The girl in the picture

review pick - up

the girl in the picture

By: Zutrazelle

Reviewer: Staff Member

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

1. Title - 8/10 -

A nice and simple title. Not much effort in the title to be honest. However, it fits well with the story line and characters. There are a few other stories on this site with a similar name I've noticed so people may get confused.
 

2. Description/Forward - 7/10 -

Ok, I think you've tried to make fit too much into the title of the story. I had to read it a few times before I could understand it. So I would suggest going back and maybe editing it. Just so it makes a tiny bit more sense the first time you read. I was thinking pyramid? huh.. lol at first not realizing you meant success. Loving the gold effects and layout of the whole thing, it really did suit the plot line.
 

3. Character Develpment/ Showcasting - 10/10 -

Through each chapter, your characters grew. I could see that you're trying to make the characters stand out a bit more. It was working. You concentrated on the story