81. So long

My favourite song from Apink… And this is the song which introduced us… You wrote the lyrics on your wall and I found… I became interested and we became friends after that…

This song is really sad… The girl in the song seems to be hurt… She can't say her love to the one she loves… I think this song has the same feelings like you… Ahahaha

I also had a friend… We knew each others for years… May be 12 years… We also did flirting and I know he is after me… He is now attending at the University of Medical Army… Whatever… 

But I was too cruel, I think… I don't have any feeling on him… And I turned him down while writing Innocent Love… You can easily guess he took Luhan's place… I know he is a good boy… But I don't love him…

I can only love one person at a time… And unfortunately, it is you… I don't want to be like this too… I don't want to make things worse… I don't want to destroy our friendship… But when you said you will date, I lost my control…

I think I should pretend at that time… I tried to… I tried to be normal for weeks but I can't stand anymore… Sorry for everything…

82. Substitute

This is the second word that I don't want to write… Substitute… This word is really hateful…

Have ever felt like you have been substituted in someone's place?? It feels like your heart is played with needle… Who wanna to be substituted?? But I always was…

Don't deny… You have been seeing me as a substitute… Whatever I try, you never recognize it… I have been always taking care of you… I have done everything for you… But you never accredit me…

Ahh, let me give an example… Weeks ago, your friend sent a cheering message for you… You screenshot it and uploaded… Okay… I did many times like this… But did you do like this???? Hmmmm??? 

I knew it was the day but I didn't sent any msg because I didn't want to disturb you… I don't want you to be annoyed before you do mock trial… That'a why… I'm saying not because I want you to appreciate me… I'm telling that they are not the only ones…

Can you please don't see me as a substitute in place of your friends?? I don't say I'm much better than them… But I can take care of you as much as they do… Okay… Okay… I underatand… You have to see them everyday when you don't have to with me… You don't have to look at my side… Whatever… I'll stop…

You will not underatand how I'm feeling unles you become a substitute too…

83. Tears

My eyes are red and always get teary few weeks ago… I sighed and cried all night while watching you online but no words from you… I cried a lot while checking your profile every night…

I cried in the dark while re-reading our conversations… You were so sweet and clingy… Not the cold and cruel one like present… I had to lock up myself and cried for days… I had to take many days to accept the truth…

Days later, sadness turned into anger… I was angry myself for being like this… So I threw my fist at the dry wall to release the pain… That Blood… That Pain… They can't stop my tears…

But after I had met with my angel, I can wipe off the tears… She guides me stop crying… Now, it's still hurt but no tear comes out… It seems there is no tear left for me to cry…

Thank you… For teaching me how to cry over someone…

84. Time machine

Sometimes, I wish I have a time machine… I wanna go back to the time that I start meeting you…

I will make friends with you but I'll not do anything stupid like stress you out so that I can pass our early days happily with you… I will tell you not to skate so that your hand will not be hurt…

I will tell you what to do and what to don't so that you will be easy to pass your days… And I'll avoid every situation that leads us to fight… I wanna have happy days with you as much as I can till 2015 December reaches…

And before you will tell me about your date, I'll turn the time machine to present time… Then, I'll not have to know your dating thing and you will not be awkward with me…

Childish and immature wish… HaHa

85. Treasure

I am a kid from a normal family… I don't possess any expensive things… I don't have many things that is valuable…

But the thing I treasure most is you… Your existance in my life makes me into another person… You completely changed my life before I can know…

I did things that I never dream of… I did crazy things that I thought I'll never do… I had feelings that I thought they don't exist… I had been through horrible days that I thought I will never have…

I have to thank you for giving me this big experience… Not because of you, I'll never understand about these things… If not, I'll have to continue stay like a romanbot… You bring me into human world…

So, you are the most precious treasure for me… I'll always treasure you…