36. Hero

I have many heros… When I was young, Tommy, the oldest & longest Power Ranger, is my hero… When I become adolescent, scientists and physics professors become my heors…

That's why my childhood is filled with Mathematics and Physics books… I spend all of my life time into books… I read and read and read… All I want to be is as great as them…

But, not long ago, my hero changes… I read the endings books of Harry Potter series when I was in Grade 9… At that time, I didn't think too much… A kid's brain doesn't not function well…

Last year, I re-read the whole series and I just found my new hero… Professor Snape… He was one of the bravest man I have ever seen… He can do everything for his love… He did the most dangerous things that no one dares to think… He can successfully trick the most dangerous man on earth for years…

But he never shows his good side… He never shows his heroic side… He always acts as a villain and takes all the blames on him… He doesn't care what others will think about him… He did what he had to… 

That's what a true hero does… We don't need others' opinions… They will understand when it is the time… We must do what we have to… We don't need to know how peopele will think about us…

And I have been living like this… I have to admit that sometimes, I want some feedback… Sometimes, I want to stop what I am doing as no one sees it as a good thing…

But if it is the truth that I believe, I'll continue doing it without listening  to others… You should also find your hero… And behave as your hero… Do what you believe…

37. Honest

Honesty is the basic requirement of people… But nowadays, it is difficult to find honest people… Why?? Because people always want to take advantage with ones who treat them hosenstly…

Let me give an example… Now, you are on the team to go to the National Trial or something, I don't know… Do you think the others will be happy for you??? Hmmm??

Absolutely not… They all may probably think like it will be the best if they are in your place… And they may have some jealousy in their mind…

About your friends, I bet they don't want to see you standing bright in front of them… You all were the same till yesterday… But today, you are standing proudly in front of them and bravely doing things that they don't dare to think about…

Baby, today, honest people are as rare as our idols' comebacks… Everyone is not the same as you… They are not thinking like the way you are thinking…

I'm repeating about it again and again because I'm worried for you… As I have said, I'll not talk about them in person with you… I know I'm not in the place to critize them… I know nothing…

So, I'm writing about random things that I saw… I want to remind you to grow up… 

38. Hurt

Ahhhhhh… This word… The word I hate most… Yet the most used to word to me these days…

I hurt a lot in the past… My family doesn't love me… They blame me for everything… Everything is always my fault… Even if my sister did it, they will drag me into it too… Their words always make me hurt…

My bestfriend left me for her boyfriend… Being kicked out from her life suddenly without any reason… Although I'm caring about her all the time, that care became a main reason for her boyfriend to hate me… That hurt me again…

And you… When you left me for the very first time, I was hurt too much… When you read that stupid fiction I made and you avoid me, I was hurt… But I know they are both my mistake so I don't blame on you… I have to take this risk… I know already what can happen…

But I was hurt badly, hurt the most, was the last time we are on phone… When you suddenly shouted "How Annoying"… I thought I stopped breathing… It was like pouring hot irony liquid into my ears…

I was too worried… I know I'm not in the place to say you what to do what to don't… But I want to talk to you personally… And I think it is a wrong move… Your annoyed tone makes me break down…

You said you just split out accidently and thought I didn't hear… But I know you did it on purpose so that I'll stop talking about it… Yeah… You are right… I don't dare to open my mouth again after it… I'm becoming an annoying person for you…

And this is the most hurtful time for me…

39. I

This is not Taeyeon's song… I wanna say about myself…

I know I'm a stubborn badass… I have a y attitute… I know I'm making you annoyed day by day… But I can't stop myself… I know you are no longer interested into me but I still want to think about you…

People said don't expect anything from anyone… But it will be a lie if I don't expect anything from you… Of course… Everyone will expect something from the person they love… And so do I…

But I am not doing all these things as I expect something from you… I did this because I want to tell you how to make right decisions without anyone… Even if you read all of them once, it is enough…

40. Identical

Let's say it is the Part II of my guardian angel… HeeHeeHee

I believe that they are almost 7 people who are almost identical to us on this world… Now, I am meeting with two persons who are almost identical…

She said that she doesn't believe in forever things… She doesn't like to make promises… She doesn't want to open herself up to anyone… She surrounds herself with walls… And she is a lonely kid like you…

She appears from nowhere and enters into my life without being invited… She helps me when I need someone the most… All her likes are similar to me… And so, I became super close to her in a short time surprisingly…

You will be surprised too when you talk to her… The way she speaks, the way she writes, the way she bad at spellings and grammars, the way she whins about something, the way she wants to win over me… Everything is almost identical…

I don't believe in God thing… But I have to thank him for giving me two almost identical angels… HeeHee… I know I'm too lucky…