Hardships and silliness By Nekluna 
Story Link: 
http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/144467/1/hardships-and-silliness-fantasy-combat-mmorpg-monsters-females

Title: (2/5)

It seems too simple for me. It needs something more creative. It reveals too much about the story.

Appearance: (-/5)

No poster. No marks. A poster can contribute a lot more than you can think.

Description/Foreword: (3/15)

Too short; you could've add more depth into the description to catch the reader's eye. You can add a character chart in the foreword or give out a teaser which can make the reader thinks and want to read more into it. 

Plot/Originality: (4/10)

I wouldn't say it's original since the format is like any other mmorpg game but i like the way you kinda base this story on a game. You need to add some action words so that it can create depth and imaginations in this story. 

Characters: (2/5)

I can't really visualize the characters in my head. It is very vague. I think you should be descriptive when describing the characters. 

Flow: (6/10)

It was a bit too fast at some point whereas I need to scroll up to re-read to understand. The dialogue are quite confusing since I don't know who was saying what and there's no quotation marks where it starts and ends. 

Grammar and Spelling: (10/20)

I spotted quite a few grammatical errors.

Some words needs to be captialized such as Sohee.

Never start a sentence with And or But unless you are combining it with another sentence which you could've done here: She is armoured in what it seems to be a heavy iron armour, but it is light and very easy to move in.

Another mistake is you forgot to add a "-" after Leen who hardly remember the fact, removed her armour.

This sentence seems to be a bit awkward and doesn't make sense: She can't recall how many times she tried to get dead.

There are many others but I'll list this much for now. Also you need to watch out where to put your punctuation.

Overall Enjoyment: (10/20)

It was alright. It didn't catch my attention as in it didn't really make me wanna read on.

Total: (37/90) 41%

Comments: Don't be discouraged. You might not really care what I wrote but I am being completely honest. I am really into rpg and mmorpg, but I think you need to add some twist into the story to make it more creative and capative. Watch where you need to place punctuation such as commas, quotation marks etc.