This chapter will be in two parts since it's longer than I imagined it will be.

On a warm Wednesday evening, Sung Gyu was having a peaceful power nap in the living room, a half-eaten cream-bun on his chest, a mug of coffee gone lukewarm on the carpet beside him and the television put on full blast as Sung Jae played loudly a round of one of his killing games. When he came home early after a rather tiresome day at work, Sung Gyu was exhausted, barely awake; so much so that the first thing he did was having a cold shower and fetching something to eat. (He’d looked through the fridge with narrowed, droopy eyes and Eunji, being the caring, considerate caretaker that she was, had immediately offered to make him a coffee and placed a cream bun in his searching hand) he didn’t remember what happened after he sprawled down in the sofa; yet he had a vague, distant memory of Eunji tip-toeing towards him and placing the mug on the coffee table. He’d had a sip, still half asleep, and by the time Eunji left from work, he was peacefully snoring away.

With the summer getting closer, the weather only became more and more unbearable. And to top it off, he’d been on the run the entire day, teamed up with Sung Yeol to chase a couple of insurance fraudsters; and while they couldn’t get even the half of the work done, Sung Gyu had to have his ears filled with Sung Yeol’s endless ranting and commentary on his driving skills. By the time he got back to the office, the team leader Howon had already left on a half-day leave, which inspired him to do the same. Sung Gyu’s had enough of working. He’s had enough of dispensing so much of energy and time to get only a salary in return. More times than once, he had considered the benefits of becoming a stay-at-home parent, but then he’d realize he was the only parent in the household. (Eunji’s constant presence had made him momentarily forget that) He’d thus return to self-loathing and work every time.

That evening, even though she had a date (with Bloody Howon and his stupid eyebrows) Eunji had been kind enough to prepare dinner for the both of them before she left. He was thankful, although there was only so many things he could say and do to pay his gratitude. Sung Gyu had served her with a smile, even if he wanted to do so much more. It was almost as if she’s a blessing in disguise in his busy, loathsome, solitary life. She added a tinge of brightness and contentment to it. When she was there, with him, in their home, he was undeniably, incontestably happy. Nothing could ever change that; not even the fact that he was still secretly going out with Im Yoora.

Things with Yoora been going slow since the birthday incident where he had left hastily without a word right after a passionate kiss. He had nothing to say in his defense; Sung Gyu did leave her behind for Eunji and frankly he hadn’t any regrets about that. But still there was a slightest tinge of guilt for having left her hanging. All was resolved as she was convinced it was some emergency to do with Sung Jae, and she let it go at that. Nonetheless, that evening, Sung Gyu had rather bluntly rejected her. He hadn’t asked for time to think or a moment to consider her. He hadn’t thought twice before he spoke of his insecurities, and he didn’t think he did wrong at that time either. Yoora hadn’t a reason to be offended by his response. She made him the person he was now. She made him worry, every second of the day, about being left behind. It was her fault and as it happened, in the days of slow and quiet progression of their relationship, she seemed to be reflecting on that, and it was okay. At least it was the beginning of something good. Sung Gyu knew he hadn’t much choice, even if his heart truly belonged to another. The only way it made sense was their small family coming together, and, though he absolutely hated it (what’s so good about him anyway?) he had to push Eunji out of his mind and onto Lee Howon’s side.

But that wasn’t what he was thinking about when he napped peacefully that evening. Frankly he wasn’t thinking about anything. He was having a rather nice dream of him driving a super nice vehicle, a car chase, to be exact, with guns and snipers and everything, when a distorted sound slowly seeped deep into his mind. He couldn’t recognize it at first. But after a moment he realized it was the voice of his own son, softly calling his name as he held his phone in his hand.

“Appa? Appa, you’re getting a call. Appa wake up”

“H-huh?” He fluttered his eyes open and was startled by the shine of the phone display being directed right into his face. He took quite a moment to compose himself, stretching his long limbs, grunting and rubbing his sleepy eyes. The rude caller, whoever they were, were still persistently hanging onto the line. Sung Gyu picked up at about the hundredth ring without so much as looking at the caller ID.

A shuffling sound came from the other end, and in a distant he could hear a dog bark. Deeming it was another one of mistaken calls or a prank, Sung Gyu just about disconnected the line when suddenly the voice of an old woman scalded his ear through the phone.

“HELLO! HELLO!”

Sung Gyu would have thrown the phone right across the room, but Sung Jae had heard the voice of the old lady on the other end and was duly interested in the exchange. Sung Gyu had to set a good example in treating the elderly with utter politeness and gratitude so he kept the phone a few centimeters away from his ear and asked; “This is Kim Sung Gyu, can I help you?”

“AH! SUNG GYU-GOON!”

Sung Gyu winced at the tone and held the phone even further from him. On the other side of the sofa Sung Jae had doubled over in laughter. “Yeah?” Sung Gyu responded.

“IT’S ME! GRANDMA!”

It took him a moment to recognize the voice (honestly, didn’t all elderly citizens sound pretty much the same) and also remember that he did, indeed, have a grandma, living far and deep in the suburbs of his hometown. What he couldn’t recall was if she ever had a phone with her, let alone the knowledge to use modern-day technology. “Ugh, grandma…I do hear you” He informed her.

A crackle came from the other end, and she answered, milder than before; “But I don’t”

He couldn’t have expected any less from a ninety something year old woman. She could have reached her hundreds during his time of forgetfulness and ignorance for all he cared. Mind you, Sung Gyu had nothing against his grandmother. Despite the odds (there were quite so many) the old lady was actually…nice. The only thing was that there wasn’t any mode of communication between them. Sung Gyu was sure she didn’t use a phone before, and it wasn’t like she could read emails. He could have written her a letter or something, but he didn’t think her old granny-eyes could read like they used to. The right thing he could have done was visiting her. Jeonju wasn’t at all that far. But the truth of the matter was that…well, maybe Sung Gyu did have a tiny, measly little thing against her. He was scared of her. And he hated the fact that he always had to engage in heavy labor during every single visit. The last time he did visit her was when Sung Jae was only a baby and on that particular occasion, he ended up getting making a racket with a couple of stupid hogs.

“Okay” Sung Gyu spoke a little louder and Sung Jae scooted over to him, so he put the phone on loud speaker and laid it on a cushion between them. “So, grandma, how did you get a phone?”

“You ungrateful brat that’s the first thing you ask!” She exploded suddenly, and Sung Jae had to stifle a giggle from erupting. “Your sister Jieun came to see me. In fact, she visited me so many times and also bought me an iPhone”

“iPhone?” Sung Gyu reiterated, perplexed. He was pretty sure Jieun didn’t earn even as half as what he did and that surely couldn’t afford such an expensive model for a grandma who couldn’t even use it.

“Yeah isn’t that what you kids always poke at? This square thing? Back in our days we didn’t poke on these things day and night. We reap and harvest, we do productive things! This kid, Yong Hwa over at the Jung’s is always poking at that thing. Now he’s started to poke at mine! I didn’t want it of course. It’s Jieun who bought it for me”

By the time grandma finished her usual ranting, both Sung Gyu and Sung Jae were on the floor, laughing. They weren’t laughing at her, of course. Sung Gyu was a kind, respectful gentleman who treated older citizens with empathy and understanding. But his grandma and her culture shock was on a whole new level. For someone who didn’t even know what the point of a phone is, her knowing the expensive brand was beyond him.

“Okay, okay” Sung Gyu finally responded through his quiet wheezing. “Grandma, it’s late; why are you calling me suddenly?”

“To tell you that I’m dying, of course”

Sung Gyu’s smile froze on his face, and it slowly morphed into a frown. He knew that his grandma was pretty old, and that it was something which was bound to happen any day. But what he never expected was the first ever phone-call he’d ever get from his weary old grandma was to inform that she was dying.

And he hadn’t even visited her for years. She could be loud and mingling about, at least over the phone. But what if she was already on a wheel chair? Or bound to a cold and gloomy bed in a low funded Jeonju hospital room? He hated it when that happened; when he’d lived his life thinking all the old people in his life were doing happy and well while, unbeknownst to him, they were suffering in schizophrenia or chronic hemorrhoids.

“D-dying?” He stammered, and even Sung Jae looked legitimately startled.

“Yes! What else do you think happen to old women like me Sung gyu-goon!?”

“Uh…” He hesitated, looked down at his son who looked equally confused and cleared his throat. “Grandma…I’m sure you’re not going to die. Are you sick or something? We can get it fixed”

“Fixed? WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK I AM?”

Sung gyu grimaced, dragging a weary hand down his face and let out a sigh. “Grandma, what I mean is, we can go to a hospital…unless of course, if you’re already in one”

“I’m at home” the grandma sincerely replied.

“Okay” Sung Gyu said, feeling utterly confused. “Well, what makes you think that you’re dying?”

“I don’t know! Mi-Ran from two blocks away suddenly fell dead last week, and poor Gok Soo, he drowned trying to hunt barnacles! He was only eighty!” She went on as if all of it were terrible, heart-wrenching tales. The truth was that Sung Gyu was actually wondering why an eighty-year-old person would actually go barnacle hunting. He didn’t ask her that of course; unless he wished for another ear-filling lecture. “And just yesterday I fell too!” She ended the account with a flourish.

“Where did you fall from?” Sung Gyu asked her. He hadn’t met her in ages, but as far as he remembered, she had the strength of ten average wrestlers. After his grandfather died, she alone took after the acres and acres of cultivation all on her own, and that included, as she said, tending and harvesting every season which passed. She could uproot about a bunch of ten large radishes with one pull, all at once (or so she said, but Sung Gyu’s pretty sure she was just bluffing) and in the summer when all her friends gathered to fish in a nearby river, she joined them too and together they would catch a large-enough supply to feed the entire town. Everything about her made him feel terrible as a man. Upon his visits to his hometown, Sung Gyu had grown to understand that he couldn’t so much as chop wood or even seed the cultivation without a crack in his back and a single complaint. She and her inhuman strengths intimidated him, so much so that he had avoided meeting her at all costs. So now that she was telling him that she fell, the first thing he wondered was if the ground shook at the collision.

“From the…” She started, grunted something non-sensible and added “Forget it” dismissively. “Anyway, I need to be taken to a hospital. Nobody took me to a hospital! Don’t anyone understand how painful it is for a woman my age to fall?”

Sung gyu frowned as he tried to recall whom she referred to as nobody. He was pretty sure she contacted his mother the first thing as soon as she fell…wherever and however she did. She also might have broken a havoc and made the entire situation look ten times worse than it actually was. At least, he remembered her to be so but times have changed and now she was eighty (or more) and she probably did mean it when she said she needed to be taken to a hospital.

Why nobody did was still beyond him.

“Aren’t the others around?” Sung Gyu asked, trying to remember everyone that he himself referred to as the others. “And I’m sure ambulances would cooperate if it was an emergency”

“As if!” She yelled into the phone so loudly that he was almost thrown back into the sofa. “Everyone wants me when there’s a good harvest! And don’t even talk about this…this hospital people. Bloody useless! Sung gyu-goonie. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to die in a pit like your poor grandfather did”

His grandfather didn’t die in a pit for all he knew. He died in a tunnel, and that’s because he got a cardiac arrest as the bus drove down the expressway. No matter how much everyone tried to explain her that, it wasn’t her who understood, and eventually, everyone stopped trying.

Sung Gyu sighed heavily, rubbed his brows and laid back in the sofa. Sung Jae had long abandoned his interest on the telephone conversation and had now gone off to play his game from where he left off. And frankly neither did Sung Gyu want to drag this conversation any longer. He was tired. His head was ringing. He could almost hear her voice echoing deep in his ears.

“Look, grandma. I will talk to mum, okay? She’d…she’d probably come around to see you, and if that’s the case…” he sighed. “I’d come around and drop her off”

“Why would you bother your poor old mother when you can come, Sung gyu-goon!” his grandmother argued in return. “She’s given you perfectly working limbs and a head not to sit on your bum and do nothing! Come see your dying old grandmother!”

“Grandma…” He groaned, dragging his hand down his face. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to visit her. Sung Gyu had work, and a life. Besides, he’s sure he had plenty of cousins who still lived there in Jeonju. Why did it have to be him?

His grandmother, however, had exactly the answers for that question he never asked her. “Haven’t you learned anything about responsibility?”

She was right there, as she was about lots of things. Sung Gyu had to give it to her; she sure did win this round and he was already certain, he had no way around this. He’d been avoiding it for way too long, but the moment his grandmother called him for the sole purpose of luring him towards her, he should have known.

“Okay” He yielded in a small voice, shutting his eyes tight and trying not to think about the consequences of an impulsive decision. “Okay, grandma. I’ll…I’ll be there this weekend”

“You better hope I wouldn’t be dead by then” Was all she said before the line went completely dead, leaving Sung Gyu behind with the loudness of his own thoughts and regrets.

“Appa, are we going to see great grandma?” Sung Jae asked from where he sat on the carpet.

“I guess we have to” Sung Gyu said in response.

And that was how he decided to take his whole weekend off to pack up on a miles long road-trip back home.

*

The number of dates that she’s been on with Howon had now mildly surpassed all the dates she had had for her entire lifetime. For some reason; each and every one of them she’d found to be surprisingly endearing. In fact, she found herself looking forward to the next.

Ever since the incident from Sung Gyu’s birthday, Eunji came to realize something. And that was that, no matter how much you would give, how many times you would try, in some people’s lives you would never become any more important than the one they truly loved. Sung Gyu may have treated her in a manner that anyone as herself would easily misunderstand as something deeper, but what she never really considered was that he probably had more reason than one when he insisted he never let Sung Jae and Yoora meet. And that was that it would awaken a dream which had huddled up in a corner of his heart for so long, ready to be resurfaced when it was time. A dream that had lived longer than she had ever been in his life. Which naturally left her on the back burner, and would she persevere any longer, it was her who would be hurting in the end.

Sometimes, just sometimes, people had to give up and wait for better things to come.

Eunji had thought it was exactly what she was doing. Howon was a better thing. He was consistent, committed. He was there; both in mind and heart. He didn’t waiver. He didn’t belong anywhere else. There’s nobody she had to go against just so she could be a part of his life, and it was far more pacifying than to go hands and teeth against another woman for the sake of her love. People changed, hearts changed, they all moved on. What Eunji could do, at that moment was hope that for her, it would be the same.

And Howon was an incredible person. She loved his persistence. She loved how he’d give all of himself regardless of what it was as long as it remained important to him. She loved the fact that she was one of them. It felt great to be important to someone. Something, Eunji realized with a pang; something that she hadn’t been or probably never will be in Kim Sung Gyu’s life.

That evening, the two of them tried to be a little adventurous and they drove far out of the town. It was Eunji’s idea. She remembered reading it in a book somewhere. “Let’s get lost” She’d told him the moment she climbed into his car. Howon couldn’t understand at first, and she had to forget the bit about being cliché and spontaneous and explain everything to him. In the end, they drove further and further out of the city, no destination in mind. Where they ended up coming to was a long expanse of a grassland, and she resisted the urge to locate it on GPS.

That night in the early summer was unexpectedly cold. Perhaps it was the breeze coming from the grasslands, sweeping away the dew on the tall leaves. Perhaps it was just what the night was about. She couldn’t really tell. Howon parked the car on the edge of the slope, the slope which led down to a slow, shimmering body of tranquil water; a pond she’s never seen or heard of. She realized what the origin of the chilling atmosphere really was. Howon climbed onto the hood of his car, which was still quite warm despite how long it’s been parked for. He looked down at her, smiled as the moon above glimmered softly in his eyes. With one gesture of his hand, he beckoned her towards him and she too, followed, climbed onto the still-warm hood and perched down next to him. The cold wasn’t so cold anymore. They sat in the silence; their thoughts louder than the sound of their breaths. And for the first time, Eunji felt it. Her mind was at peace. It never really occurred to her; but maybe, maybe, that’s exactly what she soughed after for such a long time.

When a particularly cold wind rushed past them, Eunji recoiled into what little she wore, unconsciously huddling herself against him. Howon laughed, his shoulder shaking softly, his voice reverberating through him. “Are you cold?” he asked. Eunji found herself nodding in response. And then, without warning, his arm securely moved around her. Tentative at first, he slowly but certainly held her close. His warmth engulfed her; though entirely different from that gentle warmth she had grown accustomed to, it was soothing all the same. Eunji closed her eyes and sighed. She basked in that exquisite sense of belongingness. What it felt like to truly, completely belong to someone, to need no reason or consent to become a part of their life. For once, she felt it all.

It didn’t take long before his hand eased into hers. When she had first wondered about that moment, that time when a man she was with would take her hand in his own, she had thought it would come off as a sheer surprise to her. Yeosob held her hand. Long Before that, Moon Soo did too. But not once had she felt that warmth colliding with hers. An enigmatic exchange. The sparkles some would say. Although that wasn’t exactly what she felt when Howon’s fingers gently threaded through hers, the feeling was reassuring. It was as if the gesture itself was a quiet everlasting promise. Eunji didn’t hold herself back, not once, as she returned a small squeeze of hands of her own. Neither did she hesitate to let her head fall back against his shoulder. They basked in the cold, tranquility of the night, all on their own.

“Have you ever thought about this?” Howon finally awakened his voice. A small whisper in the breeze.

“Hm?”

“Have you ever thought about this? Of how far this will go, of whom we will become, have you?”

“Mm” Eunji tilted her head thoughtfully, and her hair brushed against his cheeks. “Not necessarily” She truthfully replied.

“Why am I not surprised?” Howon chuckled; but she could see how his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes; as if everything they’ve said, done and been were nothing but a blatant lie. Eunji felt her heart constrict. Was it truly what it all had been?

She took a sharp breath and pulled away. “Howon-Ssi…”

“Ssh, now” Howon shook his head and tugged her back towards him. “It’s okay, we’ve got time…”

Eunji let out a long sigh. “You know that’s not what I mean…”

“You don’t have to mean anything for me to understand, Eunji”

And that was the truth. She could lie to herself all that she possibly allowed herself to. She could pretend that everything was fine. She could hope that change was possible and in days to come, she would no longer be the person that she was, now. But who was she trying to fool? Although she’d try by every means to imagine that she loved this warmth a lot more than the one she fell for, that she’d love this voice, this touch, this smile a lot more than the ones which were forever embedded in her mind like a tapestry. She could build this entirely new world in her mind on her own, paint stars and rainbows with all the vibrant colors she loved, but the backdrop will always remain the same. Hearts did not change so easily. And it was a truth she was bound to accept no matter she believed it or not.

“I’m sorry” She whispered in the end.

“It’s not your fault Eunji” He whispered in return. “I would never blame you”

She remained quiet, letting his words sink deep into her mind.

“It’s only that I just wasn’t quick enough. That I never saw this coming when I first met you. If only I…” He let out a long, heart-breaking breath, one he seemed to have held back for so long. “In that sense, I think Hyung already won”

“He didn’t” Eunji muttered, closed her eyes, and in that darkness, she could picture him, lost and confused, standing bare feet on the cold sand as the waves rolled about, eyes searching even as she stood there right before her. It wasn’t her that he was searching for. It wasn’t her that he had found. “He never did”

“Then that…” Howon shifted only so that he was able to see right into her eyes. “That means I might still stand a chance…”

“Maybe…?” Eunji smiled, albeit sadly, and leaned back into his shoulder. “Maybe…yeah, you might”

“I won’t disappoint you” Howon whispered in return, took her hand yet again and held onto her; then and with the promise of forever.

*

“Leave early on Friday?” Howon exclaimed as his widened eyes fell onto the request letter in his hand, which he held as if the sheer weight of it physically scalded his hand. “Hyung. You’ve already had way too many half-day leaves for this month. Am I supposed to approve?”

Howon’s been getting on his nerves. It’s not like he didn’t get on his nerves before, but now it appeared to be excessive, as if he lived for the sole purpose of climbing up his nerves and Sung Gyu hated it. They had only so many early leaves for a month, and unlike him, Sung Gyu had used up just a few. Besides he could swear he worked as twice as harder than Howon ever did. He might be the team leader. But Sung Gyu was older. He had more responsibilities. While all Howon had to do was sitting and barking orders, ing case after case on his subordinates and mingle about with his little girlfriend wherever he mingled about. Sung Gyu had a child to feed, a family to take care of. Howon seemed to continuously behave as if it never really mattered.

Or he was deliberately trying to be a complete .

“Come on, Howon. It’s just a couple of hours early. I have something urgent to attend to and I got to get back before Monday since my son has to go to school” Sung Gyu tried to explain. He hated explaining things to people. He had no reason to defend himself at every occasion where it seemed necessary. It’s the people who needed to understand that tackling single parenthood, family, a job and life in general was not as easy as it appeared to be.

“You’re going to say that next week too, and then the next. We’re doing a job here, hyung. Besides, you’re dealing with a case”

“How would you know-, I mean, how would you know anything?” Sung Gyu returned, his voice raising with every word. “Have you any idea how life is like for some people?”

“I don’t know if I’m to answer that” Howon said half-heartedly as he returned the letter to him. “Maybe you should talk to HR”

Sung Gyu retrieved the letter from him, slowly, tentatively, his eyes carefully assessing every gesture and expression as if it meant so much more than they seemed to. “Why does it appear to me that you have something personal against me, Howon-Ssi?” He asked him in the end.

To say that he looked genuinely startled was an understatement. Being able to read a man’s face, regardless of how much they tried to hide their emotions came to investigators as a privilege. Not only in work environments but as a part of his life. Sung Gyu smirked as he took a step away from the other, and headed to the door.

“I have nothing personal against you, hyung” Howon called after him.

“Sure, suit yourself” Sung Gyu replied as he fled out the door.

In the end, though, Sung Gyu did manage to get his leave for Friday approved. He had half hoped he wouldn’t get it (not without trying) so that he would have an excuse at the ready. But that afternoon, while he was in the car with Woohyun, his mother had called him, asking if he really was planning to visit his aged grandmother. His grandmother was his father’s mother. And telling them no would have fundamentally broken his heart before everything. He just couldn’t bring himself to make an excuse that he had yielded without second thoughts.

That evening Eunji happened to call and inform him that she was to leave early for yet another date. Sung Gyu hated how frequent these dates of hers were beginning to get. It was as if they all lived for the purpose of continuously winding him up. It was ten times more distressing when he had to hum and say he’d be fine, trying to appear it didn’t affect him a least bit. The truth was, it affected him a lot more than he had imagined it ever would. More often than not Sung Gyu had found himself wondering the benefits of telling her the truth for once and for all, only so that this torture would end.

What he truly did instead, however, was retaliating with dates of his own. He’d say that it was a rather cowardly way of getting back at someone who never really deserved it. Or perhaps, he was compensating for his own.

The worst bit about Eunji having dates was having to cancel his own dates. He was supposed to meet with Yoora that night. He had thought earlier that Eunji hadn’t any appointments since she never mentioned any earlier that morning. Perhaps because their bickering and morning quarrels continued without cease, it never occurred to her that she had to inform of her possible absence in the evening. Sung Gyu wouldn’t blame her, of course. He’d rather cancel a date of his own than getting his good mood ruined so early in the day.

Yoora was heartbroken, as expected. She slammed the phone down without telling him good bye, and he could only sigh in return. Perhaps this trip to Jeonju would do some good for him. Some time away from the two women who were gradually messing up his life, sure would help him put his mind at peace. He would spend the weekend with his grandma and older cousins, harvesting and making kimchi or whatever. It would be ten thousand times better than cancelling dates and getting phones slammed on him.

When he returned home, Eunji was already in the kitchen, pulling on her cardigan as she delivered instructions to Sung Jae as to how to warm the curry. Sung Gyu stood back in the doorway and listened to her, just the voice of hers, just knowing it that she existed; a beautiful, exquisite creature as herself, was enough to put his mind at peace. He couldn’t believe how he fell in love with even the way she recited how one brought a pot of chicken curry to a boil.

“Oh! Boss you’re here, good” Eunji’s voice was suddenly addressing him. He hadn’t even noticed that she had come to the hallway. He sure hoped the goofy smile on his lips never showed. (The goofy smile he assumed was there) “So um, I told Sung Jae-,”

“The chicken Curry? No problem, Eunji, we’d be fine”

Eunji shifted on her feet uncomfortably, tugged a few strands of hair behind her ear a few times, avoiding his eyes. “Well, um, I’d be-,”

It took a moment for him to realize that he was quite possibly standing in her way. “Oh yeah…um” he swiftly moved away. “Uh, thank you for coming by, Eunji. I truly appreciate it”

“Yeah…okay…I’ll be going then” She responded, bowing awkwardly and continuously avoiding his eyes. It might possibly be that he had flustered her with his creepy gaze. Sung Gyu cleared his throat, forcing himself to get his together. “Yeah. Goodbye, Eunji”

“Bye” She returned in a whisper and fled out the door, leaving him earning for a moment little longer with her.

But it was never a moment longer with her that he got. With her leaving on dates almost every evening, Sung gyu always had to set his exhaustion aside and busy himself with the rest of the chores. She didn’t leave much to be done, and Sung Jae was a grown child that he could take care of most of things on his own. What truly irked him the most was not the fact that he had more than enough things to get done. It was that Howon kept giving him the insinuation that he’d have Eunji all for himself.

To be perfectly honest himself, he did believe that it was only the right thing to do. But that didn’t mean he could quite possibly put an end to his ceaseless jealousy. He also understood that even trying to have her for himself was blatantly selfish and cowardly. It was so unlike him. Sung Gyu always took pride in his rational understating and considerateness. But the truth was, as it happened, trying to put walls around his heart and also be conscious and thoughtful wasn’t something anyone could do at the same time.

Later in the evening, Sung Gyu was still in his work attire, his jacket taken off, sleeves rolled up and tie crooked to a side, face red with the steam of a shimmering pot of curry. He had to reheat the rice and place side dishes in plates as well as put together a decent omelet for Sung Jae all on his own. It wasn’t helping that he also had to look into Sung Jae’s homework, the bit that he hadn’t been able to complete with Eunji and also answer calls the same time. It was as if he had returned to that time when he hadn’t any domestic support at all, that time when work, life and child rearing was all one jumbled mess. He could say that things were fairly equivalent to that time in the past. The only variable which made things different was that, this time around, Sung Gyu had trouble in his love life as well.

By the time he had dinner prepared and everything under control, all he wanted to do was skip dinner all together, fall into his bed and possibly drift into his death. He didn’t think he could handle so many things all at once anymore. It took so much of his patience from snapping at every little thing. Sung Jae seemed tired himself, if his quietness said anything; and the last thing he wanted was to scare him away. The two of them had their dinner in utter silence, and the sound of their cutlery and their mouths working were pretty much all that could be heard inside. Sung Gyu would ask his son the mandatory questions at the odd moments. ‘How was school? Is there anything important I should know? Are the teachers treating you well?’ He resisted the urge to ask after Eunji, mostly for the reason that Sung Jae continued to answer in monosyllables, giving him the impression that he wasn’t up to much of conversation. After dinner was done, when Sung Gyu stood up to gather the dishes, Sung Jae offered to do it himself. “Why?” Sung Gyu asked him softly, noting that the child was pretty much drooping himself. Sung Jae shook his head as he carried a handful of empty dishes towards the sink. “You’re tired, Appa” he told him.

Sung gyu couldn’t help the smile appearing on his lips. He supposed, the only reason why he persevered no matter how difficult his life continued to get was him, Sung Jae, the most precious, the most important person in his life who made all the impossibilities possible. Who added color, consecutively to his darkening days. Sung Gyu didn’t think, at this rate, he would have survived a single day without him.

“Leave them there, sweetheart, appa will wash them up later” Sung gyu told him as he wiped the table with a ragged, old kitchen towel. Sung Jae didn’t say anything as he turned up the tap and proceeded to pull on a pair of dish washing gloves. Sung Gyu sighed, left the ragged cloth aside and took hold of the gloves himself. They somehow ended up doing the dishes together in silence; Sung Gyu soaping and washing them as Sung Jae dried them away. After a prolonged moment of utter quietness, Sung Gyu broke the silence by informing his son about their forthcoming road trip.

“We will be leaving on Friday night, so we can get there by morning, and also get back before late because you have school on Monday” Sung Gyu explained as he soaped a couple of china bowls. “It would take more than three hours to get there, but we are not driving straight ahead, right? Besides great grandma’s place is in the suburbs, that’s quite a drive away. So, we might take longer”

Sung Jae responded with a hum and a nod before he carefully placed the dried cutlery in the dish rack.

“It’s better if you complete your homework after school too, Sung Jae. Because if we have to take grandma to a hospital or something, we’d get late”

Sung Jae was quiet still, so he assumed he might be too tired for the conversation. With the decision to have the discussion the next day, Sung Gyu silently continued the rest of the washing, Sung Jae following with the wiping. Once they were done, he led his son to his bedroom, tucked him in bed and kissed him soft and long on his fuzzy tuft of dark hair. “Good night, Sung Jae”

“Good night, appa” Sung Jae said in return. But once he got to the door to dim the light, he called him. “Appa”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu walked back into the room and sat on the bed beside him.

“Appa, are we going to Jeonju alone?”

“What do you mean alone?” Sung gyu raised his brows. “We’ve got the two of us”

“But…” Sung Jae started in a small voice and distractedly played with his quilt. “Appa will be working most of the time, right? Helping great grandma and everything?”

“Hm, yeah” he nodded. “But I’m sure your cousins will be there too”

“Cousins?”

“Yup. My cousins’ children are your cousins”

“But I don’t know them appa”

Sung gyu went quiet at that. He was right. Sung Jae wouldn’t know any of his cousins, especially given that the last time he did visit his great grandmother, Sung Jae was only a baby. The truth was that Sung Gyu didn’t know himself anything about his cousins since it’s been ages since he last kept in touch with them. But there was no other way around it. The two of them were going by themselves, otherwise Sung Gyu would never achieve the peace in his mind he strived after.

He smiled softly as he Sung Jae’s hair. “Well, then you’d have to make friends with them”

Sung Jae pouted in response, contemplating this for a quiet moment. After a while he asked him; “Appa, can’t we take baby sitter with us?”

“Baby sitter?”

The truth was, he had initially considered this himself. Sung Gyu didn’t think he could take care of Sung Jae and possibly his grandmother as well all on his own. Earlier that day when his mother called, he had asked her if it was possible for her and his father to accompany them, but as luck may have it, Sung Gyu’s sister was going to japan for a few days, leaving her children with them. It was her who first suggested that he took Eunji with him. But of course, she didn’t know of Sung Gyu’s current predicament. In her mind, he was still in love with Yoora and thus it didn’t cause much of a problem. But Sung Gyu didn’t want either of them accompanying him. For once, he didn’t want to be holding back and taking care of his frail heart as well. He wanted a break, from everything. And that, as it happened, included both Eunji and Yoora as well.

“Sung Jae, I’m sure she’s busy herself” Sung Gyu explained with a sigh. “Besides, we’re going to see great grandma, it’s our family, so she’d be uncomfortable with a bunch of people she doesn’t know”

Sung Jae pouted even further, huffing his cheeks and his cuteness almost convinced him to give in. “Baby sitter and I will have each other” he replied.

At that, Sung Gyu’s heart picked up in a way that he couldn’t possibly explain. It was given that he always had a soft spot for Sung Jae and Eunji’s interactions, at how Sung jae always saw her as a motherly figure, at how Eunji, in return, gave him exactly the kind of affection that he demanded. They made a good pair, an adorable team, but just how much Sung Gyu wished he was a part of that team was tremendous and also wrong in so many levels. At some point, he too has begun to see her as a motherly figure for Sung Jae and something more for himself. Something he figured, was not as platonic as he had supposed it truly was. It wasn’t a lie to say that he too, somehow had thought the same, that Eunji and he had each other just in the same way Sung Jae did.

But still, if he was to get things straight, somethings just had to be done differently.

“Well” Sung Gyu drawled thoughtfully and fixed Sung Jae’s hair, Pushing the wavy bangs out of his eyes. “We’ll see, okay? We still have plenty of time, right?”

“Hm, yeah” Sung Jae sleepily agreed, and that put an end to the conversation. Sung Gyu leaned in and kissed him again, sat back and let out a sigh. If he hadn’t realized it before, parenthood had slowly become more and more complex. It seemed to him now that things were a lot easier when he was still a baby. Back then Sung Gyu didn’t have to take his feelings into consideration. Sung Jae only went with the flow. Whatever Sung Gyu did, whatever the decision he made, they were right in his eyes. But now, slowly going into the world, he now had the privilege to have his own opinion, and that raised Sung Gyu’s responsibility as a parent a tenfold. Responsibility. At the end of everything, responsibility was what things always came down to.

Sung Gyu decided to finish rest of the chores before having a shower and hitting bed. Even though Eunji had covered most of it, she had forgotten a few things then and there. He ironed and pressed Sung Jae’s uniform, packed his bag and returned to the kitchen where he found the rest of his homework from before still abandoned on the dinner table, half complete. He let out a sigh as he looked through the pages and noting the amount that needed to be done. He couldn’t possibly let him have a bad day at school tomorrow. Before he proceeded to clean the rest of the kitchen, he did what’s left of his school work. He had only gotten it done and was packing them in when his phone rang. By then it was way past ten in the night. There wasn’t anyone who would be calling him at that time of the day, unless it was an emergency at work.

As it happened, however, there were certain people who called at that time of the day, regardless.

“Yoora” Sung Gyu addressed as soon as he picked up.

“Oh, you’re still up. I didn’t think you would be…” she replied, her voice so soft that it somewhat calmed his mind.

“Why? Is there anything-,”

“I’m sorry…” She interrupted him, and Sung Gyu halted as she continued. “I’m sorry about…before honestly. I guess I was being a bit insensitive there”

Sung gyu sighed, closed his eyes and leaned against a kitchen counter. “It’s-it’s okay, Yoora. I wasn’t going to cancel before…the baby sitter left early and I couldn’t possibly leave Sung Jae on his own”

“Yeah, I understand” Silence. “Um, Sung gyu Oppa?”

“Yeah?” Sung Gyu perked up at the way she addressed him.

“Well, the truth is, I’m just coming up to your place”

He straightened in surprise. “What? Now?”

“Yeah…I was, well, I felt terrible. I thought I could see you”

“Oh, Yoora you didn’t have to” Sung Gyu said blankly.

“I’m in the lift. Will be there in a second”

“O-okay…” Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh. If it was on another day, he would be more than glad to have her company. But tonight, of all the nights, he didn’t feel like he’d welcome anyone inside. But on the other hand, he hadn’t much of a choice either. “I’ll fix you some coffee” he said.

Sung Gyu was only putting the kettle to boil when the front bell rang. He wiped his hands on his jeans and hurriedly fixed his hair a bit, trying to a look as presentable as possible despite his exhausted self. When he opened the door, she stood there, beautiful as ever, a kind smile on her lips. Sung Gyu’s heart skipped a bit when she smiled, at how she could always take him back in time with something as little as that. “Hi” she said.

“Hey” Sung Gyu opened the door even further, allowing her into the dimly-lit hallway. “Come on in”

The two of them settled back into the kitchen where Sung Gyu got flustered upon the realization that, as a couple, it was the first time they were in his house, together, on their own. He immediately got to the counter and distracted himself with the instant coffee and mugs although he was awfully conscious of her quietly looking around the kitchen.

“It’s very neat here” She commented, and by the corner of his eyes he could see her inspecting the swear jar. “I’m surprised actually”

“The baby sitter, she keeps it tidy” Sung Gyu replied as he poured the content of the packets into the mugs respectively.

“Eunji, right?”

He felt a tinge of discomfort settle inside him at the mention of her, worried if the very expression he wore at every thought of her would give his precious secret away. He only replied with a meekly ‘Yeah’ and didn’t say anything else as he busied himself preparing the coffee. The two were silent for a while, Yoora still quietly looking around. After a while, Sung Gyu found himself leaning against the kitchen cabinet, a fine distance away from Yoora who sat in a chair looking so much like she had come to him for the sole purpose of relieving his exhaustion. It took so much of patience to not stare at her for longer than he necessarily should. He supposed fatigue did that to everyone.

“Like I said” Yoora started, putting an end to the prolonged silence between them. “I feel terrible. I was just being…I don’t know” She let out a sigh. “I had a bad day”

“That makes the two of us” Sung Gyu glanced at her over the rim of his mug. Yoora stared at him for a while, a gesture which made him feel uneasy. She set the mug aside then, and with her eyes now fixed on her hand, she ran her fingers delicately along the rim. “To be honest, I was looking forward to see you. I thought it would fix a lot of things”

Sung Gyu went quiet at that, at a loss with how he should respond. Sung Gyu knew that he should feel thankful, that it was exactly the kind of things he wanted to hear from her. Although he did feel somewhat appreciated and content that she was there with him, it couldn’t quite add up to what he felt at that moment when he heard Eunji’s voice in the kitchen when he came home that evening.

“I guess I was just being selfishly sensitive…” Yoora met his eyes. “And insensitive towards you…but now that I am seeing you, I have been awfully inconsiderate. You look exhausted, and I feel terrible for acting that way. I’m so sorry”

Sung Gyu pursed his lips to stop his words from flowing. He felt his guards coming down, an overwhelming urge to let everything out on her slowly overtaking him. One glance into her concerned eyes, he couldn’t hold back any longer. “I am actually” he admitted before his conscious self could stop him. He kept his mug aside and dragged his hand down his face. “Work is being a , and with taking care of Sung Jae, keeping up with my parents…everything” He sighed. “And on top of that, my grandma just called me yesterday. Only then I realized we haven’t been in touch for years. She’s ill, it seems. I’ve got to see her soon; my mum insists that I do…” With every word, his voice only grew smaller, more and more tired. In the end, he slumped against the counter and closed his eyes. Now that he spoke it all aloud, he felt as if it was a reminder for himself of all the things that needed to be done. He became wearier at the thought of it, and only opened his eyes when she called for him.

“Oh, Sung Gyu…” She said and climbed up on her feet. In a few strides, she approached him, and when she hugged him close, her small but warm built softly pressed against him, Sung Gyu felt himself coming undone. He needed it. That warmth, that promise, that reassurance. He found himself responding to her instinctively by wrapping both his arms around her waist and pulling her close. He breathed in that scent of her, rich but unfamiliar as he pressed his face into her shoulder.

“You’re doing great, you’d be fine” she told him and patted on his back. “And I’m proud of you too”

He was quietly contemplating for a second, and then he pulled away, only to gaze into her eyes. “Yoora, what do you think about taking care of Sung Jae for a bit?” He asked her.

“Hm?”

“You know” He retrieved his arms. “Eunji is a bit busy and I can’t force her since she’s just doing me a favor. She can’t take care of Sung Jae every evening. So why don’t you come over and look after him for a bit? We can have family dates…the three of us”

Yoora played with his collar, her eyes not meeting his. “Is that what you want?”

“It’s the perfect way around this” He said.

Yoora went quiet for a moment, tugging at his tie rather distractedly. These were the kind of moments he hated the most, when she took too long to think, and her stiff expression giving nothing away. Sung Gyu had understood by now that she was having a difficult time coming into terms with Sung Jae. But what confused him was that earlier, she was so persistent to meet him, even going to the extent of literally kidnapping him. But now she acted as if he wasn’t a big part of their lives, as if he wasn’t the one she was here for the first place, or even worse, not the child she had expected him to be.

“Well, I don’t know, Sung Gyu…” She responded, finally looking up at him. “Sung Jae’s not really fond of me, don’t you think?”

“So you can fix that, by spending more time with him” Sung Gyu pushed on. “Maybe he’s not comfortable with the idea of having a mother, Yoora. He didn’t have one for a long time...”

“I’ll think about it” She let out a sigh, and slowly, she moved closer, her hands on his collar now slowly progressing upwards. “Besides, it’s not the only way…” She stopped abruptly then, and her finger pushed delicately past his collar, soon pulling out the platinum chain from within its folds. “Oh…you still have it” She whispered, looked up and smiled.

That smile, only that smile itself should have stirred something inside him as well as the fact that she finally found the platinum chain resting around his neck. But surprisingly, that’s not what he felt. He couldn’t put a word on what he did feel at that moment. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, the end result of everything which happened that day. Suddenly, all he was thinking about was the fact that she effortlessly changed the subject of his truest concern, the fact that she blatantly refused to get their child involved in their relationship while he was the most important person in it. Suddenly, he wanted her to go away.

He didn’t think twice when he turned his head away when she tried to kiss him. He knew it was a rude gesture in every sense. But frankly, right now, he couldn’t care less. He cleared his throat and slowly untangled himself from her. Though she looked genuinely shocked, Sung Gyu served her with a smile. “Why don’t we go see how Jae is doing, hm?”

She did take a look at Sung Jae afterwards. A brief and somehow non-committed gesture which further clarified his assumption of her still not getting used to his existence. Sung Gyu knew he should be worried. Even after their years of being apart, it’s as if nothing had changed. Yoora was still afraid of being held down by responsibility. Sung Gyu knew he should be worried even more so about the fact that she had instantly diverted her interest of Sung Jae to him like she had always been with her indecisiveness which has certainly never changed. He knew it too, that one day he was ought to address it all. But for now, he waited for her to change, assuming that she was still trying to get used to things. He didn’t say anything more than a simple good night and sharing an unresponsive (from his side) kiss before she left.

When the door shut behind him and silence fell upon him afterwards, Sung Gyu realized, that it was a getaway from all of this that he really truly needed by then, nothing more.

*

Later during the lunch hour the next day, when all the kids were supposedly out playing, Sung Jae came knocking on her door. The reason why it was surprising was that the Sung Jae she knew and loved would never skip his time on climbing the monkey bars with the other kids. The moment he stepped in and when she was met with the rather serious look on his face, Eunji realized that she should be concerned.

“Hey, big guy” Eunji greeted and offered Sung Jae a carton of juice as he slid into his usual chair. He really looked like he deserved a drink. “Fancy seeing you here, what’s up?”

Sung Jae distractedly drank from his carton, eyes fixed elsewhere which worsened Eunji’s worry a tenfold. “Sung Jae, is everything okay?”

Only then did he respond by nodding his head, and he set the carton aside. “Babysitter” he called.

“Yeah, Sung Jae-ah?”

“Are you free on Friday night?”

Eunji was not free on Friday night. She had a date. With Howon. They were supposed to meet his mother.

“Why do you ask?” She responded with a pleasant smile.

“Nothing…just…” Sung Jae prodded on the table with a small, stubby finger. “Appa and I are going to Jeonju on Friday night” He told her.

“Really?” Eunji perked up at this new piece of information. “I’m surprised that he never mentioned that. Why so suddenly? Is everything okay?”

Sung Jae shook his head. “Great grandma is sick”

Apparently, Sung Gyu’s grandmother who was more than eighty years old had fallen ill. She lived far off in a corner of Jeonju do as it happened, hence them starting their trip early by travelling in the night on Friday, just the two of them. Eunji was sure taking long trips with Sung Gyu was fun. But with him alone and nothing much to talk about (what do people have to discuss with grown-ups as him?) it’s understandable that Sung Jae was already upset.

“So, is that why you are here?”

Sung Jae nodded silently, and it made her laugh. “Finally, a kid comes to me with an actual worry, I’m delighted!”

He pouted in response.

“So, what do you say that we do, hm?” She asked him. “Maybe you should play games with him on the way, or talk a bit. You could also nap all the way there but that would also-,”

“Or you can come”

Eunji’s smile froze on her face. “What?”

“You can come with us…baby sitter” Sung Jae replied.

Just how she could respond to him, Eunji couldn’t possibly understand. Sung Jae was a child who was matured beyond his young age; someone with a rather sound understanding of lots of things, but that didn’t necessarily mean he could understand the fact that the baby sitter had all the right reasons to avoid his father in every possible way. She couldn’t tell him that she was in love with his father, that he was only continuously hurting her instead. She couldn’t tell him that, for that reason, she’d rather not be such a huge part of their lives anymore. She could be with them every morning and every night; but she couldn’t quite possibly take that acquaintanceship beyond that point. Eunji met his eyes for a briefest moment and she felt a large part of herself dying within. As much as she was in love with Sung Gyu, she loved Sung Jae as well. As much as she wanted him far away from her in her life, she wanted to spend every second of it with his child. The relationship she had with the two of them had suddenly become much more complex than she imagined it to be.

“I…I don’t know, Sung Jae…” She played for time, wishing with her whole heart that the crestfallen expression on his face soon changed. “What does your father say?”

Despite what she wished for, his face only grew darker. “He said you might be busy”

“Well, I-I am…to be honest” Eunji said before she could change her mind. That was the only right way. Sometimes, somethings got to give for things to change. She couldn’t have Sung Jae pining for him any longer. His mother had returned for him, they were quite possibly forming a family, and she, the baby sitter was now to slowly disappear from the big picture of their lives.

But the way his face fell broke her heart in a way it could never mend again.

“Oh…okay”

“I’m sorry…” She whispered, taking his small hand in hers helplessly. “I would have come if I could, Sung Jae…”

“No…it’s okay” He mumbled, and she could swear she heard his voice crack. “I understand, baby sitter must be busy…”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Sung Jae, I’m so sorry” She said again, and gathered him in her arms. Words couldn’t explain how terrible she felt, breaking his little heart, crushing his innocent wishes. He only needed her company, and he wasn’t at fault for all the mistakes that Eunji and his father had made. But in the end it was him who had to suffer the most. She wished they had a better way around everything so that Sung Gyu, her and most importantly Sung Jae could be happy.

Sung Jae left her that afternoon, crestfallen and broken hearted which remained through the day. After school had ended, when she met him in front of his classroom, he didn’t greet her in the same excitement that she was used to, as if his somber and monosyllable greeting would suffice. They didn’t speak much during their drive back home either; even if they did they never touch the topic of the road trip or anything remotely related to it. Eunji took him out for lunch instead of making it at home in hopes that it would lift his spirit, but not even the brief trip to the arcade afterwards changed his sour mood. Eunji was this close to giving up and giving in at the end of that day. She had broken his heart and she would never forgive herself for doing that.

Sung Gyu came home a little later than usual; lanky and exhausted as he typically was since as of late. He was of not many words and didn’t even respond to her when she instructed him about the dinner preparations. Instead, he went straight to his bedroom and soon the sound of the shower could be heard. Sung Jae was sitting in the kitchen at that time, catching up with some studying. She gazed at him a moment longer, let out a heavy sigh and decided to prepare dinner before she left.

Sung Jae wanted to eat spaghetti. That’s what he told her when he asked, in a voice so small and painful that she felt her heart shatter every time she recalled it. She made them dinner in exactly the way they liked it, heated it up in advance and left in in the oven so that the extra work Sung Gyu would have left to do would be minimum. Sung Jae was still in the kitchen. Instead of doing his work, he was distractedly playing around with his stationary, deep in his thought. It was as if all the happiness had drained from their once-happy home and Eunji couldn’t help but feel that she was greatly at fault.

Before she left, Eunji made sure Sung Jae had had dinner and had completed all his homework. He was rather reluctant at first to both have dinner and complete his homework, claiming that he was tired and he’d just sleep, but Eunji, seeing that Sung Gyu was taking too long to come out of his room, took the matters to her own hands and gave him the necessary persuasion. Once all was done, she tucked him to bed and made sure the kitchen was clean, dinner was ready for the other and Sung Jae’s uniform was pressed, everything that Sung Gyu had to do once she left. She had a date that night as well. Howon and her were supposed to meet after work, but she decided that could wait, he could wait while Sung Jae seemed a lot more important than anything. When she was about to leave, she realized that Sung Gyu still hadn’t stepped out of his room. Concerned, she approached his closed door, knocked a few times and waited. When he didn’t answer, she carefully creaked opened the door and peeked inside. The sight which unfolded before her made her heart pain and flutter at the same time. Sung Gyu had peacefully passed out on his bed; and what’s more was that it seemed as if he hadn’t been quite conscious when he dressed that his head was still in the grey hoodie and only his tuft of dark hair was peeking out. The gentle raise and fall of his chest was almost soothing to watch and she couldn’t help it. He looked so much like a child. Perhaps the exact resemblance of his child. Her feet padded softly across the room and as quietly as she could, she lifted his quilt and tucked him inside. The sight of his sleeping self was mesmerizing. Had she stayed any longer, she wouldn’t have been able to leave at all.

That night, Eunji found herself staring up at her roof, at the soft yellow lights seeping through the curtain folds and making ripples against the darkened upholstery. She couldn’t sleep. And in her mind, were so many things, so many things which, surprisingly so, involved the Kims. No matter how much she tried to shake off that nagging feeling inside her, a strange discomfort had settled inside the pit of her stomach, something which seemed to be telling her that giving Sung Jae her rejection only so that she could avoid his father was a huge mistake. Sung Gyu might be perfectly capable of taking good care of him, but since recently he’d seemed quite out of it; exhausted and constantly distracted as if he was being consumed by demons she had never known for him to possess. Myriad times, she had wanted to be the support she’s always been for him, hold his hand through whatever the difficult patch they were going through; but every time this thought appeared, she’d fight it off by reminding herself that she was nothing in his life compared to how everything he was for her.

But Sung Jae, little Sung Jae was a wholly different matter. There was no question about what connection the two of them shared. An unlikely friendship, she would say. Best friends of the strangest kind. She would have thought he was somehow pining after him but now that she thought of it; no. It wasn’t entirely the case. Sung Jae found comfort in her, the comfort he had failed to find for a long time. She was a friend, a mother, an older sister; how he viewed her was wholly lot different from how he saw her mother. Perhaps her being put a pedestal so high in his life, so much so that she felt she didn’t deserve it. But the truth was that Eunji too, saw him as a friend, a baby brother and as if he was her own child. A year had been enough for her to develop motherly instincts though she wasn’t a mother herself. She loved that child. Words couldn’t explain just how much she did. She wanted to protect him, shower him with love and reassure, constantly that she was a mother who would never leave him, that she wanted him possibly every single day.

If that was the case, then, was it fair that she rejected his kindly request just because of her own inner conflicts? It could go down in so many ways, now that she thought of it. It wasn’t hard to be with Sung Jae and not be too involved with his father. After all, Sung Gyu had been so distant and detached the whole time and she was pretty sure he wouldn’t any different during the trip as well. Eunji could set her inner disputes aside and for once go with her consciousness and instincts. And her instincts, as it happened, were telling her only one single thing.

The next morning, she woke up with a resolve. Before she knew it herself, she had already pulled out a bag and was throwing in everything she thought were essential. Eunji was going. Eunji was going, and she held onto that thought throughout the day which passed, willing it to become evening soon. She had to keep her excitement at bay and smiles minimal to empathize with Sung Jae’s sour moods. Though his expression was stiff and hardly seemed to change, she knew it, for fact that they were just about to, and the two of them together, regardless of everything else, would have an incredible time.

Sung Gyu told her earlier that evening, finally as if it only occurred to him then, that they were to head onto Jeonju in the night. Eunji took this chance to tell him that his son had been considerate enough, more than he himself, to inform her earlier. Sung Gyu looked genuinely apologetic, his eyes crinkled downwards in a rueful smile, and it was strange how she could still find him mesmerizing. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you, earlier…I should have” He told her. But she dismissed, or she thought she did, if her quietness and vague hand gesture as she gazed at him rather affectionately, ever meant anything.

And then she took off for the evening, only with the silent promise to be right back.

*

When Sung Gyu finally stepped out of his room, all dressed and a packed day bag in hands, Sung Jae was already out in the hallway, pacing around and wearing the most unenthusiastic face he had ever seen. The child’s been looking crestfallen ever since that night when he refused to have Eunji on board with them. Sung Gyu ad his reasons, but now that he was seeing how upset Sung Jae seemed, he was beginning to wonder how important his own petty reasons were comparing to the child’s. He must have felt as if he didn’t allow his best friend to accompany him. Although Sung Gyu hadn’t exactly told him in that sense of blatant rejection, it was rejection nevertheless, and for Sung Jae’s discomfort which would most likely last throughout their journey, he felt completely at fault.

But then again, Eunji said that Sung Jae had told her, and in that case, he most probably had asked her to join them as well. If she were the one to say no to him, didn’t that make her the one at fault? He hated to admit it himself, but the positivity of this single thought made him feel so much better.

“Hey, you okay?” Sung Gyu asked, crouching down before him. A tender smile was donning his lips as he carefully fixed the child’s soft hair. “You and appa are going to have a great time, I promise you, okay?”

Sung Jae nodded slowly, and he pulled him into a brief hug. “Everything packed?”

“Yeah” Sung Jae slowly replied. Sung Gyu grabbed Sung Jae’s little suitcase, lifted it up to find it a little too heavy for a nine-year-old going out on a weekend trip. “Woah, what’s in there?”

A soft tinge or read appeared on his cheeks and Sung Jae fiddled with his thumbs. “The quilt”

Sung Gyu set down the bag and began to laugh, his heart feeling a little lighter. Sung Jae never went on long trips without his favorite quilt, the one from his old childhood bed as if it was a memento of some sort. “Did you pack the stuff that you really need? Shorts, T-shirts, underwear, your toothbrush?”

“Yup” Sung Jae nodded obediently.

“So all set to go?”

Sung Jae nodded again, but as it seemed to him, he certainly was leaving his enthusiasm behind. Sung Gyu couldn’t blame him. He wasn’t feeling up to it either way. Sung Gyu’s had a rough week, and it was Friday. All S as well as Sung Jae wanted to do was sleep in throughout the weekend, not travelling across the country against their own will.

However, making up his mind to find at least an ounce of goodness in this trip, Sung Gyu picked up his bag and checked around the house once more. Once he was certain all was check, he ushered his son out, looked around for one last time, gazed into the kitchen for a moment longer and let out a sigh. He felt the emptiness in the house as well as his life in a way that he had never felt before, even as he was leaving it vacant for the weekend. The two of them traversed the corridor and they passed Moon Soo who, for once wasn’t drunk and didn’t even spare a glance at them, which was good because if he ever did, Sung Gyu didn’t think he’d go home with his teeth intact. Once they were by the lift, Sung Jae pressed the button, and they waited. The lift took a while to ascend; while they waited, Sung Gyu sent Yoora a quick text. He hadn’t met her since the incident from the other night, it having left quite a mark on him every time he remembered how she seemed to blatantly disregard their child. She was confusing, still. She was the same woman that Sung Gyu had always known. Back then he had loved her for her quirks, but now, nine years later, Sung Gyu was struggling and in any case, forcing himself to love those quirks he thought were beautiful but not any longer. As it appeared to him now, it wasn’t her who had changed. It was him. It was him who was, after all, affected by perks of being a father.

The lift finally arrived, and it dinged open. Sung Gyu looked up, Sung Jae widened his eyes and the dark expression so effortlessly waned away. It was a moment so brief yet unexpectedly rejoiceful, as if they were opening a gift which arrived before Christmas. In the lift stood her, Jung Eunji, a delighted smile on her face and a day bag in her hands.

“Baby sitter?” Sung Jae exclaimed the moment she stepped out of the lift.

“Sung Jae-ah” Eunji smiled in return, dropping her bag at her feet. Sung Gyu could only watch her, watch them and their ever-beautiful exchange, utterly confused and befuddled. Eunji had come back in a mater of minutes after she left for the day. Not only was she back, she had a bag in her hands.

“Eunji? I thought you went home” It took so much of his effort to not leap in joy himself. It was strange but suddenly he had a good feeling about their trip.

“I came back” She smiled, and the way she held his son, the way she smiled, the way her fingers tenderly the child’s hair, the very fact that she was there, for them, made butterflies flutter incessantly inside him.

“Baby sitter, are you coming with us? To Jeonju?” Sung Jae asked, and for once he actually sounded enthusiastic about the whole ordeal.

“Yup. You wanted me to, didn’t you?”

“But you said you were busy” Sung Jae pouted.

Eunji laughed in response, a soft, tinkling laughter which echoed throughout the hall like wedding chimes, easily making into the softest point in his heart. He didn’t know that he was smiling, or that he was gazing at her with tender eyes. When she looked, up and when she smiled at him, Sung Gyu could swear his world fell away. “I’m never busy for the people that matter” she said then, and he could have been seeing it all in his mind, but he was certain, when she said that, her eyes were still on him.

“So, shall we go?” She said to no one in particular, and only then that it occurred to him that the lift was still waiting for them.

The night was balmy and warm when they drove through the busy Seoul streets. The night life in the city was bustling and joyful, people of all ages and sorts mingling about in road sides; some shopping, some on night outs, some having a peaceful stroll, basking in the comfort of the impending weekend. In side their car it was quiet, only the slow rumble of the vehicle could be hears. Sung Jae was sleepily looking out the window, leaning against the door and the bright street lights casting a kaleidoscope of colors on his pale skin. Eunji was quietly scrolling through her phone, strands of dark hair covering her face which she’s push behind her ear in regular intervals, only to fall back again. The traffic wasn’t bad, but they drove he drove slowly as if he wanted the few hours in the car to last longer. It was strange, but Sung Gyu was truly, indescribably happy. He had thought having Eunji with them would be problematic, that having her far away from him would solve so many things. But now that she was there, seated right beside her, he realized that he’d been wrong all along.

It didn’t take long for them to finally get out of the city and the drive continued leisurely through the darkened stretch of the empty road. Only a couple of lorries and buses passed by, and in a far the lights from the city seemed to completely illuminate the night sky. Eunji had long put away her phone, now quietly staring out as the city passed by in a flash, her eyes focused in a distance, perhaps, deep in her thoughts. The truth was, though, Sung Gyu’s mind is never in peace, since recently, whenever she’s around. He’s always taking note of small things about her, small, delicate details which he had failed to grasp before, and every little thing about her, he fell in love over and over again. He’d see her in a way that he had never seen her before, and every second she would be around her, only the thoughts of her would occupy his mind.

And right now, he was wondering why she made that sudden decision to come with them. Sung Gyu was certain she had a date today (because bloody Howon was going on and on about it with Dong Woo during lunch today and Woohyun tried to look unaffected but his brother complex kept kicking in) regardless, she’d found it imperative enough to leave a date behind and accompany them because they mattered.

Sung Gyu wouldn’t even begin to think about how he might matter to her. She’s tole him, or even implied him just how much he meant for her, but was it still as much as she meant for him? To the extent where he’d force himself into a what he thought could be a perfect life only so that Eunji could have a happy life? He hated to think about it, about everything for that matter. Perhaps, what she meant by the people who mattered was only Sung Jae, because, the past few days, they hardly ever hand a proper conversation that would count.

Somehow, they soon arrive at the entrance to the highway, and as he drove through, it suddenly occurred and he slowed down right in front of the service station. “Have you had dinner, Eunji?” He asked her, awakening his voice for the first time in a while.

“No, not really” She replied.

“I’m hungry” Sung Jae commented from behind them. “And sleepy. And I want to pee”

“Okay” Sung Gyu chuckled, meeting Eunji’s eyes for a fleeting moment. “I guess this is our first stop then” He said and unlocked the doors.

The only decent place offering a filling dinner and no overwhelming crowd was a traditional diner. Although he did consider fast-food for its convenience, the crowd lined up for their meals as well as the loud noises inside the rather confines space was discomforting. Sung Gyu soughed after some peace in a thwarting Friday evening, and quite frankly he didn’t even care for the expenses.

As soon as they located a table and settled in, Sung Jae took off to find a washroom, leaving Sung Gyu behind with Eunji, and both of them spent a couple of awkward minutes staring at the menus in utter silence.

“Anything in mind?” Sung Gyu asked her.

“I don’t really mind” Eunji replied, and they fell silent again. After a while then, Sung Gyu realized that he couldn’t take it anymore. He set the menu aside on the table and looked up at her. “Look, we’re awkward, why are we awkward? We were never awkward before”

Eunji too, kept the menu on a side. “Are we? I didn’t notice?”

“Don’t you want to talk?”

Eunji smiled, and it was only then that things finally fell into place. “Of course I do”

They do talk, afterwards, the icy wall which had developed between them the past few days slowly melting away. The two ordered a couple of dishes based on the severity of their hunger (I’m really hungry, really, really hungry, Eunji had told him) and once Sung Jae joined them, the conversations flowed rather naturally like they did in the old days. They talked about school, and Sung Gyu did most of the listening, which was fine, because he was the one who was being narrated the stories to. He got to know about the new homeroom teacher and his strange habits in complete detail, and all the funny stories from school that he’d heard before but were still a lot funnier in the way that both Eunji and Sung Jae retold them. They were silent only for the couple of minutes that their food was brought, and the chatter in their table continued until they were full and content. By the time the three of them hit the road again, Sung Gyu’s head was lighter, happier, a constant smile on his face.

As soon as they entered the highways and as they drove in a leisurely pace, Sung Jae drifted off to a peaceful nap in the back. Eunji leaned in through the gap between the front seats to make sure he lied down and was comfortable enough. Sung Gyu breathed in her sweetest fruity scent when she brushed past him; it was like a beacon for him. He felt a strange sense of belongingness in her presence. Once she’s settled down she kicked off her sandals and brought her feet against her chest, wrapping both arms around her knees and just stared out at the endlessly stretching road ahead.

It was her who broke the silence between them. “It wasn’t like I didn’t want to talk to you” She told him.

“Hm?”

“It wasn’t like I didn’t want to talk to you, boss” Eunji reiterated and finally ripped her gaze off the road and averted it in his direction. “You just didn’t seem like you wanted company”

He pursed his lips together and allowed a moment of quietness pass by. “I admit it that I was being an the past few days” He said.

“Money to the swear jar” Eunji smiled. “I didn’t think you were being an , actually. I just thought you were going through a bad week”

“Money to the swear jar” Sung Gyu returned, grinning. “I didn’t mean to be one either. I suppose it happens to all of us”

There was a quiet, contemplative moment between them, and she raised her eyes towards him. “Was work treating you bad? You seem exhausted, honestly. Every day you’d just hit the bed the first thing and I couldn’t even say good night”

“It was rather impolite, wasn’t it?” Sung Gyu asked her ruefully.

“I didn’t mind” Eunji dismissively shook her head. “I was, you know, kind of worried because you hardly even spoke to Sung Jae”

Sung gyu nodded quietly, his eyes focused far ahead. Quite frankly it has been a terrible time for him with an overwhelming amount of concerns holding him down. What’s even worse was that he hadn’t even the courage to open up to anyone. He knew for a fact that Yoora didn’t care much except for the bit where she’d get unnecessarily physical which she’s mistaken as much needed comfort. And he couldn’t worry his parents more than they already were. Woohyun too, despite always being there for him had his own pile of worries, what with his wedding coming around but the amount of work piled up not allowing him to take time off for the preparations. All he had at dispense even as an iota of comfort was Eunji; but only, he’d thought she had worried enough, he didn’t think it was right to make her a part of it. True, she was there to provide him the necessary comfort and he had always searched for it in her without any hesitation. But that was before Yoora and Howon happened. Things weren’t the same anymore, and an inevitable crevise had now formed between them, hindering him from stepping over a boundary that he had built between them.

Sometimes, though, just sometimes, he liked to imagine that the drift between them never happened. It was so easy, so easy to open up to her.

And as always, that’s exactly what he did.

“I’ve been...” He sighed and gripped onto the steering wheel even harder. “I mean I am tired. So bloody exhausted, Eunji”

“I imagined so” Eunji replied and she rearranged herself on the seat so that she was leaning against the door. “It’s…understandable, actually. I myself wonder, sometimes, how you must be keeping up with everything”

Sung Gyu smiled, which sure didn’t reach his eyes which narrowed when a lorry with its blinding headlights passed by. “I don’t think I’m keeping up with anything” He sincerely acknowledged and shook his head in disbelief of what has now become his own life. “I’m in a mess. Work is maddening, and I am not even taking proper care of Sung Jae. I hardly have time to speak to my family, and…” He sighed. “Only this Wednesday did I realize I haven’t spoken to my grandma in ages. That’s what this whole trip was all about, actually. She’s old and no matter how fit she is, we can never be sure how long she’d…” He drifted off and took a deep breath. “I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if anything happened to her like this, without me knowing anything”

It could have been only the trick of his eyes, an optical illusion, maybe; with the lights on the either sides of the expressway were forming strange silhouettes of non-existent things left and right. But he could swear he saw with the corner of his eyes, Eunji reach her hand out to him, perhaps to hold his, but then retreating as if she suddenly changed her mind. They were quiet for a moment afterwards, and in the back seat, Sung Jae groaned softly in his sleep. They still had miles and miles to go, but in the back of his eyes, it was burning. Sung Gyu was tired and sleepy, and in a matter of minutes, his vision would become bleary with sleepy tears.

“I’m sorry” Eunji told him all of a sudden. The pace of the car gradually lessened as his foot loosened up on the accelerator, and he glanced at the other in incredulity. “What for?” He asked her.

“I…I haven’t been nice to you myself, the past few weeks” Eunji said and bashfully pushed a fringe of her hair behind her ear. “I haven’t done my part right, leaving you behind with things. I’m supposed to be helping out, but what I’ve been doing is leaving you behind with so much to be done….” Eunji sighed. “I’m sorry, honestly”

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about” Sung Gyu chuckled uneasily and shook his head in disbelief. “You realize you’re doing me a favor, right? I expect nothing more from you, Eunji. You’ve been tremendous help for me and I…I” Sung Gyu’s eyes widened as he shook his head once more. “Eunji, what’s even there to apologize for? I can’t even begin to describe how thankful I am to have you there and I don’t understand…”

Eunji was quiet as she fiddled with her fingers, but an unmistakable timid smile was slowly forming on her lips, and if he could see clearly in the dark, he was certain her cheeks were tinged pastel pink. “Really?” She asked him.

“Really” He grinned and agreed. After a moment, he added; “I still don’t understand what you would feel sorry for. I mean, you’re working too and you’re obviously doing me a favor-,”

“Responsibility” She told him without a beat.

Sung Gyu stopped, the car’s pace decreased significantly again; a mad driver with his honking spree hurriedly passed by in an insulting manner, but all Sung Gyu could see at that moment was the gravity of the expression that donned her face at that time. “What-what do you mean?” He asked her.

Eunji shrugged in response. “Is it wrong to feel that Sung Jae…and maybe even you are my responsibility?”

Sung Gyu went quiet as he contemplated her words, and no matter how much he thought about it, the familiarity only grew, as if it was nothing new coming from her, as if it wasn’t unexpected. By the way she treated and even perceived her place in Sung Jae’s life, who she has been for him the past year, it had been quite obvious that he was seen as more or less of a responsibility for her. What sent his heart beating rapidly, however was how she rather timidly yet certainly added him in their equation, made him a part of it, and saw him as a responsibility.

Although why she ever would feel that way was still beyond him.

“I don’t understand…” He finally admitted and turned to her. “I mean, it’s not wrong, not at all. But why would you?”

Eunji pursed her lips as she rested her chin on her folded legs. She stared out at the rapidly passing city and the neon lights illuminating the roadside like a train of bursting stars. She was quiet for a moment, and he watched her; fascinated, mesmerized, before she finally took a long breath and smiled, not at anything in particular. She just smiled. “I don’t know” Eunji answered in the end. “I don’t know, honestly. It’s just what it is”

*

As the night progressed, Eunji felt her own exhaustion slowly kicking in. They’ve been driving for a while, and despite Sung Gyu’s evident fatigue, he refused to let her take the wheel in his stead as she suggested so that he could take a rest. His dark eyes were drooping, and he’d already yawned unconsciously a couple of times; stretched his free arm and his words only became lesser. Eunji kept remembering that time when he lost control of the wheel and they saw death on their way. They truly couldn’t risk it tonight; little Sung Jae was fast asleep behind them. Thus, Eunji made sure she kept the conversations flowing.

They talked about a couple of things, varying from work to family to likes and dislikes, things that they already knew but discussed anyway for the lack of better things to talk about. The inevitable question of relationships slowly eased into their conversation, and by mistake, she revealed to him that she was supposed to meet Howon’s mother tonight. He was none-very happy about her missing it, continuously telling her that he’d get off on the next exit and drive her all the way back to Seoul again. It took so much of her to convince him that they were going to be fine, but she couldn’t help it. Eunji felt an indescribable sense of pain inside her. The fact of the matter was that she constantly felt as if he was deliberately pushing her away from him and towards Howon. Almost as if he knew. She didn’t dare ask him about Yoora or how things were going on between them. He didn’t reveal much either; almost nothing at all. But somewhere in that conversation it was enunciated, somehow, that they might be together, and she refused to find out more.

The night continued thus, but in a long stretch of silence which passed, the vehicles whizzing by hastily on the either sides of them, Sung Gyu let out a groan and shut his eyes tight. “This is ridiculous” He drawled in a sleepy voice. “I’m so tired, I can hardly see the road”

“Boss” Eunji told him in utter concern. “Let’s stop at the next service station and change seats”

“No” Sung Gyu shook his head vigorously as if she made an outrageous claim. “I can’t let you drive this late…let’s just…just” He let out another yawn. “Jesus”

“Wait, let me check the next exit or the service station” She meddled with the GPS system of the car, trying to trace their current location. “Whichever comes first…boss, there’s an exit in another three kilometers”

“And?” Sung Gyu asked her tiredly.

“And we’ll see what we can do” She said.

In the end, they do take the exit which was only a ten minutes’ drive away. Eunji had never come to that particular region before, and the trees which aligned the roadside suddenly seemed like horrifying ghostly figures, making her question her impulsive decision. But Sung Gyu wasn’t saying much, his weary, exhausted self not putting even a slightest effort to make a decision. They came to a clearing where all they could see for miles were rice fields, the green crops slowly shimmering in the cold summer wind. In a far was a couple of village homes, dimly lit by flickering lights. In a distance, they could hear a dog bark. It wasn’t exactly a place they felt secured, but the fact that there were people, even in a considerable distance away from them, was mildly comforting. Sung Gyu stopped the car beside one of the fields, killed the ignition, leaned back in his seat and let out a sigh. In that very moment, Eunji made a quick decision.

“Come on, let’s change seats” Eunji whispered to him, hurriedly unbuckling herself.

“Hm? No” He said mildly as he stretched his arms. “You can’t-,” Yet another yawn escaped without warning, he leaned back, and a lone tear of drowsiness rolled down his cheek. “Let’s just stay here”

“In the middle of nowhere?” Eunji asked as she looked around their quiet surrounding.

“T’s fine” He replied slowly and proceeded to roll down the shutters. A heavy cold wind attacked them in a rush, and the scent of damp earth and crop that it carried was oddly comforting. “Let’s just sleep here”

“S-sleep?” Eunji asked him incredulously. They possibly couldn’t sleep in their car, stuck in a place they barely knew. Come tomorrow morning, they’d be mugged of their belongings for all she knew. “No, we can’t. I mean, what if there were robbers or criminals or-or erts-,”

Sung Gyu’s hand reached over to her, then, and with two fingers, he pushed her head against the seat. “Sleep” He drawled in a sleepy voice, and she went quiet as he retreated and curled up in the lowered seat. It felt strangely domestic, the whole arrangement was. Him sleeping there next to her, just a hair-thread a distance away from her and the child whom they both loved immensely, right behind them. The sense of responsibility she initially felt before she came to this decision had now only raised a tenfold. She wanted to protect them; this child, this man who was still so much as a child himself, both of whom she loved beyond words. She wanted to protect them with all she had.

Sung Gyu had fallen asleep in a matter of minutes, and she watched him as his shoulders raised and fell in a peaceful pace. His arms were closed around them, protecting him from the cold wind, but it seemed to do little help as he shivered every time the wind would hit. His slightly overgrown hair was in his eyes, tenderly dancing in the wind every time the breeze would pass. A strangely breathtaking sight, he was. Eunji let out a sigh and picked up her handbag where she had a scarf buried inside, one she carried out of habit since young days. It sure couldn’t help much, given that it hardly covered all of him, but it had to be enough to at least cover his exposed arms. She leaned over him and slowly laid the scarf around him. He moved the slightest, but that was only to snuggle further into himself, like a kitten in his sleep. She couldn’t help the smile forming on her lips, an overwhelming urge to hold him and kiss him warmly was fighting over her good reasoning. It was out of impulse that she gave into it, moved closer and briefly pressed her lips on his forehead. He was warm. His scent was splendorous. Eunji decided she couldn’t sit beside him any longer.

She climbed out of the car and immediately got into the back seat. Sung Jae was long and sprawled along the seat, but he too, was freezing. She hadn’t anymore scarfs, therefore she took off her jacket, wrapped it around him and pulled him against herself. Almost naturally the child snuggled into her, breathing softly against her chest. As the soft wind rushed past them, the tranquility of the village rocked her to sleep. All she remembered before she drifted into a peaceful doze was the brilliance of his smile.

*

The next morning, Eunji woke up to the gentle rumbling of the car; upon fluttering her eyes open to the brilliant summer light, she realized that they were already on the move.

“Good morning, Miss Jung” Sung Gyu greeted from the front seat and Sung Jae pocked his head from the other. “Had a good sleep?”

Eunji absently pressed a hand onto her head, her hair a tangled mess and looked out at the hastily passing road outside. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not so long. We hit the road at around seven” Sung Gyu replied and Eunji looked down at her watch. It was five past eight.

“I was going to wake you up, but appa told me to let you sleep” Sung Jae supplied as he hugged the head rest of his seat. “And you look terrible, baby sitter”

Eunji groaned and quickly shuffled for her bag, but then she realized it was in the front seat. Sung Gyu who noticed her discomfort gave out a soft chuckle, reached out and snatched it for her. Eunji pulled out her phone, and the sight which greeted her was inducing nightmares. “I look like ”

“Money to the swear jar” Sung Jae deadpanned.

“Don’t worry, we’re stopping at the next service station” Sung Gyu replied with a laugh.

After about twenty minutes of a drive, they came to a halt at the service station. While Sung Gyu got the vehicle refilled, Eunji went to the ladies to get herself cleaned up. She had her toiletries packed in her handbag, just in case, which turned out to be rather convenient. After she brushed her teeth, washed her face, did her hair and got her make-up done, she met the father and the son exiting the men’s washroom, a duffle bag in hand. Sung Gyu looked at her and smiled; she could swear her heart stopped beating. “Much better” he said.

They had breakfast at a café, sitting in a cubicle by the window and basking in the warmth of the morning sun in silence. It wasn’t like they hadn’t much to speak of. It was only that they all found the quietness, its tranquility, much endearing. While Sung Jae went off to get himself a second smoothie (he had quite an appetite) Sung Gyu and Eunji sat there with their warm coffee mugs in hands, avoiding each other’s eyes.

“Sorry about last night” Sung Gyu told her all of a sudden as if to finally break the silence between them. “

“Oh, don’t be, you must have been tired” Eunji said dismissively. “Better now?”

“Yeah” Sung Gyu smiled timidly and looked away. “What is taking him so long?”

Eunji stared at him for a moment, scrutinizing him. He didn’t seem better, despite him saying so. There were dark circles forming under his eyes and in spite of the season, he looked quite pale. He’s been significantly losing his weight, and his hair was a mess as if he’d been tugging at it one too many times. Sung Gyu wasn’t okay.

“If you’re having a difficult time, you should tell me so, boss” Eunji told him.

“I’m not” Sung Gyu told her, giving her a reassuring smile. “It’s just been a rough week, that’s all”

“Are you okay, though?” Eunji prodded on with a concerned gaze. “You don’t look like it”

“I am” He nodded, the smile not wavering once. “Besides-oh! There he comes!”

And then, truth to his words, Sung Jae emerged with a tall glass of mango smoothie on the tow, a huge grin on his lips.

“Whoa! You sure you can finish that?” Sung Gyu laughed as he sat down beside him, the conversation from before long forgotten.

“Nope” Sung Jae replied cheerily.

“Then what would happen to the rest?”

Sung Jae looked up at Eunji and gave her his biggest smile. “Baby sitter will have it” He replied.

After all, Eunji did end up having half of the smoothie. Refreshed and with full stomachs, the three of them hit the road again. The rest of the journey continued with much conversation and boisterous laughter as if it was a continuation from last night’s dinner time. Sung Jae was loud and cheerful throughout the journey, curiously asking questions about this and that, expressing his commentary and joking around. Both Eunji and Sung Gyu took part in his flippancy as well, contributing with their own comments and bad jokes. Somewhere in that time, Sung Gyu the radio and the three of them sang along to whatever the songs which came up; even those with lots of raps and girl group songs. Eunji could swear, for that few hours spent together, they made an undeniably impeccable family. The journey became shorter than expected. And soon they arrived at the splendorous city of Jeonju in all its vibrancies and glory.

Eunji had never been to Jeonju before, so she found it quite surprising, how traditional and tranquil the city seemed comparing to Busan, where she came from. Despite the tall buildings, the crowded towns and shopping districts, the city seemed relatively calmer, with the surrounding mountain tops adding a strange sense of serenity. Eunji rolled down the window and gazed at every little detail of a town she had never seen before, and behind her, she could hear Sung Gyu proudly explaining things about his hometown. Sung Jae, on the other hand, seemed to pay very little attention, although he did look at the passing city with much less enthusiasm.

“And through there, if we drove in a little further, will be the famous Hanok village” Sung Gyu said as they passed by a four-way street; and true to his words, there was a wooden placard mentioning directions as well as a line of traditional Hanok houses leading into the street. “I wish we had more time, we could have gone there had we come to see my parent’s place. Grandma lives further into the suburbs”

As the busy city passed by, they were met with more and more single storied Hanok houses of people, who seemed relatively well off than the rest. “It’s around here that we used to live, actually” Sung Gyu said, a tinge of nostalgia in his voice. “My old home”

“So, you were well off?” Eunji assumed the first thing, and Sung Gyu threw her an amused look.

“I knew you’d ask that” He smiled.

“Well?”

Sung Gyu shrugged. “My parents owned a family business. A chain of restaurants. The best Bibimbap in the town”

Eunji wasn’t surprised that he used it an occasion to boast about himself, but she didn’t really mind. As they drove through the town, passing streets and buildings of all sorts, Sung Gyu would point at the places he was familiar with from his childhood, as if it was a drive through the memories of his young days. There was his old school, and the park where he had his very first kiss. The grocery store he used to go with his father for discount supplies had been long closed, there was a warehouse instead and he was a little upset about it. He told her bits and snippets from back then, and all in all, it was an enjoyable ride. The rest towards his grandmother’s place was through endless miles of farmlands, the crops glimmering golden under the warm sun. It was the summer, the cropping season; only specs of people busy mingling about in the fields could be seen, working hard despite the hot weather.

“My grandparents have their own farmlands” Sung Gyu explained as he drove. “Acres and acres of it. They grow rice, chilies, cabbage, radish, potatoes. My parents always had a fresh supply of veggies for the restaurants, it was almost like a joint business, so my family was quite popular even in my grandma’s village”

Eunji smiled at the mention of this. “So, we’d probably have old women swarming around you”

“You bet” Sung Gyu grinned in return.

The drive from the main city of Jeonju and further into the village took only as long as an hour. The stretch of farmlands never ceased, but the mountains which seemed to be further ahead only grew closer and closer; and soon, Sung Gyu drove into what she could only describe as a secluded remote village surrounded by tall green mountains, a stream and a wide stretch of golden farmlands. A tired but a satisfied smile as bright as the crops under the sun was donning his lips. “We’re here” He said.

Sung Gyu’s grandmother’s house, true to his words, seemed more noble and richer than the ones which she saw in the village. They had a wide expanse of a sandy garden where red chilies were spread under the hot sun. Beside the house was a rich plantation of tall chili trees, and beyond that was a stretch of rice crops. The house was no bigger than Eunji’s old home back in Busan. The walls were yellowing, the front porch messy with baskets and tools. A small dog was sitting under the shade of a tree, stretched out and basking in the pleasant weather. The moment the car pulled in, the dog stumbled onto his feet and began to bark.

“Stupid Dojjeongie is still alive” Sung Gyu muttered under his breath. He killed the ignition, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. A moment of quietness passed, and Sung Jae pocked his head through the parting of the front seats. “Is this great grandma’s house?”

Sung Gyu glanced at his son. “You don’t remember?”

Sung Jae shook his head, and Sung Gyu took in a long breath. “So it’s been that long”

“This is it, then?” Eunji asked him for further clarification.

“Yup, this is it”

Sung Gyu opened the door, and he was the first one to climb out, Eunji and Sung Jae tentatively following after. She breathed in the unfamiliar scent of crops and drying chilies, the balmy sun fell upon her and she narrowed her eyes against it. Sung Gyu stepped over the spreads of harvest and tools, making his way towards the front porch as the dog-Dojjeongie-barked on and on, wagging her tail, evidently recognizing the visitor.

“Halmeoni! Halmeoni?” he called out in the same way he called his mother, holding a hand above his eyes to protect them from the sun. “Halmeoni?”

A small woman with soft, curly grey hair, dressed in lose pants and a top of vivid patterns emerged from a nearby shed, a garden tool in hands. It was obvious that she was older than she looked, but Eunji was amazed at her fast-paced walk and the strength she had to just about drag a sizeable garden tool along with her. The eyes, though. Eunji was amazed, yet again. The eyes were the exact resemblance of the eyes she had known for so long and fallen in love with.

“Sung-Sung Gyu goonie?”

Sung Gyu turned, the previously panicked expression was soon replaced by recognition and relief. “Halmeoni”

“Sung Gyu goon, you came?”

“Yeah…” He nodded stiffly, but Eunji could swear she heard his voice crack. Eunji pulled Sung Jae against her and held him close, watching the heart-felt exchange as Sung Gyu stepped between the spreads of harvest, towards his grandmother and held her in his embrace. She seemed so small in his arms, barely reaching his chest, but by the way she held him, the way she shook slightly against him, spoke so many things that they seemed to have refused to, for so long.

“Are you alright, Halmeoni?” Sung Gyu asked as he moved away.

“I wasn’t” The grandmother shook her head, but then a small, gleeful smile appeared on her face. She placed a trembling hand on his cheek. “Not until you came back. Welcome home, Sung Gyu-goonie”

*

Author's note

That didn't take long, I guess? But this had to come in two parts because the chapter is so long, I didn't want to drive y'all mad. Anyway, good news or bad news, I thought of limiting this story to a minimum of thirty (According to my chapter numbering) and maximum of thirty five, whichever goes. It was a nice journey but it dragged on for too long.

I will upload part two as soon as possible.

Loads of love,
Achini