calling for xxXXkissesXXxx
♫ м ι l ĸ y ω α ν є || яєνιєω яєqυєѕт ѕнσρ ♫ || closed ||
The Immortal
By: xxXXkissesXXxx
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/87726/the-immortal-donghae-sunye-tiffany-yoona-yoonhae-yuri
Title: (4/5)
The title seemed common but it really leaves a mysterious aura behind which made me glued to my PC without wanting to scroll down.
Appearance: (5/5)
WOAH! I love the graphics. It matches your theme. The blending was amazingly done. It really catches my attention.
Description/Foreword: (14/15)
It is really rare. I love how there’s an aura color chart so I won’t go WTF as I read on afterwards and as the story flows. You didn’t have a character chart but you had the main cast in the description, which was good.
Plot/Originality: (6/10)
It is really original but there was at point where it was common.
Characters: (3/5)
It is introduced well. It wasn’t that vague. They seem realistic. They don’t seem that much mysterious as you mention before.
Flow: (10/10)
It is a good pace for a start. I can’t tell how it will be afterwards but keep up with this pace.
Grammar and Spelling: (10/20)
There were quite a few but I’ll list some only.
Ex. 1 Only they happen to be wrong.
Correction(s): Only they happened to be wrong.
The thoughts can be italic without the apostrophes. Don’t end a sentence with “...” nor do you need to put “--" just one is enough. You need to put commas;
Ex.2 I roll my eyes at Nana “I’m going to school” I say and took my bag.
Correction(s): I rolled my eyes at Nana, “I’m going to school,” I said and took my bag.
Ex. 3 I becamed bullied by some students but I use the advantage...
Correction(s): I became bullied by some students, but I used the advantage...
There is only one spelling mistake. Squeal is the correct spelling not squeel.
Overall Enjoyment: (11/20)
It was okay. Not really what I expected it to be. When I, first, read the foreword, I thought it was suspense, thriller typed of fanfic as well as fantasy.
Total: (63/90) 70%
Comments: Keep up the good work. I don’t really have any comments. I guess you can let your imagination runs wild to create it more original.
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