00.20

It was the first dance competition he took part back then in high school. Jungkook remembered being extremely nervous, he was too young to be given a solo but he was chosen to be part of the main crew so he was happy of that. He had been worried about the audience being small since the competition coincided with a decisive match of the basketball team. Luckily, it hadn’t been the case.

Despite his personal irritation towards the number zero, Jungkook never had the chance to know Jimin on the dance floor. For the time he was accepted in the club the older had already quit. So he didn’t expect him to be there. He was kind of sure he was going to be anywhere but there, wasn’t the captain of the basketball team playing that day?

With that strange fascination Jungkook couldn’t help to have towards the older, he identified him immediately among the crowd. He was perched in the farthest seat on bleachers, almost hiding behind a column.

He was looking at them intensely and of course young Jungkook didn’t understand then.

He realized only three years later when it came his turn to quit.

That, had been longing.

The realization of losing what to you loved the most.

Jungkook was eying the older with a weird twitch running through his veins. It was like he had been balancing his weight on the edge of a cliff, just a second away from jumping.

This young man seated next to him—did he even have any idea?

Finally. Finally Yoongi shut his mouth. A heavy silence filled the air.

Jungkook stood up, taking some nervous steps.

“Are you done?”

Yoongi turned to stare at him, suspicious.

“I am.”

“Thank God. I can go now,” Jungkook said, putting the bag that was being abandoned on the bench over his shoulder.

“What?” Yoongi jumped on his feet, and it was the most movement Jungkook had seen him do. The older looked angry all of a sudden. Good, the younger thought, enjoying getting on the nerves of Yoongi.

“Bye.”

Before Jungkook could take a step further he felt a hand on his shoulder, grabbing him hard.

“Get that hand off of me,” Jungkook hissed.

“What if I don’t?” The older mocked him. The younger lost all of the little patience he had left. He tossed his bag to the ground and in a swift movement he turned around and grabbed Yoongi from the hems of his coat.

“You’ll regret it.”

But the composer didn't seem fazed, and if possible, it made Jungkook angrier. He had to stay there, having to listen to this man's story, plus a story he didn't want to know. He had been torn between running or beating him up.

Min Yoongi didn't have the right to speak his heart out, he didn’t have the right to have Jungkook feel bad for him, because he knew there was someone else who deserved all his feelings—and it wasn’t Min Yoongi.

“ Are you going to beat me up, kid?” Yoongi chuckled. Even though he knew he probably couldn't stand a chance with Jungkook at a physical level, he still had the nerve to act cocky.

“I have to stay here for who knows how long and hear you talking all this bull. What do you want from me? What do you think you accomplished? Do you think you have the exclusive of sob stories? Well wake up dude, because we are all suffering. I’m a number zero and I had my own amount of to go through. And if I stopped a random number zero right here, right now, he could tell you his sob story too. Do you think you had it hard? Do you even hear yourself when you talk or did you just forget? Did you forget about Jimin?” Jungkook shouted at him tightening his grip.

“I could never forget him. Never,” Yoongi said suddenly pissed.

“Maybe you should. You’d be less of an . Because god knows if he doesn’t need you to remind him everything, every time you decide to show your face.”

“Jimin doesn’t need a bodyguard. He can speak for himself.” Jungkook let him go, disgusted.

“Of course he can.”

The two of them scowled at each other.

“I was there. I was there and I was one of the most unfair people to him. I judged him when I shouldn’t and that is going to be something I regret forever. But you…you—”

“I bounded him with my promise. I used his loved for my own advantage because I needed him and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him. And even when our love lost his roots to become only despair, he still couldn’t let me go because he knew I needed him. Yes Jeon Jungkook, I know. I know.” Yoongi closed his eyes and Jungkook, despite boiling in anger, wasn’t so in need to rush away anymore. What the heck did he want?

“He would wait for you for hours in the cold. He was picked on by everyone in school. They mocked him because of his promise to you. He had to quit dancing before time. I don’t know if you can imagine the pain of the loss because you don’t dance, but I do. I get it. You had it bad. I get it because I know sufferance myself and you were young and confused. But you weren’t the year after and the year after when nothing changed. Maybe he can find it in himself to forgive you. I won’t. Because I love him and every wound, every little scar he has—it hurts me too. So Min Yoongi, stay away. Even if I don’t have the right to ask it for him, I'm going to say it anyway. Stay the away.”

Yoongi sighed while Jungkook kept looking at him like he was ready to fight him if the older refused. He was.

“It won’t be a walk in the park even if you two love each other. You are going to have to pretend and the majority of people would still not understand. Your commitment had to be strong because it’s sure as hell that the malicious intent of the outside is going to be. They will try to belittle your bond and humiliate you at any chance because of who you are, because of your choices, till the point that you would start to doubt what initially brought you together. So Jeon Jungkook, are you ready to face all this?”

Jungkook chuckled. He put his hands in his pockets and stared at the clear blue sky with some clouds at the distance.

“You got the question wrong. You should have asked the two of us. It’s not only about me, you know.”

Jimin are you out there?

It was lunch hour for Jimin, so maybe there was a chance he was looking from the window of his workplace, watching this same sky. A life with Jimin—it had sounded so scary in the beginning because Jungkook didn’t know he had wanted one, if was able to have one, if he could accept the fact without feeling the burning defeat in front of the system. But there was no losing in love, and even if Jimin would take him far from his beginning it would still be fine because he had nothing to fear. They would be together. Leaning on each other and trying to overcome the problems yet to come.

If he would let him.

“I see.” Yoongi replied. He had sounded like someone who was finally coming home.” Jungkook arched an eyebrow. The older man didn’t say anything he just adjusted the coat Jungkook had messed before, with all the intention to leave.

“That’s it?” Jungkook asked surprised by the actions of the older.

“That’s it, kid.” Yoongi this time laughed. Jungkook looked at him like he was being delusional.

“I still want to talk with Jimin even if I know you are not ok with it. Like you said only he can tell, though. But don’t worry I won’t go asking for second chances or whatever your fantasy might have feared,” Yoongi said, dismissing Jungkook’s reply. “You said some words today, I count you on that.” And without saying anything else but just waving at him lazily, the older walked away.

What manipulative bastard, he thought.

But as the Yoongi’s back got smaller, Jungkook kind of got the feeling that was really the last time he would see him again.

Jimin wherever you are. It’s time I try of fix every little piece that my fear had broken.

They had been hard days.

Jimin didn’t really know how to feel. One moment he wanted to break into Jungkook’s apartment and demand an explanation because it wasn’t only up to him to decide if love could be enough.

The rest of the time was spent reflecting upon Jungkook’s last words.

Possibly. Probably. Could it be considered a love confession?

Jimin remembered well the gaze the younger had when he told him those words. It was the same gaze Jimin was sure he had when he did his. He wanted to hide under a pillow just at the thought. He had said it, all that time trying to keep it inside and then a moment was enough to spill it all.

Yes, Park Jimin had fallen in love with Jungkook. The only thing that he regretted was the timing chosen to say such a declaration. It didn’t sit well with him that Min Yoongi had been the catalyst of his emotional outburst.

The moment he had shown at the showcase, Jimin knew things were going to get complicated. He didn’t even want to know why Min Yoongi had suddenly the urge to come see him. It was ridiculous in so many ways, like Yoongi had gone out of his mind.

I’ll probably do something stupid. Yes, indeed Min Yoongi, Jimin thought.

In the end, both he and Jungkook had been affected by his presence, resulting in that epic fail that was that night. It was bound to happen, tried to resonate Jimin. They were bound to face the elephant in the room. This radio silence, however, wasn’t the outcome he had wished for.

Because it’s been a week since the last time he heard of Jungkook.

The true was. He sure had been angry, but his irritation had merely lasted 24 hours, and more than anything, he wanted to understand was what he could do next.

Surprisingly, he found in Seokjin an unsuspected source of wisdom. His best friend was a sweetheart, but he hated Yoongi’s guts and he had watched Jungkook with suspicion at the beginning. So Jimin didn’t expect to find him so calm.

“Come sit down and let’s talk,” Seokjin had said, forcing Jimin to eat dinner with him and Namjoon. It was the day after the infamous night and Jimin felt a bit shaken up. The dinner had been uneventful and rather funny. It was like the world had flipped over because Seokjin had been rather collected while Namjoon, usually the voice of reason, looked dejected. Every time he looked at Jimin, he smiled apologetically.

“Joonie. It’s not your fault,” Seokjin had said after Namjoon had nearly knocked out their plates.

“It is, though. Isn’t it?” He said sarcastically. Seokjin squeezed his shoulder and Namjoon sighed. The gesture was enough to soothe him a little and when talked to Jimin he did it with no trace of irritation in his voice.

“I was the one who told Yoongi you were dancing again Jimin. I’m sorry. I thought it would help him to give up and leave you alone.”

Jimin had watched him intently but then shrugged.

“It’s fine Namjoon,” he said pinching his nose. So Min Yoongi had asked about him, enough for Namjoon to have to resolve to spill the beans. “You couldn’t know. Besides, he is the last of my problems. I know how to handle him. What it’s worrying me is Jungkook.”

“Oh,” Namjoon replied positively surprised. “I guess, I understand that.”

Jimin smiled sadly.

After the anger had finally gone out of his system, the younger was the only thing that filled his mind. And the question that was tormenting him.

Was it that painful? Was it that terrifying for Jungkook to love him?

Jimin didn’t understand, after all, he had never been afraid to love.

“Love can be terrifying to some of us Jimin. You had always been a brave person and so you wouldn’t know. Don’t you ever think it’s because of you, because it’s not. Some battles are purely internal. After all, we are the first enemy of ourselves,” Namjoon told him, throwing a look to his soulmate.

“I get it somehow. I know enough of Jungkook to see what love have meant for him all these years.”

“Unfortunately, Jungkookie associates love with negative emotions Jimin.” Taehyung had said rather sadly one time when he dared to ask him about the younger.

“But what am I supposed to do then?” Jimin had asked, dejected. Seokjin had looked then straight into his eyes like he wanted to make sure Jimin would understand his words.

“Nothing. I’m afraid you can do nothing. You already did your part and now it’s time he does his. He has to win over his fears on his own.”

“What if he won’t. What if he doesn’t come back.” To me. Jimin whispered. He was terrified, he really needed to find the way to fix it all.

“You have to trust him in this,” Namjoon replied this time. “He has to sort his life out. Maybe it’ll take some time. But then when he comes back, he’ll come as a new man, one that still has his fears but that decided those won’t to ruin his chance to happiness. Because he decided you are more important than everything else, even himself,” Namjoon concluded smiling.

Jimin saw Seokjin take Namjoon’s hand from his lap and interlace their fingers.

He wanted that. Jimin found himself wanting that too. To be newborn beings who decided to be everything for one another no matter the difficulties, no matter the fears.

So, in the end, he could do nothing but have faith.

And wait.

“In less than three weeks we’ll have the final response to the queries of the referendum. The committee for the Yes has been doing a campaign for months and now it’s organizing a demonstration for the end of the month. Meanwhile the committee for the No..”

Jimin threw the remote control on the carpet of his living room just after having turned off the tv.

He hated it. During those days, he had been patiently waiting for a sign from Jungkook, but nothing and the environment wasn’t helping him his mood.

So far the only contact he had had with Jungkook was the supper he had prepared for him once Hoseok had texted him Jungkook was in bed due to a severe fever. But he didn’t receive any text from the younger not even a thank you, and he had bugged Seokjin to the point the older had replied a “why don’t you ask him yourself.” Jimin wanted to scream because wasn’t him who had suggested taking some time and space?

Sighing he looked at the clock on the wall. He still had plenty of time to get to work, basically the only thing that managed to keep his life busy. After a deep reflection he had, in fact, decided to quit his dancing lessons for the time being. There weren’t too many left so it hadn’t been to hard to put it aside. He was going to miss the sensation of his body moving to the rhythm though. The showcase had been such a rush of adrenaline and positive energy. However, Jimin wanted to give Jungkook space in hope distance could mend their feelings.

“It’s a pity Park Jimin. Jungkook is not even half as funny as you are,” the teacher had joked. Jimin tried hard to laugh. Even hearing someone pronounce his name was enough to make his heart flutter. I’m such a fool in love.

So that day he woke up like any other day. Ten long days without hearing or seeing Jungkook had passed.

With a mind blank and hollowed heart, he ate his breakfast and even though he still was early. he decided to head to work anyway.

What if he doesn’t come back.

You have to trust him in this.

Jimin sighed again as he the engine of his car. Not even two months before, Jungkook had driven that same car just to not make Jimin’s struggle with his injured ankle.

He missed Jungkook. He missed hearing his laugh, he missed his warmth when he leaned his head on his shoulder. They were in full April his favorite month but his favorite person wasn’t there.

During lunch break he stared absentmindedly from the window of his office thinking about him. Maybe Jungkook was out there watching the same panorama. The sky was blue, but there were some clouds that threatened rain.

Perfect. He didn’t have an umbrella with him and that day he had parked the car far from the building. He sighed. Just his luck.

The rain started soon after the end of his lunch break. Plick, plick on the window.

Jungkook. Jungkook.

When his shift ended, the rain hadn’t stopped but it was pouring down in buckets. He usually liked the fresh rain of April but when he was at home. Or with a large umbrella at hand.

He took the elevator and like always he greeted politely the man at the reception in the entrance of the building. But the man instead of greeting back called him.

“Mr. Park?”

“Yes?” Jimin stopped in his track and headed towards the reception desk. The receptionist waited for him get there before giving him a blue umbrella.

“Oh thank you!” Jimin said relieved. Maybe his day wasn’t so bad after all.

“A young man just left this for you. Which is strange because he didn’t have one himself but he had been adamant in doing so.” The receptionist concluded shrugging. In that moment his phone buzzed. Jimin still startled by the receptionist’s words took out his phone without expecting anything out of the ordinary.

I knew you didn’t have an umbrella with you. Take care of yourself hyung.

It was Jungkook.

Jimin ran out in the rain because if he knew he didn’t have one, maybe the younger was still there. But for the time he was out in the open, he was gone.

Despite that, he smiled for the first time in days.

His phone buzzed again.

Get inside silly or you’ll catch a cold.

If possible Jimin smiled wider but he did as he was told.

From that evening on, strange but endearing things kept happening to him.

The next day he found his soup container on his table kitchen with a note that said: Thank you, you made me feel better.

When he asked Seokjin about it, the older had feigned ignorance but he admitted that he had probably borrowed by accident his spare key to a young handsome man.

On Friday, someone had delivered some warm coffee in his office cubicle with another note written on it.

Fighting! It’s the last day of the week. Tomorrow you can sleep till midday!

Jimin had laughed wholeheartedly making his colleagues look at him weirdly but he didn’t care. He felt all warm inside and it hadn't been the coffee doing.

On Sunday he went out just to find his car washed.

Jimin heart swelled.

“He wants to make it up to you hyung. I would let him do it,” Taehyung had said winking at him when Jimin called him out for a friendly hang out.

“I—Ok,” Jimin had replied.

“Perfect! Now tell me in detail what he did, because the little had been secretive and I need blackmail material.” Jimin had laughed hard.

Spending time with Taehyung was a bit like having Jungkook with him. He could see some similarities in their ways even though the musician was more bouncy where as Jungkook tried to keep some semblance of coolness.

When he came back home though, he wanted nothing more than to drive till he reached Jungkook’s apartment and hug the life out of the younger.

Because as soon as he set the foot beyond the threshold, he found a bouquet of flowers lying on the coffee table of the living room.

I missed to do so that night. You were great!

His heart exploded. The beautiful memories he had with the younger came back to his mind all at once. He remembered how gorgeous Jungkook had looked when he had been on the other part of the door and they kissed like that moment could last forever. And when he covered the steps from the living to his bedroom, he passed from the kitchen and remembered how they had cozily shared a meal. Then once inside his bedroom, he remembered Jungkook’s figure lying on his bed, sleeping peacefully like there was no worry in the world.

Jimin couldn’t take it anymore. He took his phone and instead of his usual thank you he typed something else.

I miss you.

The reply was instantaneous.

I miss you too.

Jimin slid down to the floor. What if Jungkook resolved into wait for the response of the referendum before deciding it was time to meet? That meant Jimin had two weeks more to wait and he wasn’t sure he would be able to endure it. Not if the younger kept pampering him like that and not knowing what the response could possibly mean for them. For the first time, he regretted to have made that promise with the younger’s parents, it could lead to another hindrance for their relationship.

Jungkook. Jungkook. He missed him so much.

I want to see you, he typed on his phone.

Jimin waited for a reply with his heart hammering in his chest.

Then the bell of his door rang at the same time his phone did too.

Jungkook, his phone flashed.

He basically ran all the way from his bedroom to the front door, phone still vibrating in his hand. With a smile big the size of his face, he opened the door.

Jimin stayed frozen at the threshold, unable to understand why he was staring at blonde hair instead of black. That had to be a cruel joke.

“So aren’t you going to let me in?” He said with his usual sleepy voice after it was evident Jimin was too shocked to function.

Without having to think it twice he slammed the door in Min Yoongi’s face as the phone kept vibrating in his left hand.

He slid down the closed door.

No. Definitely no.