Okay, I lied about three things.

1) The next update was going to be after 20th but my impatient bum couldn't hold myself back from writing for several reasons.

2) There was only going to three more chapters and this one was supposed to be the one before the last two, but no. This is a filler chapter before the actual deal so there's still 3 chapters left. It might differ based on how I feel.

3) The kiss was going to be in this but I left it for the next chapter because otherwise this chapter would have been like 40,000 words long, which is unacceptable in, idk, some standards.

Anyway, here goes. Read the author's note?

“So, what do you think?” Sung Gyu asked her softly as he placed his hands on her shoulders from behind her.

“It’s nice, I like it” She told him, squeezing his hand in response. “The kitchen is really nice, I like it that it opens to the backyard; and not too big, not too confined” She looked up at him and smiled, making him smile in return. “I love it”

“Okay” he told her and squeezed her hand in return. “Thank you, mum, you always know the best”

Sung Gyu was in Incheon, and just as he had done four years ago, he was in a real estate search together with his parents, relying on their opinion rather than sticking solely to his preference. As always, the two of them accompanied him without complaints and after having looked at about five-six homes, they finally found the one. When his mother said that she felt it when they stepped in to the small, suburban home, Sung Gyu didn’t deny that he did so too. It was just so homey; the open planned interior, how it opened up to the garden, letting in the fresh air, and especially the calm and serene neighborhood. It was one of the many houses in a small, friendly housing scheme and all residing there were lovely little families, who stood out in their gardens, wringing clothes or sweeping the autumn leaves in their drive ways, conversing with each other over the short walls. The previous tenants of the house have been a young couple who had a permanent transfer to the US that they had to sell the house away, and immediately. Sung Gyu had to beg to keep it for him until he could check with his parents; it was too much of a valued deal to let go, and now they were here; him already in love with it, and his parents carrying all the blessings.

“One more thing” Sung Gyu asked the estate agent as the two of them went through the paper work. His parents were outside, talking to some of the neighbors they had made friends with while Sung Gyu took care of the rest of the mortgage process. “Is it possible to install a swing outside? I was told that I wouldn’t be able to in the backyard because of the piping line…”

“Sure” nodded the estate agent with a smile. “The front garden is fine, there shouldn’t be a problem”

The house was perfect; there were three bedrooms, two on the first floor and the topmost one was a single room itself, with a receding roof and a wide glass paneled window, directly opening up to a similar window next door. The moment Sung Jae saw it, he decided it was going to be his bedroom. It was twice as size as his old one, and though it didn’t have a balcony, he decided the large window served its purpose. While he was admiring the window the first day of their visit, he happened to learn that there were two other kids of his same age living next door, a girl and a boy, and he immediately grew flustered with all the staring they did; as if he’d landed from a different planet, he said. But Sung Gyu already liked the entire concept of twins in his neighboring bedroom. Little Sung Jae was having a hard time with the pace that their lives were going, and he really could do with some new friends. The garden was quite sizeable with short walls that even Sung Jae could look over it, and a nice fancy gate to the driveway. There was a cobble path leading to their doorstep, and for his amazement, just like in their previous home, the intercom was snapped. He couldn’t help but laugh at the familiarity of it. Perhaps it was what which made him immediately decide that it was home.

“You’d be able to move in only about in two weeks” The estate agent explained as she gathered her things. “Although we do get the confirmation and transfer documents in three days’ time, the house still needs a bit of repairing; we want it in the best condition, right?”

“That should be fine” Sung Gyu replied, smiling. “But please the intercom as it is” he added quickly, making her give him a confused look. He laughed it off rather awkwardly and explained her his reasons; she too, laughed in response before adding that this had to be the strangest selling she’d ever done.

The estate agent had been rather helpful throughout the process. In the beginning, he wasn’t sure if he was going to buy the house or just rent it judging by how things were going. He was running low on money, since it’s been only a couple of weeks since he started the new job and there wasn’t much left of his savings. But then the old tenants said that they needed the money, and fast, he had no choice but talk to his parents about it. Their resolve was simple and complex at the same time, but he realized that there was no other way around it. Three days later, he put his own house on sale and moved out to his parents for the time being. The penthouse really had been a lucky place, it got snatched as soon as it was put out in the market, and for a large sum of money. As bitter sweet as it was to let it go, Sung Gyu saw the prospects of fresh new beginnings.

On the day they moved out, Sung Jae and he stood in the hallway, hopelessly watching them as the movers carried their things out of the house; as it slowly became empty and only their fond memories in that place were left behind. Once it was cleared out completely, it didn’t look like their home anymore; it was the same as looking at other people’s houses that they’ve been doing the past few days. It was a strange feeling, really, but he couldn’t fight the nostalgia as he made their final rounds around the house together. From the living room to the bedrooms and then the kitchen where, strangely so, he had way too many fond memories that he just couldn’t leave behind. Sung Jae was in his bedroom, gathering the last of his belongings, the posters and miscellaneous items which were precious to him, while Sung Gyu stood against a kitchen cabinet, feeling his heart constrict in an indescribable amount of pain. It felt like yesterday that he last stood in this place, watching the one woman who held his heart and wishing that he’d be able to see her there every day. As painful as it was to leave his home now, he knew that the longer he stayed the more the pain would be, knowing that she wouldn’t be near this house, near him anymore. All he could do now was wish, regret and recall all of his fond memories with her together, and hope that she would be happy, happier than she ever was with him, wherever she was and whatever she did. With a sigh, he turned around and dragged his hand along the stained cabinet surface, a sad smile on his lips. It looked so used and so old now. The burns from when he had accidentally placed hot pans were still there, and also stains from the times they’d spilled coffee or sauce, it still very much so looked like a place someone lived. But only emptier, quieter…As he reached the place where they used to keep the swear jar, he smiled. The jar had been so heavy, especially after she started coming that it had left quite a mark on the wooden surface; it was like a map to their good times. But he knew that they were never going to last long. Storms were impending, and he knew already, though he was never prepared. The storms have passed now, eventually. Better, sunnier days have come, and now he was moving on.

“Appa?” Sung Jae’s voice soon echoed in the hallway, and he turned around to see him carrying a basket full of his stuff in his arms. It was strange, looking at him now. He was still a little boy when they first moved in, and the first thing he did in that house was ruining the intercom which had since remained the same. Now, moving out, he was a child much calmer and matured than before; it was amazing how so many things have changed over that time.

“You ready?” He asked him softly, and with a pout, Sung Jae nodded in response. Sung Gyu strode over to him, crouched down before him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s hard to believe we’re leaving, isn’t it?” He asked him, and Sung Jae only shrugged, though his eyes seemed to carry a plethora of emotions.

“But our new home is nicer” He said in a brighter tone, appearing a lot stronger than his father was. Sung Jae had to go through a lot within the past month. He was consecutively met with Baby Sitter, who, although still talked to him, was more distant than she used to be. Sung Gyu never talked to him about her, but there were the moments when Sung Jae would accidentally mention their exchanges and Sung Gyu would feel like his heart was about to burst. He wasn’t certain if it ever showed on his face, but Sung Jae slowly learned not to talk too much about her; either way, the school month didn’t last long. As soon as the term end concert was over, it was time for him to enroll for the new school year; by that time Sung Gyu had already started his work in Incheon so travelling back and forth was too much of a hassle. He was able to manage, with his parent’s help for that one month but it was time for him to transfer. The process was lengthy and difficult, but soon Sung Jae was transferred to a new and a bigger school in Incheon. Even then, however, they still lived in their old apartment so the long hours of travelling across the city was a pain. It was a miracle that the child and even he himself maintained their positivity through the difficult times.

“It sure is” Sung Gyu grinned and gently tousled his hair. “We’ve still got to wait a bit before we move in, though” he told him gravely, but his cheerful stance didn’t waver once. “I still like staying with Grandma and grandpa” He said, reached out and patted on his arm like a grown up, making Sung Gyu laugh. “It’s okay, Appa. Now we have a bigger home…”

“You’re awfully positive for a kid your age, Jae” He said, as he climbed up on his feet. Then they both fell into a moment of quietness as they looked around their old, empty penthouse for one last time. It was odd, to say the least, but he could almost hear the echoes of their voices in the house. The living room, emptier than ever before; held way too many fond memories for Sung Jae that it showed in the way he stared at it for so long. Sung Gyu let out a long sigh, his heart hurting so much that tears nearly welled up in his eyes. With a loud sniff, he reached down and took the child in his arms. He wasn’t exactly in an age to be carried around; but Sung Gyu would still do it until he was too tall to be carried in his arms. Sung Jae instinctively threw his hands around his neck, and Sung Gyu kissed him long on his cheek, holding him close.

“This is weird” He said out loud, his voice echoing in the now empty apartment, and breathed hard lest he broke into tears like a child. Sung Jae was quiet for a while, and then he turned to his father. “Appa, let’s leave a sign that we were here” He said gravely, and Sung Gyu raised his brows. “A sign?”

“Yeah” the child nodded vigorously before he shimmied out of his arms. Sung Gyu could only watch him, perplexed as he rooted through his box of miscellaneous items and soon produced a blue permanent marker. Then it hit him, he let out an awkward laugh.

“Sung Jae, the house is sold; we can’t do anything to the walls”

Sung Jae pouted in response. “Just a small thing, just a teeny-weeny thing... please?”

Sung Jae was there making a cute, pleading puppy face that he couldn’t help but give in; after all, he’s always been weak to his cute whining. They’d already stained the kitchen cabinets and the intercom has been broken for years; so a little drawing on a wall couldn’t hurt.

He let out a sigh then, and reached out a hand which Sung Jae soon held with a little hop of excitement, and Sung Gyu laughed n response.

“Where do you want to draw it?”

“Hmm” Sung Jae looked up at him hopefully, and hopped again with widened eyes before he took off running. Shaking his head, chuckling to himself in response, Sung Gyu followed after him to find him in the living room which was completely void of furniture, in the exact place where their sofa used to be, crouched down on the floor, drawing concentratedly. Sung Gyu crouched down as well beside him.

“What are you drawing?” He asked softly as he peeked into the scribbles, and then his heart fell through the floor.

“You, me and baby sitter” Sung Jae said softly, and Sung Gyu felt a thick knot forming in his throat, an indescribable amount of emotions was igniting flames inside him. Sung Jae put the finishing touches to the stick figures he’s drawn; him, tall with thin eyes, Sung Jae much shorter with the same eyes and then beside him was her with long hair and a big smile. They seemed happy. They looked like the people they once were in this house, and probably will never be again.

“It’s…nice” Sung Gyu muttered and swallowed hard. Sung Jae only hummed in response before he wrote underneath in neat, clear handwriting;

‘We were here’

*

By the time they moved into their new home in Incheon, it was deep into the autumn and a soft, cold rain was pattering away, the damp ground littered with red, brown and golden leaves. Sung Gyu with Sung Jae held close to him, stood in the garden under an umbrella, his parents beside him, quietly watching their new house being loaded with their old furniture. For the past two weeks, it was all laden in his parents’ home and it was much of a pandemonium. His father’s old car had to be parked outside in order to fill up the garage with all his furniture, and the rest were littered all over the house. Walking through the living room wasn’t possible without running into a piece of heavy furniture and bruising a knee in the process, and his old bed had to be pushed to a corner to make room for Sung Jae’s one from the penthouse, his own bed and mattresses filling up a side of the garage. Two weeks later, however, they were here, and his heart was heavy in a way he didn’t imagine. Staying with his parents had healed most of his wounds, but the prospects of living alone, yet again in a completely foreign place and a new neighborhood was scaring him, no matter how amiable the place was.

By the time the last article was taken inside, it was raining heavier than before, the wind carrying the rain was soaking them. But the house was in no state for them to stay in, not even through the rain. It had to be decluttered, and he had to do it himself, giving instructions to the movers which left Sung Jae on his own. His parents were just about to leave, their taxi already parked outside the gate. His mother, as always, was reluctant to leave, saying that she’d rather stay the night, prepare them a meal and help him figure things out. But the house was nowhere near to be able to house two people for the night, let alone four, and his father was already growing tired, grumpily sitting in a corner by himself. It took much of Sung Gyu’s persuading to convince her, continuously pointing out how tired his father seemed. Reluctantly still, she finally gave in. Sung Gyu accompanied them through the rain, not minding getting damp as he kept them securely under the umbrella. His father gave him a quick hug and promised to call him soon, but his mum, on the other hand, started to cry. It was subtle at first, messily complaining that he wasn’t taking care of himself enough, rubbing his damp shoulders and wiping his face; but then her hand began to caress him, crying softly.

“I hate doing this, Sung Gyu…I hate it” She snuffled, and Sung Gyu refrained from hugging her as he was now completely damp, but he did hold her warm hands in the cold ones of his. “It’s okay, mum, I’m going to be okay…and I’ll visit you often, okay?”

“You always say that…” she muttered with a sob, her hand on his cheek. “You tell me you’re okay, but I hardly know anything…”

“I promise I will call every single day” He told her gravely, and forced out a smile. He wasn’t sure how far he could stick to his promises or if he was ever really going to be okay. But he had to try, for her, he had to.

With a warm kiss pressed onto her temple, Sung Gyu helped her into the car and watched them as they drove away, his heart so heavy and hand turning pale as he gripped the umbrella so hard in the rain. The movers were fumbling about in the house still, and the rain only kept getting heavier. Sung Jae stood outside by the door, watching his father. Sung Gyu closed the gate, and was just about to turn around and go back up the cobble path when he heard someone calling him.

“Excuse me! Hello there!”

Sung Gyu looked around, searching for where the voice was coming from, only to find a man around his age standing on the other side of the wall, holding a large umbrella. Sung Gyu approached him in long strides, stepping over the untrimmed grass of their new garden and greeted the other with a smile.

“We just moved in” Sung Gyu said loudly over the rain, and the man chuckled in response.

“The entire neighborhood knows, they said you were pleasant, and they’re right!”

Sung Gyu felt his ears burn in embarrassment, but still managed to give him a bow. “I’m Kim Sung Gyu, nice to meet you”

“I’m Junmyun, Kim Junmyun” The man bowed in return, and Sung Gyu warmed up to the friendly glimmer in his eyes. He looked young, but he was probably the father of the twins next door.

Junmyun gestured at Sung Jae who shily stood by the front door. “Your son?”

Sung Gyu nodded in response, and Junmyun gave him a quick wave. Sung Jae waved back enthusiastically, making them both chuckle.

“I myself have two” He told him, confirming his assumptions. “Twins. They’re eight”

“Yes, Sung Jae and I already met them over the window” Sung Gyu said, making the other laugh, and it was such a cheery, welcoming sound that he immediately decided that he liked his neighbors already.

“They told me…and in fact, I was wondering if, you know, you wouldn’t mind if I take over Sung Jae for now?”

“Like, stay over?” Sung Gyu asked politely, and Junmyun nodded in response. “The kids can’t wait to meet him; besides, you look like you need some help there...”

“Oh…umm…” He hesitated for a bit, thoughtfully looking at the other, and couldn’t help giving into the offer, charmed by Junmyun’s kind and cheerful demeanor. “I…guess that would be nice?”

“Fantastic!” the other responded delightedly, and when Sung Gyu led his son through the rain to the doorstep next door and when they welcomed him with opened arms and wide smiles, Sung Gyu realized that his new beginning had so many great and beautiful things to offer.

As days passed, however, it slowly became difficult to get used to an all new routine. Sung Jae was staying at home until the end of vacation and for the time being his parents stayed over, making things a little easier for him. But his new job for the SOCO was difficult and demanding; it required him to report to work even at the oddest times of the day since his service was required whenever a crime was reported in any part of the city, and mostly they were battering and assaults which occurred deep into the night so leaving his son at home by himself was simply a trouble he couldn’t think of a way to overcome. His parents could stay only so long, what with his father’s doctor’s visits and his sister coming over for the most part, and he didn’t feel it was alright to bother his kind next door neighbor in the middle of the night to ask if he could keep an eye on him. Sung Gyu held the position of a crime scene investigator in the SOCO so basically his part was to gather evidence in the crime scene and transporting them for analysis. The first few weeks he was given a proper training under a senior crime scene investigator and due to them being of the same age, they made quick friends. He made quite a number of friends at the station, because of his kind, calm and outgoing persona but none that could replace Woohyun in his heart.

He realized, perhaps, leaving behind most of his old life was what which hurt him the most. He didn’t want to lose Woohyun. He didn’t want to lose his old team at the agency and he missed Sung Yeol’s rambling, Myung Soo’s outbursts and Dong Woo’s all-around weirdness every day. As kind and welcoming as his new team was, he didn’t think he’d get used to the idea of not having his old team, his friends around, any time soon.

Most importantly, though; he missed her, he missed Jung Eunji so much so that he found himself thinking of her every single day. Not a day passed without a thought of her, and every time he remembered her, he wanted to see her again. He knew, regardless, that it was just selfish and that he should let her go, sooner or later. Time was taking too long to start his healing process, and he could say it was the most difficult time of his life. Myriad times, when he felt so lonely in the night and wished his room wasn’t so big and the house wasn’t so quiet, he’d pull out his phone and stare at her number for far too long. There’d been moments when he nearly pressed dial, and when this happened, he’d turn off the phone altogether and get himself a red bull to numb his mind. When that wouldn’t work, when his loneliness became too much to bear, he’d trudge upstairs to Sung Jae’s room, huddle under his covers and drift off to sleep with the child in his arms. It was comforting, for that moment at least. But falling into the routine, his loneliness only grew and nurtured every day.

He hadn’t contacted Yoora since the day he parted from her, and never even felt the need to. He’d broken the news to Sung Jae sometime during their earlies days at his parents’ house that they won’t be seeing her again. Sung Jae was confused at first, and he needed an explanation. All he could think of was that she lied to him about lots of things, and that he realized she wasn’t ready to be a mother. Sung Jae went quiet at that, wordlessly playing games on his phone as they cuddled in his bed. But at that moment, Sung Gyu realized there was much more to his silence. He didn’t push it there and then. However, the next day, Sung Jae told him everything.

To say that Sung Gyu was bewildered was an understatement. Even as he listened to every single word Sung Jae spoke in his soft, meekly voice, eyes averted as if unsure to meet his father’s hardening gaze; Sung Gyu couldn’t even think of what he could do with himself. He was at fault, for everything and now he had nobody to blame but himself. He dragged himself through hell himself; and not only that he had dragged his poor, innocent son through the same hell as well? As much as he wanted to confront Yoora and make her admit to every big and little thing she’d done to him, he couldn’t; because somewhere deep inside he had known something was going on wrong there; hell, he was told consecutively, persistently but he’d stupidly, selfishly ignored it all. Not only had he ignored her; he had even more idiotically pushed her away from his life, silenced the only person who saw and understood everything. At that moment he could only hold and comfort little Sung Jae, kiss him on and on, make sure he received only the warmth and love he truly deserved, and he died thousand million times inside.

Knowing the truth made things even worse for him. He’d let his son go through heartless abuse inflicted by his own mother, he shut out the only person who truly understood the situation from his life. Sung Gyu was more or less helpless as he was; his mental strength was decreasing every day and he found himself thinking, all deep in his thoughts every time he was alone. And he soon got horrified of spending even a moment by himself. The house just seemed to grow larger and emptier; his life, all of a sudden, started to show what it’s truly been the whole time. A big black void. It was horrifying. He was so lonely and scared that he’s beginning to lose his own grip on himself. He realized that things were beginning to go downhill when he couldn’t concentrate on work, stayed up for long nights and paid little attention to his child. Thankfully Junmyun, his new and only friend in the neighborhood started to take notice of his wavering disposition. Every time they’d meet over the wall or Sung Gyu went to pick Sung Jae up from their place, Junmyun and his wife would very kindly invite him inside. And they’d talk. It did help him to keep his loneliness at bay but as much as it helped, he felt he was burdening them; and so he just kept their meetings brief and kept most to himself.

A month after they moved in, Sung Gyu installed a swing set in their garden. It wasn’t much; just an every-day couple swing which creaked and swung by itself in oddest moments when the wind blew too fast. But Sung Jae loved it. He and Junmyun’s kids spent half their time on it, playing battle ships and at times like this, if he was staying home, the house didn’t appear so big and lonely anymore. He’d sit outside on the steps to the front door and watch them play, as they rolled around the wet grass, laughing and in so much of happiness, no care for the skin biting cold or the dampness on their clothes. Watching them was a comfort for him; even if it was from a far. It was a kind of comfort which felt surreal and lasted only as long as the day became night. And in the nights, he’d sit on the swing on his own, listen to the creaks and wish the time could reverse.

The perks that his job carried wasn’t helping his situation either; it was a town, despite its tranquility in most parts, prone to so many crimes. Be it an assault, battering, bullying and even ual offences; Sung Gyu could understand why they needed to train and hire crime scene investigators so fast. He’d gone to so many of them for the past month that he was beginning to lose count of them. Certain were just your neighborhood beatings, but some of them really stayed with his weak heart.

It was somewhere in that gloomy, rainy autumn that he had to gather evidence from a scene which simply sent him spiraling down a whirl of emotions. It was a young high-school girl; she was seventeen, she was assaulted and touched in a way no little girl or any woman should be touched. Sung Gyu didn’t see the child; but he did see everything that was left behind. He was the one to collect them in small bags, mark them and send them to the labs, and it wasn’t easy. He was horrified, and even as he was diligently doing his job, he was dying inside. Perhaps it was because he’d been feeling so guilty and alone for the past few weeks, or perhaps because the suppressed emotions from then were finally getting a toll on him. Way past midnight and nearly into the dawn, Sung Gyu came home, parked the car in a haste, trudged over to the swing, sat down and broke into tears. He just couldn’t stop himself. It was as if someone had set all the flood gates open. His heart hurt so much that he didn’t think he could keep it all in, and no matter how loud and embarrassing his whimpers were, in the quietness of the night. He could hardly care. He felt terrible.

It was then that he heard another creak, and footsteps on the cobble path. A voice softly called his name in a whisper; he looked up, only to see Junmyun standing there, sleepy but concerned, still in his pajamas but a thick blanket in his hands.

Embarrassed, Sung Gyu quickly wiped his face on his sleeves, sniffed loudly and hid his face in the dark. He’d cried before, but not once had he been confronted like this while he was. He just felt deeply ashamed. He was a father. He should be strong, at least appear to be, for the sake of his child. But all he was being was an emotional wreckage.

Still, Junmyun said nothing; not as he moved closer to him, unfurled the blanket and warmly enfolded him inside it. Not even as he sat down on the swing beside him. They were quiet for a long time afterwards, the sound of the quietly swinging swing dominated the night. Sung Gyu only stared down at his feet, deeply ashamed by the choice of his actions and simply unable to face his friends. If it was Woohyun, he’d understand. He wouldn’t think it was embarrassing. He’d be an arsehole about it for a moment, and wouldn’t drop it how he was a knight for the damsel in distress. But at least he knew.

But now it wasn’t Woohyun who sat beside him, and so he didn’t know just what to do with himself. Yet, it was as if Junmyun understood him, saw his discomfort. He smiled, the dim light of the streetlamp gleaming on his fine features and patted gently on his arm. “Hyung…” He called, and Sung Gyu kept quiet, not looking up once. “We know…that you’re going through a difficult time, but you don’t have to do this all alone” he told him gently, and Sung Gyu shook his head. He didn’t want to share his pain with anyone else. He had it only because he earned and deserved it. Junmyun hesitated for a moment, and retrieved his hand before he stared out at the long stretching line of houses before him. “I was talking to Sung Jae this evening…” He told him, and it immediately grabbed Sung Gyu’s attention. He turned to look at the other and Junmyun was looking at him. “I was asking him about you, because you are obviously going through a hard time…he said you didn’t tell him anything. But he did tell me about what happened…you know, with his mother and all….”

Sung Gyu swallowed hard, not wanting to recall any of it from back then, but when he looked up and met Junmyun’s kind, encouraging eyes. He couldn’t help but see Woohyun in him. He needed an escape, someone to talk to, and there he was, Junmyun to cover for the lack of Woohyun in his life; and as terrible as he felt for doing what he was doing to his ever-best friend; Sung Gyu went ahead and took it, he took his chances and told him everything.

Unlike Woohyun, who would interrupt with his attempts to be cute and smart remarks, Junmyun listened to everything he had to say. As sweet and kind he was, Sung Gyu missed Woohyun, still; at that moment more than ever before. The kid’s been latching onto him, annoyingly so, since the first day they met back in college. He wasn’t the nicest guy out there, and sometimes he just climbed up his nerves with all his weird attempts to appear adorable and becoming an arsehole the next instant. Still, he loved him. He was his best friend. And as he spoke he kept being reminded of him, and he hated himself even more. He’d done the worse possible thing he could ever do to a best friend. He’d disappeared off his radar. He’d cut him out of his life.

Regardless, Junmyun was there for the time being, and he was being such a great support that once he’d taken everything out of his mind, Sung Gyu felt so much better. He was indescribably guilty, still. Junmyun had offered to take care of Sung Jae for the day and the three children were having a sleep over. He knew how difficult it must be for him and his wife to take care of not only one kid but two, and having to look after Sung Jae as well…they never complained. They loved Sung Jae and loved having him there. He was taking good care of the twins, as it happened; and they kept saying it was no trouble. As it appeared to him now, however. It wasn’t his son who was causing trouble from the beginning. It was him. Even if it was weekend the next day, Sung Gyu couldn’t deny the guilt which was eating him up at that moment.

Once he’d told him everything, Junmyun quietly pat on his arm. “Well, Hyung, that just sounds all very complicated” He said in the end. “But I’ve got to tell you. All of this have passed, you’ve come to a new town, a new house, you have a new job…new friends” Junmyun grinned to himself as he said this, making him smile as well. “So, you might as well leave it all behind. It’s not always about time solving things. Sometimes, you just have to make that choice to let go. Otherwise you’d always keep everything stewing inside you…you get what I mean?”

Sung Gyu didn’t reply; not in words, at least. But his quietness, the look in his eyes and the emotions in the depth of them gave out the answer. To some extent, he probably was nowhere ready to let go of people he’d held so close to him. They’re still important, they mattered, and he loved them. But Junmyun was right. The more he let the thoughts from the past pent up inside him, the worse he would feel. The past few days he’d been a terrible son, a terrible friend and even worse; a terrible father to Sung Jae, paying minimal attention to the people whom he now had around him as he let his thoughts linger only in the past. It wasn’t fair for those who still looked out for him. They needed him, and they cared. And for the sake of the others, he had to truly move on. He had to set initiatives to what he had really intended to do the first place.

“I believe that you have good days ahead…” He carried on, softly patting on his arm before he climbed up on his feet. He just stood there for a moment, afterwards; quiet, hesitant, looking down at Sung Gyu who still hadn’t said a word in response, as if he had more to say. After a while, Sung Gyu looked at him and gave him a tight smile, holding the blanket close to him to fight the autumn cold. “Thank You…Junmyunnie” He said in a small voice, and he too, smiled in response. Still he watched him for even longer, a small smile playing on his lips as if he was a caring younger brother looking over his Hyung’s well-being. After a moment, then;

“Hyung?”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu looked at him.

“You should stay over at my place…”

Sung Gyu immediately held up his hands and shook his head. Usually when he came home late in the night, he’d have Sung Jae stay over at his place until he’d come home to pick him up. But tonight, he was held back at work for far too long, and then this had to happen. His initial plan was to let Sung Jae stay the night and pick him up the first thing next morning. He hadn’t planned to break down the moment he returned home; but he did with lots of thoughts in mind, found his all new family home large, quiet and empty. The emotion he felt at that moment was indescribable. But Junmyun had come to him all on his own, ready to offer his ear and all the kindness to him. As much as he hated to spend a night in his house alone, he had no choice.

“Hyung-ah…” Junmyun pleaded cutely, and it reminded him so much of Woohyun, how he pulled the cute card every occasion possible and hopped around like the he was until he’d finally give in. Sung Gyu nearly agreed to Junmyun in his tired, sleepy state.

“No, Junmyun. I’ve troubled you enough…” Sung Gyu said in a small voice, climbed up on his feet and slowly laid the blanket around Junmyun’s shoulders. “I’ll be fine…but thank you…”

“Then I’ll stay over” Junmyun told him, and he let out a heavy sigh. “Junmyunnie…”

“You…you’re not okay and I’m really worried. I don’t want to leave you alone…”

Sung Gyu tried to reason out, trying to be cute himself, and gave him a small smile; “But I’ve got to be okay, right?”

Junmyun still wasn’t buying it, pouting like a child and gave him a disapproving look. “You sound awfully cheerful for someone who cried ten minutes ago”

Sung Gyu groaned and rolled his eyes. “Don’t bring that up, I’m embarrassed as I am” He said, but his frown soon morphed into a smile. “I’m alright, Junmyun, really. That was just a moment…because I was kind of emotional over a difficult case. I’ll be fine after a nap”

“Are you…sure?” Junmyun peered at his unsurely, and he nodded in response. “I won’t fall asleep unless it’s my own bed” He tried to reason out even more, and then Junmyun reluctantly gave in.

“You’re weird, hyung” He said, chuckling lightly before he moved over and gave him a warm hug. It’s been a while since he last received a hug from someone who wasn’t family, and in the coldness of the night, it was deeply comforting. Sung Gyu patted the other softly on his back and reveled in the pacifying moment before he pulled away.

“I’ll come over to pick Sung Jae up, okay?” He told the other as he retreated, and Junmyun agreed with a nod. “Good night, Junmyunnie”

“Good night hyung!” Greeted the other, and Sung Gyu watched him as he walked down the cobble path, out of his gate and even as he passed by the short wall, all until he went to his own doorstep. They shared pleasantries across their gardens, and Sung Gyu unlocked the door to his home, closed the door behind him and let out a long sigh. The motion sense lights turned up as soon as he stepped inside, and the house seemed immaculately clean as if nobody had lived in it he past few weeks. It was true to some extent since Sung Gyu was almost always held back at work and Sung Jae spent half his time next doors or at school, so the house was empty for the most part. Looking around now, at the ghostly and unmoving curtains, the kitchen which seemed barely touched and hearing the eerie quietness inside, he realized, things really got to change. It was him not moving forward which kept him in the dark continuously. It was him not making that choice to. But if he did, at least now, lots of things could change for the best.

The next morning, Sung Gyu woke up to an unexpected occurrence in his empty house. There were sounds and voices coming from inside, and a delicious aroma of sizzling sausages was wafting around which he could catch from where he slept in the living room. He was too much of a weeny to go to sleep in his too large bedroom, last night, that after a shower he had trudged over to the living room with his quilt, the TV and fallen asleep to a rerun of some music show. He couldn’t pin point how long he had slept for, but when he woke up, sun light was seeping in through the slight parting of the curtains, and of course voices; so many and too loud, were coming from the general direction of the kitchen, along with clatter of utensils and the sizzle of the stove. It took him a moment to gather his bearings and trudge over to the kitchen, his feet bare and freezing as they padded across the marble floor and eyes narrowed at the unbearably bright sunlight. Upon approaching the kitchen, he froze, realizing that his son had somehow lured his noisy neighbors into his house.

“Appa!” Sung Jae called the moment he saw him standing in the hallway, hopped off the island (where he was not supposed to be sitting on) and came running towards him. He seemed bright and happy, just like he’s always been the past few month, and that smile of his, somehow happened to wash away the pulsing pain in his head.

“Rise and shine Sung Gyu hyung!” Junmyun, who was standing by the stove in an apron he had never seen in his kitchen greeted him cheerfully. The last time the house was this noisy was the day they moved in; and it was kind of pacifying, really, to have company of more than just his child. Junmyun’s wife, Miyeon, together with her daughter was busy making toast and gave him a warm smile and a quick wave before she jumped by the shock of toaster spitting out the bread; and their son, together with Sung Jae, were setting the table. If anything, they were having a breakfast feast, all in courtesy of Junmyun, and he knew for a fact that he went into that whole length, all for him.

“Good morning to you too” Sung Gyu greeted with a grin and went over to open the curtains, allowing the warm morning son seep in from the backyard. Despite the green of the grass which he never got around to trip, the golden-brown leaves littering the ground gave away the beautiful autumn vibes. “Did Jae let you in?”

“I know the pass code!” Sung Jae exclaimed from the table, making everyone laugh, and Miyeon added that he’d told all of them already that they could even break into the house if they had to. Sung Gyu didn’t say anything. He only laughed, looked at each of their faces and felt an incredible sense of satisfaction. He had thought the whole process of moving on had nothing special to offer. The past few weeks were dark and gloomy. The house he loved so much when he moved in, only became eerier, emptier and larger every passing day. The gaping hole in his heart seemed to only grow and the uncertainty of the days lying ahead constantly horrifying him. But now, standing amongst people who were hear, only carrying the promise of making his days brighter and him happier; he was finally beginning to see the prospects of brighter days ahead.

Junmyun and Miyeon too, had started out from literally the same place as Sung Gyu himself. But only, they’d decided to stay together. As they revealed to him after breakfast when they sat around in the kitchen as the children played outside, they too became family owing to an unexpected pregnancy. Miyeon had only entered college while Junmyun was in his final year. And as soon as she got pregnant, and of twins, no less, she had to stop schooling entirely and Junmyun had to take the complete responsibility of her. Miyeon, despite her parent’s disapproval, had come searching for him, and immediately they’d decided to get married. Although the ride was difficult in the beginning, they were happy about how far they’ve come together, as a family. And hearing all that, from him, Sung Gyu felt nostalgic, angry and ashamed. In a way, what Yoora had to go through wasn’t entirely his fault. She got scared and ran away, and whatever she claimed about him couldn’t have been the truth. After all, back then, he loved her, so much so that he was all prepared to let go of everything in his life for her. And had she come to him and told him the truth, of course he would have accepted her, loved her. He still had tried to give everything, even when she had sent him through the worst. He felt ashamed of himself, not for having left her, but for having believed in her, having thought that pursuing her was the only possibility while he had the chance to walk away.

When it was time for them to leave, Sung Gyu accompanied them to the door together with Sung Jae who wore a pouty face, too sad to let them go. He wouldn’t have, had he the chance to, but the four of them were supposed to be going for a lunch date with Junmyun’s parents. At the door, Sung Gyu gave Junmyun a quick hug and he held him back warmly.

“This is weird, and I won’t say it ever again” Junmyun started as he pulled away. “meeting hyung was like finding a long-lost brother”

Sung Gyu snorted, unable to hold himself back, but still he was smiling as he leaned against the doorframe. “That was weird” He admitted with a grin, reached out and ruffled the twins’ heads. “But I guess it’s true in a way…Jae met some lovely friends”

“Oh, and please don’t hesitate to send Jae over whenever” Miyeon added hastily, placing both her hands on either of the twins’ shoulders, and the little girl watched him with greatest interest. “Jae is wonderful company for the two of them. They fight a lot, usually. But because of Sung Jae, now they’ve learned to make peace”

Sung Gyu raised his brows, feeling a proud glow in his heart and glanced at his son. “Is that right, Sung Jae?” he asked, and he only swayed around shily, making him chuckle and pull him towards himself.

“He’s been raised well. Truly a good influence” Junmyun added, looking at Sung Jae which made him squirm even more. Sung Gyu couldn’t help but glance down at his son, smiling with pride. “I’m surprised to hear so much of good about him” he admitted jokingly, and looked up at the others. “Sung Jae’s been lonely too…he had to part from a…” he swallowed hard, the thick knot forming in his throat and tried to smile. “…a good friend of his. His best friend, I should say…so I too, am thankful that he got to make some really nice friends, right Jae?”

He, of course, didn’t answer, not verbally at least, since he was just busy squirming around. But when Junmyun reached over and ruffled his head, he looked up at him with his soft wise eyes and he couldn’t help the prideful glow inside him. They shared pleasantries and farewells afterwards, and Sung Gyu watched them as they left, the usual nostalgia of watching people leaving him replaced with an emotion which only meant excitement and happiness, to have his life slowly falling into place again.

The truth was that he wasn’t entirely happy, but he knew that he had to be getting there. Sung Jae was still young, and he needed consistency, he needed his father to be watching over him every step of the way. Sung Jae could have made good progress, better progress than he himself, but that didn’t necessarily mean he ever got over someone he held so dearly in his life. They needed time to heal, both of them. And now, right now, the slow, gentle pace his life was going surely did seem promising to him. Sung Gyu and Sung Jae did have better days ahead.

“Jae?” he called and looked down at his son.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to go over to grandma’s for lunch?”

“Okay!” Sung Jae hopped a little on his feet, and Sung Gyu smiled, put his hands around him and lifted him into his arms. When he stepped back into the house and took in the bright autumn sun lightening up the entirety of his small family home, he realized, it wasn’t as empty and gloomy as he thought it was. He must have failed to grasp it earlier, but now it was certainly, undeniably his home.

*

Sitting by the window of their second story apartment was Jung Eunji, her fingers tracing them as small droplets of rain raced against each other as if falling and crashing into oblivion was a competition. Once one droplet had disappeared, another would follow. It was a routine and one of the smallest, most trivial things that people never paid attention and hardly even mattered. Just like most things in her life, for an example; her birthday.

For one, she could say that her birthday was the worst possible day of her entire year. It passed by just around a month ago, or more so, she couldn’t tell. She had expected much surprises, celebrations and pleasantries; hell, she was turning twenty-nine, shouldn’t there be anything welcoming her to the glorious ages of late adulthood? But what she actually got on that day was, well, nothing. Nothing except for Nam Woohyun turning up at school on the last day of it, looking panicked and telling her that Kim Sung Gyu had suddenly stopped coming to work.

Kim Sung Gyu, the love of her life. Still, even months after their parting, the look in his eyes, that gentle smile, and just the exquisite beauty he held in every part of his being was still vivid in her mind, haunting her. She’d thought, once he was out of her radar, she’d eventually learn to move on from him, stop loving him. But each and every day, she was earning to see him again, and it was driving her crazy. On the day that she learned he had stopped coming to work, that, according to Woohyun, he’d taken a transfer to god knows where, she’d gone straight to the administration to seek for any information on possible transfer of Sung Jae too. The rest of the term since she parted ways with Sung Gyu, she still managed to get a fair share of interaction with Sung Jae and that was enough, for the time being to sate to her wanting to see him again. She’d thought even as the school year ended that they’d only have to be apart for a month and somehow, magically, things would change during that time and she had her fingers crossed; at least until the end of that day. According to the administration office, yes, student Kim Sung Jae had taken a transfer, but to where, no matter how much she persisted, the office refused to reveal. It was their personal details. Eunji felt her world fall apart as she walked out of the school that day. She felt like leaving her job there for once and for all. It because if them that she’d gotten the chance to work there and it held way too many fond memories of many, many months which they’ve spent together. The first and foremost thing she did upon realizing that Sung Gyu had indeed moved far away from her and also without telling any of them, she sat down in Woohyun’s car and tried to gather herself. But then she got so angry, so, so angry at herself that she felt like crying. Of course, Sung Gyu was only a phase of her life, one that must disappear and open doors for new things to seep in. But only, it just didn’t feel like it. As far as she was concerned, now, Sung Gyu was one hell of a big part of her. She loved him, and he was pretty much the only person she loved with her entire heart for the best and the worst, for all the times he made her feel loved and hurt, she still loved him, and she always felt that every time he’d hurt her, he hadn’t intended to. He had way too many things going on in his life, he had a hard time coping with them. He was broken inside. His heart was irreplaceable. In a moment of passion and hopelessness, he could have told her things, cruel things which he probably never meant. Because deep inside, she knew that Sung Gyu was made only to give and receive the purest forms of love and there was not a single bone of hatred within him. Having known him for way over a year now, she knew him like an open book. And that’s why he left without a trace; because he was guilty and ashamed of everything he’d put her through, and probably even put Woohyun through the past few days. He ran away, and no mater how cowardly it appeared at that moment, she knew that he had a reason to, and it was fair in both parts, and that if it helped him to settle down and heal, she’d let him have his ways anyway.

It hurt so much, still. And she wanted answers. She wanted to find him. So, she left all her plans of cutting cake and celebrations aside and had Woohyun to drive her straight over to his apartment. Upon arriving there, however, she found it empty, nobody was there and when she tried in the passcode, it’s been changed. Heartbroken, Eunji insisted that she found them somehow and fix whatever the jarred strings were between them. If he was going to leave, she wouldn’t let him, at least not while they were like this or she’d never forgive herself for letting him go. But coming to his parents didn’t help much either. There wasn’t anyone at home, the gate was closed, and the doors locked. Then she opted to the easiest resolve, the one she should have tried a lot earlier. She rang his parents land line, in case they were at home, but it went straight to voice mail. She was still too flustered to call him, so she tried his mother’s hand phone, but it was turned off. His father didn’t have a mobile number, anyway. Upon having been directed to the voice mail even on his land line, she opted to the last resort. She called him.

Only to receive the most heart wrenching message she’d ever imagine. Sung Gyu had black-listed her number. He’d blocked her.

It was the moment she broke out crying, so much, so hard that Woohyun got mad at her and himself and started calling all the lines connecting him to Sung Gyu, only to find out that he too had been blacklisted, by his best friend. The two, then, sat in his car for the longest moment, unable to think of what to do or say, the blatant realization hitting them hard. He didn’t want them anymore. It was hateful, really. He just didn’t have to go to that extent, to the extent of blocking their numbers. After all, they’ve been friends, they’ve been family. What’s so wrong that they did to him to hate them so much? To remove them completely from his life? Woohyun got so angry at himself that he was cussing under his breath, saying things that he shouldn’t be saying. He started the ignition, drove away and so fast that they reached Ansan in record time. He parked the car outside the gate but never drove it inside, so imagining that he was implying her to get down, so he could get back to wherever he was, she proceeded to get down, but he reached out and held her back. He told her then, what could have been the most beautiful and most heartbreaking thing someone could divulge to her. Eunji’s heart broke apart and it’s never been mend again. It was still, even now, exactly the same.

“Eunji, Hyung is in love with you”

Sung Gyu was in love with her.

That night, she spent hours and hours lying in bed, trying to make sense of everything Woohyun had told her. He old her so many things, and by the end of his account, Eunji didn’t feel like going home again. Of course, she hadn’t felt like going home for the past month entirely; she’d been feeling distant from her sister, the knowledge that something was wrong in the entire situation kept gnawing at her and Eunmi’s overly affectionate demeanor was climbing up her nerves. During that time, Howon, as always, was the sweetest. He let her stay over almost everyday and in fact, he wanted her to move in, which she hadn’t agreed to, still. But she was more or less residing over at his apartment and Eunmi hadn’t anything to say against her. Their drifting apart, somehow seemed to prove so many things. For one, after Sung Gyu stopped her from coming, Eunmi’s attention to her became a bare minimal, whereas while she was involved with him, all Eunmi could do was poking her head into her business. Second off, her life was no longer Eunmi’s concern; not even if she spent all her nights over at Howon’s. She barely asked anything, and if their sibling relationship had derailed, she hardly seemed to care and didn’t put an effort to fix it.

That just proved, really. It was Eunmi who was behind it, she convinced him, somehow, because Eunji knew that she didn’t fancy Sung Gyu much after learning the subtlest details of his life. She just wanted to get rid of him, because had she married a man with a child, that would have looked bad for her reputation. As always, she was narrow minded and selfish. She was not surprised. When Woohyun revealed to her everything that happened before Sung Gyu and she parted, he was deeply ashamed and apologetic, continuously saying that he wanted to tell her but didn’t want to make things worse for everyone. And he was right. Woohyun wasn’t at fault. As much as he was family, he was hardly in the place to interfere in anything going on between Eunmi and her, and Eunmi wouldn’t have tolerated, leading them in to a fight and obviously nobody wanted that. Still Eunji was hardly concerned about what her sister did to her. She knew she would have done it anyway.

But Sung Gyu…god, Sung gyu.

She wanted to know how he said that. Did he admit it himself? How did his voice sound like? What exactly were the words he said? What was the look in his eyes, the curve of his lips when he said those words? As Woohyun told her everything, she could almost picture him in her mind. Broken, lost and disheveled, wanting to tell her the truth but bound by the unyielding social responsibilities, stigma and standards. Sung Gyu deserved better; not any of that. Not that pain, the worries, none of it. And more than anything, he deserved her, and she deserved him. If they loved each other, there was no other way that things made sense.

“He didn’t tell me, not a word, Eunji” Woohyun spoke softly, his eyes distant as he recalled a fond memory, and he smiled. “It was all over his face. I wish you had the chance to see him…”

She did, oh how much she did. She wanted to see him again, hear him say it in his own words and not having to hear it from somebody else. But now, she couldn’t, because there wasn’t a single trace of his whereabouts and nobody was going to tell her either.

The last time she saw Sung Gyu, she hadn’t learned about him liking her, so basically, she hadn’t had the heart to approach him but with a paining heart, she watched him from a far. It was at Sung Jae’s year end concert in which he was a part of the choir. She saw him among the stream of crowd, standing out so beautifully and blurring out everything else around him. He looked tired still, but he was with his mother and she seemed to be keeping him in good company. At that moment, Eunji had to refrain herself from swarming through the crowd and grabbing him, then and there. It was painful, how he was still so close to her but was so far away. And that was the last time, before he magically got a transfer to god knows where and simply flew out of her life.

And he’d planned it so well, as if he never wanted to be found. His parents refused to tell them where he was, albeit kindly telling her that he really needed some time to himself, that he wasn’t doing well, and he needed his space to heal. And then there was Howon who was suspiciously involved in his transfer and refused to tell her or Woohyun anything at all. Whenever she’d ask, he changed the subject, and when she tried to pry into it, he’d get upset, and getting him upset wasn’t so nice. Besides, she was with him now, and he loved her. How could she possibly try to get information on her crush from her boyfriend?

Still, there was Woohyun, not once putting that effort to find him since the moment he realized that he’d been cut off his life. “The cowardly bastard” He’d say, though he didn’t mean a word of it. Woohyun was just deeply hurt, really. And Eunji wouldn’t blame him, she was too.

And now it’s been nearly or beyond two months since he left. So many things happened during that time. One was that she finally agreed to move in with Howon despite her innermost emotions. She liked Howon, she really, truly did. But there was one variable in particular, holding her back from loving Howon entirely, giving him her all, and that was that his mother; a little mad and incredibly possessive was always standing in her way. Second off, she really did get a transfer from her previous school, and joined a local school in Gangnam as an ethics teacher. Third off, well, she was now beginning to slowly detach herself from her past, from Sung Gyu, from everything that he’s been for her and move on with life. It’s been months since they went on separate ways with no prospects of crossing path again; and now it was time for her to let go of the last tiniest threads which held them together and live her life.

“Eunji?” She near jumped at the unexpected voice, and she turned around, only to see Howon standing by the doorway, damp from head to toe. It’s quite deep into the evening and she’d headed home straight from school; their home, only to learn that Howon was heading home earlier than usual. They, of course hadn’t expected the rain. They were supposed to be going out tonight.

“You’re all damp” Eunji told him as she approached him, grabbed a towel which was haphazardly discarded on a chair and proceeded to dry his hair. Howon stared down at her, smiling softly before he wrapped his arms around her and brought her close. “You smell nice” He said, making her roll her eyes.

“And you’re going to catch a cold” she reprimanded, hastily throwing the towel over his head. She was just about to detangle herself from him, but he didn’t let her. He trapped her against him, throwing the towel over both of their heads, and now she was just a hair-thread away from him, him breathing her in. He was smiling as he watched her intensely, and that gaze, somehow always made her melt in his arms. She put her arms around his neck as well, and then he moved closer and kissed her; deep long and passionate, all until they mindlessly stepped through the clutter in the room and fell onto the bed. But they couldn’t carry on any further. A loud crash came from the general direction of the living room, and she let out a loud groan. She knew what that was; she didn’t even have to hear the voice that erupted following the clatter. It was his mum.

To tell that his mother was annoying was an understatement. She had a severe case of empty nest syndrome and some sort of a mother-son complex that she couldn’t ever refrain herself from prying into Howon’s business, from work to personal life and then now to his love life, as is she had a personal dispute with anything and everything that had the potentials of snatching her son away from her. She drove Eunji absolutely crazy. She’d judge her for basically everything she did; starting from her looks to profession, the way she dressed, her family (Since it wasn’t exactly ordinary) and once she even criticized her for her life, claiming that back in her days girls were responsible of refraining themselves from engaging in premarital ; it was as if she still lived in the nineteenth century while the entire world moved ahead of her, and never ran out of things to tell her. In another occasion, she was too tired to cook at home that she suggested ordering takeaway. Howon’s mother went bat crazy at that, claiming that she’d never let her son eat outside food while its all he basically strived on, on a daily basis and didn’t let her off the hook by making her feel constantly guilty and cooked a storm for him. Not only that, she made sure Eunji felt like by telling her that even in her old age, she still could cook while her, still so young and having the energy to do everything else, couldn’t even cook a meal.

And the worse bit was that Howon hadn’t even the strength to say anything. Eunji didn’t fight with his mother if she could help herself, but there’s been the moments when she just couldn’t hold back, when she voiced out everything she had to say, and when that happened, Howon would get upset and tell her to tolerate her because she’s become like that after everything she had to go through. Howon stood on his mother’s side than he did on hers, even when she made the most outrageous claims. In more occasions than one, he’d even tried to change her way of things. ‘I think you should change your outfit, she’s right’, or just, ‘She’s right’ in general. She was tired of dealing with her, sincerely. And the only reason why she was holding on was Howon, who, despite himself, truly loved her.

“What are you doing?” called out his mother and she actually had the audacity to poke her head into the room like she did with everything else in her life. Eunji wouldn’t be surprised if she one day pried on them having or something; but the anger which bubbled inside her was enough to push Howon off her and trudge off to the bathroom. Howon didn’t seem to mind as he cheerfully greeted his mother. But Eunji, inside the bathroom, was fuming. She could hear her going on and on about how messy the apartment was and that women in the house (her) should be able to keep things in order and “Back in our days, women didn’t just sit around on their bums, they had things to do!” right, well, all Eunji’s seen her doing was sitting around on her bum and complaining.

In the end, they never get around to go out for dinner. They stay at home and listen to his mother complaining about Eunji’s chicken soup which had run a bit cold, due to the cold atmosphere of the season, something the old lady could never understand. She held back her biting words as much as she could, concentrating on her food and allowing the words fly over her bent-down head. But then she started saying crap about her family, and she lost it.

“Girls need to be raised well by their parents, Howon-ah, otherwise they wouldn’t have any idea what a good broth should taste” She was telling him as if Eunji was a non-existent being entirely. What was worse was that her old wrinkly eyes kept shooting daggers at her as if the broth running cold was a great, unforgivable crime. “A girl who can’t make a good meal doesn’t make a good wife” She said, on a final note and she lost it, just like that. Eunji pushed her chair back hard that it scraped against the tiled floor, and Howon, startled by her reaction looked up at her worriedly, which slowly morphed into an angry frown. “I’m done” Eunji said in a shaky voice and turned around to leave, and Howon’s mother started to loudly meddle with her utensils as if to show her disapproval. Eunji could have been the most perfect woman in the whole wide world but she still wouldn’t have impressed her and made her impossibly high standards, because it wasn’t a wife or a woman she wanted her son to have, she just wanted Howon to herself.

“Eunji, calm down” Howon said sternly and tried to get her to sit down again. She almost gave in, almost, before his mother said; “A woman who doesn’t listen to her man doesn’t make a good wife either”

And that’s it, she’d had it. She tugged Howon’s hand away from her and he let out a heavy sigh. Yet, as always, he didn’t do or say anything more than that. After all, Howon too was under her stupid, binding rules. She’d had enough of her and him and their mad, senseless relationship. And so, she told her as loud and clear as she could; “Well, if you make a better wife than me, mum, why don’t you marry him yourself?”

Then she turned and trudged off to their room.

The thing was, more often than not, the issue about marriage came up to the surface, and it had thus remained a taboo topic between them. If she’d met him long before she had met Sung Gyu, perhaps, she wouldn’t have left it hanging around, she’d have at least tried to consider it. But now she always found herself making the inevitable comparison. Not only did Sung Gyu make a perfect partner for life but also his parents were just lovely and welcoming and never stuck to these old, stupid beliefs. They were understanding, they treated everyone with an abundance of love and affection that she loved his mother than she loved her own. But Howon’s mother…god, no matter how well he treated her and how good of a boyfriend he was, she just couldn’t think of herself marrying into their family. No matter how she looked at it, the relationship between the mother and son just appeared odd in so many levels. Her empty nest syndrome or complex or whatever was way beyond control. It wasn’t like Howon made a bad husband; no, he was great. He was incredible; but as it happened, it appeared to her that he wasn’t even putting the effort to get out of her clutches. The problem was; however, she knew why he wouldn’t.

Later that night, Howon came into their room after perhaps having a long talk with his mother. The two of them always do that and she’d no idea what they really talked about. She hardly even cared. She was already huddled in the warmth of her bed, her back to him and looking out the window as rain pattered on ceaselessly outside. He slipped into bed behind her, slipped his arms around her waist and brought her closer to him.

“Mad at me?” He asked, and she shook her head.

“If anything, I’m sorry…”

Eunji slipped out of his arms and turned to him. “What are you sorry for?”

“I don’t know” He avoided her eyes. “Everything?”

Eunji let out a sigh and lied on her back. “You didn’t do anything”

There was a moment of quietness, and then he took a deep breath. “Mum often doesn’t think what she says”

“I suppose so” Eunji said nonchalantly, hating to even touch that topic, which they always did, either way and ended up with no proper answers.

“You know, she’s not getting any younger, and she’s gone through a lot herself”

Eunji took a deep breath, stopping herself from saying anything hurtful and closed her eyes. She knew what he was going to say next, and as emotional as it was, she was tired of hearing it, an excuse which made sense but still made her blood boil. She told him before he could tell her anything; “It’s okay, I’m alright…”

But to no avail, he didn’t get Eunji’s predicament. “And you know, Eunji, I’m all she has” he told her, and just like always, Eunji lost the battle there and she won. It didn’t matter, it never mattered how hurtful the things she said really were. She had a lose mouth and words would slip out without an end, all attacking her left and right but Howon never had the strength to say anything against her. Not beyond a long, quiet sigh, and she hated it because he did all that because, in a way, she too was all he had.

Eunji had thought, moving on was going to be as easy and simple as it has been when she fell in love with him. She thought she’d easily fall out of love the moment she fell in love with somebody else. What she hadn’t realized was that there was always going to be that one time when she’d fall in love so deeply, with someone to the extent she’d never let them go, to the extent she’d fall in love with the very thought of them time and time again. There was one single explanation, really. Though the feeling was hard, the thought really wasn’t.

She’d meet other people, she might even love them, but not as hard as she’d loved Kim Sung Gyu. Because none of them was ever going to be him.

And she hated to admit it, that even if she was together with Howon, that she never really stopped looking for him. In her mind he was out there somewhere, still in love with her just like she was still in love with him. She’d feel giddy and expectant every time she’d step out of the house, in hopes that Kim Sung Gyu would suddenly appear from somewhere, gather her in his arms and tell her that he loved her. Every time she saw a messy mop of hair pass by, or even when a father with a little boy appeared in her peripheral vision, she would wish it was him. Myriad times she’d mistaken men with the stature as him for Kim Sung Gyu, and every single time she accidentally ran into someone while she hastily went through the crowded sidewalks, she wished it was him.

To no avail, it never happened. It was as if he was a distant dream, a memory so far and away from her grasp. Sometimes she felt that he probably wasn’t even real. She’d gone on for months and months wishing, hoping he would appear from somewhere, but the entire time, he was still somewhere far away from her, there showed no prospect from ever crossing path. It was only all her wishful thinking.

Months passed, likewise her searching for him, still.

And then, the winter of that year arrived.

It was late in November, and the day already showed prospects of snowing though it hadn’t exactly started yet. Eunji had woken up in Howon’s warm embrace that morning after they’ve spent a rather passionate night together. She stayed in bed for a long moment, too lazy to get out of the warmth and comfort of the bed into the cold winter ambiance. It felt like a good day, strangely. Better than the rest, perhaps. The sun wasn’t all that bright, but the gentle light seeping through the parting of the curtain was comforting. Behind her, she could feel Howon breathing peacefully, his arms still holding her securely and his breath kissing her bare skin. The time, as the clock on the side table read, was eight in the morning. They could stay in bed for a little longer. After all, it was still weekend, but no, she couldn’t since as it was always even in the weekends, they had plans.

With much struggle, Eunji tried to extricate herself from Howon’s grasp, but to no avail, he woke up and pulled her even closer to him, burying his face in her back. “Sleep more” he mumbled sleepily as he kissed her on her skin, and as much as she wanted to stay in bed even longer, she couldn’t since any moment now, his mother would be walking through the doors. Besides, if she didn’t wash up and make breakfast before she turned up, she’d have to start a beautiful day with the old lady’s ear-fill. “No, I got go” she told him and gently removed his arms from her. He woke up upon the movement and sat up on bed, watching her move away.

“Today’s Saturday” he called, watching her wrap herself in a dressing gown.

“Yeah but I’ve got plans” She said, pulling her hair to a side. “Also, your mum will be here in a moment, so-,” She gave him a knowing look and raised her brows. “Better be ready”

Even though it’s been months since they got together, she wasn’t showing any prospects of changing. If anything, she was only getting worse and all Eunji could do was tolerate her and actually get used to the way she treated, which basically involved her turning a deaf ear to anything that she’d say and do as she please while she was around. It was suffocating. She constantly felt like her entire life was under somebody else’s control; under Howon’s in one side since she had to tolerate for his sake, and on the other side was his mother. A life, she no longer felt like her own

And that’s why, today, instead of staying home with a pain of a future mother-in-law, she agreed to help out a friend. She was one of her fellow teachers at school and also a regular volunteer at a children’s home in Incheon. Today, however, she was unable to take part in a monthly volunteering project due to her wedding planning schedules, and Eunji had most willingly volunteered to do her part instead. After all, it was only going to be her having a good time in the company of children, which wasn’t any different from her profession. And ten thousand times better than keeping an old lady in company.

Eunji had a quick shower and proceeded to prepare breakfast before she left. Howon was still in the bathroom after having slept a little longer, and Eunji was just getting the porridge off the stove when as always, Howon’s mother arrived, yelling something or the other and Eunji already saw her day being dragged into doom. Thankfully, Howon appeared from the direction of their bedroom, a towel resting on his shoulders, and as soon as he saw his mother, he greeted her with a warm hug. She came to their place every day, still. And everyday he had to give her a hug or she’d complain.

Eunji already felt like skipping breakfast. The day started out fine, and it was a beautiful one to miss out on. Besides, the project started at ten and now it was way past nine, she had a long way to go; thus, she hurriedly took off her apron, which she had put on over her dress and tights, the outfit for the volunteering (her friend had specifically told her that it was going to be a special occasion and she better dress nicely) and reached for her coat and bag.

“Leaving already?” Howon asked as he set the table while his mother grumpily sat down in her usual place.

“Yeah” Eunji hastily threw on her coat. “It’s in Incheon and starts at ten”

Howon gave he a lowly whistle in response. “That’s a long ride…”

Eunji sold off her car a couple of months ago and never got around to get a new one. She had it all fixed since the accident with Sung Gyu, but ever since he left, she no longer wanted it; the car carried way too many memories which constantly hindered her from moving on, but once she gave it away, she didn’t feel like driving again and for months she’d stuck to public transport as much as she could, and Howon let her borrow his car if she couldn’t absolutely help it.

“I’ll take the train” Eunji told him, already checking the schedules on her phone.

“Well, if you can wait a bit, I can drop you off”

Eunji looked over at Howon who was in his weekend attire of sweats and a T-shirt and mulled it over for a moment. So he quickly added; “I’ve work today, going to the airport”

“Airport?” Eunji raised her brows and Howon began to hurriedly stuff his face with rice. “Yeah, some foreign directors or other are coming, Dong Woo hyung and I have to be there”

She glanced at his mother who was now grumpily stirring the porridge. It had probably run cold again, which wasn’t her fault anyway, and she hardly cared. “At what time, though? Anyway, I’ll be staying the whole day there”

Howon stopped eating and looked up at her. “Whole day?”

“Yeah, it’s volunteering”

“Where is she going?” As expected, his mother asked her pryingly. Eunji couldn’t help but roll her eyes at that, and turned back to her phone to check the next train which would make it there on time.

“To Incheon. She’s volunteering at a children’s home”

There was a moment of silence, and Eunji did the mistake of glancing at his mother, only to see her glaring at her as if, yet again, she was doing something terribly wrong. Eunji couldn’t understand why she hated her so much to the point she saw wrong in almost everything she did. It was as if her only purpose was hating her and finding fault in even the subtlest, trivial things. It was a wonder to her, what could be possibly running in her mind, to judge her every time she turned.

“A children’s home, you say?” Howon’s mother raised her brows and twisted disapprovingly. Her too-red lipstick was all over her wrinkled lips. “Is that how you dress to a children’s home?”

She knew it had to be something to do with her dress. She knew it. “It’s a special event” She said defensively and glanced down at herself, searching for whatever she was seeing wrong. Eunji simply couldn’t see any. Her dress was in medium length, and her black tights covered the rest of her legs. Not an inch of skin was exposed above, and it wasn’t even fitting her figure. It was a just an ordinary dress. But of course, the old woman viewed every single thing in her old woman perception. Or she’d made it her life’s purpose to judge everything she wore.

She averted her gaze haughtily and as always and began to noisily meddle with her utensils. “Event or not, a woman should know how to dress to a place where children are. They should set a good example”

“But there’s nothing wrong” Eunji said bluntly, and proceeded to put on her coat.

“Are you arguing with me right now?”

She paused, took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Eunji was this close to exploding and letting out all her frustration; and she knew, if she let that happen she would end up hurting more people than one.

“I don’t have time for this” She said to no one in particular and threw on her jacket, grabbed her bag and turned to Howon who was quietly eating, being the silent bystander every time his mother pulled her through , and Eunji was so mad that she didn’t feel like being in a car with him or even staying in this house for any longer. She wanted to calm down, and that she wouldn’t achieve as long as she sat there having the old woman judging even a hair thread of a mistake.

“I’ll take a taxi” She told him, and he just nodded, understanding her predicament, and not wanting to dash out in an angry frenzy, she approached him and purposefully kissed him on his cheek. Howon flinched, and she knew why he did. With the corner of her eyes she could see the old woman looking at her, sending daggers in her direction.

Anyway, she was leaving her son to her, and she now had him all for herself. If it was kissing him that she wanted to do, or hugging or anything that they usually did, Eunji could hardly care. She had better things to do with her life.

*

“Gyu-ah…Sung Gyu-ah…”

“No”

“Gyu-hyungnim!”

“I said no!”

“Sung Gyu-hyung…please-,”

Sung Gyu groaned, turned around and almost threw his Styrofoam cup of piping hot coffee across the room. Despite getting a bigger office, people nagging and whining at his doorstep never seemed to have ceased. Instead of a Nam Woohyun and his endless whining, he had a certain Yong Junhyung turning up by his office every two hours now, grumbling about something or the other. And the worse thing was that it was always, always something absolutely useless.

“Which part of ‘I don’t want to do it’ do you not understand, Junhyung?” Sung Gyu asked irritated and gave him a warning glare not dare step into his threshold but Junhyung, the jerk, did exactly that, being that person who had no idea what personal space was.

“All of it” Junhyung said and sat down on the chair before him. Sung Gyu pretended that he didn’t exist and concentratedly went through the photographs he just received, preparing the report for his latest case. Junhyung was persistent still, and to say that it wasn’t even work related and not a least bit important, he was running out of his mind.

“What’s so hard about dressing up and spending some time with kids?” He went on, not caring that Sung Gyu hardly paid him any attention. “Besides, hyung, only you have experience with kids from the rest of us”

Sung Gyu sighed heavily and finally turned to face the other. “First of all, quit calling me Hyung, and second off, it’s unfair that you’re marginalizing me just because I have a kid”

Junhyung scoffed in response. “You like being called hyung” he said, widening his eyes. “Anyway, it’s not because you have a kid. I’m going, and I don’t have any…” He shrugged, appearing haughty as if he was doing a great sacrifice. “It’s all good cause”

“What was it again?” Sung Gyu asked, for once sounding slightly interested.

“A children’s home…Hyun-Dong Hyung realized that we’ve never done anything of the sort…you know, greater good for the people kind of a thing”

“We work for the police, Junhyung, we do work for the greater good” Sung Gyu pointed out.

“He says we lack compassion. You know, the people we deal with are either dead or kill people”

Feeling a bit attacked, Sung Gyu closed down the photographs he had opened up in his computer which was from a site where an old man was battered to death. “Anyway,” He sighed and faced the other. “What do we do there? Except for spending time with kids, I mean”

“It’s their founders’ day” Junhyung explained in all seriousness. “So, it’s going to be like a party for them”

“Right”

“And we’re cosplaying”

Sung Gyu stared hard at the other for solid ten seconds, shook his head and turned away. “No, I’m not doing that…Thank you Junhyung, I have work to do”

“But Gyu!” Junhyung returned to his relentless pleading. He was a tough investigator and often dealt with the toughest and even the most twisted crimes and cases. But more often than not Sung Gyu wondered if it was a false bravado because all that Junhyung’s been around him, in spite of his seniority in the profession, was an idiot.

“No, Junhyung, what do you take me for? A ing mascot?”

“It’s just a Mario costume and we’re doing it together”

Sung Gyu turned to him, his glare not waning once. “Well, why don’t you do it by yourself? I can come to the children’s home, but no way am I cosplaying”

Junhyung grinned in response. “I knew you had a compassionate heart, hyung”

“ off”

A moment of silence, and-

“Your kid would like it if you cosplayed”

Sung Gyu ran his hands through his hair, frustrated, and gave him an unimpressed look. “No, my kid would laugh at me…now Go, I have work to do”

Junhyung did leave at that point, telling him something or the other about son being like the father, something he couldn’t care less about, and once he was out of his room, Sung Gyu locked the door to fend off all the unnecessary advances, fell into the sofa seat that he’d been provided with and let out a sigh. SOCO was not an easy job, and they did deal with dead people, injured people, addicts, mentally unsound, murderers, attackers and serial killers on a daily basis. But them lacking compassion was something completely unheard of. Their team leader, Jun Hyun Dong was a stubby, small but funny man with two daughters of his own and knew how to perfectly compartmentalize his work from life, and then there was the two of them, the crime scene investigators, who, despite their constant bickering and love-hate relationships had normal lives outside of their jobs. Their photographer, who’s name nobody ever remembered was odd comparing to the rest, but he wouldn’t say he was badly affected by the prospects of their job either. The rest of the team was…alright, to say the least. But Jun hyung Dong had come up with the idea of them engaging in more social working and volunteering to keep their stress at bay. Sung Gyu wasn’t sure how it was going to help him, especially given that putting him in a super Mario suit was an equivalent to sending him through hell. But for the moment, he couldn’t help but give in.

That evening, Sung Gyu returned home earlier than usual, and stepped into his house only to find one of Junmyun’s kids running across the hallway mindlessly, and that made him smile. The house just seemed livelier when the two of them were around. Sung Gyu and Junmyun used to take turns in babysitting. But, since the two of them had their own pharmacy to take care of in the city, they were almost always late to return home from work. Sung Gyu too was held back at the office half the time, so after much discussion, they came down to the decision of hiring a baby sitter. It was nostalgic at first. Sung Gyu almost didn’t want to do it, and somewhere deep inside he had hoped it would be her walking through the doors and back into his life again. But then there was an old, retired school teacher who resided in their same neighborhood and willingly took over the job of taking care of the kids, for a small wage at that. Sung Gyu was incredibly gratified that he provided her more than she asked for, and every morning she’d come over and cook him his meals, simply because she liked him too much, stayed over, ordering around the house maid he’d hired to do the general errands once every week and took care of the children in the evenings. She was lovely, kind and generous, letting the kids do as they pleased as long as they didn’t break a havoc or fought with each other. She did a perfect job at that, and It was all good.

“Aunty” Sung Gyu called as he reached the kitchen to find her there, cooking away as she hummed to herself. She wasn’t as old as his mother, but she often reminded him of her; only except that the baby sitter-missus Yoon-was way feistier than his mother.

“Oh, Sung Gyu goonie, you’re home” She greeted as she manhandled a large pot towards the sink. “I was just making dinner for you”

“I was going to tell you that you can leave early, but-,” He shrugged and picked out a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Oh, that’s fine, I have to wait for my son anyway…so, how was work?”

With her flamboyance and vibrant persona, Missus Yoon was great company. It was obvious that she’d been a school teacher, and one much loved at that; he warmed up to her on their first meeting and always found himself confiding in her in times he couldn’t speak to his mother, and just like his mother did, Missus Yoon had the best advices. She had raised three children of her own, two daughters who were already married and lived abroad and then the youngest, a son who was about eleven years apart from his sisters. He had left college only recently and Sung Gyu was helping him land a place in the local police station. He was a good kid, carried a bit of his mother’s personality but he definitely secured a spot in the station with his hard work. So, the two of them spent the evening talking about him and so many other things of varying topics, Sung Gyu helping her out with little things he could do in the kitchen while she cooked away.

But when a loud commotion came from the living room, Missus Yoon, now done with the cooking, wiped her hands off on a kitchen towel and let out a sigh. “I guess my ride is here”

Missus Yoon’s son’s loud voice could be heard, yelling over the noisiness of the kids, and Sung Gyu couldn’t help but smile fondly as he followed Missus Yoon to the hallway. Just as expected, her son was there, dressed warmly and winding up the kids as always. Despite his age, he had a personality of a second-grade child; something he was so familiar with after having been associated with Lee Sung Yeol for ages. Sung Jae liked him; other than the twins, he was possibly his next favorite person in the neighborhood. What was odd in their friendship was that they shared the same birth names; Sung Jae

“Yah, Yoon Sung Jae, leave the children alone” Missus Yoon said as she lightly smacked on his back. The older Sung Jae was crouched down on the floor, saying something or the other to the kids who yelled loudly in response; especially the little girl who was the loudest and also the cutest that even Sung Gyu had often found himself winding her up just the same, just to see her cute reactions. When the older Sung Jae straightened up, he was a good few inches taller than him, just like Sung Yeol’s been with him. He greeted him briefly, helped his mother into her jacket and said something to the children which made them scream even louder. Sung Gyu stood in a corner, watching the entire exchange until the flamboyance died down. It only did when the two Yoons were out of the earshot. Afterwards, he tirelessly gathered the three kids and lead them to the kitchen for dinner. It was basically the last errand for the day before he washed up and went to sleep. Missus Yoon’s arrival had made lots of things easier. It was her who found him the house maid who ran the general chores once every week, and she also took care of Sung Jae’s homework. All that Sung Gyu was left with was making sure the kids were fed before they were sent to bed.

Junmyun came around to fetch the kids just around the time they were done with dinner. He didn’t stay long to chat, claiming that both he and Sung Gyu were tired after work, apologized if the twins broke a havoc (which they didn’t) and Sung Gyu watched them, leaning against the door frame in the freezing November cold, waving them off as they traversed the lawn and disappeared through the gate. That ended the day’s errands for him. And the best thing was that it was a going to be weekend. If nobody got killed or attacked the next day, god forbid, he would be all free to stay home.

Or not.

“Ugh, ing Super Mario” Sung Gyu groaned as he trudged back into the kitchen where Sung Jae was playing games on his laptop computer. “Money to the swear jar, appa”

Sung Gyu rolled his eyes, slid his hand into his pocket, produced a few measly wons and dumped it into the jar which was kept on the kitchen cabinet.

“What about Super Mario, appa?” Sung Jae asked him, feigning interest despite his heavy concentration on the game he was playing. Sung Gyu groaned again and sat down in the chair next to his son.

“It’s tomorrow…we’re volunteering for a children’s home and we have to cosplay as Super Mario”

Sung Jae immediately paused the game, looked up at his father and burst into laughter.

“I knew you would do that” Sung Gyu mumbled under his breath.

“But why super Mario?” Sung Jae went on. “You can dress up as-,” He slid off his chair to demonstrate enthusiastically. “Cardcaptor Sakura!”

“Yah, that’s a girl!”

Sung Jae giggled and climbed back into his seat. Sung Gyu stared at his son for a moment, noticing how much he’s grown up, how much he’s changed for the past few months and shook his head. “You’re no better”

They fell into a moment of comfortable silence, then, Sung Gyu deep in his thoughts, thinking of all the ways to avoid having to dress up at all costs, as only the sound of Sung Jae’s fingers on the keyboard dominated the quiet ambiance. The house felt oddly silent after all the loudness which ensued only moments before. But it wasn’t uncomfortable, to say the least. It was the kind of a silence that Sung Gyu’s grown used to.

“Appa?” Sung Jae called after a moment, and Sung Gyu finally broke out of his train of thoughts.

“Yeah, Jae?”

A moment of hesitance, and; “There’s a boy at school…he’s been adopted from a children’s home”

Sung Gyu felt a tight knot in his throat as he looked over at his child. “How do you know?”

“He told me” Sung Jae shrugged, and as he always did when talking about something of great gravity, he multitasked with tapping endlessly on the computer.

“He…knows?” Sung Gyu asked slowly, fighting the horrifying weight in the pit of his stomach. There were memories, all resurfacing as much as he tried to fight them.

“Yeah, he’s been adopted when he was seven”

“Seven?” Sung Gyu echoed lowly, and Sung Jae nodded in response. “Yeah. He was telling me that he was the last of his circle of friends to get adopted. He said it really hurt to see everyone else getting parents and families and not him”

“Oh, Sung Jae…”

“He’s fine, though” Sung Jae went on, not acknowledging his father’s empathy for his friend. “His new parents treat him really good. So, he likes to tell everyone how he got adopted”

“I hope he’s happy” Sung Gyu said quietly, Sung Jae nodded, and they fell quiet at that.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go” Sung Gyu added after much thought, looking up at his son. “I just don’t want to be Super Mario”

“It’s better than Cardcaptor Sakura” Sung Jae pointed out with a giggle.

“Good point”

“Besides Appa,” Sung Jae started and looked up at him as if to be urged to continue.

“Hm?” Sung Gyu raised his brows

“Appa is Super Appa anyway”

Sung Gyu groaned again, feeling blood descend to his face in embarrassment and he covered his face with both his hands. “You’ve spent too much time with the other Sung Jae, Sung Jae”

In the end, he decided to take the offer anyway; not for Junhyung, but for the children. He found himself thinking about Sung Jae’s adopted friend the whole night to the point he was recalling his own decision from years ago to give his own son away. Now that he thought about it, his heart hurt so much and he hated himself for having even thought about it. A child is never a mistake; a child is a blessing, no matter how or what form they came into their hands. Sung Gyu loved Sung Jae beyond words, and its hard to imagine now why he ever even considered a life without him. Sung Gyu and Sung Jae, now, was family, and they were happy and perfect as they were.

Before Sung Jae went to sleep, he had asked him if he’d like to come to the children’s home as well. He’d only shrugged at that point and then told him that he and the twins had plans. Well, they always did, and it was a weekend. But as Sung Gyu tucked him into bed, sat beside him and just watched him for the longest moment, thinking about the first day he held him and how he fell in love with him at that moment, and how much the child had grown since then, Sung Jae stared up at his father as well, and then said. “My friend who was adopted, he said when people came to visit, he really loved it the most”

“Hm?” Sung Gyu raised his brows and fixed Sung Jae’s soft curls. “Why is that?”

“Because he had a family even for a day”

Sung Gyu felt a thick knot forming in his throat. “Is that why you don’t want to come?”

Sung Jae slowly nodded in response. “I can let them have my appa for a day…I have him everyday”

“Sung Jae-ah…” Sung Gyu muttered softly, his heart constricted and also swelling with pride. Sung Jae really had grown up so well. Words couldn’t describe how proud and happy he made him feel.

“Good night, Appa” Sung Jae told him sleepily, and Sung Gyu leaned down and kissed him on his head. And perhaps, it was the moment he decided that even a measly Super Mario costume was going to be all worth it. After all, they say bad things always brought something good in the end; what could he say? Maybe there would be something good happening at the end of the day.

Next morning, however, Sung Gyu found himself eating his own words. He started out the day terrible with Junhyung honking away right in front of the house, probably waking up everyone in the vicinity, and he realized that he was already late, having slept long since it was the weekend. He had only dressed half and had barely brushed his hair when he opened the door for Junhyung because he just wouldn’t give him a break, and the first thing Junhyung did upon his arrival was dumping a bag into his hands. It took him a moment to realize that Junhyung too was dressed in a ridiculous Super Mario costumes, together with a hat and a moustache at that, which made the whole get up appear even worse; and it was an identical costume that he had in his hands.

“What the hell?” Sung gyu groaned as he held the costume with only his fingertips as if it physically scalded him. “I thought we’re dressing up once we get there”

“Gyu” Junhyung sighed and gave him a look of all seriousness, which looked ridiculous in his hat and moustache glory. “You can’t possibly be thinking that we can actually go and change into our costumes after they’ve seen us in ordinary clothes, that’s just dumb!”

“B-but-!” Sung Gyu tried to reason out but to no avail, Junhyung pulled the hat out of the bag and dumped it unceremoniously on his head. “Now go, we are running late”

Sung Gyu’s primary reaction was groaning again and crouching down on the floor, pressing both his fists onto his temples, but then he thought about the kids at the children’s home, eagerly waiting for them, and then about greater good for a greater number before he finally gave in.

And he looked ridiculous. Absolutely horrifying. He wanted to dig a hole and burrow himself, he wanted to disappear, he wanted to cry.

“Junhyung, I can’t do this” He wailed as he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He had put on the costume over what he was already dressed up in and the collar of his black turtleneck showed over the white, girly ones of the costume. He wouldn’t even talk about the ridiculous pair of shoes he was given and then the stupid bloody moustache. Where did the bastard get this anyway?

“Gyu, come out!” Junhyung called from downstairs and when he finally did descend the staircase, Sung Jae had woken up and was already in the kitchen, dressed for a playdate and looking through the content in the fridge. Sung gyu didn’t want him to see, his image as a matured, responsible father would simply blow and fly out the window. While he was distracted, Sung Gyu gestured at Junhyung to escape, but he-the bastard-purposefully broke out laughing which made Sung Jae turn to the direction of the source of laughter, looked up and down at his father for a long, stifling moment, and then burst out laughing.

“Right” He sighed and ran a hand down his face. He already knew that it was going to be an utter disappointment of a day.

The little stars Children’s home was situated just a couple of blocks away from his home in his same peaceful neighborhood; hence, in a walking distance for him. It was an ordinary but sizeable family home with a large expanse of a garden surrounding it; a small playground in the backyard and playhouses and flowering bushes up in the front. Junhyung parked the car in the driveway and judging by the number of vehicles parked, lining the entire lane, Sung Gyu had a slight inkling that it was going to be crowded and also that him, dressed in a ridiculous Mario costume, might be able to blend in with an identical one as him and thus his reputation could be saved.

If there was nobody who recognized him, that is.

“You ready, Gyu?” Junhyung asked as he killed the ignition and Sung Gyu only shrugged in response. “It’s not like I have a choice”

“Nope” Junhyung grinned, and then frowned. “Where’s the moustache?”

Begrudgingly, Sung Gyu pulled it out of his pocket, which Junhyung happily snatched from him, and when he attached it to his face, the elastic strings hit him hard that he flinched, burying his face into his hands. “ you, Yong”

Junghyung laughed heartily as he patted on his back.

“Now we look exactly the same!”

Sung Gyu groaned and pressed both his fists to his temples, not planning to move any second now. He could hear Junhyung unlock the door and climbing out himself, and the wind which rushed inside was freezing cold that he could feel his skin prickle, and upon looking out, he realized that the sky had a thick gloom and it was possibly going to rain…or snow. He could see where his day was going to end up going.

To doom. That’s where it was going to be.

“Get out, Gyu!”

Sung Gyu closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He’d thought agreeing to take part in this was the biggest mistake he’s made in his life. As it happened now, befriending Yong Junhyung was topping the charts.

*

It was cold out when Eunji stepped out of the taxi. The ride to Incheon from Gangnam was all but exciting, sitting among the lazy Saturday-morning commuters, watching their bland and somber faces even as she was travelling for the purpose of making someone smile. It got a little better during the taxi ride from the station to the children’s home. It was situated far off from the city, in a little suburban neighborhood where the small houses neatly lined among the tall trees and people passed by with only friendly greetings and smiles. The taxi driver too, was lovely and talked with her throughout the drive. Once she arrived and paid for the ride, she turned towards the children’s home and let out a sigh. It was a beautiful place. It was a house with a tranquil quality surrounding it. The lawn was a wide expanse and whe could see everything that’s been provided for the children. The driveway was lined with a couple of cars and it appeared that she was already a little too late. But on the other hand, it wasn’t a formal gathering. She was here for the children.

Before making her way inside, she contacted her friend just to make sure what the essentials were. There wasn’t much to do, of course. It wasn’t like she was going to sit them down and talk ethics like in class. Once she was well aware of the fact that she only had to play and keep them in company, Eunji made her way inside.

There were already a couple of adults inside, certain dressed in casual, some were dress for the occasion, like herself. And then there were some oddly dressed people, just a very few and by the looks of it, men, in their ridiculous cosplaying glory. It made her smile, to know that there are men who would actually put the effort to do that for the children. And the children too, seemed to like them the most.

There were many of them, children. Although not as many as at school, the number that there was, was making her feel concerned. This was the number of children who have grown up without parents; abandoned, or in the grief of having their parents’ passing. Eunji felt a thick knot form in . The children were happy, at least they were outwardly, but as a child psychologist she knew how misleading even a child’s emotions were. Some tended to keep them inside, especially as they grew older. And even the ones who did indeed let them show, they were unhappier than they appeared to be.

Abandoning their children was a notion Eunji could never come around to accept. In her eyes, no child should be punished for their parents’ mistakes. Nor are children the outcome of a mistake; they should never be classified as so and abandoned so that the parents who made a thoughtless mistake could have a better life. They were such precious, beautiful beings, and she personally felt that if one could see the beauty of their existence, it wouldn’t take them much to love them.

This thought reminded her of someone, someone so beautiful who had, indeed, seen the beauty of his child. Eunji could still so vividly recall his precious fatherly love, how much the little boy meant to him, how much he sacrificed to the extent that he didn’t care for his own self. How much he wanted the boy to have a mother so that he didn’t have to face the society’s stigma against growing up under a single parent, how much he tried. Eunji wished, with all of her heart, no matter how much he hurt her in the process, he was happy now, that that woman made him happy, that she was giving everything that he deserved and that Eunji was forever willing to give. And with the thought of how much she loved his child, she decided to give an equal amount of love to the children here, even for a day, and let them know that they would always be loved.

The event had already started so the volunteers were basically playing with the children since the introductory sessions were done with. Eunji was kind of glad that she missed the formal bit; she wasn’t prepared for all of that, anyway. Thirty minutes into her volunteering, she found herself playing tea party with a couple of darling little girls. The youngest insisted that she sat on her lap, so Eunji gladly complied, cradling the little one in her arms and playing along. She was happy, beyond words. The events from that morning; that hatred and frustration was soon buried under her endless warm emotions of love. A few minutes later, however, she found herself staring at the cosplayers with a little too much of interest than she intended to. It was strange, but she couldn’t help but notice an enticing amount of familiarity in them, in one of them in particular. It was subtle at first; barely noticeable behind those ridiculous clothes and masks and everything they were hiding behind. But then; that walk, that composure, that endless patience around children who didn’t show prospects of leaving him be. And then that smile…Eunji held her breath and watch him, that one cosplayer for minutes too long. But suddenly he disappeared among the crowd and it was as if he wasn’t there the first place.

But when he reappeared, it wasn’t the same again. It wasn’t him. At least, everything that previously appeared familiar, everything that hit home, weren’t there anymore. I was the same man, still. The same costume, the mannerisms almost the same, so was the stature and appearance behind the masks. But it wasn’t the same. Eunji let out a sigh and pressed a hand to her pulsing temples. She’d been engrossed in her thoughts so much that she was beginning to see things. She’d wished things would change in her life so much that the only person whom she wanted to change things have started to appear in her mind.

Give it a few minutes, the cosplayer was suddenly the same. It was him again; the way he talked, smiled and laughed, the way he lifted a child and rested him against his waist, the way he ruffled his hair and carried him away. Eunji felt her heart beat raising, and everything around her was suddenly just a blur. Was it possible, still? Or should she just chalk it down to her muddled mind making things up and forcing them to appear in her peripheral vision? It could be that she had previously convinced herself that it was someone who was dearly familiar to her that even after realizing that it wasn’t, her mind was still in denial. But what was it? How did it happen? Why did she convince herself the first place?

Why would she think he’d return to her in the form of a mere clown…or whatever just randomly out of nowhere, unless…unless…

He really, truly was there?

Eunji had to find out, she just had to. Otherwise she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep tonight, he would be all over in her mind.

It was a struggle, letting the little girl off her, sine she latched onto her like a little koala pub. Even when she asked her to join the other girls for a bit until she make a quick trip to the bathroom, the little girl just wasn’t letting her go. When she looked up, however, she’d lost sight of him. Or she hadn’t, because he was still there, yet, again, it wasn’t him.

It was either that she was seeing things, that she was going completely bonkers. Or there really had to be two people dressed in the same costume. Which, then again, was a stupid notion in itself.

Dejected, Eunji sat back in her previous place, and the girl, yet again, settled comfortable in her lap. Things were slightly peaceful for a moment, only that she wasn’t paying attention to the tea party. She was surreptitiously watching the cosplayer. His costume appeared too large for his frame, and his hat was crooked while the beard, as ridiculous as the rest of the costume, tightly clung onto his cheeks, making angry red marks appear. His eyes, however, weren’t the ones she was so used to. This pair looked cold and haughty, it reminded her of those spies in movies who dressed up to guard the VIPs or something. And those hands…well, Eunji knew his hands more than she recognized her own. In the end, she lost interest in the man. He didn’t catch her heart, nor was it him. Eunji was just seeing things. She was becoming mad. Her sane sense was slowly taking up the likes of her future mother-in-law’s as it appeared to her now. She was becoming mad and insane as much as she was. There was no other explanation.

A few minutes later, then, she was beginning to hear voices. A voice, to be exact, of a person she had thought wasn’t there but sounded like he was. Just like before, it was just subtle, and from a far, in an almost inaudible distance that she could have been kidding herself. She’d have convinced herself that she probably was, if it wasn’t for the very same voice which sounded way too close to her, closer than she thought. Almost immediately, she looked up at where the previous cosplayer was, the one who looked like him but who wasn’t; and for amazement, that one cosplayer was still there, standing among a swarm of little boys, looking lost and hopeless. Eunji felt her heart beat raise. Perhaps she was wrong, perhaps there were people who thought dressing up as the same character made complete sense. Perhaps he was one of them.

She felt tears in her eyes, and for a moment she froze to her spot, tuning out all the rest and focusing on one voice, that voice which was knocking the doors to her heart, bringing back all the beautiful memories, all the emotions, that abundance of love and warmth and beauty which was all meant for him.

And it’s been long, way too long. Three months? Four? She hadn’t kept track of the days, really. It’s been too painful for her. But right now, right at this moment as his voice, sweet and warm as the softest breeze of long summers in her ears; she listened to him and only him until she could make sure that it was really truly him before she’d see with her eyes herself.

“And you’re my greatest little detective, aren’t you?” Said the voice, then, and all of a sudden, everything fell into place.

Eunji turned around, and she didn’t try to be subtle with it. The girl had long lost interest in her and had climbed off her, making things a lot easier. Eunji turned around and searched in the crowd. There were so many children, so many volunteers and cosplayers. But still, as always, he stood out like a star for her.

It was Sung Gyu, right there, sitting amongst a circle of little boys, all around his son’’s age and smiling ever so lovingly at the child held in his arms. He too, was in the ridiculous Mario outfit, too large for his frame yet it did nothing to overshadow the brilliant shine of his smile. His eyes, the same crescent moons that she had always remembered and loved, were still the same; beautiful, and was drawing her to him like they had the very first time. Eunji soon found herself walking through the crowd towards him, tears already welling up in her eyes. What was this feeling, really? Happiness? Desperation? Love? She wasn’t certain, yet she knew that it was a combination of all the emotions for him that she’d held back for so long, fighting the longing and nursing the broken strings of her heart.

But no, not anymore. Because she’d found him, now, and she wasn’t ever going to let him go.

In a matter of seconds then, she stood right before him, and everything surrounding him was nothing but a blur as he remained brilliant as a star. She fell in love all over again. It didn’t take long. He looked up as if he’d felt that significant shift in time, something dragging them back all the way to the end and the beginning. His eyes, then, surprised, perplexed, carrying so many named and unnamed emotions, fell into hers.

And then, for a moment, time stood still.

“E-Eunji?” He called.

“Boss…” She returned, and her lips slowly formed into a warm, contented smile. She’d found her way back home, again.

“I found you”

Hi!

So, um, sorry about lying, it just happened that way. The reason I wrote this chapter was that I couldn't concentrate on studying without writing something, so I ended up writing this and also another story whenever i had some free time. Also my exams got postponed and I'm not sure how far its postponed because our Vice Chancellor of college passed away yesterday after being attacked by a baby tusked elephant. Please don't hate on the elephant, elephants make me soft. But I do feel sorry for the Chancellor, he was a kind monk who protected the baby tusker from cruel people.

In a different note, well, this story is just dragging and I honestly, sincerely dislike this with passion, haha! But seriously, lots of people have dropped out, why are you still reading? But i'm goint to finish it if I have dragged it thus far or I'd be an idiot. I promise the next long story by me won't be this so long. This is as more than twice as long as bachelorette. You'd know if you were there for that as well.

Also, sorry for my fake promises. I'm a liar.

The next chapter, however, will be in March. But I might do something for certain somebody's birthday because I'm a cheat and I love him a little more?

Also shout out to Ena for writing the nicest ever Gyuji fick ever (All her stories are nicest ever) I love you!!!!
Please click the link below and leave her all the love that she deserves.

Read between the lines

Loads of love!

Achini