Not responsible for any kind of crying, cursing, table flipping etc. You've been warned. The first part of an emotionally derailing chapter.

Family is the smallest unit in the society. There are two types in general; the nuclear family which usually consists of parents and their children; their own or adopted, and the extended family, which includes grandparents, uncles and aunts in addition to parents and their children. Family is the group that we are born into. It is not something we can choose. It is something we belong to.

Families are different from one another. You can say they’re unique, because no family is the same. There are lots of children in some families; like my friend who has four older sisters of his own. Some families only have one child. In certain families there are no parents; there are grandparents instead. Some don’t have children but lots of cats or dogs. That doesn’t make them any less of a family.

I think a family is a family if people in it love each other a lot, if they can’t live without them. That’s what makes family a very, very special thing. It doesn’t matter if your family isn’t perfect, not as long as you have each other.

And as for me, I only have my dad, grandparents and my baby sitter. We love each other a lot.
Because we’re family.

*

The warm days of summer were finally coming to an end. Trees have started turning golden brown, their crisp leaves floating in the gentle breeze, littering every street. A cloudburst would happen time to time, not so often, though, since it wasn’t autumn yet. Not entirely so. It was late summer, and the days were still slightly warm, and the sun still shone bright up above. There was not a sign of a rain when Eunji stepped out of school that afternoon; dull and exhausted, the ambiance of the ending season a match for the expression she carried at that time. Her eyes were darting around the place, trying to catch even a tinniest glimpse of the one person she missed the most; but all she could see was a horde of people, a whole lot of faces she didn’t know, and far ahead, a man; his gentle smile as his eyes were set only on her. He wasn’t the one she was missing the most, of course. The one she missed so much wasn’t even a man, so to say; though he would be one, someday. It’s a relief, still, that even though the one she soughed after wasn’t there within her sight, she had someone, someone to make her dull day a little brighter.

“Howon-Ssi” Eunji called warmly as she approached him, and the man, Howon, reached out and took her cold hand in his warm one, enclosing her in that comfort. “Hey, had a tough day at school?”

A tough day? The truth was, she could no longer tell if her days at school were tough or not. She couldn’t decide what having a tough day could actually mean. Was it about kids giving her a hard time? Or the teachers maybe? Or was it the constant pressure to finish the school syllabus within the limited amount of time she had? As it happened, however. None of them bothered her much. Everything related to work, to school, were more or less everyday matters which she was so used to dealing with. What she could, and would never be able to get her head around was this. Sung Jae had yet again gone to stay over at his mother’s.

She wouldn’t admit the truth to Howon, of course. There was only so many things that he was obliged to know, boyfriend or not, and she thought it simply wasn’t one of them.

“Yeah” Eunji shrugged, giving him a gentle smile. Lies and gentle smiles were all she could give him. In a way, it was to protect him, to protect whatever which had grown and nurtured significantly between them. If it meant that she was a part of a world entirely different from her own, a world where she could simply forget everything which hurt her the most, she would do anything for it, any day. And that world was Lee Howon.

“Eh, don’t think so much about them” Howon said with a chuckle as he gently squeezed her hand. His eyes were twinkling, like stars, when he looked down at her. “They probably don’t mean them, whatever they did to upset you”

Eunji thought about Sung Jae, being taken away under his mother’s shelter against his will. She thought about that hopeful look in his eyes every time he came to her room to tell her goodbye. The only thing she could wish they never meant was Yoora coincidentally hurting her own son in the manner she did and Sung Gyu consecutively feigning ignorance to it all. “Yeah, I really hope they don’t” She told him finally, and squeezed his hand in return.

They went out to one of their usual diners, where Howon enthralled her with all his stories from work and college and everywhere he could think of. His smile, the sound of his voice and the very presence of him helped her keep her mind off things, so many things, but it didn’t help how much Howon himself reminded her of him. There wasn’t a semblance of likeness between them. Nothing connected the two of them, not a single thing in common. But she couldn’t help thinking that if things had played out differently, it could have been them sitting there together, chattering away. It could have been him, enthralling her with his endless tales. They could have been together.

For this reason, Eunji was distracted and not herself half the time of the date. When she was with Howon, she tried her best to pay him her full attention at all times possible. But every time silence fell between them and her mind drifted away, there was only one place her heart ran off to, and not even Howon in all his perfect ways could stop her from doing that. He noticed. He knew. He most certainly did. There was no way that he couldn’t have taken note of the continuously distant look in her eyes. He always tried to blame it all on work, making her job sound like one of the toughest on earth. But as much as he attempted to convince himself, Eunji knew for a fact that what stood between them right at that moment wasn’t something which would simply go away.

She hated it that things had to happen that way. If anything, she wished things turned out differently so that they would be happy, all of them. But as it appeared to her, now, luck had never been on her side.

That evening, at the end of the dinner date, Howon brought her to the Nam’s mansion and instead of leading her to the gate, he parked the car in front of the gate and without a word, he reached out and took her hand in his. “I know there’s something going on, and I know that it’s got nothing to do with school” He told her, his deft fingers gently massaging the back of her palms. His eyes, dark and sincere, were looking right into hers, trying to pry into whatever the troubles which weighed her down, but as always, Eunji had her guards raised, the walls were impenetrable, and there was nothing for him to see through. “Talk to me, Eunji. You know that I’m always ready to listen to you…whatever you have to say”

And he was right. For months that they’ve been together, during which Sung Gyu and her had significantly drifted apart, it’s been him who was her listening ear. Eunji was careful enough to divulge him not too much of the details, especially not the bit where she madly loved her former employer despite his cold and eccentric ways. But she still could tell him the important bits. So far, he knew how she felt about little Sung Jae, how strong her motherly fondness towards him was and how much she wished the real mother would go away just so that little Sung Jae could be happy. She told him everything about the child, so much so that Howon himself had developed some sort of an affection towards him. She’s revealed a little about his real mother’s return and how much it affected the child. All in all, they spoke a lot about him, and for Howon’s knowledge, it’s him who held most of her thoughts and not both the father and the son as it truly was.

Eunji stared ahead for a moment, into the darkened road ahead and finally ripped her gaze away with a long, heavy sigh. “He’s written this essay for school today” She said slowly, and then reached for her handbag from which she retrieved the neatly folded sheet of paper that she had gathered from the rest of the essays of the second graders for their social studies class. Since Sung Jong, their home room teacher had an important appointment to attend to, she had to do the lesson in her stead, and seeing Sung Jae just sitting there among the rest of the students, the look in his eyes a beacon to her, she didn’t quite know how to respond. It didn’t help that the lesson for that day was family. She knew for a fact how Sung Jae felt about his own. Messy, dysfunctional. It could have been better when it was just the two of them, but with a mother whom he probably didn’t know what to feel about, she felt that the question was rather sensitive. But when she read his essay at the end of the class, Eunji could feel her heart fall right through her. Not only had he completely disregarded the existence of the mother he didn’t want to have. He had replaced her with the one person he always perceived in the place of a mother. Her. She was family to him, just in the same manner that he was for her.

Howon was quiet as he read the essay, and afterwards, he folded it back and handed it over to her. “He’s…creative” he told her in the end. Eunji could only nod in response, unable to fathom how she could broach the subject. She wanted to talk about it, this predicament, otherwise it would grow inside her like a looming ghost and heart her from inside.

“He…he sees me as a mother, Howon-Ssi” Eunji said in the end, looking down at her folded hands and noticed how pale they seemed. “He considers me his mother, not her…”

Howon seemed to contemplate this silently for a moment. Afterwards he slowly squeezed her arm, his warm gaze settled solely on her. “Listen” He started, his voice so gentle and full of concern. “I understand how much you love him, I truly do….” He ran his hand up the length of her arm and rested it on her shoulder. “But you need to understand that he’s somebody else’s child, a child with both parents no less, and what you have is an unhealthy amount of affection, which needs to stop…”

Eunji pursed her lips and turned to face him. “Do you really think it’s…unhealthy?”

Howon only watched her for a second, and took a deep breath. “Unhealthy might not be the right term, but…it’s not okay, and both of you are going end up getting hurt”

“Sung Jae and I?”

“Sung Jae and you” Howon nodded and squeezed her shoulder. “And he’s just a child, he’s not going to understand. But you do. And it’s you who should put the right incentives to…” he sighed and met her eyes. “…move away from him”

“But…” she started, thinking about the place that little Sung Jae stood in now. “Sung Jae doesn’t like his mother. He’s upset! And he…he looks at me, every time we meet, as if he wants me to rescue him, Howon-Ssi, I can’t just-,”

With every word she said, her voice grew sterner, louder, determined. It was only Howon’s gentle and soothing tone which could stop her. “Ssh Eunji, listen”

Eunji halted her endless flow of words and looked at him with anticipation.

“Listen…that might be true, everything you said; but it could be possibly because he hadn’t had a mother all his life, and the closest he had for one was you. But he has to get used to it, to learn that his own mother and the one he imagined weren’t the same…Eunji, he needs space to grow up”

She nodded in response, though she hardly agreed with him. It would have been fine if Yoora made a good mother. But she didn’t. Sung Jae hated her not because she wasn’t the mother that he had imagined, but because she wasn’t a mother at all.

But Howon didn’t give her a chance to let him know this. Instead, he went on talking, telling her all the right things she refused to hear.

“And I know that you have developed some sort of a motherly connection with him. But you know that you can’t be a mother to him, right?”

There, right there, was the truth. “Sung Jae has his own mother, Eunji. Besides I’m pretty sure Hyung…” Her heart constricted at the mention of him and she averted her gaze. “Hyung doesn’t want that to happen either. He wants their family to get together, and it’s obvious that he’s trying. And you trying to intervene is just…it’s making things even more difficult for him”

Eunji nodded to herself stiffly, and looked up at him. “Do you think I’m really making things worse for him?”

Howon smiled softly, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, as he held her hand in his. “It’s making things worse for both of you” He sighed, and with his free hand, he began to push aside the messy strands of hair which had fallen over her eyes. “Eunji, we have to understand that we live in a society which judges you with every time you blink. It’s wrong, unfair even. But it isn’t something you can change…” He softly the back of her hand as he spoke, his eyes focused on her hand instead of her eyes. “Your family is worried about you. They want you to be happy, and to be with a man who could give you everything, who doesn’t hesitate or hold back…because that’s what you deserve. Not…not to be a mere replacement”

She looked up at that point, baffled, but her words were stuck in upon seeing the stern, determined look in his eyes. “And we’re good together, aren’t we? We’re doing well. We make each other complete…” He looked up then, and their gazes met. With a soft smile playing on his lips, Howon reached a hand up to her and slowly caressed her cheek, the glimmer in his eyes so prominent that she instinctively felt her heart picking up. Nobody has ever made her feel that way. Not even-,

“I’m that man, Eunji. The one who is willing to give you everything. I’d…I’d love you, in every possible way I could. And if…” He trailed off and took both her hands in his. “If it’s a child that you want, we can work on that too. I’m willing to be with you as long as you want me to. And if it’s to make you happy, I’d do anything…”

Eunji gulped down the thick knot which had formed in , her voice had turned hoarse. “Howon-Ssi…”

“We can work it out, right Eunji?”

For the first time in her life, Eunji found herself giving in for the sake of a man who seemed to really, truly love her. “Yeah...we can”

Howon smiled and pulled her into a warm hug. “Eunji-ah…”

“Hm?” Eunji placed a hand on his chest and realized that his heart was beating so hard.

“Will you be okay?”

Eunji contemplated the question for a moment. Will she be okay? Would she ever? She thought about Howon, his arms around her, his face in her hair, his heart beating against her; she thought about how it all felt just right. At least for the moment, how right it all felt.

She might but be okay at that moment, not any sooner either. But one day, one day, she will be.

“Yeah” she whispered and allowed herself to revive in Howon’s arms. It didn’t feel the same. But this sensation, it was something she got to get used to. “Yeah…I will be okay”

*

Sung Jae sat in his mother’s dining table, a large, classy one with a glass surface and pieces of colorful pottery set in the middle. He was having dinner, at the moment, which consisted of a bowl of black bean noodles that she had gotten delivered a few minutes ago. It was kind of col and soggy when it got there. And Sung Jae didn’t even like black bean noodles. But after looking at his mother quietly eating a whole pile of boiled vegetables, he decided it was better than anything and proceeded to eat. What he missed the most however, was baby-sitter’s dinner. She never fed him take-away food, and she knew he didn’t like black bean noodles much. She always made his favorite food at home. Those lunch boxes which they would be shaking for hours until it’s gotten all mixed, and stuff he had found to be delicious on the internet that she’d make, though with endless complaints. He knew that this was only for a day. Tomorrow, it would be baby sitter making dinner for him, again. But he’d spend so much of time at his mother’s that it gave him the impression that the time he had left with baby sitter wouldn’t be very long.

“Sung Jae, you can’t play with food, you have to eat it all” His mother said sternly from where she stood by the countertop, simultaneously eating her vegetable concoction and typing away on her phone. She never sat in the dining table with him; even if she did, that was for only a few minutes until the land phone rang, and then she’d hang onto it for hours. After its over, she’d return to her handphone and be engrossed in it so much so that she’d forget that she had someone on the dining table. Sung Jae had never experienced something like this. His father didn’t use his phone when they’re having a meal together, and had told baby sitter to not to because he wanted to set a good example or something. Instead, he’d talk with him, ask him about school and friends and answer Sung Jong his questions about work. The only instances when he did use his phone was when he was involved in some important or difficult cases, and that wasn’t so often either. He thought mothers were the same, or even more than that. He thought mothers cooked hearty meals at home and sat with their kids, serving piles and piles of steamed rice or deboning the fish for him; not bringing take away food and eat boiled vegetables and be on the phone the entire time.

To be perfectly honest, himself, Sung Jae thought he’d been rather well without a mother. At least he had better food to eat and someone listening to him.

Sung Jae tried to eat, nevertheless, because mum tended to become scary if he didn’t do as she said. She had this look I her eyes which terrified him to the bones, and if he did something wrong, she’d yell at him or pinch him, even. Sung Jae was horrified. It was the first time he’d experienced anything like it. True, he had given his father a hard time in so many instances, but his father was nice. He’d tell him off, and Sung Jae had had his fair share of beatings, but at the end of the day, he’d always apologize, and they’d regroup; then he’d take him out for an expensive meal. His mother, on the other hand never apologized, and in turn, Sung Jae would remain horrified of her all his life.

There only so much his little tummy could handle, and she’d ordered a bowl so big that he hadn’t finished even a half of it. Still he was too terrified to take it to the sink and patiently waited until she left the kitchen so that he could dump it in the garbage chute. She didn’t leave though. Instead, she came to the dining table and gave him a cold, disapproving look. “Sung Jae” She said with a sigh. “Have you not been taught to not waste food?”

Sung Jae lowered his head guiltily, fidgeting with his fingers. But he couldn’t just sit their and get a big scolding when he hadn’t done anything wrong. His father told him once that in law, if you hadn’t done anything wrong and still got blamed for it, you had all the right to have a say. He’d always thought that things in law applied in real life. Otherwise they won’t teach those things at school. So he told her the first thing which came to his mind. “But m-mum I can’t eat more, I’m full and the bowl is too big for me”

At this point, his mother looked at him with cold, cruel eyes. “Sung Jae, did you just talk back to your mum?”

Her voice was so cold and hard like a thunder that his instantly regretted it. He’d been taught not to talk back, but not in instances when he hadn’t done anything wrong. But apparently his mother didn’t feel the same.

His mum shook her head in disapproval and sighed in response before she started to gather the cutlery onto a tray. “You haven’t been taught your manners, Sung Jae. You haven’t been taught a lot of things” She met his eyes for a briefest moment and proceeded to carry the dirty dishes towards the sink. “The only reason why I’m letting you off is because you didn’t grow up with a mum”

‘You didn’t grow up with a mum’ was something she’s told him much too often that Sung Jae had gotten tired of hearing it. It was as if she was trying to say that his father had done a terrible job in bringing him up. Sung Jae was convinced otherwise; he had seen everything that his father had to go through because of him. His former homeroom teacher used to always treat him badly and whenever the parent-teacher meetings came around, he looked like he’d be anywhere else but there. It was him who woke up the earliest every morning and went to sleep the last, no matter how hard he worked. All in all, he was so much better than his mother, who only complained most of the time, rather than treating him like mums in all those dramas and films did. To be honest, she reminded him more of the mums in the bad guy’s family.

He decided to feign ignorance, nonetheless, and went ahead to grab some water for himself. He’s been told that nobody in her home drank water straight from the bottle and left it for other people. Instead, they used a cup. His mum was already out of the kitchen that he didn’t know where to find a cup. The kitchen cupboards housed plenty of mugs in all colors and sizes, so he reached for the closest and took the one which fascinated him. Like most, it was a handmade mug with a distinct shape and a small, delicate dolphin as a handle. There were swirly waves decorating it and neatly painted in all shades of blue. He carefully washed it, poured himself a generous amount of water, sat in a kitchen chair and drank away. It tasted better to drink in such a pretty mug. He admired its artwork most of the time than drinking from it. He had to admit; his mother’s artwork was splendid and fascinating. It made him want to learn from her, but he was too afraid to ask.

“Sung Jae?” came his mother’s voice from the doorway, and he turned around, startled. The look on her face gave him the impression that he was in trouble. She approached him in slow strides, her eyes focused on the mug in his hands. Horrified, he slowly slid it to the center of the table and kept his hands to himself.

“Where did you find this mug, Sung Jae?”

Wordlessly he pointed at the cupboard he retrieved it from.

“I thought I told you to use the plastic ones” said his mother a little milder than usual and located a plastic cup from one of the top cabinets. Then she poured the content of the mug into it, handed the cup to him and walked away with the mug in hand. Since she seemed calmer than usual and not as if she’d start scolding him the next instant, Sung Jae decided to brave up and ask her, rather, tell her his fascination in art.

“It’s a very pretty mug, mum” He told her in a small voice, and his mum nonchalantly placed the mug on a top shelf, probably on a place that he couldn’t probably reach before turning around to face him. “It’s hand made. I made it” She said.

“It’s very pretty…” Sung Jae said again and bashfully fidgeted with his hands. “I like to learn how to make things like that…”

“From me?” his mum raised her brows.

“Yeah” Sung Jae admitted shyly.

His mother nodded, approached him and leaned against the counter with her arms folded on her chest. For a moment she looked like a very sophisticated artist, which she probably was. “Are you interested in art, Sung Jae?” She asked him.

“Yeah” Sung Jae nodded, this time a little more excitedly. “I like art and I’m good at it!”

“Really?” His mother asked, but she didn’t sound very excited like he was, but he didn’t mind because he already knew there was nothing which could excite her; well, nothing except for his dad but its something else he’d rather not worry about.

“Yeah, my home room teacher said that I’m really good! And appa said that we could hold an exhibition one day!”

“Oh…you’re that good?” She kept her brows raised and unfolded her arms. “Let’s have a look at it then”

Excitedly, Sung Jae quite literally hopped out of his chair and dashed across the rook towards his bedroom, at least the room his mother had assigned as his bedroom which looked more suited for a girl, reached for his school bag and retrieved his sketchbook. It’s in that that he had put down his best ideas. There were his idea for new innovations like cars and air planes and a whole lot of manga-style sketches. If he was to be perfectly honest, he was quite proud of his art work. One time when he, his father and the baby sitter had a spontaneous art competition, both his father and baby sitter ended up with sad looking stick figures; and they were supposed to be grown-ups. So, he supposed he had a pretty bright future in art. And honestly, if all those great artists saw his father’s drawings, they’d regret introducing sketching to the world and wish they’d become farmers instead.

He proudly carried his sketchbook and pencil set to the kitchen where his mother was yet again engaged in a telephone call. He had to wait a while rather patiently, and his mother ended the call really quickly, telling them that she had a visitor. Afterwards Sung Jae pushed the sketchbook across the table towards her and just waited for her response. She went through it, turning each page really slowly, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Hm” She paused at a sketch in particular and stared down at it rather thoughtfully. “Well, these are more like manga style art, aren’t they?”

Sung jae nodded enthusiastically and began to explain the piece of art that she had paused on. It was based on one of the dramas he watched on TV. Rather, it was his favorite, where there was this god-like person who had a sword in his chest. He thought it was rather cool to walk around with a sword in their chest all the time, and he drew a guy with an axe on his head instead. It was rather gory, to be honest. His father said that it gave him nightmares. But baby sitter said that it looked great if you looked at it with an artistic eye.

He explained the next few arts as well, giving her all the details that he had given his father previously, assuming that it’s what she anticipated the whole time she remained silent, just staring down at the pieces. Once all the sketches were done with, his mother looked up and gave him a long gaze.

“Sung Jae-ah. Do you like to draw?” His mum asked him again, and this time around, the look in her eyes made him contemplate the question. Did he like to draw? Or did he draw because he’s good at it?

“I like to” Sung Jae answered with much thought.

His mother nodded and began to turn the pages of the sketch book again, this time much faster and without paying much attention. “Well” She started, raising her gaze. “It’s obvious that you do like to draw, and its great that you have the…err…enthusiasm” She lowered her gaze and let out a sigh. “But looking at these, I don’t feel you have the…talent?” She looked up and gave him a smile, but he didn’t think a smile could fix what it made him feel.

Sung Jae had drawn since he was still very young. He liked to watch all those drawing videos on the internet and do the things they taught. That’s how he had learned how to draw the manga style sketches. He knew that his weren’t the best, but his father always told him that he was very talented that he was so proud of him. What’s more was that his father told him that he had gotten the talent from his mother. For this reason, Sung Jae had always dreamed of meeting her one day just so that they can share their ideas on drawing and he could show her his sketches. What he had never imagined was this; her ever telling him that he had no talent.

“You see…” She further explained, carelessly going through the sketches again. “There are people who like to draw but don’t have the talent. And its okay for that kind of people to draw, because they love doing it. But unlike the talented people, they have to work twice as hard…”

Looking up, she gave him a small, if not encouraging smile. “Maybe if you tried a lot harder, you can do well”

Sung Jae looked down at his intervened hands, dejected. Everyone had told him that he was talented, and he believed them. But now that he thought of it, everyone who’d told him that he was talented were people who drew stick figures, not people who made mugs with dolphins handles. His mum was someone who was what they called a professional artist. She had big art exhibitions and sold them to rich people for a lot of money; she’s someone who had won lots of art competitions. In fact, she was someone who knew a lot about art. Comparing to them, the kind of art he did, and his father knew about was nothing.

But still, he wasn’t going to give up. If he hadn’t the talent, he could work hard. He could still do great pieces of art one day.

“Mum can teach me how to draw well” He told her, regaining his courage and enthusiasm.

Her, however, didn’t seem to show the same kind of excitement that he felt. Rather, she looked like she’d rather not go through all that trouble. “Well” she started, closed the sketchbook with a thud so hard that Sung Jae was sure the manga people inside felt their world shake, and gave him a strange smile. “It’s difficult to teach people who already know art. It’s easier when they know nothing at all…now,” She climbed up on her feet, completely ignoring the fact that Sung Jae was crestfallen and was on the verge of tears and held out a hand. “Who wants to watch some TV?”

Sung Jae’s eyes were down-casted as he pushed his chair back and stood up. With slightly trembling hands, he gathered his art work and pencils and hugged them against his chest. “No, I want to sleep” He said.

*

When Sung Gyu finally arrived at Yoora’s after a day spent with a heavy amount of work, it was already past seven in the evening. He guessed that they had already had dinner, and he was too tired to stay for a meal anyway, so his primary plan was to fetch Sung Jae, talk to Yoora for a briefest moment and leave. His mental capacity simply wasn’t in the state to juggle any kind of hearty conversation, long or short, not even if it was with his girlfriend.

But when Yoora opened the door only to tell him that Sung Jae was asleep and that he hadn’t had dinner yet, Sung Gyu knew that his plans just flew right out the window. Yoora was never the kind of a person he could negotiate with in a tired state and win. But he was going to try, anyway.

“We can grab a meal on the go” he told her tiredly as he took his coat off. “It’s okay that he’s asleep, he can sleep in the car”

“But he seemed so tired” Yoora said with a disapproving shrug. “He needs a good sleep, and you can rest a bit while I put together something for dinner”

He contemplated this offer for a moment, turned to her and raised his brows. “What do you plan on cooking?”

“Western. Is Spaghetti okay?”

Spaghetti sounded a lot better than any meal they could fetch from a takeaway store on the move. Besides, she was right. He was tired, and Yoora’s place was a long way from home. Also, he needed a shower.

“Sounds okay, I guess” Sung Gyu agreed, which earned a delightful smile from her. “Is there any way that I can have a shower?”

“Oh! Yeah, come on” She replied quickly, and soon he found himself following her down the wide expanse of a corridor, up the stairs and what appeared to be her bedroom. Since he personally believed that entering someone’s bedroom was quite intimate, he stayed out side the door while she hurriedly went through her closet; but when she noted that he hadn’t followed her, she simply came around and dragged him inside. If he were to be honest, it just felt increasingly awkward and unnecessary, but Yoora seemed to be convinced otherwise as she cheerfully chattered away. She was telling him about all the things she and Sung Jae did that day, as usual, yet as much as he liked to hear about them and have that mushy fatherly feeling bubbling inside him, that night he wasn’t quite sure if he was following her.

Soon, he was handed over clean towel and clothes which he immediately clarified as male clothing. A thought that had been troubling him for quite some time resurfaced almost upon instinct. As far as he was concerned, Yoora hadn’t anybody else, and her two story home, which was definitely too big for one person was a property she had inherited from her parents upon returning to Seoul. She hadn’t divulged him anything about her past relationships, flings that could have happened during that eight years of time they didn’t see each other, and no matter how much Sung Gyu tried to pry into it, she would always change the subject and leave him hanging. The male clothes that she just handed over to him raised suspicion, and he couldn’t help but question her.

“Oh, these? They were just lying around, probably dad’s” she answered dismissively when he asked her; but that didn’t quite provide what he expected. In his opinion, if they were to get together, they should without having anything closed behind a lie. Yet, that wasn’t something he himself could admit to, because no matter what, he couldn’t deny that his heart was with another woman.

But that didn’t mean he’d still be with a woman who was hiding a possibly eventful past from him.

“They’re men’s clothes, though” He pushed on casually as he exited the walk-in closet. Standing among all those women’s clothes on display was rather stifling for him. “Why would they be lying around? Unless there was some guy staying over or something”

“That again?” Yoora laughed non-committedly and pressed two hands on his back, immediately putting an end to the conversation. “Come on, Sung Gyu, bath room is that way”

He had to admit, it was the first time he ever had a shower in a woman’s bathroom, and all the sweet scents, aroma of melting candles and forgotten clothing articles on the railings were making him feel all sorts of things. Unlike his expectations, there was no men’s toiletries products hoarding around, which in turn answered his suspicions. It was also a disadvantage on his part since it only left him her things to use and it was kind of strange to apply her soap or body wash that he skipped on it entirely, and basked in the comforting sensation of warm water raining over him.

Once dried and dressed (In clothes he found to be extremely shabby, hence, yet again answering his suspicions) He descended into the kitchen where he found Yoora cooking away. It was strange, and it might have been because he spent way too long among her personal belongings that he got so accustomed to her rich, intoxicating scent, but right at that moment he found her incredibly attractive. Or perhaps, he found women cooking away in the kitchen attractive in general, or there was a particular someone whom he found attractive just because he found her in the kitchen mostly. Nonetheless, he found himself drawn to her instantly, and his exhausted mind wasn’t thinking much as he leaned over her shoulder, taking a sneak peek at what she was cooking and surreptitiously taking in a long breath of her sweetest trace.

“That looks good” He said in a husky, tired voice, and Yoora hopped a bit, startled.

“God, I didn’t even see you coming!” She exclaimed, holding the ladle dangerously at his direction. Sung Gyu gave her a smile and moved away. “Is there anything I can help with? Grating cheese or something?”

“You know stuff around the kitchen?” Yoora asked him, sounding baffled.

“Well yeah, I lived alone for years, Yoora” Sung Gyu responded, his brows raised.

“I thought you had people helping around…like, you know, baby sitters…or girlfriends?” Although she did sound casual about it, the underlying sense of her words were hard to miss.

“Honestly?” He laughed bitterly, recalling all the times he had to pull through difficulty just so that he could raise his child on his own. “You can’t imagine, Yoora. There wasn’t anybody. I hardly had time for anyone”

She turned around to stare at him for a moment, and the entire house was silent save for the soft shimmering sound of the sauce. “Was it that bad?” She blinked, feigning innocence and all Sung Gyu could do was sigh in response. “I’d rather not talk about it” He climbed up on his feet from where he was sitting in the kitchen island. “So, anything I can do?”

She was quiet for a while, watching the sauce bubbling away, an obvious sign that she was affected by his reaction.

“Yoora?”

“Hm?”

“Anything I can do?”

Finally, she let the ladle rest in the shimmering broth and turned to face him. “You better check on Sung Jae”

“Okay” Sung Gyu nodded, and then for good measure, he strode towards her, placed a hand on her shoulder and kissed her softly on her cheek. He couldn’t help but be startled by how domestic the one small action felt. But he was tired. They both were, and they were together; they were the kind of things people who were dating did, regardless of the fact that he wanted to do those things with somebody else.

Sung Jae refused to wake up for dinner, and Sung Gyu had to literally feed him as he half slept. It was nothing new for him, and it was nothing new for Sung Jae either. It was almost mechanic, how he munched away as he drooped and rested his head on his arms, nearly falling face down on the table. But it certainly was something new to Yoora that she kept panicking he would choke.

“Relax” Sung Gyu said with a mild chuckle as he wiped sauce of his fluffy cheek. “He knows what he’s doing”

“But he’s sleeping!” Yoora whispered in panic. “Look, I’ll pack some up for him, you can get him to eat once he wakes up”

“Nah” he shook his head and laughed as Sung Jae muttered gibberish in his sleep. “He doesn’t wake up until morning…he’d be fine”

The entire dinner was quite an occasion, but Sung Jae did finish his entire plate, had water and was sane enough to greet them both good night before he fell asleep in his father’s arms. Yoora suggested that he let him sleep a bit more in his new bedroom and even suggested they stayed over. But Sung Gyu declined; it was a working day the next day and Sung Jae get cranky if he woke up in a different place from home. Agreeing to stay only for another hour or so, they shifted into the living room, and Yoora cracked open a beer. Sung Gyu took it the chance to let her know that he’d stopped drinking ever since Sung Jae came around.

“Seriously? Never?” She asked him, placing her own can on the coffee table as if in guilt.

“I mean, there’s been only a couple of occasions. But never when Jae is around”

“What were the occasions?” She pried, sounding interested.

“Just here and there, only about twice…” He sighed, frustrated that he hardly remembered any of them except for what came afterwards. “Anyway, I can’t, tonight. I got to drive anyway”

“Oh…” She smacked her lips, looking dejected and fidgeted with her fingers. He felt bad, as if he had done wrong to her twice that day, so quickly saving the situation, he patted on her hand and gave her a warm smile. “It’s okay, I don’t mind really”

“No” Yoora pouted and shook her head. She stared at her can for a moment and nodded as if she came to a decision. “Right, that can wait. Let’s talk”

“Talk?” Sung Gyu raised his brows and quickly glanced at his phone. It was ten in the night. He could spare another half hour or so. “Okay, fine, let’s talk”

And that’s what they do for the next twenty minutes or so. She asked him about work, he asked about hers. They discussed their child more often than not, and the topics varied time to time until the atmosphere shifted, slowly but gradually to the point where Sung Gyu found himself wrapped around her, engaged in a slow, sensual kiss.

And it wasn’t even the first time that he’d found himself in a similar situation. They’ve moved on over the time, from secretive dates, to holding hands, hugs and brief kisses to longer, more intimate make out sessions. Sung Gyu didn’t mind, really, because it had been long since he ever had a chance to kiss a beautiful woman and be intimate with one. Yoora was beautiful and she was aware of what she was doing. As much as he wished it wasn’t her in that place, Sung Gyu accepted the fact that it was going to be his fate after all, to be in the place that he was now, and he was going to make it work the best he could.

So he kissed her, long, soft and gentle; feeling her warm skin with the tips pf his fingers and taking her in with every breath. She responded to him just the same, or more intensely so, he couldn’t really tell. Her hands were around his neck, gradually untangling and then slowly descending down his chest. He didn’t mind that either, because her hands on him were reassuring, to feel and know that there was a woman, a girl friend, and not just any girlfriend but the very woman he had loved for the longest time, in his arms again. What he didn’t expect, however, was feeling her hand descending even further and further all until they landed exactly where he didn’t want them to be.

That was when he realized that they had gone too far.

“W-wait” He breathed out, pulling away from her, and she stopped only briefly before she smiled and kissed him again. “We’ll be fine” She whispered, and kissed him on the corner of his lips, her hand going to forbidden places once more. But he was quick enough, perhaps sane enough to move faster, take hold of her wrists and pull her away from him. He didn’t want to go to that extent any yet. In fact, he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to. What he needed right at that moment was comfort in his quickly crumbling life, but that just wasn’t it. “We better go home, Yoora” he told her, gently untangled himself, stood up and went right up to Sung Jae’s room.

Looking at his child, gathering him into his arms, it was hard to believe that he was there because of what happened between Yoora and him. He was refusing to go to that point with her now, as if it was alien to him when in reality it was just as natural as carrying the outcome of their love in his arms. It was confusing, he was uncertain of what stopped him then. It wasn’t like was a huge deal for him, like having with a beautiful woman would change what he felt about her or even, about the woman he truly loved. Nevertheless, the feeling that, that one act would change a lot of things in their entire arrangement kept gnawing at him. For tonight, he just didn’t need that. There probably might come a day when it’d feel naturally to be with her. But tonight, it just wasn’t it.

He flung Sung Jae’s back pack on his shoulder and gathered him gently against his chest. He slept so peacefully that it almost broke his heart to be interrupting his nap. But he also knew that what he was doing that night was the right thing. He simply couldn’t stay the night.

Yoora was down by the staircase, her hands wrapped around her and a solemn expression donning her face. As always, he couldn’t read her emotions; she was as complex as she had always been. Tonight, though, he didn’t even try. Judging by what happened, he could say at least she was heartbroken, and badly so.

“You okay?” He asked for the lack of better things to say, and she nodded in response, a small, unsure smile appearing on her lips. “Yeah, I’m okay”

He nodded in return. “I’ll call you…”

All she gave as a response was a nod, and she pushed a stray fringe of hair behind her ear. It took him a moment to realize that she had a small hand-made paper bag in her hand.

“Um, Sung Gyu?” She took a step towards him, holding up the paper bag.

“Hm?”

“I’ve…got this for Sung Jae…” a smile curled up on her lips, which, for once, looked real. “It’s nothing much, but…”

“What is it?” He asked, trying to take a sneak peek into the bag while simultaneously balancing the sleeping child in his arms.

“It’s…a mug. Something I made…he seemed rather fond of it, so…”

“Oh! He would love it” Sung Gyu replied brightly, recalling that time when Sung Jae went on and on about handmade cups and bowls in his mother’s home. Sung Gyu had come across a couple of them himself and was duly fascinated, and he could imagine how excited Sung Jae must have been to learn that his mother was as talented as himself. He was sure Sung Jae would treasure the mug just like he treasured his old quilt.

“I thought as much…Shall I put it into his bag?”

“No, I’ll take it” Sung Gyu held out a hand, worried that he would break it if he let it get crushed in the bag. Afterwards, Yoora led him to the foot of the door and waited as he carefully buckled up the child in the car. Afterwards she approached him, he put a hand on her shoulder and kissed her softly on her lips.

“I’ll come see you” He assured her in a small whisper, and she stepped away, a smile on her lips.

“Can’t wait”

But when he drove out of the drive way and across the cold, late-night Seoul streets, Sung Gyu was no longer sure of what he really, truly felt.

*

He was watching her, Eunji was certain. It had been long since she felt that strange, prickling feeling down the length of her spine, a feeling which only meant that somebody was following her with their eyes; but the only person in the kitchen at that moment was Sung Gyu, her former employer who was thoroughly engrossed in his phone every time she looked behind her. It happened a couple of times. Once, when she was toasting the bread, and then when he was pouring their mugs of coffee while she prepared Sung Jae’s breakfast. And right now, as he had breakfast, she was trying to do as much as kitchen-related errands that time would allow her to, not being able to ignore the feeling that she was being watched.

Although Kim Sung Gyu certainly had no reason to.

It was yet another one of those extremely rare days when she visited the Kims in the mornings. Since recently, as she got more and more involved with Howon, her time over at theirs was limited to only a couple of days, mostly after school and rarely in the mornings. If it was before, Sung Gyu would have complained, or been concerned even. He would have asked her about it, for the least, but now there was nothing; nothing except for thanking her every time she’d visit in the mornings. Its quite convenient for him too, because on those days he didn’t have to make the detour to Sung Jae’s school as Eunji took the responsibility herself. He was grateful, and it all showed in his eyes. Sung Jae was happier on those days as well, and so would be Eunji; all because she had her much-earned one-on-one time with her favorite child. But there were these occasions, the strange ones which made her feel intimidated, affected and much unlike herself, since recently whenever she came over. One was that she felt extremely unwelcomed, although Sung Gyu always accepted her with bright smiles like he always did. The second was that, well, Eunji wasn’t quite sure she could just be in the same room as him, knowing that he existed in flesh and bones, right beside her but still so far away. It was frustrating. Even more so when her brain gave false signals that he was, even the slightest bit, interested in her.

He was seeing Yoora. Everyone knew that. And it was quite obvious too, judging by how he carried himself, as if he was hiding the world’s biggest secret. It was a pity that his secret was all out on display. What was worse was that Sung Jae seemed to grow wearier over the time, and no longer appeared as active and cheerful as before. Spending too much time over at her place had begun consuming him, and even though she wished she had a way to stop it and change things, there was no way, not as long as she remained an outsider.

It’s been long since she accepted it that the world was a cruel place.

“Baby sitter!” A familiar voice called from behind her, and she felt her heart calming for once. She turned around, and didn’t fail to catch Sung Gyu’s amused gaze as he watched the exchange. He was quiet the whole while, as usual, and Sung Jae ran straight into her arms, making her lose balance that she almost fell to her back.

“Be careful!” Sung Gyu called, and stood up, even, but he just stayed there awkwardly as she laughed it off and regained her composure. “One of those days, Sung Jae, honestly” She chuckled and held him close. “Breakfast?”

On the rare days when she came in the morning, Eunji would make them their favorite breakfast. She never chose between them and prepared for them both. Since its difficult to get it all done in the morning, half the time she’d have it all prepared at home and bring them over to the Kims in containers. Her favorite bit of the day, she had to admit, was the moment when Sung Gyu’s eyes glimmer in gratitude. Sometimes, he’s in a loss of words. It was as if it’s the only occasion when he was affected by her, and she’d try to have it the best way possible. “You didn’t have to, Miss Jung” He would tell her, his smile so genuine and the look in his eyes so sincere that Eunji could swear she fell in love all over again when that happened. “It was nothing” She’d tell him dismissively, but the truth was, that smile, that look in his eyes, and him simply, was everything for her.

Breakfast, as typical as of recent, was quiet save for Sung Jae’s hushed voice telling her everything he did the past few days. It was obvious that he was skipping on certain bits, especially where his mother was concerned. Sung Gyu munched on, completely engrossed in himself; and though he appeared to be interested in things that Sung Jae was saying, it was obvious that his mind was far away. That morning, however, when it was time for Sung Jae’s usual cup of milk after meal, Sung Gyu presented the child a rather artistic mug with a happy smile on his face. Eunji immediately decided that it was a gift from her- Yoora- and no matter how unaffected she tried to feel, she couldn’t help but take in the intricate details of the mug which, in itself, was a work of art and feel she was as perfect as it was.

It was also obvious, however, the way Sung Jae’s face hardened upon seeing it. “Your mum wanted me to give you this last night, Jae” He told her, and ripped off the last stray bits of tissue before handing it over to him. Sung Jae, on the other hand, merely frowned and placed it on the table, making sure to push it right onto the middle. “Thank you, Appa” Sung Jae replied solemnly, showing little to no interest on the actual gift.

Sung Gyu frowned, and his hair fell over his eyes. “It’s a really nice mug, isn’t it? Your mother made it, especially for you”

“Yup, it’s very pretty” Sung Jae agreed and climbed out of his chair.

“You have your own mug, you can skip those plastic cups now” Sung Gyu pushed on, and though he tried his hardest, Sung Jae seemed unaffected, maintaining his solemn mood as he accepted his cup of milk from her. Eunji let go, nevertheless, confused, and stilled the moment Sung Gyu met her eyes. He was as confused as she was, but when he turned back to his child, it was obvious that he wasn’t giving up.

“Do you want me to wash the mug for you? She thought you’d like it a lot”

Sung Jae nodded again and wiped his milk moustache on a paper towel. “Appa, it should go on the top shelf” He said in the same solemn tone and gave him a strange look. But Eunji could read it, she could read it so well. It was her expertise. Sung Jae seemed intimidated, affected, scared. And it had everything to do with this mug.

“What?” Sung Gyu breathed, and she decided to take the matter to her own hands. It appeared that Sung Jae could do with a visit to her room today. “I’ll take that” She announced cheerfully, and when she took it from his hands, Sung Gyu just looked completely daunted, as if he was offended by some sort of a secret connection that Sung Jae and she had created. “Top shelf, yes?” Eunji asked, and Sung Jae pointed at the top most one, where Sung Gyu kept all his wine glasses.

“Here?”

“Yup”

Eunji carefully placed it on the top shelf, raising up on tip toes and then finally turned to him, asking for his approval. “All good?”

“All good”

And then she gave it one, two, three…five seconds before she asked the question which mattered to her the most.

“But why do you not use it, Jae?”

Sung Jae finished his cup, wiped his mouth and gave Eunji the most chilling look she had ever seen. Then he said in a voice which eerily reminded her of somebody’s, “Art should be…preserved”

*

Something had gone terribly wrong, and that was all he could deduce from the incident that morning, which haunted him throughout the entire day. He had thought, all this time that moments between Sung Jae and Yoora were going on well. Yoora seemed happier around the child and always had stories to tell about him; how they spent the day, what they did the entire evening, how much she was beginning to understand him. Sung Jae, on the other hand, had very little to say and he was always asleep when he went to pick him up. He thought it was fairly normal, given that he was almost always late to fetch him from her place, and that’s around the time when the child typically went to sleep. Come morning, he would be bright and dandy like he usually was, and seemed fine with the idea of spending the evening at his mother’s place. It was obvious now, however, through the entire ordeal he had certainly missed out on one crucial detail. One detail he obviously didn’t know but Eunji with her expertise knowledge, had an idea of.

But getting it out of her was as hard as snapping a rock into two.

He followed her all the way to her car without saying a word. Although he had said good bye to Sung Jae already, he was hell bent on dropping him off himself, because whatever happened, they had to talk and resolve it. And he was his son, no matter how possessive Eunji seemed to be.

And it was this strangest thing, really. In certain occasions, he felt as if they were a pair of divorced parents, struggling over a child.

In occasions as that moment, mostly, when Eunji buckled Sung Jae up despite his father’s disagreement and confronted him with burning eyes, inflicting an outrageous sense of ownership that a mere baby sitter wouldn’t have. “I’ll drop him off, we have things to discuss” Eunji told him sternly and turned away towards the car. He was surprised by the turn their acquaintanceship had taken. They were friends, best of friends, and all of a sudden, now, rivals, fighting over his child.

“You better tell me what’s going on, first, Eunji. I need to know why he’s suddenly behaving like that” He told her through gritted teeth. Glancing into the car, he could see him watching them, so he took hold of Eunji’s wrist and dragged her towards his car instead.

“Tell me”

Eunji looked up, and he could see fire burning inside them. The Eunji who stood before him now was the exact same one he found running away from him back when they were in Jeonju. And it terrified him. “I don’t know what’s wrong, that’s why we need to talk, boss”

He sighed, resting his hands on his waist impatiently and gave her a narrow look. “I thought you were a child psychologist; couldn’t you just get a gist of it by how he’s acting, so I can resolve it with my own son?”

Eunji rolled her eyes and leaned against the car, huffing. “You think it’s so easy to understand a child’s behavior?”

“I’m sure it isn’t but by what happened today-,”

She stood upright, then, untangled the arms which were folded on her chest and took a step towards him. “Look, boss. I don’t know what is going on, and that’s exactly what I’m trying to understand but you’re being extremely uncooperative right now. My advice to you, right now, is leave him alone”

He looked heavenwards, hating that defensive feeling, hating the need to point out the truth to her, but he went ahead anyway. “If you have forgotten, miss Jung, Sung Jae is my son. He’s mine. I know what’s best for him”

“Well then” She replied, giving him a look which only implied that she no longer cared. “Do as you please. But if you really knew what’s best for him, you wouldn’t force him onto an incapable mother”

“I’m well aware” Sung Gyu said sternly, and took his leave to take Sung Jae back into his car. Eunji was wordless as he carried the child across the parking lot, and didn’t even bid good bye which didn’t bother him either way. Buckling up his son into the passenger seat, he leaned over and gave him a warm, reassuring kiss on his temple, and crouched down beside him. “It’s been long we had a nice chat, hasn’t it, Jae?”

Sung Jae nodded slowly and turned to look at his father. “Yea…”

“It’s a nice morning, and…” Sung Gyu surveyed his watch. “We’ve got some time. You’d like a pastry on the way?”

“Okay” he nodded again, and Sung Gyu patted him on his knee. “Great, let’s go on, then”

*

There were loads of things Sung Jae learned during his stays over at his mother’s. She was like one of those mean mums they have in tele dramas, the mums who wear glamorous clothes and lots of jewelry and wants you to act like you’re seeing the queen of England whenever you sit down to have dinner. Sung Jae’s mum was obsessed with disciplining him. She’d always tell him that he hadn’t learned enough, and while he was pretty sure he did so well in school, she kept pointing out that what mattered wasn’t how much he learned but how he lived. His father had never told him anything like that. Nor had the baby sitter nor his grandparents. In fact, it was the first time he was hearing anything of the sort… amongst many other things.

And one of the many things that his mother had told him, what stayed the most and what scared him the most was not to tell anyone anything that would betray them. He didn’t know what betraying meant, and he had to ask her what that was. According to her, betraying meant a lot of things, and in this case, it was him not telling his father if anything bad happened between the two of them. Further, she told him that; “I’ve never been a mum, Sung Jae. I didn’t have a good mum either, and I don’t know how to be a good one. I’m trying really hard to be a good mum for you. I might do lots of wrong things and upset you, but they should always stay between us, okay? If you tell your appa, it will upset him a lot, and we don’t want that do we?”

In addition, she pointed out that telling his father about wrong things she might do was bad, bad behavior. Which was kind of true too, if you were talking about kids at school, in his opinion. Like, if you saw someone eating during school time and tell the teacher about it, the teacher would give him detention and that kid wouldn’t want to be friends with him again. Things like that always happened at school, and it was this one girl who always did that. In turn, everyone hated her now, and she didn’t have friends.

He didn’t want to make his father upset and make his parents be mad at each other. He had seen it enough times, them arguing a lot, and it would make his father really angry and upset. He hated that, really. For this reason, even though his mother made him sad a lot of times, he was going to keep them his secret for as long as he could. That’s to say, forever.

His father took him to his favorite pastry shop, and they both got chocolate croissants, which were his favorite. Back in the car, his father looked at his watch again, and probably because they had time, still, he didn’t start the car. He said they should eat first, and they do. While they did, his father asked him about his stays with mum, and he kept reminding himself not to say anything that could make him mad. He told him about all the art and pottery, the curtains and nice wall paintings which fascinated him. He didn’t tell him the part where he really felt he couldn’t do that kind of great art work one day. Instead, he told him how fun it would be if they had a garden and a two-story house. He thought they could do lots of Christmas decorations if they lived in a big house, and have a bigger Christmas tree. Also, she had a swing in the garden and he loved the time he spent swinging on it alone.

But he really, really kept all the bad moments to himself, because he wasn’t someone who betrayed people.

“So, are you happy staying over at mum’s Jae?” his father pushed on, reached over and wiped something off his cheek with a thumb.

“Yeah” He nodded, though it wasn’t entirely the truth. It wasn’t entirely a lie either. At least he loved a big house with a garden and balconies and an actual staircase.

“You don’t have trouble with mum at all?”

He thought about it for a bit and shook his head, focusing his eyes on his pastry. Sung Jae’s been told never to lie to his father, and it made him feel so guilty that he didn’t dare meet his eyes. But how does one not betray someone without lying? It was always one way or the other.

“Does mum…hurt you? Make you upset?”

These words immediately made him think about all the times he’d been pinched on his arms, all the times he’d been told not to touch anything, all the times she didn’t join him during meals, all the times she’d told him something hurtful, but decided that he didn’t want to make his father upset. He knew his father loved him so much. He had a feeling that his past home room teacher left because of something his father did for him because that’s what some of the students said; that he came to school and told the home room teacher that he’d have her arrested. That’s the kind of a father he had. And he really didn’t want his parents to be mad at each other because of him. So instead of saying anything, Sung Jae shook his head.

“Are you sure, Jae?” He pushed on, and placed a hand on his knee.

“Yea” He replied slowly, but he was too scared to look at him.

“Are you really, really sure?”

His father’s face was really close to his now, and it scared him if he’d find out that he was kind of lying. It would have been easier if it was baby sitter, but it was really hard not to tell his father the truth. But he had to. Because he didn’t want him to be upset.

“Yeah” Sung Jae nodded again.

His father let out a long sigh, and soon Sung Jae felt his shoulders being held in a really tight grip. “Sweetheart, look at me”

And he did.

“Are you really, really, really sure that you and your mum are okay?”

This time, he had to look at him and still lie to him, no matter what. Because his father should not be upset. He should never be upset.

“I’m sure, appa” He told him, and if it would make it better, he gave him a smile.

And appa didn’t talk about mum the rest of the way. Instead, they talked about Christmas although it was months away. And then he asked if Sung Jae liked to live in a big house one day, and Sung Jae had to admit, he absolutely liked that idea. He wanted a bigger bedroom, a big garden, swings and maybe even a pet dog. They could make a pet house for the dog, so he didn’t have to come inside, and he could teach appa how to not be scared of dogs. Then they could decorate it a lot during Christmas, during Chuseok, on his birthday, on his father’s birthday and maybe even on his dog’s birthday. There were loads of good things about having a bigger house. Now that his father was thinking about it, Sung Jae was going to do everything he could to convince him.

“And we can decorate the walls with your drawings, Jae” Appa said excitedly. “Not with the guy with an axe on his head…well, maybe in the tools shed? If we had one, that is…what do you think, Jae?”

Sung Jae felt a pang in his heart when he said that. How could he do such big and great drawings for their new house? He would make it look terrible, and that didn’t even have to include the axe-man. But he couldn’t tell him that, really. He was ashamed. He felt terrible because his father was convinced his art work were good enough to be decorations. They might look a bit better than his appa’s stick figures, but they still weren’t as good as his mom’s. And worse of all, he didn’t have the talent, and he didn’t feel like working hard anymore.

“Jae?” His appa called him, and he realized that he hadn’t answered his question. He couldn’t lie at that moment though. He didn’t want to. So, he looked down and fidgeted with his fingers.

“Jae, did I say something wrong?”

Sung Jae pursed his lips and kept his eyes down casted, not wanting to say it, but he did, anyway. “My art is bad…appa”

“Hm? What’s that, sweetheart?”

Sung Jae his lips and spoke louder. “My art…aren’t…they are bad”

His father was quiet for a moment, and he didn’t even realize that they have already reached school, not until the car stopped and his father unbuckled his seat belt. Then he turned to him. “Did someone tell you that they were bad, Sung Jae?”

He couldn’t tell him that his mother did. That would be betraying her.

“No. I think they’re bad” He replied.

“But why?”

Sung Jae stayed quiet and only watched his fingers, fidgeting with them nervously. He had already made his father mad, as it appeared. He regretted even telling him what he did tell him.

“Sung Jae…is it because of your mum?”

He felt another little pang in his heart, but he still didn’t say. He shook his head.

“Did she tell you they were bad?”

He shook his head again. And his father let out a great, big sigh as if he was carrying the entire world and it was making him tired. Then he said. “Sung Jae, I think you have the best art in the whole world, okay? Nothing would make me think otherwise. Not Picasso, not your teacher and not…not your mum, okay?”

Sung Jae nodded slowly, feeling a little something enlightening inside him. His father reached over and unbuckled his seat belt as he spoke. “Your art doesn’t have to be perfect, because nobody in the world drew perfect art. All of them have flaws, and its okay because art is an expression, Sung Jae. It shows everyone how you feel, so it doesn’t matter what people think about them…what is important is that you show what you want to show, and however you do is perfect as it is”

“Okay” Sung Jae whispered in turn, and he really felt like crying. But he didn’t, because strong people didn’t cry. That’s what dad always told him.

“And for me, you’re the best, most talented artist in the world. I think your art work are great, no matter what. I think your effort and hard work is so important. And I’m going to make you a great artist, one day. That’s what you want to be, right?”

“Cartoonist” Sung Jae mildly told him the truth.

“Cartoonist, that’s even better! Jae, I promise you, I will make you the greatest cartoonist in the world. And right now, you’re the greatest artist and cartoonist in my life, and I am so proud of you, okay?”

“Okay” he nodded again, and was startled when his father suddenly pulled him into a hug. It was warm and comfortable, like his father’s hugs always were. It was also kind of embarrassing, because they were at school and kids were passing by. They’d think he was one of those weird kids who cried before they came to school. So he tried to fight out of the hug, but then his father kissed him on his hair and said; “Sung Jae, I love you so much”

For once, because it made him feel so much better, Sung Jae relaxed into his arms, making a mental note to not pay attention to kids who’d make fun of him at school for looking like a mushy crying kid at school. “I love you too, appa” Sung Jae told him as well.

And it was fine, really. Because although his mum was mean, his dad wasn’t. Although his mum said cruel things, his dad said only the nicest things. Although his mum pinched him and disciplined him a lot, his father didn’t ever hurt him and didn’t think he was bad at all. They were like salt and sugar. It was fine, because sometimes, you needed a little bit of both good and bad to make things okay.

*

Sung Gyu didn’t usually carry his personal problems to work; but on that day, he most certainly did. The day was spent mostly with him being irritant at almost everyone. He snapped at Woohyun a countless number of times all because he wandered into the office on many occasions and the sight of him simply made his blood boil. At one point he accidentally-purposefully spilled hot coffee on Sung Yeol’s shoe-clad foot because he was being too loud, and then he skipped on going to Howon’s room a number of times, although he was continuously asked for. The only person whom he didn’t pour his frustration on was Dong Woo, all because he was being an understanding person and actually asked after his child. Sung Gyu didn’t say much. Having trouble was all he revealed to him, and when Dong Woo smiled and gave him a hard squeeze on his shoulder, it felt slightly better.

That afternoon, since Sung Gyu was ignoring him the entire time, Howon came to his office himself. Sung Gyu hated him, Sung Gyu hated his guts and his stupid face that he hardly paid him any attention, concentrating solely on his documents after giving him a briefest glance.

Howon was quiet as he stood the in the confined space of an office room, and letterhead of some sort of a government organization was slid across his table towards him.

“I’ve got this for you” He said.

“Why, are you firing me?” Sung Gyu asked, barely glancing at the letter, and it earned a tired sigh from the other. “Just read it Hyung”

And he did. It was a letter from the national police, and they were taking new recruitments for the Crime Scene Investigators unit in Incheon. The qualifications included five years of experience in a similar field as well as a college level knowledge on Crime and justice, criminal law and Forensics; all of which, as it happened, Sung Gyu had.

“I thought a position there would do good for you” Howon said awkwardly, rubbing at his insanely thick eyebrows. “You’ve been…stuck here for too long. You can do bigger and better things…”

Sung Gyu scoffed, although his hand was still holding the letter, and looked up at the other. “It sounds like you just want to get rid of me”

Howon rolled his eyes. “I’m not. It’s been a while since I received this, and honestly you’re the only suitable candidate”

“You didn’t ask anyone else?”

“No” He sincerely shook his head. “Like I said, you’re the only suitable-,”

“Okay” Sung Gyu replied and folded the letter along its previous fold lines.

“Okay as in you’d take it?”

“No” Sung Gyu shook his head and neatly placed the letter among his important documents. “Okay as in I’d think about it”

“Right” Howon nodded and proceeded towards the door; as he pushed it open, he gave Sung Gyu another one of his greatly intimidating looks and said; “Make sure you apply sometime, hyung”

And that’s what he thought about for the next few hours afterwards, other than everything else. He’d thought enough about the possibility of Yoora having been hurting his son, to the point of him almost believing in something that probably wasn’t true. And then he found himself thinking about Eunji and her oddly possessive behavior towards Sung Jae which seemed to grow and appear to be borderline obsessive at some point. She was confusing, thoughts of her weren’t taking him anywhere, and so he thought about his and Jae’s conversation from that morning; a new and bigger house. A better home.

He would admit it himself; Sung gyu had contemplated moving into a house and leaving their confined space of a pent house apartment behind. Having been raised in a country side, he never liked the idea of a place away from natural exposure and living in an apartment had never occurred to him before Sung Jae came around. Though he had chosen one for Sung Jae’s sake, it was high time that they both moved on. Sung Jae’s growing up, and he no longer had to worry about his safety around balconies and windows, he was a lot smarter than that. And his sheer excitement even in talking about a home had him reconsidering the thought countless times. Maybe it was time for them to start new, from a new place, a new neighborhood, and maybe even a new job.

Sung Gyu was in the coffee room, contemplating the possibility of this all and for the first time considering something that his newest rival Howon had offered while distractedly mixing his coffee when the door shut close behind him and Woohyun’s voice floated through the quiet room.

“The coffee’s running cold, hyung” he said, and soon he was standing beside him, meddling with the coffee machine himself. “Penny for your thought?”

“Ah no well, actually I-,” He started, mulled it over for a second and changed his mind. It was to early to tell him anything, or to just about anyone. He might have considered the new job offer but it wasn’t for certain that he would take it. Besides, it was in Incheon, which meant that he would be working somewhere out of Seoul, and in turn it would also mean that the new house he was considering also had to be Incheon, and it still a lot to decide in.

Either way, Woohyun didn’t seem concerned. Instead, with his coffee balanced in his hand, he stood beside him, leaning against the counter and took a long sip. “Got a minute to talk?”

Sung Gyu shrugged. “Got loads of it. What’s up?”

“Well…”

As it happened, Woohyun’s brother and Eunji’s sister wanted to talk to him, and was inviting him and Sung Jae for dinner over at their place tonight. Sung Gyu had mixed feelings about it. In fact, he had mixed feeling about Boohyun and Eunmi ever since the incident from Sung Jae’s birthday happened. Even though it’s been long since then and though they did meet a couple of times, albeit briefly, afterwards, Sung Gyu didn’t feel they were particularly fond of him. He felt as if they were scrutinizing him every moment, even the briefest, he spent in their company, and right now, having been invited over for dinner, he felt, intimidated. It was as if he was being called into the principal’s office.

Regardless, according to Woohyun, it was something of great importance and kind of personal that it was necessary they talked about in a more relaxed and natural manner. Sung Gyu wasn’t certain how he felt about that either, especially when they had only meant to invite him and he had to tell Woohyun that he had no one to take care of Sung Jae that evening, hence inviting him as well.

After Woohyun left with a promise to call him soon, Sung Gyu remained in the breakroom for longer than he necessarily should. He had a slightest inkling that it had to be something to do with Eunji. Eunji’s been acting a bit strange since recently which would have gathered Sung Gyu’s concern as well, if he was in her sister’s shoes. He had thought there was a limit to her fondness towards Sung Jae, but apparently there wasn’t and now she had begun to treat him as her own to the point where she was basically disregarding the fact that he had both his parents. It wasn’t helping that she constantly looked down on Yoora’s ability to change herself and become a better version of her, and the fact that Sung Jae too viewed her as more of a mother than he did his own was making things even worse. In that case, it was only fair that they were growing worried about her and wanted to talk with him. But on the other hand, the entire ordeal worried him too. What if they put the entire blame on him? What if they understood it as if it was him who was prompting Eunji to take up the roll of a mother by planting some sort of a superficial ideology in her mind that she was the only person who suited to be the mother? And even worse, what if they thought Sung Gyu was prompting Sung Jae to view her in that sense? He had enough problems to worry about as of now, and it was the last thing he needed on his plate right now. He already knew that their impression on him had significantly altered over time, and the more he thought about it, he felt as if avoiding associating them and even Eunji at all costs was the best way around it.

The time had come around, finally. It was the time for him to let her go.

It hurt him, really. It hurt a lot more than he imagined it would. It was as if he had finally come to the end of a phase in his life, and now it was time to accept his fate, to be forever entitled to an unhappy love life, not being able to be with the person he truly loved. If it had happened only once, he would have blamed it all on bad timing. But a second and a third time would only add up to an actual misfortune in his life.

That afternoon, he used up his only remaining half-day from work and picked up Sung Jae from school himself. He was already waiting by the gate for Eunji to come around, and Sung Gyu, not having the heart to face her again, sent a quick text informing her that he had picked his son up from school and that she needn’t to come over for the day. Afterwards, instead of going straight home, Sung Gyu took Sung Jae to his favorite store in the plaza, which sold the best brands of art supplies. Every time they visited the place, it hurt his pocket a bit, but now that he had come down to the resolve to finally move on with life, and also that his son really required some cheering up, he let Sung Jae toss into the basket anything and everything he desired. The only good thing about that day, perhaps, was the moment when Sung Jae’s face brightened up like sunshine when they arrived at the foot of the store. “Really, appa? REALLY?” He exclaimed, hopping a bit on his feet, and Sung Gyu found himself laughing heartily at his reaction, and it was perhaps the only time he actually laughed for the entire week.

Eventually they exit the store with a bulging carrier bag of art supplies in his hand, and also a sizeable canvas which he wasn’t certain would fit inside the elevator or even through the front door. It was fine, nonetheless, because Sung Jae was bright and happy again, animatedly talking about what he was planning to draw next. It was as if whatever the bad experience he had had, which led him to be convinced that his talent wasn’t enough had slowly dissipated and disappeared in the light of his encouragement. It was fine that Sung Gyu was still unhappy as long as it was only him who was the unhappy one, as long as Sung Jae was smiling and happy again.

Sung Gyu prepared an evening snack for them, some frozen wonton wraps he didn’t have a memory of buying but were still in good condition, poured some hot chocolate for the both of them and relocated into the living room where Sung Jae had spread out his large canvas and was literally on top of it, drawing away. He was so concentrated on his work that he didn’t even realize that his father was in the room, and when he asked what he was drawing, Sung Jae hopped a little, startled, and it made him lose balance and fall onto the canvas on his bum. Then they both broke out in laughter as Sung Gyu rubbed the child’s behind.

“It’s an abstract art, appa” Sung Jae explained, afterwards as they sat on the floor side by side, having their snacks. “I saw one like it on the internet. He drew all the places he saw when he was on a trip to another country in this strange way. I wanted to try it too”

Sung Gyu tilted his head and tried to take a good look at the art. All he could see were a couple of pencil , but he was certain it would soon develop into a beautiful work of art. “What are you drawing about?”

“This is appa and me” Sung Jae replied grinning. “I had a dream one day. Appa and I were detectives, and we were investigating a crime where someone had planted a seed which grow into man eating monster plants”

Sung Gyu laughed, tousling the child’s hair in response. “Are you sure you didn’t see it in a cartoon or something?”

“Nope!” Sung Jae exclaimed, his smile widening. “It was a dream, I promise! And appa, it looked so real. I felt very brave, like a real detective”

Sung Gyu chuckled as he lovingly ruffled his hair. “Now, what do you really want to be? Cartoonist or a detective?”

Sung Jae seemed to mull it over for a second, and smiled bashfully, covering his mouth with his free hand. “Can’t I be both?”

At this, Sung Gyu felt a little part of him melt in pure admiration. Sung Jae was the sweetest, most precious little boy in the world, and he only deserved to be loved, infinitely so, and be given only good things in life.

“Of course, you can, sweetheart” Sung Gyu muttered, smiling, kept his mug aside and pulled the child into his lap. He held him close, trying not to think about how different, how grown-up he felt against him, and rested both his arms tightly around him. “You can be anything that you want to be”

Silence ensued afterwards, and Sung Gyu found himself swaying slowly with the child still cradled in his arms. It was strange, but at times it occurred to him that he still hadn’t come to accept that Sung Jae was no longer a baby. He still was one, in Sung Gyu’s eyes, and his love for the child only grew with every passing day. It was also miraculous that Sung Jae hadn’t complained once, for being babied this way and for keeping him from going back to his work. In fact, he was quiet, as if deep in thought, his own hands playing distractedly with his father’s, and head leaning against the crook of his neck.

“Appa?” He called after a while, and Sung Gyu tilted his head to take a better look at his child.

“Hmm?”

Sung Jae looked up, his tuft of soft dark hair brushing past his cheek, and their eyes met for a briefest moment. “Appa, can we really get a bigger home?”

Sung Gyu’s hands grew clammy at that, and he found himself plunging back into his train of thoughts. The truth was that he had given it a lot of consideration, and had decided that the both of them really could do with a bit of change. They’ve been in the very same routine for far too long, and Sung Jae needed a bit more space to grow, and that was not entirely in the literal sense. They’ve lived in the same town for as long as he remembered, and even if they did change surrounding, that was when they stayed over at his parents’, which didn’t make much of a difference. Sung Jae needed to see the world, and Sung Gyu needed to start anew. Moving into another city appeared to him the best way forward to solve everything which weighed him down in life.

The only problem was that he didn’t earn enough to cover the mortgages and estate agent fees, not at least suddenly. He would have to save at least half a year’s salary, but that would be too long to put it behind. There was only one option left, just one, but that too required a lot more consideration and confiding; it was simply not a decision he could jump into over such a short span of time. But if it was a decision he had to make as quickly as possible? After all, deciding to move out of his parents’ place hadn’t been any different. It only required a simplest push to make a life changing decision, and it solved him a lot of things. So perhaps, if he would think of this only from his part without being considerate of everyone around him, he might be able to bring upon the much-required change in his life.

So, he decided to confide in it with the most important person in his life.

“Sung Jae-ah” He called, and Sung Jae soon slid out of his lap and sat on the ground, facing him. “You know, Sung Jae, your appa has gotten this new job offer, and-,”

“Really?” Sung Jae did a little excited jump. “Are you still going to be a detective?”

“Better” Sung Gyu gave him a haughty grin. “They are upgrading me to a CSI Officer?”

“C…S…I officer?” Sung Jae made a confused face. “What’s that?”

“A Crime Scene Investigator” He explained gravely. “It’s a bit like being in the police, but I’d be mostly going to scenes of crime and investigating evidence like finger prints and remains of the victim and things like that”

“Woah!” Sung Jae nearly hopped up on his feet. “Like in Television Shows!”

Sung Gyu chuckled in response as he heartily tousled his air. “It’s a good job. I like it, and if I take it, I will be able to afford a new house too…”

This time, Sung Jae did hop up on his feet. “A bigger one? With a garden and a swing and balconies?”

“Yup”

“Then take it appa!” Exclaimed the child in pure excitement. “CSI Officer is so cool! And we can have a bigger house too! This is great!”

“It is” Sung Gyu smiled at Sung Jae’s overly enthusiastic reaction, and then he frowned, realizing the weight of everything which came after. “But Sung Jae, if appa is taking the job, then we will have to move to Incheon”

“Incheon?” Sung Jae echoed cluelessly, and Sung Gyu nodded in response. “Incheon. And it’s going to be a little too far from school, so you’d have to go to a new school there…Sung Jae…” He reached over, took hold of the child’s hand and brought him closer. “Sweetheart, it’s going to be a big decision. It’s going to change lots of things. Appa will have to work twice as harder, and you will have to get used to new school, new teachers and new surroundings. I know that getting a better home is exciting. It is exciting for me too. But there are perks to it as well. So, if we are moving, we’re doing that only if you are fine with everything too…”

Sung Jae hung his head for a moment, thinking, and then slowly looked up. “But I am fine with everything”

Sung Gyu gave him a tight-lipped smile. “Maybe you are right now, but you might feel differently later on…so think about it a bit, okay?”

“Okay…” Sung Jae grinned in return. The conversation fell through at that point, and while Sung Jae busied himself with his art again, Sung Gyu sat back on the floor, leaning against the foot of the sofa and idly went through his phone. He read all the messages he had and skipped everything he had received from Eunji. He went through his K-talk account and deleted the entire conversation he had with her. He even deleted all the comments he had given on her Instagram posts and considered twice deleting his Instagram for once and for all. He was surprised at how he wasn’t even hesitant about it. He didn’t have to think twice as he gradually wiped away the traces of her on his phone. But when he came to the photos and his hand immediately halted upon locating the photograph of him, Sung Jae and her, the one they snapped during Sung Jae’s camping trip, Sung Gyu came into a sudden realization, with a pang. And that was that he was merely engaged in a fruitless attempt of wiping her away from his life, but all it did was taking off the traces of her on his phone, and doing that changed nothing about how he felt.

In the end, he just gave up, set his phone aside, leaned back, allowing his head rest against the seat of the sofa and closed his eyes. There was no point in trying to push her away from him. He could go distant himself from her as much as time and space would allow him to, but the fine tunes his heart made every time he would think about her were never going to change.

That evening, as planned, Sung Gyu drove themselves to Ansan, over to the Nam’s in utter silence. They had to drive a long way and Sung Jae was already tired after having spent hours sketching and erasing on his canvas pad that he immediately fell asleep. It was quite stifling, the silence in the car where his thoughts sounded the loudest. The entire ride, he was deeply engrossed in his mind which was wrapped around in thoughts all related to Eunji, Yoora and the whole impending change in his life. It horrified him, really. Change almost always did. But he also knew that it was the only way, that it was inevitable and that he had to accept in spite of how reluctant he felt. His relationship with Eunji, whatever it was, had now derailed and come to a complete standstill. It was difficult to save it now, to bring it back on tracks again. He realized, their parting had been approaching since long, and in any case, long overdue. He had let her go completely off tracks with their acquaintanceship, solely because of his selfish desire to just have her in his life. He had held her too close, way too close than he should necessarily have. And while it probably didn’t affect her the way it affected him, it certainly had taken a toll on her in the wrong way, to the point where she had deemed that they were somehow her responsibility. Though it had taken way too long, it was the point where they stopped and parted ways with no hopes to return.

When they finally arrived at the Nam’s, the large mansion was already brightened up with brilliant garden lights, and Woohyun was out in the lawn, freezing in the autumn cold and a strange look on his face. It was odd, but it immediately made him feel strongly unwelcomed, as if he’d been a fugitive they’ve been waiting to get their hands on. His biggest worry when he stepped into the house with Sung Jae tightly grasping his hand was running face first into Eunji and being put into a completely uncomfortable situation. Luckily for him, however, she was out on an appointment (which he was certain was a date, since Howon’s been mentioning it the entire day) and only Woohyun, his brother, her sister and their two-year-old baby were at home, and also Eunji’s two pooches who came running towards the front door and Sung Gyu almost screeched and climbed onto the nearest chair. He didn’t, since the moment the dogs came running, Sung Jae accepted them warmly and he was soon literally rolling around he floor. It was a convenience for the moment part, he could safely enter the house and he later on called the child inside. Woohyun chatted with him casually as he led him into the living room, talking about mundane things and not really going into the topic of the day. Eunji’s sister Eunmi, who strangely resembled her so much, introduced him to her two-year-old daughter Yeri, and meeting her, just seeing her cheerfully laughing away in her mother’s arms ignited a strange emotion in his heart. Longing. Desperation. Of course, Sung Gyu loved his son, he loved him beyond words. But a daughter…a little girl, another child. While he was reminded of Sung Jae’s younger days, it also occurred to him with a pang, another child, for him was a dream he probably would never have coming true.

Afterwards, Woohyun’s brother accompanied him in the living room while Woohyun took care of the baby and Eunmi cooked up a storm in the kitchen. Boohyun was a pleasant man, unlike Eunmi who still appeared a bit intimidating to him. It was always easy to talk with Boohyun, and he was a lot different from his brother who liked to appear tough and haughty and seemed to take offense in every big and little thing he would say. Sung Gyu, of course knew that his best friend had a soft heart underneath that strong persona, that false bravado, and thus he understood him. But tonight, everything was different. Tonight, he wasn’t there as a friend. He was there as someone who had unintentionally so, done wrong to their dear family.

Dinner was served soon, and they dined quietly, Sung Gyu busying himself with helping Sung Jae out with utensils as Eunmi fed the baby, cooing at her and trying to have her fed enough before preparing her to bed. The meal was delicious but still Sung Gyu was glad that it ended soon. The silence was too deafening in his ears. While they had coffee, the three men discussed work and mundane matters as Eunmi went to put the baby to sleep. Sung Jae was in the living room, playing games on Woohyun’s PlayStation while one of the pooches slept on his lap. It took a moment before Eunmi returned, and it was when she did that it all really started. Sung Gyu felt his hands growing damp the moment she sat down in the kitchen, a grave expression on her face. The conversation among the three of them halted immediately, and silence ensued as she settled herself. Afterwards she asked him the simplest questions. ‘Did he have a good meal? Is Sung Jae okay? He should be tired after work, and so on. A moment of silence ensued, then, and Sung Gyu tried to distract himself by playing with his phone. After a moment then-,

“I’m so sorry about inviting you over on such a short notice” Eunmi said pleasantly as she folded her hands on the table before her, and Sung Gyu quickly set his phone aside. “It’s a long ride to come all the way here, and you two must be tired after a long day…”

“Oh no, it’s quite alright, Eunmi-Ssi” Sung Gyu replied with a polite smile. “Woohyun told me about it earlier today so it wasn’t a hassle at all…”

Eunmi met Woohyun’s eyes for a briefest moment, who looked completely engrossed in the moment, and turned back to face him. “Then he must have told you the reason as well, I suppose?”

Sung Gyu felt his throat go dry. It felt as if he was being interrogated against his will. “He did…” He replied stiffly. And a fleeting moment of quietness followed until Eunmi cleared .

“To be honest, Sung Gyu-Ssi…we’re truly concerned about my sister” She said, worry etched across her gentle features. “She’s been acting strange, since recently, and we learned from her that she’s quite badly attached to your son…”

Sung Gyu nodded without a word, urging her to continue.

“And of course, we’re not blaming you for her behavior, not by any means” Boohyun added apologetically. “Nor your son. It’s solely her way of thinking that should be blamed”

“We can’t have it continuing, Sung Gyu-Ssi. We realize that it affects her badly and she constantly finds herself in unnecessary situations because of her rash decisions” Eunmi continued. “We’re appreciative beyond words that you accepted our offer when she required stability the most, but she had just gone beyond her limits. There needs to be a point where she should give herself more attention, and as how I see it, she is not giving herself a break at all”

Sung Gyu was surprised that they weren’t once putting it all on him, as how he had feared. He relaxed a bit, under the assumption that they did not think he had, somehow, lured into making the bad decisions that she made. “I understand, and I’m…” He cleared his throat, sitting up straight. “I’m concerned myself”

Eunmi and Boohyun glanced at one another as Woohyun only stared down at his hand. He felt the atmosphere growing a little darker, and he feared if he had said something wrong and decided to keep his mouth shut as much as he could.

“It must have been…quite an inconvenience…” Eunmi then went on, meeting his gaze, and he felt a prickle running under his skin. “Given that Sung Jae’s mother returned recently as well” Sung Gyu gulped down the tight know in his throat and avoided looking at Woohyun at all costs. He still haven’t personally told him about having gotten back together with Yoora, though he probably already knew. But Woohyun tended to be petty about lots of things, and his best fried not telling him about his new girlfriend apparently was one of them.

Sung Gyu cleared his throat and fidgeted uncomfortably. “It wasn’t…”

“That’s why we thought…” Eunmi went on, feigning ignorance to his incoherent muttering, and met his eyes. “We thought that it’s for the best that she stopped coming over to yours, Sung Gyu. Now that she had a steady job, she no longer had to work at your place, besides, with her getting too involved with your son, she’s just putting herself into a bad position…”

“We want her to settle down” Boohyun added from his part. “She’s already found her match and they’re taking off quite well…”

Sung Gyu felt a little part of him dying inside even though he tried not to let it show.

“But with her always making rash choices, along with her seemingly unhealthy relation to you and your son is, as I feel, getting on her way” Eunmi went on gravely. “But she wouldn’t listen to us or come to that decision herself, so-,”

“That’s why we need your help there” Woohyun, who was silent the entire time, finally awakened his voice, giving Sung Gyu a stern look. And soon, all three pairs of eyes around the table were focused on him and he started to feel mildly self-conscious.

“Sung Gyu-Ssi, we want you to tell her yourself that she must stop working for you” Eunmi bluntly replied, rapping her fingers against the polished wood of the dining table. “Otherwise there’s no way that we could convince her”

“She’s rather stubborn” Boohyun said with a soft chuckle, attempting brighten up the mood a bit. But to no avail, Sung Gyu’s had soured a long time ago. “We’ve tried to tell her couple of times, but she just-,”

“She’d never listen” Woohyun added in all seriousness. “I don’t know if she’d listen even if hyung would tell her”

“She has to, or Sung Gyu-Ssi must throw her out against her will” Eunmi went on and turned to face him. “You’d have to be forceful. She’s not the easiest nut to crack”

Boohyun nodded in agreement, and gave Sung Gyu a closer look, perhaps because he just quietly sat there, looking lost and confused. “The whole reason why we’re doing this is she’s never going to understand. We want her to settle down, have a good life. Her boyfriend is willing to give her everything, but she doesn’t just waiver in that direction. Even his mother is worried. She’s more on the side of picking up and walking away”

“And it would trouble you too, Sung Gyu-Ssi” Eunmi said with genuine concern. “Now that your…family is falling into place, I don’t want you to think you’re at fault, if that happens”

“It’s for her own good” Boohyun added as an afterthought, and then, the whole room fell quiet as the three of them watched him expectantly. It was as if the responsibility of the whole matter landed on his shoulders, and he could gradually feel it dragging him down. If he was perfectly honest, he didn’t want to be the one doing it. He knew how stubborn she was, he knew how hard it was to penetrate her thoughts, to convince her, but he also knew how easily she was hurt when pushed beyond her limit. He didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to break her heart. He simply didn’t want to be the one doing that.

But more than that, he didn’t want them to find out that a large part of him was still hanging onto the strings of her, holding her back and selfishly all to himself. He didn’t want her to leave. He wanted to see her and feel her every single day, and this was the only way which allowed him to have his heart’s fill. But what if that’s exactly what held her back from moving on? What if it was him, and that sense of responsibility she felt towards him because he himself was giving her the impression and the leeway to feel that way, was keeping her behind? He didn’t want to be the one who did that to her either. If anything, he’d always believed that she deserved only the best, and he just wasn’t it, though he, selfishly so, wanted to hang onto the last fibers of her trace and love her as much as he could. And Howon was a great guy. The two of them were good together. The only reason why he hated him was that he was senior to him and that he had the opportunity to be with the woman that he loved. But if it meant that Eunji could find her happiness with him, Sung Gyu would let her go. It was simply the only way.

Besides, he couldn’t risk them knowing how he felt about her. In their eyes, things were much different. And no family would ever want their only sister to be with someone who’s life had completely fallen off the tracks. He was more like a married man, though that hadn’t been sealed and labelled with documents and a ring. He had a woman whom he should be with. And if he ever took off with Eunji instead, he’d be doing wrong, not only to her but her family, his family, to Yoora, to Sung Jae and perhaps even the rest of the world. He’d be condemned for his rash decisions, for luring an innocent girl into thinking that she could find happiness with someone like him. He would be hated for whom he was, and she’d be unhappy. Sung Gyu could never let her be unhappy. Sung Gyu only wanted her to have all the happiness in the world.

And she could, only if he let her go.

It took him a moment to come to this decision, and although he had no idea how to go about it, he finally found his voice and dared to gaze at the others. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it” he tried to smile. “After all, it is indeed time for her to…settle. She is incredibly stubborn” He laughed a bit, trying to brighten up the mood but inside, he was dying. “I’ll try my best to convince her…”

“Okay” Boohyun said and laughed nervously, where Eunmi Joined him too and Woohyun gave him a wide grin. “Well, thank you, Sung Gyu-Ssi. Thank you for understanding. It’s been a pleasure to have her working for you. You’ve been a great employer”

“Probably the best” Woohyun added, raising his brows. “That she’s so reluctant to leave even after getting a job”

They all laughed, and Sung Gyu tried to join in too, but all he did was smiling, albeit a bit sadly, and muttering ‘Right, right’ in the end. It was strange that the whole decision lied in his hand. They could have just tried a little harder. Why did it have to be him basically firing her? Why did everyone have to trouble him? It wasn’t like he didn’t have enough on his plate already. Sung Gyu maintained a somewhat bright expression the whole while, afraid of giving himself away. The three of them were chatting amongst themselves for a while, leaving him to his own thoughts before suddenly Eunmi turned to him as if it suddenly occurred to her. “Oh! Before I forget” She said, reached over the table and passed him what appeared to be a small note. He surveyed it with narrowed eyes, quietly so, and felt his heart sink even further. It was a number for a new baby sitter.

“Since Sung Jae still needs someone to take care of him after school, we decided to find him a new baby sitter” Woohyun said with a grin.

“She is a retired teacher from our school” Boohyun went on enthusiastically as Sung Gyu stared down at the card in a bit of a daze. “She’s worked for our day care Centre too, for a couple of years but now she’s looking for more of stable work, mostly personal. And when we gave her the offer, she accepted right away”

“She’s great” Eunmi pushed on with a smile, perhaps in hopes that it would convince him. “She’s great with older children, and would absolutely love little Sung Jae. She’s hoping to start right away”

Sung Gyu stared at the card a bit longer, then looked up and gave them a warm smile as best as he could. The lady was again resided in Ansan, which meant that he’d probably have to pay extra for transportation, and maybe even have her staying over. But it was better than nothing. Besides he didn’t have the heart to look for anymore baby sitters. Eunji was the best he had ever had, and she somehow had set his standards, for both baby sitters and women in general. This was the only and the most convenient way. “I’ll talk to her, thank you very much, Eunmi-Ssi, Boohyun-Ssi” He nodded at the either of them and carefully pushed the card into his pocket. “It’s a great help, though you didn’t have to go through all that trouble”

“Oh, it was no trouble at all!” Eunmi dismissed him with a laugh. “And I hope she’d make a better baby sitter”

Sung Gyu said nothing at that. He only smiled, shrugged his shoulders and stayed quiet for a very long time. The conversation fell through at that point and nobody seemed to take note of his certainly sour mood. Woohyun and Boohyun tried to include him in their conversations and he only took a part of it just for the sake of it, but soon he looked down at the time and decided he needed to leave. It could have also been because he wanted nothing but to escape from their stifling company.

Later on, however, instead of leaving right away, Sung Gyu found himself standing in the cold outside in their lawn, watching him as Sung Jae played around with the poodles, Woohyun by his side. His best friend had a look of disdain which he never could read, and after a moment of silence, he said; “I hear that you’re seeing Yoora again”

Sung Gyu felt a rush of cold descending the length of his spine, yet he only gave the other a slight nod. “Yeah…”

“I thought you’d have told me, Hyung” Woohyun said, sounding hurt.

“I thought you might have known” Sung Gyu returned slowly, his eyes focused on the dark patch of grass before them. “Anyway, it just so happened. I didn’t think I should, you know…tell anyone” and then he added for good measure. “I didn’t even tell mum”

Woohyun laughed at it, bitterly so, a quiet laughter which only left his shoulders jostling, and it successfully made him feel guiltier. “It doesn’t make much difference” he said and shook his head. “But it’s alright, Hyung. After all, it’s your life. I hope you’d be happy with her”

“I am” Sung Gyu lied against his better judgement. “We’re okay”

Woohyun hummed in response, raised his eyes and gazed out at the darkening sky for a long time. Silence remained afterwards, only Sung Jae’s soft grunts and giggles could be heard and Sung Gyu watched his son as he ran all over the lawn with the dogs following after him. He felt another flicker of worry igniting inside him. However on earth was he going to tell the child he was going to have his baby sitter replaced? The child absolutely loved Eunji. Their bond was something completely unbreakable. The two were inseparable best friends and Sung Jae constantly viewed her as a motherly figure. Sung Gyu knew it was him who allowed it to happen, but he never imagined that one-day things would take this turn. The other day, he could have been fine with the whole getting a new school and moving out business. But Sung Gyu was pretty sure he never even thought about the possibility of leaving his beloved baby sitter behind.

“Hyung?” Woohyun’s voice cut into his thoughts, and Sung Gyu managed to finally avert his attention to his best friend.

“Yeah?”

Woohyun was quiet and contemplative for a second, and he said; “I decided to postpone the wedding”

This time, Sung Gyu fully turned to face the other. “Why? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Bomi and I are absolutely fine…” He muttered and awkwardly rubbed his neck. “It’s because of Eunji, actually” Woohyun finally turned to face him, and at the mention of her name Sung gyu felt the flicker of sadness in his heart intensify. “Noona wants me to wait until she settles herself. And right now, she’s just sitting on the fence, and it’s possible she’d just choose to fall onto one side” Woohyun laughed bitterly as he thought about it, shaking his head. “On one side, there is the guy who chose her, the guy who was chosen for her by everybody…and then on the other side-,”

Sung Gyu narrowed his eyes, feeling his skin prickle in an emotion he didn’t know to exist. Was it anger? Frustration? Jealousy? His eyes were dead set on the other when-,

“On the other side…there’s the guy she chose to love” Woohyun finished lowly, and shook his head again.

“Wait” Sung Gyu started in a mild tone, trying not to let his worry show, and ed his shaking hands into his pockets. “There’s another guy?”

Woohyun’s eyes widened as he broke out into a flittering laughter. “You didn’t know? Of course, you didn’t”

Sung Gyu could literally feel his hands shake in his pocket. So, it was why she was so reluctant to let go of Sung Jae? Because the child was somehow her getaway from all the problems she had in life? Because she had another guy?

Who the hell was this other guy anyway? Immediately so, he started to think back to all the dates she’d been on. There was this idiot, the married guy, and then there was this creepy weirdo who invited her over on the very first day. And then there was this…, it’s the Seung Ho guy. He’s almost certain that it was him because he remembered how upset she was when he quite literally abandoned her off on the restaurant curbs. He was good looking and polite. There was no wonder that she-,

“You really have no idea, hyung?” Woohyun cut into his thoughts, his eyes narrowed as if in suspicion.

“No” Sung Gyu shook his head. And Woohyun’s tone somehow made him feel as if even his assumption was wrong. Who on earth was it then?

Was it Woohyun? Was that why he looked so haughty about it?

Was that why he was postponing the wedding?

And how was he ever going to find out now? Unless he asked Woohyun himself?

“Well, Woohyun-,”

“Are you sure you have no idea?” Woohyun went on, raising his brows. “Absolutely none?”

Sung Gyu parted his lips, ready to speak out his suspicion, but then, he just shook his head. This earned another noisy laughter from Woohyun, which only made his suspicion grow. What if he was right? What if it was Woohyun and it was him they were talking about the whole time? He realized that they didn’t mention Howon’s name, not once, and Eunji didn’t seem entirely fond of him anyway. But Woohyun on the other hand, they’ve known longer than Sung Gyu had known her, and their relationship seemed a bit off for a sister in law and a brother in law, even for a sister and brother. What if it really was the case? What if they wanted him out of their hair so that they really could-,

“Hyung”

“Hm?”

There was a strange smile playing on his lips, and then when Sung Gyu’s eyes met his, he could see an odd glimmer in his eyes. He reached out his hand then and squeezed his arm, albeit gently before he said;

“It’s you, Hyung, Eunji is in love with you”

*

Eunji could swear it was him. She could recognize his white Lexus from miles away. She’d started out her day quite terribly, thanks to the very same person in question and the streak of bad luck had continued the rest of the day. She had a particularly nasty class under her care for two hours, and had to punish a couple of kids for not having done their homework. And then in the afternoon the coordinator called her in and informed her that she was in charge of the second graders for their practices for the year end concert; and second grades classes meant that she’d have to spend the entire day with Sung Jae and simultaneously ignore his existence otherwise she’d break down into tears by the mere sight of him. He made her day even worse by snatching her only chance to see the child away from her under very short notice, and she’s been in a loop of a sour mood the entire day that she didn’t exactly involve much in her dinner date with Howon and his overly sensitive mother. This, somehow led to further complications and curdling Howon’s mood as well, and so he drove her home a little earlier than usual. That’s when she saw it, Sung Gyu’s car driving down the lane to her home.

She didn’t know that he was supposed to be there, and her sister would have told her if he was coming over. But why? He hadn’t a reason to visit them unless it had something to do with Woohyun, but Woohyun hardly stayed at home these days. She could swear she wasn’t seeing things, and Howon confirmed it by slowling down a bit as the car passed by, and Eunji saw his dark silhouette inside the car, though not clearly, but it made her feel even worse. By the time they did reach home, she was absolutely certain he’d come over, or at least that they’d had visitors because otherwise the garden light wouldn’t be on and Woohyun wouldn’t be out by the door struggling to get her pupper inside. Eunji felt a mixture of emotions inside her. Anger, frustration, desperation and longing, a tinge of excitement as well, though she had no reason to, and all she wanted at that moment was to rush back into the house.

But Howon, surely was convinced otherwise. Though he did slow down the car by the gate, he parked it a little further away from him. He killed the ignition then, and sat quietly for a long while. No goodbyes, no see you again, but just utter quietness which gave prickles down her skin. Eunji knew that she had made him mad that day, but she had never made him mad before. He wasn’t the kind of a person who easily got mad, but then again, she wasn’t the kind of a person who easily drove people mad either. Eunji didn’t dare climb out of the car. She realized, she owed him an explanation.

So she let out a long sigh and folded both her arms in her lap. Her eyes were only focused on her fist as they held tightly onto the ruffles of her sleeves as she said; “Howon-Ssi, I’m sorry about today, I didn’t mean to…”

Howon drew in a sharp breath and immediately shook his head, him solely staring down at his hands. “No, Eunji. I’m sorry. I guess I just lost my patience there”

“It’s…understandable” Eunji said slowly and lifted her head, facing him. “I haven’t exactly been cooperative-,”

Howon tsked and shook his head. “You know how my mum can get…but,” He turned to gaze at her fondly, and it relaxed her heart for the moment. “You did nothing wrong, and I’m really sorry…”

Eunji gulped and muttered in a small voice. “Don’t be…”

“It’s okay, we’re okay” Howon retorted reassuringly and grasped onto her hand. He caressed her skin for a moment, and she watched him, slightly dazed. His hands paused on her then, holding onto her warmly, and he let out a sigh. “You must be tired…let’s get you inside”

But when Eunji climbed out of the car and he too climbed out after her, it wasn’t heading back home that they did. Eunji stood there by the foot of the door, feeling that something strong was simply holding her back from leaving. Something significant. She looked over at Howon, and saw thousand many emotions in his eyes. It was him that kept her from going back home. Going back meant that the bubble they always developed between them would burst until they’d meet again, going back meant that she was dunking head first into the pains of her life again, going back meant that she was interfering the small world of their own that they’d made up together. Somehow, she wanted to remain in that place for a little longer, to be held in his gaze, to feel the warmth of his hands, to be loved. If she left now, their entire world would stop turning until they’d meet again, and she would have to be in the company of her lost love and misery, with the knowledge of having her truest love so close but not having him, with the knowledge of everything she loved were gradually drifting away. She knew, it was selfish, it was wrong. But tonight, she needed that comfort. She needed him.

It was as if Howon felt the same way too. He watched her across the car for a longest moment, but then he rounded it and came towards her. She stood still in the dark, her breath forming white smoke in the cold autumn wind, and when he stood right before her, only inches apart, she stared down at her feet, feeling her heart thudding frantically against her ribs.

Howon moved first. He was so precise, so sure, and soon the warm tips of his fingers lifted her face up at him. Eunji kept her eyes wide open, and she saw the glimmer of millions of stars in his. He searched in her face for a fleeting moment, a questioning look flickered across his face, but then it soon replaced by determination, a tinge of hope and maybe even love. He moved closer to her, she let her eyes flutter shut, and soon, his breath fanned against her lips, the tip of his nose brushing past her cheek. Eunji held her breath, and he kissed her.

It was soft and tentative as first, as if he was afraid to test the boundaries. But when she reacted to him, her arms grasping his shirt, a small, surprised gasp erupting from her lips, he encircled his arms around her and kissed her deeper, longer as if he was sealing an everlasting promise to her. It went on for the longest while, and when he finally moved apart, she was smiling; it was soft, uncertain and unexpected, but still it urged him to run his knuckles gently down her cheek and let his hand rest there, cupping her cheek, and he smiled. “Eunji-ah…”

“Howon-Ssi…”

Howon took a deep breath then, and a small step back so that he could reach for her hand on his chest, and held it hard against him. “Let’s seal this deal” He said.

“W-what?” Eunji whispered, widening her eyes.

“Let’s seal the deal, Eunji. Let’s see how far this would take us…”

Eunji just let his words hover in the air around them, feeling her heart sink and also raise at the same time. It was this strangest feeling. But she could feel the doors closing, the chapter turning, her slowly stepping into a new phase in life. This could be it then, if Howon truly was willing to pursue her thus far. This could be the point where her life would turn for good. Then she no longer would have to worry over a child who never was hers, be a part of a family which was slowly crumbling apart. And though it hurt her, just the thought of it, thought of him, she no longer would have to cry over a man who would never love her back. She could move on, she could be happy, and finally, she could be loved.

“Eunji, will you be my girlfriend?”

At this, Eunji smiled tentatively, and raised her hand, grasping onto the wrist of the hand which held him. “Thought I already was?”

Howon grinned at that, moved towards her once more and kissed her, deep, sweet and long. When the barricades vanished, and the emotions intensified, Eunji could feel the atmospheres gradually shift. Howon was soon pressing her hard against the side of the car, and she was literally off her feet. Her hands were wounded tightly around his neck, her fingers threading his hair; engrossed deeply in the kiss. When he moved away then, they were solely inches apart. His breath warmly fanned against her lips, and his hands on her made her skin prickle in anticipation. It has been so long. So long since she was last loved like this. And it felt beautiful.

“Eunji…” He called and dragged a hand down her back. “Would you like to come over?”

And when she nodded, kissed him again and agreed, she was convinced that she had moved on, that she was finally finding her comfort in another love, another heart.

What she didn’t know at that moment was that, when she left her home that day, hand in hand with another man, lots of things had changed.

*

Hi

I found the strength to write again. I hope I did well with this one. It was so emotional and difficult to write. I suppose the coming three chapters will be even harder, as we're in the final bits. Anyway, the next part will come out soon (because i'm on study leave) or much later (Because study leave is supposed to be spent studying for obvious reasons, hehe) and again, I am not responsible for any kind of cursing and yeah.

On an end note, love you all!

Ps: I might not update around the time of the comback hype because, let's face it, Infinite is more important

Pss: I love Nam Woohyun, a beautiful boy.

Love, Achini. (Does this come after Ps? Idk whatever)

Also, MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS EVERYONE