61. No.1

In my phone contact, No.1 is for you… In my chat list, No.1 is you… In my life, No.1 is you…

I once said the school is no as important as you… I really meant it… You just smile as if you don't care but I always said the truth… Everything becomes less important when they are compared to you…

But I can never be No.1 in someone's life… For my parents, my sister is No.1… For you, I may be at some random numbers.… I'm not expecting anything… I'm just telling…

Ahh, I once at No.1 of one of my friends… She hated me to gut at that time… Hahaha… But now, we became good friends after about eight years later… Yeah… It was the first ever time… kekeke

I want to advice you one thing… Putting someone at No.1 is too tired… Even if that one is hurting you, you are still forgiving… So, put yourself at No.1… This is the safest way to play the game…

62. Not

I am not like ordinary people… I am weird… I know… May be sometimes, you will think why I can be that crazy…

But that's how I'm thinking… We always argue on many many things… You are stubborn like rock and so do I… We argue over things and always end up like "Whatever or Own view"… 

This is because I never see things in the simple way… An event may has many tricks behind the scenes… We only see what they show… If we want to win over them, we must understand what they are trying to hide…

I know you don't like the way I start thinking from negative side… You always think positive and stay happy… That's why you always have to learn lessons… The real world is negative from the start… It's just hiding hia true identity…

Of course, my words are bitter but they are truth… I don't want to tell you with beautiful words and praise you and nod everything you said… If I do like this, I'm afraid you will think all you do are awesome and will continue to stay like this…

You have to show some maturity… You are growing up… You shouldn't stay as a kid… Of course, you can stay as you like with the family… But not with the others… You have to be formal with them… If not, they will never impress you…

You said you don't need any respect or impression from them… No, kid… You seriously need… But since you don't like to hear negative comments, I'll just ignore from now on…

I'll not tell you anymore…

63. One day

I don't know when… But one day, I hope you can understand me… I hope you can understand how much I care for you one day…

It is too tired to wait… It is too hard for me to handle your ignorance… It is too difficult for me to pretend like I'm ok… It is too hurt to accept that you have changed… But I'm enduring all these things, because I hope you will understand me one day…

I'm growing a plant for you… And it becomes a tree now… You can come and rest on the branch when you become tired one day… 

One day… Everything may end… We may really apart from each other… We may be busy with our own lives… But you will always be my babygirl that I love most… And I'll always be your unnie…

64. Past

I want Past back… I want the old times back… I know it's like a crying baby who wants the moon in the sky… But I still want the Past back…

If 2016 is present, I want 2015 back… I will more treasure that days that I was too happy… I will try to avoid the days that I will fight with you… I will not do any stupid thing that will make you cry… I will buy a book and start writing diary to absorb all the precious times…

But now, it's too late… I can't have the Past back… I have to let it go and face the Present… Though it is difficult to accept the Present, I have to… I have been dreaming the Past for days… I need to let it go now…

65. Phobia

Almost everyone has a phobia… Phobia is a condition that you afriad of something badly… It can be said as a minor mental problem…

I have two phobias I think… Phobia of sleeping at night and autophobia… The firat one is not important… I still can sleep in the daytime… But the second one is always making me down…

As I am a loner, I don't like of being left… I only has three friends including you… Now, I have a new sister so let's say four… I'm afraid I'll be left by them… If they said something bad, I'll think about it all time and scared…

When it comes to you, can you guess how much I'll go down??? Yes… I even don't want to use Facebook anymore… I want to forget everything… But I can't lose you at the same time… This is the biggest problem I have ever had…

I know phobia should get cured… And I am also helping others to remove phobia… But I can't cure myself… No matter how much I try, I'm still in fear… I'm afraid of losing you…

That's why I was gripping you too tight… But now, I think I can let you go… Time will heal me… I can stay without you, I think… As you will only disappear from my life… Not from my memory… In there, you will always be with me…