SUNGMIN POV •

It is only when I'm already outside of the apartment building that I remember I forgot to give HyukJae a proper farewell, at the moment it simply didn't cross my mind, I just wanted to get out of there, far from the tense atmosphere that made itself present whenever he was mentioned. It gets so awkward between us whenever I let the dreaded name slip and what starts as casual conversation turns into an uncomfortable silence that either of us can't  break.

Hyuk and I, we don't talk anymore. I don't remember the last time we had a decent conversation. When a couple like us, who only gets to meet up on the weekend because we're both very busy during the week, meets up, you usually take that time to catch up, talk about random things and share funny anecdotes, tell each other the good and bad things that happened during the week; at first we were like that as well, but after the fight we had about two months ago, I feel like I can't tell him anything. All those funny stories and silly things I'd like to tell him, I keep them in, because they're mostly work related and sharing those amusing experiences with him would mean mentioning KyuHyun at some point and I'm afraid he'll get mad at me again if I do so.

We don’t even go on dates anymore, we stopped some time ago when he was on a tight budget, but he got a new job that pays better, he’s financially stable again but still never proposed that we go anywhere. I’m not picky, he doesn’t need to take me to any fancy place and it doesn’t need to be too often either, I just feel like we should get out of the house for once and go somewhere, do something. Anything!

When two people who are dating don’t go on dates anymore, it means something is off, but I’m willing to overlook it because honestly our biggest problem right now is communication, a notorious lack of it. I’ve already resigned to the fact that I can't tell him anything, but he doesn't talk to me either. He always brushes off all my attempts at civil conversation. whenever I ask him how was his week he just says "fine" and proceeds to kiss me. All we end up doing is having , which I always thoroughly enjoy, but a relationship should be much more than just that. He just pounds my all night long then we cuddle in the morning. At this point he is more my -buddy than he is my boyfriend and I hate that. I'm tired of it, all of it.

Then there’s KyuHyun…

The mere thought of him brings me to the verge of tears. He’s charming, gentlemanly and very caring towards me, he’s a very nice guy who obviously likes me, he’s also the reason my two year relationship is crumbling to pieces… But I can only blame myself for that, my own stupidity, the way I kept his hopes up even though I had no plans of ending it with HyukJae. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but the way he treats me makes me feel something I haven’t in a long time; all the things I don’t get to do with Hyuk, I do with Kyumin: We go out together to have fun, we talk on the phone about random things, we text whenever we feel like sharing something with the other to the point that my first thought when I see something interesting is: “I can’t wait to tell Kyuhyun”.

We were quickly becoming very close friends, he was exactly what I needed, I took from him what my own boyfriend refused to give, I suddenly felt complete having him by my side but that made me feel sort of bad knowing that I could only offer him my friendship when he clearly wanted more than that… so he took it, he kissed me. At first I was shocked that he would be so bold knowing I was taken, I felt a bit upset that he’d betray the trust I had put in him, but that didn’t last long as I found myself enjoying his kiss and caress, kissing back, wanting more… so I took it.

When I woke up comfortably snuggled in a strong pair of arms that I knew weren’t HyukJae’s, laying on a soft bed that I knew wasn’t mine, I felt like I couldn’t breath as I choke on my ceaseless sobbing, not bothering to stop the tears as I realized what I had done, remembering the time when Hyuk accused me of  being unfaithful to him with this very man, recalling the confident way in which I told him that wasn’t the case and how I’d never dare do something like that to him. Yet here I am, with my workmate’s hot breath teasing the hairs on the back of my neck  and his warm palm resting lightly on my hip. That thing I had sworn I’d never do, I did it

… and I enjoyed it.