DONGHAE POV •

My light backpack was unceremoniously thrown on the couch the moment I entered the apartment in the mood for nothing but a good breakfast which I skipped this morning, followed by an intimate encounter with my bed. I always came back drained of all energy from my morning class because school on weekends, it messes with my sleep schedule, damn it! I was up till way too late last night, as in: didn't sleep at all until well into the early morning – you know why – and now I can't go back to bed like I wish I could because my girlfriend is coming over which has me in a bad enough mood that my mind doesn't even register the whine that comes from the couch as my bag lands harshly on a soft body that isn't the couch itself. But even in the midst of my irritable mood, my mind does register said back being flung towards me, aimed at my head.

My reflexes weren't fast enough to catch it, but I managed to step out of it's trajectory. Only after I watched it fall harmlessly on the ground did I look towards the place the projectile had been thrown from, finding the couch not at all empty, but rather occupied by an angry looking HyukJae. Scratch that, he looked furious, which I consider a bit of an overreaction since it was obviously not on purpose and there was only one book inside the bag so it couldn’t have hurt much.

"I'm sorry? I didn't see you there" I apologise quickly without much conviction, feeling the tension on my shoulders ebb away as my mood quickly brightens at the mere sight of him wearing My shirt – I’ve always known, I just never mentioned it – but as soon as I relaxed I tensed again at the look he was giving me, or not so much me, but rather the general expression on his face which I could bet had nothing to do with getting hit by my bag that barely weighed anything.

He looked... sad? Lost, but most of all angry and confusingly determined, this threw me off greatly and he seemed to notice because he immediately composed himself, arranging his features in the least convincing fake smile I've ever come across. It was far from reaching his eyes and his cute gums weren't showing like they usually do, it was painful to watch him hide his sorrows so blatantly from me, not that we had ever come to be so close that he could trust me with something so personal, whatever it was, but somehow, deep down, I still had expected him to. Maybe it was simply in my nature to be nosey and get in everyone's business – or try to – with the best intention of course, but it's probably upsetting for most people and the reason why I don't have many friends.

But the fact that I acknowledge this bothersome defect of mine doesn't mean I'll try to change it. I like learning about people's troubles and possibly helping with them, it really bothers me to see someone I know and care about upset and unsurprisingly, HyukJae fit right on that list of people I'd go great lengths in order to help him out of whatever trouble he's having. And for once, that is not at all related to the attraction I feel towards him, it goes deeper than just wanting to his brains out, I really do care.

With this in mind I sat on the couch at the opposite end, not wanting to overstep my boundaries by getting too close, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable with it at all as he laid down, the couch wasn’t big enough so his legs ended up draping over my lap and his feet dangled on the edge at my side. He put his forearm over his forehead, shadowing his face from my view or maybe he was trying to protect his eyes from the light and take a nap. I pondered if I should bother him or not but I concluded it was as bad a time as any other so might as well.

“Do you happen to know a guy named KyuHyun?” he asked before I could open my mouth to make a question of my own, I was caught off guard so it took me a moment to understand what he had asked me, but I seemed to have taken too long because he became impatient and asked the question again, removing his hand and propping his head against the arm of the couch to look at me this time.

“Well, I’ve heard of him, Minnie works with him” he made a slight nod as if telling me 'yes, that’s the one, tell me about him' "But I’ve never met him personally, why do you ask?” the moment I questioned him I saw the corners of his mouth drop, his neutral expression turning into one that I wasn’t too pleased by, which he must have noticed because he, once again, immediately schooled his features back to a neutral position before closing his eyes again, completely ignoring my question and I wasn’t about to repeat it, seeing how it made him upset, so I decided to divert the conversation elsewhere.

“Would you cheat on your girlfriend?” once again came his deep voice before I could find mine and this time I wasn’t caught off guard by it, but was left equally speechless from what he was asking me, not understanding how that was related to him at all, but in this kind of situation, a dismissive: why do you care? or what is it to you? wouldn’t be well received, so I opted for answering honestly without question.

“I don’t know, I’ve never thought of it”  I said shrugging as I absentmindedly began running my hands up and down his shins.

“How can you not know? You either will or won’t” he retorted angrily, not at all happy with my vague response.

“Of course I’d say I won’t, no one gets into a relationship with the mindset that they’ll go and be unfaithful first chance they get. At the beginning we all try to make things work because we like the other person, otherwise why are we together?” I paused for a moment to study his expression which had grown thoughtful “You can never know for sure what you’d do in that kind of situation, kind of like when someone asks what you’d do if you won a million dollars: You can say you’ll pay your debts, help others, or travel like you’ve always wanted to, but the truth is, unless the money is put on the palm of your hand, you can’t really know” he was looking at me now, the heavy expression on his face as if regretting all of his life's decisions or something equally as dramatic, I don’t know, he just looked like he realized something he should have always known, maybe “but like I said, I’d like to think I’m a faithful man”

“And what are these situations you spoke about?” he began, looking me in the eyes as if I had just displayed great wisdom and he was a kid craving for more wise words from his spiritual guide, and for the oddest reason, that look of undeserved admiration brought an embarrassing blush to my cheeks “What could make someone want to cheat on their partner?” he asked as he kept looking at me like I had the answer to all troubles in the world, which I don’t, far from it. I’m quite clueless most of the time, but this is one question I don’t need to ponder too much on.

“People can be tempted in many ways: Sentimentally, materially, ually, and the list goes on, but for someone to actually fall into that temptation, if the let themselves fall into that temptation it’s because they’ve stopped trying to avoid it and if it comes to that… they’ve stopped trying to make it work, they’ve stopped loving you” the moment I said that I realized I probably shouldn’t have said it like that; they’ve stopped loving their significant other, that’s how I should have phrased it, any way would have sounded better than saying “you”, because “you” meant him and his significant other is my roommate who only now do I realize is NOT in the house when he should be spending the weekend with his boyfriend and he looked so sad and defeated when I finished my statement and why was he asking about infidelity in the first place?

Sure, I at math, but even I can put two and two together and I’m not liking the result at all. Tears have started rolling down his cheeks but he’s not hiding them from me or drying them or anything, he’s looking my way but I don’t think he’s looking at me, his eyes seem blank and unfocused and he just looks so broken…

Lee SungMin, what have you done?