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{9}

My heart and brain beat simultaneously, pounding my chest and skull with two iron fists. Holy ing God. I clutched my head and groaned, rolling over the bed. Wait, I’m not supposed to be alone in bed. I lifted my head and tiredly looked around. “Fany-ah? Fany-ah?” I called out and felt another rush of pain slam against my skull. I dropped my face into the pillows. “Fany! My head hurts!”

“If you keep screaming your head will hurt more,” I heard the door open and my girlfriend forced me to roll over, so I blankly stared at the ceiling.

“Hun, it hurts,” I groaned and looked at her with a frown. She simply smiled and bent down, kissing my lips. She made a face.

“You taste like straight up alcohol, Babe. Here’s some water and ibuprofen. Your aunt made breakfast so get some strength to eat,” she kissed my forehead and I gulped down the water after popping in the orange tablet. I coughed a little and set the glass aside, holding my head again. Ow, it still hurts like a .

“What’s for breakfast?” I asked and Tiffany helped me stand. It’s really bright outside. I ran over to the window and threw it open, feeling my heart sink. No it snowed! “Dammit I didn’t wake up in time!” I kicked the wall and fell back onto the bed, . I missed the wrapping paper fight; I just had to get ing drunk.

“Baby, come on, it’s okay,” Tiffany chuckled as she made me sit up. I pouted and stared at the bed. I can’t believe I missed it. Now I have a hangover and disappointment in my stomach. “Don’t pout; you’re not in the state to go playing in the snow anyway.”

“I missed it…” I whimpered and she kissed my nose.

“Well, if I tell you I woke up in time and didn’t go will you feel better?” she touched my cheek and I blinked in surprise. She didn’t go?

“You woke up in time? Why didn’t you go?” I questioned and she smiled.

“Sunny came in and asked if I wanted to go in your place, but you were spooning me and it was so warm. Plus, I knew you were gonna wake up eventually and have a hangover. I chose to take care of you,” she said simply and I grinned, my headache disappeared for a moment. “Go brush your teeth and come down when you’re done.”

“Alright, grab my money and count. I got a lot for Christmas and from bingo,” I pointed and she laughed, grabbing the money anyway. I dragged my feet to the bathroom and flinched when I the lights. Bright, it’s so bright. I kept my eyes squinted while I brushed my teeth, mindlessly completing the routine and washing my face. Why does it take 15 minutes for ibuprofen to work? I slapped myself and trudged down the stairs, stumbling slightly. “Hun! I don’t know if I can help you count, I just want food,” I confessed, rubbing my eyes as I walked to the dining room and looked up.

“, how could you miss the wrapping paper fight?” Jiwoong grinned at me and my face hurt because I started smiling too hard. It’s my brother!

“Ji!” I ran over and hugged him tightly, patting my brother’s back when he set me down. I’d like to say that my family was the farthest from my mind during school, but I thought of them, especially closer to the holidays. “I haven’t seen you in years!”

“Yeah, and when I finally come back you’re hung-over and ing out for food,” he ruffled up my hair and I rolled my eyes before kissing Tiffany’s head. “You also scored major jackpot at bingo, it seems.”

“Yeah! She also got cash as presents but this pile is from bingo,” Tiffany pointed and I grabbed a stack of pancakes, my lips.

“How was the fight?” I wondered and Jiwoong sighed, his shoulders easing up.

“It was great, the park was empty and the snow was at a fantastic height. I had an alliance with Sun, Dongwan, and Mingu and we kicked !” he whooped and I smiled, putting strawberries and whipped cream on my pancakes. “God, you never get enough of pancakes.”

“I like them! What’s wrong with that?” I asked, cutting up some pieces and feeding them to Tiffany.

“Wow, serious, you’re feeding her your pancakes,” my brother realized as I ate my own forkful.

“Well, we’re planning on having kids soon,” Tiffany shrugged and my heart rate picked up speed.

“That wasn’t a dream?” I grinned and she smirked, patting my cheek. She wants to have kids with me! Oh my God!

“Oh my God, why did I come here?” Jiwoong whispered and stood up, grabbing a plain pancake to eat. “I’m going to Uncle Sooyoung’s house to say hi, you guys talk about whatever life changing events you want. I don’t wanna intrude,” he said and I hugged him again. I missed my big brother a lot. He was producing music in New York and his job was pretty demanding. He had to skip a lot of family events because of it. I didn’t want to impose though, so I stayed out of his career, especially since he fought so hard to get where he was. I respected him.

“I’ll see you soon,” I said and he nodded, patting my head. “I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you too, Taeng,” he told me and I wanted to cry a little but I controlled myself. I wish you would visit more, I can’t talk right now, I have to solve things with Tiffany first. I sat back down at the table and Tiffany squeezed my hand for comfort.

“You’ll see him again soon, don’t worry, Baby,” she kissed my temple and I sighed.

“I know, it’s just I miss him and Hayeon. He’s in NY and Hayeon and my parents are just too lazy to do anything,” I muttered and took another bite of my pancakes. My sister did nothing. She got a bachelor’s degree from a university in our home state, but to be quite frank, I wasn’t sure what she had a degree in. I couldn’t make it to her graduation because I was caught up with finals. “I make an effort to come here but they don’t, I always worry.”

“You have plenty of things to worry about right now, your family doesn’t need to intervene,” Tiffany kissed my cheek and I tapped the table with my fingers.

“If we do have a family it’ll be my first priority,” I said softly and she sighed, massaging one shoulder. “Did you really mean it last night? You really, truly want to have children with me?”

“I didn’t when you said it was all a hoax to get me to play along,” she began and I cursed my drunken self for a moment. “But! Ha, there’s a .”

“Shut the up, I was drunk as Hell,” I grumbled and she pecked my lips cutely.

“Your family, they always somehow put me in a good mood! I loved seeing you play with children and watching you hold babies and even holding one myself. When you’re drunk you’re stupid and dorky, but you’re really honest. You said you were ready to give up the idea of having children to be with me, I was scared about how you really meant it because I know how much you love children. I’m sorry I made you so upset and had you choose, but you succeeded. I want kids with you, TaeTae,” she rubbed my back and I smiled at her until I felt like my face would split. I kissed her and hugged her as tightly as I could. My heart almost burst. “But you have to carry them,” she said and I frowned.

“Carry?” I repeated. She held a baby last night and she said she liked it…? Oh! She thinks I’m getting pregnant! I laughed out loud and pecked her cheek. “Hun, I want to adopt a child.” Her eyes widened.

“Adopt?” she tilted her head and I nodded. I should’ve made that clear. “That’s actually really sweet of you to think about.”

“You can’t get pregnant for obvious reasons and if we want a child soon I can’t get pregnant so I can stay at work. If we adopt a child at a certain age it can be helpful to all of us,” I held her hand and finished up my breakfast. “Like, we don’t have to get a baby, but they can still be children.”

“But when we do get a child who will help us? Because admit it, we’re gonna need help. I’m not gonna be there all of the time and you’re gonna be so busy with finding a job and easing into a hospital,” she reminded and I sighed deeply. Who will help us?

“Should I stay in California, move back home, or move to Oregon?” I asked and Tiffany sighed. “I have to know who’s gonna be in my range to ask someone if they’re willing to help me with a child.” I knew so many people back home, my parents were there, and it was where I grew up. I wanted my child to experience good memories. But at the same time Oregon had all of my dad’s side of the family, to be blunt, that is the side I am closer to and the side I found myself loving more. I wanted my child to love family and treat it with importance. However, moving requires a lot of time and money. It’s an investment and if I wanted to adopt after medical school, I wasn’t going to have a lot of money and time to spare. I didn’t want my child to be neglected.

“California is less conspicuous for me to come to, but so is home. Oregon doesn’t seem safe for me,” Tiffany mumbled and I nodded. “We could stay in Cali and then move back home if you want, but to be honest, if our child stays there for a while they might get comfortable and not want to move,” she mentioned and I bit my lip. That is true. And I don’t want to move if it’ll make our child unhappy.

 “Should we talk it out with our friends and family first? To make sure if we stay somewhere, there’ll be someone willing to help us out?” I suggested and she took my hand.

“I think that’d make things easier. This is a big step,” she rested her head on my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her waist. I kissed her head.

“What if we need to get married in order to adopt a child?” I wondered and she softly kissed my neck. All I could feel was Tiffany and my heart. Everything else disappeared. Marriage and having kids are two different topics we need to talk about…

“A minor reason I don’t want to get married is because I want to live a simple life, or at least, as simple as possible since I’m an idol. A bigger reason is because I don’t want you to get hurt or hunted down if people find out I’m married, especially if they learn it’s a woman I’m married to. I also don’t know, but I think I have a marriage clause in the contract I signed with my company. If I get married, they may have the right to kick me out of the group,” she revealed and I bit my lips. She wants a simple life? Keeping me safe from the public? A marriage clause? All three points were actually reasonable, especially the marriage clause in her contract.

“You don’t know for certain?” I asked and she smirked.

“I kinda skimmed the contract,” she confessed and I scoffed, poking her forehead.

“You never changed, huh?” I smiled and she gave me that precious eye smile I loved so much.

“I don’t know, I think you changed me a little,” she pretended to think and I kissed her again. It’s funny you think that way.

“You changed me too,” I added and she leaned on my side, exhaling deeply.

“You’re so perfect,” she whispered.

“So are you,” I rubbed her back. “Thank you so much for agreeing to adopt a child with me. We’ll figure everything out, I promise.”

“I know we will,” she assured and I stood up, bringing my dirty dishes to the sink.

“It’s Christmas, do you want to do anything?” I asked, washing the dishes and drying them up. I felt Tiffany’s arms wrap around my waist from behind and she undid the drawstring on my pajamas. Oh my gosh is she really doing this here? Now?! I leaned forward and cried out, making her laugh. “No! No, no, no! We’re not doing that in my aunt’s house!” I protested, turning around to hold her hips back and she pouted. “Don’t make that face, goddammit.”

“Dude, come on, you asked!” she insisted, holding my forearms but I shook my head. Don’t give in, don’t give in, don’t give in.

“When we do that, it’s not gonna be here and it’s not gonna be in a kitchen, that’s for sure,” I chuckled but I wasn’t really chuckling. I was scared to death.

“How do you expect me to go on when all you let me do is kiss you?!” she whined loudly and I felt my face burn in fear that my aunt could hear her.

“I’m an innocent child, cut me some slack, going further than kissing just freaks me out,” I shivered uncomfortably.

“Do you know how many people out there wanna get with this?” she did this purposefully super awkward body roll and I couldn’t help but laugh loud enough to make the world tremble. “Yah! You are so going to get it and you are going to like it!”

“Don’t touch me, you ert!” I slipped out from underneath her arm, cackling like a mad man, and ran outside to jump in snow.

“You’re wearing PJ’s!” Tiffany reminded.

“Don’t care! You won’t dare to start something out here!” I whooped, jumping around and not caring about how wet the cuffs of my pants were getting nor about the numbness reaching my toes. It’s been so long since I’ve played in snow! I was having a blast by myself until someone jumped on my back and drove my face straight into whiteness. “Gah! It’s cold! My shirt is getting wet!”

“That’s what you get for rejecting me!” my girlfriend scolded and I managed to roll over with Tiffany sitting on my waist. I shook my head with a sigh and she grinned at me. I sat up and kissed her despite all of the ice in my hair and on my face. I didn’t care that my clothes were getting wetter and colder by the second; I just wanted to kiss her. I pulled away and she held my face, breathing out soft visible clouds that made me feel only colder. Chills went up my spine but it wasn’t because of snow.

“I love you,” I managed to say and she kissed me again, taking my breath away.

“I love you too, now we should get back inside and change. I don’t want you to get sick.” It was a Hell of a good Christmas.