SUNGMIN POV 

“Are you freaking kidding me?!” was the chrilling scream, loud and angry coming from my apartment. Hae and Jessica having a fight for sure, which more often than not translates into her yelling at him for whatever insignificance she's currently mad about, and him taking it all in stride because he's never had a temper and is smart enough to just let her vent instead of reeling her more. And I'm smart enough to not walk in there while she's in that state, but it's already 8 pm and what better place to go spend the night that my boyfriend’s apartment, seeing as I've neglected him the whole day in favor of going on a date with my lover. I should probably not tell him that.

“No, I am NOT calming down!” comes another shout, louder than the previous one, enraged by whatever quiet response Hae had given her. I'm already walking away, absentmindedly wondering why those two are even together when they fight (see: the boyfriend getting yelled at) so often over the littlest things. Never mind that me and my boyfriend almost never quarrel yet we're very much falling apart as a couple. But let's not think about that now, not when I'm getting on a cab to head to his place to catch up on the entire day that we were supposed to spend together but didn't. And when I say catch up, what I really mean is , plain and simple, either that or… no, just that, I was about to say we could also watch a movie but we know how that always ends. We could play some games but he doesn't have a console at his place. And anything besides that would require us to interact with each other, and just talking with each other is something I've already given up on.

I pay the driver and get down in front of the tall apartment building, walking inside and towards the elevator and wait for it, but once it reaches the first floor and the door opens, I am standing in front of the last person I'll ever want to see, my personal tormentor, the bastard who used to bully me in high school:

Shing Dong Hee

SHINGDONG POV

When Jae texted me I already knew what it was about, because he only ever calls for me when it is something he can't discuss with Junsu or Lee Sora noona: His ungrateful jerk of a boyfriend cheating on him is one of those things. Last time he talked to me about it I told him to confront him properly, and after he did, it turned out he was just being paranoid. He felt very guilty afterwards for the way he yelled at him and their relationship has been kind of strained since then, but I didn't say anything about it, believing things would get better with time but they only became worse and now I'm here again, holding a sobbing HyukJae because his boyfriend did end up doing it, a third piece ripped out of his heart, a different pair of hands but with the same coldness and I'm afraid that when a pair of warm caring hands come along, he'll be too scared to trust once more. Too broken.

Surprisingly though, he stops crying and collects himself, by the time I leave he looks more angry than sad, and I wouldn't have left him alone had it been otherwise because a depressed HyukJae tends to do stupid things and entertain stupid thoughts. Not to imply that he'll try to commit suicide if left alone in that state, he deals with depression on a different way, less tragic but equally as self-destructive. I know all about that phase he had, he was at my club every weekend, always leaving the place thoroughly wasted in the arms of a different man each night, top or bottom, he didn't care, he just wanted , a temporary distraction from him, yet another cheating bastard, much like my sad excuse for a father, who left me and my mother to go chase a nice pair of underage legs, and that got him in jail for statutory , not that I care for whatever becomes of him, but the long hours that my mom had to do to provide for the both of us, the humiliation, the amount of doors that have been closed on my face because of him, that is something I'll never forgive him for. Every time you're in a work interview and they ask about your family background, when you say your dad's in prison, it's game over; “thank you for your time”, “we'll call you”, but they never do, that's why I work DJing at a nightclub, those don't ask those types of questions, so now I’m stuck playing loud music every weekend night, with a bachelor degree in communication so useless that I can’t even wipe my butcrak with it.

That’s why I have issues, that’s why I’m frustrated with life and how unfair it is and used to take out those frustrations on those weaker than me, because my high school self was a bitter who didn’t know how to deal with his parents’ divorce, too young to understand that my mother was juggling 2 jobs for my sake, that I shouldn’t expect her to make me a lunch box every morning when she was already sacrificing so much so that I could have food on my plate to begin with; because 16 years old Donghee was too stupid to comprehend that he shouldn’t have felt envious of the various delicious foods in that fat guy’s lunch box, shouldn’t have stolen it from him nor mocked his weight or pushed him against the lockers.

Maybe then he wouldn’t be frozen in front of me right now, staring at me like he wants to cry out and run in the opposite direction, which he probably does, and I should apologize because it has been 6 years yet he still fears my very presence.

“Umh.. hey” I greet nervously, trying to sound at least mildly friendly, but his frown only deepens as I step out of the elevator and he steps in, not saying a word as he pushes the “close” button to leave as fast as possible, not at all interested in talking to the guy who made his teenage years a living hell.

Before the doors close I manage to get out my most sincere “sorry” and his eyes open wide at the sound of it, as quiet as it was, arm immediately darting forward to stop the doors from closing.

“What did you just say?” he squeaks out in disbelief, brows raised and mouth agape at my unexpected exclamation because the immature me that he remembers would have never apologised. Ever.

“I said: I’m sorry, for everything. I was a jerk to you back then because I didn’t know how to deal with my own insecurities so I exploited yours… I apologise” I finished bowing my head, ashamed of myself and what I did to him. As I stare at the ground I see his shoes getting closer, he’s stepping out of the elevator, letting it close behind him and I raise my head to face him properly, mentally preparing myself for whatever violent reaction he might have. He has lost all the fat I used to make fun of (which is ironic because look at me now) and replaced it with muscle, but I’m not shying away from how many punches he’ll throw at my face. I deserve them.

“Do you really mean that?” he asks quietly instead, sounding like he’s in the verge of tears, but also hopeful and it breaks me a little to know that even now he lacks confidence in himself because of me.

“I do. Honestly there was nothing wrong with you, I just… I don’t know, thought you were an easy target to vent on, nothing  personal. I know I’m 6 years late with this apology, but I hope you can forgive me" I finish, trying hard not to check my watch because that would be rude, but I have to be at the club before it opens at 9 pm and it’s already 8:30 pm.

He does nothing to hide how shocked he is, but I’m even more so at the sight of his tears, and before even a minute goes by, I’m rushing out a goodbye and exiting the building because I have no idea how else to react.

SUNGMIN POV 

Did that really just happen?  My worst nightmare... apologized?  Sincerely?  The look he gave me when he was saying that, the slightest of cracks in his voice, he sounded like he really meant it  and I simply couldn't stop my tears from flowing out, I was suddenly freed from a weight I didn't know I still carried upon my shoulders, the peace of mind and happiness that took over my entire body almost made me jump and hug him because honestly, all those times I kept questioning my worth, always feeling insecure about every flaw he pointed out, unable to feel worthy of love and care. Maybe that's why I feel like being loved or loving should come with a sacrifice, like putting up with being used by Young Woon, neglected by HyukJae, like someone is doing me a favor and I should pay for it with my suffering, because I got myself into the mindset that I'm a fatty people only look at with disgust and pity, that I should be grateful for any sort of affection…

But I'm not, not anymore, I'm not disposable trash beneath his shoes, I never was, I deserve to pursuit happiness for myself instead of others at the cost of my own, it's not fair; I should be allowed to let go, just because HyukJae stayed by my side and loved me for years doesn't mean I owe him something in return.

Right now I'm standing in front of his apartment door, the one he shares with his sister, hence why I don't come often, but I know she isn't in by this time so I raise my fist to knock, finally having made up my mind…

I'm leaving him, I'm going after my own happiness.