calling for Sherioka
♫ м ι l ĸ y ω α ν є || яєνιєω яєqυєѕт ѕнσρ ♫ || closed ||
A Bloody Sunhat
By: Sherioka
Story Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Sunhat/
Title: (4.5/5)
“Sun hat” is two different words. It fits your story and it leaves people wondering what will this fanfic be about.
Appearance: (5/5)
The blending is great. It also matched the background.
Description/Foreword: (6/15)
It is too obvious. You need to leave some mystical in the story as in to leave the reader thinking.
Plot/Originality: (7/10)
It’s pretty original but at some points, it is kinda similar to others. I don’t really mind it since you get ideas from reading other fanfics.
Characters: (2.5/5)
They aren’t well-described hence that I can’t picture them.
Flow: (5.5/10)
To me, it was kinda confusing since it was vague. You need to add in more details so people can imagine what it is like.
Grammar and Spelling: (15/20)
Never end a sentence with “...” nor start with them. You place commas where it is unnecessary rather than necessary place.
Ex.1: Let’s sleep like this till the morning. Then we can go horseback riding in the mists.
Correction(s): Let’s sleep like this till morning then we can go horseback riding in the mists.
Overall Enjoyment: (15/20)
It was confusing but as the story goes through, it made sense.
Total: (60.5/90) 46%
Comments: I think you need to work more on the characters and the description/foreword. Don’t feel discourage and keep up with the work! Never give up!
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