(Content warning; mention of death and loss. it is going to be particularly angsty at some point so proceed only if you are ready to)

“Mister and Missus Kim? Please take a seat”

Sung Gyu led his wife across the spacious room as she smiled at the host with her warmest smile. The two of them had met before, although it was Sung Gyu’s first time here. It was her who had planned this meeting from the beginning, running through all the logistics despite her heavily pregnant self. Before them behind that small mahogany table was a pleasant man in his late forties with greying hair and a rather charming smile. On the table was a plastic placard which read his name and his occupation in bold lettering; school counselor.

Sung Gyu and Eunji had had long, quiet discussions before they finally came down to this decision. They had to keep it away from Sung Jae, lest he didn’t compile to it al all and close up on them even further. She had contacted the school unbeknownst to him, gotten Miyoung to ask the twins more background details of what’s been happening at school. They were both worried for their friend, their brother that they promised to be discreet while they disclosed everything that has been happening, how this bunch of fourteen year olds have threatened the twins where Sung Jae had intervened, taken the beating which led to have his parents brought to school. After Eunji attended, the kids had found a new vulnerable point to attack Sung Jae with to take revenge on defending the girl, and now there they were, about to take advice to halt the harsh bullying that their son was going through.

The school was nice and accommodating throughout the process. It was Eunji who approached them, talked to the teachers, gotten their insight and organized the meeting with the school counselor. They had to ask school for discretion as they were worried the children wouldn’t comply if they realise they had adult intervention. Whatever the decision they made, it had to be fair for all the parties. Not only for Sung Jae and the twins but also for the child who bullied him. What Eunji believed was that no child was inherently bad. It was just they had bad circumstances, it was just their wrong upbringing; and if they could be fixed, given a second chance to repent for themselves, they could, perhaps change. And that was what they hoped to achieve; not punish a child who didn’t know better, but teach them the way to see better and treat everyone the way they would want to be treated.

It was a far chance, that’s what the counselor believed. There was a lot of issues and even possibilities that something like this entailed. There was only so much that the school could do; give the necessary support and guidance, warnings and supervision, constant monitoring and if it comes down to it impose suspension to students who wouldn’t compile. The counselor also suggested that they keep a close eye on Sung Jae’s behavior and whereabouts. If anything, the incident could have mentally scarred him as a child which could possibly develop some sort of hatred towards his parents, and perhaps even his younger sibling to-be. What they had to do, as he believed, was spend as much as time they could, not relate to school or anything that is related to the current problem in their conversations but make his surrounding as positive as possible. As for the bully, the school will be contacting his parents, give warnings if they must, and if that doesn’t change anything, the child would either be asked to serve community service or suspended from school for a recorded time. Sung Gyu couldn’t say that he was exactly satisfied with their solutions. He wasn’t certain of how successful any of them was going to be.

But just like Eunji said, they had to try.

After their meeting with the counselor which lasted for about an hour, Sung Gyu and Eunji made their way back to the car in silence. He had taken the morning half off work today so that he could attend the  clinic with his wife. He couldn’t remember the last time that he did, and she never complained. He’d been so preoccupied with his father that he hadn’t had the time or the right mind to look into Eunji’s well being. But now, things were definite. His father’s fate was definite. As much as it would break his heart, he would have to continue living; for his family, for himself. And he would start with the little things, like now.

“At what time is the appointment?” Sung gyu asked her as they approached his car. The last time he was out with her they were taking the bus as his license was yet to be renewed. He actually kind of liked it; the proximity, they had, compared to sitting separate in his car.

“At quarter past eleven, I think” Eunji consulted her phone and replied. 

“It's still half past nine, geez” He looked at her over the hood of the car. “We’re too early”

“All the better” She said, smiling over at him. “More time to have you for myself”

Sung Gyu couldn’t help the fond smile forming on his lips. It has been so long since they could last spend some time alone together. Eunji never brought it up, although it was evident that she felt lonely at home. For someone who worked full time and enjoyed their career, Eunji was doing fairly well as she stayed away from work. But things were indeed exhausting for her. He could see it in her eyes, in the way that they shined, that she had been looking forward to spend some time with him all along.

“We have a lot of time,” Sung Gyu said as he helped her to buckle herself up in the car. “Do you have anything in mind?”

“I don’t know” Eunji shrugged. “Anything except for mountain climbing or paragliding or bungee jumping if you please” She patted on her bump cheerfully. “We’re not exactly sporty”

Sung Gyu let out a chuckle. “That can be arranged...” He pulled out his glasses and hit the ignition. The car came to life with a quiet roar and he fixed his spectacles; the world was not as blurry anymore.

“But first” Eunji said just as they started to pull out of the parking lot. “I’m hungry”

“Hungry?” Sung Gyu raised his brows. “Didn’t you have about two bowls of porridge?”

“Just one” She held out a finger. “One full bowl and Jae’s left over”

“That’s plenty”

“Don’t be mean,” Eunji whined with a pout. “I’m eating for two people, just so you know”

Sung Gyu laughed and recalled back to how they used to argue over the pettiest things all the time. Be it the toaster or eggs in the fridge or certain of Eunji’s poorly made choices. That time feels so far away now as so many things had indefinitely changed. But there was one thing he felt that would never change. He could have these petty little arguments with her for the rest of his life.

In the end he does take her to a cafe for an extra breakfast where she helps herself to coffee and pastries of all sorts until she couldn’t eat anymore. Eunji had quite an appetite, which he found to be adorable. When he sat back with his own mug of black coffee, its steam kissing his cold cheeks, he watched her fondly as she munched her pastries away. She was much rounder now, her cheeks were so full that made her appear much younger. At that moment, he very much wanted to kiss her, but instead he leaned over and wiped away the sugar dust around her lips.

“You’re so messy” He commented as he wiped his hand off on a napkin. Eunji heeded no attention as she replied; “I’m just hungry”

Despite being a mother of two, one a teenager, Eunji really could be a child sometimes.

After breakfast, as they still had a bit of time left, Eunji suggested that they shopped for baby essentials at the store close to their clinic. They never managed to get the shopping done, except for a few things that Sung Gyu had brought in then and there. They still had the crib and the pram that they got the last time, dismantled and dusting away in the garage. Sung Gyu never got around to bring them back as he was afraid to get started yet, not until they were certain of this time. Now that they were, he could see shopping for baby essentials in a different light. They were no longer buying things for an image of a child that they’d developed in their mind, but preparing for an actual baby that will be arriving in a few weeks of time. That thought itself made their time spent shopping feel much enjoyable. 

“So tiny” Sung Gyu told himself at some point as he held a pair of baby shoes in his hand. It's hard to believe that any human could be this small; especially thinking that Eunji’s bump appeared to be quite big.

“What did you expect?” Eunji asked him as she threw in a bunch of  little socks into their trolley. She had gotten them in different pastel colors; pink, green, purple and blue. It hadn’t felt real, their baby, until now.

“I don’t know” Sung Gyu sighed, putting the shoe back on the rack. “It’s just...it's very tiny…”

Eunji gave him a strange look which only implied that he wasn’t making much sense.

They proceeded to buy pillows and blankets and flannels in different colors. Eunji wanted them all pink while Sung Gyu believed having them in white wouldn’t strain the baby’s sight much. Eunji muttered under her breath that he should have read the book about pregnancy because apparently they didn’t recognise colors much. In the end they bought two sets in pink and white, coming to the conclusion that they’d let the baby choose.

They had the biggest argument over if the baby needed five sets of dresses and dungarees. Sung Gyu was pretty sure that she didn’t have many places to go as soon as she was born, thus she wouldn’t need any dresses just yet. His argument was that they’d wait until the baby was big enough to be wearing them and that he could pick them up anytime if they had to. But Eunji was being rather adamant and stubborn, holding the tiny dresses to her chest.

“You’re just upsetting me” She cried, sounding as if he really did something wrong to her. “What is wrong in preparing early?”

“Because…” He sighed, already tired of this conversation. “We don’t know if the size fits. Besides, where on earth does the baby have to go as soon as she’s born? The municipal council?”

She scoffed, throwing her hands. “How would you know? What if she had to go somewhere? Like clinics and stuff?”

“Then we put her in comfortable clothes” he pointed at the line of little singlets, which apparently is sold in sets of five. And they were pretty cheap too. “Those would do better”

Eunji glanced over at them and pouted. “She wouldn’t like them”

“How do you know?”

“Because she’s a girl”

Sung Gyu rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty sure she would rather be comfortable”

“But do you want to put her in ugly clothes?”

Sung Gyu was frankly very tired of this conversation. “No I want her to be comfortable”

“These are comfortable” She held up a baby blue dungaree with a ruffled little sweater. “This is pretty comfy”

“Eunji” Sung Gyu sighed, giving up now. “She is not going to crawl on the runway”

In the end, Sung Gyu did lose the battle, as expected, and ended up buying a singletons set of five and a whole bunch of dresses, hats, mittens and dungarees and even winter clothes which wouldn’t be required any sooner for the child. She insisted she paid for the ones she bought because she was angry that he wouldn’t let her do what she wanted. He just let her, because she wanted to and also because she looked adorable and strangely attractive when she was mad. He could make up to it later on, certainly. She would get around and even apologise for getting mad over the baby clothes. But for that one moment, he let her have her time because she needed it.

They went to the clinic after Sung Gyu had hauled all the heavy bags into their back seat. After the shopping fiasco, Eunji was pretty much back to herself, chattering and excitedly waiting for the scan. He was equally excited, for he hadn’t seen the brown and white image of their baby for a long time. She must be fully grown by now as it was just a few weeks until delivery. Sung Gyu wondered how her personality would be, and would she too inherit his eyes? Would she really want to dress in all those fancy clothes and be really stubborn if he wouldn’t let her too? These thoughts were flooding his mind even as they entered the doctor’s room.

They had a brief discussion with Eunji’s obstetrician, talked about Eunji’s physical and mental health, her habits and how Sung Gyu as a husband was preparing for the impending arrival of the child. It all made him feel equally terrified and excited. It was indeed going to be a huge turning point in his life. Afterwards, they discussed how Eunji would like the birth to be and she admitted that they’d like it to be natural. It was a discussion that she had had with her sister too, he remembered, and he had spoken to his own mother about it. They would opt to epidural if it comes down to it, yet for now she would practice breathing techniques and exercises as suggested. Sung Gyu didn’t know how painful it was going to be. He wished he could share a bit of that pain with her so she doesn’t have to go through it alone. But Eunji was a tough woman; she showed even by the way she absorbed all this information with a pleasant smile. Sung Gyu held her hand under the table, wanting to kiss her and tell her that he loved her.

And soon, they were taken in for the scan.

Sung Gyu sat and waited patiently as the doctor prepared everything for her. There was the gelling and moving the scanner round and about until the image cleared out on the screen. Sung Gyu’s heart was beating incessantly in his throat, hopping against his ribs like an impatient animal. Soon, there she was, their little girl, a little bundle of joy, still a blurry image on the screen.

Eunji’s hand s over to his and he held it in both of his as his eyes did not once move away from the screen. He could make out only so much from the image, even with his glasses on. There was a small, round head, little hands and little feet. He felt warmth in his eyes. How was it possible that a whole little human fit inside her?

“Looks like a healthy little girl” The doctor commented, pointing at the screen.

“And she’s still her thumb!” Eunji exclaimed excitedly. “She is going to be very smart”

“ her thumb?” Sung Gyu exclaimed incredulously. How did Eunji notice that in this mass of grainy black and grey?

“Yes, here we are” The doctor gestured at where the mass had formed a vague image of a round head, a face perhaps, and as he gazed at it longer, he too made out a little fisted hand against the shape of the head. 

“Oh wow” Sung Gyu whispered as the image painted itself in his mind. He was going to remember this forever, the shape of his daughter her thumb in the warmth of his mother. When she’d grown up and when she was big enough to understand, he would then tell her everything. 

“She’s going to be very smart, Sung Gyu,” Eunji told him as her fingers slenderly closed around his hand. “Just like Sung Jae...just like you”

“Yeah” Sung Gyu said almost dreamily in response. It had been months since they’d found out about her arrival, and yet it didn’t feel real. They were going to have a little girl soon, running all over the house in her little dresses and loud giggles, he’d be carrying her around, Sung Jae would carry her on his shoulders. They would draw things together, walk hand in hand, play in the garden together. None of it felt real, but they soon would be.

Later that day, Sung Gyu drove back home feeling light in his mind. He felt calm, composed, and for once, he was happy. He knew that there were million and one things to be fixed, so many things he would lose, so many times he would suffer. But today only the thoughts of his children filled his mind. Sung Jae would get around this issue, he was certain. As parents they had taken a stand and Sung Jae too was a strong child. And on the other hand, his daughter was due in another two weeks. It's going to a beautiful fall for them this time; the cold and the rain wouldn’t even matter anymore.

As he drove, he was certain, he was smiling like an idiot. He nearly ran a redlight once and it was Eunji who pointed this out to him, albeit laughing out loud. They parked the car in their driveway and for a moment, reminisced the good few hours they spent together. He would have to return to work soon. But he still had a few hours to spare. He would spend it with her.

“Aren’t we going to get down?” Eunji asked him, breaking the silence between them, and Sung Gyu looked over at her dazedly. He caught her smile, the way her eyes glimmered like stars, the softness of her lips, the roundness of her cheeks. She was beautiful.

“What? What is it?” She laughed, appearing confused.

“No, just…” He sighed, counted to three in his mind, moved over the centre console and kissed her on her lips. She was soft, warm and mellow, tasted sweetly of coffee and powdered sugar. She hummed and smiled onto his lips, holding his face in both her hands as he rested one of his own on her bump. It was ages before he finally moved away.

“Hmm...that was nice” She whispered as she caressed the side of his face, her gaze never moving away from him. “But your glasses hit my face”

He didn’t even realise that he still had them on. “Oh, um” He took it off and tossed it onto the dashboard. Way to ruin a good moment, he thought. “Sorry”

“No but I like you with them on” Eunji continued, her voice now reduced to a husky whisper. “Makes you look kind of hot”

Her words, somehow, sent a tingle through his skin. He wasn’t even sure what she was doing to him. “Do they?” He moved even closer and left a chaste kiss on her lips as his hand daintily descended down her shoulder, past her waist and rested on her thigh.

“Uh huh” Eunji gasped, her arms circling around his neck and she closed her eyes, holding her breath.

Sung Gyu leaned forward and breathed sharply against her neck. She smelled incredible; of talc and roses and promises; his mind was all over the place. “Don’t you like me without them then?” He muttered against her skin before he kissed her, kissed every inch that he could reach.

“I do…” She whispered back, now her fingers trailing down his chest leaving a warm, electrifying trail. “I like you...however you are…”

Sung Gyu took it a moment to move away from her, his breathing raspy and heart hammering in his throat. Eunji’s cheeks were stained crimson, eyes opened wide. She needed this as much as he did.

“Can we?” Eunji worded it out breathlessly before he could even ask her.

“I have a few minutes to spare if i drive fast”

Eunji smiled in this strangely attractive way in response. “It won’t take long”

Soon, they relocated to their living room as it was too much a hassle to take the stairs. Sung gyu carried her in his arms and carefully laid her down on the sun kissed carpet. He then pulled the curtains close, grabbed a couple of cushion pillows and laid them around her, one underneath her head. The entire house was quiet save for Dal’s snores who slept soundly in the kitchen. He prayed to god he wouldn’t trudge his way to where they were. Then he laid down, rid his shirt off, hovered over her and kissed her gentle and long. She tasted of coffee and cinnamon and everything sweet. His head was spinning, as he breathed her in. He then felt her skin with his fingertips, and hummed onto her lips. She was warm and dazed in anticipation.

“Is this okay?” He asked her as he slipped his fingers past her shoulder. Her dress slipped off, revealing smooth, pale skin to feast on. He was pretty sure they’d had this conversation before, but he couldn’t remember when and he couldn’t remember what he was told. His mind was too hazy to think things through.

“What is?” Eunji gasped. “Having ?”

Sung Gyu felt his face warm up upon her bluntness and nodded his head.

“She said it was fine” She ran her arms around his neck, bringing him close. “Helps to dilate and all”

“That was unnecessary” He muttered against her lips, and she laughed, her body shaking slightly underneath him. “Too late, Sung Gyu. Just make love to me” She said.

And he did.

He kissed her and touched her, he breathed her in. His lips and fingers felt every inch of her skin, he traced the way she fluttered her eyes close and mumbled his name. His palms caressed the bump, his tongue and lips danced across her skin. With every touch, every word, every movement, he sealed his love to her. He was careful with every move or touch he made, afraid he would hurt her, afraid she was in pain. But she too guided him through it in all the perfect ways, told him what felt good, told him what she needed and when she needed more; and in the same way, deeply and passionately, she held him, kissed him, touched him and loved him too. 

Later on, the two of them lied in the quiet of the room, the afternoon sun shining vigorously on her pristine skin. She looked breathtaking at that moment. He couldn’t help but kiss every dip and curve of her and love her even more. His arm remained around her waist, palm resting upon the baby bump as he spooned her in his embrace. He kissed on her back, her shoulders, that sweet dip on her neck, and Eunji slipped her fingers through his own. 

“Sung Gyu…” She called out after a while, and her hand s up the length of his arm.

“Hm?” 

“After the baby is born, you know that things wouldn’t be the same, right?”

Her voice was quiet, contemplative. It appeared as if it was a thought that had been in her mind for a  long time.

“I know, I do,” He replied.

“You know that we won't get to be together much, right? Like this, sometimes not at all”

It could have been only him, but he couldn’t help noticing that tone of melancholy in her voice. He moved away from her and turned her gently to her back. It was then that he noticed, there were tears in her eyes. Something twisted in his heart. 

“Sweetheart...does that bother you?” He asked her.

“A lot” She sniffed, and closed her eyes as he fixed her hair which stuck to her face. “And...and you know I would change a lot. I wouldn’t be in a nice shape, and I would lose a lot of sleep so-,”

“Ssh...wait, hold on” He pulled away from her, perplexed. “Why does that bother you?”

“Because...I don’t know…” She cried and covered her face with her hands. 

“Eunji-,”

“You know...you know statistics show that most husbands leave their wives after childbirth”

At this point, Sung Gyu wasn’t even sure what they were talking about.

“Statistics?” He wondered aloud. “What statistics?”

“Statistics on why husbands leave their wives” She replied in a tearful voice.

“But why would you look at that statistics?”

“I don’t know, I just did” 

Sung Gyu looked away and let out a heavy sigh. Sometimes, her mood swings really made her do ridiculous, unthinkable things. 

“Would you?” Eunji pushed on with a small voice. He looked back at her, emotionless, and gave her a long look. 

“I get it that there are statistics, ji. But I don’t understand why you think it has anything to do with me”

She didn’t say anything in response but glanced away, her eyes brimmed with tears. Funny how pregnancy changed women in so many ways. It had really gotten to her that sometimes Sung Gyu didn’t even identify her as his wife.

“Look” He said, in the end, giving in. He then gathered her into his arms. “Eunji, sweetheart. There is no reason in the world why I would leave you. If anything, I wouldn’t even leave your side, that’s how excited I am right now”

“You wouldn’t?” She said in a hopeful voice.

“No, I wouldn't,” He reassured determinedly. He wasn’t sure how many times he had indicated and told her in words just how excited he was for this new change. He thought it was the turning point of his life, after becoming the father to Sung Jae fifteen years ago, he had eagerly waited for this moment, and now that it was finally in his reach, what reason did he even have to leave her? And having been told so many times, why would she even think it would happen?

Hormones. He would blame the hormones. And probably even the statistics she was talking about. 

“Okay” She whispered, not even meeting his eyes. So he took it a step further by kissing her again, holding her face in his hand. “Eunji, I’ve waited for this for fifteen years since I got Sung Jae, I dreamed about having a family of my own, and now that I do, I have no reason to walk away...I love you, and I love Sung Jae, and I love the little girl that we have here” He laid a hand on her bump for emphasis, making her smile. “And I promise you, Eunji, nothing could take that away from me”

Eunji didn’t respond to that, of course. Not verbally at least. She had so many worries, so much to think about although she would never let on. He couldn’t even imagine how things might be like for her, confined to these four walls, the weight of the world in her hands. She hadn't many people to talk to nor share her worries with, and the only source she had right now, to listen, to be a strength, was him. And he understood her. He might not understand how she felt, but he did understand why she felt that way, and that was good enough.

She pulled him down towards her and kissed him again. It was not a kiss of passion, a kiss of need. It was a kiss of gratitude, of happiness and promise. For that one moment, as he held her and loved her, he felt as if he was on the top of the world. She had wished from him, and he had granted for her. He had made her feel the best version of her, and he would, always, love her in the worst; for she had too, loved him without restrictions and without conditions.

*

Things at school have been strangely calm since recently. His desk was found in its usual place for the past week, the ugly words rubbed out, leaving not even a slightest mark. Jong Dae and his cronies weren’t around, it seems; and he heard from the twins that they were serving community service at some old people’s home after having been caught vandalising the boys’ bathroom. He still did get the judgemental gazes and eye rolls, once he had a bunch of notes in his locker again. Although he did feel agitated by the turn of the events, Sung Jae found himself being in the calm before the storm.

He played basketball as usual, rode his bicycle in the evenings when his mother was asleep. Girls no longer sat in the bleachers when he played; except for one, of course. Mijoon appeared genuinely dazed as she sat under the warm sun watching him juggle the ball and shoot goals. She was the only one to cheer for him while her brother scowled and complained. She was the only one who seemed to know him and understand him, and she was the only one who could make him smile. Sung Jae hadn’t seen much of Young Ae since that day by the locker. He could still remember that mocking look on her face. He had thought she was a gentle soul, the most beautiful being on earth. But when he thought back, she had only been fair in the eye, he had never known her heart.

He never knew that, that day, he was about to find out.

He was taking the stairs down to the basement, heading over to the gym when he heard lowly, hushed conversations echoing in the empty hall. Now, Sung Jae wasn’t usually someone who eavesdropped into conversations, he had no reason nor the interest to, but at that moment, the familiarity of their voices held him back on track.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” Said the voice in a hushed tone, yet their words echoed through the corridor. “It was you, it has to be you”

Sung Jae didn’t mind in the beginning because things like this were more common than anything in this school. He let out a heavy sigh, glad that his issues had halted even for a while and proceeded towards the gym when he heard the voice that made him stop.

“What do you want from me?”

That, he realised, was Minjoon. He could identify her voice from miles away. He stopped on track, stood behind a wall and listened closely to the conversation. The voices didn’t sound exactly normal. The conversation was intense, concerning. Although things have pretty much calmed down for them, Sung Jae knew that this was just the calm before the storm. So neither he nor the twins were still safe. And this could be, if anything, the start of the storm.

“Admit it” The other voice exclaimed, much harsher than before. “It was only you who saw it. Only you would have told”

Sung Jae pressed himself harder against the wall, and dared to take a sneak peek. He couldn’t see the other person in the conversation, but he could see Minjoon’s terrified little face. She was like a rabbit, she would be scared of anything that happens and naturally, as an older brother, Sung Jae would feel the need to protect her. Even then, it was that urge which kept prompting him to listen even further, and if it comes down to it, intervene.

“I did not,” Mijoon replied in a small voice. “I didn’t see anything, i don’t know you are talking about-,”

“Don’t give me that bull, I saw you with my own eyes” A pair of hands pushed against Mijoon’s shoulders and she stumbled backwards which made Sung Jae make a step forward, yet stop. He couldn’t intervene yet, not until he got to the bottom of it.

And sometimes, Mijoon had to battle alone too.  

“I don’t know and I don’t give a about what you do!” Mijoon exploded, her small, sweet voice now crashing like a thunderbolt. Sung Jae had thought she acted feisty around her brother and himself. But it appeared that enough provocation could send her spiraling up to the edge.

“Oh!” exclaimed the voice, a pair of hands pushing her again. “You can be loud too eh! You must have been loud when you went telling tales”

“I did not” Mijoon defended herself again. When the hands reached out to her once more, SUng Jae witnessed how her face was appalled. Mijoon was about to give up now, and whoever the person who bothered her would now have advantage. He didn’t know what they were talking about, she Mijoon had seen yet never told him or her brother about. But right now it didn’t matter. He had to intervene. 

And he did. He stepped out of the darkness, making himself present in the scene. But what he witnessed at that moment left him baffled and broken just the same.

When he had seen her with a mocking smile the other day, Sung Jae didn’t think of it much. The impression he had on her may have waned a little, but he also convinced himself that perhaps, he had interpreted it wrong. He thought it was a smile of pity, a smile that meant that she felt for him and empathised him. But at that moment, when he realised the extended pale, slender hands were of none other then Lee Young Ae, the high hopes he had had on her completely disappeared.

It didn’t take longer than a second for a change of hearts. The girl who otherwise appeared an angel in his eyes had now suddenly become a monster. She too, was just another one of them.

“What are you doing?”

The moment Young Ae saw him standing there, one hand dropped and another went to fix her hair as she took a step away from Mijoon, almost as if she wasn’t threatening her just a minute ago.

“Oh, um…”

“Mijoonie” Sung Jae called his friend. He usually didn’t use the affectionate name in front of anyone, but at that moment, when any thought about Young Ae completely left him, he couldn’t help it but let his heart go out for her. Mijoon looked up at him in surprise, and then at Young Ae. In a second, her demeanour has completely changed.

“Sung Jae oppa” She called unhesitantly and looked over at Young Ae, this time fearlessly in her eyes. It was almost as if his presence had given her strength. “I wish I didn’t see it, but I saw what she did to Yoo Hee the other day”

Yoo Hee was one of the quitest girls in his class. She transferred only recently and was always found with a pencil and a sketchpad, drawing. He’d seen her on bleachers a few times, quietly drawing away, what she did, he never knew. But she was peaceful, quiet and just...nice. 

“What did she do?”

At this rate, he would never be able to look Young Ae in the eyes or speak to her without feeling deeply ashamed and an insurmountable hatred. He despised himself. He despised it that she never showed her true self in front of anyone yet hid behind her pretty, most-loved self. 

“I…” she started, now feigning innocence. “I-it wasn’t anything bad but Mijoon has totally gotten the wrong idea and-,”

“Ripped out Yoo Hee’s sketchbook, page after page” Mijoon suddenly exclaimed. “She couldn’t even cry at that moment-,”

“It isn’t even a big deal, okay?” Young Ae returned, now her tone an octave higher. “Besides she was drawing people without even their consent, how is that a good thing?”

“Would that harm anyone? Would it-,”

“Oh shut up, what would you know?” Young Ae’s voice, now harsh, unrelenting. Sung Jae had watched the entire exchange quietly, but not anymore. He wasn’t following the incident, he couldn’t get to the bottom of it, but right now it was enough.

So Sung Jae, at that moment, stepped in and grabbed Mijoon’s hand. “Come with me” He said, and before she could even protest, he dragged her away.

“What?” Young Ae muttered, confused upon the intervention, and as he moved further and further away, exited the basement and climbed up the stairs, he could hear her calling his name. Young Ae knew that he liked her, and he knew that her initial reaction was to be liked. She’d been quiet and aloof and lovable all throughout, and now she was crumbling apart. If it was earlier, he would have let her love him, he would have gone to her instead. But now things have most certainly changed.

Sung Jae happened to skip the Gym after all. And Mijoon, for the first time, skipped a class. They sat in the benches in the back garden, both sitting awkwardly as he recalled back to the incident, trying to make sense out of everything. What had she hidden from him? Why had he hidden it from him? Why hadn’t she told even her brother what she was going through?

“Mijoonie” He called her after a long moment of silence, and finally dared to look at her. She still wouldn’t and her eyes remained downcasted in embarrassment. “Joonie, you need to tell me everything” He told her.

She fidgeted with her fingers for a moment, pouted and looked away. “I already did”

“I didn’t understand half of it,” Sung Jae admitted. “It was like listening to one side of a conversation”

“It was pretty clear to me” She muttered through her pouty lips. “Young Ae ripped Yoo Hee’s sketchbook”

He had gotten that part clear, although it didn’t make much sense. “When did that happen?”

“Last week...I think”

“And you saw it?”

“Yeah” She shrugged. “It was in recess. Remember we had lunch early and you said you were going back? so I thought you were back in class and I went to find you and”

“Hold on” he held up a hand. He couldn’t remember about last week; these days he hardly kept track of what he did. But he never returned to class before recess ended. “Why did you think i would be there?”

“I don’t know…” She sighed, yet by her tone, he could tell, she did know why she did. So he remained silent, waiting for her to continue. 

“I saw Young Ae heading that way...so I thought you’d go there as well”

At that point, he fell quiet. It was a known secret that he had a crush on Young Ae; almost everyone knew. While some people envied them there were people who actually supported this too. Sung Jae never knew how Mijoon felt, and  they never talked about Young Ae amongst the three of them, especially after that time Mijoon confessed to him. Sung jae knew he did wrong. He must have, perhaps, hurt her too.

“I was only looking for you,” Mijoon continued as Sung Jae remained to be quiet. “But I saw Young Ae talking to Yoo Hee, not in a nice way, so I waited and listened”

Sung Jae swallowed hard and nodded his head. He couldn’t believe it. All this time, the girl he thought he had loved was only just another monster in a sheep coat. “What did she say?”

“I don’t remember,” Mijoon admitted unhesitantly. “Something along the line of what she said today, I think”

“Which part? That it wasn’t a big deal?”

“No after that” Mijoon gulped. “Something about drawing without consent”

Sung Jae, after all, was an investigator’s son. His father was doing his masters in forensics recently, and Sung Jae had read through his references once in a while when he hadn’t nothing to do. So based on that, he could say certainly as hell that there needn't be any consent to draw someone, as long there were no actual photographs taken without consent or if the person showed displeasure. 

He scoffed in response. “That’s just a crock of bull”

“Not for her, I guess”

Sung Jae couldn’t help the little smug smile appearing on his lips. He kept looking down at his hands as he continued. “What was there in the sketchbook that upset her so much?”

At that moment, there was an evident shift in the air around Mijoon. He could feel it too as if he had developed the psychic powers that the twins had. He finally dared to look at her, and her eyes were set upon him. “What?” He asked with a thick swallow.

Mijoon continued to look at him for a while and turned away. “You”

Sung Jae blinked, not following what she meant. “What? What was that?”

Mijoon looked down at her hands, not meeting his eyes anymore as she repeated, this time with more detail;

“She was drawing sketches of you”

He took a moment while the words absorbed themselves into his mind. “Sketches...of me?” He swallowed hard. He had seen Yoo hee very often on the bleachers, minding her own business, doing her sketches with utmost concentration. But he never thought the leaves of her sketchbook could be covered of him. I wasn’t that it made him uncomfortable, because he was pretty used to things like that happening to him. What upsetted him was that she’d been doing that the whole time and he never knew. He wasn’t upset at her; in fact, he was upset at himself.

Because, instead of knowing what had been going on around him, his mind had been preoccupied by a face and a name who didn’t deserve a single inch of space in his heart. 

“Yeah…” Mijoon sighed. Sung Jae looked up at her, the fine contours of her face, all of which formed creases of worry and anxiety. Sung Jae could imagine how she might feel right now. But he needed answers too.

“Joonie, why didn’t you tell me about this before?” He asked, laying a hand on her arm. He thought back to it for a second and continued; “Is it because she was...she was drawing me?”

If it was between Yoo hee and Mijoon, Yoo Hee certainly did have features that could catch anyone’s eyes. It wasn’t that Mijoon wasn’t beautiful; she was, quite so. But it was possible that, if Yoo Hee was drawing him, that she would feel threatened by her existence and keep it all to herself.

But Mijoon appeared offended by his unintentional accusation. “No! I have seen her a plenty of times but I didn’t care and I didn’t think anyone should know what she was drawing, she wouldn’t be happy about that”

“O-oh…” Sung Jae scratched the back of his head, turning away. He knew her enough. Mijoon might do certain things that were definitely uncalled for, but growing up in a male dominant group of friends, she always had the upper hand, which meant she always had a soft spot for other girls and often stood up for them and took their side.

Mijoon was silent for a second and took a deep breath. “I didn’t tell you, because...you know, Young Ae…”

“Not any more” Sung Jae admitted unhesitantly. “I should never have”

“Well, you didn’t know…”

Mijoon trailed off with that. Quietness entailed between them for a moment afterwards. The bell rang, another period started, and for the first time in their life, there they were, skipping another period in a row. But for now, it didn’t matter. Sung Jae could always fix it another time. 

“Why does she say that you told someone?” Sung Jae finally broke the silence. He could recall what he first heard in their conversation which only implied that Mijoon had told somebody about it. But why would she, if she hadn’t even told her best friends?

“No idea, to be honest” Mijoon shrugged, swinging her legs nonchalantly. “I mean, destroying someone’s artwork is a pretty big deal, and Yoo Hee was put in a really bad place...but I certainly didn’t want to be involved. I saw it, she saw that I saw it. But I wouldn’t bother telling anyone about it”

Sung Jae took a sharp breath. When he came to think of it, she was right.. Sung Jae had known Mijoon for five years and during that time he and Seojoon had done pretty nasty things; fought in the playground, accidentally broke windows. But Mijoon had never been one to tell anyone. She just didn’t care. 

“Then why would she say that?” He thought out loud.

“Because she and her friend have to serve community service. Somehow she’d been caught for bullying”

Sung Jae thought about it hard and fast. It was not only Young Ae who was caught for bullying. Jong Dae too. And he heard of some other kids as well who were given warnings by teachers, and their parents were brought to school. School itself has been pretty peaceful for the past few days, as if they had transferred to a parallel universe. 

“What do you think is happening Joonie?” Sung Jae asked her once he had told her what he observed too. It was almost as if the school had suddenly started taking a stand against bullying. But when did it start? What prompted them?

“Maybe one of the teachers had an epiphany, a wake up call” Mijoon said and finally slipped off the bench.

“Or maybe...someone made them have a wake up call” Sung Jae said himself.

“Maybe” Mijoon shrugged. “Anyway. School’s been doing alright the past few days, so might as well enjoy it while it  lasts...I’m going back to class, oppa!” She waved him away.

As he watched Mijoon’s small figure disappear around the corner, Sung Jae kept thinking hard about it. Bullying inside school was not easy to rid of, is it? Did those kids always comply? Did it ever change? But why were things suddenly changing here? Who prompted it? And why?

And how long was it going to last?

All the way back home from school, it was all he could think about. School was just a bus ride away, and the rest they would walk. Today it was only him as both the twins had an extra evening class to attend to. On his way back, he stopped at the aunty’s shop and got himself a corndog. She’d been there since they were kids, and he often wondered if she was human as it almost appeared she never aged. After paying for his food, Sung jae walked himself back home in long, languid strides. It felt empty without the twins around. As the silence around him was louder than his thoughts, he let them wander off. He thought about the twins, about school, about Young Ae and her y self and finally about Yoo Hee. He regretted that he never noticed her. She was kind of pretty, Yoo Hee, in this nerdy kind of way with short hair and spectacles. But he always had a soft spot for ones with taste. She did sketches, she liked art. What could be better than that?

When he arrived home, the entire house was quiet save for the low groans coming from the kitchen where Dal soundly slept. The kitchen smelled of freshly cooked food, hearty and warm; Dal looked at him uninterestedly and turned away. It was odd. Around this time, his mum would be at home, making a fuss over lunch, waddling around like a large penguin. Today she had miraculously finished with lunch.

With a shrug, he headed up the stairs. He hadn’t the mind nor the energy to talk to her just yet. He’d have a bath, and lunch maybe, probably a nap too. And then he’d find her and greet her.

But all his plans came to a naught when his mother popped out from the baby room on the second floor before he could make it to the third. She was in an odd outfit of a large T shirt with a big bear on the front and pink sleeves and shorts, her hair in a Bandana and tools in her hands. She looked strangely happy too, despite the bump getting on her way like a shield.

“Hey Sung Jae!” She cold him in an eerily bright tone. “I got some new baby items today. I was trying to put things back  together, so if you can, after a bath and eating, would you mind helping me out?”

Sung Jae should have known, when she approached him like that, that it was going to be a trap.

Way back, when her parents couldn’t have their first baby, they both got overly dramatic and overly emotional and put away all the baby items that they impulsively bought. The crib was back in pieces and back in its original box, so was the pram and everything else. He and his dad piled them up in a corner of the room, his dad locked it away and put the key in a place they wouldn’t always see. Then they pretended that it didn’t exist. But to no avail either one of the two or both of them will remember it, find the key, go in there and do whatever they do. If either one of them found the other in the room, they’d fight, then they’d cry. That whole time Sung Jae would not come down from his room. He was glad that he had one whole floor to himself. But it was still annoying when he heard all that even on the top most floor.

For this reason, Sung Jae always hated the baby room. He pretended it didn’t exist way more than his parents did.  He’d pass by, imagining it was a blank wall or an empty room. But now he realized that it won’t be possible anymore.

So after wash and after a snack, he, most tediously, made his way towards the baby room.  He despised it so much that even as he neared the room he got chills beneath his skin. His mum was inside, the entire room in a complete mess with bits and pieces of all the appliances strewn about. He had no idea how she must have carried them around and frankly, he didn’t want to know. She stood amongst it all with her hands on her waist, staring at the pile as would a commander at a war zone.

“You’re here!” She said, fatigue in her voice. She gave him a tired smile and gestured at the pile of wood in front of her. “I’m many things but definitely not someone who can assemble things” 

He looked up at her, feeling a tinge of annoyance along with guilt for feeling so. He shouldn’t be annoyed, it was his mum. But he was, because he didn’t ask for it but she certainly did.

He let out a heavy sigh. “I’ll do it”

She smiled at him in relief and handed over the tools. “Perfect! I’ll bring the pillows and stuff”

While she was out digging her new baby purchases and whatnot, he sat on the carpeted floor and got down to work. He wasn’t exactly a handyman, he wouldn’t say he’s good at fixing things as much as he was at making things. But that helped him to concentrate on anything else but what worried him the most. He picked up piece after piece; starting from the frame first, then to the railings, all in silence and complete concentration. By the time his mother returned, he was already done with the crib. Her arms were laden with carrier bags, he could see bits of pink and white inside them. On the other hand she had two little bottles of flavored milk. 

“You’re already done with that?” She asked him and he straightened up with a groan which made her laugh.

“You young people get more tired than anyone else” She said as she handed him a bottle. He accepted it without a word and she sat on a little stool herself. 

They were quiet for a while, enjoying their drinks and the comfortable silence between them. If anything, Sung Jae wasn’t sure how he should approach her. They haven’t spoken to each other much for the past few days, but every morning before he left for school and every evening when he returned, she had always tried to build conversation. Since that day when she probably found out the reason behind his bruises, he hadn’t been able to face her again. He felt guilty, embarrassed and angry too whenever he thought about it. Thankfully she never brought it up again, which also implied that she knew. His father must have told her everything; he told him that he would anyway. What he wasn’t sure, however, was if her knowing the truth would make things better or worse. His father never brought it up either, and just like with the baby room the last time, it seemed as if they were ignoring it altogether. That concerned him more than anything else. His parents weren’t the type to put things under the rug. Their silence, if any indication, would mean that he had to expect the worst. 

It was his mother who first broke the silence. 

“Funny how things change isn’t it?” She said conversationally, gazing ahead. “It feels like yesterday when you and I used to make pillow forts”

Sung Jae and his mother hardly spoke about their past. One, because that took them back to when she wasn’t his mom and he had a different mum instead, and two, Sung Jae hardly talked to her about anything. Even at that point, he just hummed upon what she said and loudly drank from his straw. He hated to think back to that time; especially to think back to when this all changed. 

“We must have been nuts back then” his mum continued as if she was convinced he was paying attention all along. “Once we even made a rocket with a lamp, remember? Your dad was so pissed” She laughed on her own, and silence fell. She stared across at the whole  before them and let out a heavy sigh.  “Those were really good times”

“Yeah” Sung Jae croaked out awkwardly, not meeting her eyes. Frankly he would very much like to leave this conversation.

“Well” she went on without taking the hint. “When your sister is here we can maybe try all of that again. Your dad wouldn’t be very keen but it would be nice... for her to experience it as well”

Sung Jae should have known, when she started, that it was going to be a trap about being a big brother.  Perhaps he didn’t want to be a big brother, did they ever consider that?

“Maybe” he just muttered and finished his bottle of milk. He climbed back on his feet, now ready to start on the rest of the furniture that was mangled and lying in a pile. But it looked as if she still wasn’t ready to be done.

“Ah I know…” she laughed awkwardly and gathered both their empty bottles in her hands. “It must be embarrassing, now you are grown up and all” 

Sung Jae didn’t respond as he sat on the carpet and looked at the manual for the little shelf. 

His mother was still speaking. “Sometimes, both dad and I wonder how it would be like if you stayed ten years old. Things would have been easier, for you, for us” She let out another heavy sigh that was louder than the quietness in the room. “But would we like that? Then we thought, it would be really nice to see you grow up, get smarter, grow taller and more handsome, see you get a girlfriend, go to the army, get your first job...to see you achieve, to see you happy…” She had waddled on closer to him now, and he froze as a hand laid on his head and gently massaged his scalp.

“We thought, bad things don’t last forever. And you’re still a child. So if we stayed with you through the bad things, they will not last for a long time and you would be happy soon. Because Jae, we don’t want to stop you. We want you to see things, explore things and grow. But whenever things get...bleak, we want you to know that you can always come back to dad and me too” she patted on his shoulder and then, left the room. Yet, she had left him unreeling. 

Way back, when he was still young, his dad used to be his best friend. Sung Jae trusted him with everything, and he could remember how he used to think Dad was his hero, his whole world. There was that embarrassing moment when he swore he would run away from home and this weird act his dad did, helping him to run away and everything;  Sung Jae thought that was the moment he realized that dad, for him, was so much more. He couldn’t do anything without him, he couldn’t imagine himself living without him. Once when dad got into an accident and he actually thought he would lose him yet Sung Jae couldn’t bring his heart to tell anyone, he was absolutely terrified. What would he do if dad wasn’t there? Who was he going to do everything with that he and dad used to do all the time? Years on, now much older, that time felt like a million years away, or even worse, a life that somebody else lived and he merely observed from the sidelines. His dad had changed so much, he had changed so much. They both were not the same anymore and they wouldn’t be no matter how hard they tried to change.

That night when he held him and cried, Sung Jae didn’t know what to feel anymore. For a second he saw the same dad he had on the day he swore to run away and dad told him that he could always come home. Sung Jae felt it for a moment. Sung Jae felt home. But a minute later when he realized that their thoughts wouldn’t fall in line anymore, he had to come to accept that things have indefinitely changed. They were not going back, his father and him.

He didn’t think his mother changed all that much. When she was the babysitter, when she married his father and became his step mother, she didn’t change all that much. She spoke a lot, always tried to make conversation with him, had so much to tell and he was fairly comfortable with it for the most part. With age things were bound to change for him, certainly. Especially with her getting pregnant and his parents’ incorrigible obsession of having more kids. If Sung Jae was still comfortable with her, he’d have moved along. But that’s the thing. She never changed and still treated him the same way she did the ten year old himself, and he was not okay with that.

Not until that moment.

With her words, Sung Jae felt himself crumbling apart. On one hand, she just proved she didn’t hate him compared to his old self; they accepted him. He thought, maybe, he’d been seeing his parents as the villains in his life. It was true, the whole thing perhaps started with them, but that didn’t mean they would leave him to suffer alone. Maybe he was one of the villains of his life himself, for not trusting the ones he should trust, for not understanding that he didn’t have to battle this on his own. When he thought back now. His parents were never the villains. They were victims of this just as much as he was.

And perhaps even the only victims who could finally take a stand. 

When his mother returned to the room, Sung Jae knew what he had to do. He had to ask. And if it was indeed them, then he had to let them know how much their single effort had changed everything for him, for a lot of them.

“Mum?” He called as his mother busily worked through her new purchases. She mustn’t have expected to hear from him that she appeared genuinely surprised.

“Yes, sweets?” She returned, hiding her surprise.

“Well…” he scratched the back of his head, looking away. “They sent some bullies on community service recently”

His mother looked at him for a second and returned to the task in her hands, appearing nonchalant. “Really? That’s great. Looks like things are changing”

“Yeah” Sung Jae muttered mostly to himself. They were quiet for a moment, and Sung Jae was uncertain of how to put it into words, asking her the question. He hadn’t talked about the incident for days, now, and he just couldn’t bring himself to bring it up again. He mulled it out for a while, carefully choosing his words. But before he could even voice out his thoughts, his mother beat it to him. 

“You might have probably guessed it already...but your dad...he told me everything” she said.

He assumed that much, and if he was to be honest he wasn’t bothered by it either. “I know” he shrugged nonchalantly, yet avoiding her eyes.

She laid the carrier bags inside the empty crib and sat on the bed beside him. She looked even rounder when she sat down, almost as if she’d expanded more. His mom let out a loud, heavy sigh. 

“I know, you probably didn’t want me and dad to intervene, it’s usually the case with any kid your age, and that’s only because you think we don’t understand”

Sung Jae remained silent at that, not wanting to say anything that could hurt her. He thought he’d probably hurt her enough, and half the things that happened weren’t even her fault. Besides, she was a child psychologist. She indeed knew more than he would.

“We probably don't,” she continued, her voice motherly, yet quiet. “But we tried to. We spoke to the twins, their parents, tried to understand what was wrong and thought really hard about what we should do”

Sung Jae thought it was the perfect opportunity to throw in his own question, what had him on toes the entire time. 

“It was mum and dad, wasn’t it? You spoke to the school” it was only then that he dared to look at her, determined to find an answer. The way she looked at him cleared all his doubts. 

She purses her lips into a tight smile. “Someone has to do it, don’t you think?” 

Sung Jae shrugged, yet he felt relieved at the same time. Things wouldn’t be the same after this. Bullying probably wouldn’t stop. Jong Dae would return, perhaps stronger after the service and more and more people would feel threatened and betrayed by his presence. But for once in his life, he wasn’t terrified. Sung Jae realized, what scared him the most was that he had to suffer while keeping his parents in the dark, it was the fear of knowing their reaction, fear of them putting the blame on him or taking it on their own. But now, he knew he didn’t have to fear anymore, for he had a mother and perhaps even a father who’d stand with him through it all. 

“Yeah...I guess” he didn’t even realize it, yet his lips have formed a smile. He looked over at his mother and saw the same woman who loved him incessantly and took him under her wing so many years ago. He used to be terrified of his own mother, who’s words hurt him, scalded him. It was his babysitter who’d been a comfort at that time, one that not words could explain. Strange how fate had worked out in a way that the same person of comfort had now become his mother, and was now comforting him again.

Perhaps he could forgive her for having a baby after all.

“Mum?” He called her after a while, and she looked at him with the same look of surprise. “Yes, pumpkin?”

Sung Jae climbed back on his feet. “The-the baby room…” he scratched the back of his head, in disbelief of his own audacity. “I think...I think it needs more doodling” he muttered awkwardly and soon proceeded to leave the room. It was his mother’s voice which stopped him on his tracks.

“Let’s make it pink, and dainty” she said, sounding a little embarrassed herself. “I think your baby sister would like that”

He had guessed as much, but he never knew. It was weird, really. He hadn’t thought he’d ever have a change of hearts. But now he found himself wanting to meet his little sister after all.

***

Sunggyu didn’t go back to work after all. He left home that afternoon after having a simple lunch with Eunji, and he was on his way when he received a rather alarming call. His phone rang incessantly for a long time, a number he recognized as a phone box. When he picked up, quite concerned himself, it was his mother, her voice barely audible as she gasped through her tears. Apparently the doctor has shared the news of their father’s fate with her as well, and she, of course, hadn’t taken it very well. Sunggyu regretted not having told them the truth at the right time. Hearing it from him wouldn’t have been as hard as hearing it from the doctor himself. So Sunggyu ended up driving to the hospital to comfort her and had to take the entire day off from work.

“Will you be okay?” Junhyung asked him carefully after he informed him of his predicament, and his concern made him feel slightly relieved. 

“I have to be, don’t I?” He replied. Sunggyu has taken so many unplanned leaves that he felt terrible to be leaving all his workload behind. The forensic department got hundreds of different cases every day, and being a team leader, many of them come under his wing. His absence at work has affected his team so much although they never let on, lest they worried him even more. If he was to be honest, he didn’t expect for things to get any better, for he has accepted that they wouldn’t. He just wanted things to be over with so he could return to his normal life again. Yet, he did understand that things would never be the same again.

“How about you? How are things at work?” Sunggyu asked quietly as his guilt was eating him up inside. 

“Everything is fine,” Junhyung reassured him. “I’ve talked to Prosecutor Lee about it. He understands...we’ll take care of it for the time being”

Prosecutor Lee was responsible for the case they were handling at the moment, a series of gang violence that has happened within a span of a month. Sunggyu had done his part as much as he could with regards to material evidence, but that didn’t mean he could disregard his work due to personal matters. His colleagues may forgive him now, but at some point his inability to compartmentalise would arise; this he knew.

“Okay” Sunggyu sighed, placing a hand on his forehead. “Thank you, Junhyung-ah...and I’m sorry”

“What is there to be sorry about?” Junhyung reprimanded in return. “Take your time, pull yourself together and come back to work soon”

They shared brief farewells then and Sunggyu waited until the line went dead from the other end. He had returned to that self again; tiresome and dependent, utterly vulnerable and craving for comfort all the time. He had thought, being married, being a father of a teenager and a father of two would change things; he’d thought he would be stronger, perhaps happier. But it was only the people and circumstances around him that had changed, and he despised himself for that. 

When he finally arrived at the hospital, his mother was sitting outside his father’s room, in a plastic chair, appearing lost and all on her own. He slipped into the seat beside her and took her hand.

“Where’s Jieun?”

“I told her to go home, since you were coming” his mother replied almost mechanically. 

Since the day his father’s condition got worse, his mother has been only two things. She’d be either crying, her cheeks stained, her skin reddened and hands trembling as she hid herself in his or his sister’s arms. Or she’d be dark, somber and empty as if all hopes were lost, staring blankly into an abyss he himself couldn’t see. It’s almost as if her usual happy-go-lucky self has out of her. She didn’t return home anymore, claiming that their old house held too many memories and it made her feel like her heart’s being ripped apart. She stayed at his sister’s, refusing to move in with him as it was too far from the hospital. He understood why she wouldn’t stay at their old house. The truth was,  no matter where he went, no matter how long it has been, it is where he felt more at home. He did love his own family home immensely; if anything he treasured it with his whole heart. But the memories that his old home held were irreplaceable. He himself found it difficult to return to those times again.

“Tell her she can return tomorrow” Sunggyu told her, making up his mind. “I’ll stay with you”

 He has never stayed overnight because of Eunji. But tonight he realized he had to make that little sacrifice. 

His mother slowly turned to him. “Tonight?”

He nodded. “Yeah, tonight”

“Then what about Eunji?”

“She’d be fine…” he replied, quite confident himself and when his mother appeared concerned, he squeezed her hand gently. “She’d be fine mum. Sung Jae is there. Besides the neighbors will help if anything comes up”

“Are you sure?”

He had to expect his mother to worry about everything and everyone despite the biggest issue at hand.

“Certain” he told her reassuringly. “But If it’s any consolation, I’ll call her time to time”

His mother mulled it over for a second and finally agreed. “Okay...if you’re sure”

“I’m sure” he told her with a smile.

His mother nodded back, and for a moment they were quiet, with her gently fidgeting with his hand. Sunggyu was not used to these quiet moments with her, as she was someone who always had something to fill the silence with. It showed just how much she had changed within this brief span of time, how vulnerable she had become. He imagined her thoughts to be wild and erratic in her mind. She must be going through so much right now, and all he could offer were his positive thoughts and comforting words.

So he took the chance to fill the silence himself.

“Mum?” He called out to her.

“Hm?”

“We went to clinic today, Eunji and I”

His mother adored listening to him speak of their children as, for his mother, they were her only happiness. She asked after Sung Jae often and he’d fill up on the good things for her. It made her equally happy to hear about Eunji too, and the biggest change that they had coming in their life.

“How is the baby doing?”

“Fantastic” Sunggyu replied with a little excitement in his tone. Indeed he was excited. He couldn’t wait to see his little girl, show her off to everyone, tell the world that she was his daughter. He pulled out his phone so he could show her the blurry pictures of the sonogram that Eunji wanted him to show her.

As expected, her eyes lightened up upon seeing the pictures.

“We’re certain she’s a girl now. And the doctor says she’s going to be very smart because she already knows to her thumb”

“She’s perfect” his mother cooed distractedly and looked up to face him. “Have you decided on names yet?”

It was a discussion that he and Eunji never got around to have. He didn’t think they chose names before the child was born, especially since they weren’t planning to find the baby’s gender. But now that he thought of it, perhaps it’s high time that they did.

“I thought maybe you can do it the traditional way, if you’d like” His mother put in cautiously.

“The traditional way?” Sunggyu narrowed his eyes. He never knew that there was a traditional way of giving names. “Honestly we were thinking of a name starting with Eun since Sung Jae is taking after me”

His mother threw the most unimpressed look. “Aigoo! How do you think you were named?”

“Oh…” Sunggyu scratched his head. If he was to be completely honest, he didn’t like the idea of naming his girl some traditional way. It probably involved going to a shaman or an old person with the birth date and them suggesting what Chinese characters to include in her name. The worst he could expect was having to name his daughter with some ridiculous syllables which she would be stuck with for the rest of her life. Perhaps he should talk to Eunji about it himself. But seeing how his mother looked at him in anticipation, Sunggyu couldn’t bring himself to break her heart.

“Well, I think it would be nice…” Sunggyu shrugged.

“We have to wait until she’s born then” his mother replied, looking away. “We need her day and time of birth”

Sunggyu expected as much. “She’d be here in like three weeks, I think” Sunggyu said in an attempt to change the topic.

“Three weeks…” his mother reiterated, sounding a bit dazed, staring ahead. “Three weeks...a lot could change in three weeks”

Sunggyu realized what they were approaching, and his heart fell. “M-mum…”

His mother squeezed his hand in the trembling one of hers and leaned against his shoulder. Sunggyu naturally put his arm around her, bringing her into his embrace.

“You know…” she started after a deep breath. “I don’t expect him to get better, your father. It’s going to hurt so much, but I want him to stop suffering. I hate seeing him like this, Sunggyu. He’s in so much pain…”

He pressed his cheek upon her head and closed his eyes. She was right. He knew this too, deep within him that he, as well as his mother wanted it to end. It’s the uncertainty and the anxiety that entailed which hurt them the most; how slow time seemed to be in his father’s presence, how they had to pretend everything was fine before his eyes while they were all well aware that things were falling apart. He wanted them to end. He wanted to end the pretense, the anxiety, the heartbreak. But time just didn’t seem to be on their side.

“If there is no hope, why are we holding him back like this? Why do we give him more pain?” His mother continued, her voice breaking with every word. “It’s so selfish of us isn’t it? Just because we want to see him longer, we hold him back-,”

“Mum…” Sunggyu called her, interrupting her thoughts and pulled away in order to see her better. He laid both his hands on her shoulders. “Listen. What if we’re not holding him back but he’s persevering for even longer? What if he’s trying to have more time with us? Then wouldn’t we be selfish to take that away?”

“I know” she sobbed, burying her face in both her hands. “But it’s so difficult, Sunggyu, it’s so hard and I feel like my heart is about to burst”

Sunggyu pursed his lips together, holding back his own tears and pulled her into his embrace. He understood her for that’s exactly what he felt every single day. Perhaps it was worse for her, perhaps he did not understand what she felt and perhaps he wasn’t even close. But right now she needed that comfort of knowing that they were in the same place, battling through it together.

“It’s okay” he muttered, holding her close, feeling her small, fragile warmth in his embrace. “Everything’s going to be alright Mum”

“But when?” She cried into his shoulder. “When, Sunggyu?”

“Soon” he sighed, wishing he knew the answer to her himself. “And until then, I will be with you”

It took a while for his mother to come down, with much coaxing and comforting, with him holding her the whole time. Once she was calm and once he deemed they were ready, the two of them went to see his father. He was not as well as he used to be, but that night he appeared to be in good spirits. Sunggyu tried to keep the atmosphere light and cheerful the entire time, and responded to his father to every question he asked. His voice was barely audible, so much as a raspy gasp; but he was able to understand him. Sunggyu did most of the talking while his mother busied herself with folding and cleaning and fussing around. Sunggyu filled in on his family to his father, told him excitedly about Eunji’s progress and showed him the photos from the sonogram as well, which he looked at through narrowed eyes. After that, his father claimed as naturally as ever that he’d very much like to see Eunji again. Not in so many words, but at least that’s what he understood from him.

He confided in his mother about it after his father fell asleep.

“Eunji?” She whispered sharply as if she hadn’t heard him clearly. “But is that okay? I don’t think she’s in the right shape to move around”

Eunji, Sunggyu knew, was in perfect shape to move about if her enthusiasm for shopping that afternoon explained anything. What he understood by her words was that she wouldn’t be mentally prepared to see state of the father figure she loved the most. Eunji might appear strong and resilient from the outside, but Sunggyu knew that underneath she could hurt so much and she’d never let on.

“He never asked to see her before” His mother continued, concern embedded in her tone. She looked up at him baffled and terrified all of a sudden, her face appalled, and took both his hands in hers.

“Mum?”

She looked over at his father who was sound asleep. 

“Sunggyu...he asked you not to trouble her, didn’t he? Why would he suddenly want to see her?”

Sunggyu’s father did mention that once when he was quite better as he was worried he’d end up hurting her at a crucial time. On the other hand, Sung Gyu too harbored the same concern. As much as he was surprised by his sudden revelation, he didn’t want to jump into conclusions.

“Mum…” He tried to convince her quietly but she was far gone at that point. “Sunggyu why would he say that? Does it mean anything? Why does he want to see her all of a sudden?”

Sunggyu understood what she implied, how people who neared their demise desired to see people they loved for one last time. But Sunggyu wasn’t ready for it, he would never be ready for terrifying possibilities.

“Mum you’re just reading too much into it” he sighed.

“Huh?”

“Maybe he just wants to see her” Sunggyu went on, hoping he made sense to her. “He hadn’t seen her in a while and she’s pregnant. He’d obviously want to see her and perhaps feel the baby bump or something. That would make him feel better”

Sunggyu’s mother seemed to have calmed down a little, and she lowered their hands. She was just a big anxious bundle these days, and he had to handle her with utmost care. In a way she wasn’t much different from Eunji herself.

“Do you really think it’s the case?” She asked him quietly.

“It should be” he replied and finally he pulled out his phone. “And I will talk to Eunji about it, I’ll ask if she’d be fine to see him and if so, we’ll let him”

“But Sunggyu” she called and held him back by his arm. “Are you sure about it? Will she be okay?”

“I will ask her,” he assured her. “And then we will see, hm?”

His mother let out a heavy sigh and finally gave in.

Outside in the waiting room, with a warm can of coffee in hand, Sunggyu dialed Eunji’s number. She took a while to pick up, and he thought she was probably asleep. But when she answered she sounded quite too animated for someone who just got up from a nap. He could hear the TV blasting in the background and she was laughing. The sound of her voice felt like a drizzle of rain on his heart.

“Hi!” She exclaimed cheerfully and he could hear her telling someone to lower the sound. Soon her voice was clearer.

“Hey,” he sat down in one of the plastic chairs and rested his arm on the backrest. “What are you doing?”

“Me? Oh I was doing something with Sung Jae”

“Sung Jae?” For a moment he thought he heard it wrong. It’s been months since Sung Jae stopped doing anything with either of them, unless it was arguing or pretending that they didn’t exist.

“Yeah Sung Jae” Eunji replied nonchalantly. “We were on his PlayStation, don’t tell him I told you”

Sunggyu could only blink in response, surprised to the point that he was speechless.

“On-on his PlayStation?” He reiterated, just to be certain. The last time he and Sung Jae played on his PlayStation together, Sung Jae was 13 and he was refusing to speak to him while Sunggyu was desperately trying to make up with him. His chest tightened for some reason, recalling the past, and he felt warmth in his eyes. He could be imagining things, but was his son finally coming out of his shells again?

“Wait” Eunji told him all of a sudden and he could hear her yelling off the phone, ‘You go ahead, I’m on phone with dad’ and for his utter befuddlement, Sung Jae yelled ‘Okay’ in return. Sunggyu ran a hand down his face, he was nearly trembling. All the effort that they put in, talking to his school, his teachers, his friends; were they really about to pay off? If anything, what Sunggyu had expected and anticipated was of the other end of the spectrum, not this.

Sunggyu could hear a door shut close on the other end. “Right, sorry,” Eunji said into the phone again. “Where were we?”

Sunggyu let out a deep breath. He had so many questions for her. At which point did things change? How did they go from not talking to each other to playing games together in their living room? How did they grow up and grow apart only to go back to where they were before everything changed? How did it all happen in a matter of a few hours? And most importantly, where did he fit in the new big picture now? Did he still fit in the big picture anymore? 

Or was he imagining things? Have things not changed as much as he imagined them to have?

But he knew better not to ask anything. It wasn’t his place to put in his own thoughts when Eunji had finally made up with her son. Sung Jae took ages to actually accept her in the beginning, and this must be a massive step ahead for her. He had to be happy. 

“You were  telling me about how you two were playing Games together” he reminded her casually instead, and added with much emphasis; “On a school night”

“Oh umm” Eunji hesitated, reminding him of the past when he’d caught her and Sung Jae playing until late together, a time that, for him, was so far away. The memories made him smile in return.

“Anyway, I called because I have to ask you something” Sunggyu finally got to the point. 

“Oh, alright, okay” Eunji sounded relieved that the topic has changed. “What is it?”

“Well it’s err...about my dad…” he pressed a hand on his forehead and waited, anticipating her response. 

“Okay” she repeated rather cautiously. “What about him?”

“Nothing to worry…” he started, keeping his lukewarm can of coffee aside. “So I’m at the hospital and he…” 

Sunggyu recited the day’s events and the reason behind his call as briefly as possible, paying close attention to her reaction. She was quiet for the most part, humming and giving very brief responses then and there. In the end, he let out a heavy sigh and took a sip of the coffee which has begun to run cold. “I’m just telling you…” he told her in the end to remind her that there was no pressure behind his request. “But if you don’t want to, it’s completely fine, Mum understands”

Eunji didn’t even take time to think it over. “Well, I’d like that, very much. I mean, I haven’t seen dad for a long time and…” she cleared . “I was wondering if I could visit him but didn’t bring it up because I thought...you wouldn’t want me there”

“I don’t want you here” Sunggyu admitted unhesitantly. “But not for the reason you think”

“Then?” Eunji pushed on, her voice coated with a tinge of hurt. Sunggyu buried his fingers in his hair and let out a sigh. 

“I was just scared”

“Scared of what?”

“Scared of…” he started and struggled to put his thoughts into words. “...hurting you,” he replied. “I was worried if seeing him like this will hurt you”

He didn’t want her to know this, knowing fully well how she’d respond. She would be hurt. Eunji was so fragile that even a little strain could hurt her. She would never say it, she wouldn’t let it on but she would hide it, deep underneath and let the pain stew inside her until she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Sunggyu…” She started, a little strain in her voice which already worried him.

“Anyway, forget it. It’s okay...I don’t think you’re in the right shape to see him-,”

“I want to” Eunji interrupted his ramble, halting him in the middle. “You didn’t even let me speak, I mean, I will feel it badly if he wasn’t in good shape, but isn’t it just natural? Besides, he’s your father and mine too, whom I love a lot. And I know that things are...uncertain right now and I understand that. So I want to see him. I have to...before it’s too late”

“Eunji…” Sunggyu started, yet trailed off as he’s rendered speechless. It appeared that he had underestimated her, hadn’t seen her side too well. Eunji had a point, a very good point. What if she never gets to see him again? What he wouldn’t get to see her? Wouldn’t that be selfish of him to let that happen, allow Eunji to live with that guilt only because he was afraid to let her be hurt?

“If anything…” Eunji added in the end, “oppa I’m glad that you asked”

Sunggyu stared ahead of him as his eyes filled with warmth. “Yeah…” he nodded to himself. “Me too…”

By the time Sunggyu ended the call, his coffee was as cold as the atmosphere around him. With a heavy heart after hearing Eunji’s sincere confession, Sunggyu discarded his cold coffee and treated himself with a warmer, fresher can along with another for his mother and returned to his father’s room. He told Eunji that he won’t be returning home for the night and she agreed without a question. Life was easier with her, with how far-sighted and understanding she was. All she told him in return was to have dinner and look after his mother as she needed it the most and also that she and Sung Jae would share take away together. Sunggyu felt much lighter after speaking to her, as if she’d blown away the dark cloud which would otherwise hover above him. Every time he thought his life was falling apart, he’d think of his little family and he’d find hope again. 

After returning to his father’s room, Sunggyu told his mother what happened back with the phone call. They spoke in hushed whispers lest they woke up his father again. 

“She said that?” His mother reiterated, appearing surprised by his words. “And she’s fine with seeing him?”

There was a large chunk of that conversation which he held back, but he’s sure his mother got the gist of it; Eunji did want to see him.

“I tried to tell her she didn’t have to...but she insisted so I guess it’s a big yes” he told her.

His mother stared at him for a moment, her eyes tearing up, and soon she moved closer and pulled him into a warm embrace. “Oh Sunggyu” She said; and it was all that she said, nothing more. Yet, he could understand how she felt, what she felt, and all he could do to acknowledge that was to hold her in his arms in return.

Sunggyu stayed up late as his mother wouldn’t sleep, worried his father needed her in the middle of the night. He was severely sleep deprived that he had to keep himself seated otherwise he’d fall asleep. He thought of calling Eunji again, craving to hear her voice. But it was too late in the night and she’d had a long day. Junhyung called him at some point and kept him in company for a while and they talked about their children and work until Junhyung fell asleep during the call. Afterwards Sunggyu walked in circles around the room, had more coffee and gazed out the window at the empty parking lot and the starless sky. He couldn’t take how long these nights felt to be.

His mother was soundly asleep in the sofa and he covered her with a blanket and sat beside her, deep in thoughts. He’d gotten them ramen and kimbap for dinner, half of which she refused to eat. His mother too, was getting frailer by the day, and it terrified him. She refused to talk about what she would do after, whether she would stay in their old house or whether she would move in with him or Jieun. Whenever he’d start the conversation, she would always claim that there’s more time to think about it. The problem was, though, they were never certain of how long they had.

In the end, he did fall into a brief but a deep sleep. His head was heavy as if he was having a hangover, and when he woke up, his surroundings were bleary and unfamiliar to him. His mother was up, fussing about as usual and so was his father, calmly lying in bed. He didn’t even realize that he’d fallen asleep on the bed itself. He sat up straight, stretching his paining arms and back.

“Are you up? Did you have a good sleep?” His mother asked him distractedly. He merely hummed in response, making his way towards the bathroom. He needed to fix himself first.

“There’s a spare toothbrush in there, you can have it” continued his mother from outside. “Your sister will be here soon”

He cleaned up, fixed his hair and stared at his distraught face in the mirror for a long time. It was still very early in the morning, and days were longer on cold days that the sun was already out. He had to report back to work today and he had about four more hours to spare.

“Sunggyu?” His mother popped her head in without shame. “Your dad’s having his morning check up so meanwhile do you mind getting us something for breakfast?” She screwed her face. “I’m starving”

Sunggyu knew, given how much she ate the previous night, that this could happen. So without a word he grabbed his wallet and made it down to the nearest convenience store, slow and drowsy on his feet.

By the time he returned to the corridor where his father’s room was, however, it appeared unexpectedly crowded. He felt panic settle in for a moment, his whole body running cold. It took a moment for his mind and vision to adjust before he took in the sight before him. The corridor was indeed crowded because morning visiting hours had started, and crowding the corridor in front of his father’s room was none other than his wife and his child.

Sunggyu approached the crowd in a new found fervent, hurried on his feet.

“Eunji?” He looked at his wife, and then at his son who was in his school uniform, looking equally confused. “Sung Jae? What are you doing here?”

Eunji cutely waved both her hands and gave him a smile. “A good morning to you too. You said I could visit your father so that’s what we’re doing”

“But-but…” he stammered and gestured at Sung Jae sharply. “What is Jae doing here? He has school!”

“It’s barely six,” Eunji said dismissively as if it’s no big deal. “We can send him back on time”

Sunggyu turned to his son and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Can you make it back on time?”

Sung Jae shrugged.

Sunggyu let out a heavy sigh. Trust Eunji to pull a ridiculous stunt. “You’re taking a taxi to school,” he informed his son.

“Sunggyu, let them be,” said his mother, who held Eunji’s hand, smiling brightly. For the first time in days, his mother looked genuinely happy which put his heart at a rest. He should have done this before, he should have at least prompted her to go home with him. Perhaps a little comfort from Eunji was all she needed.

“Let the boy see his grandpa” his mother continued, reaching for Sung Jae’s hand.  

“Yeah, you’re freaking out for nothing” Eunji added, pouting like a child.

“Fine” Sunggyu let out a heavy sigh and approached his boy. “But you’re heading straight to school afterwards okay? I’ll call a taxi for you. I don’t want you to be late”

“Come” His mother took his place instead. Sung Jae was quiet as ever, his face straight, expressionless. Sunggyu stared after him, exhausted as ever as food ran cold in his hands. Once the door closed behind them, Sunggyu finally looked over at Eunji who gave her the warmest smile. 

“Look at you, my poor baby” She cooed at him, making him cringe. He could swear both his cheeks were tinted crimson and he sure hoped nobody heard her. She made a few short strides towards him and took his face in her hands. Her eyes were glimmering. He could see that she was playing.

“Are you okay? Are you tired?” She caressed his cheeks, speaking in a baby voice .

“Ji” he started, dodging her question. “I know I asked you to see him, but I didn’t want you to come all on your own”

He didn’t want to reprimand her for doing this, she was a strong woman herself. But she was also pregnant, due in two weeks. What if, god forbid, but what if anything happened?

“I wasn’t on my own” Eunji continued to caress his cheek as she replied reassuringly. “I was with Sung Jae”

“But still…” he sighed, hating himself for doing this, worrying so much this way. “Sung Jae is only a child”

“A very strong, intelligent child” she corrected him and finally retrieved her hands. “You’re worrying too much, Sung Gyu...I’m completely fine, Jae is completely fine. We’re here now and everything is okay” 

Sunggyu gazed at her for a moment and saw promise in her eyes. Of course, she understood him. There was nobody else who would as much as she did. Eunji knew he loved them, and she knew anything he did or said was to protect them; and so she would protect what he loved. 

In the end, he nodded in response, finally giving in. He’d been on the edge for the past few months, always thinking, always worrying and it has started to affect those around him too. Perhaps, Sunggyu should give himself a break.

So he looked up at Eunji and gave her a tight smile. “I’m glad you’re here…”

“There you go” Eunji smiled in return and patted his gently on his cheek. “Anyway, I’ve brought you breakfast and a change of clothes. Thought you might need them”

“I do” Sunggyu admitted and held up the bag in his hands. “But I’ve bought food too”

“Oh no, not the measly convenience store meals” Eunji reprimanded and took the bag from him which she replaced with a bento box carrier instead. “I’ve made food at home”

As Sunggyu stared down at the pink and white checkered bag in his hand, his heart started beating incessantly in his chest, and he felt like he’s about to tear up. He didn't think it was possible to love someone this much, but he could and he would, again and again.

“Eunji…” he muttered, lifting the bag. “Did you wake up early and cook all of this?”

“That was no trouble...I couldn’t sleep much anyway” she replied nonchalantly. “Besides, Sung Jae helped me”

The knot in his throat tightened even further. “Sung Jae did?”

“Mmhm, by the way oppa” Eunji took his hand and the both of them settled in plastic chairs in the corridor. “I think what we did with school is working out”

Sung Gyu had been meaning to ask her about it, because Sung Jae didn’t physically show any difference recently; he was just his usual aloof self around him. But what with him playing games with Eunji last night and actually not showing annoyance upon Sunggyu’s overwhelming concern definitely appeared to be good signs.

“Did he say anything?” He asked her.

“Yeah, he did,” she continued. “He was telling me that almost all the bullies at school are being given disciplinary actions, some are given warnings and community service. He himself asked me if we did anything”

Sunggyu tightened his fist. “What did you tell him?”

“The truth” she shrugged. “He didn’t take it badly. If anything, he seemed kind of glad”

Sunggyu turned to her, perplexed. “That’s so unexpected. I didn’t think he’d take it well”

“Neither did I” Eunji said, distractedly playing with his hand.

“But you know” she started after a while, looking over at him. “Sometimes I think he wanted us to listen, to know and do something about it. Maybe he did wish for our help but he just didn’t know how to approach us…”

“But why didn’t he tell us then?” Sunggyu pushed on, concerned. “Sung Jae used to tell me everything”

“He did” Eunji nodded in agreement. “But then he grew up. He’s a teenager now, and growing up he had to see and go through so much so naturally he would close up like that” She looked at Sunggyu, a tight smile on her lips.

“It’s us who did wrong you see...we didn’t think he’d change and we waited for him to tell us everything. We probably weren’t approachable enough”

Sunggyu mulled it over in the brief moment of silence that followed. She was indeed right, when he came to think of it. They tried everything to understand him; became too soft, became too rough while the only thing they didn’t try to see was that he’d grown up.

“So” he started, recalling how Eunji seemed to have cracked the code. “How did you do it? How did you talk to him?”

“Simple” Eunji shrugged in response. “You know how when we’re talking to babies we change our voice, and when they’re crawling we get on the floor with them too?”

“Hm” he couldn’t yet understand what she was trying to imply.

“In the same way,” she continued. “We need to come down to their level. We need to think from their shoes and we need to be fifteen again”

“Is that what you did yesterday?” He prompted on.

“Not completely…” she sighed, staring away. “But whatever we’re doing now, it seems to have worked out” she looked over at the closed door, probably thinking of their son behind the door. “We just need to try harder”

“And we will,” Sunggyu said determinedly. Eunji turned back to him and smiled. It was perhaps the moment that he fell in love with her again for the hundredth time. Years ago, he’d been terrified of how this time was going to be. How would he raise a teenage child, how would he do it on his own? Thinking back, Sunggyu realized that things wouldn’t have been easy. Eunji had made everything simpler, everything better. He would have been nothing without her.

So he did the one thing he’d been craving to do the entire day. He moved closer and pulled her into his arms. 

“Eunji-ah” he breathed against her skin and closed his eyes. “What would I have done without you?”

“You would have worked it out anyway” She muttered into his shoulder.

“I don’t think I would have...not without you”

“You did do well without me” she reminded him, laughing softly.

He pulled away and held her by her shoulders. “I did. But then Sung Jae grew up. Right now, I will be lost without you…”

Eunji smiled and hugged him again. “And that’s why you’ve got me…”

“I love you,” he said.

He didn’t know how long they held each other. He could feel her abdomen hard beneath his arm, and her sweet scent of vanilla and talc filled his breath. He closed his eyes and basked in her warmth, feeling himself unravel. Eunji made everything possible, and he couldn’t love her more.

The two of them finally pulled away upon the sound of someone clearing their throat. Sung Jae has come out, and he didn’t look too happy to see his parents being intimate in the hospital corridor. He looked away, burying his hands in his pockets, appearing macho as ever. Eunji glanced at him and shook her head with a smile.

“Aigoo” his mother exclaimed as she exited the room herself. She looked at either of them, approached Eunji and took her hand. “Dad is so excited that you’re here! I’ve been telling him how prettier you’ve become”

Eunji laughed shyly, her cheeks turning red. 

“Come, come” his mother ushered her towards the room. “We can’t possibly keep you here for long now”

“Wait” Sunggyu called, climbing up on his feet. “Mum, she’d made breakfast for us…”

His mother let out an exaggerated gasp. “My! You didn’t have to go through all that trouble like this” 

“It was no trouble at all” Eunji laughed dismissively

“But still…”

Sunggyu, who realized that this exchange will continue for a while, decided to rescue his son from being a quiet bystander.

“Jae, you’re good to go?”

Sung Jae nodded without a word.

“Right then, tell your grandparents and come along”

After a lengthy, emotional goodbye where his mother kept tearfully reminiscing Sung Jae’s younger days for a long time, the two of them traversed the corridor making their way back to the main entrance. The hospital was like the labyrinth, and the cancer wards were in the furthest end that it took them a while to find their way around. It was the first time that the two of them were alone with each other after the incident at the police station, so Sunggyu took it as the opportunity to have a conversation that’s been long overdue. 

It was strange, how much his son has grown up. Just a couple of years ago, Sung Jae was so little and Sunggyu had frequently carried him in his arms. But now he’d grown nearly as tall as himself. It was nostalgic to think that there’s been a point in their lives that Sunggyu had set him down on the ground and never picked him up again.

Sung Jae was never a conversation starter, at least not the teenage version of him. So Sunggyu had to gather his courage and break the silence himself.

“Did you speak to Grandpa?” He asked him, to which he only nodded in response.

Sunggyu nodded back and buried both his hands in his pocket. They’ve approached the lift. “He can’t speak much now, he had a recently and…” Sunggyu trailed off as he pressed the key to the ground floor. He didn’t have to add the rest, he didn’t want to, as it was a constant reminder of what was to come forth in his life. Sung Jae was quiet, his head lowered, even as the lift arrived. The lift doors parted and a bunch of nurses in their pale green uniforms briskly passed by. It’s never been so quiet between them. Years back, Sung Jae was always the one to keep the conversations going between them while he would quietly listen and watch him, allowing his words to fill the void. They used to be friends, best of friends, and Sung Gyu would give anything if they could go back to being who they used to be.

But Eunji was right, what they never realised was that Sung Jae grew up. They couldn’t fit him into a mould and expect him to turn out exactly how they wished him to be. He’d change, he'd rebel, he’d have his own thoughts and wishes and dreams and all Sung Gyu and Eunji could do, as his parents was allowing him to grow in his own pace and own space while supporting him from the sidelines.

“Your mum told me about...um, school...actually. That there’s been some progress” Sung Gyu piped up as the lift started to descend. Sung Jae nodded quietly as he stared down at the carpet underneath, his hands buried in his pocket. 

“How is the boy who’d been troubling you?” He proceeded on cautiously. He didn’t want to go into too much detail, afraid that he would close up to them again. 

“Quiet” Sung Jae vaguely replied.

“He didn’t bother you recently?”

Sung Jae shook his head, which gave him a large sense of relief. The truth was, however, it was just the calm before the storm. It would be like a chain reaction. The bullies would be caught for the time being as parents have stood up to it, but once things calm down, it was highly likely that the kids would fall back to the same routine again, and school probably wouldn’t notice, not until the next big issue arises. It was a common phenomena. It wasn’t like bullying didn’t exist until it happened to his son. It wasn’t noticed until it happened to him and Sung Gyu and Eunji took a stand. So certainly it would happen again. And when it does, Sung Gyu wants Sung Jae to be prepared for it.

“You know” He started as they watched the numbers on the lift descend. “Although it's quiet for now, it could start again, right?”

At this, Sung Jae lifted his head and looked at him. The lift came to a stand still at the ground floor and opened up to a busy entranceway. Sung Gyu put a hand around his son’s back as he led him outside.

“Once he comes back after community service or whatever he’d been assigned for, he would probably come back. I know that the school did something great, but it's probably not the first time that they did. Once the hype dies down, kids are going to return to how they were…”

Sung Jae was quiet as he listened to his father attentively, his head lowered, hands still in his pockets. They swarmed through the crowded hospital hallway and exited, out into the cold yet brilliant morning. There weren’t many vehicles outside, the road was calm for an early morning. While they waited for the taxi to arrive, Sung Gyu brought him to a side of the hospital curbs. He turned him around to face him, his hands on both his shoulders. And was surprised that he was tall enough to be standing at the same level as himself. Earlier, when he was still a child, he’d had to crouch down to his level for this conversation. 

“How are you feeling now, now that it's quiet?” Sung Gyu asked him.

Sung Jae was actually meeting his eyes when he replied. “Better” He said, and warming Sung Gyu’s heart for a second, a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.

Sung Gyu smiled back, albeit cautiously as his hands tightened on his shoulders. His heart was pounding so hard. His son, he was slowly coming back out of his shell, little quiet steps, and all Sung Gyu wanted was to hold him in his arms for the longest time just like he used to.

“Good” Sung Gyu nodded, and he realised that his voice cracked. He took a deep breath and nodded to himself. He had no more words to say, overwhelmed, perhaps, his heart filled with joy. He rubbed the side of Sung Jae’s neck, squeezed his shoulder. “Good….just…” He met his eyes. “Just hold onto it, just hold onto it, Jae….and, whatever happens, appa is with you”

When he was still a child, it was so much easier to talk to him, to love him without restraints. Sung Jae had no trouble accepting it, just the same, with open arms and wide smiles. The fifteen year old Sung Jae, grown up and different and having lived so many phases in life was no longer the same. He had high walls built around him, protecting his young, fragile heart, keeping in so much to himself and struggling with the new changes in his life; he was closed up and with so little words and perhaps even a tad bit of resentment that perhaps Sung Gyu himself was responsible for. Whatever happened, however he would be, Sung Gyu knew by then, even after their daughter was born, Sung Jae would always be his first child and that love he had for him would remain unchanging.

When the taxi arrived and rounded the  corner towards the main entrance, Sung Gyu reached for his son and fixed his hair with his fingers. It was the same texture as his own, slightly wavy, soft and uncooperative. It was a struggle to keep it from falling over his eyes. He quickly fixed his collar, put the knot of his tie in place and finally stepped back. Ten year old Sung Jae wordlessly loved it when he held him in a long hug before being dropped to school. For the fifteen year old version of him. It was probably the last thing he needed. Sung Gyu, with a heavy heart, could only rub his arm.

“Do you have enough pocket money?” He asked as they descended the steps to the car.

Sung Jae nodded.

“Mum will be home after school but I will probably be late” He informed him, just in case. He opened the door for him and Sung Jae climbed in. Sung Gyu reached out and fixed his hair once more before he reached for his wallet and produced a fifty thousand won note. 

“Here, keep this for taxi fare and keep the rest”

Sung Jae probably didn’t expect that amount that he looked over at him in wonderment.

“Take care, Sung Jae, I love you” Sung Gyu told him as he stepped away, closing the door after him. Before the car moved on, however, Sung Jae, much to his surprise, rolled down the car’s window and looked at him. There was something unreadable in his eyes, and then-,

“Me too...appa…”

Sung Gyu’s heart constricted, and he felt warm, he felt happy. That was the moment he realised that, though years had passed, certain little things about Sung Jae had never changed. 

Eunji maintained a gentle smile upon her lips the entire time, yet, inside, she was breaking apart. She now knew the reason why Sung Gyu had been crying in his car every night, the reason behind the tired creases around his eyes, the dull quietness in his voice, the reason why he’d lost his shine. Lying in the hospital bed, Sung Gyu’s father had started fading away. He no longer looked like himself; no longer was there the shine in his eyes, the smile on his lips, that dark tuft of hair he used to nicely fix every time they visited them was there no longer, and the arms that used to carry Sung Jae around were small, boney and weak. Eunji thought at that moment that it wasn’t the same father in law that lied there anymore.

Sung Gyu’s mother picked up his hand and placed it upon her belly, allowing him to feel his granddaughter for the first time in a while. She had certainly grown since the last time he met her, yet he wasn’t conscious enough to understand that as he blankly stared up at her, his eyes sunken, not a smile on his lips.

“It’s a girl, do you feel her?” Sung Gyu’s mother whispered gently, and Eunji too placed her hand on top of the two others upon her. She could feel the baby moving inside her, perhaps realising that she had company.

“She’s moving” Eunji muttered, keeping her voice from cracking. “She’s happy, i think”

He looked down at where his hand lied, and Eunji felt his fingers slowly sink against her skin. She rubbed the sagged layer of his skin on his arm. He felt so weak, so small. She swallowed hard, fighting the tears in her eyes. There was the question at that point which was indefinitely floating in the heavy air around them, the one question that she knew neither her mother in law nor herself would want answers to, and the way that he held onto her belly at that time seemed to tell them everything that they did not need to know.

The door opened behind them after a while, and Sung Gyu entered, his hair dishevelled but certainly a little brighter than he was when she’d seen him. Eunji assumed that he had had the talk with Sung Jae on his way to drop him off at the entrance. Unlike how they used to have long, endless banter between each other when Sung Jae was still young, now their conversations were limited to brief questions and answers and long moments of silence. Judging by the way that he looked at her, Eunji assumed that something about it had most certainly changed.

“How is everyone?” He asked them breathlessly as he approached the bed. The emotion in his eyes was unreadable, yet he was watching her cautiously, scanning her face, her movements. She recalled what he’d told her the previous night; how he was afraid seeing his father like this would be triggering for her. But now that she thought of it, Sung Gyu himself must have been in so much more pain than she could have possibly been in; all this time, for her sake, he’d never let on. 

Eunji smiled at him and reached out for his hand. It was warm, and his fingers slowly threaded through hers. “We were just meeting your dad” She told him gently and glanced down at her stomach, at where three hands lied. “She’s very excited right now,”

Sung Gyu smiled at her warmly, his eyes glimmering. He squeezed her hand gently as if to tell her that she was doing well. 

“Sung Gyu-ah, did Sung Jae go alright?” His mother wanted to know. Sung Gyu reached out and fixed the covers over his father’s frail body. “I dropped him to the taxi, he was fine”

“Taxi fare?” Eunji asked him. Sung Jae always forgot to carry extra money on him and with what he’d dealt with at school it seemed like he purposefully left his pocket money behind. Sunggyu, of course, certainly was aware of this too.

“Gave him some money” He grunted distractedly, his mind certainly far away. It’s been quite difficult to decode what was going on in his mind, what he was thinking, what he was feeling, what more he was hiding from her and that was beginning to drive her insane.

He went around the bed to the other side of his father and sat down on the chair beside him.

“How are you doing appa?” He asked, his voice quiet, gentle, but Eunji realised, there was a certain warmth and clarity that both her and his mother was unable to maintain, a strength that they both failed to gather, and yet Sung Gyu seemed to carry within himself. His father was unable to respond, not in so many words. But Sung Gyu seemed to understand what his eyes were telling him, and he quietly held his hand, watching him.

 Sung Gyu’s mother slowly laid his father’s hand on the bed again and began to fix his covers and fluff his pillows, all in perfect concentration. These were the dynamics that she hadn’t seen the past few days, what his mother did, what Sung Gyu did, or even his sister, how they together coped with this pain, the uncertainty and impending loss all together. For a moment, she felt lonely, left out. If she hadn’t been pregnant, she’d be a part of it too.

“Eunji-ah” Sung Gyu’s mother called out. “You must be tired, you should sit down a bit” She said as she gestured at the sofa in a side of the room. 

Sung Gyu looked over at her. “Have you eaten yet?”

She shook her head. “I was hoping to eat with mom and you…” She sincerely replied.

Upon her response, his mother immediately jumped into action. Even the last time when his father wasn’t sick and she was briefly pregnant for a few months, Sung Gyu’s mother used to be the same. She took the responsibility of grandmotherhood quite seriously, and perhaps even tried to make up for the gap that Eunji’s own mother had left behind. She couldn’t be more thankful to her, for taking care of her, loving her. 

“You shouldn’t have gone through all of this trouble in the first place” She reprimanded as she opened the carrier and took out the bento boxes. “How many weeks do you have left? Two? Three?”

“Two, I think” Eunji muttered quietly, sitting in the plush sofa seat before her.

“Are you comfortable there?” Sung Gyu asked her across the room, to which she only nodded, although she felt stiff and heavy and her back really hurt. 

“Two weeks?” Sung Gyu’s mother echoed, her face brightening up. Eunji had figured out, judging by how she’d reacted to anything related to their two children, hearing about them made her the happiest even if one of them wasn’t even born yet. “That’s so soon...and Eunji-ah, you shouldn’t be moving around this much”

Eunji pursed her lips into a line and looked up at Sung Gyu who approached the sofa seat once his father drifted off to sleep.

“When I called you yesterday, I didn’t mean you should come at the very instant” He too joined in reprimanding her as he took a seat beside her. Although his voice was firm, his hand which laid on her back and was gently caressing her was telling otherwise. “How did you two come?”

“Taxi” Eunji shrugged. Earning a heavy sigh from her husband. 

“Ji, I would have driven you here, you didn’t have to-,”

“It’s fine,” Eunji said, unable to take the overwhelming amount of care anymore. She laid a hand on his knee and looked up into his concerned gaze. “I’m here now, aren’t I? So it’s fine”

After a hearty breakfast, Sung Gyu claimed that he should be heading to work soon. He had taken far too many ad hoc and unplanned leaves and his team was seriously falling behind; it wasn’t something that Sung Gyu could carry on doing as the leader of the team, and so he had to report to work on time.

“I will drop you home” Sung Gyu informed her as he stepped out of the bathroom, buttoning his shirt. He had to clean up in his father’s bathroom as he hadn’t a lot of time to spare; thankfully she’d brought him a change of clothes on her way.

“No, it’s alright” Eunji said, grasping his mother’s hand which was lying on her lap. “I’ll stay until Jieun comes, you can go ahead, you can’t be late today”

Sung Gyu dropped his hands, his shirt half done. “How are you going home, then?”

“Taxi” Eunji said again with a shrug. It wasn’t anything to worry too much about. But Sung Gyu, the biggest worrier she had ever known, wasn’t about to take it too lightly.

“A taxi? On your own?” There was a certain firmness in his voice which only meant that he was actually quite angry.

“I’ll be fine, it’s okay”

“Of course you are but I’m not” he returned, a certain edge to his tone.

“SungGyu-ah” called his mother, finally intervening. “It’s alright, I will have Jieun to drop her off”

“Then what about you mum, will you be staying all alone?”

His mother looked over at her, her gentle eyes falling into her with a knowing gaze. A big worrier. She seemed to tell her. “You’re really thinking too much, Sung Gyu”

He let out a heavy breath and returned to the bathroom. “And you two are driving me insane” He called from inside and came out with his shirt tucked. “What if anything goes wrong? Anything happens? What then?”

Sung Gyu’s mother finally climbed up on her feet and approached him, perhaps, to give him the necessary comfort, reassurance. “Listen, we’re fine, we’re all fine”

He glanced at Eunji and back at his mother. “But mum…”

“I’ll keep an eye on her, don’t you worry, hm?”

“And I’m pretty tough” Eunji chipped in, cheerfully patting on her baby bump. “How else do you think I carried this for nine months?”

In the end, after much persuasion from his mother and herself, Sung Gyu reluctantly so left for work. His face, although doubtful, was still a lot brighter than he looked the past few days, and when Eunji dropped him off to the end of the corridor which was as far as she was allowed to walk, he held her briefly and yet again reminded her that he was glad she was there. It was what she’d been wanting to do and wanting to be for the past months that she’d been left in the dark; to stop being seen as weak and vulnerable, to be needed, to be relied on. When Sung Gyu squeezed her hand before he took off, Eunji couldn’t help the warm smile on her lips. It wasn’t exactly easy for her; she was tired, she felt heavy; her legs were swollen, her back and every limb hurt. But if all her little sacrifices of missed sleep and missed rest meant that she could bring a smile to his lips, she would do all that she did any day. 

She and Sung Gyu’s mother spent the rest of the morning talking amongst themselves. His father slept through the hours, quiet and peaceful, his thin frail body lying lifelessly among the covers, machines beeping, tubes raising and falling to the same rhythm of his heart. His mother said that it was his usual routine. They’ve stopped his treatments as he was too weak to attend chemotherapy anymore, yet he was regularly attended to and had check ups three times a day. They spoke very little about him as Missus Kim had more interest in her son and grandchildren above everything else. They spoke about Sung Jae and Sung Gyu and Missus Kim shared tales from their younger days, when Sung Gyu was still a child, his time in the fields in Jeonju with his grandparents and then about little Sung Jae in the times before she met them. They also talked about her impending delivery, about child birth and how she’d wished to deliver. Eunji’s been worried about it, scared, if anything, as she hadn’t a chance to talk to her only mother figure after Eunmi about it. Missus Kim knew better, as they all say about mothers. Hearing her kind, comforting words washed off all her worries away, having her warm hands rubbing the bump and even talking to her granddaughter made her realise how much she missed this interaction and how much Missus Kim Too, probably missed this. Their days coming forward were uncertain; they hadn’t talked about what Missus Kim would do after Mister Kim, whether she’d move in with them or whether she’d live with her daughter. Eunji deemed that what Missus Kim needed the most was a distraction and the reassurance that there were brighter and better days ahead with the birth of her grand daughter was probably all that she needed.

As late afternoon arrived, Jieun returned to the hospital bringing them lunch. Lunch was a quiet affair as would any meeting be in Jieun’s presence. In the past few days, it appeared as if Jieun’s strong, tough demeanour had started to slowly fade away. Unlike her mother, she didn’t cry in the open; she was quick and meticulous in fulfilling the necessities, whether it was talking to the doctors, bringing their needs, filling papers, cleaning after her sick father; yet she was quieter, her face bleak and emotionless. She was certainly carrying as much as weight as Sung Gyu did, and perhaps even more so as she was someone who’d hardly let on her worries, not even as much as Sung Gyu did. 

She was the one to drop Eunji off to her place after lunch after much reassurance from Sung Gyu’s mother that she would be alright upon her worries and suggestion to take a taxi but not tell her husband. His mother insisted, telling her that she probably wouldn’t be able to keep it from him and he wouldn’t take it too well. In the end, she agreed. The ride was mostly quiet, with Jieun asking brief questions then and there. Over the time their relationship had changed much, with Jieun finding it easier to accept her as family than she imagined. Eunji was able to see more sides of her, that she was funnier than Sung Gyu was, that she was able to fix things and break things just the same. But she couldn’t say if they ever became friends, given that they hadn’t much to converse about to begin with.

By the time she returned home, it had begun to rain. It was the cold, wet season; frequent rains, flooding streets. Storm alerts were coming in on her phone and she was quick enough to check on the kids and how they were returning home. Sung Jae was planning to stay long at school. Since things at school were panning out well these days, he had wanted to go back to playing basketball with the boys, which he probably hadn’t been able to do the past few weeks; she could only assume as he would never say. 

Miyeon offered to drive them home on her way back from work, which was a relief. The rain which only started as a mild cloudburst increased in multitudes as the day progressed. Sung Jae was soaking wet -as he was never one to carry an umbrella or a raincoat with him- as he traversed their garden to the front door, and she had to sit him down and dry his hair as he awkwardly sat in a kitchen chair, trembling and fidgeting.

“They didn’t say about the rain yesterday” She voiced out to fill the silence between them. The entire house was quiet save for the howls and stormy patter outside and on the window panes. She gazed out the parted curtain, and the view outside was nothing more than a blur in the heavy rain.

Sung Jae merely hummed in response. 

“There wasn’t even a sign in the morning, was there, Jae? It was nice and sunny. I wonder what-,”

“Mum?” Sung Jae called her after a while, interrupting her and like she would be every time he called her that, Eunji paused, momentarily shocked. “Yeah?” She swallowed, her hands still holding the towel in his wet locks. She didn’t like the tone in which he called for her. 

Sung Jae’s eyes were set under the kitchen table. “Is Dal okay?”

Eunji hadn’t been able to check on him as she was busy herself calling around, checking on Sung Jae and coordinating with Miyeon about it. Dal was usually quiet around this time of the day. He would just sleep until Sung Jae returned.

But by the way Sung Jae asked her, she felt cold prickles in her skin. She couldn’t bend down to look at him. She was too stiff and heavy to do so.

“Why?” Eunji asked thickly. felt tight and dry. It was all she could venture out as anxiety took over her. It just occurred to her. Sung Jae had just returned, and Dal had never been more quieter around this time of the day.

Quietly so, Sung Jae slipped out from under the towel as she gathered it in her trembling hands. He went under the table and he was silent for a long time. It was a while before he emerged, carefully pulling the heavy dog in his arms. He sat down on the ground, and Eunji’s heart stopped in an instant. Dal was still and quiet, his fur unkempt. It appeared he had wetted himself, which hardly ever happened. There was something irregular in the way that his chest fell and raised, in the way that he raised his head with difficulty and looked at Sung Jae who held him strongly in his arms.

“Mum?” Sung Jae called again, this time his voice louder, a flicker of panic embedded in it. He looked up at her in search for support and for the first time she saw moisture in his eyes, “Mum, why is he like this? Why is Dal like this?”

Eunji didn’t know what to say, herself. Dal was an old dog, perhaps even older than Sung Jae himself. He’d been in her life for a very long time, when she first moved in with the Nam’s from Busan -back then he was still a puppy- the time that Sung Gyu came over, still a bachelor and about to graduate, then as a father, to the point Eunji moved in with him. Dal had pulled through so much, the loss of his partner a few years back, having to move into an all new territory, and he’d immediately found comfort in Sung Jae who in turn found a best friend in him. It’s only been about five to six years since they got together, but for Sung Jae the bond was worth a lifetime. Eunji could see that it was slowly coming to an end now. Dal, now about sixteen years old, couldn’t walk much, ate less and was tired half the time. She’d decided to let him be, let him go when he was ready to. It appeared, now was the time.

But what they say about pets was true. They would never be ready. She would never be ready.

Eunji grasped the back of the chair and gripped it hard for a long time. Sung Jae called her again and again. But it was certain now that he wasn’t calling for her; rather, he was muttering her name mindlessly, trying to find comfort in it, having her the only support at that moment of uncertainty and indescribable pain. He knew. He already knew. But just as much as she was, he too, wasn’t ready to let go.

It was a long, slow painful process. Sitting through it, unable to move, unable to sit and share the pain with her long-time best friend, Eunji sat in a kitchen chair, feeling hopeless and broken than ever before. Her heart had crumbled apart but her head felt light, trying to process the emotions that she felt. Sung Jae was right by her feet, in his arms was the dog still heavy but lifeless as he let out small quiet cries, leaning his head against her. Time had never felt longer in their house. Storms had never felt darker. They didn’t even realise that dusk had come. The storm was heavy and growing stronger by every minute that passed, but they never even realised that. Sung Jae slowly climbed up on his feet, gathered his pet, now no warmth in his lifeless body, and laid him peacefully in the blanket that he always loved. Then they both sat in the kitchen, Sung Jae still in his damp school uniform as the storm took its full form outside. Eunji held his hand, and Sung Jae held hers. For that moment, they found warmth and comfort in the presence of each other.

Power had gone off in their area and it never occurred to them, not until Miyeon called to ask if they were doing alright. Eunji worked in autopilot, responding that they were fine. Afterwards, they returned to the quiet darkness and Eunji finally gathered herself to be the mother and do what she had to do. She had known this day would come, and now there was nothing she could do but be the stronger one and comfort Sung Jae who, in his young life, hadn’t experienced loss as devastatingly as he must have tonight. He needed her. He needed her comfort and warmth and reassurance. He needed her to keep him grounded. So she found enough strength to finally waddle across the kitchen and turn on the lamp that they had for times like this. The kitchen illuminated in a dull yellow light. When she looked out the window, the street was dark, save for the faded, dim lights of the neighbouring houses and headlights of the vehicles that occasionally pulled in.

It was when she returned to the chair beside Sung Jae that he finally awakened his voice. “Dad?” He asked. That was all that he could speak for the past few hours. They were hopeless at that moment. They needed to put Dal to a rest, but they couldn’t. They were cold, scared and confused. Right now, he was all that both of them could think of. The sensible, responsible one of them all; dad.

Eunji called Sung Gyu and stood by the window watching the rain as the ringing tone continued in her ear. Sung Gyu picked up after the seventh ring.

“Ji?” He asked, there was a bit of panic in his tone. It was how he was these days, always on the edge. There were two things that kept him on the edge in his life right now, two things on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Eunji could only imagine how tough things must be for him right now. But he was also what she needed, what they both needed. He was the only one who would be strong and patient enough to do what they had to do.

“Where are you?” She asked him mildly.

“I’m at the hospital, why, is everything alright?”

Eunji glanced at their pet lying wrapped in the blanket and then thought about his father among the covers, thin, frail and lifeless. 

“Yeah, everything is fine” She replied, turning away and making up her mind. “There’s a storm...and no power in the block”

“I heard” A heavy sigh on his end. “Just...just stay with Sung Jae for a while. You can call Miyeon or Jungmyeon if you need anything, right?”

“Yeah” She nodded and placed her hand on her bump. The baby was quiet too, tonight. Almost as if she’d felt it too. 

“Make sure to keep windows and doors locked. I will be back soon”

It was a relief to even hear his voice. It gave her strength and energy to put as many as things she could in order again. After the call, Eunji herself went around the house, checking if the door was locked, the windows were closed, the curtains were pulled in. She used the same energy to put away Dal’s remaining food and his bowls along with the things that they no longer used, all as Sung Jae quietly watched her move around. She asked him if he wanted anything to eat at some point. He merely shook his head, his eyes set on the dog that still wasn’t put to rest. With him lying there like that, Eunji couldn’t find her appetite either. But the storm was too hard for them to do anything. And they needed his dad for that.

Eunji returned to Sung Jae’s side again and put a hand around his shoulder. She rubbed his arm comfortingly, but no amount of affection could heal that pain in his heart, that she knew. 

“Do you want to call uncle Jungmyeon for that?” She asked him. They both knew what she was talking about. He wouldn’t find peace until they’ve put Dal to rest. But Sung Jae shook his head. 

“Dad. I want dad” He quietly replied.

It was the first time in many months that she was hearing him say that. The past few months when their relationship remained strained, Sung Gyu had said to her multiple times that Sung Jae probably didn’t need him anymore. The thought of this possibility broke him just as much as he believed that he had to give him space to grow, that, if Sung Jae decided that’s what it was, then he had to comply to his wishes, allow him to take as much as space as he needed, go on without needing him as much as he used to. But Eunji always believed that it wasn’t the case at all. Sung Jae hardly let on on anything he felt, and she believed that the only reason why their relationship was strained was because of everything that Sung Jae had to go through the past few years; their lack of communication and the fact that Sung Jae had grown up and out of his ten year old self. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t need him anymore.  Sung Jae needed his dad, just like he did as a child, just like he did in moments that he thought he’d lost his ways. Eunji wished Sung Gyu was here to hear him, to know that, no matter what had happened between them, at his lowest point, whom Sung Jae seeked for was him.

“Okay” Eunji whispered, still holding him in her arms. She felt moisture in her eyes, her vision blurry. “We’ll wait for dad”

It was hours later that he finally returned. The storm had subsided to a light drizzle outside, and power had not yet returned even then. Eunji felt an indescribable amount of relief when she finally saw the headlights of his car reflected on the kitchen window like a saving grace. She could finally breathe again. Eunji grabbed an umbrella and went outside, carefully skirting down the gravel path and towards him. He was none too happy that she’d come to him in the rain. But she had to. They had a graver problem to resolve, and together.

“Dal?” He whispered, sounding concerned, and if it wasn’t so dark, she would have witnessed how color left his face.

Eunji nodded sharply as a thick knot formed in . It hadn’t felt real until this point, until she’d finally said it out aloud.

Sung Gyu was quiet as they came to the front door. He took the umbrella from her. “Then we have to…” He started and then trailed away. She knew what he was meaning to say. Bury him. They had to bury Dal and put him in his forever resting place.

Eunji nodded again. Then she felt his warm hand on her back, leading her in. “You go in first, I’ll fetch the...um…”

“Okay” Eunji muttered, knowing what he meant.

Despite what he said, she stayed by the door, watching him as he found his way through solely by the light of his phone, a dark lone figure walking through the storm towards the garage where he fetched the shovel from and returned to her. He carefully kept it by the door in their front porch and looked at her. There was an unreadable expression in his eyes, and she realised what it meant. Sung Gyu, as a father, hadn’t had to deal with loss and pain with Sung Jae before, and right now he needed her just as much as she needed him to thread through these uncharted waters to make sure that their son received the consolation that he needed. 

Back inside, Sung Jae was still where she left him, sitting on the floor with his arms around his knees, staring. Sung Gyu was quiet as he approached him, caressed his head and crouched down to examine Dal who, although hours had passed since his demise, remained peaceful and exactly the same. His fingers trembled as he rubbed his furry head one last time and let out a heavy sigh. It must be difficult for him,   just as much as it was for both of them. Death, loss and grief were things that he hadn’t openly spoken of, knowing that they were what he had impending in his life too and yet he’d never be ready for. He took it a lot better than either Eunji and their son did, perhaps realising that he had to be the stronger one out of them all. 

“He needs to be put to rest” Sung Gyu was the first one to word it out to them, and they both wordlessly agreed.

Rain had considerably ceased by the time they finally stepped outside. Sung Gyu returned with the shovel as Sung Jae carried Dal, still wrapped in his blanket, to the backyard door. Eunji held the umbrella open for both of them, as well as a torch in the dark,  her hold weakened by the pressure of the wind and the umbrella doing very little as they all were soaked by the rain. Sung Gyu cleared out the green and dug the ground, the scent of damp earth and grass in their breath. His hands were muddy, feet sunk into the dirt, and yet he said nothing. Sung Jae was the one to lay his pet and furry friend of five years finally into an eternal rest. Eunji took him under the shade of the umbrellas as they both quietly watched Sung Gyu close the grave again, years of memories gone and buried underneath. Eunji couldn’t cry. She just shouldn’t. She had to keep strong for Sung Jae, for Sung Gyu, as their days weren't going to get any better soon. Dark clouds were still there, still looming grimly above their little, closed world.

Eunji grabbed a bunch of towels and dried Sung Jae’s hair as Sung Gyu washed his arms in the kitchen sink. Power wasn’t back yet and he spoke to Junmyeon over the phone regarding whether they informed the authorities. Eunji handed him a towel and he looked at her, asking without words if she was doing alright. After all, it was her who had had the longest time with Dal. He was her pet, her best friend. She couldn’t say how she felt. Her mind was still processing it. It would take days for the truth to sink in. It was still the shock, the absence of the pain that she was yet to feel.

“Have you two eaten yet?” Sung Gyu asked them after returning from the call, noticing that there was nothing on the stoves, on the table, the kitchen completely clean. Eunji had had lunch with his mother, Sung Jae had stayed through lunch at school. Dinner did never really matter to them. So they said nothing. And that seemed to anger him. 

He took the responsibility of setting things in order again. Grumbling under his breath, Sung Gyu proceeded to move around the kitchen, pulled out pots, vegetables and condiments, located two packs of ramen, put water to boil, took out boxes of Kimchi and tried to prepare dinner for them. Eunji always thought that he made the best ramen. Not that he did anything particularly special when he made it. For some reason, it just tasted better. But tonight, right now, Eunji wasn’t sure she wanted to eat anything at all.

In a matter of minutes, Sung Gyu had placed a coaster on the middle of the table and brought the boiling hot pot of Ramyun, its rich, flavorsome aroma taking over the scent of rain in the air. He placed a bowl of kimchi, then two empty bowls for either of them along with chopsticks and spoons. Eunji looked up at him questioningly and he shook his head. “Already ate with mum” He told her, and she nodded. He didn’t have to go through all this trouble for them. He was weary, he was tired. He deserved a rest. But Sung Gyu, as he always would, took the weight of the moment upon his shoulders and was being the reliance that he would always be.

“Eat, fill up, you can’t go to sleep like that” He told them as he served bowl full portions to either of them. Yet, as she stared at the smoke and the floating vegetables and noodles in the broth, her stomach churned. Across the table, she could see Sung Jae too, contemplatively stared at his food, perhaps wearing a similar expression as her own. Her mind kept thinking, no matter how much she tried to stop herself; how could she eat? When Dal lied cold and wet and hungry out there? How could she?

The entire house was quiet for the longest time. It was quiet until Sung Gyu carried the boxes of Kimchi that he’d taken out and returned them harshly into the fridge, the sound making her jump.

“Are you really not going to eat, the two of you?” he asked them. They remained silent. There was something about his tone that made her feel intimidated, terrified. She understood him. It was difficult for him just as much as it was for her, and he was trying. 

Eunji pursed her lips and reached out for her chopsticks. Still her stomach churned sickeningly.

“Are you going to go to sleep like that? On an empty stomach? Is that going to do any good?” Sung Gyu went on, his words hard as thunder. He returned to them, to the table, and Eunji gripped her chopsticks harder as she looked across the table at her son. She realised he had started crying. 

“Things aren’t going to get better after this, do you know that?” He continued, his words cold, hard as the rolling storm outside. “Things aren’t getting better,  they are never going to. People are born and people die everyday, and that’s just the way of life! It’s never going to change! Would being like this ever change anything? Eat your food and move on for god’s sake, it’s just a dog!” 

His words echoed in the quiet of the house like a cruel, gruesome reminder. The years that Dal has spent in their home, he was never just a dog for any of them. He wasn’t for Eunji, it certainly wasn’t for Sung Jae and Sung Gyu too, who took a long time to adjust to his presence, never really showed that he felt that way. For their little family of three, Dal was a fourth member, he was family too. They took turns caring for him, grew used to the routine of cleaning after him and bathing him and feeding him, his presence in the house as natural and needed as their own. Right at that moment, his words seemed to rattle the glass panels, bounce off the walls. They’d never thought that it was just a dog, not until that point. It was why this pain felt so brutal, so painful, so real.

“Sung Gyu…” Eunji muttered quietly, her voice breaking. It was only then that she finally felt tears staining her cheeks. 

He looked at them, at either of them, horror filled in his eyes. He hadn’t realised what he’d said until that point; his tired, exhausted, heavy heart. He ran both his hands through his hair, his fingers trembling. He muttered something to himself, something inaudible. And when the gravity of what he said finally hit him, Sung Gyu immediately left the room. 

It was Eunji that had to put Sung Jae to bed. She could no longer climb the stairs to his room, so she had to tell him goodnight from the foot of the stairs, and it pained her heart; he needed more. She made sure to hug him and hold him for the longest time and for the first time, he didn’t protest, not once. He had only a little to eat after the night’s incident, after what Sung Gyu had said without thought, perhaps because Sung Jae too understood that his father was going through so much at that time and that he was really trying. He was wordless as he climbed up the stairs to his room. Power returned while they quietly meddled with food a few minutes ago, so getting around the house, she could do with little trouble. She finally came to their room, of which the door was left ajar. Upon entering, she found Sung Gyu seated on their bed with his back to her, his head in his hands as his shoulders shook. Her heart fell right through the floor at that moment. It was the first time, the very first time. He would have otherwise done this in the solitary of his car or in the shower that hid the sounds. He was crying.

Eunji quietly made her way around the bed towards him. Without a word, then, she pulled him into her embrace. Baffled in the beginning, he didn’t make a move. His sobs quietened, his arms hovered around her. So she pulled him closer, held him against her protruding belly and put her arms around his head. “It’s okay” She told him quietly, patting on his back and caressing him all the while. “It’s okay, I’ve got you”

Sung Gyu who had carried himself tough and resilient all this time finally broke apart in her arms that night. His cries were quiet, heartbreaking, wordless, and all she could do at that time was hold him, feeling hopeless than never before. He hadn’t meant to say those gruesome, painful words. He would never mean to. She couldn’t even imagine everything that must be going on in his mind, the worry of losing his father, the fate of his mother afterwards and how she’d take it. On top of it all there was their son who’s demeanour changed like seasons and then there was her, days away from giving birth. He had missed a lot of work and had so much to catch up on, and with her not working for the time being, how were they managing the finances? Losing their pet dog tonight was his final straw, and he lost it, he broke apart. 

It was a while before he finally gathered himself. Eunji sat down beside him and Sung Gyu, appearing quite ashamed by his outburst, sat quietly, holding her hand. 

“I’m sorry” He muttered when he finally found his voice again. “I...I didn’t mean what I said, and I’m sorry”

“I’m okay” She whispered, forgiving him. She would forgive him time and time again. “And I understand”

“But-” Sung Gyu started, his voice shrill and concerned.

Eunji lifted his hand and kissed the back of his palm. He looked over at her. “Is it really hard for you? It must be”

Sung Gyu remained quiet and looked away. But Eunji reached out for him and captured his face in both her hands, prompting him to face her. When he did, she gave him the warmest smile. 

“I’m sorry too, for not understanding you” She said. In the dim light of the room, she could see his eyes fill up. 

“Eunji-ah…”

“I’m sorry if I couldn’t be there for you much, if I couldn’t be there when you needed me…” She continued, caressing his face. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t do much-,”

He took a sharp breath. “Ji, don’t say that” He said, and his voice cracked.

Eunji shook her head, holding his gaze. “You’ve done so much for me, for Sung Jae, and it must have been really tough for you…” She took a deep breath then, and moved closer. He laid his head against her shoulder, his hand on her belly, and she kissed his on his head, hard and long.

“I love you, so much...and I want you to rely on me. We’re in this together, you and I. If you ever feel like it's suffocating you, come to me. Don’t cry in the car again. Don’t cry in the shower again. Just come to me”

Sung Gyu pulled away from her and stared into her eyes, as if he was questioning her how she knew. Eunji shook her head. “Just come to me, Sung Gyu. You don’t have to do this alone again…”

“Eunji…”

“Just come to me” She whispered, pulling him into her arms again. He held her, he buried his face in her shoulder, he caressed her where she held his child and searched for comfort in her arms. Later on, when he kissed her, when his fingers caressed her skin, Eunji felt that reassurance in his touch, in his breath, him seeking warmth in her, him seeking for a promise of solace in her embrace. She held his face, kissed him long and warm, and when he finally pulled away, she reminded him yet again; ‘Just come to me’ 

“Mm, I couldn’t tell you” Eunji said a moment after he pulled away from her. His eyes widened, and he gazed at her, concerned. 

“What is it?”

Eunji laid a hand top of his which still remained on her bump. Her eyes were set somewhere past her shoulders as she recalled that painful moment of her most recent past.

“Dal, he’d been gone for a while before you came...around the time Jae returned from school, I think”

Sung Gyu took a sharp breath, and her grip on his hand tightened. She raised her head and looked up at him.

“Jae really wanted to put Dal to a rest, but we couldn’t do it on our own. I asked if he wanted Junmyeon to do it for him. And you know what he said?”

Sung Gyu gaze and tone was uncertain as he prompted her to continue, uncertain and perhaps hopeful. Eunji gave him the warmest smile that she could. He had to hear this. He deserved to. 

“What...what did he say?”

“He said” She took a deep breath, recalling that moment. “He said ‘I need dad’”

Sung Gyu took a long, shaky breath, closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. It appeared as if he was replaying the words in his mind, trying to recreate that moment, imagine how it would have been. 

“Sung Gyu, more than me, I think the one who’s hurt more from what happened tonight is him” Eunji pushed on, recalling the painful stance in his eyes when she’d sent Sung Jae to bed that night. “He might not let it on more often, but even if years had passed, you’re still the one that he relied on, you’re still his hero...I don’t think he’d grown out of it all that much”

Sung Gyu nodded, nodded and nodded before he pulled away. When he met her gaze, there was moisture in his eyes. 

“Did he go to sleep?”

“He’s in his room” Eunji nodded. “But i don’t think he’s asleep yet”

“Okay” He sighed, took a deep breath and seemed to gather his strength. “I...I want to talk to him”

Eunji took his hand and squeezed it gently as she smiled. “You should”

He slipped out of her embrace and climbed up on his feet before he leaned in and kissed her softly on the crown of her head. “And thank you...Eunji. I wouldn’t...I wouldn’t be myself without you”

Eunji squeezed his hand again and slowly untangled their intervened fingers. This is how things should be, should have been all along. It’s what was missing between them. The comforting words, the communication, becoming the reliance and strength they needed, being there for each other, being a family.

“Neither would I” Eunji told him softly in response.

Author's note

First of all, apologies for taking so long. I hate to give reasons but it was a late update for two reasons;

1) My laptop broke, that means I lost the entire 1016 page document of 'Life is well' and I had thought I lost the bonus chapters too. But as it happened, I had saved the bonus chapters in my drive which I found only recently.

2) I was meaning to write this for a long time. But as you can see, it mentioned the loss of a pet. I lost one of mine a few months back and the pain was so fresh and new and too difficult for me to take that I found it difficult to proceed with this chapter that I ended up pushing it back a multiple times.

I don't know when the next part will be. But I am certain it will be the very last. You probably wouldn't hear from this Sung Gyu and this Eunji and Sung Jae again after that. But there are other Eunji's and Sung Gyu's and possible Sung Jae's coming along in my other work. I hope you would support me in them too.

Stay safe, wash your hands and wear a mask, folks!

Lots of love, 

Achini