backstory was great. I would love to give you as many compliments as I can give you
selena32197
41 streak #8
Chapter 27: Jungkook is finally ready to accept his feelings (yay!) but confrontation with Yoongi (ejdjsk)
selena32197
41 streak #9
Chapter 26: oHHh sNAp
selena32197
41 streak #10
Chapter 25: This is going to get interesting