DONGHAE'S POV

At some point we came to lie in the couch fully, a few kisses turned make out session. His hands were testing the waters, seeing how far it was okay to go; mine were far too eager for such considerations, mine didn’t hesitate to delve beneath the fabric of his (well, my) shirt, nothing stopped them from running over his toned abs in delight. I didn’t have a mind to think it was too soon, but even if I had, I would have probably concluded that it wasn’t, there is no such thing as too soon or too late when it comes to this, passion doesn’t run on a schedule, sometimes it needs time and patience to grow, other times it’s just there, and the only thing stopping it from taking control is a moral code that I don’t have the time to care about right now. Yes, maybe it was too early in our non-relationship to be having those thoughts, but you have no idea for how long I’ve been wanting this, wanting him.

You have no idea how ing pissed I was when Sungmin walked in in the middle of it.

When I say it I don’t mean what you probably already imagined, we were just kissing and touching a little since he seems to be a big fan of , or maybe he hadn’t figured out what I wanted. Either way, we weren’t or anything, yet.

him.

And his boyfriend too.

Preferably not together 'cause they’d probably enjoy that, and it’s supposed to be a punishment for ing me.

“Oh, hey!” I’m still all over Hyukjae when Sungmin greeted us with the biggest grin on his face, Kyuhyun kept looking to the side with a smirk, clearly amused but he had enough sense to turn his head away from our compromising position “I see you guys made good use of your alone time” he said as he laughed at my obvious annoyance and Hyukjae’s embarrassment, but we were still not moving away, mostly because I was the one on top and stubbornly refused to.

“Ever heard of Knocking?” I asked angrily, still not moving away even though Hyukjae was clearly trying to push me off.

“It’s kind of my place, though” Sungmin said, settling in a stool on the bar that divided our kitchen and living room, setting the beer on top of it “Besides, it’s a good thing I interrupted, wouldn’t have wanted you to go any farther than that” he adds with a teasing smile as I all but growl at him.

“Says who!?” I shoot back

“Ummhh, the body beneath you?” He said in the form of a rhetorical question that I didn’t quite understand “He’s a strong believer that couples shouldn’t jump into first thing” he clarifies and I look to Hyukjae for confirmation, he’s blushing for several reasons but his expression tells me nothing so I ask verbally if what Sungmin just said was true and he nods, prompting me to get off of him in a flash, regretting my previous boldness because it may have made him uncomfortable.

“It took us 5 months to finally sleep together, right Hyuk?” Sungmin brought up again, earning another nod from Hyukjae as he looked down in obvious embarrassment.

“Really!? I swear I didn’t know, I’m so sorry” Kyuhyun spoke all of a sudden, looking sincerely apologetic.

“Don’t apologise, it was his idea, not mine, I’m cool” he reassured his fretting boyfriend then proceed to pass around the beer and slowly, and rather awkwardly, the topic was dropped and the atmosphere went back to being a light and cheerful one, but the damage was already done. I felt utterly ashamed of the way I had come onto him so strongly when he doesn’t like it, he’s probably thinking I’m a thirsty and that I only like him for his body or something.

So I kept shamefully avoiding his eyes, but I could feel them burning the side of my neck, squinted in question, wondering the reason to my sudden change in attitude, why I’m behaving like none of it happened.

We literally just started, damn it! Why do I keep screwing up!?

“I’m not mad”

“huh?” how intelligent of you, Lee Donghae.

“I said: I’m not mad” Hyuk repeated as he turned his body to face me completely. The other two lovers in the room were too busy making out to care about our conversation and I was too preoccupied to be grossed out by them “You’ve been spacing out since those two came back and I think I know why. I’m not angry about what happened before, really” he tried to reassure me “It’s true that I’m not a fan of jumping into first thing at the start of a relationship but I also know that not everyone thinks the same, it’s my fault for not mentioning it” he finished, holding my chin to force me to maintain eye contact.

I didn’t know what to answer to that, mainly because I didn’t want to admit that I had been so distraught about something that’s apparently so irrelevant, but the moment Sungmin said that, my brain went ten miles a second with images of how I had so shamelessly d him all over, not considering his feelings at all, what if he not just didn’t like it, what if he hated people coming onto him ually too soon? What if he has dumped past partners on the spot because of it? What if he decided to dump me on the spot when we weren’t even a couple to begin with!?

I’ll admit I panicked idiotically without even considering Hyukjae’s character, of course he wouldn't so easily get rid of someone he likes just because they think differently, he's the type to talk it out and solve it, I should have known, really.

“So, you ok now?” he asks me for the second time, I think, perplexed by my silence.

“Yeah, I just… I’m sorry I overreacted” I apologise and distract him with a kiss before he can say anything else, his hands travel to my head instantly, running through my hair with soothing motions as the kiss grows heated, but not enough to make me forget that there are other people in the room, so we part and continue to watch the movie playing on the TV, one I had seen before so I paid it little attention and focused on the male beside me instead. Our gazes would meet occasionally and we would both smile, maybe a wink on his part then we’d look away again in comfortable silence.

It went on like that, the loud action sequences in the movie drowning out the annoying slurp and smack of Kyumin’s make out session, me watching Hyuk watching the movie. Until it ended and it was time for them to leave.

At that point it didn’t occur to me that Hyukjae had drunk alcohol, far from enough for it to have a noticeable effect on him, he could drive without problem, that much was obvious, but when Kyuhyun said his goodbye to leave, he stayed behind. Wouldn’t it be rude of me, his semi-boyfriend, to say something like “why aren’t you leaving”? Thought so too, so I waited for Sungmin to kick him out but then he didn’t and went to the bathroom instead, presumably getting ready for bed. Hyukjae remained in the living room with me.

He smiled as he walked slowly closer to me, arms coming around my waist, resting so comfortably like they belonged there, it felt like they did. He just stood there, holding me, looking into my eyes like he was dying to kiss me but he wouldn’t move forward, deciding to talk instead.

“If you must know” he began, not breaking eye contact “My first girlfriend cheated on me because the was bad” he said with a snicker, between amused and disgusted by the memory “Not only was I an inexperienced , but even then, girls weren’t my thing” his hold on my sides tightening a bit as he prepared mentally before continuing “I could barely keep it up, half of it I didn’t know what I was doing and it didn’t last long, a terrible first for the both of us” he closed his eyes and let out a long breath, somehow struggling with the memory of her and I couldn’t help but sympathise, not because I’ve been there, but I can understand why he can feel so insecure, he must have been hurt when he tried his best and she was like “not good enough, I can find someone better” “By now, I should be over all of that, no use acting like a nervous when I know my own strength in that department” he laughs at his own words “But I still feel like I’ll screw up in bed and my partner will want to look for that pleasure elsewhere, so I rather take my time, built up to it” he rested his forehead against mine, coming so close that his breath caressing my lips is driving me insane, he smiles widely and bumps our noses together “Let us fall in love first so that we can make love properly”.

*fake gag sound*

“Get a room!!”