Our Marriage
by: dfanfic
Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/89105/our-marriage-changmin-snsd-suju-tvxq-yeonhee

Title: (1.5/5)

The title seems to be too common and cliché. It needs to be more creative.

Appearance: (3.5/5)

I like your poster but it’s too dull with might not catch the reader’s attention. I like how you have different picture for each and every chapter.

Description/Foreword: (4.5/15)

To me, it was quite common in romance fanfic. I also think you need to add a character chart. There were a few grammatical errors in your foreword. For me, it didn’t really catch my attention. It made me have some question but it wasn’t persuasive enough for me to have a “want-to-know-more” feeling.  

Plot/Originality: (3/10)

As I said, it was quite common and cliché. You need to let your mind runs wild. “Imagination” is the keyword to make this fanfic more original than those other fanfic out there.

Characters: (4.5/5)

I could really grasp how the characters are like. It wasn’t vague nor was it really detailed. You should add more pov’s in this story.

Flow: (6/10)

I was say there are times where it went too fast. Other than that, the pace was good.

Grammar and Spelling: (8.5/20)

Never use “...” at the end of a sentence.

Ex.1: “Aww...you have pet names already...” Mrs. Shim complimented.

Correction(s): “Aww! You have pet names already,” Mrs. Shim complimented.

Each dialogue should be in a new paragraph.

Ex.2: ”Aww...you have pet names already...” Mrs. Shim complimented. “I knew I was right, pairing the two of you together.” Mr. Shim continued with a smile. Miyoung stood up with Yoona in her arms. “Umma, appa...I’ll get upstairs and get ready. Changmin-ah...I’ll tell you about the place later alright?” Miyoung assured as she left with her daughter.

Correction(s): “Aww! You have pet names already,” Mrs. Shim complimented.

“I knew I was right, pairing the two of you together.” Mr. Shim continued with a smile.

Miyoung stood up with Yoona in her arms, “Umma, appa, I’ll get upstairs and get ready. Changmin-ah, I’ll tell you about the place later alright?” Miyoung assured as she left with her daughter.

Don’t use “...” when it isn’t necessary.

Don’t put a period in a dialogue. I’ll tell you what I mean below:

Ex.3: “Wait. Where? Let me change first.” Yeonhee responded.

Correction(s): “Wait. Where? Let me change first,” Yeonhee responded.

Ex.4:“Y-You actually broke up with your girlfriend for our wedding? She must be really hurt...it must have been hard on her...no...it must be hard on the two of you...” Yeonhee trails feeling a sudden guilt that she seems like the third party for Changmin to break up with his girlfriend.

Correction(s): “Y-You actually broke up with your girlfriend for our wedding? She must be really hurt. It must have been hard on her- no; it must be hard on the two of you,” Yeonhee trails, feeling a sudden guilt that she seems like the third party for Changmin to break up with his girlfriend.

Few grammars here and there;

Ex.5:He stood up as Yeonhee pout in disappointment.

Correction(s): He stood up as Yeonhee pouts in disappointment. 

It was just most of these repetitive common mistakes.  

Overall Enjoyment: (10/20)

It was alright. I wasn’t really hooked up with it but, at one point I was stuck to my PC.

Total: (41.5/90) 46%

Comments: Don’t be discouraged. I think you will be much better than this in the future. Keep up with the work. Don’t give up! Sorry if I hurt your feelings. It makes me feel really bad when the result is a bad score T_T The only part you really blew up was the grammar part since the was constantly throughout your story. Don't give up or discourage. When people criticized it, it makes him/her strives for the better.