*

Sung Gyu was born and raised in this small village, though he hadn’t much of a recollection of his younger days spent there. He was five when Jieun was born and his parents decided to move into the city. For four years, he grew up under the constant care and guidance of two pairs of parents and a whole lot of uncles and aunts. He didn’t remember much, except for the warm weather, the golden fields and the dogs they had back then. His grandmother, nonetheless, had a vivid memory of his younger days, dating back to the day he was born, and she first held him in her arms.

“He was this pink little creature, such a pretty one” She recalled, a fond smile on her lips as Sung Gyu bashfully hid behind his hands, unable to spare a glance at Eunji who looked duly mystified.

Five-year-old Sung Gyu was the exact opposite from the thirty-three-year-old version of him. He was much more energetic and fervent than he now was, diligently and even willingly taking part in hard labor of all sorts that his parents and grandparents were involved in. Every morning he woke up to the sound of Dojjeongie’s barks (Not the Dojjeongie his grandma raised now, of course. For some reason, she named all her pups the same name. It was a mystery that Sung Gyu had yet to resolve) minutes into dawn, wash up and help his grandmother with the breakfast preparations. There was only so much a child his age could do, of course, so most of the time he just sat in his pajamas, his bare feet soft and pink against the robust ground, eating fresh veggies and telling her about the dreams that he had had. Come afternoon, he’d be running through the green and golden fields, a hat too large for his tiny head and buried knee deep in the mud. There had been many occasions where his mother had had to sit him in a bath of warm salty water to get all the leeches off his soft baby skin, leaving angry, bloodied red spots behind. Though he’d be pained and upset for a couple of hours, that was fine, because little Sung Gyu loved all that adventure, he loved the breezy scent of the fields in the spring, harvesting with all the grownups in the summer, digging out nice, fat potatoes in the autumn and sleeping in his grandfather’s warm embrace when Christmas comes around. He was the village’s favorite kid, the Kim’s first grandson after a couple of grand daughters who grew up to be noonas babying Sung Gyu every occasion possible. He used to be everyone’s little sunshine, brightening their days with his boundless excitement, brilliant smiles and laughter, he was his grandparents little baby more than his own parents, he was everyone’s love.

But then, little Sung Gyu grew up into a man. Everything changed.

Sung Gyu now, thirty-three years old, jaded and exhausted of life stood in the very place he’d roamed as a child, his head nearly hitting the short roof of the small confines of his grandparent’s living room, looking down somberly at the loose pants he was forced into, a sharp sickle in hand.

Sung Gyu had thought his poor old grandmother was ill. He was all prepared to help her heal soon, help her around with house hold chores, maybe; or take her to the doctors and accompany her through treatments if he had to. What he wasn’t prepared for, was her usual scolding for his physical inabilities and being thrown first thing into the fields to harvest. Oh, and also to learn that she hadn’t fallen but had only hit her foot on some tool or whatever and broken a toenail.

A ing toenail.

The only reason why he didn’t express his sincere opinion on taking a miles long road trip across the country only for the purpose of harvesting due to a broken toenail was that she was old, and he thought he did have a sense of responsibility as a grandson, nothing more.

“You look good” Eunji commented once she was done twirling around in her ridiculous loose pants and expressing her strange fascination about them. Apparently, where she grew up, in the middle of city in Busan, not many people wore loose pants and harvested in the fields under the hot, scorching sun. Good for her, he thought begrudgingly, amused that she was ever so willing to partake in the suffering.

“What do you mean good?” Sung Gyu muttered and looked down at his feet. He felt like he was wearing a skirt with two legs. He didn’t remember what his five-year-old self felt about wearing such atrocious clothes; the grown up himself, of course, always hated them with passion. “I feel stupid” he said with a pout.

“Stupid isn’t something you feel, Sung Gyu Goon” Said his grandmother as she emerged from the bedroom, a dusty old straw hat in hand. “It’s something that you are” She leaned over on her tiptoes and unceremoniously dumped the hat on top of his head. “Now go, it’s getting late”

“I can do without the hat, thanks grandma” Sung Gyu said as he took it off, dusting his head off of whatever the germs it could have possibly carried and Sung Jae, in his loose pants glory approached him with glimmering doe eyes fixed on the hat in his hands. “Can I wear it, appa?”

“No, there are lice in it”

“Boss!” Eunji reprimanded when grandma threw a sideways glance from the front porch. She snatched the hat from Sung Gyu’s hand and placed it gingerly on Sung Jae’s tuft of dark hair. It was a little too big for him that it fell right above his eyes and he looked like a miniature Joseon era warrior that Sung Gyu couldn’t help spurting out a laughter.

“Look at little Sung Jae, a real hard worker, eh?” His grandmother said as she made her way back in with some sort of a straw basket in hand. She threw a rather condescending glance at his direction which sure went unnoticed by the clueless child as she fixed the hat on his head. “Don’t grow up to be like your lazy father”

“Grandma…” Sung Gyu pouted in response, but she only passed by without a word, hitting on his shoulder with the straw basket which erupted a nasty old reek. “Just get it done with” She said as she fixed her own hat and made her way towards the front porch. “And I’m not going to the field, I’m tired of feeding your lazy bums”

Sung Gyu fought the urge to tell her his swear jar phrase but refrained, and Sung Jae beat him to it, asking her; “What will you do then, great grandma?”

She offered him a warm smile, the exact smile Sung Gyu remembered from his younger days, early in the morning when he’d come to her, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He felt a tinge of nostalgia being ignited inside him, a flicker of sadness which remained in his heart for a very long time. “You and I, my little boy, are going to pick chilies”

As sad as it may sound, as it happened, it was only Sung Gyu who ended up knee deep in the fields, cropping the harvest under the hot sun, all on his own. He’d have thought Eunji would be kind enough to join him, but she immediately jumped into the opportunity when Grandma said that she needed someone to help Sung Jae with the chilies while she was busy with her own things. He’d have thought his grandma would help him out, not leaving his poor old soul to suffer under the sun on his own. She did accompany him, after she was done with ordering her only subordinate around to wash rice for lunch, but that was solely to boss him around with her loud and feisty orders; what she claimed to be supervising.

Sung Gyu could swear he hadn’t suffered so much in his entire lifetime.

The sun was scorching hot above him and though he wore a combination of sunglasses and a cap, it did little to help him against the heat. In case his sensitive skin would get blisters, he wore tights underneath his T-shirt, and now he felt increasingly as if he was in a burning pot. Drops of sweat rolled down his face, pooling at the base of his neck and dampening his clothes. He felt hot, sweaty and bothered; to top it off, he was getting an earful from his angered grandmother. Sung Gyu made a note to himself never to complain about his physical well being in front of an eighty something year old farming woman unless he wanted a complete lecture on what actual physical well-being was (at least in their opinion)

“Why can’t I just pick chilies grandma?” Sung Gyu groaned as he angrily tugged at a handful of paddy. “Or wash rice? Why can’t I do something normal?”

“This is normal you little brat” Yelled his grandmother from the steep of the road where she stood on the hot tarmac. “I do this everyday and I never have so much to complain!”

“That’s because-!” He started, straightening up, a bundle of crop in hand, but then he looked up at her, small and fragile, alone in the backdrop of the high-rising mountain tops and large stretches of paddy fields. She’s been here, doing this perhaps every single day of her life. What did he even have to complain? His life was so much easier than it was for her.

“Why’d you stop!” Yelled his grandmother, her voice so loud for her age, and Sung Gyu vigorously shook his head, a flicker of guilt rising inside him. “No, nothing” He muttered, and though every inch of his skin itched, every limb pained, he continued to harvest. Responsibility, he told himself with every handful of rice that he sickled. It was the least of what he could do for his frail old grandmother.

Lunch came a lot slower than he expected. The whole time, for about three hours straight with only a couple of short breaks for a cold drink, a face towel and an earful, yet again, for taking a break, Sung Gyu gathered the yield. While he was at it, he begrudgingly tuned out the boisterous laughter coming from the general direction of the chili field. He could only catch glimpses of them through the tall trees, laughing and conversing loudly as they mingled among them like tiny explorers deep into a monstrous trees and adventure. Enviously he tried his best to not spare a single glance at their direction, in an attempt make his own harvesting feat as enjoyable as possible. Try as he might, however, his attention kept rolling back to the two of them, desperately wanting to be a part of their universe.

Grandma had stormed a feast of a lunch, which seemed to be the only good thing about the trip so far. It’s been ages since he’d tasted her cooking, and hers was hands down the best he had ever tasted in his entire life. She had mastered the art of traditional culinary to the fullest; he remembered how he’d protected the Kimchi he’d gotten from her for months, having only a weeny bit of it for dinner. Seeing the whole lot that she had cooked for them, he suddenly felt ravenous, all the exhaustion from the field fliting away. All of that hard work suddenly seemed to have been well paid off.

“We will eat well!” Sung Gyu greeted as he threw the truest, most genuine smile he made since that morning at his grandmother. He felt immensely guilty about his endless complaints from that morning. He had even regretted coming there, and now he genuinely felt like ; she’s done so much in such a little time in hand, all for them.

“Eat all of it, ALL OF IT! I’ve already had lunch” She exclaimed from where she sat beside him.

“You did?” Sung Gyu threw her a look.

“Of course, I was too hungry!”

Eunji spluttered out in laughter and almost chocked herself. Grandma took a good look at her only then, scrutinizing her with narrowed eyes that she soon composed herself, giving her a polite bow. Grandma nodded back, her gaze not waning once, and she turned to Sung Gyu. “So why does the boy need a caretaker? He seems fine by himself”

Sung Gyu glanced at Eunji, who seemed rigid in her seat and continued to eat. “Because I have work, Grandma. He needs someone to look after him while I’m not around”

“You’re around now” Said the grandma.

“Not when I’m cutting paddy in the field” Sung Gyu returned.

Grandma cleared and looked over at her. “what did you say your name was, again?”

“Eunji, Jung Eunji, Halmeoni” She answered politely and Sung Jae sneakily dumped half of his rice onto hers.

“Eunji Jung Eunji, does Sung Gyu goon treat you well?”

Sung Gyu chocked and sputtered, the smack grandma gave on his back was rather heartless, but nobody seemed to take note of his discomfort. He was suffering in his coughing fit even as he answered in her stead. “Grandma, she’s-she’s only the baby sitter”

“Are you Jung Eunji?” Asked the grandma, Sung Gyu continued to cough and she still paid very little care.

“Yeah…I guess” Eunji finally replied. “He’s okay”

“Doesn’t sound like it” Grandma decided without a beat. “I knew he would be like this as soon as he went to the big city. What is he now? Police, is it? He used to be a good kid, really. A sweet little thing. Such a shame”

Eunji’s face was pink, holding back her laughter; she looked like she was about to burst in hysterics and Sung Gyu kept throwing warning looks at her. It was nothing new coming from his grandma. He remembered his father telling him how cross she’d been with them when his parents decided to move. It was soon after Jieun was born, and as a baby she was weak in health; she needed consistency, be in the vicinity of a quickly accessible hospital and constant care; it was something they couldn’t give while residing in a remote countryside. But little Sung Gyu had grown so attached to this place, his grandparents, his rather simple and blissful life that he had ardently refused to leave. The grandparents had wanted to keep him and raise him; perhaps to one day grow up and inherit all their land, but Sung Gyu’s parents never agreed. They wanted their child to grow up, get educated, be more than what they could ever be. There was no point in trying to explain all that to the village residents. Wealth, in their eyes was acres of land, good health and a good yield. Ever since they moved to the city, and especially since Sung Gyu moved to Seoul, his grandma had nothing but complaints.

“He’s not bad” Eunji supplied as if in rescue, and grandma soon averted her attention to the baby sitter, who smiled uncertainly and looked at Sung Gyu, who glowered in return. “He’s a good, hardworking dad, actually. He works all day long and still takes care of Sung Jae on his own. I’m just helping him, doing him a favor. Also, I’m being a good friend to Sung Jae”

A moment of silence passed, and for a while Sung Gyu felt genuinely grateful for Eunji otherwise he was entitled to another earful from his grandmother. It was obvious that she wasn’t entirely fond of him, or so he thought it was the case. He had conflicting feelings about how exactly she felt about him. One moment she was all over him, pampering him, feeding him, acting like she actually missed him. The next all she did was complaining and giving him condescending glances as if he had inherently done wrong all his life. As a child, Sung Gyu loved her and his grandfather immensely. Everything that his mother would say no to, it was them who gave the approval; they were just silly mundane things like going to the stream with his friends or to the market to grab some sweets, but still, he loved all that attention they gave him, he loved being a bigger part of that world; which changed as soon as he hit puberty before everyone else, his noonas became shy around him and drifted away and he remained only in his comfort zone. Sung Gyu thought the disdainful manner of treating him started only after he changed significantly with school stress hitting him and him refusing to visit them as often as he used it. There were occasions when his entire family came to stay in the village while he stayed back for studies, and like this, he certainly did dig a crevise between them. It was understandable, in their perspective, how they’ve started to see him. In other hand, though, it wasn’t fair because he really was trying, and he could fulfil the expectations of only so many people. It was his grandparents’ wishes that he couldn’t. It wasn’t his fault that they couldn’t understand what life truly was for him.

It was his grandmother who spoke first, but that was only to indicate that the conversation had been dropped. “Have some more fish, here” She said as she placed deboned fish meat in Sung Jae’s bowl of rice. Not a readable emotion was visible on her wrinkled face, and it was difficult to understand how she really felt at that moment; whether she still believed that Sung Gyu was her good-for-nothing grandson or someone who’s worthy of her attention. He didn’t question, though. He didn’t try to find out. If the way she placed a mountain of rice in his bowl explained anything, he kind of had an impression that she might still love him a lot.

In the end he did end up picking chilies with Sung Jae and Eunji, but it ended so soon. They couldn’t do so much as having fun in the chili patch, and both Sung Jae and Eunji had their own things to do (something about being lost in a chili maze) which he was not a part of and he was basically left alone with his self-loath. He thought it might have also because he was deep in his thoughts half of the time. Afterwards the three continued to the paddy field, Sung Jae, even in his boots, was knee deep in the mud but it was fine because he loved it. Sung Gyu taught Eunji how to gather the yield (she was tentatively plucking out the grains and gathering them in her hand when he had thought she knew how to do it; had grandma seen what she did, they’ll both be grotesquely murdered) while Sung Jae just walked around the field, enjoying the sensation of mud clinging onto his feet. Once Eunji got a hang of it, the two of them harvested as his grandmother supervised, while most of the talking she did included sharing embarrassing stories from his childhood. Sung Gyu was quiet and red faced the whole time while Eunji and Sung Jae doubled over in laughter, occasionally punching his arm, tousling his head and purposefully winding him up. It took a moment to realize that the three of them have somehow gathered a curious audience. Sung Gyu looked up, saw a couple of familiar faces and groaned. His embarrassing stories have been shared with almost half of the village, which he was still pretty sure have been already told a couple of times. Sung Gyu wasn’t sure if he had a good feeling about it.

The next break was a little longer as his grandma went into make some tea and he reconciled with all the older cousins he couldn’t meet for ages. Most, if not all, of his cousins were noonas, and he used to be their little baby brother. Sung Gyu, aged five, was forced to play their son or the servant or the cart pusher when they played as children, and then, growing older, in various stages of life, he’d played many roles for them; being the only boy for a long time had its perks. After he moved out, aged five, he hadn’t played with them as much as he used to but every time they visited the village, which was quite often, Sung Gyu was always imperiled to their treatment and be forced into their games. Things changed when he turned fourteen and stopped looking like a child but more like a man. They were pretty much back to normal when all the noonas accepted the fact that little boys grew into men too, and anyway they were joined by a new cousin who moved in from somewhere in Busan to live with his grandparents after his parents died. His name was Yong Hwa and was the same age as him; the fact that he looked quite older made things so much better. Also, they made quick friends.

The time with cousins and friends ended sooner, however, after his grandma came back barking at everyone to get back to work. Apparently slacking during work wasn’t something she really tolerated. The good thing was that Yong Hwa and two of his cousin Noonas, Ji-Young and Kyung-Ran joined them in the harvesting feat. With Sung Jae and Eunji too, the whole process became ten times enjoyable.

But of course, the embarrassing stories never ceased. Sung Gyu was amazed at the number of embarrassing things he’d done all his life.

“And one time, we went down to the stream, the six of us” Yong Hwa gestured at the ones present and some other imaginary beings “We went down to the stream and had a bath. After a while, you know what we found floating?”

“Yah! Yah!” Sung Gyu smacked the other with a stack of paddy, the loose grains flying about and the noonas, who certainly remembered the occasion, keeled in laughter.

“What did you find?” Eunji asked rather innocently and Sung Gyu groaned as he sunk down into the ground.

“His shorts” Yong Hwa deadpanned. “It was Ji-Young Noona who found it”

“I did, I did” Ji-Young agreed through her wheezing. “It was just floating there! Good times, really”

“How is my discomfort a good time for you?” Sung Gyu complained, his face heating up and everyone laughed, everyone except for Sung Jae who was watching the grown ups with contemplative eyes. “Why did appa take off his shorts?” He asked.

As the day progressed, however, the three cousins had to bid good bye. Yong Hwa had some gathering to do in his own chili farm, Ji-young Noona had to feed her baby and Kyung-Ran noona’s husband called her to go out shopping. The three of them, now exhausted by the amount of harvesting they did, sat on the steep of the road and quietly basked in the wind. The late afternoon sun shined vigorously above the golden field, and the village was so quiet that they could hear the sound of the rustling leaves. Occasionally a villager would pass by, most of them instantly recognizing Sung Gyu and greeting him with warm hugs and brilliant smiles. Grandma was out shopping with one of the village noonas, leaving them to deal with the rest of the crops but the weather was too nice to miss out on.

After a while, though, his phone shrilled in his pocket, which was on his short and he wore the loose pants over his shorts that it was quite a feat, retrieving it in a manner people won’t find odd. Eunji and Sung Jae found it a laughing matter, still. Once it was in his hands, he threw them a warning glance and walked away.

Once he was out of earshot, he looked at the display screen and frowned. It was Yoora.

“Yoora” He called the moment he picked up, but soon was greeted by a static sound coming from the other end. The region had bad signal and it was not surprising. Through the endless crackling, he could faintly make out her voice. “Are you in Jeonju?” She was asking him.

“Uh, yeah” He said, distractedly looking behind, glancing at the two who were still sitting under the warm sun, lost in their own worlds.

What he heard next was something along the line of “Have you been there for long?”

“Couple of hours” He replied, walking further away until the static sound cleared off to a certain extent, and he could hear her clearer. “Why, what’s up?” He asked her.

“Nothing…just” She hesitated for a moment, the kind of silence he hated followed, the silence which never meant anything good.

“I’m here in Jeonju” There it was. Sung Gyu felt his blood running cold.

“Jeonju? What do you mean?”

“I came to Jeonju” She reiterated. “You said your grandma was sick, and since you were tired and all, I thought I could come and help”

For a long moment, Sung Gyu just silently stood there, unable to fathom what he should do next.

“Sung Gyu?” She called, and he let out a sigh, dragging a hand down his face in frustration. Of all the things she could do, of all the places she could be. Hearing of her arrival immediately brought a dark cloud, a storm into their well-spent escapade. Sung Gyu only wanted a weekend away from everything that held him down in his life, he only wanted a moment of freedom, away from everything, everyone. But instead, the very women he wanted to avoid were now both a part of his escapade, trapping him there, weighing him down. He felt his patience slowly flittering away. “Yeah…” He replied tiredly.

“Are you okay? You sound-,”

“Yeah, I’m fine…just-,” he took his cap off, his damp hair struck in all the odd angles and he ran a hand through it. “Yoora, where exactly are you?”

“That’s…the thing” She drawled thoughtfully, and it only made his frustration grow a tenfold. “I think I’m in the main city, that’s what the GPS say”

“Do you want me to come to the city? We can talk over coffee-,”

“But I came to stay and help” Yoora pushed on. “I took a leave from work, I thought this might be a good time for us to bond”

“What?” He refrained from letting out a groan of irritation. “Yoora, this is…are you sure you can stay? I don’t think…” It was odd to even imagine someone so rich and glamorous in an old farm house in all her expensive clothes, make up, swishy hair and glory, but what which troubled him more was introducing her to his grandmother. She already had a bad impression on him, it’s been there, though not obvious in front of Sung Jae, for having had a child before marriage. They have lived in a traditional, conservative environment where single parenting and girlfriends wasn’t conceptualized. If anyone else in the village found out, all he had been for them for the past years will simply go down the drain.

“You…you don’t want me there, do you?” Yoora replied slowly. She let out a loud, heavy sigh and muttered under her breath; “Jesus”

Sung Gyu pushed his hand through his hair once more and let it rest there, his fingers clutching his head. “No, Yoora, it’s not-,”

“And I came all the way here, I can’t believe-,”

“Yoora, listen”

“Fine, fine, anyway it’s my fault that I never told you”

Sung Gyu let out the groan that he’d been holding in the whole time. “Yoora-,”

“Sung Gyu, all I wanted was to help, you could have been nicer-,”

“Eunji is here” Sung Gyu exclaimed in the end and stomped a circle around him. “She came with Sung Jae, okay? Sung Jae wanted her to”

He didn’t mention the bit where he too wanted her to, but the very fact of her being there was enough to tick her off. “What?”

“She’s here” Sung Gyu said, “So I’m afraid-,”

“Who the does she think she is? I’m Sung Jae’s mother, I’m your girlfriend, Sung Gyu. You should have invited me whether you liked it or not, and Sung Jae should be with me whether he liked it or not, that’s how it works!”

“Well I didn’t invite her, okay? I didn’t invite anyone! All I wanted was to-,” He stopped, refraining himself from telling her the truth, admitting that he didn’t, indeed want her there. He could have told her, of course. He could have sent her all the way back to Seoul. But that would only ignite further problems and Sung Gyu knew better not to pick a fight with Yoora at any cost.

“You wanted what, Sung Gyu?”

“Just-just…where are you, Yoora?”

A crackle, a silent curse, and she replied; “In the city. Please tell me where to come”

Sung Gyu let out a heavy and leaned against a wall nearby. The sun was still brilliant above him, paddy dancing slowly in the wind. Further on the empty road he could see two small figures, now running around chasing each other, their muddy boots leaving traces of their adventures behind. He could hear their laughter, their smiles brighter than the sunny fields. He closed his eyes, composing himself to bravely face whatever would come after. At that moment, he was helpless. Stuck in the crossroads in life, lost and wandering, heading off in every direction and unable to figure out where the destination of his life might be; he yielded to her, because it was the only way it made sense, no matter how much his heart protested, no matter how much he wanted for a beautiful day to last longer.

“Okay…” Sung Gyu finally replied.

*

The day was perfect. Her first time in Jeonju, in a field, in a country side, mingling with the villagers, working and laughing and hearing tales which she never imagined she’d her about the man she loved; there was no way that she could be happier than she now was. And with Sung Jae by her side, it was ten times better than she imagined.

It's been a couple of hours since they arrived, and she was still in her printed loose pants after having worked in the fields for the last few hours. They’ve collected chili and gathered from the paddy field. At the moment she was in the neighboring house with Sung Gyu’s old friend and distant cousin Yong Hwa, helping him to clean the dried chilies. Though sitting on a short stool on the rough sandy ground wasn’t exactly comfortable, she didn’t mind. Sung Gyu’s left to the town, leaving his car behind and without saying much so she imagined it to be something to do with family, so she didn’t bother asking. She’d been walking down the empty road, looking around the village when Yong Hwa invited them over. He was a nice guy. A bit odd, but he was nice. They’ve been talking about varied topics for the past few minutes, most of it involving more of embarrassing childhood stories that had both Eunji and Sung Jae on the floor, laughing.

“I can’t believe he never told us that!” Eunji exclaimed, pressing a hand to her heart in astonishment. She had just heard the secret behind Sung Gyu’s passionate hate towards dogs, though he’d basically lived with one since birth for five years. “So it was the-the-,”

“Left buttock” Yong Hwa grinned. “Grandma was pretty mad, not at the dog because she’s obsessed of Dojjeongie. She was mad at Sung Gyu for irritating the dog”

Sung Jae curiously looked up from the chili he was picking on, paying careful attention to the story.

“Dojjeongie? Then the dog must be pretty old” Eunji said

Yong Hwa tossed the chili in his hand to the bowl and shook his head. “Nope. A different one. For some reason, grandma named all the dogs Dojjeongie”

That had her laughing and almost rolling on the floor. She had nearly fallen off the stool a couple of times, laughing. Yong Hwa was a funny guy, completely different from Sung Gyu who seemed irritated all the time. But hearing from Yong Hwa, Sung Gyu’s been the funniest of them both. He said that Sung Gyu didn’t even have to try, that whatever he did had everyone rolling on the floor. Child rearing had changed a lot of things about him, it seemed. It was a shame that his funny buds have been nipped off through time.

The two of them went quiet after Sung Jae noticed a cat and took off after her. Eunji watched as he sat on the sandy ground, petting the fat, yellow cat who was rolling around, purring and enjoying the child’s company. A small smile was grazing her lips at how content Sung Jae seemed, even as he did something so mundane as petting a cat.

“So,” Yong Hwa asked suddenly, and she immediately ripped her gaze away from the boy.

“Hm?”

“you and Sung Gyu…” He asked and met her eyes. “Are you two…?” he left the question hovering in the air, and Eunji vigorously shook her head. “Oh no, no. I’m just the baby sitter. We’re friends…like, my brother is his best friend, so”

“Best friend?” Yong Hwa asked, his eyebrows raised so high that they almost reached his hairline. “I thought I was his best friend”

“Well, maybe he has a lot of best friends” Eunji said with an uneasy smile.

“Hmm” Yong Hwa nodded with a pout, staring at her for a prolonged moment, and then he smiled. “Well, in that case…you know, me and noonas are meeting for a chat in the evening. Would you like to join?”

Eunji laughed, throwing her head back and he stared at her with widened eyes, amused. “What? Are you perhaps, asking me out, Yong Hwa-Ssi?”

“Maybe?” he gave her a Cheshire grin.

“What about your cousin?”

“Who? Sung Gyu?” Yong Hwa laughed. “Well, he can come on his own accord, I mean, if he wanted to…but I’m asking you because there’s nothing wrong with taking a pretty lady for a drink?”

Eunji smiled at him, feeling a little giddy by the way he looked at her, she thought of Sung Gyu and Howon and everything else, she looked at Yong Hwa, at his easy smile and decided that there was nothing wrong with having a drink with a nice man either. “Okay” She gave him a nod. “I’ll come”

“Great!” Yong Hwa chuckled as he moved away. “Well, on that note, we’ve got to get these chilies soaked, Eunji-Ssi” He picked up the bowl of cleaned chilies and climbed up on his feet.

“I’ll help!” Eunji followed, getting up on her feet as well. Sung Jae came to them, carrying a kitten which seemed to have appeared from nowhere. “Baby sitter, look!”

“Sung Jae, are you sure he’s clean?” Eunji asked him, concerned as Yong Hwa walked ahead of them. He stopped, turned around and gave her a smile. “Oh, that’s Kkong, he’s okay”

The way he looked down at her, his gaze warm and smoldering, gave a funny feelin in her heart.

The two of them were on the front porch, soaking the chilies in a bowl when a familiar car pulled in and stopped a few feet away from Sung Gyu’s grandma’s place. Eunji perked up, not exactly recognizing the car but a strange, unfomfotable feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. The shiny white exterior of it, the way it glimmered under the sun seemed to speak volumes. Yong Hwa too, looked up, gawking at the unexpected visitor, but then Sung Jae said, from where he sat on the porch, the cat in his lap; “Oh! Is that mum’s car?”

That had Eunji’s guts twisting inside her. That answered her questions. And then, as if on cue, the passenger door opened, and Sung Gyu with a blank face, his hair poking out from the back of his cap, stepped out; followed by the driver’s seat from where, as expected, a glimpse of elegant dark hair danced in the wind.

“Whoah, who’s that?” Yong Hwa breathed out, and she felt a tinge of envy inside her. Yoora was so beautiful. She always had everyone’s heads turn. The way she carried herself, as if she was the most important, the most glamorous person in the universe always had the women around her weighing themselves down with all their insecurities; and right at that moment, she felt as if all the men who’s seen her and thought she was beautiful, including Yong Hwa who had just asked her out, wouldn’t see her the same any longer.

“That’s my mum” Sung Jae said in a bored tone, still storking the cat’s small ears. Eunji watched them enviously as Yoora looked around, her pale skin and dark hair standing out vigorously in the dull setting of the village. Sung Gyu just stood there, like a block, as if he was questioning whether to go in or not. After a while, he seemed o make up his mind. He uncrossed his folded arms, approached the other and led her into the garden with a hand pressed on the small of her back.

“Your mum, as in…?” Yong Hwa asked the child, who shrugged unenthusiastically and remained quiet. “But he never said he got married”

“He isn’t” Eunji said before she could stop herself. She didn’t feel the calm, the tranquility and the contentment from before any longer; it was as if just the very presence of Yoora had drained her of all her happiness. It was obvious it had affected Sung Jae too. But at this point, in her place, she was hopeless. She had no choice. She avoided Yong Hwa’s concerned gaze as she turned to the child. “Sung Jae-ah…we should go”

Sung Jae’s hand halted on the cat, and his face twisted into a scowl. “Can’t we just stay here?”

“You know we can’t”

After a moment, as if he finally understood his position, Sung Jae pursed his lips to a thin line and placed the kitten gently on the front porch. He stood up, and when he approached her, he was hard on his steps, as if he was being dragged to the guillotine.

“Are you…okay?” Yong Hwa asked, and she wasn’t certain whom the question was directed to. Assuming it was her, she looked up and gave him a kind smile, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “It was nice talking to you, Yong Hwa-Ssi…”

He stared at her for a couple of seconds, and nodded. “Yea, you two, Eunji-Ssi”

Eunji nodded, took Sung Jae’s hand and made it towards the road, heading to the house next door, but Yong Hwa’s voice calling her stopped them.

“Will you go with me tonight?” He asked her. And she tried to give him a genuine smile. “I’ll try” she replied.

*

Grandma had only returned from her shopping spree and was now arranging the grocery in the old cabinets when Sung Gyu slowly made it into the kitchen. He was terrified; of what, he was uncertain. He had just earned his place as her grandson after having been drifted away from her for far too long, and he was well aware of the kind of a person she saw him as. Shifty, unreliable, irresponsible; he didn’t know how else he’s being viewed in her mind, and to have come to her with yet another woman, Sung Gyu was certain that the hate would only intensify.

But on the other hand, Sung Gyu had no choice. She’d told him herself, and Sung Gyu had nothing to argue there because she was right, Sung Gyu had chosen it, or even if he didn’t, he probably had no choice there either because Yoora was Sung Jae’s mother whether they liked it or not.

So he gathered his bearings and prepared himself for the worst. What bothered him the most was that his grandmother wouldn’t say anything. She’d look, she’d glare, she’d judge but never say a word, leaving him in the dark, worrying about what could possibly be running in her mind, whether he did wrong or where he went wrong. And she’d ignore him, despise him. Remembering that she used to love him so much, it truly hurt.

Sung Gyu stood in the doorway to her small kitchen, a dismal affair with old, glass paneled pantries which he vaguely remembered to have been installed back when his grandfather was still alive. On the stove a large pot was bubbling away; and boxes and boxes of Kimchi were stacked up on a side. She hurriedly retrieved grocery from the basket and systematically placed them on the counter, and he watched her quietly for a moment, leaning against the frame of the door.

“If you’re going to just stand there, you might as well help me out a bit” Said grandma all of a sudden, not sparing a glance at him. He was not surprised. In fact, he probably was expecting it because he’d known his grandmother long enough to know that she sometimes showed prospects of having superhuman tendencies.

Sung Gyu uncrossed his arms and made his way into the kitchen. Grandma handed him a stack of soft tofu, which he wordlessly carried to the old fridge, opened it, winced and gingerly placed it in the only available space inside.

“Where are the children?” grandma asked him, still not paying much attention.

“They’re just…somewhere” Sung Gyu muttered dismissively, growing tensed as the minutes passed. Yoora was out in the living room, uncomfortably sitting on a futon, looking odd and out of place in a room so dull and small. She didn’t appear to be enjoying the trip as much as she had hoped; regardless Sung Gyu had to hand it to her, she made an effort to be there.

Grandma hummed in response and turned up the tap, the water gushing out in such a pressure that it sprayed all over in the kitchen, which she didn’t seem to have noticed. Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh, reached over and turned down the tap a bit, and grandma simply continued to wash the vegetables. It didn’t seem exactly like the time for big revelations, but the revelation he had to make wasn’t entirely the kind that he could possibly hide away. So he took the opportunity and leaned against the counter, tugging at a stray cabbage leaf.

“Grandma?” He called.

“Hm”

“I have to tell you something”

She didn’t look up but continued to rub at the stiff white leaves. “What did you do this time?”

“It’s not…” he hesitated and took a deep breath. “…something I did. It’s…. there’s someone I want you to meet”

Only then did she look up, her face impassive but something unrecognizable flicked across her face, something close to curiosity, which soon filtered away. Sung Gyu quietly leaned back and looked into the living room, gesturing at Yoora who climbed up on her feet and timidly made her way into the kitchen, her bare feet an odd contrast to the old, dirtied tiles. Grandma stared at her inquisitively, scrutinizing her with a long, penetrative gaze. “Grandma, this is Im Yoora. She’s…Sung Jae’s mother”

Yoora bowed at her politely, a soft smile gracing her elegant features; she looked exquisite, as if she didn’t belong there. Not in a darkened confine of a kitchen, not in a small-town house, not in a remote village, not with him. It was evident that Grandma too, was seeing the oddity of it all but refrained commenting on it. She just hummed and turned back to the sink, an expected response from her. As unsurprised as he was, he had to admit, it hurt when he was being ignored. “She’s here to see you, actually, because she heard you were unwell”

“Are you alright, grandma?” Yoora asked her politely in response.

Grandma was still quiet, aggressively rubbing at the cabbages. After a while during which they waited expectantly, she spared a briefest glance in their direction and said; “Good that we have an extra hand”

Sung Gyu nodded stiffly and cleared his throat. “She would also like to stay the weekend, grandma”

“You take care of that” Grandma responded heartlessly before she turned to look at Yoora with the same judgmental gaze. “We don’t have comfortable beds here”

Sung Gyu shut his eyes tight, taking in a deep breath. He knew she wasn’t going to take it well, but what he didn’t expect was her to be continuously rude and cross at him. He could imagine what would come afterwards; problems, questions, complains. He wasn’t sure if he could take it anymore. So much for the plans of spending a relaxed weekend. As it appeared to him, now, his problems only have increased by a tenfold.

“It will be fine, grandma” Yoora replied, but it was obvious that she was on the edge of her patience. She wasn’t the kind to easily tolerate things, and nor was she easy to handle when she’d lose her patience as well. The last thing he needed right now was the two of them throwing insults at one another and him getting hurt in the process. So he took Yoora by her arm and gave her a small smile which didn’t quite mean anything. “Why don’t you settle in, Yoora? Sung Jae will come around soon”

“Okay” She shrugged blankly as he led her out of the kitchen. He left her to her bearings as soon as she stepped out of the house to retrieve her things from the car, and while she was at it, Sung Gyu composed himself, took a few deep breaths and went back into the kitchen where Grandma was now rinsing chives. Sung Gyu quietly slithered inside and sat on a short stool, staring at her feet as Grandma moved around the kitchen, all prepared to hear whatever she had to say.

“She’s the one who left” was the first thing she told him. “What is she doing here, Sung Gyu Goon?”

He sighed, already having expected the question. “She wanted to see her son”

“She obviously had seen him” Said grandma. “It appears to me it isn’t her purpose”

“What do you mean?” Sung Gyu looked up tiredly.

“You should know better, it’s time that you think like a man” Grandma dumped a handful of rinsed chives into a basket. Then she turned around to give him a concentrated look. “The other girl…what’s her name? Well, she is a good one. But this mother…take it from me, Sung Gyu goon, I can look at a woman’s hand and say if she’s a mother or not”

“But…” Sung Gyu started in a small voice. “Grandma, Yoora is Sung Jae’s mother, and I don’t think-,”

“Just because one gave birth doesn’t make a mother of her, Sung Gyu Goonie” Grandma interjected with a knowing look. Sung Gyu silenced at that, suddenly feeling a strong twisting feeling in his guts. He wanted to argue, he wanted to say that whatever she was implying was not right, but he couldn’t, because deep inside, he knew too, that no matter how perfect the whole arrangement seemed, it wasn’t perfect at all.

“Anyway, now that we have more hands, why don’t you dig the ground for the radish?” Grandma told him, instantly dropping the conversation.

Sung Gyu went out into the garden afterwards, only to see Eunji dejectedly sitting alone on the front porch as Yoora animatedly talked to Sung Jae who looked as enthusiastic as a block of wood. It was strange, but the entire occasion seemed as if a dark, stormy cloud had rolled into their once bright day. Sung Gyu contemplated approaching Yoora and their son, and bond, like she’d told him, as a family. But then he looked at Eunji, at the blank expression on her face and decided against it. Bonding with family was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Grandma’s words were a slap across his face, and the way Sung Jae acted was a wakeup call. He wasn’t sure if whom and what he was in love with the first place; whether it was Yoora, or the hopes of an ordinary family and a mother for Sung Jae that she brought along with her. He had thought that her return would change a lot of things. But now it was certain that it definitely hadn’t for the best. The only hope he had now was that she would understand, and like she put an effort to blend in and be a part of his life, she would put an effort to become a mother that Sung Jae truly deserved.

Sung Gyu leaned against a pillar on the front porch, his eyes narrowed at the two in the garden; Yoora retrieving her bags from the car and Sung Jae trying to help her by stacking them on the ground. By appearance, they looked like a happy mother and a son, but was it truly the case? Did Sung Jae really see her as a mother? Grandma’s words hit him hard like a thunderstorm. Does the simple fact that she gave birth to him make her a mother? All Sung Gyu could hope was for Yoora to take an incentive to build a bond between her and her son, taking motherhood with its exact gravity; otherwise there was no way that this arrangement could work out.

“Why is she here?” Eunji’s voice floated in through the silence around them, and Sung Gyu ripped his gaze away, focusing it on her. Eunji was gazing far ahead, her hands resting on her folded knees, looking dark and somber.

“She wanted to see grandma and spend some time with Sung Jae” Sung Gyu replied. He knew that the direction Sung Jae and Yoora’s relationship was going wasn’t the best, but still he refrained from divulging his predicament to Eunji, solely because he had to keep her far away from his personal life; getting her too involved would only hurt her, and he would naturally begin to search for comfort in her, which would only worsen the situation. She deserved better, she didn’t have to be a part of the mess that his life was, regardless of the fact that he loved her or not. Or maybe because he loved her, he honestly believed that she deserved better.

“Sung Jae doesn’t like her” Eunji answered simply. “He doesn’t want her here”

Sung Gyu knew that she would always take the child’s side. Eunji was like that. Kind, compassionate, and Sung Jae was possibly the next most important person in her life. That too, he believed, soon had to change because otherwise, if it continued, Sung Jae would never begin to see her real mother as family as long as Eunji remained a mother-figure in his mind.

“Well, he would have to learn to like her” Sung Gyu replied. “Besides, Yoora is really putting an effort. He’s just not used to having a mother, that’s it”

Eunji was quiet for a moment, and they both silently watched as the mother and the child made their way towards them, Sung Jae’s face still blank and impassive even though he appeared to pay attention to his mother.

“If you say so” Eunji replied in the end and climbed up on her feet. “Anyway, I’m going to finish up with the paddy”

He wordlessly watched her as she moved away from him and passed by the others, Eunji a beautiful contrast to all the glamour that Yoora carried with herself, and it almost proved to him, which one made his heart beat faster.

*

The afternoon slowly turned into evening, the once golden sunlight now a warm shade of orange, grey and lavender in the western sky. Their work in the farms wasn’t over yet. Eunji and Sung Jae sat on the grass, sorting out the veggies as she grudgingly watched Sung Gyu digging the loose ground for the radish, Yoora sitting there doing basically nothing despite her shiny red, plastic boots, gloved hands and some designer hat atop her head. She looked like one of those conceited high-school girls with rich parents that you find in dramas while Eunji, well, she was pretty sure she harbored the likes of a slave, or a servant, if she tried harder. She looked like Yoora and Sung Gyu’s poor, underpaid and neglected servant, Sung Jae their equally neglected and unloved child. The whole thing was simply ridiculous.

“Did you tell me something?” Sung Jae’s voice floated into her conscious, interrupting her ill contemplations of the benefits of pouring vegetable soaked water on someone’s head. Sung Jae’s small hands were muddy with all the vegetables he had washed, his hair stuck to his face with sweat. He was working twice as hard as Yoora who hadn’t a spec of mud on her expensive plastic gloves. As it appeared to her, all she did, sitting there was flirting with Sung Gyu as he dug the ground and occasionally touching his hands or head, which he didn’t even seem to mind.

“No” Eunji sighed and turned to the child. “How is it going there?” They’ve been given the recent harvest to be washed, though it was a job which could have been done in grandma’s house, the two of them were sent to the field because she wanted them out of the vicinity of her personal place. Which was fine, because grandma couldn’t tolerate their loudness, but then again, Eunji couldn’t tolerate Yoora and Sung Gyu being openly, outrageously flirty either.

“This is the last onion” Sung Jae grunted, rinsed it in cold water and dumped it in with the rest of the washed, soil free vegetables. He looked up at her and smiled, one so starkly similar to his father’s and Eunji felt her patience beginning to slip. “Done!”

“You want to go in and get your hands washed?” Eunji asked him.

Sung Jae nodded. “I want to have a bath, and sleep”

Eunji washed the crusting mud off her hands, giving the child a concerned look. “Well, you can’t sleep before dinner”

“Okay” Sung Jae pouted and stood up. “I can go alone”

“No, wait, I’m coming” Eunji stood up, leaving the vegies and the basins of dirtied water behind. “Let’s tell your father or he’d worry”

When they approached Sung Gyu, who was busy raking the soil, Yoora was sitting on the ground, on a piece of old newspaper, clicking away on her phone. Eunji rolled her eyes at the typical, in-the-books diva and informed him that she and Sung Jae were going inside.

“You’re done?” Sung Gyu stood up, grunting and rested a hand on his waist. He looked tired, skin damp and red after all the hard work.

“Yeah, and Sung Jae would like to have a bath”

Sung Jae nodded in agreement.

“Why, do you smell?” Sung Gyu reached out and pulled the child towards him, who flailed his limbs around hysterically as his father tried to take a sniff. “You stink” Sung Gyu said, snuffling like a rodent and Sung Jae pulled away, laughing. The smile Sung Gyu gave at that moment made Eunji regret discarding the idea of pouring the basin of dirty water on Yoora’s head. “Go on, then, your mum and I will come in after we’re done”

“Okay”” Eunji nodded, taking Sung Jae’s hand. “Then-,”

“Oh! Actually…” Yoora interjected in her sweet, silken voice and struggled up on her feet, avoiding having to touch the ground even with her gloved hands. “I’m kind of tired after the drive…I’ll bring him back home”

Eunji’s smile fell the very instance. All things considered, it was simply a very bad idea in her mind.

But Sung Gyu seemed to be convinced otherwise. “Oh, that would be great”

Yoora smiled smugly, twisting around as if she were a high school girl whose crush approved of her completely outrageous idea. “Come on, Sung Jae-ah” She held out an extended hand towards the child, and Sung Jae’s face too, immediately took up that usual impassive expression which he always delivered when he’s forced into her presence. It was sad that the child had absolutely no choice in this debacle, nd that had Eunji no say in it. She wanted to rescue him from her mad clutches, tell him that he didn’t have to force himself to love a mother who probably didn’t love him as much as she tried to express. She wanted to stop him from becoming a victim of their parents’ silly mistakes. But no, she couldn’t, because no matter how much she tried, Eunji would forever remain an outsider, a quiet spectator of their messed-up life.

She watched as Yoora dragged the child further and further away from them; she didn’t even think about how Sung Gyu seemed completely unperturbed. When she looked at him, though, she knew that she had been wrong. He did look worried, if him glancing at their direction every once in a while, didn’t speak volumes. There was a constant frown on his brows which didn’t cease for a while, although he’s certainly trying hard not to let it show. After a while, he straightened up and held the shovel towards her. “I’m sorry, Eunji, but can you take up for a moment?” He asked her. Eunji took a good look at him; he looked exhausted, and it was obvious that he had been thrown into a place worse than he had left behind in Seoul completely against his will.

“Sure boss” She said, took the tool and began to dig. Sung Gyu moved behind her, relocating himself onto the newspaper sheet that Yoora had left behind and let out a sigh. The silence, at that moment was deafening, and she remembered from that time when Sung Gyu had thought they were being awkward. And it was the truth. It was almost as if there was not a single silent moment between them before Yoora came into their life, and somehow, at least in the moments only the two of them were there, she wanted it to be the same.

“Tired?” Eunji asked the other as she continued to loosen the soil.

“Exhausted” Sung Gyu groaned from behind her, stretching out his feet. “I didn’t expect this, coming back home, to be honest”

Eunji smiled at how easily the word ‘home’ slipped from his lips. “What did you expect, then?”

He hummed softly in contemplation. “I thought grandma was sick, so definitely not a broken toenail”

They both laughed at that, and from above them she could hear a flock of birds sing as they returned to their homes for the evening.

“Well, maybe I did expect something along the line of this” Sung Gyu admitted afterwards. “I mean, this was pretty much my life, back then; until I was around…fourteen, I think? But it was a lot different. I didn’t dig those grounds all by myself. We are all over the place, doing things in this time of the day”

“Hard to believe” Eunji commented on his reminiscence and turned to face him to give him a smile. “I mean, you actually moved your lazy bum”

Sung Gyu chuckled darkly and kicked a lump of soil which went flying. “I am still young and fit, for your information Miss Jung”

“I won’t argue with that” Eunji returned, grinning. “So that must be why you ran across the village when Dojjeongie bit you buttock-left buttock, to be exact”

“What?” Sung Gyu exclaimed and climbed up on his feet. “Who told you that-? Wait, you met that Yong Hwa, didn’t you?”

“Money to the swear jar” Eunji sang as she dragged the tool across the loose dirt, making patterns on the ground. “Anyway, he’s a nice guy. We chatted over some chilies, actually”

“Oh yeah?” Sung Gyu asked, sounding interested. He moved towards her and took the shovel from her, which she wordlessly handed over but remained on the field so that he wouldn’t be by himself. “So, what did you talk about?” He started to dig.

“You, mostly” Eunji sincerely replied. “A couple of other things…and also, he asked me to join him for a drink tonight”

Sung Gyu stopped digging and straightened up to look at her, his eyes widened, and lips twisted into a smirk. “Heol, he’s ridiculous, he asked you out?”

“I guess?” Eunji’s replied timidly, her cheeks turning red. “And I said yes because surely he was just trying to make friends with his cousin’s baby sitter”

Sung Gyu spluttered and shook his head in disbelief. “So that’s how it is, eh?”

“Maybe” Eunji smiled.

He dug away quietly for a moment, afterwards, and as if it suddenly occurred to him; “He used to go out with a village Noona back then” He said, looked up and gave her a knowing look. “She was ten years older”

Eunji rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he knows I’m younger” She replied. “And you’re just being a spoil sport”

“I’m not, and-oh, wait, there’s some dirt on your face” He said, gesturing at her.

“Where?” She dusted her cheek and examined her hand which was dirt free.

“No not there, over here” Sung Gyu signaled vaguely at her face, and Eunji just patted all over, obviously missing the one spot. Sung Gyu sighed, reaching over to her as he mumbled something along the line of ‘So clumsy’ under his breath, and slowly, his warm hand dusted away on her, a touch which soon morphed into a slow on the cheek. Eunji felt her breathing hitch. And he was there, so close to her, the evening sun in his eyes, ever so breathtaking. His gaze was fixed on her face, and almost too soon, his hand moved away, and he returned to his digging.

Eunji, however, was left, mystified.

She could swear there was something between them, at that moment, when they stood under the shimmering twilight, a magical exchange, something she couldn’t exactly pinpoint. It was just like that time from the day of his birthday, when he held her just about unconsciously, a moment during which he looked almost mesmerized, and the very thought put her heart into a frenzy. In was the point where their exchange ended for good, and Sung Gyu didn’t even bother to pick up from where they stopped. Eunji awkwardly drifted away from him to do away with the vegetables that was left behind earlier. She discarded the dirt-infected water, piled up the washed veggies in the basket and busied herself doing mundane things until Sung Gyu was done with the shoveling. It didn’t take long, much for Eunji’s relief. With the tools in his hands, he made his way towards her, serving her with a warm smile as if the incident from before never even happened.

And Eunji would rather forget that it did, as well.

“Done?” She asked him, picking herself up from where she was sitting on. The sun was setting by that time, the sky almost completely a shade of ochre, lavender and dull grey. Far ahead up on the road she could see the villagers heading off to their respected homes. “Yeah…” Sung Gyu nodded, lifting the tools in his hands in demonstration. “Hopefully my work ends here for the day”

Eunji smiled in response. “Unless Grandma decided she needed a hand with dinner maybe?”

Sung Gyu was unimpressed by her lame attempt of a joke and rolled his eyes before he walked ahead. “You do that, I’m tired” He said grumpily, and Eunji chuckled and shook her head, amused at the way he walked away. The two of them made it back to grandma’s house, and while Sung Gyu carried all the tools to the shed, Eunji manhandled the baskets of vegetables into the kitchen, where Grandma was already cooking away a storm, as expected. What was odd, however, was that she looked ten times as gloomier as before. She’d have thought it had something to do with Yoora’s arrival, but something about her expression, the quietness of the house, the very atmosphere the occasion was giving away seemed to speak volumes. Eunji smelled trouble.

“Grandma, where’s Sung Jae?” she asked her.

Grandma, as always, was quiet for a minute, but then she dropped the knife she held and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel aggressively. “He’s with his mother” She mumbled, but something about that didn’t sound right.

“Did he bath and go to sleep?” Eunji prodded on.

Grandma tossed the towel aside and looked away. “How would I know?”

And that did it. She rushed her way through the kitchen into the house, and then she found him, Sung Jae, sitting in a corner of the living room, still in his dirty, muddy clothes, upset and completely silenced. Eunji’s heart fell a million miles through the floor. “Sung Jae?” She called the child softly, and the moment he saw her, his face crumpled like a petal in the fall. Eunji rushed towards him and held his face in her hands, worried in a way that words couldn’t describe, and angry, livid at herself for letting him go with a woman who could never be trusted with a child.

“Sung Jae, what happened?” She asked him, cupping his face in both her hands, and he only shook his head tiredly, the gloom had only worsened, as if he was tired of everything but holding back his tears. Eunji didn’t know what happened, she didn’t know what scared him, what made him upset. All that she knew was that she made a great mistake, trusting Yoora, trusting Sung Gyu and letting him go out of her sight.

“Sung Jae?” Sung Gyu’s voice came from the doorway, and soon he rushed to their side. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know” Eunji mumbled, gently the child’s soft hair. “He hasn’t cleaned up and grandma is upset”

“Where’s Yoora?”

“Don’t know”

“Sung Jae-ah” Sung Gyu called gently, pulling his son to his side, and Sung Jae easily gave in. “What happened?”

“Nothing” Sung Jae muttered, although his sudden change of moods to the worse seemed to imply otherwise.

“Where’s your mother?” Sung Gyu asked him, and the very use of the word ‘mother’, how improper it sounded in her ears made her furious.

“I don’t know” Sung Jae shrugged, literally dropping after a long, tiring day. “Shower, I think”

Eunji felt her blood boiling in rage. And no, she wasn’t mad at Yoora because nothing could change the fact that Yoora was the woman who got a class teacher to help her kidnap a child, she was the woman who abandoned a child and manipulated the frail hearted father for eight years. She gave nobody any reason to trust her, especially not with a child. Eunji was mad at Sung Gyu for assuming that leaving Sung Jae alone with her would somehow change her attitude towards him, she was mad at her for blindly trusting his judgement and giving it.

“Shower?” Eunji exclaimed, her voice echoing in the silence of the small room and looked down at his dirty clothes and streaks of sweat on his face. “She left you tired and sweaty to go have a shower?”

Sung Jae didn’t say anything as he stared at Eunji with hopeful eyes. They seemed to say everything he refused to say in words; hopes that she would save him, searching for that simple promise from her to always stay by her side, be the mother that he really, truly wanted. “I want to sleep…” Sung Jae drawled softly, and that was enough for Eunji’s patience and good reasoning to fly out the window. If she ever got her hands on her, she’d know what she could do to her.

“This is ridiculous” Eunji said, climbing up on her feet. Sung Gyu was quiet the whole time, and it irked her in a manner she couldn’t explain. It was almost as if he didn’t care what Sung Jae thought and had to go through as long as he had his real mother, as if Sung Jae’s choice didn’t matter to him, and it made her livid. “Boss, this is ridiculous! She’s driving me mad!”

“Eunji” Sung Gyu said quietly, without lifting his gaze. “Calm down”

“Calm down?” She reiterated and laughed condescendingly. No matter how many times she tried to understand it, the entire situation only became more and more outrageous. “Are you telling me to calm down, sit back and watch this-this whole-!” She threw her hands up in the air, frustrated. “Jesus, boss, what do you think you’re doing?”

“There’s nothing for you to be so worked up about” Sung Gyu said in his still somber tone. “She’s probably just tired after a long drive, she’d help him wash up afterwards”

“Right, and Sung Jae isn’t, after having worked all day long”

“Eunji please” Sung Gyu sighed, gathering Sung Jae into his arms. “It’s not a big deal and we are all tired-,”

“Well, maybe not for you though I’m surprised why it isn’t” Eunji threw back angrily. “Because after all, you’re the victim of everything, not Sung Jae, right?”

Sung Gyu went quiet at that, his arms loosely around Sung Jae. “You know that’s not right” He slowly replied.

“How would I know? How would I know anything when you don’t know yourself what you’re doing, boss! Yoora, she-she obviously doesn’t love him. You can’t change and start loving someone all of a sudden, that doesn’t work that way!”

A door crashed shut, then, as if in response. Sung Gyu perked up, and Sung Jae moved away from him, letting the adults take care of their own disputes.

“You seem to have a problem with me” Yoora said from the doorway, raising her brows. “Baby sitter”

It was Sung Gyu who responded to her before even Eunji could get her words through. “Yoora, I thought you were going to get Jae prepared to bed first”

Her face changed almost instantly into an apologetic smile, one that she sure didn’t even mean and Eunji had to refrain herself from launching at her. “Oh, I thought the baby sitter was going to do that”

“What?” Eunji, this time, almost lost her bearings.

“Eunji wait” Sung Gyu sighed, pressing two fingers on the bridge of his nose, exasperated, before he turned to Yoora who looked as if she never did anything wrong. “Yoora, you’re supposed to help him clean up, I thought you were going to do that”

She merely shrugged in response. “Well, I thought…anyway, I only said I’d bring him home”

It was only then that Sung Gyu’s face perceptibly darkened, as if all her wrong intentions occurred to him only at that moment. He glanced down at Sung Jae, who looked tired and lost in all the drama that he was involuntarily being dragged into, and he let out a sigh. “Sung Jae-ah, let me get you cleaned up, hm?”

“Okay” Sung Jae nodded slowly, and Sung Gyu reached out with an extended hand before he walked him towards the direction of the rooms. But before he could go any further, grandma appeared, her face solemn, apron off and wiping her palms on her shirt. “Sung Gyu-Goon, prepare for dinner and I’ll help him wash up”

He halted, and Sung Jae looked up wearily. “Grandma”

She wasn’t one to respond, and quite miraculously, Sung Jae simply went and grasped his great grandmother’s hand, possibly because he was too tired to fight back and only needed his shower done. Once the two of them were out of earshot, Eunji told them the first thing which appeared in her mind. As it happens, Eunji had had enough of Sung Gyu and his blatantly messed up life.

“Okay, boss, you know what? I’m leaving”

Sung Gyu turned to her slowly, his brows furrowed, his gaze incredulous; “What?”

“I’m leaving” She said, raising her shoulders and giving him a non-committed look. There’s only so much that one could tolerate, and Eunji had most certainly reached her limits. She knew she had to be there for Sung Jae, but then again, just the fact that she was there only made her an acquaintance of all the mistakes that Sung Gyu made left and right, allowing them to happen and in turn making little Sung Jae the victim of it all. If there was anything that she could possibly do at that moment, it was to not be a part of it and only become the listening ear Sung Jae really needed. And she was the school counselor, so it was always possible and thus, she didn’t quite necessarily have to be a part of what mess that Kim Sung Gyu had become. “Well, obviously, both Sung Jae’s parents are here, so-,”

“Eunji, you can’t just leave” Sung Gyu replied.

“Just let her go” Yoora said, her plastic smile morphing into an unrelenting scowl. “Like she said, now that I’m here, we don’t need her”

Eunji tried to ignore how her very words felt like a slap on her face. constricted, tears beginning to well up in her eyes; it was as if she was being constantly reminded that she was still holding onto something-someone, that was never rightfully hers. “Right” Eunji nodded vigorously, composing herself and for once not breaking apart in front of him, in front of both of them. Eunji didn’t need him in her life, as much as he didn’t need her; which he certainly proved to her by the prolonged silence he was giving her. She gulped down the thick knot which formed in and glanced at Sung Gyu only briefly. “Don’t worry, I can catch the bus” She said to him, turned around and made her way across the room, grabbed her bags and heeded no attention to grandma’s soothing voice over the gentle splash of water coming from the bathroom. She reassured herself, no matter how much it was going to hurt her, thinking about him, that Sung Jae will be fine.

She didn’t dare spare a single glance at the two in the living room, Yoora paying little to no attention as if she’s been the saint through the whole debacle and Sung Gyu dejectedly sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and just watching her. What amazed her was how he still wasn’t saying a word, an obvious sign that he would rather have her far away from him and out of his sight than a part of them, because she’d never been a part of his life, anyway. It’s been long since she’s been wiped off the big picture, leaving her only a trace fading into the backdrop, and it was fine because she’d realized it at that point that you needn’t put so much effort to be there for someone if they no longer want you there. It hurts less if you leave on your own accord, and that was that.

The evening had already turned into a cold, somber night, the high-rising mountain tops being large, looming shadows encircling the small village. The night was as tranquil as the morning had been, only except it was colder, a sense of longingness floating in the disparity of the wind. Eunji closed her eyes and in-took a long, deep breath. It didn’t feel right to end a journey that had started so beautifully, but she also knew that there was no other right way around it. It’s been long since she came to this decision, to walk away from him and out of his life, only to be there for Sung Jae when it’s necessary; but something in her heart and mind had held her back the whole time. Perhaps it was how weary and desolate Sung Gyu appeared, as if some solace in someone was what he truly needed and she had truly believed that it was exactly what she could give him; perhaps it was the hopeful gleam in his eyes and the soft smile he tucked away behind his endless banter every morning upon her visits, perhaps it was the very idea that she couldn’t imagine a life without him. But now, she realized, that they all needed to change. Woohyun had been right all along. Loving someone so detached from her, emotionally, someone who didn’t put an effort to let her into his life wasn’t worth trying. She might as well give her heart, force herself to give her heart to the one who was willing to have it and cherished it by the truest, sincerest promise of love.

She didn’t think further than that point. She didn’t remember the road, which way to take, where to head onto in order to locate a bus stop in a place so strange and unfamiliar, but the very thought of having to be in their presence only made her persevere through the difficulties. The night only grew colder and the road seemed to stretch out forever in front of her, and through the gentle rustle coming from the direction of the field, she could hear a dog bark in a distance. ‘Dojjeongie’ her mind replied almost instantly which brought a surge of memories from that morning, all of which suddenly felt like a distant dream as she stood in a place she barely knew. Eunji had to stop there and still for a moment, otherwise her tears would have broken down the boundaries.

It was only then, that she saw it, two headlights of a car coming from right behind, almost blinding her. She’d have walked away had she the strength to, and she knew for a fact that no other person in the vicinity had a car, except for him. All the good reasons which had held her back this whole time, yet again, kept her from moving further away from him, and she stood still against the cold wind, Sung Gyu stopped the car right in front of her and unlocked the doors. He stepped out, and walked towards her, hurried on his feet despite his obvious exhaustion.

“Let’s at least talk this out” He said.

Eunji shrugged in response. “There’s nothing to talk about”

Sung Gyu sighed heavily, and when he looked up, he looked as if he had aged ten times than he was. “Eunji, I thought you might understand” He told her.

“Understand what?” Eunji asked in response. “That you are making bad decisions left and right and that you do them for a reason?”

“You know how hard it is for me”

“It’s hard for everyone, boss, it’s not only you” Eunji threw right back. “The problem here is that you very well know how Yoora is like with Sung Jae but still you went ahead and…” She trailed off, unable to even get the words out of her lips. She hated how sour and ugly they felt in . “I don’t think you ever even considered Sung Jae, boss”

“I did and that’s why I’m doing this” Sung Gyu answered, his tone defensive. “I’m his father, Eunji. I know what I’m doing, it’s you who don’t put a single effort to understand me”

“Yeah, I don’t understand!” Eunji fought back, dropping her bags by her feet, completely livid. “I don’t understand, not that I don’t put an effort to, boss, because I don’t see why you would even think she had potential to be a mother”

“But that doesn’t make any difference, now does it?” Sung Gyu replied darkly. “Yoora is and will be his mother, because she gave birth to him, raised him and came back to him, and if she put the right effort to change herself, which I’m sure she might, things would turn out for the best, Eunji. That’s what I’m rooting for”

“Maybe you’re rooting for a delusion” Eunji replied sadly. It was sad, how much he was trying; and it was sadder because all his exertions were going to end up breaking his heart. “And boss, just because she gave birth to him, it doesn’t make her a mother. Love is a choice, not an obligation”

“And I’m sure she made a difficult choice there to return to him” Sung Gyu replied sternly. “Despite everything that happened”

“Right” Eunji spat back with a condescending chuckle. “Then it must have been a difficult choice to toss him on the back burner and slather all over you”

Sung Gyu’s face hardened, a sure sign that she had definitely stepped a line. “Don’t even talk about things you don’t know, Eunji”

“Yeah, especially because you’re dating her behind everyone’s back and not even your own son’s opinion mattered”

Sung Gyu ran his trembling hands through his hair; “Please don’t talk about things you don’t know” He repeated wearily and looked up to meet her eyes. “And we’re both tired right now, so let’s just get back and-,”

Eunji knew clearly well that he was tired, and she was too. It was not a physical exhaustion she felt at that moment; it was a pain and impotence towards everything that’s been happening to the people who mattered in her life, the inability to do anything to stop them, not having a chance to do or say anything and being a complete outsider, whose opinion never really mattered. And it was this helplessness which led her to do things she never meant to do. Eunji wanted to hurt him, not with just words but the truth.

“Sung Jae doesn’t like her; did you ever think about that?” She asked him, folding her arms on her chest.

Sung Gyu let out a heavy sigh, his eyes heavenwards, shoulders sagging as if they held the weight of the world. “Eunji, can we please stop this and just-,”

“Sung Jae hates her, boss. The moment her car pulled through, he looked like all hopes were lost, he’s the victim here, he’s more tired than all of us and that’s what you need to think about, not her”

“Yoora is trying. It’s just she’s not used to motherhood” He replied.

“Well, I’m not a mother either” Eunji pointed out confidently. “But I know perfectly well how to treat him like one, and that’s what I mean by choice-,”

“You know what, Eunji?” Sung Gyu interrupted her, his weariness now replaced by something so dark and imperceptible that she felt a slight chill, colder than the night, slither down her spine. “Maybe you should stop being a mother to him, all the time”

And that did it, a slap right across her face, a reality call which made more sense than anything else she had ever felt before. Eunji felt herself slowly numbing at the truth, it sinking into her heart, piercing right through her. He was right; and it was something she’d known all long and hated to think about, all for the fact that that only changed a lot of things. Maybe her love for Sung Gyu didn’t end there, at just the pleasure of loving him. Maybe it went far beyond that, slithering across their universe to the point where she’d desired to be the one it completely revolved around. A mother, a wife. Eunji wanted to be Sung Jae’s mother; not only was she playing the part of it. She wanted to be the next most important person in their lives, and it probably wasn’t just the sense of responsibility which bounded her down to it; but only, she hadn’t known.

It was Sung Gyu who pointed out to her, and that simple realization took her a long way. Not only did he admit that he’d rather not have her become Sung Jae’s mother; Sung Gyu had just blatantly pointed out to her that he didn’t want her in his life just the same. Because Sung Jae had a mother, regardless of the fact that they loved or not, and in turn, Sung Gyu had a potential partner for life, one that he would choose over anyone, and that anyone included her.

Because she was no longer a part of him. She no longer mattered.

The thick knot in grew a tenfold, and all she felt at that moment was numb, completely, disoriented, mystified. She felt as if she was slowly blurring into the quiet surrounding of the village, a place she never belonged to and should have never come to. She blurred into it just the same way that she blurred into the background of Sung Gyu’s life. As someone who never mattered.

So, she picked up her bags and turned away.

“Stop it, Eunji” Sung Gyu said tiredly, though he wasn’t even putting a slightest effort to hold her back. “Do you even know where you’re going? There aren’t any buses coming around in the night, and the trains are miles away…let’s just please go back”

Eunji heeded no attention as she walked ahead, faster, her strides longer than she intended to, eyes focused on the road stretched ahead. It was the first time she ever had an argument of such gravity with Kim Sung Gyu, and she never had even imagined for something to hurt so much. But just as she had thought pointing out the truth would make him realize things, he had fought back the same way. He had shown her the reality she had forever failed to grasp, and that made her want to stay far, far away from him, from them. Walk away and never return. She strode away faster and faster, but then she saw it, illuminating the road ahead, the car was following her once more. And of course, her short feet couldn’t surpass what a car could be. Sung Gyu drove in right in front of her and parked the car with an aggressive turn, blocking the path before her. Eunji halted, her breathing hitched and eyes widened with thousand emotions which successfully held back her tears. Sung Gyu climbed out of the car and approached her in long strides.

“You don’t know where you’re going” Sung Gyu told her, milder, this time. Wearier. “At least let me drop you to the station, if you really want to go”

She tried to look into his eyes in the dark, but with the car’s light illuminating from behind him, Sung Gyu was only a tall, dark, overwhelming silhouette, blocking her path. She couldn’t tell if he were sincere or if he only wanted to let her have what she wanted and get everything done with. So she exclaimed the first thing which came to her mind. Eunji didn’t think holding back would change anything.

“Why do you care? Why do you care, Kim Sung Gyu?”

There was silence, and the wind rushed past her, bringing her hair to her face in a silken dance. Sung Gyu took a few steps towards her so that he was no longer in the dark. “What?”

“What am I even…” She muttered to herself, her voice thick with emotion and shook her head. “Of course, you don’t care. The only thing you want right now is toss me out of your life”

Sung Gyu stepped closer, and his face carried an emotion which she didn’t think she could ever percept. “What…what are you talking about?”

“You don’t want me here anymore, do you? With you? In your life? Because I was just…all this time, someone in the background…. someone who doesn’t matter”

Sung Gyu took a deep breath, threw his head back and aggressively pushed a hand through his hair. “Jesus, Eunji, what the are you talking about?”

“Okay fine” Eunji said, stiffly nodding in return. “I’ll make sure I’d stop being a mother to Sung Jae and whatever I was for you…that makes everything better, now doesn’t it? Because my being there was the biggest problem here…I’ll make myself scarce, and hope that alone will fix everything”

“Eunji” Sung Gyu called sternly and walked over to her. “Let’s go home and regroup like civil people, now, please”

Eunji didn’t say anything in response, nor did she move an inch, holding her grounds with the last fiber of sanity she had left. And that seemed to have irked him even further, that he moved to towards her, reaching out a hand which only grasped tightly onto her wrist and dragged her along with him. She didn’t fight back. Eunji didn’t see a reason to. She was quiet as he tugged her bags from her grasp, tossed them in to the back seat and pushed her towards the passenger seat, at which point she wordlessly relented. Soon, they were back on the road towards the house, now gloomy and quiet, driving the way that Eunji had previously walked back on, which was longer than she had assumed it was. Just as they pulled into the garden, Eunji told him one last thing that she truly wanted to say. “Don’t talk to me again”

“Eunji…” Sung Gyu sighed, grasping onto the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turned into a ghostly white.

“Just don’t” Eunji replied.

After a briefest moment during which he killed the ignition of the car, he unlocked the door and slammed it open with so much of force that it went back, flying.

“Fine” He told her.

“Fine” she said.

And that was that.

*

Sung Gyu was twelve years old when he first had to stop someone from walking away from his life. It was his first girlfriend, or the first friend who was a girl whom he kissed for the first time, just so she would decide against moving out of the town. He could still recall that moment quite vividly. He could remember the taste of gum in his mouth, the scent of her hair, the softness of her lips; cold sweat pooling under his collar and sand underneath his feet. That day, though he had sacrificed his first kiss for her, that didn’t stop her from leaving him. Sung Gyu learned only on that day how much it hurts, to have someone who mattered walking away from him. And perhaps, that was the time he truly began to feel the fear of losing someone he loved.

What he felt at that moment, when he slammed the door shut and walked away, leaving her behind in the car to her own ill thoughts, was ten, maybe thousand times worse than what he had felt on the day he had his first kiss. It hurt even worse to know that someone was still there but was no longer a part of his life than to have them be far away from him and becoming a memory, because they were still there, not as a memory but a person, yet he still couldn’t have them. Just seeing them, feeling them but knowing that he couldn’t have them, Sung Gyu could swear a part of him died with every single thought he had of them. It must have been easier for them to walk away from him, but it wasn’t so for him to let them go.

Yoora was sitting on the front porch, as always, engrossed in her phone when he went inside. She looked completely unperturbed. Whether what happened actually bothered her or whether she heeded complete ignorance was beyond him. In fact, he might not even care because he was too tired to deal with more women than one in his life. She was rather indifferent to everything that happened, which was no surprise to him. He’d always known for her to think so very little about the wrong that she did, as if it was never her fault; something about her that he didn’t really mind when he first fell in love with her. Now, he wasn’t so sure.

He could hear Eunji following after him; or rather, he could feel her, some sort of an enigmatic sense which he had developed, somehow, along with falling in love with her. Perhaps he paid her too much attention that her presence was so prominent than ever before. As much as he wanted to approach her, hold her, love her, Sung Gyu knew better than that to not step over the boundaries he had set. It hurt, to think that she was convinced she didn’t matter to him because, though he would never admit it to her, she was possibly the next most important person in his life, someone who mattered to him in a way words couldn’t explain. But the very bit of her knowing the truth scared him. He was scared of the many things that it would change afterwards. More than anything else, he didn’t want her to suffer any more in the mess he had made out of himself.

Grandma was setting dinner on a small table in the living room when he went inside, Sung Jae carrying cutlery in his small hands, his eyes narrowed in grogginess, and Sung Gyu’s heart constricted at the sight. Tonight, solely by his own mistake, he’s broken more hearts than one. He walked to his son, took the cutlery from his hands and picked him up into his arms.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked him in a small, soothing voice.

“Sleepy” Sung Jae sincerely replied. It was obvious that little Sung Jae, despite his age, was trying to act unaffected. Eunji’s words echoed in his mind like an endless reminder. Sung Gyu kissed him softly on his head and set him on the ground. “We’ll have dinner and go to bed soon, okay?”

“Okay” Sung Jae said, and Sung Gyu led him to the dinner table where grandma has prepared a feast. She came around, a piping hot pot of army base soup in hand. She placed it on the middle of the table along with an array of side dishes and bowls of rice. Her eyes seemed ten times smaller that they usually were, if it was even possible. “Where’s she?”

He, of course, knew whom she was asking for; but for the sake of his pride, Sung Gyu feigned ignorance and merely proceeded to eat.

“Sung Gyu, did you find that girl?” Grandma asked again, sounding concerned, but Sung Gyu didn’t even budge. He knew he was going to get an earful if he didn’t respond the next instance, but then, as if for his rescue, Eunji emerged from the doorway, bags on tow, a frown etched across her face. As mush as it hurt him, Sung Gyu refrained from sparing a single glance at her. That’s what she wanted from him, to be far away from her, and that’s what he deserved too, for every half-thought things he had done.

“Oh, there you are” Grandma said, a tinge of relief in her voice. It was odd to think that she actually cared for anyone, but it was grandma, so it was really hard to tell. “Have dinner before it gets cold”

“She won’t stay for dinner” Sung Gyu said halfheartedly, although the thought of it left a sour taste in his mouth.

“Why, is she leaving?”

“I’ll be over at Yong Hwa’s” Eunji informed stiffly from the direction of the rooms.

“Yong Hwa’s?” Grandma echoed and looked at Sung Gyu, rather confused. “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing” Sung Gyu shrugged, eyes focused only on his bowl of steamed rice. “She has a date with him”

Grandma didn’t respond to that, which was actually good because Sung Gyu didn’t think he’d want to talk about it anyway. The three of them dined quietly for a moment, and after a while, Yoora joined them too. The look on her face upon seeing the spread of food on the table was unreadable, as was upon the entire setting. She sat down, nevertheless, her dark hair pulled into a tight ponytail and her graceful neckline showing as she leaned forwards to settle herself. She picked up a small empty dish and served herself only bits and pieces of veggies from the side dishes and nibbled on it quietly as if having dinner was more of an obligation that a necessity.

“Have some rice” Grandma told her, pushing a bowl towards her, but Yoora shook her head in response. “No, thank you”

“You don’t eat rice?”

She mumbled something about carbs which was barely audible, but Sung Gyu decided to not ask, He had already seen her strange eating habits, which was quite concerning. But that wasn’t what worried him the most at that moment. The four of them continued to eat quietly, all until Sung Jae decided he had had enough and wanted to sleep. His bowl of rice was only half empty, and there wasn’t much in it the first place. He was playing with his food most of the time, and no matter how many times Sung Gyu tried to persuade him to eat more, he just refused. In the end, Sung Gyu yielded, agreeing to take him to bed. He picked him up in his arms, though they hurt so much after all the heavy work they served during the day, and carried him into the small bedrooms. Bed spreads were already laid out in the main bedroom, the one he remembered to have slept in, during his childhood. There were three in total; one larger equipped with two pillows and a single spread. Just at the same moment he entered the room, however, Eunji, freshly showered and dressed, scented of his favorite strawberry perfume, passed by him; the frown on her face only grew darker, and she didn’t even bat an eye as she left the room. They were two lone ships passing each other on a dark, vast sea. Never had he been more hurt by losing a person as much as he was, losing her.

Later that night, after Eunji had left for Yong Hwa’s (They’d gone to some Noona’s house a few blocks away, Yong Hwa had called him up to tell him in case Eunji required being picked up) Sung Gyu sat all by himself on the front porch, the large house drowned in silence behind him and the night unfolding before him. There were fireflies, so many of them, dusting the darkness like thousands of tiny moving stars. Dojjeongie, now out of her kennel and chains was lying by his feet and he didn’t really mind. He was deep in his thoughts. Sung Gyu thought about so many things, and all of them were revolved around Eunji, around everything that she had told him.

Begrudgingly so, he had to admit; she’d been right with so many things she said. But that didn’t include her wrong assumptions. No, Sung Gyu would never even dream of having her away from his life, never had he ever thought that she wasn’t a part of him but so much as pretty much the only other person he’d want to wake up to every morning. Eunji, much like Sung Jae, kept him going in his life, no matter how difficult it would get. He trusted her, so much so that he had pretty much entrusted everything he owned and loved into her hands. What he couldn’t understand was why she even thought he would rather have her leave him. But on the other hand, it was only right if she did.

If that was the case, would he be able to survive? He had had his heart broken bad nine years ago, and he didn’t think he could take it again if another person whom he loved so dearly would leave him. Sung Gyu would be devastated, and he wouldn’t be able to pick up the shattered pieces of himself again and move on. But then again, holding her back, wishing she’d love a broken mess, a single father as himself, was nothing but wishful thinking. On one hand, she deserved a better life with a better man and a child of her own. On the other hand, he wouldn’t even begin to think of what the world, their families would think of them. Its Eunji who would have to suffer at the end of it all. It was selfish, too selfish, to pursue her. Sung Gyu had to let her go. It was simply the right way around it. When it came down to the rest of the world, feelings truly didn’t matter, and it was something he had learned through years spent as a single father.

And the only way he could achieve that, no matter how difficult a decision it was for both Sung Jae and him, and even Eunji, was to be with Yoora. Yoora was willing to take that place, though to what extent, he was still unsure. She definitely wasn’t taking motherhood well, and that was ringing warning signals around him; as if it was a call for a bad start. But there he had no choice, unless Eunji decided to walk away on her own accord. His stupid, selfish heart still wouldn’t let her. He’d act out of impulse, and-,

Then there was Sung Jae. Sung Jae who seemed to be attached to Eunji a lot more than he necessarily should.

His life was a mess, in unamendable chaos. And in the midst of it all, Sung Gyu was lonely and deserted on his own. He let out a heavy sigh, closed his eyes and buried his face in his folded hands.

“Sung Gyu-Goonie?” Grandma’s soft voice came from behind him, and he didn’t move an inch but hummed in response. He could feel her approach him in slow steps. It was only then he saw how much her age showed, and he still didn’t even know what that was. “Sung Gyu-Goonie” She called again, and he turned to face her. “Grandma”

Her face was expressionless, but something about her eyes were mild and ever so reassuring. Sung Gyu felt warmth settle in in his heart.

“Sung Gyu goonie, can you help me a bit? My shoulders hurt”

“O-oh…okay” He nodded and climbed up on his feet. He kneeled down behind her and stared down at his soft tuft of cropped, silvery hair and sagging shoulders, her clothes barely hung on her small frame. When he looked down at her, he saw how small and fragile she looked. Grandma was no longer the strong, intimidating woman he had known and grown accustomed to. Now, she was weak and helpless. She was a grandma. And he didn’t know what he quite felt about that.

He rubbed his two palms together and pressed them on her shoulders, pressing gently up to her neck and back down in a systematic manner, loosening her stiff tendons as he did. Doing this was not new to him. He had done it a plenty of times, for his mother whenever she’d get bad pains in his joints. They said that he had magic hands, something about him being the miracle kid left of twins. He didn’t really know what that meant, some old people’s belief, but still he didn’t mind helping them.

Grandma let out a groan and twisted her head. “Sung Gyu goonie still have magic hands, I already feel much better”

That was perhaps the only nice thing she had told him ever since that morning, and it immediately made him smile. “Still about the magic hands”

Grandma chuckled, and her shoulders shook underneath his palms. One of her frail, wrinkly hands touched his almost too gently. The weight of hers was as light as a feather. “They are magic hands. Don’t ever doubt that. You know what they say about twins? They have healing powers; a single touch takes away the pain”

“But I’m no twin” Sung Gyu pouted.

“You are, you are. Just because the other is no longer there, doesn’t mean you’re not one, Sung Gyu Goon”

“I’m sure he wasn’t even born” Sung Gyu pushed on, his hands gently working on her stiff shoulders.

“He wasn’t. The doctors said you crushed him to death”

At that, both of them laughed, a gentle, cheery sound which echoed in the quiet night.

“You know…” She started after a while, her voice so soothingly soft and he immediately knew what was coming, especially since it was possibly her favorite story. “The day you were born…”

“Grandma first held me” He finished up for her.

“You were such a pretty thing. My first grandson…”

Sung Gyu went quiet at that, his hands going slower and slower as he plunged into the mental image she was creating. But only, it was him who was holding a child. And the child wasn’t him; it was Sung Jae, wrapped in his soft blue flannel, face crumpled like a rose, crying. He gulped down the knot forming in his throat.

“I can still remember, you wouldn’t stop crying no matter what we do. In the morning, through evening, you’d sleep like a puppy; come night, you scream blue murder”

He could still recall those days. Not of his childhood of course. He recalled those days when Sung Jae robbed of his sleep and he hated it, hated him for doing that. Now he hated himself for ever thinking that way.

“Must have been difficult back then” He commented, smiling fondly.

“Oh yes it was. I am sure you scared all the chickens away…” Grandma chuckled fondly. “But that was fine…you grew up into a fine lad”

His hands stopped the very instant. The truth was, Sung Gyu didn’t think he grew up into a fine lad. He wasn’t. He was messy and scared and insecure, his whole life was in shambles, he couldn’t even be with the woman he loved. He consecutively hurt his only son, worried his parents’ day and night, did terribly at work, paid very little attention to the rest of his family and he was pretty sure, though she’d say so, Grandma didn’t think he was a find lad. She hated him, and she thought he was the worst grandchild she had ever raised. He bit his lip, and didn’t even realize that his hands have moved away from her. And then, before he could even stop himself; “Grandma, do you still love me?”

“Sung Gyu goonie, that was a fine massage” Grandma said, and rearranging her shirt. Then she took hold of his hand. “Come here. Sit with me”

And he followed.

The two of them sat quietly for a long time, as the fireflies made beautiful patterns in the dark and Dojjeongie stretched out comfortably over their legs. Sung Gyu’s hand unconsciously rubbed behind her ears and she hummed softly in the comfort she found in his gentle ministrations. The other hand was still quite firmly held in Grandma’s hand.

“Sung Gyu Goonie” Grandma called after a while.

“Hm?”

“You know…I called you because I missed you. I am very old, and I don’t think I would live very long…I wanted to see you and cook a meal for you one last time before I die…”

Sung Gyu’s heart fell million miles through the floor. He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand tightly. There he had assumed she hated him, that’s she thought he was the worst. But as it turns out, every mother’s love wasn’t the same.

“Grandma, don’t say that…You’re going to be okay”

“I don’t want to live long. I have lived enough. I want to join your grandpa up there, he must be very lonely”

“Grandma” He sighed, lowering his head. When he had packed up and come home, he had thought she was sick, he was worried; his childhood with her was flashing before his eyes with every thought of her, and now, knowing that he had neglected her in the time she needed him the most, Sung Gyu didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself. And to have thought she didn’t love him…

…of course, she loved him; but only, she had a special way of showing him that; with her cruel, intimidating words, embarrassing stories, making him work and all her warm, hearty meals; even her advice which made so much of eloquent sense. It was Sung Gyu who had failed to grasp that.

“And I’m so happy, that you’re here…I could finally make you a meal, see you work in the fields like you used to, meet Sung Jae after so long…I can finally die in peace...” Grandma continued, slowly rubbing the back of his hand, her skin so soft against his, years of hard work so evident in her simplest touch.

“Grandma please don’t say that...” He murmured, moving closer to her; she smelled the same; of damp soil and rains and summers and of home. He could still remember that scent, from the days when she held him, carried him, washed him and fed him, when she raised him. She was still the same. It was him who had changed.

“But only, Sung Gyu goon, I’m sad that I couldn’t see one last thing…and I hope I will soon be able to”

Sung Gyu pulled away and looked into her wise, hopeful eyes. “What is that, grandma?”

Grandma gave him a smile and squeezed his hand. “You, getting married, having a pretty little daughter…I would love to hold her someday, just like I held you…”

A strange emotion settled in his chest; something warm, exciting and painful all the same. If he were told this, years back; he’d have retracted right away, he would have passionately expressed his denial. But now, much for his amazement, he actually gave much thought on it. In fact, he strongly felt having a daughter wouldn’t be bad; especially if she had that eye smile of warmest summers and the glitter in her hair.

“A daughter wouldn’t be bad” Sung Gyu admitted sincerely.

Grandma chuckled in response, patting him gently on his hand. “Which one is it?” She asked him.

“Hm?” His ears perked up.

“Which one is it?” Grandma reiterated, not meeting his eyes; and he knew exactly what she was talking about. The truth was that he didn’t think he was ever entitled to have a choice. It was as if fate had already mapped it all out to him; it was, when Sung Jae was born, and the woman whom he’d have to spend the rest of his life was already decided then. But that was just the system, surely. It was only how the world worked. But was it possible for him to go against it? Break the boundaries that, not him, but the world had set around him, follow his heart rather than give what everybody else wanted him to give?

It was possible, maybe it was. In another world, in another situation, in a place where so many things didn’t matter. Sung Gyu couldn’t possibly snatch her though he loved, especially not when the one who should be his constant was still in his life.

“I…don’t know, grandma. I haven’t thought about it” He sighed in response. It wasn’t a difficult choice, truthfully. The matter which lied there was that there was never a choice.

“Well, Sung Gyu goon. It’s up to you…” Grandma replied before she stretched out her short limbs, as always, dropping the conversation. It was as if she always knew where to end it, as if she knew where Sung Gyu’s responses were going to end. And that was fine too, because In any case, Sung Gyu wouldn’t have known how to answer. He quietly watched her as she stood up and stayed there, hands on her waist.

“It was a good day” She said, and let out a long, loud yawn. “We have a good harvest this time, don’t you think, Sung Gyu goonie”

“Yeah…” He nodded, climbing up on his feet himself. It indeed was a good day; all until it had to change for the worse.

“They say trees and plants can hear people” Grandma said sleepily, her eyes focused far ahead into the tall, dark mountains. “When trees hear children, they bear more fruit…they say” She continued, rubbed her eyes before turning back into the house. “Come back home, Sung Gyu Goonie…” Was the last thing she told him before she padded across the house and went inside.

*

Eunji had a principle of some sort. She didn’t know if that’s exactly what they called it, perhaps it wasn’t but she didn’t care much, really. Anyway, she had a principle, and that was that, whenever the going got too tough; drink, get wasted, pass out and let them go. It was simple as that; at least it was in context. But in reality, it had been long since she had understood that the process wasn’t so simple. As much as she enjoyed drinking; people around her always tried to stop her. It was not only the people; it was the world too, rotating around until she felt like her eyes were about to fall off. Eunji had always believed that drinking was supposed to be enjoyable. It only took her one drink to always decide otherwise.

“Eunji, I think you had enough” Yong Hwa told her as she groggily poured herself another glassful of Soju.

“No” She protested, slapping his hand away. Yong Hwa was a nice guy; good looking, funny and inconsiderate. All things considered, however Sung Gyu was still better in the aspect of drinking together. At least he’d have his share and pass out rather than stopping others from drinking.

“Eunji-Ssi” Yong Hwa sighed, as she reached for the glass of beer on his side of the table. “At this rate, you’re going to pass out”

“That’s the whole point!” Eunji slurred, pointing a finger at his direction. “I want to get drunk, wasted and forget”

“Forget what?” He asked.

“My boss” Eunji replied bluntly and pressed the glass of beer against her lips.

As it happened, Yong Hwa’s idea of a date happened to be a barbeque night over drinks at the place of one of his unmarried noonas. Eunji didn’t remember her name, but she was loud and nice, she welcomed her with warm smiles and hospitability, leaving the two of them on their own while she and the rest of her unmarried squad, both men and women alike, partied out by themselves. It was fine too, considering that Eunji’s foul mood was not one that can accompany a party for the singlets.

In fact, she felt bad that she was venting all her anger and frustration on poor old Yong Hwa who did absolutely nothing wrong to her, or anyone, for that matter. There was a strange look in his eyes as he watched her, and she could tell there was a tinge of worry as well as regret in them, as if he’d realized he had judged her wrong all alone. Eunji wouldn’t blame him, because she did act pretty rash tonight. It was fine in the beginning. Their encounter started out as good as any other date would start. Yong Hwa hadn’t a car but a bicycle and the ride through the cold night, with the strong wind coming from the fields was an experience on a completely different level. She sat on the bar in the front, despite her hurting rear, like in movies since it hadn’t a seat on the back. It was evident he’d been a loner for a long time. And during the ride, they talked, and she learned a lot about him. The gist of it was that he loved his country life, except for the fact that being a country bumpkin didn’t get him many girls. Eunji felt that taking her out, like this was more of an experience for him than an honest gesture.

Which was fine as well, all things considered.

Things, however, changed drastically once she got herself tipsy, perhaps, tipsier than usual. She’d have kept to her limit had she been in her usual self but tonight she thought was an exception. She had had a fight with the only man who had actually ever stolen her heart, and it hurt so much, so much more than she had imagined. The situation called for a night spent drunk, date or not. And it would have been fine if it ended there. What Eunji didn’t realize was that she was awfully talkative one she had had the drink.

So she ended up telling Yong Hwa everything she’d hidden deep in her heart.

“I’m sure he has a good reason, Eunji” Yong Hwa told her as he surreptitiously got rid of all the stray bottles of alcohol lying around on the table. “I have known him almost all my life, and I know for a fact that he wouldn’t take a bad decision unless he had a good reason”

Eunji tut-tutted, shaking her head in disagreement. She thought Yong Hwa looked genuinely concerned. She could hardly see anything through her bleary eyes. Reading people’s emotions while being drunk wasn’t exactly a skill she had mastered. “I…don’t think…there’s ever a good reason Yong Hwa-Ssi” She drawled, subconsciously gesturing with her hands. “Yoora…she is a ” She hiccupped. “He, of all the people, should know that”

“Maybe he does know…” He continued with a sigh. “But you see, he is in a difficult position, right? I mean, that girl is the child’s mother”

“Ex-mother…” Eunji blinked, pointing a finger into his face. “Should be a universally accepted term”

“That only means there’s another one coming” Giving up, perhaps, he let Eunji have his glass of soju.

“Yea…” Eunji muttered, tilted her head back and swallowed the alcohol in one breath. “That is me”

Eunji thought Yong Hwa was staring at her, she couldn’t really tell, but it was quiet from his side of the table for a prolonged amount of time. In the end, he said; “You like Gyu”

In usual circumstances, Eunji would have upped and straight away denied it. Her sober self didn’t exactly have the courage to admit things to strangers, especially if this stranger was a long time best friend, cousin of her crush’s. But her drunk self was rather different. She was blunt and brave, and most importantly, being drunk gave you the liberty to say whatever the hell you please and get away with it, acting or pretending to have forgotten all the stupid things that you’ve been the entire time.

So Eunji went for the kill anyway and vigorously nodded her head. And then she giggled, like a school girl. “Who wouldn’t?” She asked Yong Hwa rhetorically.

Yong Hwa shook his head in disapproval. “But why? He’s not even that good looking”

Eunji giggled again, a reaction which came almost automatically. She wasn’t thinking straight anyway, and her reactions were beyond her control. So it wasn’t her fault when the giggle turned into a frown, and then a tearful gaze. She didn’t even realize she had tears forming in her eyes. “But he hates me. He…he thinks I’m trying to replace Yoora”

Eunji could vaguely make out Yong Hwa’s raised brows. “Isn’t that technically what you’re doing? I mean, this whole ‘Ex-mother’ business is kind of…”

“I don’t want to replace her” Eunji admitted, only genuine thoughts being put into words in her drunkard mind. “I want to be better than her. Plus, he likes me better”

“Gyu?” Yong Hwa echoed incredulously.

Eunji shook her head and sniffed. “No. Sung Jae”

They were quiet again, for a moment, and Eunji, somehow, snuck a bottle of Soju from under the short table they were occupying and twisted open the lid with minimal strength. Her hands were literally powerless, but it worked by some miracle. With a series of hiccups, Eunji proceeded to pour the alcohol into a tall glass. She decided against it, then, and drank straight from the bottle.

“Woah, woah, hold on” Yong Hwa quickly reached out and snatched the bottle away from her, and a bit of the drink began to dribble down her chin, which she wiped off with the back of her hand. “You know…there is this story…”

At odd moments, when she was drunk, her secretive Zen self would resurface. She raised her eyes to look at the other man and blinked rather slowly, trying to work out his expression. “The…the Caucasian chalk circle”

“The what?” Yong Hwa asked her, and shook his head. “Eunji, you’re drunk, you’re talking gibberish”

“No, listen” She said as sternly as she could, which didn’t exactly come out as she hoped. “It’s this story I did at school I think…there is this mum, and a caretaker…and a baby. The mum leaves the baby when some…I don’t know…unrest? Happens. It’s the caretaker who saves the baby…” She sniffed again, and let out a dejected sigh. “She goes through …you know how much I handle every day?”

“I…have a fair idea” Yong Hwa replied emphatically.

“Anyway…” Eunji rubbed her eyes. “The caretaker saves the baby…somethings, somethings happen…I think. I don’t remember. Anyhow the mum finds the baby and the caretaker, and she wants the baby back”

“And she gives him back?”

“Of course not!” Eunji shook her head, looking up at him as if what he just said was plain mad. “She…she goes to a judge of some sort, and there is a trial as to who is the real mother…so what he does is he draws a chalk circle and puts the child in the middle. Then he asks the mother and the caretaker to pull him to their side…”

The story was all messy with her hardly audible tone. Eunji was basically drifting off into sleep as she spoke, but she was rather determined to get the message through before she passed out.

“That’s how it got the name” Yong Hwa said as if he made a great discovery. And then he frowned. “But I don’t get the co…whatever bit”

Eunji dismissed him with a fling of her hand. “So the two of them keep pulling but the caretaker let’s go…he make them do it again, but she let go again…you get what I mean?”

“Maybe?” Yong Hwa’s frown didn’t cease. It appeared to her that he wasn’t very smart after all.

Eunji let out a frustrated sigh. “What I mean is, the caretake loved the child more! Like, in a hypothetical situation, if you put Sung Jae in a circle, and ask me and Yoora to pull, the hell I wouldn’t! in fact, I’d beat her up for trying to pull, and beat you up for making me do that”

Yong Hwa nodded uncomfortably. “So that’s hypothetically, right?”

“Yup” Eunji nodded, and then let out a long yawn. “Ah, I’m sleepy, can I sleep?”

“Uh, no” Yong Hwa, only then seemed to act on his instincts and reached for his phone. “In fact, I think you should…”

“Don’t call him I hate him” Eunji slurred and fell onto the table. She cleared out a side of it, sleepily placing all the dishes and bottles on the floor beside them and simply proceeded to lie across the table. She didn’t remember much afterwards. There were sounds coming from everywhere, and voices, lots of them. The noonas have started singing and dancing around, all of those old country songs, the ones they sing at karaoke when they hadn’t better things to do, and she was really, really cold. She was shivering. But still, the surface of the table was nice and warm; only except that Yong Hwa kept moving around, hitting and tapping the short table that she was constantly startled awake to the point it grew annoying. She didn’t raise her head, nevertheless. If she did, he’d take her back, and she’d have to sit on the bicycle and get her bum bruised. Afterwards she would have to sleep in the garden over at Sung Gyu’s grandma, curled up in the cold with Dojjeongie because they all hated her; or maybe all by herself because grandma sure loved Dojjeongie more though she pretty much saw Eunji as a pain on the neck. She could at least have a good nap on the desk. Besides she didn’t want to see him again. Even the thought of him hurt beyond words.

“Okay, and you better hurry” Eunji heard his voice then. Yong Hwa’s, over the sound of singing and laughter. “She’s passed out on the table”

*

Even at the time that the call came, Sung Gyu was all prepared to take off. He didn’t know much about her drinking habits, all for the fact that whenever the two of them got drunk, he was the first one to pass out, out of the two of them; but tonight, given everything that happened, he had a slightest idea that this was somehow bound to happen. Something that he’d learned about her during their long-term acquaintanceship was that Eunji wasn’t someone who took fall-outs very well. Although her usual drinking habits were fairly alright, she, as well as anyone, would go and get tipsy after a big fight.

A big fight. It was sour in his mouth even as he thought about it. Why did the conversation have to go to that length anyway? Sung Gyu knew that he made mistakes, a considerable lot of them; and he also knew that she was rather overprotective over Sung Jae, but what happened tonight appeared to him as more of a personal dispute between themselves, formed solely upon her assumptions which only interrelated whatever happened with Yoora and Sung Jae.

Sung Gyu tried to speak to Yoora about it, but as always, she was more or less unresponsive. Only a hum or a monosyllable answer was all he could get out of her, and in the end, he just gave up trying. He blamed it on the exhaustion which made up most of their day. Tomorrow; tomorrow he’d talk things out with everyone and settle them for once and for all.

The place that Yong Hwa had taken Eunji to wasn’t that far off, but the distance was quite long and given that Yong Hwa only rode a bicycle, how Eunji, who had not much of country experience, must have handled it was beyond him. He kept the windows rolled down even through the short drive because being alone in the car was rather stifling. The summer winds coming from the fields heartily greeted him, and as he drew closer to the stop, the delicious aroma of grilling meat and sounds of cheery laughter greeted him. The house, which was on a steep slope, was lighted up by strings and strings of fairy lights, and in the balcony, some of his cousins and childhood friends as well as a whole lot of people he didn’t know were partying. He felt as if he was intruding some sort of a family gathering though he still evidently belonged there. Sung Gyu parked the car by the edge of the gate, climbed down and pulled the hood of his sweater over his head. As much as the drinking party made him feel nostalgic, reminiscing his old days in the country, he was too tired to deal with any more of chaos for the day.

“Hey Gyu!” Yong Hwa hissed from a side, and he found him approaching, stuffing one hand into his pocket and his snap back slightly askew. Sung Gyu looked at him and shrugged.

“You look like ” Yong Hwa said.

“Where is she?” Sung Gyu asked him, walking past him into the lawn. He didn’t have to go further as he found her comfortably lying across the elevated porch, a short table laden with bottles of alcohol placed before her. He gazed at her for a moment and sighed. He wasn’t surprised. He had expected to find her like this. And amazingly so, he didn’t feel anything much except for pity.

“I tried to stop her” Yong Hwa gruntled as he stood beside him. “She’s a stubborn one”

Sung Gyu rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “Tell me about it”

And then the two of them approached her. Yong Hwa hesitated to touch her, and refrained from touching her at all, leaving Sung Gyu to deal with a drunkard woman all on his own. It was hard to move her at first, since her position was rather compromising, and he was glad she didn’t wear a skirt. Still shorts were a bad idea just the same. He failed in trying to move her and in the process of it, somehow, she woke up.

“Oh!” Eunji stared up at him with a surprised face. “You….” Her surprised face immediately morphed into a frown. “Why are you here?”

Her ability to recognize him despite being faced was completely beyond him.

“Good you’re up, now corporate” Sung Gyu grunted, put his hands around her waist and tried to heave her up. He, of course, was fairly affected by the feel of her soft, mellow skin and her warmth against him, but thankfully, the stench of alcohol managed to hide away her usual, intoxicating strawberry scent. Eunji was surprisingly strong for a drunk woman, perhaps even more than she was while sober. She fought him off her without much effort, untangling his arms and pushing him away. “Go away”

Sung Gyu pulled back, stared down at her and rubbed his face. He had had a bad day, and it was deep into the night already. Sung Gyu required his sleep before the long drive due the next day, and a drunk Eunji was pretty much all he needed right now. “Eunji, please, let’s go home”

“Nooo” She drawled and comfortably settled down on the footboard. “I’m sleeping here”

“No, you can’t” He reprimanded and tried to put his arms around her once more. “Come on, let’s go”

Eunji was quiet as he pulled her, this time around, not fighting him. But as soon as he got her into a seated position, she looked up at him with sleepy eyes, an unreadable expression on her face. “You…you hate me”

He couldn’t believe that it wasn’t over. It really wasn’t, because she took off after a fight. But he would have thought at least it would be smothered a bit after a drink. “Not that again”

“She’d been going on about that” Yong Hwa said from behind him. Sung Gyu then felt him approaching him, and soon Yong Hwa was sitting on the elevated patio as well, a grave look on his face. “Gyu, did you fight?”

Sung Gyu stared at Yong Hwa tiredly and let out a groan. “What did she tell you?”

He seemed to consider the question for a moment. “She told me a lot of things”

“Yong Hwa…” Sung Gyu said tiredly.

“We talked about a few things” Yong Hwa said, giving him a close look. “And the gist of it is this. She’s a good kid, Gyu. A bit not right in her mind, buts she’s nice” A pause. “And she cares about you. Deeply”

Eunji murmured something under her breath, as if in response to what Yong Hwa just said and merely leaned against Sung Gyu who let out an exasperated sigh and sat on the patio himself. “Yeah right, if she did, she wouldn’t be doing this to me right now”

Yong Hwa’s eyes didn’t leave him, even though he surely attempted to make a joke out of the situation. In fact, the whole thing seemed like a big fat joke to him, and he was sadly the center of it. “I’m serious” Yong Hwa said.

Sung Gyu nodded, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yong Hwa…I…” He raised his head and looked at him as Eunji hung onto his side. “I don’t know how much she told you but-,”

Almost without warning, Eunji said some sort of gibberish and shoved Sung Gyu away from her, which made him realize that he better got her safely inside the car before she made a commotion and got everyone from the drunkards’ party involved.

“Let’s settle her first” Yong Hwa said.

“Right” Sung Gyu nodded, stood up and yet again tried to put his arms around her. She was fighting him again, unrelenting, shoving him off and muttering things about him hating her and having to sleep outside with the dog.

“Is she usually like this?” Yong Hwa asked as he put a hand on Sung Gyu’s back to steady him as he struggled to get Eunji on her feet.

“This is..” Sung Gyu gasped as Eunji pushed him again. “…the first time”

“You hate me” Eunji told him again when he tried to pull her against him. “Go away”

Sung Gyu knew she held grudges to some extent, and that her emotions didn’t quite change soon, but he hadn’t expected for that to go to that extent. “Look Eunji…”

An icy cold finger pressed on his slightly parted lips, and he froze. He hated himself for actually having found the feel of her finger on his lips endearing. “Don’t talk”

He came to, as soon as he lost himself momentarily. With a sigh, he grasped Eunji’s wrist and pushed her hand away from him, albeit gently. “Listen, I don’t hate you okay?”

Eunji quieted at that, and though she looked like she’s listening and perhaps, relenting, Sung Gyu was hardly convinced. “Now that we got it through, let’s go”

“But I don’t wanna sleep with dojjeo…” Eunji slurred, her feet rooted to the ground as the rest of her was attached to him.

“No, you don’t have to” Sung Gyu sighed. “Now come let’s get you to bed”

Eunji threw her arms around him, then, around his neck and buried her face in the crook of his neck. It was uncomfortable, to say the least, and only the fact that she was drunk kept him from shoving her away. Almost without warning, then, she took a long sniff at his chest and let out a contented hum. “Mmm You smell nice”

Yong Hwa started to laugh in response.

“That’s it, Jung Eunji” Sung Gyu replied sternly, and though his limbs hurt like hell, though he hadn’t done this in a very long time, he went with it anyway. Sung Gyu put one arm under her knees. The other around her waist and heaved her up in one pull.

“Oompf!” Eunji grunted as she grasped onto his neck for her dear life, her reactions so precise despite being literally half conscious, and Sung Gyu held her securely against him. Her hair, soft and dark, was cascaded against his shoulder, and her skin was so warm and tender against his own. She weighed as gentle as a cloud, surprisingly so, and it made his heart feel lighter. Eunji hooked her arms around his neck and giggled. “Are you taking me to bed?”

“Shut up” Sung Gyu muttered in disgruntlement and threw a warning glare at his friend. Yong Hwa helped him carry her down the slight slope towards the car and opened the door for him. Eunji was strangely calm them, hanging onto him, humming quietly, and it was strange, given that she was anything but nice just a few hours ago. Sung Gyu was in disbelief just how her moods shifted drunk while it rarely happened to her sober self. It would have been quite a convenience if it ever did. He tried not to look down at her as he carried her, nor to be affected by how she happily flung her legs as he walked. Once she was settled into the car, she let out a soft sound, something almost childlike. It took a moment for him to realize that she had actually fallen asleep.

“That solves everything” Yong Hwa said tiredly.

Sung Gyu quietly buckled her up and arranged her comfortably into the seat. She’s easily drifted off into a nap with no care to the word and he was surprised at how gentle and…pacifying she looked in her sleep. Sung Gyu refrained his urge to run his fingers across he cheek and push back the bangs covering her eyes, solely because he had audience watching him. In the end, he gently pushed the door shut and turned to the man who was quiet the entire time.

“We did fight” Sung Gyu admitted dejectedly, huffed and leaned against the car, his hands buried deep inside his pockets. “We don’t usually fight, in fact, we never have-,”

“Gyu” Yong Hwa folded his arms on his chest. “I asked her the same question…but, you two seem close?”

Sung Gyu looked up at the other, quiet for a moment, and rubbed his face. “She’s only Sung Jae’s baby sitter”

“She’s a child counselor” Yong Hwa pointed out.

“Well, she is….” Sung Gyu then took a deep breath. “She’s only doing a favor, really. And Sung Jae is just unhealthily attached to her so-,”

“Are you sure that’s all there is to it?” With his brows raised so hi that hey nearly reached his hairline, Yong Hwa asked him.

“What?”

“Is that all? Because I know you, Sung Gyu. And I know you enough to say that…that…” Yong Hwa trailed off and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You know she’s a great girl. And you’ve got to be happy…also…” he pressed a finger in between his furrowing brows and smoothed down his skin. “This needs to go away…just, think about it okay?” with a pat on his arm, Yong Hwa walked away from him, hands deep in his pocket, shoulders hunched; the same boy who came to the small village, lost and terrified all those years ago and easily opened up to Sung Gyu because they so effortlessly clicked together. Sung Gyu took a deep breath and called out to him. “Hey Yong Hwa!”

He turned around and gave him a smile. “Yeah?”

Sung Gyu smiled back, shoulders slacked, hands deep in his pocket. “It’s good to see you again” He said.

Yong Hwa grinned back, walking backwards and easy on his steps. He raised a hand in the air and saluted in return.

“You too, Gyu, you too”

The entire ride back home, Sung Gyu’s mind was in a whirlwind. Yong Hwa’s words were vague and sensible at the same time, which made him think of things that he never imagined himself to think about. What could she possibly have told him? What exactly did he know? Like said, Sung Gyu had never gotten Eunji drunk to the extent where she’d strip off her guards and be blunt and honest about her feelings. She’d been so guarded all alone, she’s kept her true self hidden like a gem inside her, letting him see perhaps only the shine that it gave out to everybody. He wanted to know more, hear her exact words; a reassurance of some sort, perhaps. Or maybe even the truth. He wanted to know what made Yong Hwa say what he said tonight, and if whatever he knew made Sung Gyu’s love for her no longer unrequited.

No longer unrequited. Was that what it truly meant? What then? What? The thing is, Sung Gyu had thought, the entire time, it was all about Sung Jae. She loved him, the child and nobody else. But the fact that she had thought of him as responsibility, and assumed that his behavior towards her meant that he no longer wanted her there…they seem to ring bells all around him. And there was something that he didn’t know but Yong Hwa obviously did. And if that something was exactly what Sung Gyu thought it was…

Well, then, that would change everything.

Sung Gyu glanced down at Eunji, deep in her sleep, her shoulders rise and fall with every peaceful breath and hair dancing softly in the wind coming from the fields. He finally had the liberty to look at her exactly in the way he desired, with no audience to grasp the affectionate look in his eyes. He felt light, like floating, like the two of them were in a different universe, just the two of them, and that said a lot of thing about exactly how he felt about her. And he wanted her, god, he wanted her, and that simply was not only in his life. He just wished there was a way he could let her know this, and if there was a way around it. But he knew it was as constant as anything, the way people perceived things just simply wasn’t going to change. The only way they would ever be together was in his mind.

When he reached home, it was dark, quiet and tranquil, only the sound of cicadas coming from the bushes and the slow rustle of the field could be heard. Sung Gyu killed the ignition and sat still for the longest moment, staring far ahead. Out in the vast lawn, over the straw mats laid idly down on the sandy ground were millions and millions of fireflies fluttering away. Sung Gyu clenched his hands tightly around the stiff fleece of the steering wheel, closed his eyes and let out a sigh. The ride through an imaginary universe had finally come to an end, and right now, he had returned to the real world, the real world where Yoora was still there, Sung Jae was still upset, Eunji was still mad at him, drunk and passed out and his life was still a mess. Though it lasted for as long as a couple of minutes, a time away from reality felt incredibly pacifying.

Once he collected his bearings, Sung Gyu spared just a brief glance at the sleeping girl in the passenger seat, unlocked the doors and stepped out. The cool late summer air greeted him with a gentle breeze, and the house was just eerily quiet after a day spent with much chaos and laughter. Sung Gyu walked around the car and carefully opened the passenger door, keeping in mind that she was leaning against the door, sleeping. Her lifeless self slowly descended to his side the moment the door was pulled wide open. Immediately reacting, Sung Gyu slowly pushed her back into the car, leaned over the seat and unbuckled her belt. She was a child deep in her sleep in his eyes. Her cheeks rosy, and eyes fluttering. The sight made a slow, involuntary smile spread across his lips.

It was when he was about to bring her into his arms that he remembered, the two bed spreads laid down in the bedroom. It was the guest room, previously the one his whole family shared, and although it was sizeable enough to fit the whole lot of them, Sung Gyu couldn’t possibly drift off to sleep, knowing that both he and Eunji were lying in the same room, the biggest and the most prominent barrier between them. He couldn’t possibly sleep, knowing that she was so close to him. Thus, she left her inside the car and hurried into the house where he found Yoora asleep in the bed made for three with Sung Jae beside him. He tried not to be irked by the fact that they didn’t even look like a mother and a child sleeping in one bed for the first time. Nonetheless, he rolled up the extra set and carried it into grandma’s room. It wasn’t that big and was cluttered with bottles of pills, pots of balm and a few boxes containing god knows what. The place smelled like balm, hair oil and old people. Sung Gyu quickly pushed away a few miscellaneous items littering the floor, spread the covers beside grandma, fluffed up the pillow, glanced down at the sleeping figure of his grandmother and let out a deep sigh. They were finally coming to the end of a long day.

Sung Gyu carried Eunji in side the same way he carried her into the car, his arms under her knees and around her waist, but only she wasn’t humming contentedly, flinging her legs, and no longer had her arms around him. She was deep in her sleep. She felt heavier, this way, but he finally realized what it was truly like to hold a very large part of his world. He carefully laid her down in the bed he had already made for her, and was relieved that grandma slept soundly through any interruptions. He hadn’t the intent to leave her there, just yet. He tucked her in, just like he sent Sung Jae to sleep every night, treating her with the same gentleness that he’d give to a child. It didn’t help that she appeared like one. Afterwards, with one arm still under her head, around her shoulder, Sung Gyu hovered over her and remained there for a moment. It took so much of him to simply suppress his urge to move down and kiss her lips away. He knew better of himself, not to. If he would, he’d never be able to stop, and he didn’t want their first kiss to be with her while she soundly slept. Nonetheless, he held her there and with a free hand, he pushed her messy bangs away from her eyes, stared down at her, and smiled. As sad as it was, this was possibly the closest they would ever be.

And so he told her the things he truly wanted to tell her, the things his courage won’t allow him to, had she been awake.

“Pabo…” He sighed, and tucked a long strand of hair behind her ear. He loved it when she did that. “I can’t even tell you how much I…” He trailed off and shook his head. “But you still think I don’t want you here…? If I ever tell you just how much I…” He trailed away again, he always did, because even to her sleeping figure, he couldn’t get the words out, as f they were too precious to be out on the open; but the truth was, if he ever spoke them out, aloud, he knew that it was a confirmation, and it would only weigh him down for an eternity.

He let out a long sigh, yet again and finally willed himself to retrieve his arm. She comfortably settled into the pillow, a small whimper escaping her lips, and she stretched her arms, which made her look even more of a child, and it made him laugh a tender one which died off as soon as it appeared. He quietly pulled the quilt up to her neck and thoughtfully stared down at her. “You know, Eunji….” He started after a long breath. “If you ever feel that you don’t…. belong there with someone, just remember that…well, you don’t need anyone’s validation to exist in someone’s life…you just do”

When he made it back to his own room to sleep, the work for the day finally coming to an end, he found Yoora wide awake, lying on her side and watching Sung Jae intently as he slept. To say that he was startled was an understatement, and the guilty feeling that he was somewhat intimate with another woman just in the opposite room, began to burn under his skin. He thought she had seen him, heard him and thought he was worse than anyone; he stood there for a moment, completely still, until she spoke without once averting her gaze. “He looks like you”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, and he felt relief settle in, which wasn’t any less of a guilty feeling, still, he willed himself to finally walk towards her, and then stopped.

He couldn’t possibly sleep beside her either. But he was too tired to go looking for another quilt. There was an extra pillow which had miraculously appeared, and that answered a lot of questions. Yoora had been waiting for him the entire time, and possibly knew that he carried the extra set to the other room, so she also knew he just brought a drunk Eunji back home and decided to not broach the subject. He let out a sigh and sat on the floor next to Sung Jae. He could live with that.

He too, stared down at Sung Jae, his child, and saw for the first time his own resemblance to his mother. It was the first time he was seeing them so closely together, and he wouldn’t lie, really. A strange sense of warmth and contentment settled inside him. It finally seemed like a family, they did.

“Yeah” Sung Gyu whispered, and his deft fingers slowly pushed away the soft curls from the child’s eyes. “But he has your nose, doesn’t he?”

“Oh, he does” Yoora whispered softly in return, her own hand his cheeks so gently, and it was a sight, he realized, that he had always wanted to see. She was quiet for a moment, and her gentle smile morphed into a frown. “Sung Gyu…I’m sorry…about everything” She said.

Sung Gyu remained quiet, staring down at Sung Jae and not once looking up lest she saw the look of mixed emotions in his eyes. And she continued.

“I…realize that I have put you through so much of trouble, and I…I still do. And I hate myself for doing that to you, to the both of you…”

“It’s good…” He simply answered, not looking up at her. He knew that it might have sounded defensive, hurtful even, but right now he didn’t feel like holding back anymore. And it wasn’t even about the fact that he was undeniably in love with Eunji while his heart still rested with the idea of a flawless family. It was about Sung Jae, and everything that he had to pull through. He simply didn’t deserve it. “It’s good that you finally realize it Yoora” He finally looked up and gazed at her. He wasn’t quite sure what the look in his eyes must have been at that moment, but the way Yoora looked genuinely stricken seemed to give him an inkling.

“Sung gyu…” Yoora mumbled slowly as she reached over to his hand. He relented, letting her hold it in hers, and though she felt warm, it wasn’t reassuring, it wasn’t as promising as he expected the simple touch to be. “I know…I’ve been a bad mother, but…I honestly…” She looked up at him, and the look in her eyes, pleading, hopeful, ignited a strange emotion inside him. “Sometimes, I just don’t know what I’m doing…I want to be a better mother to him, Sung Gyu. I love him…But I’m not quite sure just how to…”

There, right there, Sung Gyu didn’t know what to say. If she was the same Yoora she previously was (which, to some extent, she was) Sung Gyu knew for a fact that she had a bad relationship with her parents. The were cruel and controlling, they kept her under a strict watch and constantly made her feel insecure about lots of things. It explained all the many times she searched for an escape, at times in him and then at times in her long escapades. He didn’t know everything that happened after he got her pregnant, what could have transpired after them knowing of her mistake. He was pretty sure it wasn’t her fault that Yoora was this way. She simply was unable to give love to a child as a mother. She simply didn’t know. And in her eyes, it was visible, evidently so, just how much the prospects of being a mother scared her.

She tried, nevertheless. That has brought her here, to this point, and that was a long way she could have possibly gone considering everything she’s gone through.

But that didn’t mean he should easily forgive her. He should hold her down with guilt, he should make her understand where she went wrong, and most importantly, assure her that anyone could change and that it always included her.

There were so many things he could have told her, so many things. But all that came to his exhausted mind was simply to shrug in response. “Well, maybe you should try harder…”

That seemed to do the trick, somehow, as Yoora looked up at him with her widened doe eyes and smiled gently. “You look exhausted”

“I am” Sung Gyu admitted, his eyes drooping.

“You better sleep”

“Yeah”

There was the inevitable question about where he was going to sleep and how the arrangement should work. It’s been ages since he last slept in a bed with another woman who was not in any way related to him, and given the situation, in the same bed with a possible girlfriend. But Yoora seemed to be completely undeterred by the possibilities, as to what it could truly mean. She moved, a space enough for him to fit in left next to a soundly sleeping Sung Jae and fluffed the pillow up for him. “Come on”

And Sung Gyu was too sleepy to think too much about it that he simply gave in.

It was a strange feeling, having someone other than his son sleeping beside him. He couldn’t remember the last time when anyone accompanied him in his sleep. There’s been a couple of instances where he had gone to bed with his mother beside him, and then when he stayed overnight at work, which was only a handful of times, Woohyun or Dong Woo was there. But a woman, a woman. He had forgotten that they felt warm and tender against him, that he could feel their skin on his skin, that when they moved closer, only two layers of cloth separated them. He had forgotten that they smelled sweet and intoxicating and that their hair got in his eyes. It was a foreign feeling to him, one he found entrancing even, and it made him realize just how lonely his bed had been for so many years.

Sung Jae rolled to his side almost by instinct and settled in his embrace. He was small and warm, a familiar feeling that he was so used to, so he turned towards him as well, curling to his side, relishing the familiarity rather than stepping into unversed grounds. But then, Yoora’s slender hand s around him, making his skin prickle with warmth. She wasn’t being overly affectionate of ‘touchy’ like she usually was. It was a gentle embrace, a gesture which only seemed to imply that she was honestly trying.

He could feel her behind him, her soft breath on the back of his neck and her warmth pressed against him, and for the first time he felt secured, he felt he was no longer alone. One of her arms slid around him, slipped up his chest and held him close, and Sung Gyu fluttered his eyes close in response.

“Is this okay?” She asked him, her voice only a whisper, but reverberated against him.

It was then that he braved himself to finally look at her. Tentatively at first, only a twist of head and a slightest glance; but then she was watching him, close and observant. Their eyes met for one briefest moment, and he slowly turned towards her, the child still pressed against him on one side. They were both wordless as Yoora moved towards him, and he held her close, she pressed her head against his chest and let out a sigh. “It’s…okay” he whispered, threaded his fingers through her silken hair and closed his eye. He knew it probably wasn’t the best thing to do, to hold her in bed, it probably wasn’t fair for the both of them, for Sung Jae, and Eunji. But in a moment of exhaustion, passion and reassurance, nothing felt better than being held in someone’s embrace.

*

The next day, Eunji slept through the entire morning. Her head was pounding, the world was rotating, and tasted of cotton inside. Even if she woke up in the morning, it was for a briefest moment, only to find the sunshine seeping in through the parted sliding door and Dojjeongie poking her head inside, gazing at the visitor with great interest. She fell back into a deep doze right after and woke up in the afternoon when it felt warmer and sweat pooled under her collars and folds of her clothes. She was still in he ones from the night before, and her hair was as good as a crow’s nest. It took her a moment to realize that she was in grandma’s bedroom, and on a side of her quilt was a short table laden with a steaming bowl, a lid placed atop, cutlery and a bottle of cold water. Outside, she could hear voices; voices which she recognized as of Sung Gyu’s and Sung Jae’s. They were screaming and laughing over the barking of the dog and grandma’s yelling. They sounded like a family.

With her head pounding still, she crawled on her all fours towards the sliding door, opened it further and climbed out of the room onto the front porch. The sun was so brilliant that it almost blinded her, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the light. It was then that she saw them, Sung Gyu and Sung Jae out in the lawn, bathing the dog as it seemed but they were spraying water at each other for the most part. There was grandma, arms folded on her chest and reprimanding the two boys. Then, there was her, Yoora, laughing and calling out at the others, recording the whole thing on her phone. It was as if everything that happened the previous night never did happen, or else, they didn’t just matter, all for the fact that it involved her, and they never really cared for her.

For once, however, Eunji decided to not to give them the satisfaction of her breakdowns. Whatever happened, she had to keep her head up. One way or the other, Sung Gyu and her were going to part ways anyway. Sung Gyu would continue to live and suffer in his mistakes while Eunji lived a much fulfilling life with a man who was willing to give her his all. That was fair, that was how everything was supposed to be. And that was what she was going to live by the rest of the time.

She let them have their own good time and went to have a shower. The cold water splashing against her skin was soothing, and the hangover from last night almost instantly washed away. She took her time in the shower stall, wishing that there was a tub instead to sunk herself deep and wash her exhaustion away. Afterwards she doused herself in perfume and talc, got into the best summer clothes she had and walked out, her head held high.

Or, at least she made it to the door of the bedroom, but she stopped, instantly, as the door slid open and Sung Gyu, damp and hair dripping, stepped in.

It was a strange, enigmatic moment. Both of them stood there, absolutely still as the water dripping from their hair dampened their shoulders. His eyes were in hers, looking deep into her and it made her feel vulnerable in a way she had never felt before. They haven’t spoken a word since last night, since they vowed not to, and perhaps, this was the first time since then they were meeting like this, face to face, assuming that she didn’t do anything rash as her drunk self. The look on his face was…unreadable. His lips parted once, and they fell shut once more. The droplets of water sliding down his skin was making her feel things of all sorts. They’ve been standing like that for too long…

And then he moved away, past her, into the room, leaving her hanging with her own thoughts. She realized then that he was still holding onto it, onto not talking to her as she had asked him to. As much as she wished they could stop now, her pride didn’t allow her guards to lower. She was ready to play that game herself.

That’s how the day went by from that point. Again, the two of them were two ships sailing in a lonely sea, all on their own directions. Eunji spent most of her time alone, sitting under the shade of a tree, trying to figure out what could have possibly happened the previous night. She could have gone and asked Yong Hwa, but she was too embarrassed to even face him. They had lunch together, and as always grandma cooked up a feast and Eunji helped her by washing the dishes. Afterwards, Sung Gyu announced that they better leave. Until lunch, Eunji didn’t see him, or Sung Jae, or even Yoora. In fact, she didn’t see Yoora even at the lunch table. She didn’t see her after that time when she was recording the whole thing with Dojjeongie and Eunji went back to sleep.

While Sung Gyu did his goodbyes, Eunji did her own. She didn’t have many people to bid farewell too, and her briefest fling with Yong Hwa had so much as evaporated in the wind that she didn’t feel the need to prolong her goodbye with him. Afterwards, she walked along the length of the field and threaded through the bushes on her won. She talked to the dog and even the kittens over at Yong Hwa’s, then to some of Sung Gyu’s cousins who passed by. It had been long since she realized that Yoora’s car was no longer there, and she was relieved she wasn’t forced to see her leave. When Eunji returned to grandma’s place after her brief escapade, Sung Gyu was already loading the bags into the car while chatting with grandma. She caught the odd words then and there in their conversation, which didn’t matter to her, really. She went inside to find her own bags but as it turned out, Sung Gyu had loaded them into the car himself. So for the next few minutes, she sat idly by the porch, watching everyone else associating with each other and feigning complete ignorance to her.

Which was fine anyway, because once they returned home, she was going to tell Sung Gyu that she won’t be coming over anymore and cut their ties for once and for all.

“Baby sitter” Sung Jae called her, and she looked up from her phone, only to see him approaching her in hurried steps. “Appa said we’re going”

She didn’t so much as say a word, though doing exactly that to little Sung Jae was painful for her. Sung Gyu’s words echoed in her mind like a reminder, that she should stop playing a mother for him, and that was how she was going to start sniping every string which brought them together.

She bid goodbye to grandma, finally, and grandma held her close for a long moment, which was unusual. She was small and warm and smelled like the field and a bit of balm and hair oil. It was fine, nevertheless. Eunji pulled back and gave her a smile. As always, grandma didn’t say a word as she moved away. It was a quiet farewell, but Eunji didn’t forget to promise her to visit her again. She knew that it was unlikely for the most part, especially after she cut all her ties with the Kims. But at least she could put an effort to come see the old lady.

The ride back home from Jeonju was quiet. It was already late afternoon by then, and under her speculations, they would arrive in Seoul at least by late evening. She sent Woohyun a quick text to pick her up from Sung Gyu’s and a promise to call him by the time they returned to Seoul, and replied to all the texts she’d received from Howon. For every reply, she got another in response, one sweeter and loving than the next. Exactly the kind of response that she could never expect from a person like Kim Sung Gyu. Against her will, nonetheless, she had to take the front seat. Sung Jae was already inside and sprawled across it when she wanted to sit in the back, and from the driver’s seat, Sung Gyu was giving her sideway glances and extremely uncomfortable looks. She had to relent, and promised to herself not to find herself in such situations ever again.

However, as time passed, Sung Gyu’s quiet and ghostly existence beside her didn’t even matter to her. She relished in the beauty of the countryside, and then the passing city. The day was too beautiful to be ruined by Sung Gyu-induced sour moods. She avoided having to converse or even associate him at all costs.

Nonetheless, after a while, precisely at the time when they passed by that particular park where Sung Gyu had apparently had his first kiss; he talked to her. His voice was smooth and beautiful as always, as he said; “Yoora said that she was sorry”

Was it one way of telling her that he was sorry? Or was he trying to patronize her by bringing her up the first thing? Eunji didn’t question him, nonetheless. She folded her feet up on the seat, covering the exposed bit by her skirt and stared only out of the window.

After a while, though, as if he was responding to her unanswered question, he said; “And me too…I’m sorry...for every hurtful thing I said”

Eunji didn’t respond, still, knowing perfectly well that the moment she did, everything he did that night would reverse so easily and the pain she felt wouldn’t matter anymore. She wanted to hold onto it for longer, only so that his apologies could be validated by her response.

“In fact, Eunji, I…do have a fair reason. Yoora is Sung Jae’s mother, it’s something we’d have to accept no matter how she takes it herself. I don’t want to give Sung Jae a reason to hate her. He’s only a child, and by letting our disputes show in front of him, that would only make him draw further from her…and I don’t want that to happen” Sung Gyu was looking at her at that point, she could feel his eyes on her. “I don’t know what would happen in the future, but I’m pretty sure Sung Jae would have a mother one day. It could be Yoora, it could be…someone else. Regardless, I want him to see a mother just as well a mother would see him…I hope you understand this”

Of everything he told her, her mind was revolving around one single phrase. Someone else. Sung Jae’s mother could be someone else. Did that, could that possibly mean that she might stand a chance? Eunji’s hand fisted in her lap as she held back her words, biting her tongue to stop herself asking him exactly that. What if he was doting on her? What if he did have even an ounce of a fondness towards her? What if he saw potential in her not only as a mother but as a partner for life?

What if, by her walking out on him, tonight, with plans to move on and never return, she was ruining all her chances?

What then?

“And I don’t want to continue doing this” He was still talking to her, now his voice in the background of her thoughts. He sighed, and she glanced at him by a corner of her eyes. His hand was grasping onto the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles have turned pale. “This is stifling” He admitted and ran a hand through his hair. “Talk to me, Eunji”

That, that was enough to bring a small smile on her lips, a smile which disappeared as soon as it appeared, because her pride didn’t let her take her guards down. After a long moment, then, Eunji awakened her voice.

“Okay” She said.

“Okay?” Sung Gyu asked her.

“Okay” Eunji nodded in response.